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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,313
KID CAPRI: Straight
outta New York City,
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00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:12,617
it's the Russell Simmons'
Def Comedy All-Star Jam!
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00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:39,387
Please welcome
to the stage,
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00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:42,430
Ricky Harris!
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00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:09,586
I'm from the old school.
I ain't gonna be doin' all that flippin' and shit.
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00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,032
I'm like, I be tryin'
not to sweat.
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00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,076
I be tryin' to be cool
and shit. Yeah.
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00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:24,001
[CHUCKLES]
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How y'all doin'?
Y'all a'ight?
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AUDIENCE: Yeah!
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00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:27,958
A'ight?
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00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,260
AUDIENCE: A'ight!
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00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:32,136
See, that's some
New York shit.
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00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,049
And white people
get scared when you do that shit.
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00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,234
I like to do that shit
with just a whole bunch of brothas and sistas.
17
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,920
Be like, "A'ight."
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00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:42,411
White people be
like, "Oh shit.
19
00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:45,630
"There they go. First
the Million Man March, now, 'All right.'"
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00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:48,803
I'd like to
say hi, Becky!
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00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:54,113
Sittin' over there
lookin' like the Doublemint twins.
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00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,554
Here's some shit
for y'all. Here's a dance for y'all.
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00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:11,130
I love New York man,
that's real.
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00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:14,794
I like comin' out here
'cause you can get shit on the streets for free.
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00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:15,920
Damn near.
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00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:17,831
I bought a
Rolex for $30
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00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,746
I talked that
motherfucker down, boy.
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00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:24,363
This motherfucker
came, "Bruh, bruh...
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00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,575
"I got this Rolex
for you for $17,000
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00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,024
"I give it to
you for 45."
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00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:32,152
I said, "I give yo' ass 30."
"You got a deal, man."
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00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:35,811
I love coming
out here.
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00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,641
It be colder than
a motherfucker, though.
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00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:40,119
I was kinda, like,
disappointed, though. You know...
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00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,160
Recently,
'cause of O.J.
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00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,685
That whole shit
just got me like...
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00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:47,078
I'm still kinda
frustrated about the whole thing.
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00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,603
I'm glad he got
off, you know, don't get me wrong.
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00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,037
The brotha, you know,
black man.
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00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:56,833
But I wanted
him to be at the Million Man March!
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00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:59,572
Say some shit,
you know.
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00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,054
I wanted him
to be up there,
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00:03:01,093 --> 00:03:03,443
"Thank...
Thank y'all."
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00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:06,527
'Cause you know, black
people, we were ready to tear up some shit.
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00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,617
"Hey, let O.J.
don't get off."
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00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:15,669
"I bet after I eat
this motherfuckin' rib,
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00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,547
"if he don't get off,
that's gonna be somebody ass."
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00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:20,333
[HARRIS LAUGHING]
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00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:23,204
What got him off
though, is that Johnny Cochran.
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00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:24,676
That's a bad
motherfucker.
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00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,377
That's who I want
defending me if I ever have to fuck somebody up.
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00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:34,041
I want Johnny
Cochran in my corner.
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00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,223
He was like
a magician.
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00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:39,039
That motherfucker
said, "I'm... I'm gonna put on this hat."
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00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:45,704
"Now, who am I
when I put this hat on?"
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00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,103
"I'm Johnny Cochran
with a hat on.
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"Nothin' up
my sleeves."
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00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,235
He was
funny, man.
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00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,150
Shit, O.J. was
lookin' like,
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00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:00,495
"Shit, I told you
I didn't do that shit. Go on, Johnny!"
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00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:03,982
Johnny started sayin'
them little words,
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00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,896
"Beware of devils
of deception."
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00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:18,907
"If it don't fit you
must... Acquit."
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00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,486
They weren't ready
for that shit.
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00:04:28,529 --> 00:04:31,489
I just think the
whole judicial system needs to be changed
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00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:33,322
any damn way.
They need to do somethin'.
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00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,320
It's fucked up.
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00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,972
We know that.
You know what I'm sayin'.
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00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:39,755
Now they...
"Really, it's fucked up?"
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00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:42,331
It's been fucked up
for hundreds and hundreds of years.
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00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,979
It's been fucked up.
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00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,812
You know, any time,
you know, when my man was out here.
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00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:48,460
He was a brotha.
He shot nineteen white people.
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He forgot.
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00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:52,254
Remember Colin
Ferguson ass?
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00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,472
Motherfucker
shot all of them motherfuckers,
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then he tried to
defend himself.
