Original subtitles

Thank you so much for making sure I got credit

for getting Dante on trl.

I scored major points with the boss.

Hey, you deserve them.

You're the one who flashed the producers to make it happen.

Ohh!

Ahem! Ahem!

Mona, I was supposed to remind about your lunch meeting.

Oh!

Much to my chagrin,

I was supposed to do it 20 minutes ago.

Shoot!

All right. Thanks again, sweetie.

I'll see you later?

Ok.

So-o-o-o...

You hittin' that?

Are you crazy?

You know Mona and I are just friends.

Ha! Drop the friends crap.

Everybody here knows you guys are going to end up together.

And if it happens before Monday,

I win the office pool.

Y'all are betting on my love life?

Only every time your back is turned.

That's ridiculous.

I mean, sure, Mona and I love each other,

but we Don't lovelove each other.

Is that so?

Ever see how your face lights up

when she walks in the room?

Or how you act all stupid just to make her smile?

I have.

It's nauseating.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, i'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪ooh.

[Knock on door]

[Sighs]

You are so lucky

you're only going to be a guest at this wedding.

Look at my bridesmaid's dress!

Wow!

60 years later and glenda the good witch

is still setting fashion trends.

I hope Karen has better taste in men

than she does in dresses.

Myra, the matron of honor, chose these.

She only did it so she'll look better at the wedding

than I will.

Now, why would she do that?

You know how there's always

that one person in high school

who always tries to be better than you?

Actually, I Don't.

I was voted most likely to be the best at everything.

Don't make me smother you with that dress.

Anyway, for normal people,

there's always that one and Myra was mine.

Mona... you might want to put high school behind you

and take the high road.

And let her win? Never!

Trust me.

I never knew anyone that arrogant and conceited.

Hello, kelp blossom.

Dee, I found the perfect 5 dresses

for that wedding Neil is taking you to.

Mother, I Don't need another 5 dresses.

And after these 5, I won't be accepting any more.

Ooh! A new frock. Can I have a peek?

Sure.

Oh, my.

All you need is a plastic pumpkin

and you're set for Halloween.

I'm going to the same wedding as Dee Dee.

I'm friends with the bride. Neil's friends with the groom.

We all know each other from high school.

From the looks of that dress,

i'm guessing you were from rival gangs.

I'm a bridesmaid,

a bridesmaid without a date.

Unless I take my old steady standby, Spencer.

Good idea.

And make sure he stands in front of you for the photos.

I can't wait to see the look

on Myra's chemically-peeled face

when I walk into that wedding with you on my arm.

Ha ha ha!

Aah. Oh!

Spencer, are you ok?

Uh, yeah. You just hit my ticklish spot.

Mona, boss lady wants you.

Dante called Carson daly a cracker on the air.

I love my job.

See you later, boyfriend.

What?!

I think i'm about to take my winnings from the office pool

to send out for a little Mexican.

And I Don't mean the food.

You know, everything was fine

until you brought up this whole chemistry thing.

Now I can't get Mona out of my mind.

Know why?

'cause you're sprung.

Come on. What kind of self-respecting straight guy

spends all his time with a woman he doesn't want to sleep with?

So men and women can't just be friends?

Not you and Mona.

You think it's a coincidence she dates every loser in town?

Those aren't dates. They're cries for help.

You Don't know what you're talking about.

You think I fill my days working?

Ha ha ha ha!

Please! I watch. I see. I know.

You mean to tell me you've never thought of Mona

in a romantic way?

Only when I had that little sex dream about her.

Hmmph!

Forward all calls!

Details, please. The more graphic, the better.

Look, none of this means nothin'.

I bet there isn't even an office pool.

Oh, Dave!

Tell me they didn't do it yet.

My money's on Memorial Day weekend.

[Knock on door] So?

What do you think of my dress for Karen's wedding?

Ma, you look amazing! Wow!

Don't act so damned shocked. I can still turn a few heads.

Of course, most of them are too old to turn back.

Why aren't you dressed?

'cause I refuse to give Myra the power

to make me look ugly in my own house.

You know, I never did like that girl,

but she got herself a husband.

In fact, all your high school girlfriends are married.

Hence my nickname "Mona alone-a."

Well, if you would just open your eyes

and realize that the perfect man

is standing right in front of... ma!

Yes, i'm talking about Spencer.

Spencer and I do not have the kind of relationship

you build a marriage on.

I mean, there's no fireworks.

Oh, baby, fireworks are exciting,

but oh, how quickly they fade.

The same is true in marriage.

You know, when sparks die, and they always do,

sometimes even during the reception,

there has to be something deeper,

and you and Spencer already have that.

I just Don't want to see you miss out on something

that could be so wonderful.

