Original subtitles

To my little sister,

who successfully made it through

her first year of law school.

Of course there were

a few casualties along the way:

The split ends, the canceled brow appointments.

The mysterious patch

of dry skin on her forearm.

But she charged ahead in spite of it all.

Here's to beauty under pressure.

To beauty.

So, Dee Dee, what are you going to do

now that your first year is over?

Well, my summer clerkship

doesn't start for a few weeks,

so i'm throwing a little party tomorrow night

to celebrate.

Of course you're invited and tell Spencer, too.

Well, we'll try to make it,

but we've been working crazy overtime

trying to make a deal with this hot singer, patina.

Maverick wants her so bad,

they flew her to Paris,

but since all we can afford is a town car to Oakland,

we're just gonna kiss her ass

till she signs with us.

Hello, girls. Sorry i'm late.

We were just toasting Dee Dee.

We've polished off the cristal,

but Mona was kind enough to bring a fruity assortment

of sparkling wine coolers.

Ah. With a twist-off cap.

How handy.

I guess i'll go next.

To my baby girl...

[cell phone rings]

[Ring ring]

I'm sorry.

[Ring ring]

Hello.

Hey, Earl, hold on a sec.

Listen, it's a conference call

with the mayor and the planning commission.

I didn't think it would be

for another half an hour.

It's ok, dad. Take your call.

I'm sorry.

I really am proud. I love you.

Not you, Earl!

Well, since your father dropped the ball...

I think what he was about to say was,

here's to a beautiful, dynamic, intelligent woman

whose accomplishments have made this day possible.

To me.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, i'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

I told you the party would still be jumpin'.

Come on, Mona.

But we just went to 7 clubs with patina.

My feet hurt, my ears hurt.

I got nothin' left.

Well, i'm young and sexy.

I still got a little "umph" left in me.

Good for you. I'm goin' to bed.

Could you ask Dee Dee to keep it down a little?

Oh, good. Looks like this party's

about to be finito, benito.

I'm looking for apartment 4a.

I bet you are. Right up there on the left.

Thank you.

You know, the city's gettin' mighty loose

with the dress code.

What kind of cop is he?

The kind who carries redi-whip in a holster.

I'm here to frisk a naughty first year.

[Knock on door]

[Knock knock knock]

[Knock knock knock]

Delilah, what the hell are you doing here?

That's no way to greet someone.

It is at 5:00 in the morning.

Well, you can't make frozen daiquiris without ice.

You got any?

Ice? It's 5:00 in the friggin' morning.

Is that a no?

Ohh.

Oh, hey, Mona, where have you been?

The party's still bangin'.

Well, Dee Dee, just 'cause school's out for you

doesn't mean life's over for other people.

I'm sorry, Mona,

but anyone who has a life is at my party,

but I promise things'll be winding down

after the male entertainment is done.

Oh, officer sweet cheeks hasn't left yet?

No. We're taking turns playing with his...

You know, I really Don't want the details.

He was having so much fun, he called his friends.

We've got a cowboy, a fireman,

and I got to unmask Zorro with my teeth.

Ooh, back in detail land.

Good night, good morning, whatever.

[Knock on door]

I never really got an answer on that ice.

Ok, baby, comfort is on the way.

Fresh out of the microwave.

Now, I want you to relax

and think soothing, calm thoughts.

I can't believe Dee Dee kept you up all night!

You know what that is?! I'll tell you what that is!

That is just inconsiderate and selfish.

That's what that is!

Ma, what happened to the calm, soothing thoughts?

Oh, i'm sorry.

I just know how hard you've been working.

I just need a nap before I go see patina perform tonight.

Hey, want to try a little positive visualization?

Ooh, yes and Don't forget to do the voice.

Ok! Ok! Now...

Breathe deep...

And imagine yourself surrounded by crystal blue waters

on a quiet beach

with a muscular spritz boy misting your sun-kissed skin.

Ohh, I can see the white sand.

I can feel the cool breeze.

I can hear the... [Drilling]

Damn! I was just about to give the spritz boy my room key!

[Drilling]

[Door opens]

Oh, hey, Mona, hey, Phyllis.

Where was all that noise coming from?

I'm having a new jacuzzi installed.

And whose fool idea was that?

Big Dee Dee: Ok, to the left a little.

Careful of the walls now!

Keep coming, keep it coming.

I Don't want to see anything that has to be repaired

with a bucket of spackle and a putty knife.

Too late. Phyllis is here.

Come to see what pricey porcelain looks like?

I've already seen your teeth.

We came here to see what all the racket is about.

And Dee Dee, you put in a new jacuzzi when you moved in.

True, but mom is giving me the updated model:

The ecsta-spa 4000.

A little gift for doing so well my first year.

She has to bathe, doesn't she?

And now, i'll be bathing with 8 superjets

located near focal muscle groups. Yay for me!

But why do you have to do this now?

Well, I thought i'd get it done

while the other people in the building were at work.

What are you doing home?

Trying to take back a few hours of sleep

that you stole from me last night.

In Dee Dee's defense, sugar cube,

she couldn't have known

that you were gonna play hooky from work today.

