Original subtitles

Gather round, comrades.

I have an announcement that's gonna rock your world.

You've turned straight?

I said rock your world,

not propel us into an alternate universe.

My grapevine sources have confirmed

that delicious records has been sold.

Sold? Oh, man.

I thought that was just a crazy rumor,

like baked beans giving you gas.

Moving on.

And our new head diva in charge is none other than...

Kai Owens.

Kai Owens?

She's one of the biggest and baddest in the industry.

You just know she's got a lot of her own people she's going to want to bring in.

Which is why you all have to meet with her about your positions.

Which means no one's job is secure.

Have a nice day.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you I'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

What if I lose my job? What do I do?

I can't just watch TV and eat all day.

That's what I do at night.

Mona, I didn't just help you get a job here because we were friends.

I did it because you deserved it.

You're good at what you do.

I know it, and Kai will know it, too.

Thanks, Spence.

More news from the front.

The first body just fell.

[Clang]

Kai just canned montel Johnson.

Not montel Johnson.

Yes. Montel Johnson.

Now we have no v.P. Of a&r,

and I have no one to dance with at the Christmas party.

Mmm. I'm loving that.

I'm a shoo-in for the job,

and once I'm a v.P.,

it's just a short jump to the p.

Damn, that was a fine-looking man

who was just in that elevator.

Looks like he got off on this floor. Ha, ha.

Then again,

getting fired would have its perks.

Y'all got some sad faces. Who died?

We've got a new boss.

We all might lose our jobs. What?

They can't do that to us.

Haven't they ever heard of the word "union"?

This is just the big man putting down the working man.

I want to go Norma raeon their heads!

Hell, no! We won't go!

Ali, boom-eye-a!

Hey, hey, genius.

You don't even work for delicious.

You work for building services.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

[Laughs]

Well, ha, ha, ha...

Good luck, y'all.

Hey, ma,

since the baby is due in just 2 months,

I've made a list of all the things we need to do.

So, how about we pick out a car seat?

Bought and installed.

Then maybe I could help put the baby clothes away.

Unpacked and sorted by designer.

Well, I guess I could pump up the tires on the stroller.

Balanced, gauged, and rotated.

Gee, I was just trying to feel connected,

but it looks like you've got it all covered.

Oh, Dee, honey, you are connected.

We're all a part of this production,

and there are no small parts.

Now, I remember when I was in Topeka doing man of la mancha.

Now, granted, I got the standing ovations,

but there was this young girl

waiting for me backstage every night

with a glass of water and a towel.

Gosh. I could not have gotten through that show

without that little girl.

Or was it a little boy?

Maybe it was a small adult.

Actually, I'm not even sure it was Topeka.

Mom!

I'm feeling less connected by the second.

And mother will fix that.

We will find you a plum role

in the birthing of baby Thorne.

Starring me. Ha, ha, ha.

So, tomorrow, when I re-interview,

I'll probably lose my job,

which means I won't be able to pay my bills,

which means I'll have to move into mom's spare bedroom.

Oh, honey, that will never happen.

First of all, your father would never put you out.

And second, the cats took over the spare bedroom.

They don't even let me in anymore.

Mona, don't worry. You'll do fine tomorrow.

You're great at your job.

Yeah. Why are you being so pessimistic?

Because I suck at interviews.

Hey, then just focus on the positive.

Like, don't mention the time you used too much toilet paper

and flooded the whole office.

Or when you got your hair caught in the fax machine.

Both: Or when you got fired.

Jinx! jinx!

[Both laugh]

Gee, I wonder why I'm so pessimistic.

Oh, relax. I have total faith in my baby,

but just to be safe,

I'll go post your profile on match.Com.

Mom, that's not going to get me a job.

Yeah, but it could get you a bill-paying husband.

Mona,

I know a surefire way for you to nail this interview.

Now, in law school they taught us

how to take control of any one-on-one situation.

