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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,661 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,313 KID CAPRI: Straight outta New York City, 3 00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:12,617 it's the Russell Simmons' Def Comedy All-Star Jam! 4 00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:39,387 Please welcome to the stage, 5 00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:42,430 Ricky Harris! 6 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:09,586 I'm from the old school. I ain't gonna be doin' all that flippin' and shit. 7 00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,032 I'm like, I be tryin' not to sweat. 8 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,076 I be tryin' to be cool and shit. Yeah. 9 00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:24,001 [CHUCKLES] 10 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,610 How y'all doin'? Y'all a'ight? 11 00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:26,700 AUDIENCE: Yeah! 12 00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:27,958 A'ight? 13 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,260 AUDIENCE: A'ight! 14 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:32,136 See, that's some New York shit. 15 00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,049 And white people get scared when you do that shit. 16 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,234 I like to do that shit with just a whole bunch of brothas and sistas. 17 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,920 Be like, "A'ight." 18 00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:42,411 White people be like, "Oh shit. 19 00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:45,630 "There they go. First the Million Man March, now, 'All right.'" 20 00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:48,803 I'd like to say hi, Becky! 21 00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:54,113 Sittin' over there lookin' like the Doublemint twins. 22 00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,554 Here's some shit for y'all. Here's a dance for y'all. 23 00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:11,130 I love New York man, that's real. 24 00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:14,794 I like comin' out here 'cause you can get shit on the streets for free. 25 00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:15,920 Damn near. 26 00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:17,831 I bought a Rolex for $30 27 00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,746 I talked that motherfucker down, boy. 28 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:24,363 This motherfucker came, "Bruh, bruh... 29 00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,575 "I got this Rolex for you for $17,000 30 00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,024 "I give it to you for 45." 31 00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:32,152 I said, "I give yo' ass 30." "You got a deal, man." 32 00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:35,811 I love coming out here. 33 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,641 It be colder than a motherfucker, though. 34 00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:40,119 I was kinda, like, disappointed, though. You know... 35 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,160 Recently, 'cause of O.J. 36 00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,685 That whole shit just got me like... 37 00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:47,078 I'm still kinda frustrated about the whole thing. 38 00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,603 I'm glad he got off, you know, don't get me wrong. 39 00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,037 The brotha, you know, black man. 40 00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:56,833 But I wanted him to be at the Million Man March! 41 00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:59,572 Say some shit, you know. 42 00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,054 I wanted him to be up there, 43 00:03:01,093 --> 00:03:03,443 "Thank... Thank y'all." 44 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:06,527 'Cause you know, black people, we were ready to tear up some shit. 45 00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,617 "Hey, let O.J. don't get off." 46 00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:15,669 "I bet after I eat this motherfuckin' rib, 47 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,547 "if he don't get off, that's gonna be somebody ass." 48 00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:20,333 [HARRIS LAUGHING] 49 00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:23,204 What got him off though, is that Johnny Cochran. 50 00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:24,676 That's a bad motherfucker. 51 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,377 That's who I want defending me if I ever have to fuck somebody up. 52 00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:34,041 I want Johnny Cochran in my corner. 53 00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,223 He was like a magician. 54 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:39,039 That motherfucker said, "I'm... I'm gonna put on this hat." 55 00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:45,704 "Now, who am I when I put this hat on?" 56 00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,103 "I'm Johnny Cochran with a hat on. 57 00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:53,275 "Nothin' up my sleeves." 58 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,235 He was funny, man. 59 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,150 Shit, O.J. was lookin' like, 60 00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:00,495 "Shit, I told you I didn't do that shit. Go on, Johnny!" 61 00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:03,982 Johnny started sayin' them little words, 62 00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:05,896 "Beware of devils of deception." 63 00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:18,907 "If it don't fit you must... Acquit." 64 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,486 They weren't ready for that shit. 65 00:04:28,529 --> 00:04:31,489 I just think the whole judicial system needs to be changed 66 00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:33,322 any damn way. They need to do somethin'. 