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1
00:00:02,338 --> 00:00:04,510
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,576 --> 00:00:07,716
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,782 --> 00:00:11,422
♪ But where are those
good oldfashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:14,428
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,495 --> 00:00:17,836
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,903 --> 00:00:21,242
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,309 --> 00:00:22,913
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,248
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:30,160
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:34,536 --> 00:00:36,205
TOM (on TV):
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
11
00:00:36,272 --> 00:00:39,211
Our top story: doing laundry
and drinking beer.
12
00:00:39,278 --> 00:00:41,049
(clears throat)
I'm sorry.
13
00:00:41,115 --> 00:00:43,486
Doing laundry
and drinking beer?
14
00:00:43,554 --> 00:00:46,092
Quahog welcomes Duds & Suds,
15
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:47,896
a new laundromat
that serves beer.
16
00:00:47,963 --> 00:00:50,668
So if you want to drink and
watch your kid's teacher wash
17
00:00:50,735 --> 00:00:53,173
his only pair of pants,
get on down there.
18
00:00:53,239 --> 00:00:54,810
Ah, cool!
We should go!
19
00:00:54,876 --> 00:00:56,747
Nothing better
than putting on a warm diaper
20
00:00:56,814 --> 00:00:59,251
right out of the dryer.
21
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,569
(grunts)
22
00:01:09,405 --> 00:01:11,109
Ah, I'm okay! Let's go again!
23
00:01:11,175 --> 00:01:13,279
(knocking, rattling)
CHRIS: Shut up! Shut up!
24
00:01:13,346 --> 00:01:14,415
What's the problem?
25
00:01:14,482 --> 00:01:15,852
CHRIS:
What day is it?
26
00:01:15,918 --> 00:01:16,987
Wednesday?
27
00:01:17,054 --> 00:01:19,926
CHRIS: Aka, the one day a week
I have independent study
28
00:01:19,993 --> 00:01:22,064
first period
and get to sleep in!
29
00:01:22,131 --> 00:01:23,466
So shut up!
(banging)
30
00:01:23,534 --> 00:01:26,807
Stewie, when I was over
visiting Grandma and Grandpa,
31
00:01:26,874 --> 00:01:28,376
humiliating myself to ask them
32
00:01:28,443 --> 00:01:29,980
to keep paying
for your preschool...
33
00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:32,384
I know you don't understand me,
but I understand you.
34
00:01:32,451 --> 00:01:34,488
...I found ChiChi!
35
00:01:34,556 --> 00:01:36,794
He's like your doll, Reuben.
36
00:01:36,860 --> 00:01:37,962
I know, I know, I know.
37
00:01:38,029 --> 00:01:40,535
You called Joanna "Joanne"
the other day, it happens.
38
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:43,106
He was always
very special to me,
39
00:01:43,173 --> 00:01:46,312
now I want him to be
very special to you.
40
00:01:46,379 --> 00:01:47,882
What is she even talking about?
41
00:01:47,949 --> 00:01:50,187
Toy!
Toy? Oh, oh, toy!
42
00:01:50,253 --> 00:01:52,124
Oh, well,
why didn't you say so?
43
00:01:52,191 --> 00:01:54,529
Yay, toy!
Yay, toy!
44
00:01:54,596 --> 00:01:56,032
(banging)
CHRIS: Shut! Up!
45
00:01:56,099 --> 00:01:57,535
I'm so sorry, Chris!
46
00:01:57,602 --> 00:01:59,740
I forgot it was Wednesday!
47
00:01:59,806 --> 00:02:02,111
(chuckles): Oh, sorry,
where are my manners?
48
00:02:02,177 --> 00:02:04,248
ChiChi, this is Reuben
Uh, Rupert!
49
00:02:04,315 --> 00:02:06,085
(chuckles): Rupert! II meant
I meant Rupert.
50
00:02:06,152 --> 00:02:07,589
You know that.
51
00:02:07,655 --> 00:02:10,227
(insects trilling)
52
00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:14,001
(whispering): I know
it's not ideal that he's here,
53
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:15,403
but I can't just throw him out.
54
00:02:15,470 --> 00:02:16,640
Lois would be crushed.
55
00:02:16,707 --> 00:02:18,978
She has, like,
nothing in her life.
56
00:02:19,044 --> 00:02:20,313
Of course I saw his Bible,
57
00:02:20,380 --> 00:02:21,950
that's the first thing I saw.
58
00:02:31,970 --> 00:02:33,039
Hey, check it out.
59
00:02:33,106 --> 00:02:34,441
You and Peter have
the same undies.