And could give me some pretty grandbabies.

Well, i'm sorry i'm such a disappointment

in the marriage department.

Oh, honey, you're not. I just want you to be happy.

Now grab your ugly dress and let's go to this stupid wedding.

I know they just invited me to get a gift,

but the joke's on them.

I didn't buy one Andi'm leaving with a centerpiece.

Oh!

Don't you look like a younger version of me?

Careful. You Don't want to outshine the bride.

Mother, no one can outshine the bride on her wedding day.

Well, if that were true,

your aunt Vivian wouldn't keep that voodoo doll of me

beside the vodka in her nightstand.

You see, despite my best efforts,

I upstaged her at her own wedding.

I even pulled in more cash during the money dance.

People pay top dollar for the splits.

[Knock on door]

Hey, Neil.

Hello, beautiful.

Well, someone's in a good mood?

Why shouldn't I be?

I got a great girlfriend, a great job,

and I just landed that account i've been chasing for months.

Mmm!

My life plan is right on schedule.

Lucky for you I was first on that list.

I must say, you 2 make such a handsome couple!

We do, Don't we?

It would be such a shame not to capture this moment,

2 people so young, so vibrant...

So upwardly mobile.

You know,

this reminds me of when I was criss-crossing the country

in the national tour of Chicago.

Just take the picture!

Mrs. Thorne! What are you doing here?

I'm a friend of the bride's family.

What are you doing here?

I know the groom.

I hit on him once.

He turned me down,

but he's a wonderful dentist.

Don't say a word about the dress.

Don't worry. There are none.

With my luck, i'll get stuck walking down the aisle

next to the guy with the special shoe.

Oh, god. Here comes Myra. Hold me.

Mona!

Well, you look...

Exactly the way I thought you'd look in that dress.

Thank you.

And to think people back in high school

thought you had no taste.

Guess you showed them.

I Don't think you've met my husband Channing.

Ceo, Ph.D., Hummer SUV.

Is this your husband?

Actually i'm her boyfriend.

So we're still having lots and lots of sex.

- See, I told you some women... - Shut up.

Well, we better get in place for the ceremony.

Be back as soon as I can, baby.

Another tongue-filled platonic kiss between friends.

How sweet.

Man, that's just me doing my beard thing.

If you say so.

Oh, look! We have company.

It just happens when I...

I wouldn't have a plant in front of my pants

if it weren't for you.

Thanks. I get that a lot.

Ok. Look, even if I had

some momentary feeling for Mona,

it's gone now.

So stop hammering me about it.

Look, we're happy with the way things are.

Right. Ok.

But what if you did get together?

What if it was everything you've dreamed of?

What if you're meant to be with Mona?

- Guess i'll never know. - That's right.

'cause you're happy with the way things are.

Enjoy.

[Coronets playing]

♪ Life without love ♪

♪ huh, is oh, so lonely ♪

♪ I Don't think, I Don't think ♪

♪ i'm gonna make it ♪

♪ come on and take it all ♪

♪ come on and take it ♪

♪ because all-l-l-l ♪

♪ all I can do ♪

♪ since you've been gone is cry ♪

♪ and you ♪

♪ you never wondered what I do ♪

♪ Don't you know I sit around ♪

♪ with my head hangin' down ♪

♪ and I wonder ♪

♪ who's ♪

♪ lov... ♪

[R&B ending] ♪ in' you ♪

- That was incredible! - Thank you.

You now, I think my record company

might be interested in you.

3-album deal?

Uh... i Don't think I can do that.

Well, my mama says I shouldn't talk to strangers

with bad offers.

Crostini, my behind.

I Don't care if there is an olive on it.

This ain't nothin' but cheese whiz on a wheat thin.

[Glass clinking]

Well, my wife says I should make a toast

before I get too drunk.

Ha ha ha.

That way all of you will still be speaking to him tomorrow.

[Laughter]

I give it 6 months.

Karen and I were best friends for a long time,

but we finally realized that

we were meant to be more than that.

Ahem!

Well, I guess the lesson is

if you're lucky enough to find the right person,

Don't let them get away.

I know I won't.

For years, people told us we were in love with each other,

but we couldn't admit it.

I guess we were just too scared to risk our friendship.

Unfortunately it took a string of messed-up relationships,

and some of you are here today and you know who you are...

For us to finally see the truth.

So here is to the love of my life.

She was in front of me the whole time.

Adam: Here, here!

So how's the charade going?

I'm having such a great time pretending to have a great time

that i'm actually having a great time.

How about you?

Yeah. You know,

weddings always make me feel so good about being in love.

Yet very disappointed in the state of catering.

You know, Mona,

i've been talking to several of the guests,

and they've never heard you mention a boyfriend.