67 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,320 It's fucked up. 68 00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,972 We know that. You know what I'm sayin'. 69 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:39,755 Now they... "Really, it's fucked up?" 70 00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:42,331 It's been fucked up for hundreds and hundreds of years. 71 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,979 It's been fucked up. 72 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,812 You know, any time, you know, when my man was out here. 73 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:48,460 He was a brotha. He shot nineteen white people. 74 00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:50,415 He forgot. 75 00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:52,254 Remember Colin Ferguson ass? 76 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,472 Motherfucker shot all of them motherfuckers, 77 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,820 then he tried to defend himself. 78 00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,335 Now, you know the system is fucked up 79 00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:04,128 if they let a motherfucker defend himself. 80 00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:06,523 When five hundred motherfuckers say it was him. 81 00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,831 He got up there tryin'... "Hold on, hold on." 82 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,790 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 83 00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,317 Wait, wait, wait... 84 00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:19,492 "Okay, 85 00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,802 "when you got shot in yo' back, 86 00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:26,893 "what did you do?" 87 00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:29,495 "Motherfucker, I fell and watched you shoot somebody else." 88 00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:32,506 "Objection! 89 00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,418 "Nah, nah, I can't get no fair trial here. 90 00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:40,116 "I'm objectin' to that shit right there, that's bullshit." 91 00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,375 "'Cause, how'd you know you got shot in the back 92 00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:43,038 "when you got shot in the back? 93 00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:45,001 "You don't got eyes in the back of your head, do you? 94 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,910 "Now, that's what I'm talkin' about!" 95 00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:50,566 Uh, funny though, was when he wanted to hold the gun. 96 00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:54,088 They brought the gun in there. 97 00:05:54,136 --> 00:05:55,696 This motherfucker said, "Well, let me hold the gun. 98 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,790 "No, no, let me hold the motherfuckin' gun!" 99 00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:01,667 "Hell no, nigga, we know you got some clips 100 00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:04,189 "in that motherfucker... In your pocket somewhere." 101 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,543 I was like... "What the hell is goin' on?" 102 00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:07,762 The whole judicial system is fucked up. 103 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,502 You know, they need to rearrange that shit. 104 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:12,373 Motherfuckers goin' to jail for traffic tickets. 105 00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,065 In jail for four years. 106 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:17,462 "What you in here for, dog?" "Man, ran that stop sign. 107 00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:20,247 "Motherfucker just got me in here for four motherfuckin' years." 108 00:06:20,292 --> 00:06:21,992 And, you know, I hate people that are in jail. 109 00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:24,513 You know, 'cause they call yo' ass collect. 110 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,947 Motherfucker call you collect, 111 00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,646 and be askin' you stupid shit like, 112 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:31,913 "So, uh... What's been happenin'?" 113 00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:36,350 "Same old shit, the world is just turning." 114 00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:41,313 "So you goin' out tonight?" 115 00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:44,447 "Motherfucker, why? You can't go! 116 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,751 "I mean, you done forgot where the fuck you at?" 117 00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,886 I was mad as a motherfucker, man. 118 00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:53,723 But I've been havin' much fun. 119 00:06:53,761 --> 00:06:55,891 Y'all lookin' good than a motherfucker. I ain't lyin'. 120 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,627 The Def Jam crowd is in this motherfucker, you know what I'm saying? 121 00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:04,694 What is wrong with these motherfuckin' rappers now? 122 00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:08,855 Everybody is just, "You motherfucker!" 123 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,261 Like, what the hell? 124 00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:20,735 I think rappers just need to come real with their shit. 125 00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:23,138 They don't be havin' like, realistic lyrics. 126 00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:24,921 Some of 'em. They need to put on they album, 127 00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,916 "This is just entertainment." 128 00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,878 You know, 'cause some of them be havin' them lyrics, you know, 129 00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,886 they be talkin' about, "Yeah, I was rollin' down the street. 130 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:33,888 "I said, 'Fuck it,' I saw this bitch, bam, I shot that ho. 131 00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:36,111 "And I dipped over there, bam, shot that motherfucker. 