Before an interview even begins,

you need to display total confidence,

and you start by taking control

of... the chair.

Do you every study law in law school?

Well, if you don't want advice from someone

who's aced every interview she's ever been on... all right.

What about the chair?

Ok.

Now, what does this say to you?

It says... wrong!

It says, "I'm a dull, lazy person who'll steal your office supplies."

A little close to home?

No comment.

Now, this... this says, "I'm confident.

"I'm interested,

and you can trust me with your petty cash."

So, what do you think?

I think if all it takes is sitting on your butt,

I'm gonna ace this sucker.

Aw, Johnny, we're gonna miss you around here.

Now, hold still.

What are you doing, man?

Checking for office supplies?

Bye, Marge. Great working with you.

Wow. It's like a morgue in here.

Two more just bit the dust.

Oh! I forgot.

[Clang]

What makes you think your job is safe?

Please. I gave Kai the dish on all of you

and tantalized her with the promise of more.

I'm set for life.

Well, I won't be next.

I am feeling focused, ready, and unstoppable.

I even outmaneuvered a Hummer

for the last space in the parking lot.

Damn. You're like a new woman.

I'm trying a different approach.

Well, it better not be flirting with Kai,

'cause that's my approach.

Mona, the firing squad's reloaded.

I mean, miss Owens will see you now.

Knock 'em dead, girl.

Yeah, good luck, hon,

'cause if you're fired, I'll never see you again.

Oh, don't worry. We'll still be friends.

Like I said, if you're fired, I'll never see you again.

[Knock on door]

Yeah.

Mona.

You are Mona, right?

Yes. Hi.

I was just admiring your decor.

Yeah. I call this style "dumb-ass movers

lost in Kansas somewhere with my stuff."

Sorry about that.

Oh, no problem.

It's not like it's all about a chair.

You look familiar. Have we met before?

Oh, you've probably seen me at an industry party.

Hate 'em. Nothing but phonies and schmoozers.

Which is why I've stopped going.

Well, let me start by telling you about myself.

I got into the business when I was 18

and had my own label by the time I was 26.

That is really impressive.

I know. And you know how I got there?

3 rules:

Listen carefully.

Always do your research.

And remember: The toes you step on today

might be connected to the butt you gotta kiss tomorrow.

I like that.Good.

What was the first rule?

Uh...

Toes connected to something with the...

Glad you were paying attention.

Nice meeting you, Mona.

Wait. We're done?

Don't you want to ask me anything?

Oh, I've heard enough.

[Sighs]

No. I want to leave you with something more about myself

than just my butt print on your desk.

Excuse me? I love my job.

This is all I've ever wanted to do,

and I would do it for free...

Although I prefer the getting paid option.

I'm respected in this business.

I have an ear for talent,

and you will not find anybody who works harder.

Oh, my god. I know. I'm pretty good when I get on a roll.

No. I remember where I saw you.

You cut me off in the parking lot.

Nice Hummer.

You want me to pick out the baby's name?

I told you I'd find something for you to do.

And it's an honor.

It's just that when something comes out of your body after 9 months,

I thought you'd want to have dibs on naming it.

Well, your father's being difficult.

You mean he's not agreeing with you.

The same thing.

He refuses to part with the notion

that the baby should be named after him:

Charles Jr.

Isn't that ridiculous, lil' Dee?

Yes. Who would do something like that?

It's different with you.

"Dee Dee" is adorable.

Your father's name is the one thing about him

I've haven't been able to fix.

Mom, I am really touched.

Thank you for letting me help.

Of course, dear. I'll know you'll make us proud,

but remember, the name you pick

will determine the success, self-esteem,

and popularity of your baby brother,

but try to have fun with it.

Kai.

You lost 563 games of Tetris?

Explain yourself.

Uh, my mouse is sticky, and...

I don't have my job anymore, do I?

I'm afraid not.

Hey, Mona! I'm keeping my job!

Oh... sorry.

Well, Spencer, you're the first to know.