60
00:02:34,509 --> 00:02:35,578
What are you talking about?
61
00:02:35,645 --> 00:02:36,914
He just wears
runofthemill Hanes.
62
00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:38,316
Yours aren't Hanes?
63
00:02:38,383 --> 00:02:39,853
No, mine are Planes.
64
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:41,289
All pilots wear them.
65
00:02:41,355 --> 00:02:42,792
Look at that, Planes.
66
00:02:42,859 --> 00:02:45,698
"The perfect underwear
for unexpected wind shear."
67
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,537
Is that, like, farts?
Yes, that's like farts.
68
00:02:51,108 --> 00:02:53,046
(kids chattering)
69
00:02:54,148 --> 00:02:56,052
Oh, hello, Doug.
70
00:02:56,118 --> 00:02:57,956
Can I sit here?
I don't care.
71
00:02:58,022 --> 00:02:59,358
My stop is next.
72
00:02:59,425 --> 00:03:01,530
I assume you're taking this
to the end of the line?
73
00:03:01,597 --> 00:03:04,301
Out to the land of cheap rents
and tract housing?
74
00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:06,072
My stop's pretty soon, too.
75
00:03:06,138 --> 00:03:07,307
What's on your shoes?
76
00:03:07,374 --> 00:03:09,746
Oh. These are called laces.
77
00:03:09,813 --> 00:03:12,484
I doubt you've ever heard
of them, Mr. Velcro.
78
00:03:12,552 --> 00:03:14,723
I know about laces!
I've just never seen black ones.
79
00:03:14,789 --> 00:03:16,459
Geez. Why are you always
such a dick?
80
00:03:16,526 --> 00:03:18,196
Takes one to know one.
81
00:03:18,263 --> 00:03:20,267
Where did you learn that?
That's great!
82
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,104
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Thatthat wasn't about you.
83
00:03:22,170 --> 00:03:23,439
I I'm just...
84
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:25,410
There'sthere's stuff going
on at home.
85
00:03:25,477 --> 00:03:27,715
I'd love to hear about it,
though fair warning:
86
00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:30,621
I know little
of lowermiddle class plight.
87
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:33,894
Eh, it's just this new stuffed
monkey ChiChi's making waves
88
00:03:33,961 --> 00:03:35,230
with my old stuffy.
89
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:36,700
I keep trying to get
rid of the monkey,
90
00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:39,706
but my mom keeps finding him
and I can tell you're bored.
91
00:03:39,773 --> 00:03:41,543
Far from it, Stewie.
I feel for you.
92
00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:43,981
That actually sounds like
what I'm going through
93
00:03:44,048 --> 00:03:45,250
with Miss Tiggywinkles.
94
00:03:45,317 --> 00:03:46,520
Really?
Yeah.
95
00:03:46,586 --> 00:03:48,857
It's really wearing on me.
96
00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:53,299
Hey, I just had a crazy idea.
97
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:55,303
We might be able to help
each other out.
98
00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:56,540
How's that?
99
00:03:56,606 --> 00:03:59,144
Think about it:
two fellas meet on a train,
100
00:03:59,211 --> 00:04:00,146
and do each other's murders.
101
00:04:00,213 --> 00:04:04,221
I kill ChiChi,
you kill Miss Tiggywinkles.
102
00:04:04,288 --> 00:04:06,292
Nobody could ever connect us
to the crimes.
103
00:04:06,359 --> 00:04:07,394
Crisscross.
104
00:04:07,461 --> 00:04:09,699
You've got yourself a deal!
105
00:04:11,670 --> 00:04:13,974
Great.
Well, this is my stop.
106
00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:16,112
No, no, no! You can't!
You can't! That's hot lava!
107
00:04:16,178 --> 00:04:18,717
Whoa. (chuckles)
That was close.
108
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,771
♪
109
00:04:29,539 --> 00:04:30,908
Giggity morning, everyone.
110
00:04:30,975 --> 00:04:33,346
Lois, can I see you
in the other room for a second?
111
00:04:33,413 --> 00:04:35,417
Sure.
All right!
112
00:04:37,855 --> 00:04:40,460
Peter, what would you like
for breakfast?
113
00:04:40,528 --> 00:04:41,930
Chocolate chip pancakes.
114
00:04:41,997 --> 00:04:44,969
Lois, can I see you
in the other room for a second?
115
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:49,879
So... Whew. (chuckles)
116
00:04:49,946 --> 00:04:51,348
Uh, what did you want?
117
00:04:51,415 --> 00:04:53,119
Uh, wawaffles?
Yeah, sure.
