Original subtitles

Haven't seen you two together in a long time.

Where's the white boy and the British chick?

Nick is at a recording session.

And I'm hoping the British chick

got really fat.

Why do I ask personal questions

when I really don't care?

Why do we keep coming here in spite

of the service?

Let me see if I remember.

Split a short stack, extra bacon,

stiff me on the tip?

Just like old times.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

What do you wanna do today?

I'm doing it.

[Laughs]

Well, we have to get up eventually

so we can come back and take a nap.

I love our weekends.

[Both laugh]

And I love you.

I love you, too.

And our weekdays aren't bad, either.

That reminds me,

my parents are coming up from carmel for a few days.

I really want you to meet them.

Please tell me I am not the only reason

they're coming into town,

because that... that's a lot of pressure,

and my eye is already starting to twitch.

Relax. They're coming to see me,

but I do wanna show off my twitchy-eyed girlfriend.

Ooh![pops]

[Laughs]

You are going to meet Nick's parents.

I am one step closer to gettin' me some grandbabies.

And it's a good thing, too,

'cause you ain't gettin' any younger.

I can hear your eggs crackin' in my sleep.

Thanks, ma. You're my rock.

Sounds like this thing is getting kind of serious.

I mean, you only been dating

for 3 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days.

Roughly.

You know, I've never met anyone's parents before.

All my old boyfriends claimed their folks

were either out of town or in the witness

protection program.

Well, don't worry.

Just act like whatever boring thing they say

is the most interesting thing you've ever heard.

Like I do with your mom?

[Whispering] And I with yours.

I'm glad I don't have to play these silly games.

My man's parents are dead.

Your man? What man?

Man? Who said man? Not me.

Phyllis, you got a man?

Get down with your bad self.

So that's why you were asking me

if thongs are comfortable.

Ok, ok, I have a man.

Why does everyone act so shocked

when they hear I have a boyfriend?

Well, when you got the fifth cat,

we kind of thought you were done with men.

No, I was just done telling you people about it.

Every time you meet one of my men,

it goes to crap.

You're not meeting another one

until we're on the dance floor at the wedding reception

doing the electric slide.

Phyllis, you wear thongs?

Phyllis!

Have you seen my new,

extraordinarily large diamond ring?

Just a little token of Charles' love.

You know, when you say, "little token,"

I do think of Charles.

You know, you can buy yourself baubles.

It's not wrong.

It's sad, but not wrong. [Chuckles]

Ooh, it's so nice to have a man.

I know. My man is sweet and handsome,

and he doesn't have to buy his blazers

in the little boys' department.

Poor, delusional Phyllis,

thinking she has a man.

You might wanna stop sleeping in those control-tops.

They're cutting off the circulation to your brain.

[Knock on door]

Uh, go get the olives, please, quick!

Here it goes!

Hi! Ohh!

I... I'm sorry. We're looking for Mona?

I'm Mona.

Ah.

She's Mona.

Well, um...

Hi. I... I'm Bob. This is my wife Joan,

and, um... and, honey, she's Mona.

I know that, Bob.

It is so nice to meet you both!

Come on in!

There you are, Nicky.

You didn't tell us she was...

So Cosmopolitan.

Well, I read Cosmopolitan,

I drink cosmopolitans,

and sometimes I do both at the same time.

Well, she's a multitasker, Joan.

Dad. Yeah. Hey, Nick.

Oh, you been lifting weights.

You look good.

Thanks, dad. I feel good.

I'm happy, thanks to Mona.

Well, it's...

It's not hard to see why.

Mona, you're a very beautiful girl...

Oh! with such...

Curly hair.

You should see it in an electrical storm.

So, how do you like San Francisco?

We don't.

No, the streets are too narrow.

It's not buick-friendly.

We begged Nicky not to move here,

but he loves big cities.

You always had urban taste. [Laughs]

Well, the city is great.

On the weekends, we walk everywhere,

unless it's raining

or cold or foggy or uphill.

We stay in a lot.

So... Mmm.

Nick! Excuse me.

Could you help me with

the mushroom caps?

Oh, my god. Did I lock the car?

So, meeting the parents, not going so well.

It's going great.

They're gonna warm up to you.

Do you think so? I know so...

But a lot of wine won't hurt.

Dee Dee, dear, if you ever catch me

listening at your door,

be a good girl and put me in a tasteful sanitarium.

Well, I thought I smelled Chanel number 5

and vodka.

Shouldn't you be out

with your mantonight? [Chuckles]

He had to work late.

Clever. You've given your pretend man

a pretend job?

I hope you at least made him

a pretend c.E.O.

Honey, my man is real, and he is h-o-t.

Really? So what's his name?

I already told you I'm keeping him under wraps.

Even lying to the children.

