Original subtitles

I'm sorry, but it's been 20 minutes.

Your party is still not here,

and we have a line clear down to supercuts.

So either order or give up the table,

'cause you are holdin' up my tips.

I swear. Mona's parking the car.

She'll be here.

5 minutes ago you told me

she was going to the bathroom.

Well, she's driving a big ol' winnebago,

and you know how difficult those are to park.

Look. I Don't know who this Mona person is,

but you need to re-examine

your relationship

away from my station.

You know, maybe you're right.

Mona hasn't been a very good sister

at all lately.

I mean, this is the third time in 2 weeks

that she has stood me up.

Plus she didn't want to go shopping

for our dad's birthday present,

and then once when I was 9...

You're just stalling for time, aren't you?

You just lost your tip, missy.

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ you're finding you, i'm finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪ooh.

Wow. Someone else was mugged

just a few blocks from my apartment.

That's the reason I Don't carry cash.

Well, that and I Don't have any.

I just feel so vulnerable.

I used to feel the same way, sister.

Man, do you keep your ear

permanently attached to the door?

Yes.

Mona, I have the perfect solution.

I refuse to stay in my apartment

locked in a closet.

Please, like i've ever been in one of those.

I have one word for you: Self-defense.

That's 2 words. It's hyphenated.

Anyway, there's this fabulously intensive

2-week course.

Sounds like something I could use.

I've been taking it for 2 years.

Why have you been taking a 2-week course for 2 years?

Well, the instructor's hot.

And if you Don't do the moves right,

he touches you.

I had to ask.

Where the hell were you this afternoon?

And please tell me

you aren't trying to dance again.

No. I'm just getting ready for my self-defense class.

Mona, we had lunch plans.

Oh, i'm so sorry, Dee Dee. It'll never happen again.

That's what you said the last time.

In fact, that's why you were taking me to lunch...

To make up for the last time.

You know, if I were you, i'd stop making plans with me.

Mona, you are really giving me the runaround.

What is the point of being sisters

if we aren't gonna spend any quality time together?

I mean, we're usually with Spencer

or my mom or your mom or my boyfriend or your...

Well, it's never just you and me.

Fine. Come with me to my self-defense class.

I Don't know.

Aren't those classes for lonely women

who need to be touched and can't afford massages?

Just one more reason to take it. Let's move.

Ok, the next move i'm gonna teach you

is a defense against an attacker.

Do I have any volunteers?

Anyone else? Anyone at all?

Carla!

Thank god!

I mean, thank you.

Bitch.

So, class,

it's a very simple maneuver to flip an aggressor.

Carla.

Come at me from behind.

Now he's just taunting me.

Shh!

And when you feel your attacker get near you,

simply grab their arm, and with one swift motion,

you flip them over.

Ok, my turn! I've been a bad boy.

Ok, ladies and Adam,

now, it's your turn to try this with a partner.

Ok, you go first. Try to flip me.

Maybe we need to watch someone first.

Let's just sit this one out.

[Yells]

I did it! I took her down!

I'm, like, ooh,

crouching tiger, hidden Mona.

Should I go into the white light?

Mona, this is supposed to be practice.

Oh, my god!

Somebody call the paramedics.

Yeah, this is terrible.

I blame Carla.

[Hoarsely] Water.

No, no, no. I'll get that for you.

The doctor said

you'll heal faster if you Don't move.

That's good, 'cause I can't.

There's my broken flower.

[Gasps]

It's worse than I thought.

I can seethe pilates muscle tone

fading already.

You!

Now, I know you inherited the grace

of an ox from your mother,

but that is no excuse to hurt my baby.

Mother, it isn't Mona's fault.

Save your precious energy, dear.

What kind of big sister are you?!

The sturdy one

is supposed to protect the fragile Fawn.

It's nature's way.

What do you have to say for yourself?

Well, i... i Don't want to hear it.

Don't worry, little Dee, mother's here.

I think a stiff drink will do a world of good.

Oh, no. I Don't think she's supposed to mix

alcohol with her medication.

The drink is for me.

I hate being sober around the infirm.

Hey, honey. Hey, Spencer.

Spencer: Hey.

Just dropped by

to bring you a little homemade lasagna.

It's half-eaten.

Hey, I gotta eat, too.

So how's Dee Dee doing?

Not too good

since Mona flipped her like a pancake at I.H.O.P.

Why is everybody trying to make me feel guilty?

Baby, let me tell you a little story.

There are these 4 best girlfriends

lookin' for a way out of the ghetto.

Now, none of them can rap or play ball,

so they turn to bank robbery.

Well, tragedy ensues.

Ma, that's the movie, set it off.

Yeah, I just saw it. That was a good story.

What does that have to do with guilt?

Well, I went up on the roof

to patch into my neighbor's cable

to see it. And, frankly,

i'm feeling a little guilty.

Well, I would never hurt Dee Dee on purpose.