118
00:04:53,186 --> 00:04:55,991
Lois, can I see you
in the other room for a second?
119
00:04:58,396 --> 00:05:01,435
I couldn't perform a third time,
so we just read.
120
00:05:07,414 --> 00:05:09,586
Morning, beautiful.
121
00:05:09,652 --> 00:05:11,388
I had the Uber guy
sleep outside,
122
00:05:11,455 --> 00:05:13,392
so he's ready
when you're ready.
123
00:05:17,902 --> 00:05:19,506
♪
124
00:05:19,572 --> 00:05:23,146
But first, a dump so long
I will be able to read
125
00:05:23,212 --> 00:05:25,851
everything Garfield ever wrote.
126
00:05:27,354 --> 00:05:29,926
(giggles) Jon.
127
00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:33,700
Morning, Captain Quagmire.
128
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,272
Hey, did you know
if this plane was a wiener,
129
00:05:36,338 --> 00:05:38,209
we'd be the wiener's eyes?
130
00:05:38,276 --> 00:05:40,313
QUAGMIRE (over P. A.):
Hello, this is your captain speaking
131
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:42,919
from the, uh, cockpit.
(giggles)
132
00:05:42,985 --> 00:05:44,689
COPILOT:
Lot of penis stuff from you today.
133
00:05:44,756 --> 00:05:45,925
QUAGMIRE:
Quiet, you don't talk.
134
00:05:45,991 --> 00:05:48,462
Now please enjoy this inflight
music I brought with me
135
00:05:48,530 --> 00:05:49,999
from my glove compartment.
136
00:05:50,066 --> 00:05:52,070
♪ Ah, well, everybody's
heard about the bird ♪
137
00:05:52,137 --> 00:05:54,976
♪ BBBBird, bird, bird,
bbird's the word. ♪
138
00:06:01,623 --> 00:06:03,594
♪
139
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:10,006
Guess I'll go for my walk
and leave ChiChi all alone!
140
00:06:10,874 --> 00:06:13,446
(Henry Hall's "The Teddy Bears'
Picnic" playing)
141
00:06:16,285 --> 00:06:18,657
♪ If you go down
in the woods today ♪
142
00:06:18,724 --> 00:06:21,495
♪ You're sure of
a big surprise ♪
143
00:06:21,563 --> 00:06:23,834
♪ If you go down
in the woods today ♪
144
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,606
♪ You better go in disguise ♪
145
00:06:26,673 --> 00:06:29,011
♪ For every bear
that ever there was ♪
146
00:06:29,077 --> 00:06:32,083
♪ Will gather there
for certain, because ♪
147
00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:37,127
♪ Today's the day the teddy
bears have their picnic. ♪
148
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:41,936
Wow, how far is it from up here?
149
00:06:46,378 --> 00:06:48,583
♪
150
00:06:54,194 --> 00:06:56,031
(glass shatters)
151
00:06:58,069 --> 00:07:03,012
Goodnight Moon?
Ugh, God, Stewie's so basic.
152
00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:12,030
Oh, my God, he did it.
153
00:07:12,898 --> 00:07:14,802
Oh, no!
I've been out all morning
154
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,207
with lots of witnesses,
and now this!
155
00:07:17,273 --> 00:07:18,710
Chris! Help!
156
00:07:18,777 --> 00:07:20,948
For God's sake, what now?
157
00:07:21,014 --> 00:07:24,421
So, I was out on my walk
with Jane, Ally P., and Ali R.
158
00:07:24,488 --> 00:07:26,492
both got disastrous haircuts
yesterday,
159
00:07:26,559 --> 00:07:28,028
obviously that stays
in this room
160
00:07:28,095 --> 00:07:29,999
and I just came in
and found ChiChi like this!
161
00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:32,237
Stewie,
do you know what day it is?
162
00:07:32,303 --> 00:07:34,509
It's the next Wednesday.
163
00:07:34,575 --> 00:07:37,648
I believe you're aware of
my Wednesday schedule.
164
00:07:37,715 --> 00:07:39,519
First period,
independent study.
165
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:41,422
Oh, so you are.
166
00:07:41,488 --> 00:07:43,527
And do you remember
what I like to do
167
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:46,098
during first period,
independent study?
168
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,601
Sleep.
Sleep!
169
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,539
(chuckles):
Oh, you're a quick study.
170
00:07:49,605 --> 00:07:51,943
(alarm clock blaring)
(bleep)
171
00:07:52,010 --> 00:07:54,414
LOIS:
Chris, your alarm is going off!
172
00:07:54,481 --> 00:07:57,420
I know!