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00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,335
Now, you know the
system is fucked up
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00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:04,128
if they let a
motherfucker defend himself.
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00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:06,523
When five hundred
motherfuckers say it was him.
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00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,831
He got up
there tryin'... "Hold on, hold on."
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,317
Wait, wait,
wait...
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00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:19,492
"Okay,
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00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,802
"when you got
shot in yo' back,
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00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:26,893
"what did you do?"
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00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:29,495
"Motherfucker, I fell
and watched you shoot somebody else."
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00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:32,506
"Objection!
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00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,418
"Nah, nah,
I can't get no fair trial here.
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00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:40,116
"I'm objectin' to
that shit right there, that's bullshit."
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00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,375
"'Cause, how'd you
know you got shot in the back
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00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:43,038
"when you got
shot in the back?
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00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:45,001
"You don't got eyes
in the back of your head, do you?
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00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,910
"Now, that's what
I'm talkin' about!"
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00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:50,566
Uh, funny though,
was when he wanted to hold the gun.
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00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:54,088
They brought
the gun in there.
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00:05:54,136 --> 00:05:55,696
This motherfucker
said, "Well, let me hold the gun.
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00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,790
"No, no, let me hold
the motherfuckin' gun!"
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00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:01,667
"Hell no, nigga,
we know you got some clips
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00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:04,189
"in that motherfucker...
In your pocket somewhere."
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00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,543
I was like...
"What the hell is goin' on?"
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00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:07,762
The whole judicial
system is fucked up.
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00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,502
You know, they need
to rearrange that shit.
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00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:12,373
Motherfuckers
goin' to jail for traffic tickets.
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00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,065
In jail for
four years.
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00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:17,462
"What you in here for, dog?"
"Man, ran that stop sign.
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00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:20,247
"Motherfucker just
got me in here for four motherfuckin' years."
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00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:21,992
And, you know,
I hate people that are in jail.
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00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:24,513
You know, 'cause
they call yo' ass collect.
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00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,947
Motherfucker
call you collect,
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00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,646
and be askin' you
stupid shit like,
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00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:31,913
"So, uh... What's
been happenin'?"
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00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:36,350
"Same old shit,
the world is just turning."
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00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:41,313
"So you goin'
out tonight?"
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00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:44,447
"Motherfucker, why?
You can't go!
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00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,751
"I mean, you done
forgot where the fuck you at?"
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00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,886
I was mad as a
motherfucker, man.
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00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:53,723
But I've been
havin' much fun.
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00:06:53,761 --> 00:06:55,891
Y'all lookin' good
than a motherfucker. I ain't lyin'.
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00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,627
The Def Jam crowd
is in this motherfucker, you know what I'm saying?
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00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:04,694
What is wrong with
these motherfuckin' rappers now?
122
00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:08,855
Everybody is just,
"You motherfucker!"
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Like, what
the hell?
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00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:20,735
I think rappers
just need to come real with their shit.
125
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:23,138
They don't be
havin' like, realistic lyrics.
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00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:24,921
Some of 'em.
They need to put on they album,
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00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,916
"This is just
entertainment."
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00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,878
You know, 'cause
some of them be havin' them lyrics, you know,
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00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,886
they be talkin' about,
"Yeah, I was rollin' down the street.
130
00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:33,888
"I said, 'Fuck it,'
I saw this bitch, bam, I shot that ho.
131
00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:36,111
"And I dipped over
there, bam, shot that motherfucker.
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00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:38,501
"Dipped over there,
bam, bam, bam, shot three more motherfuckas'.
133
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,325
"I won't
give a fuck.
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00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:41,502
[MACHINE GUN SOUNDS]
"Shot a whole gang of niggas,
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00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:42,588
"'Cause I wouldn't
give a fuck,
136
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:44,806
"then I dipped
back to the crib."
137
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:50,174
And that's right where
the police gonna come get yo' ass at.
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00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:52,168
Right at the crib,
motherfucker.
139
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,300
Make this shit
real, reality.
140
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:59,695
And at the end
of all the songs, "Keep it real!"
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00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,530
Motherfucker,
that was real?
142
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,619
Motherfucker think,
"I'm tryin' to make some motherfuckin' money."
143
00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:07,269
But we ready to
do this shit.
144
00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:08,972
Y'all ready to
do this shit? I'm pumped up.
145
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:11,140
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
146
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,316
If y'all ready to
do this, let me hear you say, "Yeah!"
