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1
00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:03,828
[Knocking]
2
00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:06,266
Ok, people, I need
some gift ideas
3
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:07,184
for mother's day,
4
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:08,268
and I need 'em now.
5
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:09,706
You need gift ideas?
6
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:11,232
Do you know how
hard it is to shop
7
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,505
for a woman who
has her own parking
8
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,884
space at neiman's?
9
00:00:14,971 --> 00:00:15,751
Spencer, what are you
10
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,281
getting your mom?
11
00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:18,145
The same thing i've
gotten her every year
12
00:00:18,235 --> 00:00:19,055
since I was a kid:
13
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,319
A big box of chocolates.
14
00:00:20,411 --> 00:00:21,671
Hey, nothing says,
15
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,040
"thanks for popping
me out of the chute,"
16
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:26,106
like 5 pounds of sugar and fat.
17
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,120
You get her the
same thing every year?
18
00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,592
That is so cute.
19
00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:31,471
I get my mom the same
thing every year, too:
20
00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:33,733
48 hours of my time.
21
00:00:33,816 --> 00:00:36,166
That's just cheap.
22
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:38,263
No, see, my mom
thinks that mother's day
23
00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:39,652
should be celebrated for as long
24
00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:41,125
as she was in labor.
25
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,165
So, we hang out
here all weekend.
26
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:46,090
Give each other facials,
watch a law & ordermarathon.
27
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:49,136
My mama love her some
s. Epatha merkerson.
28
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:50,963
Oh, that does sound like fun.
29
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,121
I wish we did things like that,
30
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:53,139
but my mom's not exactly
31
00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:54,657
the hang-out type.
32
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:55,810
Well, maybe you
should try your own
33
00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:57,358
mother-daughter weekend.
34
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:58,898
But remember, just
because she gave birth to you
35
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:01,928
doesn't mean you
have to clip her toenails.
36
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:09,199
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪
37
00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:14,026
♪ you're finding
you, i'm finding me ♪
38
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:17,247
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪
39
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:19,338
♪ who brings out the joy ♪
40
00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:20,427
♪ brings out the joy ♪
41
00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:23,605
♪ inside of me ♪
42
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:26,092
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪
43
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,353
♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪
44
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:31,736
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪
45
00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:34,220
♪ you and me ♪
46
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:38,321
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪ooh.
47
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:44,535
Hey, mom, I want to talk to you
48
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:46,016
about mother's day.
49
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,406
Oh, goody. Is my gift
bigger than a bread box?
50
00:01:48,499 --> 00:01:49,719
Or bigger than the teardrop
51
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:51,235
diamond pendant
52
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,808
in this month's Tiffany
catalog, page 12?
53
00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:56,246
Actually, I was thinking
this year we could skip
54
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,603
the gift and spend the
weekend here together.
55
00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:00,213
Just us girls.
56
00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:01,564
We could play scrabble,
57
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:02,733
do each other's hair,
58
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:03,598
you could even leave yours here
59
00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:04,728
the night before
60
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,690
so I can get a head start.
61
00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:07,558
If you're that determined
62
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,219
to be bored stiff,
63
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,093
why Don't we invite
your great aunt Helen
64
00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:11,443
to join us?
65
00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:12,932
She has so many
uplifting tales to tell
66
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:14,408
about how she was
the first black meter maid
67
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:17,138
in Carson city, Nevada.
68
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,794
Well, Don't you want to
spend quality time together,
69
00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,618
like Mona and Phyllis?
70
00:02:21,706 --> 00:02:24,096
Dear, their idea of quality is
watching Hollywood squares
71
00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:25,797
in 100% cotton underwear
72
00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:29,064
and fighting over
a can of pringles.
73
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,449
Well, we Don't have to do that.
74
00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:32,021
I just think it
would be really nice
75
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:34,148
to explore our relationship.
76
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:36,461
Tell you what, leave
the weekend to me,
77
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,897
and we'll do everything
Mona and that woman do.
