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1
00:00:01,697 --> 00:00:03,827
Then on the day that I've
chosen for my c-section,
2
00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:06,106
Mr. Geoffrey will put the finishing
touches on my hair and makeup,
3
00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:07,916
and the limo will whisk us off
4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,838
to the luxury suite
at bay city's general,
5
00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:11,922
and finally,
Dr. Bruckner will take me
6
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,802
to that lovely land of ether,
7
00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:15,713
where I'll be gutted
like a Tom Turkey.
8
00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:18,889
Mom, it's childbirth.
9
00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:22,195
It's not like they're gonna
serve you with Mac and cheese.
10
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:23,893
But when it's over,
11
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,610
I'll be holding our sweet
little cherub in my arms
12
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:27,814
with absolutely no
work on my part.
13
00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,677
I must say, sweetheart,
14
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,028
motherhood certainly brings out
15
00:00:31,118 --> 00:00:33,248
the nurturing side of you.
16
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,207
Now, let's go get you packed.
17
00:00:35,296 --> 00:00:38,256
I don't want you to be late
for your big business retreat.
18
00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:40,432
I don't know, Dee. I'm
still a little uncomfortable
19
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:43,168
about going off into the
wilderness so close to the birth.
20
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,260
Daddy, you're just
going for the weekend.
21
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:47,919
The c-section isn't
scheduled for another 3 weeks.
22
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:50,794
And Maverick woods is
more than a mere retreat.
23
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,956
It's a gold plated announcement
that you have arrived.
24
00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:54,509
And when you have
arrived, I have arrived,
25
00:00:54,532 --> 00:00:55,972
and I so like arrivin'.
26
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:03,888
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪
27
00:01:03,976 --> 00:01:08,156
♪ you're finding
you I'm finding me ♪
28
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:11,812
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪
29
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,507
♪ who brings out the joy ♪
30
00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:14,805
♪ brings out the joy ♪
31
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:18,080
♪ inside of me ♪
32
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:20,465
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪
33
00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:22,598
♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪
34
00:01:22,691 --> 00:01:26,091
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪
35
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,833
♪ you and me ♪
36
00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:30,743
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪
37
00:01:30,829 --> 00:01:33,179
Ooh. [Chuckles]
38
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:39,490
I have freshened up the birth
announcement for the newspaper.
39
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:41,537
"Charles and Dee
Dee Thorne of seacliff
40
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:45,283
"are proud to announce the
arrival of drew Christian Thorne,
41
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:48,926
"future Harvard
valedictorian, Mars explorer,
42
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,851
and mayor of San Francisco."
43
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,069
Why not just go for broke
and make him governor?
44
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:59,509
Then he'd have to be an actor
first, and that's a lot of pressure.
45
00:01:59,597 --> 00:02:01,447
It sounds like you've got
everything under control.
46
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:03,299
There's nothing left
to do now but relax
47
00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:05,084
and get our delivery pedicures.
48
00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,388
My goodness, you have a leak.
49
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:11,869
My goodness.
50
00:02:11,957 --> 00:02:13,387
Ihave a leak!
51
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,092
Mom, the doctor
said you might be
52
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:18,700
a little incontinent
toward the end.
53
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:20,710
Remember the other
day when you sneezed?
54
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:25,705
This is no sneeze,
Dee. My water just broke.
55
00:02:25,797 --> 00:02:27,187
We need to get to the hospital.
56
00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:28,967
And the dry cleaners
need to be alerted
57
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,151
to an emergency
fabric situation.
58
00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:34,374
God knows, I love my little boy.
59
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:37,238
But nobody messes
with my Valentino.
60
00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:39,421
Ok, this is not what we planned.
61
00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:42,117
But I can handle
it. Everything's cool.
62
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,855
Mona! The baby's coming!
63
00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:45,596
Get up here, and help me now!