147
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:16,022
AUDIENCE: Yeah!All right, dig.
148
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,110
Comin' from
Toledo, Ohio,
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00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:19,719
y'all put your
hands together
150
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,410
for the comedy styles of
Mr. Darrell Banks, y'all.
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00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:23,458
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
152
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,254
New York,
New York!
153
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,300
Black women out
here actin' the fool,
154
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,820
just playin'
games on brothas. Playin' games.
155
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,645
Brothas you know
the kind of sistas I'm talkin' about.
156
00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:41,913
These are the same
sistas you see sittin' in the club,
157
00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:43,386
drinkin' a bottle
of water.
158
00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:44,995
And soon as yo'
black ass come along,
159
00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:46,826
they become
top shelf hos.
160
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:49,014
"I want some Martel.
161
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,620
"I want some
Courvoisier or somethin'."
162
00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:55,101
I was in the club
two weeks ago, lookin' halfway decent.
163
00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:58,023
Couldn't do a damn
thing with my hair.
164
00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:00,629
Saw this fine sista,
"Yo baby, let me get your phone number."
165
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,720
"Uh-uh, you got
to buy me a couple of Martels or something."
166
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,280
So I got the number.
Called her on the phone the next day,
167
00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,458
her line
busy as hell.
168
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,774
I called her
for the next three days.
169
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:13,861
Line still
busy as hell.
170
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,251
Come to find out
she done gave me
171
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,643
my own motherfuckin'
phone number.
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00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:19,987
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]Playin' games!
173
00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:22,467
Just playin'!
Perpetratin'!
174
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:25,605
Perpetratin'!
175
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:27,312
And white people.
They actin' fools.
176
00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:29,309
They actin'
a goddamn fool.
177
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,051
I'm driving down the
street two weeks ago
178
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:32,702
and the motherfuckin'
police gonna stop me.
179
00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,786
And you know how
it is when a nigga got a warrant on him.
180
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:37,445
You get scared,
you gotta change your name and shit.
181
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:40,059
Change your social
security card. All that shit.
182
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:41,841
Police gonna stop
me, talkin' about, "What's yo' name?"
183
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:44,055
I said, "George Washington."
184
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:45,795
He said, "Show me
two pieces of ID."
185
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:48,586
I gave him a dollar
and a quarter.
186
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,241
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
187
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:52,805
You goddamn right!
188
00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,903
Fucked me
the fuck up, man!
189
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,640
Fucked me up.
190
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:02,338
It's just crazier
than a motherfucker out here now, man.
191
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:03,954
And I got
kids, man.
192
00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:05,874
I got four
beautiful kids.
193
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:08,519
And I'm glad
to know that I'm my kids' role model.
194
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:11,054
I'm my kids' idol.
Not Michael Jordan,
195
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,698
not Shaquille O'Neal,
but me. That's right.
196
00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,183
My oldest son and
two of his buddies
197
00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:19,234
was outside the other day,
braggin' their asses off.
198
00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:21,060
Braggin' about
their daddies.
199
00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:22,618
I didn't know kids
still bragged about their daddies.
200
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,445
First little boy said,
"My daddy can ride
201
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:27,243
"a bicycle up a
hill with no hands."
202
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:29,538
Second little
boy said, "That ain't shit!
203
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:34,065
"My daddy can ride
a bicycle backwards up a hill with no hands."
204
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:37,771
And then my son
spoke, and it made me feel good.
205
00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:41,161
Just, ooh. He said,
"My daddy can eat a light bulb."
206
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:44,075
They said, "What?"
He said, "My daddy can eat a light bulb."
207
00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:45,951
Said, "Yo' daddy
can't eat no damn light bulb."
208
00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:48,083
"Yes he can, I heard
him tell mama to cut out the light,
209
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,865
"and he'll eat it."
210
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:51,780
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]Goddamn right.
211
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,475
You damn right.
212
00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:59,404
That's right.
213
00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,401
Just crazy shit
goin' on.
214
00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:03,793
Just wild and crazier
than a motherfucker.
215
00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:05,747
And black women.
216
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:07,925
Let me tell y'all
something, how y'all doin', black women?
217
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,021
How y'all doing?[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
218
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,980
Y'all lookin' gooder
than a motherfucker up in this bitch tonight.
219
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:14,409
Hey girl,
how you doin'?
220
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:15,936
Lookin' all
good and shit.
221
00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:17,759
Black women, just
quit buyin' titties!
222
00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,417
Quit buying 'em.
