Original subtitles

It's so lovely of you to invite me

to a nice lunch.

Ok, this is the spot. My treat.

Hot dogs?

You said we were having lunch

at a little outdoor French place.

They serve hot dogs on croissants.

Oh, crap! Hide me. It's footman.

I know Superman and brotherman.

Who the hell is "footman"?

Remember Clay?

The guy I dated who was in love with my feet

and only my feet?

He wanted me to put them up to the phone

when he called.

That's him. Let's go.

I don't want him to see me.

Dee Dee?

Clay! How wonderful to see you!

You really mean that? Of course I mean it.

Mona, tell Clay I really mean it.

The higher the voice, the more she means it.

You know, Dee Dee, walking out on you

was the biggest mistake that I ever made,

but if forced me to face my foot fetish.

And ever since then, I got myself into rehab,

and I've been living a whole new life

above the ankle.

Well, thanks to some intense therapy

and a whole lot of supervised outings

to lady foot locker.

I thought I saw you in there when I was buying

my exercise bra.

Yeah. Well, I'm glad

you sought help.

Congratulations.

You know, Dee Dee, um, I know that I blew it.

But give me a second chance,

I promise you won't be sorry.

Think about it?

I will.

Ok. Bye.

Ok, I thought about it.

Fat chance, foot sniffer.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

I got your message marked "urgent."

Actually, Adam wrote "urgment."

But... i figured it out 'cause, you know,

I'm on it like that.

So, what's up?

Someone neglected to get the rights

for the music we sampled

on lube job's new cd get the squeak out.

You're kidding.

Fire that dummy.

That dummy is you!

Does the name "Omar Wright" ring a bell?

Isn't he one of the brothers that discovered the airplane?

That's Orville.

I thought he was the popcorn guy.

Hey, you can have I.Q. Or g.Q.

Omar Wright, a.K.A. "The daddy of funk."

Huge star from the seventies.

You were supposed to get him

to sign over usage

of funk don't come 'round here no more

I'm sorry I dropped the ball.

Spence, we've got a warehouse full of cds

ready to ship.

[Sighs] Ok, I'm on it.

But not like I was on it before

'cause that was... Off it.

Get it moving!

All right, I'm gone.

[Both laughing]

Hello, hello. Just thought I'd stop by

with mother's little darlin'.

Oh, mom.

I'm so glad you brought drew.

Actually, he's at the park

with his nanny.

Say hello to coco.

People are gonna think you gave birth

to a werewolf.

Oh.

Why is coco in drew's carrier?

She won't get out of it.

Which is completely normal according to her therapist.

She's jealous of the new...

[Whispering] B-a-b-y.

That's why I decided we needed

some alone time.

Ooh, gorgeous flowers.

They're from Clay. Remember him?

Ah, footman.

I was so sorry to see him go

in his big shiny Mercedes with his primo opera tickets.

Mmm!

I thought he was damn near perfect

till he cheated on me with my big toe.

Dee Dee, the man went to rehab,

and he practically begged for a second chance.

Mona, as a matter of policy, I don't do second.

I don't eat seconds, I don't come in second,

and I think we all know how I feel

about secondhand clothes.

I say you learn from your mistakes

and you move on.

That's right. 'Cause there are

so many other handsome, sweet,

successful men knockin' down your door.

Oh, wait. That was last year.

This is the year you named

your shower massage.

Don't drag fredrico into this.

Must you girls be so crass?

Dee, you shouldn't just write people off.

They canchange.

The place: The mighty Mississippi.

I was performing showboat on a showboat.

But after hours I developed a penchant for gambling.

The dice, the slots, the one-eyed Jack.

Over the years it got so bad,

I'd bet on anything,

including your first grade spelling bee.

That's when your father intervened.

I got help and,

he gave me another chance.

Even though the odds were against it.

Anyway, Clay is a wonderful guy

who's crazy about you.

Are you gonna let some silly "policy" of yours

get in the way of what could be

a great relationship?