64
00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:47,317
Try to stay calm,
dear. You're not the one
65
00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:49,431
with the Indian ocean
lapping at your feet.
66
00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:52,523
Finally! Where the
hell have you been?
67
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:54,997
Sorry, the batpole's
on the Fritz.
68
00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:57,737
Now, everybody chill. Dee
Dee, get your mother her coat,
69
00:02:57,829 --> 00:02:59,269
and do you have
your doctor's number?
70
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:01,883
His home, his cell,
and his mistress.
71
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:04,773
We'll call him on the
way to the hospital.
72
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,013
We can take my car.
73
00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:07,318
[Gasps]What if the baby's born
74
00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:08,804
on the way to the hospital?
75
00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:10,494
Like I said, we'll
take your car.
76
00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:16,846
Mona, open up.
77
00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:18,625
I'm out here with
liquor in a brown bag.
78
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,110
People gonna think I'm homeless.
79
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,941
With damn good taste in booze.
80
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,468
What's up, Spence?
81
00:03:24,552 --> 00:03:26,292
Me and Mona are
takin' in a TiVo marathon.
82
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:28,030
6 hours of newlyweds.
83
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,010
Every time Jessica Simpson
says something stupid,
84
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:32,115
we have to do a shot.
85
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,482
Oh, y'all are really tryin'
to get drunk with that one.
86
00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:37,263
Yeah, that's the plan.
87
00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:38,777
But Mona's not home.
88
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,240
I guess she had to
run out for somethin'.
89
00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,573
Then allow me.
90
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:44,697
I thought she took
away your key.
91
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,569
She took away thatkey.
92
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,142
And what kind of
mother would I be
93
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,059
if I didn't have a backup?
94
00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:56,893
I can't tell you
how excited I am.
95
00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:58,055
You're my first patient.
96
00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:00,540
My very first!
97
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:02,681
Aren't I the lucky
little Guinea pig?
98
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,164
Let me just make sure
99
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,464
your room is prepped.Ok.
100
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,725
What are you here for, anyway?
101
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:12,989
Prostate surgery.
102
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:15,653
Neah, neah, neah, neah!
103
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:18,393
My mother is having a baby!
104
00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:20,605
If you don't get her
into that room pronto,
105
00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:24,045
you're gonna be pushing the
book cart at the senior center!
106
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:26,963
Wow, my first tongue lashing.
107
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:30,533
This day is just
chock-full of milestones.
108
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:33,005
I keep trying dad's cell phone,
109
00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:35,138
but all I get is voice mail.
110
00:04:35,231 --> 00:04:37,471
And since when did he start using
brick house as background music?
111
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:40,584
Since pregnancy gave me these.
112
00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:44,851
Dee Dee, we need the itinerary that
your father gave you so we can find him.
113
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:47,106
I don't have it.
114
00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:49,269
It flew out of the car when you
asked me to turn up the heat,
115
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,379
and I accidentally
put the top down.
116
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:53,205
You what?
117
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,143
Hey, calm down, Dee Dee.
I'll just call dad's assistant.
118
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:57,174
Well, you'd better
find him somehow.
119
00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:58,953
He planted this seed,
and he damn well
120
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:00,647
better be here for the harvest!
121
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,296
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
122
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,570
She back on the dove bars again.
123
00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:09,608
Girlfriend's gettin' cozy
now that she's got a man.
124
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,140
She on a slippery
slope to plus size city.
125
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:15,357
You shouldn't be
snoopin' through her stuff.
126
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,795
Mothers don't snoop. We protect.
127
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:20,712
And if that means relocating
temptations to our own homes,
128
00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:22,798
then so be it.
129
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,757
Phyllis, I'm ashamed of you.
130
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,846
But if you snicker
me, we'll let it slide.
131
00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:31,806
[Cell phone rings]
132
00:05:33,245 --> 00:05:34,805
[Deep voice] Hello.
133
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,861
Mona, where are you?
134
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,429
Whoa. I'm on it.