223
00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,681
Let the white girls
buy that shit.
224
00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:23,293
Leave them
titties alone!
225
00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,084
Two weeks ago
I was in Miami, Florida.
226
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,689
I saw two sistas.
One sista had real big titties.
227
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,250
Look like
watermelons.
228
00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:31,817
Her girlfriend had real
little bitty titties.
229
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:33,605
Look like lemons.
230
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:34,999
She said, "Girl,
how you get yo' titties so big?"
231
00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,912
She said, "I went
to go see Dr. Johnson.
232
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:39,307
"Dr. Johnson
hooked me up."
233
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:40,960
So she went to go
see Dr. Johnson.
234
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,794
Dr. Johnson said,
"All you got to do is say,
235
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:46,662
"Mary had a little
lamb. Its fleece was white as snow.
236
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,396
"And everywhere
that Mary went.
237
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,446
"The lamb was
sure to go."
238
00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:53,452
And sure enough,
she noticed a change.
239
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:57,185
After two weeks,
her titties went from lemons to grapefruits.
240
00:11:57,238 --> 00:12:00,758
But she wasn't satisfied.
She wanted watermelons.
241
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,677
So she was on
the bus one day lookin' around.
242
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,722
She said, "Damn,
I can get some time in."
243
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,727
She said, "Mary
had a little lamb.
244
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,679
"Its fleece was
white as snow.
245
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,508
"And everywhere
that Mary went,
246
00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:12,035
"the lamb was
sure to go."
247
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:13,429
And a guy stood
up and said,
248
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:16,391
"You go to Dr. Johnson,
don't ya?"
249
00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:18,001
She said,
"How you know?"
250
00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:21,391
He said, "Hickory,
dickory, dock."
251
00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:22,696
Peace, my
name is Darrell.
252
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,092
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
253
00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:37,283
[LAUGHS]
254
00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:47,977
Hold on, I know
we rollin', but hold on. Shit.
255
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,808
That nigga said,
"Hickory, dickory..."
256
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,117
There's gonna be
a whole lot a motherfuckers,
257
00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:54,472
"Hickory, dickory,
dock. Hickory...
258
00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:56,302
"Hickory dick...
How this shit go, man?
259
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:58,470
"How this shit go?
Hickory dick... What? What is it?"
260
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:01,783
Hey, yo, before
I continue too,
261
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:04,914
let's give it up
for my nigga, Kid Capri.
262
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,258
You know what
I'm sayin'?
263
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:08,047
My mistake, Kid.
You know. You know.
264
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:09,791
You know I love
you, nigga.
265
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:11,402
HARRIS: You know.
You know I love you.
266
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,622
Kid, you know
I love you, man!
267
00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:15,532
That motherfucker
is the only motherfucker I know
268
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:17,927
that just be like in
love with records.
269
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,841
"Man, I love
these records."
270
00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:25,632
That motherfucker,
"I got all of 'em. Look."
271
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:30,854
Motherfucker,
wake up!
272
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,507
[IMITATING DISK SKIP]
"Get up, y'all."
273
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:38,914
Motherfucker
is original.
274
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,378
He like the original
motherfucker.
275
00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,818
He like...
This nigga...
276
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:46,035
This nigga is what
hip-hop is all about. That nigga, right there.
277
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,825
I mean it's a
lotta niggas like that.
278
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:52,792
But this nigga
lives and eats hip-hop.
279
00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:55,695
A'ight, dig this.
280
00:13:55,747 --> 00:13:59,187
Comin' from
New York, y'all. New York, New York.
281
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:01,619
Y'all put your
hands together right now
282
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,146
for the Most Brothers.
283
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,110
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
284
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,293
All right, how
y'all doin'?
285
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,462
Wassup, wassup,
wassup?
286
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:17,857
All right,
New York in the house.
287
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,250
You know the deal,
they in the house.
288
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,863
Yeah, man from
lookin' around,
289
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,863
we got some
good lookin' people out here.
290
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,165
Aw, shucks nigga.We even got some white
girls in the house.
291
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,951
Oh, Becky and
the girls, yeah. Yeah baby.
292
00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:28,386
MOST BROTHER 1:
I'm lookin' at this one over here.
293
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:30,172
She... She blacker
than me. I'm jealous.
294
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:31,567
MOST BROTHER 2:
Oh, look at the tan on her, damn!
295
00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:33,309
MOST BROTHER 1:
Can I ask you a question?
296
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:34,530
MOST BROTHER 2:
Go ahead and ask. Go ahead, man.
