Original subtitles

Ok. I've done some research

on breakup recovery.

I mean, Nick was a really a big relationship

for you. This sage should get rid

of even his slightest essence.

Doesn't anyone just say, "hello," anymore?

Mona, it is only natural

that you would come crashing down

into a million, broken, sad,

little pathetic pieces.

That's why we're doing this.

The first stage is the purge.

We remove all traces of Nick.

We throw all the reminders

of him into...

The receptacle of healing.

We throw out the past

so we can move into the future. Voilaà.

Hey, wait. Those have nothing to do with Nick.

But they're butt-ugly. They must go.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

[Sadly] Hey.

Oh, god. Not you, too.

I broke up with my boyfriend.

Why is everyone treating me

like I have 2 weeks to live?

Well, that's a relief... 'Cause all I had left

was a hug and a pity pat.

Well, I could use a hug.

And I'll take the pity pat.

I had a really tough morning.

Actually, make it more of a pity smack.

[Chuckles] And don't hold back.

Man, did you get anything

out of that sexual harassment seminar?

Yeah. 3 dates with the moderator.

Get out!

You know what? You need

to get away...

Take your mind off things.

How 'bout we take one of our road trips?

I don't know. I don't think running

is the right thing to do.

♪ Do do do-do-do ♪

Adam, what are you doing now?

Dee Dee told me

to "De-Nick-o-tize" the place.

Whoop. Almost forgot.

♪ Bum bum boom, buh-dum boom ♪

Wait. That doesn't smell like sage.

It isn't. But it isan herb.

And if it doesn't help you get over Nick,

it willhelp you with your glaucoma.

If anyone gets the munchies,

I've got doughnut holes in my bottom drawer.

[Clicks tongue]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Whatcha got there?

Chocolate for Mona.

Supposedly, there's some kind of natural

feel-good stuff in it that'll, uh,

maker her feel good. Naturally.

Look, Spencer...

I am in charge of Mona's recovery.

We are limping out of stage one.

All packages and correspondence

must come through me.

And I heard about your little road trip.

Yeah. Not gonna happen.

So cancel the motel 6, my friend.

But I'm her shoulder to lean on.

You are a lot of things, Spencer,

and not all of them

are healthy for her right now.

She's far too vulnerable for any man with, uh...

Chocolates.

But I'm not just any man.

Exactly.

[Sighs] I have no idea

what you're talkin' about.

Oh, I think you do. Off you go.

But i... tell your story

walkin', buddy.

Move it! Move it! Keep up the pace!

Mona, this is the perfect activity

to take your mind off of Nick...

Or anyone else.

Don't you feel exhilarated?

Yes... if by exhilarated

you mean exhausted, nauseous,

and 3 jumps away from total

renal failure.

All right, maggots, hit the floor

and give me 20.

20 what?

Now, hang in there.

Just about now, your endorphins

are kicking in,

and you will get

this major surge of energy!

Ok, everybody, take 5.

Suckers.

Just for believing that,

give me 50 sit-ups.

Let's go!

Uhh!

Hey, soldier... You ok?

I'm havin' a rough time.

Man trouble or those jiggly thighs?

A little of both, actually.

I understand. You know what gets me

through life's challenges?

Huh?

600 lunges!

So get your lazy,

brokenhearted ass in motion

now!

Uhhh... uhhh... uhhh...

See? I told you you'd make it home.

There was no need for a medevac.

Just fire up your jacuzzi.

Get me a double appletini

with a morphine chaser.

Hello, girls.

Hi. Dee Dee,

your father and I

just found the perfect restaurant

to celebrate your landing

that big internship.

L'auberge. It's trendy.

It's chic...

It's overpriced. It's pretentious.

Like I said, it's perfect.

You didn't have to go to all that trouble

just to celebrate my amazing achievement.

Of course,

you're invited, sponge cake.

And tell Chester he can come, too.

I'll be there... Assuming I can move.

We just got back from Beverly's boot camp.

Ohh. I love that place!

Beverly used to kick my butt.

But now it sits up so high,

she can't reach it.

Thank you for lunch, Dee Dee.

And thank you for never, ever

leaving my side for the last 3 days.

But I realized I am totally over...

What's his name?

See? I'm healed. See ya.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Obviously, you just hit stage 3

in your recovery...

Denial. You're right.

I amin denial.

But now that I've admitted it,

I'm no longer in it. See ya.

Oh. Hey, Mona, is that your mom?

With a man?

Think it's her mystery guy?

Hey, ma!

Didn't expect to see you here...

And you're with someone.

Are you gonna introduce me?

To who? I think you already know Dee Dee.

I think we've been busted, baby.

Hi. I'm ray wills.

Hi, ray. I'm Mona, the daughter

she's trying desperately to hide you from.

See? She doesn't look like she'd jinx our relationship.

A table just became available.

Thank you.

Well, ray,

since we're never going to get it

out of her,

how did you two meet?