132 00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:38,501 "Dipped over there, bam, bam, bam, shot three more motherfuckas'. 133 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,325 "I won't give a fuck. 134 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:41,502 [MACHINE GUN SOUNDS] "Shot a whole gang of niggas, 135 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:42,588 "'Cause I wouldn't give a fuck, 136 00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:44,806 "then I dipped back to the crib." 137 00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:50,174 And that's right where the police gonna come get yo' ass at. 138 00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:52,168 Right at the crib, motherfucker. 139 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,300 Make this shit real, reality. 140 00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:59,695 And at the end of all the songs, "Keep it real!" 141 00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,530 Motherfucker, that was real? 142 00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,619 Motherfucker think, "I'm tryin' to make some motherfuckin' money." 143 00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:07,269 But we ready to do this shit. 144 00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:08,972 Y'all ready to do this shit? I'm pumped up. 145 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:11,140 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 146 00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:13,316 If y'all ready to do this, let me hear you say, "Yeah!" 147 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:16,022 AUDIENCE: Yeah!All right, dig. 148 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,110 Comin' from Toledo, Ohio, 149 00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:19,719 y'all put your hands together 150 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,410 for the comedy styles of Mr. Darrell Banks, y'all. 151 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:23,458 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 152 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,254 New York, New York! 153 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,300 Black women out here actin' the fool, 154 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,820 just playin' games on brothas. Playin' games. 155 00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,645 Brothas you know the kind of sistas I'm talkin' about. 156 00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:41,913 These are the same sistas you see sittin' in the club, 157 00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:43,386 drinkin' a bottle of water. 158 00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:44,995 And soon as yo' black ass come along, 159 00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:46,826 they become top shelf hos. 160 00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:49,014 "I want some Martel. 161 00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,620 "I want some Courvoisier or somethin'." 162 00:08:51,661 --> 00:08:55,101 I was in the club two weeks ago, lookin' halfway decent. 163 00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:58,023 Couldn't do a damn thing with my hair. 164 00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:00,629 Saw this fine sista, "Yo baby, let me get your phone number." 165 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,720 "Uh-uh, you got to buy me a couple of Martels or something." 166 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,280 So I got the number. Called her on the phone the next day, 167 00:09:06,328 --> 00:09:08,458 her line busy as hell. 168 00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,774 I called her for the next three days. 169 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:13,861 Line still busy as hell. 170 00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,251 Come to find out she done gave me 171 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,643 my own motherfuckin' phone number. 172 00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:19,987 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]Playin' games! 173 00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:22,467 Just playin'! Perpetratin'! 174 00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:25,605 Perpetratin'! 175 00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:27,312 And white people. They actin' fools. 176 00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:29,309 They actin' a goddamn fool. 177 00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,051 I'm driving down the street two weeks ago 178 00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:32,702 and the motherfuckin' police gonna stop me. 179 00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:34,786 And you know how it is when a nigga got a warrant on him. 180 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:37,445 You get scared, you gotta change your name and shit. 181 00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:40,059 Change your social security card. All that shit. 182 00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:41,841 Police gonna stop me, talkin' about, "What's yo' name?" 183 00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:44,055 I said, "George Washington." 184 00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:45,795 He said, "Show me two pieces of ID." 185 00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:48,586 I gave him a dollar and a quarter. 186 00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,241 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 187 00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:52,805 You goddamn right! 188 00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,903 Fucked me the fuck up, man! 189 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,640 Fucked me up. 190 00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:02,338 It's just crazier than a motherfucker out here now, man. 191 00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:03,954 And I got kids, man. 192 00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:05,874 I got four beautiful kids. 193 00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:08,519 And I'm glad to know that I'm my kids' role model. 194 00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:11,054 I'm my kids' idol. Not Michael Jordan, 195 00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,698 not Shaquille O'Neal, but me. That's right. 