297
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:35,829
Yeah, yeah,
yeah.Yeah, yeah,
298
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,005
do you have any
black in you?Ooh!
299
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,750
BOTH: No shit,
you want some?
300
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:42,658
MOST BROTHER 1:
Fair enough.
301
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:43,707
MOST BROTHER 2:
Yeah.
302
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,631
Crazy the things
goin' on, crazy...
303
00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:54,935
Yo, look, look
who's here.
304
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,501
Wassup, wassup?Yo, wassup
man?
305
00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,107
What's your
name man?
306
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,678
BOTH: Who?
307
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:02,084
MOST BROTHER 1:
Pat? Pat?[WHISPERING]
308
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,598
[BOTH FAKE WHISPERING]
309
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,469
Yo, yo, yo, Pat.
You remember us?
310
00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,256
MOST BROTHER 1:
You remember us, man?
311
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,390
MOST BROTHER 2:
You don't remember us?You lyin', man.
312
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,392
Hold on...[CLEARS THROAT]
313
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:38,334
You remember
us now, honey?
314
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:41,774
I know he's
in the closet.
315
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:43,070
Pat's in
the closet.Yeah, honey.
316
00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:44,596
Well, how
could you tell?
317
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,119
'Cause I can smell
the mothballs from here, honey.
318
00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:47,512
Ooh! Shit.
319
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,951
Excuse me, Pat?Patty.
320
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,523
Are those Bugle Boy
jeans you're wearing?
321
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,351
Those ain't Bugle Boys.
Those are Guess jeans.
322
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,649
Well, guess who
gettin' that ass tonight, honey?
323
00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:58,224
Ooh shit!Yeah, honey.
324
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,399
Yeah...Yeah.
325
00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:05,701
Yeah, we just
bullshittin' y'all.
326
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:07,397
Don't even
take that shit seriously.
327
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,324
Yeah, don't even
think about that shit. Hell no.
328
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:11,139
That is
bullshit!Shit.
329
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,147
Yeah, man.
330
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:16,280
But a lot of
wild things happen.
331
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,113
Ladies and gentlemen,
my friend, your friend, everybody's friend.
332
00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:19,891
Mr. Red Foxx,
give him a hand, Redd Foxx.
333
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:20,935
Well, thank you.
334
00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:29,077
[IMITATING RED FOXX]
It's now... It's now twelve midnight.
335
00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:32,727
Did you wash
yo' ass today?
336
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:36,688
Redd Foxx. Right now
I'd like to bring to the stage
337
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:39,264
the funniest man
in the world that gets no respect.
338
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,702
The one and only
black Rodney Dangerfield.
339
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,479
Rodney Dangerfield.
Give him a hand y'all. Rodney!
340
00:16:43,524 --> 00:16:46,484
MOST BROTHER 2:
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
341
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,437
Yo, dude
what's up, man?
342
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:49,915
What the fuck you
doin' bringin' out Rodney and shit, man?
343
00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,655
Look, look
just do the shit.Tell me...
344
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:53,356
Where you goin', man?I'm goin' to
the bathroom.
345
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:54,403
I gotta piss
worse than a dead man need a box.
346
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:56,578
Do some
fuckin' time.
347
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:57,934
Yo, yo, you got me lookin'
like a dick up here. You know that, right?
348
00:16:57,973 --> 00:17:00,543
That's that fuckin'
hat you got on.
349
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:03,024
No, no, no. In order
for me to do Rodney and sound just like him,
350
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:04,105
I gotta know that
everybody's with me
351
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,463
so I can kick this
off just right,
352
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,162
so, is everybody
with me if I do this right?
353
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,550
AUDIENCE: Yeah!MOST BROTHER 1: Yo man...
354
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,202
All right, let
me get my neck working first.
355
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,336
Yo, yo what
you waitin' on, man?
356
00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:14,159
I gotta set this up.
Just chill out, all right?Takin' all damn day.
357
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:15,857
We got seven minutes.
Hurry the fuck up, man.
358
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:17,694
Just cool out man.
You just mad
359
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:19,262
'cause you didn't
get no laughs. Cool out, all right?
360
00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:20,909
I got this.
I got this.I tell you what.
361
00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:23,042
Why don't you just
take off that hat,
362
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:26,085
let us see the forehead
and we could show some slides on that shit.
363
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,222
Nigga, what's up
with you? Why you comin' off like that on me, man?