I think your man-tasy

is a serious cry for help.

Mm-hmm. Ciao.

Bye, mom. Bye, baby.

Phyllis! What you're doing is wrong.

I know. Can't hear a thing.

My back's starting to ache, anyway.

My man's coming over later,

and nothing kills the mood like the smell of bengay.

Bye.

Dee Dee, what a pleasant surprise

to run into you... I need your help!

Yeah, I'm guessing it's not going very well

if you're taking out the trash.

I have tried everything you told me

with Nick's parents, but nothing is working.

All right, how about I drop in,

see what's going on,

work a little of my magic?

Great. Let's go.

Mona, a little tip.

When you go to take the trash out,

it's weird if you walk back in with it.

Hey, everybody, look who I bumped into,

my sister Dee Dee.

Dee Dee, these are Nick's parents,

Bob and Joan.

Hi!

Oh, it certainly is a pleasure

to meet you both.

Nick is such a great guy.

You must be so very proud of him.

Well, he hasn't disappointed us...

Yet.

Uh...

So, have you tried some of Mona's

delicious onion dip?

Oh, no, thank you.

Ethnic food doesn't agree with us.

Nick: Oh, uh, mom,

I forgot to tell you,

I have a surprise for you.

Neil diamond came into the studio,

and I got you an autographed picture.

Oh, Nicky, that is so sweet of you!

Ok, so tell me, does it say "to Joan,

forever in blue jeans, love, Neil,"

like I asked?

Yes, and he's wearing his American flag shirt.

It's with my stuff in the bedroom.

I'll be right back.

Bob,

his stuff's in the bedroom.

So, uh,

Dee Dee is in her second year

at boalt law school.

Yes. I've loved the law since I was little.

They tell me that I used my rattle as a gavel.

Oh, boalt. That's quite an achievement.

You know, I think it's just swell

that colleges are giving everyone

a chance these days.

Oh! What an adorable baby picture.

Mona, is this you with your nanny?

Oh, actually, that's me

with my grandma Sophie.

Well, isn't that interesting?

Yeah.

Life must have been...

Very complicated for you.

Only at temple Beth Malachi day care.

Speaking of complicated, Mona,

let me help you with the mushroom caps.

Oh, they're already out.

I have an idea for the stems.

Excuse me.

What?

Ok, since when is onion dip

considered ethnic food?

Well, onions are consumed

by a multitude of cultures.

Mona, I think I've figured out

why these people aren't warming up to you.

I think I have, too.

I should've spent the money on the shrimp kabobs.

I don't know what we're gonna do, Bob.

I thought he was out of this phase.

Well, you know, it's our own fault.

We should never have let him

put that Vanessa Williams poster

in his bedroom.

You still thinkin'

it's your food, Vanessa?

Oh, I'm sorry. Mona.

You all look alike to me.

This is so unreal.

I mean, I'm charming,

and I'm smart enough for Nick's parents.

I'm just not white enough?

Too bad they haven't seen you dance.

Sorry, but let's keep it real.

[Sighs] I cannot believe Nick was raised

by such narrow-minded people.

Well, haven't you and Nick ever talked

about the fact that you're black

and he's white?

No. It's never been an issue between us.

Until now.

Wow, talk about a big elephant

in the room.

Or in this case, it's more like a zebra.

Or a panda or a skunk or...

Dee Dee, I get it!

Mona, you have to talk to him.

I don't want to.

Talking ruins everything.

I just want this to work out.

Well, it's never going to unless you talk to him.

It's either that or give up all your favorite ethnic foods,

like sour cream and celery.

Wow, this is a really nice place,

so quiet and intimate.

You know, it's the perfect place

to talk about things...

Like us...

And things...

About us.

I know. That's why I picked it.

So, Nick, there's something I wanted

to talk to you...

How did he know I wanted sangria?

I ordered it when I made

the reservation.

[My funny Valentine playing]

I love this song.

I know. We listened to this

on our first date.

Oh, that's sweet,

but, Nick,

there's something I need to talk to you...

It looks like there's something floating

in your sangria.

Ewh!

You know what this means... Free meal,

and if I swallow it, lawsuit.

It looks like there's something tied

to the end of a string.

It's a little key.

That's weird,

because I have this little box.

Why don't you see if the key fits?

Ok. [Giggles]

Oh, Nick!

You know,

I realized the day that we met

that I'd fall in love with you...

But you never know how these things

are gonna play out.

Like, I didn't know how much I'd love

standing next to you

or hearing you laugh and then snort

and then laugh again.

I love those moments,

and I can't imagine a day without them or you.

I want you to ride off into the future with me.

Mona, will you marry me?

Yes. Yes! [Laughs]

Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

I guess you're wondering

why I've called you all here.

Uh, let me just say up-front,

I need both my kidneys.