196 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,183 My oldest son and two of his buddies 197 00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:19,234 was outside the other day, braggin' their asses off. 198 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:21,060 Braggin' about their daddies. 199 00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:22,618 I didn't know kids still bragged about their daddies. 200 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,445 First little boy said, "My daddy can ride 201 00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:27,243 "a bicycle up a hill with no hands." 202 00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:29,538 Second little boy said, "That ain't shit! 203 00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:34,065 "My daddy can ride a bicycle backwards up a hill with no hands." 204 00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:37,771 And then my son spoke, and it made me feel good. 205 00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:41,161 Just, ooh. He said, "My daddy can eat a light bulb." 206 00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:44,075 They said, "What?" He said, "My daddy can eat a light bulb." 207 00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:45,951 Said, "Yo' daddy can't eat no damn light bulb." 208 00:10:45,993 --> 00:10:48,083 "Yes he can, I heard him tell mama to cut out the light, 209 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,865 "and he'll eat it." 210 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:51,780 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]Goddamn right. 211 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,475 You damn right. 212 00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:59,404 That's right. 213 00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,401 Just crazy shit goin' on. 214 00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:03,793 Just wild and crazier than a motherfucker. 215 00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:05,747 And black women. 216 00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:07,925 Let me tell y'all something, how y'all doin', black women? 217 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,021 How y'all doing?[AUDIENCE CHEERS] 218 00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,980 Y'all lookin' gooder than a motherfucker up in this bitch tonight. 219 00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:14,409 Hey girl, how you doin'? 220 00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:15,936 Lookin' all good and shit. 221 00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:17,759 Black women, just quit buyin' titties! 222 00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,417 Quit buying 'em. 223 00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:20,681 Let the white girls buy that shit. 224 00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:23,293 Leave them titties alone! 225 00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,084 Two weeks ago I was in Miami, Florida. 226 00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,689 I saw two sistas. One sista had real big titties. 227 00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,250 Look like watermelons. 228 00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:31,817 Her girlfriend had real little bitty titties. 229 00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:33,605 Look like lemons. 230 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:34,999 She said, "Girl, how you get yo' titties so big?" 231 00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,912 She said, "I went to go see Dr. Johnson. 232 00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:39,307 "Dr. Johnson hooked me up." 233 00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:40,960 So she went to go see Dr. Johnson. 234 00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,794 Dr. Johnson said, "All you got to do is say, 235 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:46,662 "Mary had a little lamb. Its fleece was white as snow. 236 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,396 "And everywhere that Mary went. 237 00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,446 "The lamb was sure to go." 238 00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:53,452 And sure enough, she noticed a change. 239 00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:57,185 After two weeks, her titties went from lemons to grapefruits. 240 00:11:57,238 --> 00:12:00,758 But she wasn't satisfied. She wanted watermelons. 241 00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,677 So she was on the bus one day lookin' around. 242 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,722 She said, "Damn, I can get some time in." 243 00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,727 She said, "Mary had a little lamb. 244 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,679 "Its fleece was white as snow. 245 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,508 "And everywhere that Mary went, 246 00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:12,035 "the lamb was sure to go." 247 00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:13,429 And a guy stood up and said, 248 00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:16,391 "You go to Dr. Johnson, don't ya?" 249 00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:18,001 She said, "How you know?" 250 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:21,391 He said, "Hickory, dickory, dock." 251 00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:22,696 Peace, my name is Darrell. 252 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,092 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 253 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:37,283 [LAUGHS] 254 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:47,977 Hold on, I know we rollin', but hold on. Shit. 255 00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,808 That nigga said, "Hickory, dickory..." 256 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,117 There's gonna be a whole lot a motherfuckers, 257 00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:54,472 "Hickory, dickory, dock. Hickory... 258 00:12:54,512 --> 00:12:56,302 "Hickory dick... How this shit go, man? 259 00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:58,470 "How this shit go? Hickory dick... What? What is it?" 260 00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:01,783 Hey, yo, before I continue too, 261 00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:04,914 let's give it up for my nigga, Kid Capri. 262 00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,258 You know what I'm sayin'? 