Original subtitles

All right, Dee Dee. We'll be right up.

[Click]You know, it's just like those Dee dees

to call us upstairs in the middle of our lovely evening.

Uh, you were changing my vacuum bag

and saying I should freeze my eggs since I can't find a man.

Like I said, a lovely evening.

Aren't you gonna lock the door?

We're going upstairs for 2 minutes.

How do you know some crazy person won't come in there

and start rummaging through your things? Because she's with me.

Hey, Dee Dee, what's up? Well...

Hi.

Mother has something she'd like to ask you.

Mother? sweet pea,

your father and I would like to invite you

to Thanksgiving dinner at our home.

Oh, how nice!

And who else?

Phyllis...

This year, Charles' mother Ruth has agreed to join us.

The old bag's insisting that you come.

I happen to love that old bag.

Well, apparently the feeling is mutual.

Clearly the poor woman's showing signs... mother!

Anyway, if you don't want to attend

because it will ruin the holiday for everyone,

I will understand, and I can tell Ruth it was your decision.

Oh, I'm gonna be there.

Let's just say you'll think about it, huh?

♪ Through this journey of discovery ♪

♪ in finding you and finding me ♪

♪ now that I have someone special ♪

♪ who brings out the joy ♪ ♪ who brings out the joy ♪

♪ inside of me ♪ ♪ inside of me ♪

♪ we can become whatever we want ♪

♪ all we need is lovin' you ♪

♪ that's the way our feelings should be ♪

♪ you and me ♪

[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

Ooh. [Chuckles]

[Whistling]

Mom, I think you're enjoying this Thanksgiving thing a little too much.

What is wrong with looking forward to a national holiday?

And if I also get to watch your grandmother

get under big Dee Dee's skin, then god bless america.

Why doesn't Nana Ruth like big Dee Dee?

Because she likes me.

We are both hard-working, no-nonsense women

who raised our kids after our no-good husbands

left us for a young, easy piece of...

Ma, boundaries!

Man, home-baked pie.

That's better than the short stack at ihop I'm gonna have,

but it's the best I can do

since I can't afford to fly home

where my mom is running a day care out of my room.

Spencer, please. I was gonna ask you to spend Thanksgiving with us. Stop begging.

Was I begging?

Hi! hey.

Just wanted to let you know

my mom says tomorrow's attire is dressy casual,

meaning no one should look better than her.

I invited Spencer if that's ok.

Oh, sure. You'll get to meet our grandmother. Lucky you.

Hey, I love Nana Ruth. She's a kick.

I played cards with her and I lost my shirt.

That's the last time I play strip poker with that lady.

What grandmother are you talking about?

Nana. You know,

sweet, funny, caring.

Don't you mean grandmother Thorne,

drill sergeant in support hose?

No. Nana, the woman who took me to the zoo,

ooh, the one who bought my easter outfit,

and the one who taught me how to make a mean bloody Mary.

Well, my grandmother Thorne

made me put my tooth fairy money in the church dish

and told me god wouldn't love me if I cried.

Well, I guess we just have different relationships with her.

Well, I want a relationship like yours,

and I want my money back from god.

We might have been stuck at school sophomore year,

but Mona and I still had a great Thanksgiving.

We microwaved a Turkey. I don't recommend it.

And Mona got that cool tattoo.

She got a what? Spencer, shut up.

You got a what?! Mona Thorne, that is the one thing you promised me you would never do.

And it's the one thing he promised he would never speak of.

What other secrets have you been keepin' from me, Mona,

if that is your real name.

Ok, I know that's your real name, but that's just how mad I am.

Mrs. Thorne, calm down. I mean, haven't you done

some crazy things when you were drunk?

Shh! you were drunk?!

Hey, the police let her off with a warning.

♪ Doo doo bee doo ♪

Hey! How's dinner coming? Hey.

Well, considering your mother has demanded a home-cooked meal,

it has not been easy. I have worked my fingers to the bone

unpacking all these containers from the caterer.

It'll be the finest meal you've never cooked.

