Original subtitles

Mona. Guess what.

I just scored tickets to the sold-out

mother's day gospel brunch at bayou.

It is the perfect mother's day plan.

Not necessarily. You have not

heard myplans.

Which are? Well,

since last year was a bit expensive

and a bit of a disaster, I was thinking, uh...

Is it really mother's day already?

That's what I thought.

Which is why I got

you and your mom tickets, too.

That was nice of you, Dee Dee.

Well, you followed us last year.

I figured you 2 tagalongs

might as well go withus this year.

Hmm.

An insult wrapped as a gift.

I'll take it.

So... i got the limo

picking us up at 11:30 on Sunday.

Oh...

And what's your mom's favorite color?

I want to buy her a blouse.

Uh, purple. But why

are you getting mymom something?

Well, Phyllis and I have gotten closer

this year, and I want to do

something nice for her.

Ohh! So this means

I'll have to get a present for yourmom?!

Of course not! Hmph!

Although a

thoughtfulperson would.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Well, it looks like someone's been

to sears.

Yeah. Doin' a little mother's day shoppin'.

They got some cool stuff there.

I got her a necklace, a hat for church,

and a leaf blower.

Wow. Your mom's gonna love all that.

I hope so. I put it on her charge card.

Well, I got my mom a gorgeous watch,

just like she hinted...

And hinted... And hinted.

But now I have to get somethin'

for big Dee Dee.

I mean, everything the woman owns is

fabulous and expensive.

What can iget her?

How 'bout somethin'... Ugly and cheap?

I already checked that catalog.

I got yourbirthday present, though.

Maybe you should try the "grab room."

You know, where we put

all that cool stuff

from video shoots we can't return.

I didn't know we had a room like that.

That's where I got these Prada shoes.

New, fine, and size 9.

I thought you were a 12.

I am.

[Both laughing]

He bares it. Yes, he does.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

[Both sigh]

Ooh.

Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?

Yes, a good time. That must happen

to you a lot.

So, what brings the bald eagle

to my daughter's nest?

We were looking at pictures from

drew's christening.

What a flattering picture of you!

I'm not in that one.

I know. [Chuckles]

Oh, my goodness, puddin' pop.

We've been chatting for almost an hour.

And, Phyllis, we will be eating in public

at the brunch Sunday,

so you may want to reacquaint yourself

with utensils.

Ciao.

What was shedoin' here for a whole hour?

I guess we just lost track of time.

Mmm. Mmm, whatever. Here's your photo.

You know, I'm gonna do something very UN-Mona

and put this in a frame before I do something

very Mona, and spill coffee on it.

How was work?

Oh, a couple of neuroses, an obsessive-compulsive.

Nothin' that a year with me

and a boatload of Xanax can't cure.

Hey, have you had dinner yet?

Uh... no! What did you have in mind?

Well, we could order out for Chinese.

Or... i could make pasta.

Really? You would make pasta for me?

I love you.

Wow. If I broil a steak, will you pay off

my student loans?

And this one is from drew.

Ooh, my little man is buying

the woman in his life presents already.

I told you he was gifted.

See, it's a

meditation and yoga tape

for mother

and baby. Uhh.

Mommy, swami, and me.

[Chuckles]

[Sighs]

Thank you, drew.

Your nanny will love it.

It goes perfectly with the platinum pacifier

your father gave me.

Don't forget my other gift...

Taking care of drew while you're having

your mother's day brunch...

So you can have a wonderful,

relaxing afternoon.

Which will only last 3 hours. Right?

Yes, daddy, coincidentally

the exact length

of the basketball game.

Oh, that has nothing to do with it.

Uh, you don't think drew will need to be changed

while you're gone, do you?

Not that I can't handle it.

And now it's time for mygift.

Ooh!

You always give the best mother's day presents.

Although I don't know how you're gonna

top that time

you got us those matching

ski outfits for Aspen.

Well, you're going to love this even more.

Oh.

[Blandly] Look at that.