Well, in Mona's defense, horse foot...

Dee Dee could have at least given her sister

a heads-up about all this construction.

Ok, look, there's really no need to fuss.

It'll only take a few hours to install,

and it won't be that loud.

[Drilling]

[Shouting] See?!

[Jacuzzi humming]

[Knock on door]

Hey, Mona.

I got the stuff we needed.

What's that humming sound?

Oh. Do you need some alone time?

No, you idiot.

That's Dee Dee's jacuzzi.

Yet another way she's keeping me

from getting any sleep.

Well, you can't go out with those raccoon eyes.

Why Don't you sleep

while I start looking through these contracts?

Here.

Maybe these earplugs will help.

Why do you have earplugs with you?

You know those awful bands we listen to before patina goes on?

I Don't.

What the hell?

Oh, my god! There's water dripping from my ceiling.

That's more than a drip.

Maybe there's a leak in the roof.

No, no, the roof isn't above me. It's...

Dee Dee and her damn tub!

You actually think she's in the tub,

'cause, you know, the two of us can jump in with her

and work this out.

Or I could just stay here and look for a bucket.

[Pounding on door]

This had better be good.

I was taking a bath

and I was just about to power up the wave machine.

Well, kiss your waves bye-bye

because they're leaking into my apartment.

Mona, i'm sure that the water isn't coming from my jacuzzi.

It was just installed,

but you might want to talk to someone about that leak.

I am.

Wow. You seem tense.

Maybe you need a nice long soak

in the ecsta-spa 4000.

I'll be done in an hour.

I can't believe that water is leaking

into my apartment and you Don't even care.

I guess some things never change.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means I thought you'd grown up,

but you're just as self-centered as ever.

Excuse me?!

Dee Dee, I have been very patient with you,

but I am tired of paying the price

every time my baby sister, emphasis on baby,

decides to throw some wild party

or get some super-sized, water guzzling tub!

Fra ha ha ha.

First of all, it's a spa, not a tub...

And second of all,

I am sick of your bitching.

I have done nothing for the past year

but try to get close to you,

and all you do is find fault

with everything I do.

Why do I even put up with you?

Put up with me?!

But for the fact that god made us sisters,

I wouldn't even be your friend.

Well, I wouldn't be your friend, either.

Well, I said it first!

Well, I meant it more!

Mona, water is shooting from everywhere.

Ya might want to get downstairs

before your TV starts floating down the hallway.

I'm gonna need that towel.

If I weren't naked,

i'd sock you in your big head!

What are you looking at, Mr. Kim?!

Hello, hello!

Oh, my. Is that mildew I smell

or Phyllis' wet hair?

If you Don't want me to use that cheap wig as a mop,

I suggest you shut your trap.

Eww, did something die in here?

Not yet.

Dee Dee can't be held responsible

for a simple plumbing mishap, right, Charles?

Well, actually... i think she can.

If she'd been happy with her old tub,

I wouldn't be using my rug as a slip 'n slide.

Well, Mona blames me for everything bad in her life.

Look, girls... why'd you have to let her

move in this building?!

Whose side are you gonna take in this?

Why Don't you ever ask what Mona wants?

It's always about Dee Dee, Dee Dee, Dee Dee.

[All yelling at once]

Hey! I'd like a little peace and quiet, dammit!

Come again?

Dee, you had no business doing construction

I knew nothing about.

It was obviously done poorly,

and disruptive to all my tenants.

That's right. Done poorly and disruptive, so there.

You all should be ashamed for acting so petty.

You're grown women.

That said, the jacuzzi's being removed tomorrow,

and I Don't want to hear another word about it.

You won't hear anything from me.

One day you're gonna have to learn

to treat each other with a little bit more respect.

Like it or not, we're family.

Well, I Don't like it.

Well, I like it less.

[Knock on door]

Well...

If it isn't my towel-snatching, tub-blocking sister.

Since it didn't work out with your spa,

I thought I would loan you my econo-version.

Now, it works better if you kick your legs,

and move your hips in a circle really fast.

If you're here to gloat, just get out,

and take that over-sized pocket rocket with you.

Of course i'm here to gloat.

You always get what you want,

but every 10 years or so,

the gods of sisterhood smile on me.

Can you feel 'em smiling?

I do not always get what I want.

Yes, you do.

Do you remember that swing set?

The one you wouldn't let anyone else play on?

And by "anyone" I mean me.

Come on, Dee Dee.

When is it gonna be my turn?

Never.

Now, Dee Dee, let's share.

Get off the swing so your sister can have a turn.

[Shrieking] Daddy! No! No! No!

Ok, never mind.

I'm sorry, Mona.

You're the older sister.

You're gonna have to be more mature about this.

If Dee Dee wants to swing, let her swing.

Now, push me.

Oh, i'll push you.

That was the first time I saw a swing

go all the way around.

Thank god those were my baby teeth.

Well, you deserved it.

You were a brat then, and you're a brat now,

but this time dad agrees with me.

I doubt if even one of your tantrums could change that.