Now I just have to make it look like I did.

Oh, I wish I did not care what your mother thought of me. I do.

And of course inga would choose yesterday to quit

after I gave her all of my out-of-style workout clothes.

Remind me never to hire another illegal Swede.

Since it's the first time we're all sitting down for a holiday meal together,

I'm sure my mother will appreciate your efforts.

I doubt it. That woman can't stand me.

Honey, that's not true. She just needs a little time to get to know you.

Charles, we've been married for 23 years.

First 23 are the hardest.

Hi.for you.

Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving. You, too.

Hey, there's my girls. Hey, dad.

Hey. happy Thanksgiving, daddy.

I'm glad you could join us.

Now, look, your grandmother's gonna be here any minute,

so I'm gonna put on that butt-ugly sweater

that she gave me for my birthday.

Mona, I thought about your relationship with grandmother Thorne,

and I think even though I've spent more time with her,

I haven't really reached out to her,

so I've made it my Thanksgiving goal.

Really? Mine's gonna be to fit in my pants tomorrow.

Now I wanna show you what I got to win her over.

A chair? No!

Not just any chair.

It's specially made to help older people

rise from their seat.

It's called the "ups-a-Daisy."

Wow. I want one of these.

Plus, I got her a bouquet of violets.

Since her middle name is Violet, she's gotta love that.

And finally,

I taped today's episode of her favorite soap,

the young and the restless.

She gets all cranky when she misses it,

although I don't know how we'd tell the difference.

[Door opens]

Hey! hey, Phyllis, Spencer. Welcome.

Thank you.

Well, if it isn't tattoo Mary.

[Scoffs]

What's he doing here?

We promised he could come,

and some of us keep our promises.

Too bad some of us can't keep our mouths shut.

Could some of us stop talking like some of us aren't in the room?

Happy Thanksgiving! It's a joyous day,

so let's cut the crap and eat some bird, shall we?

Phyllis, I see you found your way to the food by instinct.

Well, it looks like someone's been slaving over a hot delivery boy.

This is your version of home-cooking? Hee hee.

I can't wait to tell Ruth this.[Gasps]

You cannot tell that old bag of bones.

She already hates me enough.

Oh, I think she can hate you more.

Phyllis, please, please, please, please.

Now, I know we've had a checkered past,

you know, filled with our ups and downs and playful banter,

but let's just keep it between us girls, ok? Yeah.

Well, I won't tell Ruth about this meal

if you don't insult me all night.

Deal. wasn't done.

And every time I tap my glass,

you have to compliment me... Royally.

Tell everyone I made those pies and you got a deal.

Look who's here! Ha ha ha ha.

Nana! Oooh!

Oh!

My lttle Mona palona.

I missed you! I missed you, too, darling.

Grandmother Thorne, you look wonderful,

these are for you. Oh, violets.

They always remind me of death.

Oh. Well, I'll just, uh, set these in the trash.

So, mother, how was your limo ride from the airport? Charles,

why'd you send such a big car for one person?

It's such a waste of money. But I wanted you to be comfortable.

Then why did you fly me coach?

I'm gonna put your bags in your room. Yes, do that.

The heavy ones are my free weights.

You know, gotta keep lookin' good.

Spencer, tell me, are you and my Mona

finally going steady? Uh, not yet.

I think the words you were looking for were "god, no."

Well, handsome, tonight, why don't you be my date?

Ooh, Nana, I don't know if I can keep up with you, but I'll try.

For somebody's granny, you look nice.

Real nice.

You just don't know when to shut your trap! Um, where is Phyllis?

Here I am, mom!

How are you, baby?

Ah, good to see you.

Oh, everybody's here!

You forgot someone!

No, I didn't. Oh, a dog...

In the dining room. Oh, how sanitary.

Oh, mother Thorne, such a card.

I hope you're ready for a big dinner.

Well, as long as it's simple, down-home cooking

like my Phyllis makes.

[Snorts] Excuse me. I choked on something.

I think it's maybe the big girl's perfume

because it got to me, too.