Well, you did put a picture of Dee Dee

on your dart board back in college.

And you pimped her on a video shoot

to score points at work.

And you put her e-mail address

on that freaky singles website.

I didn't do th@t

oh, yeah, that was me,

but I blamed it on you.

Ok, ok, it's true.

Ever since I was a kid,

i've wanted Dee Dee to suffer in some small way.

Remember that doll I had... Baby drink-n-wet?

And I told you she looked so beat up

because she got run over by a car?

Well, that wasn't exactly true.

Hey, Dee Dee, it's so nice of you

to leave daddy's big, pretty house

and come play with me

in my itty-bitty apartment.

I have some special games

we can play.

Thanks for coming over.

Drop by again.

And that was before I discovered

the joys of fire.

Girl damn near burned down my drapes.

Mona, you got some anger issues

when it comes to Dee Dee.

You need to deal with that.

I know.

I Don't want Dee Dee on my conscience.

Well, I say Don't think about it.

No. I have to find a way

to make things right with her,

but without spending money or inconveniencing myself.

Now, that's the right spirit.

Knock knock.

I brought you

a sorry-i-broke-your-back package.

Vogueand essence to read...

Toni Morrison to pretend to read

when your friends are over.

And my coveted taye diggs film festival

cued up to where he takes off his pants.

That's really sweet.

Of course, I can't actually getto the VCR.

Listen, why Don't I sleep over

so if you need anything, i'm here to help.

You would do that for me?

Well, you got

all my books and magazines.

What else am I gonna do tonight?

Wow, you were "little miss

African-American San Mateo"?

How'd they fit that on a sash?

They didn't.

They made me wear a big sandwich board.

Oh, I can't believe you kept the pictures

from our trip to Disneyland.

Look how little we are.

Me in my mouse ears,

you in your pirates of the caribbeaneye patch.

That was real for my lazy eye.

Oh, yeah. Let's turn the page.

Wait a minute. You guys went to London?

I Don't remember being invited.

Let's do something else.

What else did we do

at our slumber parties when we were kids?

Oh, I know!

Those talent shows, remember?

Oh, yeah, we put on your mother's wigs

and her giant shoes.

Oh, and we used her opera cape

as a curtain.

Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand,

the sisters Thorne.

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

Both: ♪ without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love each other through ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us? ♪

♪ Sha la la-la ♪

And then when the show was over,

we'd eat popcorn and milk duds together.

Ooh, do you think it would work

with m&ms or sour patch kids?

I'm game.Ok.

Mona: Mmm.

Mmm.mmm.

Thanks for staying with me, Mona.

No problem.

Ooh! Ah. Got a kernel.

Gotta get that out.

Hey. I have one of those.

You have a tooth tote?

Yeah.

There's the scraper

and the picker and the flicker.

That's my favorite.

Daddy always said,

"you Don't have to brush all your teeth.

Both: Just the ones you want to keep."

Hey, Dee Dee.

I just thought i'd drop off

some kung pao chicken for you.

And let me know if

there's anything else you need.

Actually, I was thinking it was so helpful

having you here last night,

maybe you could stay over again.

Oh, I Don't know, Dee Dee. I Don't think I can...

Ooh. Ooh.

Sure. Why not?

You know,

I have to get back to work right now,

but i'll be back

as soon as I can, ok?

So enjoy the lunch.

Thanks, Mona. Hey.

I couldn't get through this without you.

Yeah, ok, bye bye.

Oh, shoot. She forgot the chopsticks.

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us? ♪

♪ Sha la la-la ♪

Hey, baby, you ready to go to the movies?

Oh, my god. You've been dumped again.

What?!

That mound of cookies

means you've been dumped.

Now, tell me who it is

so I can get my friend at the IRS

to make his life a living hell.

No, ma. These are for Dee Dee.

Oh.

You know, that Dee Dee sure is healing slow.

You know what I think?

I'll tell you what I think.

I think all that soft living

has made that child frail.

She's just a big little wimp.

Mom, why do you always assume the worst

about Dee Dee?

'cause the apple doesn't fall far

from the heifer.

Well, this time with her

has actually been good for us.

It has?

Yeah, and if I cared about her

as much as she seems to care about me,

well, she wouldn't be upstairs right now

in pain and practically disabled.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

Dee Dee.[Ring]

I've fallen and I can't get up.

How long have you been like this?

I Don't know. I lost track of time.

I've been trying so hard to get to the phone.

Is it still Tuesday?

Wow. I better tell my mother

to go to the movies without me.

No, no. Go ahead. Have fun.

I'm feeling better now that I can feel my legs.

Well, one of them.

Ok, but i'll be back as soon as I can.

Are you sure?

I Don't want you to change your plans

just because of me.

Oh, I Don't mind.

You know, i've actually

kind of enjoyed hanging with you.

See?

Things happen for a reason.

Your vicious and unprovoked attack

actually brought us closer together.

So what you're saying is

I should have kicked your ass

10 years ago.