173
00:07:57,487 --> 00:07:59,692
♪
174
00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:12,585
All right, time to murder
Miss Tiggywinkles.
175
00:08:12,651 --> 00:08:15,524
Oh, never been invited
to Doug's before.
176
00:08:15,591 --> 00:08:17,995
Whoa! Chalkboard wall? No way!
177
00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:21,034
The only limitation is
my imagination.
178
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:29,084
So fun!
179
00:08:30,453 --> 00:08:32,490
GIRL:
Stay right here, Miss Tiggywinkles.
180
00:08:32,558 --> 00:08:34,562
Dougie will be home soon
to play.
181
00:08:36,064 --> 00:08:37,066
(door closes)
182
00:08:52,731 --> 00:08:54,134
Beat it, you don't want to see
183
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,338
what I'm about to do
to Miss Tiggywinkles!
184
00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:08,228
Get away from me n...
185
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:12,403
(gasps) Oh, my God!
186
00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:14,909
I can't read!
(door creaking)
187
00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:18,883
(grunts)
Here you go, Miss Tiggywinkles.
188
00:09:20,086 --> 00:09:20,854
(gasps)
189
00:09:20,921 --> 00:09:23,092
Miss Tiggywinkles is a real cat!
190
00:09:23,158 --> 00:09:24,528
(inhales deeply)
191
00:09:24,595 --> 00:09:26,966
You know what? I can do this.
192
00:09:42,096 --> 00:09:43,198
(purring)
193
00:09:43,265 --> 00:09:44,735
I can't do it!
194
00:09:44,802 --> 00:09:46,739
I can't kill a cat!
195
00:09:46,806 --> 00:09:50,212
Unless you were in the movie
musical with Rebel Wilson?
196
00:09:50,279 --> 00:09:52,350
I can't do it!
197
00:09:55,189 --> 00:09:57,594
ANNOUNCER:
We now return to Baywatch.
198
00:09:57,661 --> 00:09:59,230
All right!
199
00:09:59,297 --> 00:10:00,433
There he is,
200
00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:02,871
the reason our lawn looks
like it has leopard skin pants.
201
00:10:02,938 --> 00:10:04,240
What's up with you lately?
202
00:10:04,307 --> 00:10:05,811
You've been acting really weird
all of the sudden.
203
00:10:05,877 --> 00:10:07,948
"All of the sudden," Brian?
204
00:10:08,015 --> 00:10:10,286
I think what you mean is
"all of a sudden."
205
00:10:10,352 --> 00:10:13,158
Ladies and gentlemen,
that's the author in the house.
206
00:10:13,225 --> 00:10:15,496
What's your problem? Why are you
being such a jerk to me?
207
00:10:15,564 --> 00:10:16,799
My problem with you?
208
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:17,901
Let's see, where do I begin?
209
00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:20,306
You accept food,
clothing and shelter,
210
00:10:20,372 --> 00:10:21,876
yet no responsibilities.
211
00:10:21,943 --> 00:10:24,147
You constantly want to sleep
with my wife,
212
00:10:24,214 --> 00:10:25,483
who is an angel.
213
00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:27,019
Oh, and the hypocrisy.
214
00:10:27,086 --> 00:10:29,090
You claim to be an ally
to women,
215
00:10:29,157 --> 00:10:31,763
but I bet you don't even know
Nancy Pelosi's official title.
216
00:10:31,829 --> 00:10:33,900
Sure, I do. She's, uh...
217
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,704
Chuck Schumer's secretary.
218
00:10:35,771 --> 00:10:38,977
Forget it, Brian. Now, can you
strap me to this milking table?
219
00:10:39,043 --> 00:10:41,481
My wife will be home soon.
220
00:10:45,724 --> 00:10:46,993
Stewie Griffin,
221
00:10:47,059 --> 00:10:49,230
do you want to tell me
why you didn't hold up
222
00:10:49,297 --> 00:10:51,602
your end of the bargain
with Miss Tiggywinkles?
223
00:10:51,669 --> 00:10:53,606
Seriously?
Maybe because you failed
224
00:10:53,673 --> 00:10:55,844
to mention she was a real,
living cat.
225
00:10:55,911 --> 00:10:57,581
Hey, I killed your monkey!
226
00:10:57,648 --> 00:10:59,217
Don't you see
how that's different?
227
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,052
We had a deal.
228
00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:03,091
No, I know.
(stammers) But I just...
229
00:11:03,158 --> 00:11:04,360
I d I don't I don't think...
230
00:11:04,427 --> 00:11:07,033
Boy, this is really gonna hurt
your reputation
231
00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:09,605
with my kindergarten friends.