It's a jogging stroller.

Now you and drew

can go running in the park.

Look. There's even a place

for his diaper bag and his bottle.

[Chuckling] Well... A useful gift.

You dolike it, right?

Oh, of course, honey.

Thank you. Ohh...

Actually, there's another gift.

It's from Mona.

Ooh. Ooh.

Ta-da!

This is genuine Louis Vuitton!

And mama loves her Vuitton. Ohhh...

But did you see how smoothly your stroller rolled

when you pushed it out of the way?

Well? Ready for your gift?

Oh, Mona, just spending the day

with my baby

is gift enough.

Oh, ma, that is so sweet and so fake.

You want it now, don't you?

Damn right! What took you so long?

[Giggles] Ok, ok, hold out your hands

and close your eyes.

Happy mother's day!

What's this? Ha ha ha!

Oh, Mona, you got me a watch, too?

Too? What else did you think

I was giving you?

[Chuckling] Ohhh...

Honey bee! Thank you so much

for my luggage!

Ohhh... Herluggage?

Yes, Mona.

It's a big hit. She can't stop

talking about it.

It is the best

mother's day present ever.

Come here, baby. Come on.

Ha ha ha ha! Ooh!

Ohhh...

It... is... perfect.

I mean, doesn't this

just say... Me.

Yes. It's oversized and leathery.

Gee, mom, it's just a suitcase.

Whoop-De-freakin'-do!

Dee Dee, don't be rude.

Your sister obviously put a lot of thought

into what I would like for mother's day.

Mmm...[chuckles]

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna see

how many guccis fit

in the padded shoe cozy. Oh...

Wow, Mona, that was

so ultra-thoughtful of you

to get that present for my mother...

Especially after you said

you weren't planning

on getting her anything!

What is her problem?

Why does that woman have my luggage?

What is yourproblem?!

That luggage was mine!

Yours? Why would you think that?

Be... cause that's the type of gift

a loving daughter would give her mother.

And I found it in your closet.

What were you doing in my closet?

Well, being the good,

luggage-deserving mother that I am,

I was cleanin' up your mess!

Well, excuse me, but it wasn't for you.

And what do you want with luggage,

anyway?

You don't ever travel.

I would if I had that fancy luggage!

Hey! You said you wanted a watch!

Usually when someone says "I want a watch,"

they mean "I want a watch."

So silly me, I got you a watch.

I would call that being thoughtful.

Well, sometimes it's notthe thought

that counts.

It's the gift!

Phyllis?

I'm sorry.

I forgot to give you

your mother's day gift.

It must've gotten lost in all

the luggage hoopla.

Oh, Dee Dee, look at these diamonds!

This is beautiful! Ohhh.

This is the best

mother's day present ever! Thank you!

You're welcome.

I'll see you when the limo gets here.

Oh. Phyllis? Sit by me.

I don't believe that!

She said she was only givin' you a blouse.

Oh, Mona... Don't hate.

[Knock on door, door opens]

Hey, ladies.

My mom loved all the stuff

I got her from sears.

She hasn't even unstrapped the leaf blower

off her back.

Somethin' goin' on?

- No! - No!

O... k. [Chuckles] Uh, Phyllis,

I just wanted to say happy mother's day.

So hold out your wrist so I can see that gift.

Oh, you heard

about the mother's day bling?

Isn't it sparkly?

Dang, Mona!

That is nice!

Way better than a watch.

Shut up, Spencer.

Don't you tell Spencer to shut up.

Don't tell me not to tell Spencer to shut up.

Shut up, Spencer.

Glad to see nothing's goin' on!

What time do these people start with the singin'?

I don't know.

Maybe somebody should check their new watch.

Dee Dee, did I tell you how much I love

my bracelet?

Yes. 5 times. Once for every time

you lumbered back up to the buffet.

Pay no attention

to my mother, Phyllis.

She obviously doesn't get

the concept of appreciation.

So. Big Dee Dee,

what is your favorite thing

about the luggage I gave you?