It doesn't make much sense, does it?

Ok, I'm gonna give Clay a call.

You will?

Yeah, you make good points.

And now I know why you were counting all that cash

after the spelling bee.

You got your cut.

So, you're telling me that Omar turned down

the money

and the free delicious records

bomber jacket?

He doesn't care about the money,

he doesn't want his music sampled,

and he thinks the jacket's ugly.

Duh. That's why it's free.

Hey.

I just dropped by to borrow

that juicer I got you

that you never use. Pretend I'm not here.

Why does Omar Wright have to be

the one person in the business

with integrity?

Did you say Omar Wright?

I loves me some Omar Wright.

You're awfully noisy for someone who's not here.

Honey, that silky voice makes me want to get down

and stay there.

As a matter of fact, Mona,

you were conceived to don't take away

my reason to funk.

Mmm! That was my song.

Of course, your father only had the short version.

Here's what you do, Spence.

Omar lives in the city. Invite him to the office.

Oh! Can I come?

Treat him like a v.I.P.

Let him know how important he is

to the delicious family.

Look, if you really want to win him over,

buy him some cognac.

Omar loves his "yac."

Ma, this is serious.

If Spencer doesn't get Omar to sign,

he could lose his job.

Yeah.

He could?

Oh, Spence, sorry.

So can I come?

'Cause I'm gonna drop by anyway.

Yes.

[Giggling]

This is my fantasy come true.

Well, almost.

We won't be kissing naked under a waterfall

of chocolate pudding.

Your mom got a little bit of freak in her.

Dee Dee, I am so happy

that you called me.

Oops.

Clay, would you be a dear and get that?

Oh, sure.

I'm just grateful to have another chance.

I really missed us.

Me, too.

I'm also missing my napkin.

And the thing I missed most

about us

is really having someone to talk to.

Yeah. That's why I wanted us

to just stay here,

you know, and kick it.

Mm-hmm.

How 'bout some more wine,

and then I'll get the hors d'oeuvres?

Great idea. Ok.

Dee Dee, I know what you're doing.

Oh, this? I read about it in cosmo.

It's one of 10 ways to tone your thighs

and start a conversation with your man.

Ok, we need to talk.

Well, I'll be damned. It works!

Dee Dee, I realize that you're nervous

about dating me again,

but you've gotta stop

with these ridiculous tests.

Am I that obvious?

Dee Dee, you picked up

the wine glass with your feet.

I mean, before rehab,

I would have given you my car

for that,

but... but i'm a new man, ok?

And if this is gonna work out, you gotta

trust in me.

Ok. But at least give me props

on my fabulous pedicure.

Heh heh, and that concludes our tour

of delicious records,

your home, Omar.

Ooh... mr. Wright.

Don't forget who you're talking to...

The daddy of funk.

I invented it in my mama's basement.

Ok.

As part of the delicious family,

we just want...

I don't want to be a part of your family.

I don't even like my own damn family.

And I'm not signing that release.

My music is my legacy.

I don't want anybody messing with it.

You see, all you young bloods

think about is money

and new places to stick your diamonds.

I'm an artist.

I'm a philosopher.

I'm gonna get me some of that.

How you doin', little mama?

I'm fine, thank you.

I know you're fine.

I asked you how you were doin'.

Why don't I introduce you to my friend Phyllis...

Why don't you just let the players play.

I'm Omar Wright.

I know.

The daddy of funk.

And I am a fan of the funk.

Of course you are, you little tenderoni.

Ahem! Ahem!

Well, I guess I better go.

Bye.

[Whispering] Bye!

Ooh, that is one classy lady.

[Silently]

Listen, if you hook me up with her,

I'll think about signing that paper.

[Scoffs]

What kind of person would barter

a friend's mother

for commercial gain?

She'll be on your porch by 7:00.

So, Mona, you were right.

A shower head

is not a replacement for a man.

You didn't.

I did.

As you pointed out, it had been a while,

and it was Clay-licious!

See? That's what happens

when you listen to your big sis.