78
00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:43,604
Minus the saturated
fat and drawstring pants.
79
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:44,855
Good-bye, mother.
80
00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:47,687
Bye, baby.
81
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,080
Phyllis, what is
that monstrosity?
82
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,432
And I Don't mean that riot
83
00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:57,001
of polyester and
lint you call an outfit.
84
00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:58,349
It's a cuckoo clock.
85
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,749
I got it for Mona
at a garage sale.
86
00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:03,312
In other words, junk.
87
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:08,140
You found a home.
Why shouldn't it?
88
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:10,061
So, basically, trash is the best
89
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:13,186
you can do for your daughter?
90
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,370
I just gave Dee Dee
91
00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:15,495
a state-of-the-art pager,
92
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:17,196
slash digital camera,
93
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:19,184
slash doesn't this make
your gift look pathetic,
94
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,719
slash why do you
even bother getting up
95
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:23,069
in the morning, question Mark.
96
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:32,210
Somebody's been
in the pringles.
97
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:34,559
I just took out the broken ones.
98
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,299
Don't lie to me with
mesquite barbecue
99
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,310
on your breath.
100
00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:40,482
[Knocking]
101
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:41,698
Hey. Hey.
102
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,046
I need to borrow your suitcase.
103
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:44,365
I'm flying to New York tonight,
104
00:03:44,398 --> 00:03:45,508
and I really Don't want to pack
105
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:47,749
my drawers in a grocery bag.
106
00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:48,986
What happened to the suitcase
107
00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:50,191
I gave you for Christmas?
108
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,273
It wasn't really me.
109
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:52,451
But the DVD player
110
00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:55,056
I exchanged it for was.
111
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:56,817
So, what are you going
to New York for, baby?
112
00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:58,145
You guys inspired me.
113
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,108
So i'm surprising
my mom by delivering
114
00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:00,625
her chocolates in person.
115
00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:01,848
That way, her treat will be
116
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,237
twice as sweet.
117
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,900
Spencer Williams,
you are the most
118
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:06,773
thoughtful young man.
119
00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:08,115
Why you and Mona
120
00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:08,994
can't get it together,
I will never...
121
00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,424
Ma, heel!
122
00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:12,111
All right. Here you
go. Have a nice trip.
123
00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:14,014
Now go before she starts
talking about how pretty
124
00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:15,686
our babies will be.
125
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:17,947
I'll work on her.
126
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,650
Hey, Dee dees.Hello.
127
00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:22,127
Ooh, twin-pop. We
have a favor to ask you.
128
00:04:22,218 --> 00:04:23,668
Sorry, we Don't
have any virgin blood.
129
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:27,658
You'll just have to
age like the rest of us.
130
00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:28,975
Mona, would you
mind keeping an eye
131
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:30,307
on my apartment?
132
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,180
Mom and I are going out of town
133
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,531
for the weekend.
134
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:33,860
Yes, we're off to
spa De soleil for
135
00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:35,082
a mother-daughter
bonding session
136
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,800
and deep-tissue massages.
137
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,245
For those of you
who've forgotten,
138
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:42,408
that's when someone
touches your body.
139
00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:43,999
How would you like a
deep-tissue massage
140
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:47,332
with the heel of my shoe?
141
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:48,897
Here's where we're staying.
142
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:50,094
And if you start saving now,
143
00:04:50,115 --> 00:04:51,375
maybe you can go one day.
144
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:53,945
Really, I mean one day.
145
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:55,562
Mother.
146
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:56,563
See you Monday.
147
00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:57,864
Bye.
148
00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,339
Did you see that?
149
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:00,299
That woman trying to
rub her ritzy vacation
150
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:01,907
in my face.
151
00:05:01,997 --> 00:05:03,147
You know, it doesn't
matter how much you pay,
152
00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:06,392
you can not loofah off fugly.
153
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,530
Wow, they have 2
people massage you
154
00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:09,792
at the same time.