I Don't have to throw a tantrum,

but this isn't over by a long shot.

[Ring]

Hello. Hey, mom.

Oh, my god! What hospital?!

Girl, what's wrong?

Daddy collapsed with chest pains.

What?!

When are they gonna tell us something?

When are they gonna let me see him?

Why didn't I bring the quart size?

Ok, here's what I found out from Dr. Evans.

Your dad's having an angiogram,

he makes mid-6 figures,

and he drives a bimmer... 7 series.

My dad?! No, silly. Dr. Evans.

You're not the only one looking for information.

I didn't know you worked here, Delilah.

Actually, i'm volunteering.

Paying off a little community service debt.

Community service? What'd you do?

I was accused of improper acquisition of materials.

You got busted shoplifting?!

My way sounds better.

This is all my fault.

If I hadn't stressed daddy out with all my drama,

this might not have happened.

As much as i'd love to blame you,

i'm the one who called him up at midnight

to yell at him for having a second child.

Actually, it was 2 A.M. I answered the phone.

Don't blame yourselves.

I haven't been very happy with Charles lately,

and I took every opportunity to tell him so.

I should have just let him call me Chester.

I guess we all played a part.

Not me.

Ma, the last thing you called him was a troll in tweed.

It was a term of endearment.

Everyone is talking like he is not going to make it.

He'll pull through this just fine.

Right?

Hey, he got through 23 years with you.

I guess he can survive anything.

Doctor said your father had a heart attack.

We won't know how serious it is

until we get the test results,

so you girls can go see him,

but remember he's still sedated.

I wish I were.

Wow, he looks so...

Still.

Daddy, can you hear me?!

I think the whole floor heard you.

Let's just... Let him rest.

It's just so hard to see him like this.

I didn't think he'd look so helpless.

He's always so full of energy.

Always bouncing around with a cell phone on his ear.

Or embarrassing us with some homemade disco move.

And then things change...

Just like that.

Yeah. Just like that.

Kinda makes you put things into perspective.

I know. Mona,

i'm sorry for how i've been acting.

It's just that sometimes I can get

a little wrapped up in myself.

I'm sorry I said that thing about not wanting you

to be my sister or my friend.

I'm really glad you're both.

Me, too.

[Alarm beeping]

Oh! Something's wrong!

Oh, my god! Oh, my...

Mona! What?!

You're standing on his I.V. Drip with your big boots.

[Alarm stops]

[Nervous laugh]

If you Don't tell him, I won't.

Charles looked terrible.

The poor man's hair was a woolly mess.

Luckily I had some vaseline

and coco's grooming brush in my bag.

Want some coffee?

Thank you, Phyllis.

Make mine with a half a packet of equal

and a splash of hazelnut cream.

One black coffee. Take it or leave it.

[Sighs]

[Heavier sigh]

Oh, all right. What's on your mind?

Well, if you insist on prying.

My relationship with Charles has been a real mess lately.

I have packed and unpacked my bags

more times than I can count.

But a voice inside me always says, "stay...

Just one more day."

Hmm.

My voice said, "run, girl!

And Don't forget that cash in the mattress!"

Right.

Today has made me realize why I stayed.

I love that man.

And the thought of losing him is more than I can stand.

If he pulls through this...

Whenhe pulls through this.

I'm gonna do a better job of taking care of him.

And he needs you.

I have tried to get him to slow down.

Charles is just so stubborn.

Seems the coffee is affecting my sinuses.

Yeah...

They do make it pretty strong.

Whoa.

Lookie here.

You two aren't drunk again, are you?

No.

Phyllis was just offering encouragement.

I knew she listened to people for a living,

but I didn't think she was actually good at it.

Hope you feel that way when you get my bill.

Maybe this dark cloud has a silver lining.

I mean, look at us... Getting along.

No talk of cheap clothes or bad hair or big feet.

Daddy would be so proud.

It's true.

Hey, gang.

I have great news.

The angioplasty we did on Mr. Throne was successful.

Oh, thank god.

The arterial blockage was minor,

so i'm going to refer you to a specialist for follow-up.

So with proper diet and rest,

he should recover fully.

Thank you, Dr. Evans.

That's the best news we've heard all day.

But I have even better news.

We found the missing forceps.

Was that supposed to be amusing?!

I just thought you would appreciate a little humor.

I mean, after all,

laughter is the best medicine.

Did they teach you that in medical school in The Bahamas?

Ok, another misdiagnosis.

By the way, Mr. Thorne's awake now,

and he requests to see his favorite girl.

That's me! That's me! Dee: That's me!

Hey, are you coming, ma?

Oh, honey, please.

The sight of your father in a loose, thin hospital gown

is one I can do without.

Go ahead.

It sure is nice to have my whole family here.

And you, too, Chester.

Thanks, Mr. Thorne.

You gave us all quite a scare, sweetheart.

From now on our job is to keep the stress

out of your life.

Mona and I brought you a fruit basket.

And we brought your favorite robe.

Time for your sponge bath, Mr. Thorne.

And that's from me.

I'm a little dirty.

Whoo-hoo! [Giggling]

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