364
00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:30,014
I'm just lettin' you know
you ain't got a forehead,
365
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,049
you got a five-head,
motherfucker. Now, hurry up.
366
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:33,314
Oh, oh, oh,
it's like that now, huh?
367
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,096
Yeah, it's like that.It's like that.
368
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,971
You takin'
all damn day.Well, why don't you shave
369
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,062
that mustache so we can
see them stretch marks around your lips?
370
00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:41,056
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
371
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:42,453
MOST BROTHER 2: Fuckin'
around, man. I'm tryin' to do the show here, man.
372
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,106
Hold on, hold on.This is Def
Jam, man.
373
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,020
I got stretch marks
around my lips?Yeah, bitch.
374
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,755
That's because
none of your girls' titty was that big.
375
00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:56,416
Oh yeah? Oh yeah?
Well, I made love to two women last night.
376
00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:58,466
Your mother and
your father.
377
00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,382
[AUDIENCE GASPS]
378
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:05,386
[MOCK LAUGHTER]Oh, yeah?
379
00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:07,262
Yeah.Well, I heard...
380
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,613
You heard?I heard that your father's
on a seafood diet.
381
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,003
My father?That's right,
382
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:12,566
'cause your mama
got crabs on the menu.
383
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:13,613
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS]
384
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,186
You'll never be the
man your mama was.What?
385
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:25,763
What? What?
386
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,580
What you talking
about man? What, what?
387
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,408
Yeah, that's all right.
That's all right,
388
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,546
'cause you'll always
be the fag that your father was.
389
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,108
I'll tell you...We the Most
Brothers.
390
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,235
Peace.God Bless y'all.
Peace. Y'all take care.
391
00:18:35,288 --> 00:18:37,068
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
392
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:44,949
A'ight. Give it up
one more time y'all,
393
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,263
for the Most Brothers.
394
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:52,436
All right, dig this.
Comin' from L.A.
395
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:56,089
is one of the
funniest Latin brothas I have ever seen.
396
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,785
This cat is
hilarious.
397
00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:59,622
Y'all put y'all
hands together
398
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:03,790
for the comedy
styles of Mr. Carlos, come on, Mencia.
399
00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,578
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
400
00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:16,808
Wassup, Def Jam?
401
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:20,251
Wait a minute,
show me some love, Def Jam!
402
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:22,159
Hell yeah.
403
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:24,384
That's right.
404
00:19:24,424 --> 00:19:28,174
I'd have been here
sooner but that walk from Mexico's a bitch.
405
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:32,737
Nah, it's fucked...
It's fucked up being me, see,
406
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,780
'cause I ain't really Mexican,
you know, I was born in Honduras, you know,
407
00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:37,956
but I grew up in
Los Angeles where everybody's like,
408
00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:39,662
"Oh, whatever,
whatever, you Mexican."
409
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,350
You know, I could
say anything,
410
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:42,787
"Where you
from, man?"
411
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:45,143
I could say Puerto
Rico, Cuba, anything.
412
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,714
"Fuck man, fuckin'
you're Mexican, dude." You know.
413
00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:51,452
"Fuckin' A."
414
00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:53,374
But it's... I wish
I was black sometimes
415
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:54,539
'cause you guys
are just black,
416
00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:55,764
wherever the fuck
you go in America.
417
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:57,413
You know what
I'm sayin', brother man?
418
00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:58,757
You're black.
You're just black,
419
00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:00,286
no matter what,
you're black. Shit.
420
00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:02,459
You know, you go
to Miami? You're black.
421
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,455
I go to Miami?
I'm fuckin' Cuban.
422
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,474
See that shit?
423
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:09,821
You know what
I'm sayin'? Here, you're black.
424
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,040
Here, what am I?
425
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,429
AUDIENCE: Puerto Rican.
426
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:13,912
You see how
everybody said that?
427
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,131
Fuck you motherfuckers
that said that shit.
428
00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:17,780
A'ight, suck a dick.
Fuck you.
429
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:19,775
Punk ass
motherfuckers.
430
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,257
"Puerto Rican."
431
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:23,438
All quick
and shit.
432
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,703
Take your time
next time, man.
433
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:28,876
Like... Like
it's Jeopardy. "I got it! I got it!"
434
00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,013
No, this shit.
We're all the same.
435
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:33,796
I don't give a fuck.
I ain't black and I'll say it,
436
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,711
but you know what?
In America, I've traveled, shit, and I know.
437
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,846
I am a nigga.
I know that shit.
438
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,798
Look at? See?
You guys are laughin'.