I've lost mine.

Mona... [clang]

Mona, I wasn't finished.

I'm promoting you.

So... i didn't blow the interview?

Oh, you blew the interview.

But I also know what you've accomplished here at delicious.

Signing zora Kane, dealing with that prima Donna Dante.

How do you know so much about me?

Remember rule number 2?

Oh, not this again. I was never good at math.

Always do your research on whoever you're meeting with.

And I was impressed.

Enough to make you new vice president of a&r.

Congratulations, Mona.

Don't screw up.

Thank you!

You did it, girl!

I know!

Is this my life?

See? And you were worried about getting fired.

Now you're... The boss.

I'm not really your boss.

I'm just the person you report to.

Or the person who tells you what to do.

You're the boss.

My boss.

You're a v.P. Now.

Enjoy your new job.

Spencer, vice president is just a title.

It's not gonna change anything around here.

All hail the new chief.

Don't call me that.

Why not? It's who you are.

The top dog, the big kahuna, the boss lady.

A heartbeat away from the presidency.

Hey, we are all cogs in the wheels

of the spokes of the tires of the something like that.

It's not about who's in charge.

All right, leeches. Stop bothering our vice president.

She has work to do.

Here are your messages, miss Thorne.

I alphabetized them for your convenience.

Where are my messages?

Would you like me to remove this underling from your office?

So, what are you in the mood for?

I was thinking Mexican.

Really? I was thinking Italian.

Well, if you say Italian, I guess it's Italian.

Spence, if you want Mexican, we can have Mexican.

No! It's about what you want, Mona.

Just like today, when you wanted

to change zora's release date.

But, hey, if you want August 10th

and you want tortellini,

then who am I to question your authority?

I'll be in the car... If that's ok with you.

Can you believe him?

Yeah. He didn't even ask what I wanted.

Chinese.

This isn't about food. He's been in a foul mood ever since my promotion.

Of course he is.

Haven't you ever seen a star is born?

That drunk didn't leave Barbara

because of that white-girl afro.

Although that had to be a big part of it.

This is supposed to be a happy time.

I can't even celebrate with my best friend?

Honey, get used to it.

Men feel threatened by successful women.

Which is why there's a disproportionate number

of successful, lonely scrapbookers out there.

Which reminds me. I need to get some glitter and a new glue stick.

Hello, people who work for my sister.

If you're looking for Mona,

she's in a big, important executive meeting.

Oh. Well, then maybe you guys can help me.

I've always got time for little sister of the v.P.

Latte? sure.

Spencer, one latte.

I need opinions on names for our little brother.

It needs to be strong, cool,

and something other kids can't make fun of.

Unlike, say, Dee Dee doo doo.

Doo doo.

[Both laugh]

Exactly. So...

What do you think of Daniel?

Danny? He's got a big, fat Fanny.

Ok. How about Scott?

Scott, Scott, covered in snot.

Uh, Arthur?

May I remind you that Artie farty had a party,

no one came, and it broke his heartie?

Thomas.

There's my boy Tommy,

with the small salami.

Richard.

Ok, don't even say it.

I guess it's back to the baby books.

Tell Mona I'll see her tonight.

No matter what you're called,

you're still gonna get stuck with a nickname.

I know. Mine was madam Adam.

But somehow it fit.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah. Why haven't you been tracking the demos

like we talked about?

Ha. You mean the way you talked about?

Ok. So why haven't you been doing it?

Because the old way works better.

Oh, you mean the throw-'em-in-a-bin

and-hope-we-find-'em later method?

If it ain't broke, why fix it?

Funny how that's been your response to all my ideas.

Now, listen. We're gonna use this new system,

and that's all there is to it.

Hey, just 'cause you're the boss doesn't make you right.

Look, you may not like it,

and you can resent that I'm in charge,

but there is a job to be done here, and you need to do it.

I don't need this. Wha...

[knock on door]

Kai, do you have a couple of minutes?