263 00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:08,047 My mistake, Kid. You know. You know. 264 00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:09,791 You know I love you, nigga. 265 00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:11,402 HARRIS: You know. You know I love you. 266 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,622 Kid, you know I love you, man! 267 00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:15,532 That motherfucker is the only motherfucker I know 268 00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:17,927 that just be like in love with records. 269 00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,841 "Man, I love these records." 270 00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:25,632 That motherfucker, "I got all of 'em. Look." 271 00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:30,854 Motherfucker, wake up! 272 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,507 [IMITATING DISK SKIP] "Get up, y'all." 273 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:38,914 Motherfucker is original. 274 00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,378 He like the original motherfucker. 275 00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,818 He like... This nigga... 276 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:46,035 This nigga is what hip-hop is all about. That nigga, right there. 277 00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,825 I mean it's a lotta niggas like that. 278 00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:52,792 But this nigga lives and eats hip-hop. 279 00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:55,695 A'ight, dig this. 280 00:13:55,747 --> 00:13:59,187 Comin' from New York, y'all. New York, New York. 281 00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:01,619 Y'all put your hands together right now 282 00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,146 for the Most Brothers. 283 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,110 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 284 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,293 All right, how y'all doin'? 285 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,462 Wassup, wassup, wassup? 286 00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:17,857 All right, New York in the house. 287 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,250 You know the deal, they in the house. 288 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,863 Yeah, man from lookin' around, 289 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,863 we got some good lookin' people out here. 290 00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,165 Aw, shucks nigga.We even got some white girls in the house. 291 00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,951 Oh, Becky and the girls, yeah. Yeah baby. 292 00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:28,386 MOST BROTHER 1: I'm lookin' at this one over here. 293 00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:30,172 She... She blacker than me. I'm jealous. 294 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:31,567 MOST BROTHER 2: Oh, look at the tan on her, damn! 295 00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:33,309 MOST BROTHER 1: Can I ask you a question? 296 00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:34,530 MOST BROTHER 2: Go ahead and ask. Go ahead, man. 297 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:35,829 Yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah, 298 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,005 do you have any black in you?Ooh! 299 00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,750 BOTH: No shit, you want some? 300 00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:42,658 MOST BROTHER 1: Fair enough. 301 00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:43,707 MOST BROTHER 2: Yeah. 302 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,631 Crazy the things goin' on, crazy... 303 00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:54,935 Yo, look, look who's here. 304 00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,501 Wassup, wassup?Yo, wassup man? 305 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,107 What's your name man? 306 00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,678 BOTH: Who? 307 00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:02,084 MOST BROTHER 1: Pat? Pat?[WHISPERING] 308 00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,598 [BOTH FAKE WHISPERING] 309 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,469 Yo, yo, yo, Pat. You remember us? 310 00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,256 MOST BROTHER 1: You remember us, man? 311 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,390 MOST BROTHER 2: You don't remember us?You lyin', man. 312 00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,392 Hold on...[CLEARS THROAT] 313 00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:38,334 You remember us now, honey? 314 00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:41,774 I know he's in the closet. 315 00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:43,070 Pat's in the closet.Yeah, honey. 316 00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:44,596 Well, how could you tell? 317 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,119 'Cause I can smell the mothballs from here, honey. 318 00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:47,512 Ooh! Shit. 319 00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,951 Excuse me, Pat?Patty. 320 00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,523 Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing? 321 00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,351 Those ain't Bugle Boys. Those are Guess jeans. 322 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,649 Well, guess who gettin' that ass tonight, honey? 323 00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:58,224 Ooh shit!Yeah, honey. 324 00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,399 Yeah...Yeah. 325 00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:05,701 Yeah, we just bullshittin' y'all. 326 00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:07,397 Don't even take that shit seriously. 327 00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,324 Yeah, don't even think about that shit. Hell no. 328 00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:11,139 That is bullshit!Shit. 329 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,147 Yeah, man. 330 00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:16,280 But a lot of wild things happen. 