232
00:11:09,672 --> 00:11:11,441
You have kindergarten friends?
233
00:11:11,509 --> 00:11:12,678
(chuckles):
Oh, yeah.
234
00:11:12,744 --> 00:11:15,382
I let them throw pinecones at me
all the time.
235
00:11:15,449 --> 00:11:18,857
But now I'm gonna have to
tell them you welshed on me.
236
00:11:18,923 --> 00:11:22,330
(sucks teeth)
Kindergartners hate welshers.
237
00:11:22,396 --> 00:11:23,967
Kindergartners, eh?
238
00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:25,871
You know what? I'll do it.
239
00:11:25,937 --> 00:11:27,006
Good choice, Stewie.
240
00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:28,877
Hey,
mmaybe after all this is done,
241
00:11:28,943 --> 00:11:31,883
II could get kindergartners
throwing pinecones at me?
242
00:11:31,949 --> 00:11:33,987
(chuckles):
Whoa, slow down, champ.
243
00:11:34,053 --> 00:11:36,458
They start you
at driveway pebbles.
244
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:43,506
Ah, Brian, just the man
I was hoping to see.
245
00:11:43,573 --> 00:11:45,042
You don't like cats, do you?
246
00:11:45,109 --> 00:11:46,913
I hate 'em.
Sit.
247
00:11:48,716 --> 00:11:51,187
Three of Lois'
sweaty jogging bras.
248
00:11:51,254 --> 00:11:53,526
Have I really been
that good of a boy?
249
00:11:53,593 --> 00:11:55,329
Depends. I got a cat problem.
250
00:11:55,396 --> 00:11:57,066
You get rid of my cat,
this is all yours.
251
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,404
Done.
Go ahead, boy.
252
00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:01,776
(sniffing)
253
00:12:01,842 --> 00:12:03,746
Oh, yeah!
254
00:12:03,813 --> 00:12:06,519
She ran fast
because Bonnie was watching.
255
00:12:10,359 --> 00:12:12,898
What happened to you?
I'm not really sure.
256
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:15,436
I was in line at the bank,
and this humansized chicken
257
00:12:15,503 --> 00:12:16,739
cut in front of me.
258
00:12:16,806 --> 00:12:18,375
Well,
I wasn't gonna let that stand.
259
00:12:18,442 --> 00:12:19,545
I had a weird day, too.
260
00:12:19,611 --> 00:12:20,981
I asked, like, seven people
261
00:12:21,047 --> 00:12:23,085
if they were gonna watch
the SpaceX launch.
262
00:12:23,151 --> 00:12:24,755
And II don't even know
what that is.
263
00:12:24,822 --> 00:12:26,993
Hey, you two are both
acting very strange,
264
00:12:27,059 --> 00:12:28,863
and I think I know what it is.
265
00:12:28,930 --> 00:12:32,069
He's wearing your underwear,
and you're wearing his.
266
00:12:32,136 --> 00:12:33,005
How do you know that?
267
00:12:33,071 --> 00:12:34,842
Well, you know,
when some people go blind
268
00:12:34,908 --> 00:12:36,411
their other senses
are heightened.
269
00:12:36,478 --> 00:12:39,585
When I lost my legs,
I gained a sense of underpants.
270
00:12:39,651 --> 00:12:42,023
What are you talking about?
We didn't switch underwear.
271
00:12:42,089 --> 00:12:43,793
Are you sure about that?
Stand up
272
00:12:43,860 --> 00:12:45,764
and let Jojo flip your taggies.
273
00:12:45,830 --> 00:12:48,101
Turn around. Butttobutt.
274
00:12:50,406 --> 00:12:52,176
Hanes.
275
00:12:52,243 --> 00:12:53,846
Planes.
276
00:12:53,913 --> 00:12:55,683
(laughing)
277
00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:56,986
Whoo!
278
00:12:57,053 --> 00:12:58,255
What the hell?
279
00:12:58,321 --> 00:12:59,725
We must've accidentally
grabbed the wrong ones
280
00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:00,794
at the laundromat.
281
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,365
Oh, so your boys were
282
00:13:03,432 --> 00:13:04,768
where his boys were.
283
00:13:04,835 --> 00:13:07,339
And your boys were
where his boys were.
284
00:13:08,375 --> 00:13:10,847
BOTH:
Oh, my God!
285
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:12,651
Hey, what are you guys
talking about?
286
00:13:12,717 --> 00:13:14,655
Peter and Quagmire
exchanged underwear.
287
00:13:14,721 --> 00:13:16,191
Ha! Classic!