Yeah. Starting... Now.

Thanks. Guess I'll take my usual seat.

So, I'm having a little problem...

Being your friend's boss.

Wow, you're good.

That's really impressive how intuitive you are.

Tick, tick.Right.

So, has this ever happened to you?

Mona, if you wanna be a successful businesswoman,

you gotta make choices.

And sometimes you have to choose work

over your personal life.

You mean I can't have it all?

I've never seen it happen.

Hey, I don't have many close friends,

but I do have 10 platinum albums and a grammy,

which according to the movers I'm about to sue,

are somewhere in Montana.

But don't you miss having friends?

At times. Well, we could go out for coffee.

This isn't one of those times.

Mona, I wouldn't have given you this position

if I didn't believe in you.

You'll figure it out.

Thanks, Kai.

You know, it's good to know

there's someone I can talk to when things...

Your time is up, sister.

Hey. A guy was selling these lobster claws

out the trunk of his impala.

And you know they're good 'cause the brother had 'em

in one of them styrofoam jobs.

You know, Spence, I've been told I'm a pretty observant guy.

And having employed these powers of observation,

I know what's bugging you.

It's that obvious, huh?

Male pattern baldness is hard to miss.

Actually, it's Mona.

Sure it is.

I mean, I helped her get a job at delicious.

Now she thinks, 'cause she's the boss,

she can order me around.

'Cause she can, dog.

Remember back in little league

when you made team captain?

Boy, was I mad.

I know. You couldn't hit a lick after that.

Oh, I could. I just didn't.

Wait. Because of you, we lost in the playoffs.

True, but you weren't captain anymore,

so it really all worked out.

You threw the whole thing just to get back at me?

Kind of like what you're doing to Mona.

Difference is, when I did it, I was 12.

Hey, just 'cause a brother can't keep a job,

that don't mean he ain't deep.

Well, mom, after consulting several Internet sites,

more baby name books than I can count,

and the local playground, I've found it.

The name of your son will be

Tyler Isaac Thorne.

Tyler Isaac Thorne.

I like it.

You do? Yeah.

Oh, I am so relieved.

You can't believe how many names I threw out.

You really like it? Yes.

And it's a shame we can't use it.

Why not? It's perfect!

Tyler, it doesn't rhyme with any bodily functions.

Isaac, like Isaac Hayes.

And Thorne, well, horny thorny,

but there's nothing I can do about that.

Honey, it's a lovely name.

It's the initials that stink.

What? T-i...

Ohh.

And that won't look so good monogrammed on the baby blanket will it?

Damn!

[Knock on door]

Mona, I need to talk to you.

Well, if it's to give me a hard time about doing my job,

you'll have to make an appointment.

Oh, whoops. Booked solid.

It's about tracking demos.

I got a problem.

Gee, why am I surprised?

I tried your way, and it worked great.

Well, that's good, isn't it?

Yeah, but I didn't think of it.

That's why I didn't wanna do it.

I was being a jerk. I'm sorry.

Spencer, this promotion's been tough for both of us.

Yeah, but you were cool when I had seniority.

You deserve the same respect from me.

And you deserved the promotion.

You know, it is possible to work with someone

and still stay friends.

My boss taught me that.

Hmm. I guess Kai's sharper than I thought.

No, I learned it from my first boss.

The guy from the chicken place?

No, Spencer. You!

Oh. Thanks.

So, v.P., you need anything?

Yup. Blow off this afternoon with me and go to a movie.

Mona's rule number one:

A happy employee is a productive employee.

So you're paying? Huh?

Hey, you want me to be happy, right?

That's gonna cost you 8.50 and some goobers.

So, since you're an executive now,

they should hook you up with a big, new office.

Oh, I told 'em not to. Really?

Yeah. I'm all settled in here.

Besides, I'm right next to the ladies room.

There's no view to distract me.

They wouldn't give you one, huh?

Nope. Not even a mug.

Whoo-hoo! [Giggles]

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