You got fired? Nick broke it off?

No. I'm getting married!

That's the spirit.

You just keep saying it to yourself,

and one day, it'll come true.

No, I'm serious!

Nick proposed to me. See?

[Gasps] Oh, lord,

have mercy. [Gasps]

My baby is gettin' married.

Look at this ring!

This is some news, girl.

I'm happy for you. Ohh!

Congratulations!

So that talk with Nick must've gone well.

Actually, I didn't get to it.

Oh. Well...

Yay for you.

Ooh, I've gotta run and get my ring sized.

It almost slipped off this morning

while I was making it sparkle

into oncoming traffic.

[Laughs]

See you later, all!

Bye! Congratulations.

Congratulations. This is so great.

Yeah. [Laughing]Yeah. [Laughing]

Ok, I'll go first. This is some serious bull.

Phyllis!

I'm sorry. You know I want me some grandbabies,

but I am not happy about this,

and you wanna know why I'm not happy about this?

I'll tell you why I'm not happy about this.

She's only been seeing Nick a few measly months.

3 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days...

Roughly.

Wow. You're a pair of binoculars

and a photo collage away from being a stalker.

You know, marriage isn't something you rush into.

If I'd known your father better,

I never would've married him.

Hell, I never would've let him pump my gas.

Yeah, I mean, is Nick her soul mate?

The person who knows her better than anybody?

The guy who stood by her year after year

since their freshman year at college?

Is Nick that brother?!

Well, to be fair, there's not many people

who fit that bill,

but I do agree that something about this

isn't right.

When this whole thing falls to pieces...

And it will, 'cause, hey, it is her...

Give the pretty-boy my number.

I know this may be hard to believe, but...

I'm desperate.

[Knock on door]

Dee Dee: Mona?

What are you doing up?

It's, like, 3:00 in the morning.

I have to get this off my chest.

Mona, I've watched a lot of people get married,

and some of those weddings were wonderful,

and some I just knew weren't right,

but I kept my mouth shut,

and now those people are bitter divorceées

surfing for love on the Internet.

If you're talking about my mom,

she is doing the best she can.

I'm talking about you.

You're my sister, and I have to speak up.

Have you even considered

what life would be with Nick's parents,

who clearly don't celebrate m.L.K. Day?

Are you sure you wanna marry Nick?

If I were,

would I be up

in the middle of the night

watching the facts of life,

wondering what advice Mrs. Garrett

would be giving tootie in this situation?

Then why did you tell Nick yes?

'Cause there was a man who loves me

on his knee with a ring

and a horse and a carriage,

and I got swept up in the moment.

I don't know.

Am I just an idiot?

Yes, you are.

Phyllis, nice outfit.

Did your new man pick it out...

Or was it a frequent-buyer gift

from the salvation army?

I must say, motherhood agrees with you, big Dee Dee.

You are absolutely glowing.

Why are you in such a good mood?

Mmm, no reason.

Just had a romantic lunch with my boyfriend.

Have a lovely day.

Oh, my lord, she does have a man!

I forgot to mention,

your hair looks especially nice today.

Bye!

And she's had sex with him, too!

Dee Dee!

[Knock on door]

Hey.

Hey!

Where do you wanna go for dinner tonight?

Thailand, China, Morocco?

I mean, who says I don't take my baby places?

We need to talk.

You know, I've never liked those 4 words

together in a sentence.

Nick, I think we need to slow things down.

What do you mean, slow things down?

Have you checked your hand lately?

We're engaged.

I know, but we've only been together

for a few months and...

There's something else.

Great, 'cause I loved the first thing so much.

Your parents don't seem to like me very much.

I told you they were conservative.

That's one word for it.

Mona,

every relationship has its challenges.

For us, it's my parents.

But you're not marrying them.

You're marrying me.

But marriage is supposed to be the union

of 2 families who start off

loving each other

and then grow to hate each other over time,

not the other way around.

So what exactly do you wanna do?

I don't know, but...

I don't wanna lose you, so...

Can't we just keep on dating?

But I wanna marry you.

Do you think that could happen one day?

I can't answer that question.

I think you just did.

I'm sorry, Nick.

I'm sorry, too.

I hope you find who you're meant to be with.

Mona, you can't marry Nick. He's... hey!

Hey, Nick.

Uh, catch the game last night?

Relax.

We're not getting married.

Good-bye, Mona.

You ok?

No.

You want me to go?

No.

Want me to stay?

Yes.

I can't believe I just let Nick walk out the door.

I can't believe it's over.

I'm sorry, Mona.

I'm glad you're here.

I don't know why you're here,

but I'm glad you are.

We've been friends for a long time.

I guess I just know when you need me.

Ok if I cry on your shoulder?

That's what it's there for.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0