288
00:13:16,257 --> 00:13:17,961
Me, I don't wear underwear.
289
00:13:18,028 --> 00:13:20,165
I just wear trunks.
290
00:13:20,232 --> 00:13:21,367
Tree guy.
291
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,205
That'll hit you
when you're driving home.
292
00:13:24,006 --> 00:13:26,111
Hey, look at this table.
What are you guys talking about?
293
00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:36,431
Oh, hey, II, uh...
294
00:13:36,498 --> 00:13:38,736
I didn't I didn't know
you take out trash, too.
295
00:13:38,803 --> 00:13:41,307
Yeah, II, uh...
Only on trash days.
296
00:13:41,374 --> 00:13:43,546
No, right, of course.
Yeah, no, no, I'm sorry. II...
297
00:13:43,613 --> 00:13:45,082
(kicks ground)
(sighs)
298
00:13:45,149 --> 00:13:46,685
(chuckles):
I'm not sure what to say.
299
00:13:46,752 --> 00:13:48,321
(chuckles)
I know. It's awkward.
300
00:13:48,388 --> 00:13:50,259
I thought things would go
back to normal
301
00:13:50,325 --> 00:13:52,329
after we traded underwear
yesterday.
302
00:13:52,396 --> 00:13:54,400
(playing "Taps")
303
00:14:08,361 --> 00:14:10,567
I'm gonna have Lois cancel
our dinner plans
304
00:14:10,633 --> 00:14:11,869
with you and Ida tomorrow.
305
00:14:11,936 --> 00:14:13,371
II think it's too soon.
306
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:15,977
Hey, you don't think the guys
are talking about us, do you?
307
00:14:16,044 --> 00:14:17,346
Oh, I don't think so.
308
00:14:17,413 --> 00:14:18,616
Oh, my God.
309
00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,820
I still can't believe they wore
each other's underwear.
310
00:14:20,887 --> 00:14:22,624
Like, can you imagine?
311
00:14:22,691 --> 00:14:23,826
I know, right?
312
00:14:23,893 --> 00:14:25,563
Like, icky times a thousand.
313
00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:26,966
Hey, this is crazy,
314
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,838
but what if we wore
each other's underwear,
315
00:14:29,905 --> 00:14:31,508
just for a joke?
What?
316
00:14:31,575 --> 00:14:33,111
No, that's a terrible idea.
317
00:14:33,178 --> 00:14:34,748
Yeah, justjust joking.
318
00:14:34,815 --> 00:14:36,384
So stupid!
319
00:14:36,451 --> 00:14:38,388
Can I be done now?
320
00:14:43,599 --> 00:14:44,400
(door creaks)
321
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,772
Okay, you go in there,
kill Miss T,
322
00:14:46,839 --> 00:14:48,041
and we'll sneak out the back.
323
00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:49,310
You need a weapon or anything?
324
00:14:49,377 --> 00:14:52,149
She's a cat, I'm a dog.
I'm good.
325
00:14:53,886 --> 00:14:56,759
(Brian barking)
(rattling) (Miss Tiggywinkles snarls)
326
00:14:56,825 --> 00:14:59,030
(Brian growling)
327
00:15:01,769 --> 00:15:03,606
(rattling stops)
(Brian growls) (Miss Tiggywinkles meows)
328
00:15:04,608 --> 00:15:05,710
(loud meow)
329
00:15:07,346 --> 00:15:08,983
It went poorly.
330
00:15:12,857 --> 00:15:15,262
Thanks again for having us over,
Lois.
331
00:15:15,329 --> 00:15:18,101
Zesty Italian?
Oh, II just couldn't.
332
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:19,571
Not this close to bedtime.
333
00:15:19,638 --> 00:15:21,542
(whispers):
You said you were gonna cancel dinner.
334
00:15:21,608 --> 00:15:24,280
(whispers):
I have zero control in my marriage.
335
00:15:27,152 --> 00:15:28,889
Whoops. (chuckles)
I dropped my roll,
336
00:15:28,956 --> 00:15:30,526
which is not at all
an invitation for Peter
337
00:15:30,593 --> 00:15:32,564
to have
an underthetable conference.
338
00:15:41,414 --> 00:15:43,886
Ha! Darn thing's
always coming off.
339
00:15:43,953 --> 00:15:45,623
Excuse me for one moment,
won't you?
340
00:15:48,495 --> 00:15:50,600
Why did you do that?
You dropped all the bread.
341
00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:53,037
What was I supposed to do?
Okay, that makes sense.
342
00:15:53,104 --> 00:15:55,910
So, I went to
the underwear doctor and...