155
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,834
3 if you're really tense.
156
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,450
Wow, I bet that feels good.
157
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:18,142
But i'd rather spend
the weekend here.
158
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,750
With you. Not there.
159
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:22,931
With strange people
touching me. Ew.
160
00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:26,278
So, i'll just go heat
up the hot comb.
161
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,459
What a waste of money.
162
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:29,755
If I wanted a seaweed wrap,
163
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:30,981
i'd just go to the beach
164
00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:33,199
and roll around
naked in the sand.
165
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,726
I love the smell
of apricot lotion
166
00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:40,556
in the early evening.
167
00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:42,994
Smells like... Money.
168
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:48,609
[Loud music playing]
169
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,736
Somebody's
getting their party on.
170
00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:52,478
They need to
turn their party off.
171
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:55,699
[People whooping]
172
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:57,360
Yoo-hoo, neighbor...
173
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,274
Could you keep it down a bit?
174
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:03,229
[People whooping]
175
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:05,759
Hello? Silence is golden.
176
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:09,933
Especially at $500 a night.
177
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,111
[People whooping]
178
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:12,456
Hey, you! Where the hell
179
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:15,196
do you think you are? Sears?
180
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:18,417
What kind of hood rat are you?
181
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:23,168
Oh.
182
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:24,472
Hello.
183
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:28,818
How you like me now?
184
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:30,260
That was really them?
185
00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:31,666
There's not enough
wine in sonoma
186
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,865
to get me through this weekend.
187
00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:39,402
What are you doing here?
188
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,046
Somebody dropped off a brochure,
189
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,229
and it looked like fun.
190
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,594
Besides, my visa can buy as much
191
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:46,840
pampering crap as yours.
192
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,858
I can't believe they put
us right next to each other.
193
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,116
Yeah, we can leave the door open
194
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:51,318
and make it one big suite.
195
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,481
Dee Dee, can I talk to you?
196
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:53,799
Hey, we can raid your mini-bar.
197
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:54,981
Mona, a word, please.
198
00:06:55,066 --> 00:07:00,326
[Bickering]
199
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:04,124
See you later. Yeah, good night.
200
00:07:08,384 --> 00:07:10,084
Oh...
201
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:12,128
I feel just like Oprah.
202
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:13,524
All I need is a billion dollars
203
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:16,607
and Maya angelou's blessing.
204
00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:18,017
Dee Dee, why aren't
you and your mom
205
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:19,606
doing any treatments together?
206
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,750
She really likes
her private sessions.
207
00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:23,272
And the oxygen
tanks are only made
208
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:24,435
for one person.
209
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,011
I guess we could
both squeeze in,
210
00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:27,537
but this weekend's
about celebrating
211
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:28,931
my leaving the womb,
212
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:30,153
not trying to jam myself
213
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:32,712
back up in there.
214
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,320
Well, pull up a spa
jockey and relax.
215
00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:37,021
You won't regret it.
216
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:40,498
I never knew my toes
could make me so happy.
217
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,160
Ooh, except for
that one night with
218
00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:43,644
Malcolm Hastings.
219
00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:47,084
That man gave me
multiple foot-gasms.
220
00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:49,162
Oh, yeah. He's the
toe-sucker you used to call
221
00:07:49,251 --> 00:07:51,731
"Malcolm sex."
222
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,039
Saxophone player, right?
223
00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:55,214
Mm-hmm. And he could kiss.
224
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,040
You know, playing
saxophone must be like
225
00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,038
doing push-ups with your lips
226
00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:02,479
or something. Just...
227
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,219
I just love your relationship.
228
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,790
The last time my mother
and I talked about sex,
229
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:11,058
I asked her what a period was.
230
00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:13,492
Well, you can talk
to me about anything.
231
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,060
I couldn't do that. You're
somebody's mother.
232
00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:19,187
Oh, please, we
are all women here.
233
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:23,937
Well...
234
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:27,115
Neil and I are having
a little problem.