I'm really happy for you, Dee Dee.

Thank you.

You know, and I'd forgotten

what a great guy Clay really is.

And we connected on so many

different levels.

And none of 'em had to do with my feet.

Good morning, dandelion.

Uh...

They're on vacation,

so it's not really stealing.

In fact, if I leave it there,

it's just litter.

Ah, who cares?

Those people are just a rent check to me.

If you're looking for Dee Dee,

she already left for class.

Oh, pooh! I brought pictures of drew.

Well, I'll just drop these off

at Dee Dee's.

Hey, can I get in there?

Dee Dee went grocery shopping yesterday,

and I'm out of everything.

Sure.

So...

Dee Dee and Clay are really hitting it off.

I know. She called me.

She said she's never been happier,

and she owes it all to us.

Well, she didn't say that last part,

but it was implied.

We were so right about Clay.

[Clay giggling]

Oops.

Would you believe that I was just changing

the odor-eaters?

No.

And I'll overlook that you spent the night here

and deal with the bigger issue!

Clay, you said you were cured,

and we believed you.

What happened?

Dee Dee's shoe closet.

I walked in, and there they were...

180 perfect pair,

each in their own little cubby.

Please don't tell Dee Dee.

I really care for her. I know I can beat this.

I know I can. Please?

Huddle up, Daisy cup.

[Whispering] So, what do you think?

I don't know. What do you think?

This looks bad,

although anyone could have

a weak moment.

And Dee Dee's closet is magnificent.

Even I get aroused in there.

Well, Dee Dee is more like her old, happy self.

I guess it's true... You're less edgy

when you're getting some...

Special attention from someone you care about.

Nice save, dear.

Plus, it was our idea to give Clay a chance.

Maybe we should take our own advice.

Agreed.

Break! Break!

Clay, your secret's safe with us.

Now let's get this mess cleaned up.

I'll help.

No, no, no, no. You put on some pants

and call your sponsor! Go, go, go!

So, ma, you're going out

with Omar again tonight?

Yeah. And we are havin' a ball. Hmm.

[Cell phone rings]

Ooh! That's Omar!

You're too young to hear this.

'Scuse me.

Hi.

I cannot believe you set my mom up

with that broke-ass funk master.

I didn't actually set them up, per se.

Ok, I dropped her off at his place

with a case of yac.

Spencer, you are not gonna use my mother

to get him to sign over the rights

to that song.

But your mother's my only chance

of keeping my job.

Well, I hear they're looking for a guy

to work the shake machine

at the rib shack.

[Whistling]

You look pretty.

Thanks. I'm on my way

to meet Clay.

Oh, crap. I mean, how nice!

[Knock on door]

Hey, dees.

Sugar pop, doesn't Dee Dee look

a little sturdy

around the ankles?

Especially in those shoes

she's planning to wear on her date with Clay?

Uh... yeah. Trunk-like.

Really?

I thought I was retaining water.

Oh, yeah. You might want to

put on some boots,

and some pants... Cover that mess up.

Oh, my ankle bracelet was feeling

a little tight.

I'll be more comfortable anyway.

We're going to rap Sushi.

This could be trouble.

True. Boot season doesn't start

for 3 more months.

I mean rap Sushi's that Japanese restaurant

where they give you dirty looks

if you don't take your shoes off.

Maybe we should tell Dee Dee the truth.

Oh, no, no, no.

Clearly you weren't raised by me.

A lie worth telling is a lie worth sticking to.

I learned that from a president.

But I digress.

Dee Dee and Clay could have a good thing

if he would just stay on track.

He seemed pretty confident

he'd be fine.

Well, he's gonna need support.

I hope you're hungry

'cause you're going to rap Sushi tonight.

Come on!

You want me to sneak around

just to keep Clay from exposing himself and us?

Welcome to the fold.

You're starting to think like a Dee Dee. Now go!

[Elevator bell dings]

[Laughing]

Hey. I got here

as soon as I got your message.