135
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,945
Big Dee Dee just
went into labor.
136
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:44,518
Mona needs me
to find Mr. Thorne.
137
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:46,255
But his secretary
not in her office.
138
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,606
Felicia? No problem.
139
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,825
I know her cell number.
140
00:05:49,914 --> 00:05:52,244
We used to have lunch once a week
to bitch about old short and stingy.
141
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:53,964
[Dialing]
142
00:05:54,049 --> 00:05:56,659
Man, I can't believe
the baby's 3 weeks early.
143
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:59,747
I guess 9 months in that gut
is more than anybody can take.
144
00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:03,362
That baby ain't bein'
born. He's escapin'.
145
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:11,108
Who are you?
146
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:13,676
And shouldn't you be lying down?
147
00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:15,724
I should be. But
thanks to my husband,
148
00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:17,860
the "unemployed musician,"
149
00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:21,252
I've gotta keep working until I
drop "unemployed musician junior."
150
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:25,120
I'm Dr. Morgan. I'm
filling in for Dr. Bruckner.
151
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:26,950
He's busy delivering
quadruplets.
152
00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:29,608
Oh, I bet that's what
the camera crew was for.
153
00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:31,653
They get a camera
crew and I don't?
154
00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:33,439
Don't they know who I am?
155
00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,093
What do you expect
from a hospital
156
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:38,047
that doesn't send a
helicopter to pick you up?
157
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:41,266
You're already dilated 4
centimeters. Lucky you.
158
00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:44,577
I'm a week overdue. Ha,
ha. Damn that pity sex.
159
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:50,114
Can we focus on what's
really important... me?
160
00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:52,112
[Sighs] You know I
could've been a vet?
161
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,724
But no, I had to
work with people!
162
00:06:55,893 --> 00:06:58,813
All right. It won't be long before
we get your delivery going.
163
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,636
Delivery? Oh, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
164
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:02,684
I ordered a c-section.
165
00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:05,510
Obviously, your hormones
have clouded your judgment.
166
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:08,169
Get a barren doctor in here.
167
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:10,343
All right, listen. Between
my swollen ankles
168
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,950
and junior kickin'
me in the kidneys,
169
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,870
I'm no happier being
here than you are.
170
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,295
But your baby's comin' today,
171
00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:17,221
and it is comin' out the chute!
172
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,956
Oh, we're all gonna bear witness
173
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,310
to the miracle of birth.
174
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,660
Anyone else have goosebumps?
175
00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:27,619
[Laughs]
176
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,228
You're gonna have
a 2-inch goosebump
177
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:30,888
in the middle of your forehead
178
00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:32,932
if you don't lay off
the sunshine, Britney.
179
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:36,715
Wait, doctor. Before you go,
180
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:38,594
when's the earliest she
can have an epidural,
181
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,845
and can she walk
around if she needs to?
182
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,288
Well, she can have an epidural
183
00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:43,944
after she reaches 5 centimeters.
184
00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:45,828
And she can walk
whenever she wants, all right?
185
00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:48,466
Look at me. I've been
on my feet all damn day!
186
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,299
Very impressive, Dixie cup.
187
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:55,385
I watch the learning
channel a lot.
188
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,255
I can identify the
10 deadliest spiders
189
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,256
and perform a
tracheotomy with a pen.
190
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,533
This whole natural
childbirth thing
191
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:04,442
is ruining all of our plans!
192
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:07,307
We booked a suite, a
limo, not to mention a florist,
193
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:10,049
a harpist, and a
feng shui master!
194
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,881
Why is this happening?
195
00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:14,359
The baby's early.
Charles isn't here.
196
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:17,150
And to top it off, I don't
have my delivery hair!
197
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:21,405
Ohh! ohh! My mom's in pain!
198
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,421
My mom's in pain!
Give my mother the shot!
199
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,285
Hey, hey, hey. Remember
what the nurse said.