Maybe I mis-spoke.

[Knock on door]

Dee Dee!

Dee Dee!

Aah!

Spencer!

You can walk!

I can walk. It's a miracle! Praise god!

What's really going on?

The real question is how did you get in here?!

With the key Mona gave me so I could check on you.

Now i'm in the middle of some mess.

Well, you Don't have to be.

Just turn around, leave, and...

And go to the men's clothing store

of your choice on me.

And act like you didn't see anything.

I could use a new suit.

Ladies like a man in a suit.

I can't do that. Mona's my best friend.

Ok, ok, i'm gonna tell her.

I just have to do it in my own way.

Well, you better do it soon.

If Mona finds out I know,

she's gonna blame me.

Now, why would she do that?

Waiting to exhale, jungle fever...

You always blame the black man.

Seriously, Spencer,

i'm starting to worry about Dee Dee.

It's been a few days,

and she seems to be getting worse.

Well, you saw her last night.

What do you think?

I think she didn't look like I thought she would.

Everything's gonna be fine. Trust me.

Well, how can you be sure?

I'm not!

I'm not.

Why you got to be up in my business, woman?!

Mona, you have a visitor out front.

Really? Who?

I'm paid to take messages over the phone,

not in person.

Ok, what's up?

What's up with what?

I sit at my desk every day with a book.

Do you really think i'm reading?

Yes.

Please. I Don't even know the title.

I'm watching people,

and when you twirl your fingers like that,

you're hiding something.

I Don't know what you're talkin' about.

We can do this easy, or we can do it rough.

Either way, i've got all day.

Fine.

Dee Dee's not really injured,

and she's been fakin' it. Happy?

Ooh, that's good.

And it would be a shame

if Mona found out you knew.

You wouldn't.

I'm 30, and i'm still a receptionist.

There is very little I wouldn't.

[Sighs] Ok. What'll keep you quiet?

Wait. Forget I asked that.

Too late!

There's a certain self-defense instructor

I know I could impress

if you pretended to mug me

and I kicked your ass.

You want me to let you kick my ass in public?

Where other people can see?

Can I just give you some tickets

to the ice capades or something?

This year? Without Scott Hamilton?

I Don't think so.

Adam, there wasn't even anyone out there.

What's going on?

Dee Dee isn't really injured.

She's been playing you, and Spencer knew about it.

Oh, wouldn't I?

She what?!

Dee Dee's faking, and I caught her,

but she says she was gonna tell you.

And you just let her play me?!

See? Blame the black man!

Now, mini-Dee, if you are not better soon,

I insist that you consider taking stronger medication.

I always have mother's little helpers close by.

Hey! Sweet tea.

I know how much you've helped with my baby,

and I want to apologize for accusing you

of intentionally hurting her.

It's just with your being raised

in a house full of anger,

I tend to assume the worst.

I noticed that.

Oh, and, Dee,

if you change your mind about what we discussed,

call me.

Hey, Mona,

I was thinking we could have Chinese again.

Ok, time to drop the act, Dee Dee.

So, did you have fun making a fool out of me?

"Oh, Mona, could you fluff my pillow?

"Oh, Mona, could you jam my muffin?

Oh, Mona, could you loofah my ashy ankles?"

Ok! Ok, I admit it.

I milked the injury a little.

A little?

Hey, i'm a drama queen. It's in my blood.

But, Mona,

these last few days have been so great.

For once I didn't have to chase you down.

You were with me because you chose to be.

No. You manipulated me into it!

Details.

The point is we were finally

spending time together.

We spend plenty of time together.

You're always at my place or dragging me to lunch

or shopping

or introducing me to your friends.

I've spent more time with you

in the past 9 months

than I ever have in my entire life.

Isn't that enough?

No.

I want more, and sometimes I feel

like i'm the only one

who cares if we ever get any closer.

Dee Dee, I care,

but you can't force relationships.

Your problem is

you're just used to getting

what you want when you want it.

That's a problem?

Yes.

Now, Dee Dee, we're sisters.

That's not gonna change.

But you gotta give me room.

So, I guess this means

you Don't wanna hang out with me tonight.

No. I'm mad at you!

Are you gonna stay mad long?

You just Don't give up, do you?

Nope, and i'm not gonna.

What am I gonna do with you?

How about a day at the spa? My treat.

I guess I could still hold a grudge

while being exfoliated.

No use being mad andscaly.

What's taking so long in there?

You go to eggo land for those waffles?

Sorry. I wanted them to be perfect. See?

Just the way you like them:

Browned around the edges with half Mrs. Butterworth,

half Mrs. Butterworth light.

Ooh, you should keep secrets

from me more often. I like this

making-it-up-to-me thing.

So now are we square?

Oh, not even close.

Start a-rubbin'.

And after this

you're gonna give me a pedicure.

Uhh!

And then we're gonna dye your hair!

Whoo-hoo! [Giggles]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0