Well, um...

In fact, word around the carving station

is that you and your hot sex guy are just buddies...

Mona alone-a.

You're way off base, sister.

I work with these lovebirds,

and their relationship's the talk of the office.

Even Mona doesn't know how much Spencer loves her.

Hmm.

Oh! Well, I guess I was wrong.

Not just about that,

judging from your hairstyle, nail color and blush.

Thanks for making me and Spencer sound so hot.

Even I almost believed it.

Yeah, nice job, Adam.

I'm always willing to square off with a bitchy female.

It makes me feel alive.

[Silverware clinking against glasses]

[Applause]

I love the pageantry of weddings,

the grandeur,

the gifts you can exchange for better gifts.

Yeah, I like that, too.

Although, I think our wedding should be more intimate.

Our wedding?

Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you?

Not really, I mean, it's only 2 years away.

2 years? Ok! No more champagne for you.

Well, I think the timeline's right.

So you've got it all planned out?

Pretty much.

Anything this important requires forethought.

Well, I would think anything this important

would require me.

In a way, it does.

In a way?

Neil, this has got to be the unromantic moment of my life.

Uh, maybe we should give them some privacy.

Mm-mmm, no way, this is just gettin' good.

Well, tell me how it ends,

'cause i'm not an item on anyone's to do list.

Trust me, buddy.

You just dodged the biggest bullet of your life.

Having a good time?

I had more fun coming out to my parents.

Talk about your crappy tenth birthday party.

Look, i've been thinking about what you said

and you were right.

I realize i've had this thing for Mona since college.

Now I need to find out if she feels the same way.

Tell me i'm not making a mistake.

You're not.

Now go.

As long as you're standing here,

nobody's going to ask me to dance.

Hey.

If you're here to humiliate me again,

can it wait until I gather a good-sized crowd?

Neil, i'm sorry.

But you put me on the spot.

Why did you do that?

That wasn't my intention.

It's just that planning's what's always worked for me,

and so far, everything's been right on track...

My career, my personal life.

Your ratio of muscle to body fat.

Exactly.

I'm ready to move on to the next phase.

I thought you were, too.

But, Neil, we never even talked about marriage.

Well, let's talk.

Ok.

I'm just finishing my first year of law school,

and as wonderful as you are,

i'm still working on me.

Marriage is a decision that I only want to make once.

I mean, maybe after a little more life experience,

I could be a good wife,

but that's a long way off.

I guess we're in really different places.

I guess we are.

So what now?

I Don't know.

I Don't want to hold you back.

Maybe we need to take some time apart.

Are you breaking up with me?

I think I am.

I hate weddings.

Spencer!

Mona was telling me how the 2 of you met

snorkeling in Costa Rica.

Oh, yes. It was very... Wet.

Where did you and Channing meet?

Oh, that's a long story.

No, it's not.

We met at home depot.

She helped me pick out a toilet seat.

What a wonderful story.

Oh, well, it doesn't compare to you and Spencer

making love in the rain forest.

Oh, my man is so romantic.

Ohh!

Myra doesn't like to kiss like that.

I have sensitive teeth.

We discussed this in counseling.

I'm going to get a drink.

I Don't care what that shrink said.

Have you 2 been in therapy long?

Look, Mona, i'm ashamed to say that

everything i've told you about my perfect life

is a big lie.

I guess i've just been holding onto

our stupid high school rivalry.

Really? I Don't remember us being rivals.

Oh, come on.

Flag girls, class elections,

slap fight on the ferry to Alcatraz.

Oh, yeah. It's coming back to me.

Well, the truth is it's nice to see you in love.

I'm really happy for you.

Thanks, Myra.

Yeah. Take care, Mona.

Did you hear that?

I won! I won!

Mona, there's something I got to tell you.

No, Spencer. I know exactly what you're gonna say,

and, you know, I can't thank you enough

for helping me with Myra, but...

I'm feeling a little guilty.

I mean, you must've felt uncomfortable

with all the hugging and kissing stuff.

Actually... no, no.

It was icky for me, too.

I mean, it's one thing for you to be my date

for a party or a concert,

but what I asked you to do today went too far.

And I know I Don't tell you this much,

but nothing is more important than our friendship,

and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.

Right.

Well, i'm glad we cleared the air.

Ha ha ha.

Oh, you're the best!

♪ Spending my day ♪

♪ thinking 'bout you, girl ♪

This is so humiliating,

fighting over a bunch of flowers.

Yeah, like it means you're going to find someone.

Look at all these desperate vultures

angling for position.

Weddings always bring out the worst in people.

Ok, ladies, here it comes.

Out of my way! That sucker is mine!

Whoo-hoo! [Giggling]

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