Well, jellybean, it's stylish,

au courant, and look...

There are compartments

for everything I travel with.

[Giggles]

There's one for your hair?

What's this?

"Supa fly girl"?

Oh. That's the other gift

I gave you.

I mean, 'cause you're a supa fly girl

type lady. [Chuckles]

Why does it have sweat stains?

Well, it was locked in the suitcase.

It got hot.

I knew there was something

fishy about that luggage.

Where did you

really get it, Mona?

All right, I got it at work.

They had some stuff left over

from a video shoot. But if it helps,

those are celebrity sweat stains.

You gave me used luggage?

I don't do leftovers.

Sure, you do. His name is Charles.

You mean I gave your mother my bracelet

for nothing?

What do you mean, yourbracelet?

I knew I recognized that.

That's the one Neil gave you.

That's not true! I gave that one

to my personal trainer.

I got this one

from a guy I dated in college.

I think his name was Carlos.

You mean you have a drawer full of

ex-boyfriend jewelry?

Uh... 2 drawers. Ha ha ha.

Well, Phyllis...

It looks like you and I

have been re-gifted.

It sure does.

Oh!

Happy mother's day, everyone...

The day we celebrate the special bond

between mother and child...

Yeah. Hmph.

A bond of love, respect, and gratitude.

Yeah, right.

[Applause]

Who feels the mother's day spirit?

[Cheering and applause]

I said, who feels the mother's day spirit?

Get that thing outta my face!

[Crowd cheering]

Thanks for inviting me to watch the game

with you, Mr. Thorne.

Well, since you came up here and started

eatin' up all my snacks

and plopped yourself on the couch,

I figured it was the polite thing to do.

You know, it's good hangin'

with the Thorne guys for a change.

But why aren't we at your place watchin' it

on one of your giant plasma tvs?

Nah. Housekeeper

switched everything to Spanish,

and I haven't figured out

how to switch it back.

Can I ask you somethin'?

How do you handle bein' around women

all the time?

I mean, they're always at each other.

Chester...

When you've spent the last 30 years

surrounded by females, you learn to tune out

all that chatter.

It just becomes

a lot of "mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah."

Ain't that right, drew?

[Charles chuckles] That's my boy.

I like seein' you hang with drew, Mr. T.

It makes me think about my dad...

Even though I don't

remember that much about him.

Except that one time at the zoo.

We saw this baboon with the funniest face.

So I fed him...

Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah.

[Sighs heavily]

[Sighs heavily]

Some mother's day this turned out to be.

You know, I just knew I was gettin'

that luggage.

Then Mona gives me a watch.

But I just knew I was gettin'

that luggage!

Well, at least you can wear

yourdaughter's gift.

I have to push mine around.

Outside.[chuckles]

And then they drag us here

to sit for hours eating eggs Benedict.

What kind of brunch doesn't serve

pigs in a blanket?

Sure sounds crappy to me.

Excuse me?

It's just that I got kids...

And y'all see where I'm spendin'

my mother's day...

In the toilet.

Breath mint?

- No, thanks. - No, thanks.

I couldn't afford to give my mama stuff

like luggage and watches.

But every time I gave her a hug,

she told me that was the only gift

she ever needed.

Sweet woman! Mmm!

That's why I was so surprised

when she held up that liquor store.

I guess there were some gifts she needed.

Oh. That reminds me... I need to send her

some cigarettes for currency in the pen.

Do you know she hasn't spoken 2 words

to her daughter since we got here?

I may have been a bit

- aloof. - Oh.

But she's just been plain evil.

I'm gonna go work this out

with my baby.

Thank you for your wisdom.

You're welcome, honey. Go and thank me in cash.

[Chuckles] Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

I'll use the men's room. Mona,

thanks for the watch.

What?

And the brunch.

And for being such a wonderful daughter.

How many mimosas have you had?

One minute you're giving me

all this grief

about some stupid luggage,

and now you're gettin'

all seventh heaven on me?