235
00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:29,552
And? Oh, come on.
236
00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:32,079
If I can handle Mona's
Simon Cowell fantasy,
237
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:35,083
I can handle anything. Hit me.
238
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:37,996
We only have sex
when I initiate it.
239
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:40,432
I mean, it's still 5
or 6 times a week,
240
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,870
but sometimes a
girl likes to be asked.
241
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,258
Well, that is a simple case
242
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,000
of supply and demand.
243
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:48,141
I Don't get it.
244
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:51,103
You are supplying too much.
245
00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:53,012
Cut the supply, trust me...
246
00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:55,057
The demand will follow.
247
00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:56,253
Ma, how come you never gave me
248
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:57,754
that advice?
249
00:08:57,841 --> 00:09:00,371
You need a steady man first.
250
00:09:00,452 --> 00:09:02,092
Otherwise it's like
giving a broke person
251
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:05,720
tips on the stock market.
252
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,156
Thanks for letting me hang out.
253
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,072
That pedicure was awesome.
254
00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:12,637
I know. I think my
feet need a cigarette.
255
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:15,686
See you. Bye.
256
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,381
Dee Dee,
257
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,691
mother's got 5 words
of wisdom for you:
258
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:25,168
Always pick the German masseuse.
259
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,610
They hate Americans,
260
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:29,306
and they take it
out on your calves.
261
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:31,354
Well, i'm glad you
and your calves
262
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,140
had a good time.
263
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:34,574
Something wrong, sugar plum?
264
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,031
We haven't done a
single thing together
265
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:37,583
since we checked in.
266
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,754
Fine. What do you want to do?
267
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,620
How about a little girl talk?
268
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:44,711
Ok. That'll be nice.
269
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:48,021
So, girl, talk.
270
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,549
Ok. Well...
271
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:53,813
Um, Neil, you remember him,
272
00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:55,727
well...
273
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:57,902
He never initiates sex.
274
00:09:57,988 --> 00:09:59,178
You know, they have
the most delicious
275
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:01,077
lobster bisque at this spa.
276
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:02,485
They use baby
lobsters so there's
277
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:05,874
not a trace of fat.
278
00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:07,743
I'm trying to have
a conversation here.
279
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,394
No, you're trying to shock me.
280
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,308
Because I want
to talk about sex?
281
00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:13,573
Does my talking
about sex bother you?
282
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:14,846
You realize i'm
gonna keep saying
283
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,655
the word "sex"
until you answer me.
284
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:19,006
So, i... sex... won't... sex...
285
00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:21,136
Stop talking about sex sex sex.
286
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,009
What has gotten into you?
287
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:27,190
It's that bohemian
half-sister of yours again.
288
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:29,108
Actually, i've been
talking to Phyllis,
289
00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:30,983
and she gave me
some great advice.
290
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,625
Phyllis?! I am the
mother who could pass
291
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,109
for your older sister
292
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:35,588
you're supposed
to ask for advice.
293
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:36,508
But you never want
to talk about what
294
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:38,252
I want to talk about.
295
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:41,953
I wish you were
more like Phyllis.
296
00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:43,102
There's never a tape recorder
297
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:46,210
when you need one.
298
00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:48,867
I better go do my
big sister thing.
299
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,652
You. How dare you
stick you big snout
300
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,087
where it's not welcome?
301
00:10:52,173 --> 00:10:53,283
And who the hell
unlocked that door?
302
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:54,784
What are you talking about?
303
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:56,791
I will not allow you
to steal my daughter.
304
00:10:56,873 --> 00:10:58,883
I mean, who are you to
give my Dee Dee advice?
305
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,512
Oh, please, the only
reason you and Dee Dee
306
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,839
are having problems
307
00:11:01,922 --> 00:11:03,202
is because you
Don't listen to her.
308
00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,447
How would you know?
309
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,673
Because your
daughter talks to me.