On the radio. I do a morning spot

on k-funk.

It's time to swing and sway

on k-funk radio. Yea-yeah.

Oh! I listen to you all the time!

"The only way to begin your day...

Both: Is with a big ol' dose

of funky ray!"

Yeah!

Ha ha ha!

So, the way we met was,

your mom called in one day about

a traffic slowdown.

Yeah. I was "tipster Phyllis."

He liked my voice.

I lovedhis voice.

Anyway, he called me back after his shift was over

to see how the rest of my drive went.

I told him it would've been better

if he'd been ridin' shotgun.

And I have ever since.

Yea-yeah.

Hey. You know, my mom and dad

are hosting a dinner tomorrow night

at l'auberge.

Actually, it's for me.

I got this

really impressive internship...

Right. Um... Anyway, why don't

you two join us?

Well, I guess it istime

to show big Dee Dee my man is real.

And you'll see it's true...

You canrest a drink on my ex-husband's head.

Ah. I look forward to it.

[Ray chuckles]

So... your mama caught a good one.

Now, if my cats like him...

He's a keeper.

Meow.

[Buzzer ringing insistently]

Ok, listen. I ditched Dee Dee

at the kiln at color me mine.

If she calls, I am not here.

If she comes by, I am not here.

And even if she tries to bribe you...

Got it. Not here.

Ohh. Thanks for being my safe place.

Mm-hmm. No problem.

Mi casa es...

Yo' casa.

Hey, you been there for me,

like through my breakup, search for my dad.

Your fake marriage and divorce.

Man, I have been through it this year.

I can use this road trip as much as you.

But this time, I bring the music.

None of your crazy mix tapes with Clay aiken and 50 cent.

Agreed.

Oh, I can't wait to get away.

You know, everyone is telling me

how I should feel

about my breakup with Nick,

but I'm feeling surprisingly ok.

Is that wrong?

Nah. Hmm.

You know, when Camille left,

I was pissed off.

But after a few weeks, I felt more like myself,

only better-looking.

But isn't it funny

how we thought everything was

gonna fall apart,

and then it didn't?

Because we had each other.

Yeah.

Why did you do that?

Why did youdo that?

I should leave.

Should you? Should I?

Yes. yes?

Yes. I'm leaving.

Are you? Am I?

Just go.

I'm gone.

See? See? If you were gone,

that would never happen.

I know.

That's why I stayed.

Which is why I have to go now.

[Panting]

I'd believe you more

if you weren't still here.

Ok.

Open up, Dee Dee! I know you're home!

Go away! I'm mad at you!

I'm sorry I ran out on you

at color me mine.

I just needed a break.

And I just needed help with the after-glaze

on my salt and pepper pigs.

I have to talk to you.

I made out with Spencer.

Ooh!

Can you believe it?

Yes! You've jumped clear to stage 6,

the Paris Hilton stage.

This is the kind of irrational behavior

I was trying to keep you away from.

But no, you just had to go

and make out with your best friend.

But kissing Spencer actually felt good.

It felt right.

I knew that man was up to no good with

his friendship chocolates.

Ok, how about 4 weeks vacation and

6 weeks maternity leave?

I can't deal with this right now.

I have a lot on my mind.

Mona, I think we need to talk about...

Oh.

We should talk another time.

I have important work to do,

and I need coffee, hot coffee.

'Cause this is cold,

and actually, it's tea.

All right, spill it.

What's going on with Mona?

Give me the dish, or I'll make something up and

spread it around the office.

May I remind you of Jeremy in accounting's

erectile dysfunction?

Fact or fiction? You decide.

Ok.

There is something going on

between me and Mona.

I just don't know what it is.

We got a little close yesterday,

and it was nice...

Real nice.

Let me guess.

You both kissed, but you got scared.

That's amazing. How'd you know that?

Mm. I never missed an episode of Dawson's creek.

You heteros are so predictable.

Now that you got that first awkward kiss

out of the way,

it's off to the fumbling foreplay,

followed by the clumsy sex.

Hold on.

Mona and I haven't even talked about this.

And my sex is never clumsy.

What's there to talk about?

Last year, you admitted you had

a thing for Mona,

and it's obvious

she feels the same way about you.

The timing's right.

You're finally both single at the same time.

It's synchronicity.

It's fate. It's kismet.

Or maybe it's just meant to happen.

I don't know.

[Sighs] Oh, well.

I guess we'll figure it out on our road trip.

Road trip? After that kiss,

what you've got on your hands is

a love excursion.

Just want you to promise me one thing.

No, you can't go.

I was going to say...

Mona's fragile,

so don't open the carton

unless you really plan to drink.

Besides, I so have better things to do

than tag along on your little tryst.

This is San Francisco, man.

I'm in 40 weddings this weekend.

[Clink clink]

Charles: I'd like to propose a toast.

To Dee Dee.

May your internship be the first step

on your ladder to success.

I'm proud of you, baby.

Me, too.