Mm-hmm.

Grandmother Thorne.

You must be tired from your trip.

Why don't you sit over here?

It's called an "ups-a-Daisy."

Ups-a-Daisy. yeah, see, it's a special chair

I had set up just for your convenience,

and when you wanna get up...

See? Ups-a-Daisy! Mm-hmm.

Who do you think I am, a bale of hay?

I can stand on my own.

I bet she can fall with a little help.

And now, Nana, Dee Dee will show you the best surprise of all.

Oh, yes!

Your... your favorite show!

Um, now presenting

the young and the restless.

[Speaking korean on TV]

Korean wrestling? How did that happen?

You think I like watching fat, half-naked men rolling around?

Why do you think I stopped sleeping with your grandfather?

But... but at least I get an "a" for effort, right?

I bet my friend hortense is having a better Thanksgiving than this.

Oh, is she with her family, too?

No. She's dead.

Ah! What a feast!

I think we should give the chef a hand.

[Applause]

I'll applaud when I have tasted it.

Ah, before we eat,

I thought, since it is Thanksgiving,

we could all take a moment to share what each of us is thankful for.

Who'd like to start?

Ok, I'll start.

I'm thankful that we could all be here today together,

and I'm especially thankful

that my wonderful grandmother could join us this year.

Grandmother Thorne, how about you?

Well, I am thankful that my family is all here

and that I can purchase today's episode of my favorite soap on eBay.

Charles: [Clears throat] I'm thankful...

That for the first time, all the women in my family are here together.

[Under his breath] God help us.

I know what I'm thankful for.

Good friends.

I'm thankful for friends I can trust.

I hope to have one someday.

Big Dee Dee: And I am thankful for...[Taps glass]

Being in the presence of such a lovely woman as Phyllis Thorne...

[Taps glass]Who has graced us today with her regal beauty...

[Taps glass]And razor-sharp wit. Here's to Phyllis!

Honey, these potatoes are delicious.

[Laughs]Yes, mother, you really outdid yourself.

It was nothing...[Taps glass]

That Phyllis couldn't do

any day of the week.

Why, thank you.

You know, my mom made Thanksgiving dinner once.

The lumps in the gravy were so big,

we thought we were eating meatballs.

So, now you're telling other people's business?

That's nice, real nice.

Charles: I just can't get over how delicious these potatoes are.

Why don't we all enjoy them in silence?

Mona, you don't think I can keep a secret?[Mona laughs]

If these people knew half the things I know about you,

they'd flip a wig. No offense, Mrs. Thorne.

None taken, unplanned guest.

You know who I bet the most thankful people are today?

Your family 'cause you're not there with your big mouth.

You know what, Mona?

Maybe I shouldn't be here with you, either.

[Mona sighs]

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

Nice work.

I don't wanna hear it, ma. Of course not.

Since when did you listen to your mother? Dee Dee: Ladies, please,

let's not argue on Thanksgiving. Ruth: All right.

If Mona and Phyllis need to talk, let them talk.

Sorry.

I'll go help Dee Dee.

Dee Dee, why don't you just let this whole Nana thing go?

That's easy for you to say. She totally favors you.

She does, doesn't she?

Look, maybe you shouldn't try so hard.

You don't understand, Mona.

This woman put coal in my Christmas stocking

and told me that if I rubbed it hard enough,

it would turn into a diamond!

Grandmothers are supposed to love you no matter what.

I just want mine to like me.

Just 'cause you really want something

doesn't mean you're gonna get it.

Hey, look, growing up,

I wanted daddy to live with me.

It didn't happen. That's life.

Well, for most of us.

Oh, here we go!

My life is so great, and yours stinks.

Well, maybe it wouldn't if you had a better attitude.

Oh, excuse me for being a realist. No!

You only see the negative. You never see the good stuff,

like a best friend who keeps apologizing for one little mistake.

Hey, we're not talking about me.

No! We're talking about me,

and I'm not gonna give up.

That old lady's gonna love me

whether she wants to or not!