310
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,213
You know, you need
to do less shopping
311
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:09,582
and more communicating.
312
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,259
I mean, giving gifts
is not the same thing
313
00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:12,849
as giving love.
314
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,393
Well, giving advice that
no one wants is the same
315
00:11:14,412 --> 00:11:18,422
as giving nothing.
316
00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:19,923
It's just that seeing
your relationship
317
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,420
with your mother up close
318
00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:22,826
made me realize that
there's something missing
319
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:24,066
from mine.
320
00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:26,081
Dee Dee, every mother is flawed.
321
00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:27,533
I mean, Phyllis, the
woman who looks
322
00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:28,726
so perfect to you now?
323
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,468
She logs on to
singles chat rooms
324
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:31,949
pretending to be me.
325
00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:34,429
You want that?
326
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:37,129
I want my mom to
be more like a friend.
327
00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:39,828
Well, it's taken years
for me and my mom to get
328
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,436
to where we are.
329
00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,306
I mean, she still
tries to read my diary.
330
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,138
Only now she respects
my privacy enough
331
00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:48,356
to wait until i'm not home.
332
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:49,876
Who's kidding who?
333
00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:52,230
My mother and I are
never gonna be close.
334
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,670
Oh, you might.
335
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:55,316
You should start
by finding the good
336
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:56,590
in what you have
337
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:58,372
and then build from there.
338
00:11:58,456 --> 00:11:59,716
I guess.
339
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:00,626
Ladies, would you
like to take a look
340
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,720
at our wine list?
341
00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:03,034
Oh, they're all grapes.
342
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:05,253
Just bring me half
a carafe and a straw.
343
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,863
Mona!
344
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,253
We'll take a bottle of your
345
00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,286
chateau latour 1990.
346
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,251
Excellent choice.
Hold up. Hold up.
347
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:14,690
I Don't know if I want that.
348
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:15,907
Trust me.
349
00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:17,276
The aroma is rich
and penetrating
350
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:18,825
without being too profound.
351
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:20,782
Uh-huh. And how
do you know this?
352
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,410
A little something I
picked up when my mom
353
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:24,047
took me to the
French wine country.
354
00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:25,354
But will it get me drunk?
355
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,620
Without the hangover.
356
00:12:26,702 --> 00:12:27,752
You sure?
357
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,104
Have you seen my mother drunk?
358
00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:32,063
Yeah.
359
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:34,142
Have you seen my
mother hungover?
360
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:38,761
Bring me the
chateau la-blah-blah.
361
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:44,235
[Piano playing]
362
00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:46,678
♪ Good morning, heartache ♪
363
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:50,066
I know it's evening,
but work with me.
364
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:53,860
♪ Here we go again ♪
365
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:56,947
♪ good morning, heartache ♪
366
00:12:57,037 --> 00:13:02,037
♪ you're the one
who knew me when ♪
367
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:06,519
♪ might as well
get used to you ♪
368
00:13:06,611 --> 00:13:11,231
♪ hanging around ♪
369
00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:15,402
♪ good morning, heartache ♪
370
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:19,100
♪ sit down! ♪
371
00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:21,669
[Applause]
372
00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:23,187
Ooh.
373
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,330
You are drunk.
374
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:27,373
Wait.
375
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:30,068
There's something
I want you to know.
376
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:31,807
I want the record to reflect
377
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,158
I spoil my daughter
378
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:35,467
because she deserves the best.
379
00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,383
But I realized tonight
380
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,778
why I always tell
you you're nothing.
381
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,062
Because you're
afraid you'll never be
382
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:42,601
as close to Dee
Dee as I am to Mona.
383
00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:43,951
No.
384
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,400
Because i'm
afraid I will never be
385
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:50,223
as close to Dee Dee
as you are to Mona.
386
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:51,547
If i'm going to listen to this,
387
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,749
I need a little
liquid hearing aid.
388
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,703
Oh, bartender.
389
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:58,191
I ordered a mojito.
Is that a mojito?