439
00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:42,237
The white people
at home are goin', "Goddamn it, he knows."
440
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:43,684
Yeah, I
fuckin' know.
441
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:44,900
I ain't stupid.
442
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:46,159
You know what
I'm sayin', brotha?
443
00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:47,861
If you two and me
are in a car,
444
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,938
we get pulled
over anywhere in fuckin' America,
445
00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:51,897
that cop comes out
on the loud speaker and says,
446
00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:54,776
"Niggers, get
out of the car."
447
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:58,908
He's expecting three
motherfuckers to get outta the car. A'ight?
448
00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:00,653
And I ain't gonna
be in the car chillin' goin',
449
00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:03,354
"Homes, you heard
him fucker, get out.
450
00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:05,832
"You heard that
motherfucker.
451
00:21:05,873 --> 00:21:07,273
"You better
get out.
452
00:21:08,876 --> 00:21:12,656
"Oh, shit. He's coming.
Get the fuck out!"
453
00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:15,706
I be like, "I'll help you,
motherfucker, get out."
454
00:21:15,752 --> 00:21:19,102
Be in the car all happy,
"Niggers, get out."
455
00:21:19,147 --> 00:21:20,837
Cops gonna be
like, "You too."
456
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:23,458
"Ow! What the
fuck, dick?
457
00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:24,809
"You didn't say,
'Spic, get out.'
458
00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:26,418
"Did I hear
that shit?
459
00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:28,369
"Motherfucker,
I speak Spanish."
460
00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:30,027
"Well then, you're
a bilingual nigger.
461
00:21:30,071 --> 00:21:32,071
"Now get the fuck
outta that car.
462
00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:34,546
"You stupid ass.
Get the fuck out.
463
00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:35,897
"On the hood."
464
00:21:39,646 --> 00:21:41,816
You know what I mean?
Rodney King. I know that's cool shit,
465
00:21:41,865 --> 00:21:45,825
but there been a
whole bunch of fuckin' Julio King beatings.
466
00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:49,609
Oh, you don't know about
them 'cause we get our ass beat in like East L.A.
467
00:21:49,656 --> 00:21:52,566
in Spanish Harlem,
where people don't have video cameras.
468
00:21:52,615 --> 00:21:54,835
That's why you don't
know about our shit.
469
00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:56,618
There's some
motherfucker right now getting beat.
470
00:21:56,663 --> 00:21:59,063
[MUFFLED]
"Somebody tape this!"
471
00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:02,886
Got no fuckin'
video tapes.
472
00:22:02,930 --> 00:22:07,330
We got drawings
of Julio getting his ass beat.
473
00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:09,329
Fuckin' video tape.
474
00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:13,681
Some lady in court
going, "Ay, look what they did to Julio.
475
00:22:15,029 --> 00:22:16,859
[WHINING]
"Mira!
476
00:22:19,076 --> 00:22:22,376
"They're hitting him!"
477
00:22:22,428 --> 00:22:26,348
And she has to fan
the book in order for the action to take place,
478
00:22:31,175 --> 00:22:32,865
cause everybody's
trying to separate.
479
00:22:32,916 --> 00:22:34,826
Fuck that shit.
Don't separate.
480
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:37,085
Don't make issues
outta this, this whole fuckin' O.J. shit.
481
00:22:37,138 --> 00:22:39,178
I can't believe that
people are saying that that's a black issue.
482
00:22:39,227 --> 00:22:41,657
Ain't no... That
motherfucker had money. That's it.
483
00:22:41,708 --> 00:22:44,668
Period. He afforded
the best team of defense lawyers ever.
484
00:22:44,711 --> 00:22:46,971
Fuckin' period.
485
00:22:47,017 --> 00:22:48,057
You know what
I'm sayin'?
486
00:22:48,105 --> 00:22:49,585
If that was you,
487
00:22:49,629 --> 00:22:50,929
could you
afford Cochran?
488
00:22:50,978 --> 00:22:52,498
Could you
afford Shapiro?
489
00:22:52,545 --> 00:22:54,155
You'd have some
fucked up public defender
490
00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:56,848
that can't even
speak fuckin' English and shit.
491
00:22:56,897 --> 00:22:59,157
Comin' out
talkin' about,
492
00:22:59,203 --> 00:23:01,603
[IN EAST INDIAN ACCENT]
"Hey, my client did not do what they said he did."
493
00:23:08,909 --> 00:23:11,039
[IN EAST INDIAN ACCENT]
"I don't give a shit what the fuck...