331 00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,113 Ladies and gentlemen, my friend, your friend, everybody's friend. 332 00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:19,891 Mr. Red Foxx, give him a hand, Redd Foxx. 333 00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:20,935 Well, thank you. 334 00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:29,077 [IMITATING RED FOXX] It's now... It's now twelve midnight. 335 00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:32,727 Did you wash yo' ass today? 336 00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:36,688 Redd Foxx. Right now I'd like to bring to the stage 337 00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:39,264 the funniest man in the world that gets no respect. 338 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,702 The one and only black Rodney Dangerfield. 339 00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,479 Rodney Dangerfield. Give him a hand y'all. Rodney! 340 00:16:43,524 --> 00:16:46,484 MOST BROTHER 2: Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. 341 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,437 Yo, dude what's up, man? 342 00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:49,915 What the fuck you doin' bringin' out Rodney and shit, man? 343 00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,655 Look, look just do the shit.Tell me... 344 00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:53,356 Where you goin', man?I'm goin' to the bathroom. 345 00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:54,403 I gotta piss worse than a dead man need a box. 346 00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:56,578 Do some fuckin' time. 347 00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:57,934 Yo, yo, you got me lookin' like a dick up here. You know that, right? 348 00:16:57,973 --> 00:17:00,543 That's that fuckin' hat you got on. 349 00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:03,024 No, no, no. In order for me to do Rodney and sound just like him, 350 00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:04,105 I gotta know that everybody's with me 351 00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:05,463 so I can kick this off just right, 352 00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,162 so, is everybody with me if I do this right? 353 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,550 AUDIENCE: Yeah!MOST BROTHER 1: Yo man... 354 00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,202 All right, let me get my neck working first. 355 00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,336 Yo, yo what you waitin' on, man? 356 00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:14,159 I gotta set this up. Just chill out, all right?Takin' all damn day. 357 00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:15,857 We got seven minutes. Hurry the fuck up, man. 358 00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:17,694 Just cool out man. You just mad 359 00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:19,262 'cause you didn't get no laughs. Cool out, all right? 360 00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:20,909 I got this. I got this.I tell you what. 361 00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:23,042 Why don't you just take off that hat, 362 00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:26,085 let us see the forehead and we could show some slides on that shit. 363 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,222 Nigga, what's up with you? Why you comin' off like that on me, man? 364 00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:30,014 I'm just lettin' you know you ain't got a forehead, 365 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,049 you got a five-head, motherfucker. Now, hurry up. 366 00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:33,314 Oh, oh, oh, it's like that now, huh? 367 00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,096 Yeah, it's like that.It's like that. 368 00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,971 You takin' all damn day.Well, why don't you shave 369 00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,062 that mustache so we can see them stretch marks around your lips? 370 00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:41,056 [AUDIENCE GASPS] 371 00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:42,453 MOST BROTHER 2: Fuckin' around, man. I'm tryin' to do the show here, man. 372 00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,106 Hold on, hold on.This is Def Jam, man. 373 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,020 I got stretch marks around my lips?Yeah, bitch. 374 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,755 That's because none of your girls' titty was that big. 375 00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:56,416 Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Well, I made love to two women last night. 376 00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:58,466 Your mother and your father. 377 00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,382 [AUDIENCE GASPS] 378 00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:05,386 [MOCK LAUGHTER]Oh, yeah? 379 00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:07,262 Yeah.Well, I heard... 380 00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,613 You heard?I heard that your father's on a seafood diet. 381 00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,003 My father?That's right, 382 00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:12,566 'cause your mama got crabs on the menu. 383 00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:13,613 [AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS] 384 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,186 You'll never be the man your mama was.What? 385 00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:25,763 What? What? 386 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,580 What you talking about man? What, what? 387 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,408 Yeah, that's all right. That's all right, 388 00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,546 'cause you'll always be the fag that your father was. 389 00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,108 I'll tell you...We the Most Brothers. 390 00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,235 Peace.God Bless y'all. Peace. Y'all take care. 391 00:18:35,288 --> 00:18:37,068 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 392 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:44,949 A'ight. Give it up one more time y'all, 393 00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,263 for the Most Brothers. 