390
00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:01,932
Let me taste.
391
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:12,198
Yep. Mojito.
392
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:13,896
Can I tell you a secret?
393
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:15,383
That's not your real hair?
394
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:16,643
[Snickers]
395
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:17,935
Of course it is.
396
00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:20,251
I paid full price
for an Asian silky.
397
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:21,377
But that's not my secret.
398
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,119
This is my secret.
399
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:26,040
Once, right after
we were married,
400
00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:28,166
Charles called out your name.
401
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:31,168
In bed.
402
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:32,391
Can I tell you a secret?
403
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:33,480
What?
404
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:37,528
That's damn humiliating.
405
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:38,735
Oh, you should have seen him
406
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,660
try to get out of that one.
407
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:43,059
He got you a single red Rose.
408
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:44,583
How'd you know that? Please.
409
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:48,666
The man has had the
same moves since puberty.
410
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,407
How do you know
411
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:53,148
when a marriage is over?
412
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,680
You are asking the wrong person.
413
00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:57,074
You have been married for years.
414
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,587
You already had Dee Dee.
415
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,120
I was still waiting for
him to come home to me.
416
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:03,824
How deluded was I?
417
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,123
Don't be so hard on yourself.
418
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,168
Relationships are tough.
419
00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:08,654
No matter how much we do,
420
00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:10,173
it's never enough.
421
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:11,077
Wanna know something else?
422
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:12,001
What?
423
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:15,125
Never enough.
424
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,218
Now can I tell you a secret?
425
00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:18,477
What?
426
00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:21,139
The only reason I
came to this spa,
427
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,104
was so I could show you
I could give my daughter
428
00:15:23,183 --> 00:15:26,403
all the incredible
things you give yours.
429
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:28,230
Aw.
430
00:15:28,318 --> 00:15:30,968
You can't.
431
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:33,150
That is so sweet you tried.
432
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:38,456
[Piano playing]Oh! Listen!
433
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,507
♪ It's raining ♪
434
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:46,855
♪ it's pouring ♪
435
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:53,736
♪ my lovelife is
boring me to tears ♪
436
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:59,177
♪ after all these years ♪
437
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:02,742
♪ no sunshine ♪
438
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:05,051
♪ no moonlight ♪
439
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,008
♪ no stardust ♪
440
00:16:07,096 --> 00:16:13,056
♪ no sign of romance ♪
441
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:19,586
♪ we Don't stand a chance ♪
442
00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:22,334
♪ i've always dreamed that I ♪
443
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:28,156
♪ would find the perfect lover ♪
444
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:31,378
♪ but he turned out to be ♪
445
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:36,038
♪ like every other man ♪
446
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:42,305
Both: ♪ I loved ♪
447
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:47,662
♪ loved ♪
448
00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,785
♪ raining ♪ ♪ raining ♪
449
00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:53,268
♪ pouring ♪ ♪ pouring ♪
450
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,060
♪ there's nothing left for us ♪
451
00:16:57,146 --> 00:17:01,016
♪ here ♪
452
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:07,897
♪ and we won't waste ♪
453
00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:15,473
♪ another ♪
454
00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:24,513
♪ tear ♪
455
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:31,696
♪ if you've had enough ♪
456
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:32,939
♪ Don't put up with his stuff ♪
457
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,014
♪ Don't you do it ♪
458
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:36,617
Oh, my god.
459
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,267
♪ If you've had your fill ♪
460
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:39,511
♪ get the check, pay your bill ♪
461
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:40,796
♪ you can do it ♪
462
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:42,115
We've got to get
them out of here.
463
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,408
And admit we know them?
464
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:44,517
It's bad enough we're the only
465
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:46,941
black people staying here.
466
00:17:47,022 --> 00:17:50,162
♪ Shout it out ♪
467
00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:51,333
♪ enough is enough ♪
468
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:52,198
♪ is enough ♪
469
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:53,718
Is enough!