I'm just not all the comfortable

with you spending so much time

with the Dee dees.

I mean, I come over

to mydaughter's apartment,

and I find big Dee Dee laughin' and talkin'

with mydaughter.

Then you give her that fabulous present.

I just feel like...

I'm losing you.

Mmm! Mmm, mmm.

Ma... you couldn't shake me

if you wanted to.

You and I have a relationship

that a lot of mothers and daughters go

a lifetime without.

So stop tryin' to mess it up

with all this insecure mumbo jumbo.

Hey... i'mthe mother. Don't tell me what to do.

Even if you do know just what to say.

Oh!

[Sobbing]

That's what mother's day is supposed to be about.

I'm gonna go call my mama and tell her.

Y'all watch my stuff, would you? [Sobs]

And I do know

exactly how much money is

in my tip jar. Mmm.

[Ending spiritual song]

Sweetheart, I need to talk to you.

I'm sorry. Are you addressing me

or your luggage?

Dee Dee, I want to apologize

for my terrible behavior.

Really?

It's just... Since the baby,

everyone treats me like such a... Mommy.

Now I don't know if you see me

as your friend

or as your out-of-shape mother.

Oh, I see you as both. Wait.

That didn't come out right.

I guess if there's one person

I counted on not to treat me

like a mother,

it was my daughter.

Mom, I will always see you

as that fantastic... fabulous.

Fabulous woman that you are.

Just because I gave you a stroller

doesn't change that.

Oh, thank god.

But now I know how you feel.

So... next Saturday...

Let's spend the day getting pampered

and then have high tea at the Fairmont.

Oh, honey, that sounds perfect.

Oh, thank you.

But you know, all of this could've

been avoided if you'd just told me

what you really wanted.

Oh, dear, you know i'm not one to make a fuss.

♪ This will be ♪

♪ an everlasting love ♪

♪ this will be ♪

♪ the one I've waited for ♪

♪ this will be ♪

♪ the first time anyone has loved me ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ I'm so glad ♪

♪ he found me in time ♪

♪ I'm so glad that ♪

♪ he rectified my mind ♪

♪ this will be ♪

♪ an everlasting love for me ♪

♪ ohh, ohh, ohh ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ loving you ♪

♪ is some kind of wonderful ♪

So, is everybody ok now?

Almost. Mona, i'm sorry I flipped out

about your gift.

We're cool... After we make a little stop

at your boyfriend drawer.

[Laughs]

Ooh, speaking of gifts,

if you don't want yours, I'd be happy to take it.

Of course, Phyllis. You're welcome

to the baby stroller.

You can push your cats in it.

♪ Yes, it will, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ you brought a lot of sunshine ♪

♪ into my life ♪

♪ you filled me with happiness ♪

♪ I never knew ♪

♪ you gave me more joy than I ever dreamed of ♪

♪ and no one, no one ♪

♪ can take the place of you ♪

Both: ♪ this will be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

♪ yes-sir-ee ♪

♪ eternally ♪

♪ huggin' and squeezin' and kissin' and pleasin' ♪

♪ together forever through rain or whatever ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ you and me ♪

♪ as long as I'm livin' true love I'll be givin' ♪

♪ to you I'll be servin' 'cause you're so deservin' ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ you're so deservin' ♪

♪ yeah, yeah ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ love, love ♪

♪ love, love, love ♪

♪ love, love ♪

♪ love, love, love, love ♪

♪ love ♪

♪ from now on ♪

Come on!

That was a foul, man!

What are you talkin' about?!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

Stop cryin'! Stop cryin'!

Boom! Shak-a-laka- laka-laka-laka!

Ohh!

Do you smell somethin'?

[Sniffs]

Yeah, I do.

What time they gettin' back

from that brunch?

20 minutes.

Yeah, I don't smell anything.

Me, neither.

Ohh!

Ohh... ha ha ha ha!

Woman: Woohoo! [Giggles]

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