200
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:30,206
Breathe through the
contraction. You, too, Dee Dee.
201
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,642
[Breathing] Hee hee hee hoo.
202
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,298
All: Hee, hee, hee, hoo.
203
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:35,602
Go get the doctor.
I need my epidural.
204
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:39,389
No, no, no, no. I need your
calming energy, Mona. Stay.
205
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:40,955
Dee Dee, you go, dear.
206
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,912
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
207
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,480
You're an angel.
208
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,177
Mona: Oh. Anything
I can do to help.
209
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:47,424
Big Dee Dee: Thank
you. Will you stay
210
00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:48,699
for the whole time, dear?
211
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,139
Of course, I will. Thank you.
212
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:54,357
Oh, this feels so good.
213
00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:55,576
Heaven on earth.
214
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:58,145
I hope it never stops.
215
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:00,063
Oh, thanks, mom.
216
00:09:00,148 --> 00:09:02,718
I've been practicing these
massage techniques for weeks.
217
00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:05,553
Did I mention that Mona
doesn't know anything
218
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,762
about the calming
power of touch?
219
00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:10,421
Oh, were you touching me, dear?
220
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:14,207
I can't feel anything
below my waist.
221
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:16,512
This epidural is kick-ass!
222
00:09:18,470 --> 00:09:19,910
I must get one to go.
223
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,091
You know what I could use?
224
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,664
Something to drink.
225
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,832
Oh. Say no more.
226
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,048
Your resourceful daughter
227
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:35,227
has a liquid
pick-me-up right here.
228
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:36,583
Oh, don't drink that!
229
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,803
What's wrong, nurse Mona?
230
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:41,542
Jealous 'cause you're juiceless?
231
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:44,414
No, the doctor said the sugar
in that could make her nauseous.
232
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,016
That's why I
brought the ice chips.
233
00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:47,937
Baby's first moments
on earth are scary enough
234
00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:50,812
without being puked on by mommy.
235
00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:54,074
Thank you, dear. You seem
to know just what I need.
236
00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:55,548
[Both laughing]
237
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:56,898
[Mocking] Thank you, dear.
238
00:09:56,987 --> 00:10:00,117
You seem to know
just what I need.
239
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:04,168
Oh, Dee Dee, honey, did you
remember to bring the camera?
240
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:06,075
Of course, I did.
241
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:09,700
It's the one thing
I know I packed...
242
00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:13,183
In my other bag that
I left in the living room
243
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:16,014
along with my last
shred of dignity.
244
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:19,103
Not to worry. I always
carry one in my purse
245
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:20,623
in case I have a Fender bender.
246
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:23,317
This has 9 accidents
on it already.
247
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:25,929
And a picture of a fiber bar
248
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:28,056
when the camera
went off in my purse.
249
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:30,209
You're just ready for anything,
aren't you, Bumblebee?
250
00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:32,328
Well, you never know what
life's gonna throw at you.
251
00:10:32,414 --> 00:10:34,764
[Giggling]
252
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:40,030
[Mocking] Oh, you never know
what life's gonna throw at you.
253
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,597
Smile.
254
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,600
[Burps]
255
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,298
Ah.[howling]
256
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,039
Thanks for comin'
with me, Phyllis.
257
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,700
You know, ever
since the wizard of oz,
258
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,384
I don't like being
around a lot of trees.
259
00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:58,308
They might start
talkin' and grabbin'.
260
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:02,142
No wonder we couldn't get
Charles on the cell phone.
261
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:05,836
Leave it to that man to put me
through hell's meat grinder on my day off.
262
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:08,616
Unpaved roads, unmarked paths,
263
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:11,061
and 2 interstates away
from the nearest kfc.
264
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,866
Well, actually, he didn't
know we were comin'.
265
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,550
So you really can't blame him.
266
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:18,462
Look, I adored that
man through high school
267
00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:19,897
and 3 long years of marriage.