394 00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:52,436 All right, dig this. Comin' from L.A. 395 00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:56,089 is one of the funniest Latin brothas I have ever seen. 396 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,785 This cat is hilarious. 397 00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:59,622 Y'all put y'all hands together 398 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:03,790 for the comedy styles of Mr. Carlos, come on, Mencia. 399 00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,578 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 400 00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:16,808 Wassup, Def Jam? 401 00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:20,251 Wait a minute, show me some love, Def Jam! 402 00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:22,159 Hell yeah. 403 00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:24,384 That's right. 404 00:19:24,424 --> 00:19:28,174 I'd have been here sooner but that walk from Mexico's a bitch. 405 00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:32,737 Nah, it's fucked... It's fucked up being me, see, 406 00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,780 'cause I ain't really Mexican, you know, I was born in Honduras, you know, 407 00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:37,956 but I grew up in Los Angeles where everybody's like, 408 00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:39,662 "Oh, whatever, whatever, you Mexican." 409 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,350 You know, I could say anything, 410 00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:42,787 "Where you from, man?" 411 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:45,143 I could say Puerto Rico, Cuba, anything. 412 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,714 "Fuck man, fuckin' you're Mexican, dude." You know. 413 00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:51,452 "Fuckin' A." 414 00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:53,374 But it's... I wish I was black sometimes 415 00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:54,539 'cause you guys are just black, 416 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:55,764 wherever the fuck you go in America. 417 00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:57,413 You know what I'm sayin', brother man? 418 00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:58,757 You're black. You're just black, 419 00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:00,286 no matter what, you're black. Shit. 420 00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:02,459 You know, you go to Miami? You're black. 421 00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,455 I go to Miami? I'm fuckin' Cuban. 422 00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,474 See that shit? 423 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:09,821 You know what I'm sayin'? Here, you're black. 424 00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,040 Here, what am I? 425 00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,429 AUDIENCE: Puerto Rican. 426 00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:13,912 You see how everybody said that? 427 00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,131 Fuck you motherfuckers that said that shit. 428 00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:17,780 A'ight, suck a dick. Fuck you. 429 00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:19,775 Punk ass motherfuckers. 430 00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,257 "Puerto Rican." 431 00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:23,438 All quick and shit. 432 00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,703 Take your time next time, man. 433 00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:28,876 Like... Like it's Jeopardy. "I got it! I got it!" 434 00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,013 No, this shit. We're all the same. 435 00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:33,796 I don't give a fuck. I ain't black and I'll say it, 436 00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,711 but you know what? In America, I've traveled, shit, and I know. 437 00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,846 I am a nigga. I know that shit. 438 00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,798 Look at? See? You guys are laughin'. 439 00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:42,237 The white people at home are goin', "Goddamn it, he knows." 440 00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:43,684 Yeah, I fuckin' know. 441 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:44,900 I ain't stupid. 442 00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:46,159 You know what I'm sayin', brotha? 443 00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:47,861 If you two and me are in a car, 444 00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,938 we get pulled over anywhere in fuckin' America, 445 00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:51,897 that cop comes out on the loud speaker and says, 446 00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:54,776 "Niggers, get out of the car." 447 00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:58,908 He's expecting three motherfuckers to get outta the car. A'ight? 448 00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:00,653 And I ain't gonna be in the car chillin' goin', 449 00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:03,354 "Homes, you heard him fucker, get out. 450 00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:05,832 "You heard that motherfucker. 451 00:21:05,873 --> 00:21:07,273 "You better get out. 452 00:21:08,876 --> 00:21:12,656 "Oh, shit. He's coming. Get the fuck out!" 453 00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:15,706 I be like, "I'll help you, motherfucker, get out." 454 00:21:15,752 --> 00:21:19,102 Be in the car all happy, "Niggers, get out." 455 00:21:19,147 --> 00:21:20,837 Cops gonna be like, "You too." 456 00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:23,458 "Ow! What the fuck, dick? 457 00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:24,809 "You didn't say, 'Spic, get out.' 458 00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:26,418 "Did I hear that shit? 459 00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:28,369 "Motherfucker, I speak Spanish." 