I just came in to get a serving fork. Don't mind me.

Oh, that's right. You never do.

Ma, I didn't get a tattoo to make you angry.

It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.

And why does it upset you so much anyway?

Because I'm your mother

and because I asked you not to,

and because I have one.

What? i was young and dumb, just like you,

and now I'm stuck with it,

and it's 3 inches lower than it used to be.

What's the tattoo of?

[Laughs]Charles.

What?

You have daddy's name tattooed on some

sagging part of your body?

Another dumb mistake I made.

But mine wasn't a mistake.

Then why did you keep it from me?

I thought we were closer than that.

Well, you asked me not to get one,

and I thought I'd respect you

by letting you believe I didn't get one.

Don't I get points for that?

No.oh.

And don't ever let me see it,

but if I did see it, what would I see?

It's just a little Rose with thorns.

What the hell kind of tattoo is that?

Ma, you named me Mona Rose Thorne.

I had to work with that somehow.

So, mother, are you enjoying the meal?

This stuffing is kind of interesting.

What did you put in it? Uh, lots of love.

Well, besides love, did you put giblets, cornbread,

mushrooms... honestly, you know, I don't remember.

Mother, what does it matter?

Well, it matters if it's a lie.

You see, big girl here did not prepare this meal at all.

She's a phony, hon. Always has been.

Mother! oh, son,

I have lived a lot of years.

I can say any damn thing I want.

Excuse me.

Dee Dee, honey?

I can't believe you'd come into my parents' house

and insult my mother like that.

Do you know how xanaxed up she got for your visit?

And did you take something, too?

Because you have clearly lost your mind

if you think you can talk to me like that.

Your mother is the one who lied.

Because she's so consumed with what you think of her.

Both of us are.

And you know what, I don't know why I ever bothered

trying to please a cranky old woman

who's nothing but mean to me.

Now, just hold on there, little one.

I'm not mean to you.

I'm trying to help you.

How are you possibly helping me?

By being the one person who is not going to make your life

so damned easy!

Oh, you mean like giving me a lump of coal

and telling me it would turn into a diamond?

I was trying to teach you.

You have to earn your diamonds...

A lesson in life and earth science.

Dee Dee, ever since you were a baby, everyone has coddled you.

That's not the way it works in the real world.

Look at Mona.

Yeah, what about Mona?

You've always been so nice to her.'Cause she needs it.

And the way I see it,

it's the responsibility of the grandparents to provide balance.

She needed coddling, you needed a wake-up call.

I wanna provide you with a wake-up call

'cause I love you.

I have always loved you.

Wow. So, that's what you were doing?

Well, it all finally makes sense.

I guess all I can say is cut it out!

Oh, I beg your pardon?

Well, I appreciate it in theory, but I'm an adult.

I get reality checks every day.

What I could really use in my life is a Nana.

Well, maybe now you are ready for a Nana.

So, this whole teaching me about the real world thing,

is that why you've been so rude to my mom?

Ha ha. No, I don't like your mom.

And I appreciate everything you went through today,

even though it was a lie,

and the stuffing had a little aluminum aftertaste.

Nana! uh...

What I'm trying to say

is... I'm sorry.

Apology accepted, mother Thorne.

I promise I did bake that pie, though.

I think it's too bad Spencer isn't here,

'cause he loves him some pecan pie.

Spencer! I need to call him.

Poor thing's probably sittin' somewhere

eatin' pancakes, mullin' over which syrup to use.

Spencer, it's me. We need to talk.

What about? What...

You came back? Never left.

Your mom's my ride.

I was upstairs watching the football game.

Spencer, I am so sorry,

and you will always be my best friend.

Even if you can't keep a secret.

Well, now that that's settled,

can this friend get a piece of your mom's pecan pie?

Phyllis made the pie?

I'll just wait in the car.

What did you make?

No, no. You sit there, mama Thorne,

I'll get you some more Turkey.

Oh, coco! What are you doing there?

Coco, that Turkey's for mother Thor...

Here's your Turkey, mother, delicious and moist.

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