268
00:11:19,983 --> 00:11:21,993
I earned the right to blame him.
269
00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:23,482
And please, what kind of
man goes off into the woods
270
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:25,638
when his wife is havin' a baby?
271
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,048
And why couldn't he have done
that with me and stayed there?
272
00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:29,118
[Gasps]
273
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:30,730
Did that tree just move?
274
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:36,224
Why are we here?
275
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,574
Men: Because we're men!
276
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,393
And what do men do? All: Hunt!
277
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:40,921
Warner: And? Attack!
278
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,664
And? acquire!
279
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,915
Now release the warrior within.
280
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:47,318
All: Unhhh!
281
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:49,973
Good!
282
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:51,377
Men like us don't
get where we are
283
00:11:51,449 --> 00:11:52,779
by being followers.
We're leaders...
284
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,319
All: Haaa!
285
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:55,849
Which I discuss in depth
286
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,542
in my book and
interactive cd set,
287
00:11:57,629 --> 00:11:59,889
don't be a follower,
be a leader.
288
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,460
$149.95, Amazon dot
com. Free shipping.
289
00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:05,245
Now...
290
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,073
Who wants to jump
into the ring of truth?
291
00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:11,911
I'll jump into
the ring of truth!
292
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:13,912
Good! That's a leader!
293
00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:16,914
Now, let me hear it!
Release the warrior within!
294
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:20,087
Eeeaahhh!
295
00:12:20,174 --> 00:12:22,394
[Applause]
296
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,220
Excellent, Charles!
297
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,438
Tell me, what's
your greatest fear?
298
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,879
What the hell is
this, a pajama party?
299
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:33,622
My greatest fear!
300
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:36,839
I see it! It's here!
301
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,587
Charles, big Dee Dee
just went into labor.
302
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,392
You'd better hurry up before
the queen moose calves.
303
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:44,333
Oh, my god. I'll get my bag.
304
00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:47,845
Hey, I seen you on TV, man.
305
00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:51,121
You come on after the guy that
sells the Turkey jerky maker 3000.
306
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:53,115
Which, by the way,
is a quality product.
307
00:12:55,078 --> 00:12:57,078
So you guys are
all the biggies, huh?
308
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:59,467
Well, while you're here
roastin' your little weenies,
309
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,741
your women are home
takin' over the planet.
310
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:05,054
'Cause we don't need some macho
campfire nonsense to get ahead.
311
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,612
We already got the real power.
312
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,793
Which I address in my book
313
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,456
let them think they've
got the real power,
314
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:13,966
we know the truth.
315
00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:15,934
With a foreword by Bill Clinton.
316
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:19,758
Why didn't you just
call me on my cell?!
317
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:23,112
Because you can't get through in
the middle of all these redwoods.
318
00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:24,673
You brought a cell phone?
319
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,630
That's just an electronic leash
320
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:28,438
that keeps you from
reaching your full potential!
321
00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:29,899
If I don't get to my wife,
322
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:32,813
she's gonna cut
my full potential off!
323
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:44,523
So I understand you're almost
completely dilated, Mrs. Thorne.
324
00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:46,126
Hang in there, mom!
325
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:49,791
What she means
is you're doing great.
326
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,922
I don't know if I can
take much more of this.
327
00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:54,265
Look, lady, you
think you got it bad?
328
00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,155
I'm goin' through everything
you're goin' through
329
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:59,143
except I have to
listen to your whining.
330
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:02,539
Her bedside
manner really stinks.
331
00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:05,714
Wait. This is it.
The baby's coming.
332
00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,851
Really? I can't feel a thing.
333
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:10,154
Not yours. Mine.
334
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,720
Hallelujah. All right, nurse.
335
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,407
I need you to get
another doctor in here.
336
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:16,031
I'm finally gonna
evict this squatter.
337
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:19,156
Oh, and remember, toots.
It only gets worse from here.