343
00:15:55,977 --> 00:15:57,479
you should probably get checked.
344
00:15:57,547 --> 00:15:59,216
They say when you wear
someone's underwear,
345
00:15:59,283 --> 00:16:00,620
you're also wearing
the underwear
346
00:16:00,686 --> 00:16:02,524
of everyone whose underwear
they've worn.
347
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:03,926
I can't believe this!
348
00:16:03,993 --> 00:16:06,565
I thought I knew you,
Glenn Quagmire!
349
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:12,309
(chuckles) Here I go again,
filling up on ears.
350
00:16:12,376 --> 00:16:13,813
What's going on here, you two?
351
00:16:13,879 --> 00:16:15,248
You're being very rude.
352
00:16:15,315 --> 00:16:17,954
Lois spent all day overcooking
this meal.
353
00:16:18,021 --> 00:16:20,726
We accidentally wore
each other's underwear.
354
00:16:21,762 --> 00:16:24,099
(laughing)
355
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:26,672
I can't believe you wore
each other's undies!
356
00:16:26,738 --> 00:16:29,443
(laughs)
This is hysterical!
357
00:16:29,511 --> 00:16:31,047
(banging on wall)
CHRIS: Shut! Up!
358
00:16:31,113 --> 00:16:32,851
Oh, it's not even Wednesday!
359
00:16:32,917 --> 00:16:34,588
CHRIS:
It's Tuesday night!
360
00:16:34,654 --> 00:16:35,957
That's part of it!
361
00:16:36,023 --> 00:16:37,459
Guys, this isn't funny!
362
00:16:37,527 --> 00:16:39,965
Relax, Peter. It's no big deal.
363
00:16:40,031 --> 00:16:41,067
You don't get it!
364
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,971
Oh, quit being so dramatic.
365
00:16:43,037 --> 00:16:45,108
Ladies switch underwear
all the time.
366
00:16:45,175 --> 00:16:46,745
I might be wearing Bonnie's
right now.
367
00:16:46,812 --> 00:16:48,081
I don't even remember.
368
00:16:48,147 --> 00:16:50,887
While that is super sexy
and being stored for later,
369
00:16:50,953 --> 00:16:52,524
it's very different for guys.
370
00:16:52,590 --> 00:16:54,393
That's not true,
male friends can be
371
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:55,663
more intimate
than they used to.
372
00:16:55,730 --> 00:16:57,466
BOTH: Nope!
And the lines of sexuality are
373
00:16:57,534 --> 00:16:59,003
more fluid than ever.
BOTH: Nope!
374
00:16:59,069 --> 00:17:00,806
And people aren't so quick
to judge or label.
375
00:17:00,873 --> 00:17:04,346
Please stop.
Masculinity just doesn't account for stuff like this.
376
00:17:04,413 --> 00:17:06,652
Look,
guys can share laughs and beers,
377
00:17:06,718 --> 00:17:09,624
but we don't share feelings,
emotions, or underwear.
378
00:17:09,691 --> 00:17:12,429
Between male friends, there's
no coming back from this.
379
00:17:12,496 --> 00:17:15,870
He's right. I'm afraid our
relationship is on the skids.
380
00:17:15,937 --> 00:17:17,406
Maybe there's hope
for the future,
381
00:17:17,472 --> 00:17:18,809
but things now are too spotty.
382
00:17:18,876 --> 00:17:20,746
I just don't know if there's
any fronttoback to this.
383
00:17:20,813 --> 00:17:22,382
Our reputations are smeared.
384
00:17:22,449 --> 00:17:24,621
If I wasn't so yellow,
maybe I'd push harder.
385
00:17:24,688 --> 00:17:28,261
But, hey, we had
a really good streak, huh?
386
00:17:33,872 --> 00:17:35,710
What's going on out there, Dad?
387
00:17:35,776 --> 00:17:37,780
We accidentally wore
each other's underwear,
388
00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:39,584
so Mr. Quagmire is moving.
389
00:17:39,651 --> 00:17:40,620
Oh, wow.
390
00:17:40,686 --> 00:17:42,890
Yeah, obviously one of you
would need to.
391
00:17:42,957 --> 00:17:45,228
Peter,
this is completely ridiculous.
392
00:17:45,295 --> 00:17:47,366
Babe. What's done is done.
393
00:17:47,432 --> 00:17:49,103
Look, I don't have
a lot of friends,
394
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,007
it's kind of a problem
on the show.
395
00:17:51,073 --> 00:17:54,380
But if I did, I would never
let anything come between us,
396
00:17:54,446 --> 00:17:56,818
especially a pair of underwear.