460 00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:30,027 "Well then, you're a bilingual nigger. 461 00:21:30,071 --> 00:21:32,071 "Now get the fuck outta that car. 462 00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:34,546 "You stupid ass. Get the fuck out. 463 00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:35,897 "On the hood." 464 00:21:39,646 --> 00:21:41,816 You know what I mean? Rodney King. I know that's cool shit, 465 00:21:41,865 --> 00:21:45,825 but there been a whole bunch of fuckin' Julio King beatings. 466 00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:49,609 Oh, you don't know about them 'cause we get our ass beat in like East L.A. 467 00:21:49,656 --> 00:21:52,566 in Spanish Harlem, where people don't have video cameras. 468 00:21:52,615 --> 00:21:54,835 That's why you don't know about our shit. 469 00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:56,618 There's some motherfucker right now getting beat. 470 00:21:56,663 --> 00:21:59,063 [MUFFLED] "Somebody tape this!" 471 00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:02,886 Got no fuckin' video tapes. 472 00:22:02,930 --> 00:22:07,330 We got drawings of Julio getting his ass beat. 473 00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:09,329 Fuckin' video tape. 474 00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:13,681 Some lady in court going, "Ay, look what they did to Julio. 475 00:22:15,029 --> 00:22:16,859 [WHINING] "Mira! 476 00:22:19,076 --> 00:22:22,376 "They're hitting him!" 477 00:22:22,428 --> 00:22:26,348 And she has to fan the book in order for the action to take place, 478 00:22:31,175 --> 00:22:32,865 cause everybody's trying to separate. 479 00:22:32,916 --> 00:22:34,826 Fuck that shit. Don't separate. 480 00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:37,085 Don't make issues outta this, this whole fuckin' O.J. shit. 481 00:22:37,138 --> 00:22:39,178 I can't believe that people are saying that that's a black issue. 482 00:22:39,227 --> 00:22:41,657 Ain't no... That motherfucker had money. That's it. 483 00:22:41,708 --> 00:22:44,668 Period. He afforded the best team of defense lawyers ever. 484 00:22:44,711 --> 00:22:46,971 Fuckin' period. 485 00:22:47,017 --> 00:22:48,057 You know what I'm sayin'? 486 00:22:48,105 --> 00:22:49,585 If that was you, 487 00:22:49,629 --> 00:22:50,929 could you afford Cochran? 488 00:22:50,978 --> 00:22:52,498 Could you afford Shapiro? 489 00:22:52,545 --> 00:22:54,155 You'd have some fucked up public defender 490 00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:56,848 that can't even speak fuckin' English and shit. 491 00:22:56,897 --> 00:22:59,157 Comin' out talkin' about, 492 00:22:59,203 --> 00:23:01,603 [IN EAST INDIAN ACCENT] "Hey, my client did not do what they said he did." 493 00:23:08,909 --> 00:23:11,039 [IN EAST INDIAN ACCENT] "I don't give a shit what the fuck... 494 00:23:11,085 --> 00:23:14,085 "No glove, no blood, bullshit. 495 00:23:15,959 --> 00:23:18,609 "If the glove doesn't fit... 496 00:23:18,658 --> 00:23:20,568 "It must acquit." 497 00:23:26,753 --> 00:23:28,063 It's like, you know, white people, 498 00:23:28,102 --> 00:23:29,102 they know how they built the system. 499 00:23:29,146 --> 00:23:30,536 The system is built that way, 500 00:23:30,583 --> 00:23:32,543 we don't want to put innocent fuckers in jail. 501 00:23:32,585 --> 00:23:34,015 I don't know that the fucking guy didn't do it. I don't know 502 00:23:34,064 --> 00:23:35,244 if he did do it, but you know what? 503 00:23:35,283 --> 00:23:36,553 I know I ain't fucking God. 504 00:23:36,589 --> 00:23:38,459 I know that much. 505 00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:40,074 I know that God takes care of shit when shit goes wrong. 506 00:23:40,114 --> 00:23:42,644 I know that if O.J. did it, if he did it, 507 00:23:42,682 --> 00:23:45,122 he's gonna die, he's gonna go to heaven. 508 00:23:45,162 --> 00:23:46,432 The gates are gonna open up. 509 00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:48,468 He's gonna be walkin' in all cool. 510 00:23:48,514 --> 00:23:51,044 God's gonna come outta the back, look at O.J. and go, 511 00:23:51,778 --> 00:23:52,868 "Nigga please." 512 00:24:02,832 --> 00:24:04,362 "But the gloves didn't fit." 513 00:24:04,399 --> 00:24:06,309 "Nigga puh-lease." 514 00:24:08,969 --> 00:24:11,319 I know times get hard sometimes. 515 00:24:11,362 --> 00:24:13,932 I'm gonna bring back a joke. Only 'cause I've done it for the white people. 516 00:24:13,974 --> 00:24:15,284 I've done it for the Mexicans. 517 00:24:15,323 --> 00:24:16,463 I guess I gotta teach you what's up. 518 00:24:18,544 --> 00:24:20,284 Every once in a while we gotta steal shit, you know. 519 00:24:20,328 --> 00:24:21,458 You know how it is. 520 00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:23,723 We don't wanna get caught, right? 521 00:24:23,766 --> 00:24:25,196 This is what you do. 522 00:24:25,246 --> 00:24:27,636 Queen size, sheer energy, nude. 523 00:24:27,683 --> 00:24:29,953 Remember. I'm telling you, this is how you steal. 524 00:24:29,990 --> 00:24:32,340 You never get caught. Just pay attention, motherfuckers. 525 00:24:36,257 --> 00:24:38,777 All right listen, pay attention, fuckers. 526 00:24:38,825 --> 00:24:41,605 Right before you steal, you get this shit, you put it on, 527 00:24:41,654 --> 00:24:43,134 so they don't catch your ass. 528 00:24:43,177 --> 00:24:45,047 Right before you go in, 529 00:24:45,092 --> 00:24:47,572 pull it back like this and they'll think you're Chinese. 530 00:24:58,061 --> 00:25:00,021 Yo, Def Jam, man, thank you for letting me come. 531 00:25:00,063 --> 00:25:02,593 Thank you for being cool. Appreciate it. 532 00:25:02,631 --> 00:25:04,201 [CHEERING] 533 00:25:12,032 --> 00:25:14,032 HARRIS: Carlos Mencia. 534 00:25:19,169 --> 00:25:20,909 Mi un amigo! 535 00:25:22,608 --> 00:25:25,258 Mi hablo espaƱol, Carlos. 536 00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:28,175 Muy poquito. 537 00:25:30,616 --> 00:25:33,576 El Taco Bell. 538 00:25:33,619 --> 00:25:35,579 I know some Spanish around this motherfucker. 539 00:25:35,621 --> 00:25:37,361 All right, yo. I'm gonna bring up the man 540 00:25:37,405 --> 00:25:39,185 who makes all of this possible. 541 00:25:39,233 --> 00:25:41,063 Y'all put your hands together for Mr. Russell Simmons. 542 00:25:47,328 --> 00:25:48,418 Thank you for comin' out. 543 00:25:48,459 --> 00:25:49,979 God bless you. Good night. 544 00:25:50,897 --> 00:25:52,897 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 545 00:25:52,947 --> 00:25:57,497 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42467

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