338
00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:22,692
That's it. I refuse
to have this baby
339
00:14:22,774 --> 00:14:24,304
till Charles gets here.
340
00:14:24,385 --> 00:14:25,965
I'm just gonna cross
my legs and be firm.
341
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:28,475
Whoo! Ohh. Oh.
342
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,043
Nurse? mm-hmm?
343
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,570
I felt that one.
And not in a warm
344
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,183
"I'm gonna be a
mommy" kind of a way.
345
00:14:33,263 --> 00:14:34,663
Be a good little caregiver
346
00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:36,613
and hit me with
another epidural.
347
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:39,621
Sorry, doctors orders.
We have to cut you off.
348
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:41,424
I'll give you my daughter's
diamond earrings.
349
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:42,925
Mom!
350
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:44,452
Well, I'm not gonna
give her mine.
351
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:45,725
I mean, I'm in
pain. But not stupid.
352
00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:47,974
Ooh. Oh.
353
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:50,411
Does this help? Actually, yes.
354
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,068
Thank you, tiddley wink.
355
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:53,722
Oh.[both giggle]
356
00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:57,765
Oh, yeah. It's really
tough to take a towel,
357
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,593
dip it in water,
358
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,771
and dab it on her forehead.
359
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,687
Thanks, Dee Dee.
360
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:10,036
I really didn't need
that last bit of makeup.
361
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,912
Hang on, Dee. Almost there.
362
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:18,440
Glad you could squeeze me into
your busy schedule, Dr. Bruckner.
363
00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:21,876
Well, I had some free time
between quadruplets 3 and 4.
364
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:24,104
That last little
bugger's a shy one.
365
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:27,452
Ladies, could you help
me scoot her down a bit?
366
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:30,757
Lift with me, Dee Dee.
367
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:32,152
No, you lift with me.
368
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,715
Ok, then, on my count.
369
00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:35,172
Why does it have
to be on your count?
370
00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:36,665
'Cause I'm the sane sister.
371
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:38,461
Well, I gotta be the
crazy one, Mona.
372
00:15:39,547 --> 00:15:41,327
Huh? all right. You two stop it.
373
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,328
You're scaring the
baby back into the womb,
374
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,420
and I am not going
through this twice.
375
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:49,563
What's up with you? I
thought you wanted my help.
376
00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:51,734
I did. But then, you took over
377
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,040
with your ice chips and
your calming presence
378
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:55,647
and your visible split ends.
379
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,127
Ok, that was a drive-by.
380
00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:59,867
Well, you're hogging
our brother's birth.
381
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,309
Dee Dee, I'm
just trying to help.
382
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:05,656
By making it look like you did
everything and I did nothing?
383
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:07,357
No, and as far as I'm concerned,
384
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,454
you can take credit and
tell any story you want.
385
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,933
I can? Sure, it's
the Dee Dee way.
386
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,194
No, it is not. Ok, it is.
387
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:19,593
Look, I sorta freaked out when
I saw my mom in so much pain.
388
00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:22,764
And I wanted to be
the one she leaned on.
389
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:26,551
The truth is, we were lucky we had
you here today, and I'm sorry I lost it.
390
00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:28,507
Hey, cut yourself some slack.
391
00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:30,686
You have your whole life
to be there for the baby.
392
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,512
And you're gonna be great at it
393
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,200
as long as it doesn't
involve an emergency
394
00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:36,174
and you having to be counted on.
395
00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:39,516
Ok, drive-by payback.
396
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:41,347
Aaahhh!
397
00:16:43,524 --> 00:16:47,664
You girls might wanna get
over here. The baby's crowning.
398
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:50,355
Damn Charles and
his big-headed family!
399
00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:53,581
I just hope we're not too late.
400
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:56,024
I'm secretly
praying that we are.
401
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:58,282
What are you talkin'
about, old man?
402
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,145
Truth be told,
403
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:01,646
I'm squeamish about what
I might see in there.Oh.