What's... what's going on?

Omar has something he wants to say to you.

[Whispers]

Yes, I'll drop it like it's hot

when we're done.

Well, Phyllis pointed out

how this sampling thing could expose my music

to a whole new generation,

maybe even jump-start my career.

And she said that you're not nearly

as bone-headed as I thought.

So give me the contract, I'll sign it.

Thanks, Phyllis.

Ah, no problem.

You know I love to get involved

when Mona doesn't want me to.

Welcome to the delicious family.

Now why are you always trying

to get me into your family, boy?

Don't you have a daddy?

Actually, I'm looking for him.

Well, stop looking at me

'cause I ain't him.

Uh, Spencer...

We're gonna have to do a little better

on these terms.

Omar needs more money and a cameo

in the video.

I can't change the contract.

I'm not even allowed to adjust the thermostat.

Look, this talented man

has brought joy

to people all over the world.

He deserves everything

he's asking for.

And a Cadillac.

Don't push it, Omar.

I can't believe musiq is performing

here tonight.

The owner tipped me off. They're friends,

so musiq's doing him a favor.

I just love musiq's music.

Musiq: ♪ now what we came here to do ♪

♪ it means more to me than just a night ♪

♪ that we'll share ♪

♪ so make sure that you're prepared, baby ♪

♪ and know that love is not just ♪

♪ something to do ♪

♪ it's the moment that transcends ♪

♪ our physical ♪

♪ into a more spiritual ♪

♪ level of understanding ♪

♪ and who knows? ♪

This is so amazing.

♪ This night ♪

♪ just might lead us ♪

♪ into a place where our emotions ♪

♪ can be given free roam... ♪

I'm gonna go to the men's room.

Ok. Ok.

♪ I want attractions and lose ourselves ♪

♪ inside of what may fall ♪

Man up.

Ooh, Mona, what are you doing here?

Keeping you from doing what I know you want

to be doing here.

Clay, we went out on a limb for you.

I know, I'm trying, I'm trying, I really am,

but... would you look at the array of

colors and sizes.

This is gonna be a long night.

But I'm here to help,

so if I slap you,

will you like it or will you

snap out of it?

Then, Mona, that's a whole 'nother problem.

Now get back to that table

and keep your hands where I can see 'em

or you'll be plucking sashimi

out of your 'fro.

Thanks. This is just what I needed.

Go!

Oh, Clay...

Would you take a picture of me with musiq?

Sure.

Did you just take a picture of my feet?

No.yes, you did.

No, I didn't.

Yeah, man, you did.

I... i just saw you.

Ok, fine, I did. I'm sorry,

but I just wanted a picture for my wallet.

Yo, this is, um, getting kinda freaky.

I'm out of here. Yo, good luck, y'all.

Clay,

what is going on with you?

I'm sorry.

But I just gotta embrace who I really am.

And that's a foot-fondling,

shoe-stroking man.

There, I said it.

And I adore

everything else about you,

but this just isn't gonna work.

Yeah, I know.

I'm sorry, but this thing really has a hold of me.

So could you send me a copy of that picture?

No? Ok.

How could I have been so blind about Clay?

There must have been a billion signs.

You're awfully quiet.

You know something.

Don't know nothin'.

Ok! I walked in on Clay half-naked

cavorting with your shoes.

Eww! Which ones?

My Charles Davids? My satines? My Jimmy choos?

All of 'em. Eww! Ewww!

Why didn't you tell me?

Your mom wanted to give Clay

the benefit of the doubt.

My mother knew? Eww, eww, eww!

Oh, that's it.

No more second chances ever.

Hey, hey, wait.

What if I'd felt that way about dad?

Or you?

We wouldn't be having

this conversation,

or a relationship, for that matter.

That's deep.

But you're still gonna help me

sanitize 180 pairs of shoes.

My manolos?

Mm-hmm.

My manolos?!

Eww!

You've just heard who knows by musiq

on his album soulstar.

Woman: Woohoo! [Giggles]

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