494
00:23:11,085 --> 00:23:14,085
"No glove,
no blood, bullshit.
495
00:23:15,959 --> 00:23:18,609
"If the glove doesn't fit...
496
00:23:18,658 --> 00:23:20,568
"It must acquit."
497
00:23:26,753 --> 00:23:28,063
It's like, you know,
white people,
498
00:23:28,102 --> 00:23:29,102
they know how
they built the system.
499
00:23:29,146 --> 00:23:30,536
The system is
built that way,
500
00:23:30,583 --> 00:23:32,543
we don't want
to put innocent fuckers in jail.
501
00:23:32,585 --> 00:23:34,015
I don't know that the
fucking guy didn't do it. I don't know
502
00:23:34,064 --> 00:23:35,244
if he did do it,
but you know what?
503
00:23:35,283 --> 00:23:36,553
I know I ain't
fucking God.
504
00:23:36,589 --> 00:23:38,459
I know that much.
505
00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:40,074
I know that God
takes care of shit when shit goes wrong.
506
00:23:40,114 --> 00:23:42,644
I know that if O.J.
did it, if he did it,
507
00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:45,122
he's gonna die,
he's gonna go to heaven.
508
00:23:45,162 --> 00:23:46,432
The gates are
gonna open up.
509
00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:48,468
He's gonna be
walkin' in all cool.
510
00:23:48,514 --> 00:23:51,044
God's gonna come
outta the back, look at O.J. and go,
511
00:23:51,778 --> 00:23:52,868
"Nigga please."
512
00:24:02,832 --> 00:24:04,362
"But the gloves
didn't fit."
513
00:24:04,399 --> 00:24:06,309
"Nigga puh-lease."
514
00:24:08,969 --> 00:24:11,319
I know times get
hard sometimes.
515
00:24:11,362 --> 00:24:13,932
I'm gonna bring back
a joke. Only 'cause I've done it for the white people.
516
00:24:13,974 --> 00:24:15,284
I've done it
for the Mexicans.
517
00:24:15,323 --> 00:24:16,463
I guess I gotta
teach you what's up.
518
00:24:18,544 --> 00:24:20,284
Every once in
a while we gotta steal shit, you know.
519
00:24:20,328 --> 00:24:21,458
You know
how it is.
520
00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:23,723
We don't wanna
get caught, right?
521
00:24:23,766 --> 00:24:25,196
This is what you do.
522
00:24:25,246 --> 00:24:27,636
Queen size, sheer
energy, nude.
523
00:24:27,683 --> 00:24:29,953
Remember. I'm
telling you, this is how you steal.
524
00:24:29,990 --> 00:24:32,340
You never get caught.
Just pay attention, motherfuckers.
525
00:24:36,257 --> 00:24:38,777
All right listen,
pay attention, fuckers.
526
00:24:38,825 --> 00:24:41,605
Right before you steal,
you get this shit, you put it on,
527
00:24:41,654 --> 00:24:43,134
so they don't
catch your ass.
528
00:24:43,177 --> 00:24:45,047
Right before
you go in,
529
00:24:45,092 --> 00:24:47,572
pull it back like
this and they'll think you're Chinese.
530
00:24:58,061 --> 00:25:00,021
Yo, Def Jam, man,
thank you for letting me come.
531
00:25:00,063 --> 00:25:02,593
Thank you for being
cool. Appreciate it.
532
00:25:02,631 --> 00:25:04,201
[CHEERING]
533
00:25:12,032 --> 00:25:14,032
HARRIS: Carlos Mencia.
534
00:25:19,169 --> 00:25:20,909
Mi un amigo!
535
00:25:22,608 --> 00:25:25,258
Mi hablo
español, Carlos.
536
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:28,175
Muy poquito.
537
00:25:30,616 --> 00:25:33,576
El Taco Bell.
538
00:25:33,619 --> 00:25:35,579
I know some
Spanish around this motherfucker.
539
00:25:35,621 --> 00:25:37,361
All right, yo.
I'm gonna bring up the man
540
00:25:37,405 --> 00:25:39,185
who makes all
of this possible.
541
00:25:39,233 --> 00:25:41,063
Y'all put your
hands together for Mr. Russell Simmons.
542
00:25:47,328 --> 00:25:48,418
Thank you
for comin' out.
543
00:25:48,459 --> 00:25:49,979
God bless you.
Good night.
544
00:25:50,897 --> 00:25:52,897
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
545
00:25:52,947 --> 00:25:57,497
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