Cheers. Cheers.

Actually we have another thing

to celebrate...

Phyllis attracting a man

who's bold enough

to be seen with her.

So you're funky ray wills.

Yea-yeah.

You know, I used to deejay some joints in college.

No kidding.

And by deejay, he means

putting on earmuffs and talking to a hairbrush

in my dorm room.

Well, that's how I got my start,

except I used a hair pick.

I did have hair once, y'all.

You know, I was actually pulling my hair out

trying to get this internship,

which I got. Here's to me.

It must be so cool to have a job

where you only have to work

4 hours a day.

Actually, it's just a little bit more than that,

but it is nice,

realnice.

But I enjoy my free time,

especially since,

uh, Phyllis and I are getting serious.

What do you mean by serious?

Well, I was gonna tell you.

I made the cats

give up a closet for him.

I mean,

they destroyed my good ponytail

and sprayed my shoes in retaliation,

but it was worth it. Mm-hmm.

In fact, we're thinking about moving in together.

That's right. We are.

You are? What about all those lectures

you used to give me about living in sin?

Honey, at my age, 4 good days,

you callin' u-haul.

Well, I think it's great. Congratulations.

Thanks.

Man, you have no idea what you're in for.

But it'll take some of the edge off her

and some of the heat off me.

Best of luck. Thanks, man.

Phyllis, I usually frown upon

premarital cohabitation,

but it's clear god approves.

And how would you know what god approves?

Because a man moving in with you

is a miracle only the lord

could make happen.

You're right, baby.

That is not the happy woman.

And speaking of miracles,

can you believe I was picked

out of 1,500 applicants for the internship?

So, ray... Yeah.

Are you from the bay area?

Born and raised in New York, man.

That's where I'm from.

No kidding.

My dad had a plumbing shop on route 110.

I think he wanted me to take over the business,

but I had dreams of being a great saxophone player.

In fact, it was music brought me

to the bay area.

You know, everybody has dreams,

but not everyone acts on them.

That's cool.

Yeah. It was for a while,

but it cost me my first marriage.

But my biggest regret in life

is losing contact with my son.

I tried to find him for years,

finally gave up.

And speaking of giving up,

I never did.

Which is why I got the internship.

Ooh.

Speech time.

Excuse me.

I'll be right back.

Phyllis: What's that about?

They better be getting my really big gift.

Are you ok?

I'm not sure.

Me, neither.

You know the other day when we...

Well, it's weird sitting next to you,

knowing we're thinking the same thing.

I think Ray's my dad.

Wow. I wasn't even close.

Spencer, how did you come up with that?

He's just saying a lot of things that sound

way too familiar.

I just have this feeling in my gut.

Well...

There's a lot of times when we don't follow up

on those feelings.

Maybe this time, you should.

Ray. Hmm?

Mind if I ask you a few questions?

As long as you ain't no cop, ask away.

Ok.

Is wills your real last name?

No, actually I shortened it.

About 10 years ago when I moved to the bay area,

there was already a ray Williams

on the radio.

Were your parents Evelyn and Michael,

was your first wife named Tonya,

and is that scar on the back of your head

from when she hit you with a bicentennial plate?

How the hell you know that?

So it's true.

You're my father.

Big Dee Dee: Oh, my.

That... i admit that you know things about me

that you probably couldn't have googled,

but there's no way that I could be your father.

My son's name is Andre.

Andre is my real first name.

All: It is?

I thought it was Chester.

Get up.

My god.

You are my son.

Where the hell you been, man?!

I do so enjoy the drama of the middle class.

Ray, Spencer is a wonderful young man.

In fact, I've always loved him like a son.

But from now on, he can hit you up

for gas money.

I can't believe

my dad is funky ray.

Well, that's only since I've been at k-funk.

Before that, let's see,

I was sunshine ray, sugar ray,

and for a brief, but humiliating moment

there I was, uh...

"Right on" ray.

So, pretty big night for you, huh?

Yeah.

So, I was thinking...

Yeah.

I was thinking, too.

About our road trip.

Maybe this isn't the best time for one.

Yeah.

Guess our timing's a little off.

Guess so.

You really should spend some time

getting to know your father.

You should know more about him

than how he got the scar

on the back of his head.

Yeah. I got a lot of questions

to ask him about the day he left.

He really put a damper on the Christmas of '82.

Thanks for understanding.

And, Mona...

I really hope we could take

that trip someday.

I'm lucky. Most people's lives

are filled with emotional

highs and lows.

Mine, on the other hand,

sucks with comforting regularity.

Congratulations.

You've just reached stage 8,

putting on a brave face.

Well, maybe it's just fate's way of saying

I shouldn't get involved

with my best friend.

Look, Mona, your relationship with Spencer's

had so many twists and turns,

if I were you, I'd hang on.

I don't think

this roller coaster ride is over.

Great. With my luck,

I'll get stuck upside down

at the top of the loop.

Woman: Woohoo! [Giggles]

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