470
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:56,421
♪ I can't go on no more no ♪
471
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:57,420
♪ enough is enough ♪
472
00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:58,601
♪ is enough ♪
473
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:01,166
♪ I can't go on ♪
474
00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:02,304
♪ no more no ♪
475
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:03,555
♪ enough is enough ♪
476
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:06,387
♪ is enough is enough ♪
477
00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:08,516
♪ is enough ♪
478
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:12,531
Come on, mom.
479
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,013
It's time to go.
480
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,443
I'm coming.
481
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:17,880
[Keys jingle]
482
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:20,226
I didn't move an inch, did I?
483
00:18:20,316 --> 00:18:22,876
'lo, 'lo.
484
00:18:22,971 --> 00:18:25,191
Oh, my god. There are 2 of them.
485
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:26,758
You Don't seem hung over.
486
00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:28,284
Honeysuckle.
487
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:29,498
It takes more than a half
488
00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:30,366
a dozen mojitos
489
00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:31,237
to knock this gal
490
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:32,197
off her stilettos.
491
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:33,155
Guess we tied one on,
492
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:34,162
didn't we?
493
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:35,463
Shh!
494
00:18:35,549 --> 00:18:36,549
Dee Dee: Mom? Yes?
495
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:37,513
What are these
496
00:18:37,594 --> 00:18:38,424
dollar bills in the room?
497
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:39,898
Tips.
498
00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:40,898
My version of
Jenny from the block
499
00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:43,029
brought down the house.
500
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,602
Didn't it, phyl?
501
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:48,389
You know all those mean
things I said to you in the past?
502
00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:51,645
I meant every one of them.
503
00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:53,129
Just for fun, i'm
going to buy her
504
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,219
a really greasy breakfast
505
00:18:54,307 --> 00:18:55,047
and take the curviest road
506
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,054
home I can find.
507
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,397
We should get going, too.
508
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,006
Actually, little Dee,
509
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:03,926
I thought we could have
that chat about Neil now.
510
00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:05,012
Really?
511
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:06,056
Now, where were we?
512
00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:07,151
Oh, yes.
513
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:10,373
How, when the two of you,
514
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:13,633
act as man and woman.
515
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,147
Mom, it's ok.
516
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:16,941
I'm trying to bond.
517
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,515
And it's obvious
you're uncomfortable.
518
00:19:18,548 --> 00:19:19,768
We Don't have to force it.
519
00:19:19,854 --> 00:19:23,034
Oh, thank god!
520
00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:24,768
Look.
521
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:26,659
You Don't have to try to
be something you're not.
522
00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:27,857
But I want to be the mother
523
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:29,989
you want me to be.
524
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:32,391
Well, maybe it's time
I start appreciating
525
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,475
the mother i've got.
526
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:38,094
The one who exposed
me to fine art, fine wine.
527
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,787
Gave me an incredible
sense of style.
528
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:42,155
Well, I can't
take all the credit
529
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,441
for that.
530
00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:46,140
Ok, I can.
531
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:49,138
I mean, who needs
a girlfriend mother
532
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:52,501
when you can have
a fabulous mother.
533
00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:55,892
And I have a fabulous daughter.
534
00:19:55,977 --> 00:19:58,547
[Crying] Happy mother's day.
535
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:02,722
I love you. I love you.
536
00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:06,604
What do you say
537
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,343
we get a farewell facial?
538
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:09,564
Together.
539
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:10,643
I'd like that.
540
00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:11,467
And while they're
541
00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:12,558
exfoliating us,
542
00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:13,426
i'll tell you how I lost
543
00:20:13,516 --> 00:20:14,426
my virginity
544
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,517
and then you can tell me.
545
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:19,306
Can we stop at the bar
on the way to the spa?
546
00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:25,092
Just one mojito.Yeah.
547
00:20:46,941 --> 00:20:49,291
Whoo-hoo! [Giggling]
548
00:20:49,341 --> 00:20:53,891
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