397
00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:01,995
You know what, Lois?
You're right.
398
00:18:02,062 --> 00:18:04,266
Now go tell him not to move.
399
00:18:08,408 --> 00:18:10,412
♪
400
00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:27,814
♪
401
00:18:43,612 --> 00:18:44,948
Quagmire,
402
00:18:45,014 --> 00:18:47,486
I just want to say that you can
wreck a good pair of underwear,
403
00:18:47,553 --> 00:18:49,824
but you can't wreck
a good friendship.
404
00:18:49,891 --> 00:18:51,293
That's nice, Peter.
405
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,197
Underwear should never come
between two friends.
406
00:18:53,264 --> 00:18:54,567
Well, it kind of should.
407
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,470
(chuckles):
Yeah, yeah. It kind of should, yeah.
408
00:18:56,538 --> 00:18:58,407
Will you help me move my stuff
back inside?
409
00:18:58,474 --> 00:19:00,111
Only if I can do it half naked
410
00:19:00,178 --> 00:19:01,413
and in front of
all our neighbors.
411
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,552
Not my first choice, but okay.
412
00:19:08,595 --> 00:19:10,566
♪
413
00:19:25,996 --> 00:19:27,834
Miss Tiggywinkles, wake up!
414
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,236
You've got to get out of here!
415
00:19:32,075 --> 00:19:34,413
Oh, my God, you're dead!
416
00:19:34,479 --> 00:19:37,385
(camera shutter clicks)
Well, what do we have here?
417
00:19:37,452 --> 00:19:40,158
Stewie Griffin, cat murderer?
418
00:19:40,225 --> 00:19:41,995
What? You psycho!
419
00:19:42,062 --> 00:19:43,264
You killed her?
420
00:19:43,331 --> 00:19:46,303
Maybe I did, maybe she died
of natural causes.
421
00:19:46,370 --> 00:19:47,673
The only thing that matters is
422
00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:50,411
that now I have
the goods on you.
423
00:19:52,182 --> 00:19:55,021
Oh, that's a terrible photo.
Would you mind doing it again?
424
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:02,335
(shutter clicks)
425
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,872
Aw, yeah. That's cute.
426
00:20:03,939 --> 00:20:05,341
Can you send me that?
No.
427
00:20:06,143 --> 00:20:07,412
Give me that picture!
428
00:20:07,479 --> 00:20:08,949
Hey, Doug.
Sorry about your kitty.
429
00:20:09,016 --> 00:20:12,155
I guess the pet store didn't
have a men's department, huh?
430
00:20:12,222 --> 00:20:14,928
Uh, well, I tried to get a...
431
00:20:14,994 --> 00:20:16,297
(snores then groans)
432
00:20:16,363 --> 00:20:17,967
Hey, I don't want to be
too tired to drive home.
433
00:20:18,034 --> 00:20:19,236
Does this story have an ending?
434
00:20:19,303 --> 00:20:20,839
Later, losers!
435
00:20:20,906 --> 00:20:22,309
I'm five!
436
00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:23,411
(horn honks)
437
00:20:23,477 --> 00:20:25,381
Who is that?
That's Tyler.
438
00:20:25,448 --> 00:20:27,620
He's, uh, kind of my Doug.
439
00:20:27,687 --> 00:20:29,289
Boy, we all get a Doug, huh?
440
00:20:29,356 --> 00:20:31,828
Yeah, Tyler's Doug is
a drunk stepdad.
441
00:20:31,895 --> 00:20:33,799
Yikes.
Yeah.
442
00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:42,115
Well, I'm glad everyone's back
in their regular underwear
443
00:20:42,182 --> 00:20:43,919
and everything's
back to normal.
444
00:20:43,986 --> 00:20:44,921
Me, too.
445
00:20:44,988 --> 00:20:47,125
And thank you for cleaning
the milking table.
446
00:20:47,192 --> 00:20:48,962
Well, we had quite a week
as well.
447
00:20:49,029 --> 00:20:50,198
We sure did.
448
00:20:50,264 --> 00:20:51,668
I mean, you got your ass kicked
by a cat.
449
00:20:51,735 --> 00:20:54,674
Well, it was really more
of a draw. Yeah, whatever.
450
00:20:54,741 --> 00:20:57,078
Hey, you want to end the show
with a "To Be Continued" meme?"
451
00:20:57,145 --> 00:20:58,548
II don't even know
what that...
452
00:20:58,615 --> 00:21:00,051
(bazooka clicks)
(loud boom)
453
00:21:03,825 --> 00:21:05,829
♪
454
00:21:05,879 --> 00:21:10,429
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