404
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:03,372
When Mona and Dee Dee were born,
405
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:05,377
I wasn't expected to be
in the room for the birth.
406
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:08,109
As I recall, you were barely
in the room for the conception.
407
00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:11,332
Buck up, Mr. Thorne.
You're gonna be fine.
408
00:17:11,421 --> 00:17:13,341
You're a strong black man.
409
00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:14,513
Say it with me.
410
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:17,338
Both: Strong black man.
411
00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:19,597
Disgusted black woman.
412
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,081
I am a strong black man...
413
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:24,261
A leader in the
business community.
414
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,327
I can certainly handle the
miracle of birth! That's the spirit.
415
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:29,349
Now, if I can just find
the maternity ward.
416
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:30,959
Oohhh!
417
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:35,750
Somebody get
this thing out of me!
418
00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:38,187
[Breathing]
419
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,934
I think we're close.
420
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:44,412
All right, Dee. One more push.
421
00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,279
Unh. Unh! Unh! Yes. Yes.
422
00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:51,721
Mmm! Aah! Aah!
423
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:54,199
Oh! Oh![Crying]
424
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,120
You did it!
425
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,205
I know!
426
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:00,344
And it wasn't nearly as
bad as I thought it would be!
427
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,523
I was talkin' to your mother.
428
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,909
Oh. Oh.
429
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,050
Isn't he beautiful?
430
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,663
Hi, baby.[Cries]
431
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:13,883
He's perfect.
432
00:18:13,962 --> 00:18:16,792
I think he's got my eyes.
433
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,918
Who wants to cut the cord?
434
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,270
Dee Dee?
435
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,185
Mmm. [Sniffles]
436
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:26,576
Hi, baby. How you doin'?
437
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:29,410
Mona, I could use a little help.
438
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,808
Oh.
439
00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,944
Oh, yes.
440
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:37,066
[Both giggle][Baby crying]
441
00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,549
Yeah.
442
00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:43,425
Hi, sweetie.
443
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:47,213
Dad! charles, thank goodness.
444
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:48,780
Don't tell me I missed it.
445
00:18:49,824 --> 00:18:53,044
All the pushing, screaming,
blood, and placenta.
446
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:57,182
Ha, ha. Hush it
down. Meet your son.
447
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,876
[Fussing]
448
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,844
Hi. Ooh.
449
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,403
Charles: Hey.
450
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,148
Hello, son.
451
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:07,932
[Crying]
452
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:09,756
I'm glad you're finally here.
453
00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:15,239
He got a big, beautiful
head, don't he?
454
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,773
Look at his hair.
455
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,990
Ooh, it's so soft
and manageable.
456
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:32,035
Are those spit curls?
457
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:34,257
I got him with a
little baby mousse.
458
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:38,704
It's amazing how
something so beautiful
459
00:19:38,786 --> 00:19:40,606
can come out of so much pain.
460
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:42,051
There was no pain.
461
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:44,965
Here's the official story:
462
00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:47,233
The three of us women
were limoed to the hospital.
463
00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:48,706
With only moments to spare,
464
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,486
your father was helicoptered in
465
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,800
and rushed to my
side in our deluxe suite,
466
00:19:52,887 --> 00:19:55,717
and as a beam of sunlight
filtered through the window,
467
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:58,853
drew Christian slipped
effortlessly from his mother's womb
468
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:01,416
into the welcoming
arms of the world.
469
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,204
Mmm. Mmm.
470
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:05,859
Do you really think people
are gonna believe that?
471
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:09,304
Of course they will. That's
what they want to believe.
472
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:11,172
To give them anything less
473
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,173
would crush their spirits
and diminish my legend.
474
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,127
That's your mama. Not mine.
475
00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:20,739
One day, we'll
take you for drinks
476
00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:22,698
and tell you the real story.
477
00:20:22,748 --> 00:20:27,298
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