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00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,009
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:12,967
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam!
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00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,713
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
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00:00:37,428 --> 00:00:41,168
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for my main man,
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00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:45,175
Mr. Joe Torry!
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00:00:48,831 --> 00:00:52,141
Aw, man, I was
groovin', Kid. Shit!
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Give it up for
DJ of the year, Kid Capri!
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[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
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00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:04,502
Shit. Now, if y'all came up
to laugh with me say, "Hell yeah!"
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00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:05,982
AUDIENCE: Hell yeah!
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00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:09,162
Aight then, won't have no shit
in this motherfucker.
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Just a whole lot of chucklin'
and laughin' and a whole lotta shit.
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I wanna see people fallin'
and flippin' the fuck out from up there.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:18,902
I'm sayin' don't be
sittin' up there tryin' to be cute and shit,
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00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,858
throw some shit up.
Throw your nuts up.
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00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:22,166
[WOMAN DOING TARZAN YELL]
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For real.
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Motherfucker, not like that.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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God damn Tarzan up there.
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You ain't in no club, nigga!
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Damn! Can't just let
too many black people get too wild.
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I want y'all to give a warm
applause to the security that works this joint all the time.
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Know what I'm sayin'?
They keep everything love.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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All of 'em. The big brothers
on the door out there?
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I don't fuck with them,
they're just too God damn big.
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And then, you know, the
brothers outside, you know, the Muslims and stuff?
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Give them a round of applause,
'cause they keep us safe, you know what I'm sayin'?
30
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They keep it real safe.
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As you know, you ain't
about to fuck up around with no Muslims around.
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I don't care where you at,
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what you doin', you could be
drunk on the corner cussin' somebody out,
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"Bitch-ass, stink-ass..."
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:16,792
"No, what I was trying
to say to the young lady..."
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:25,445
"...is that I didn't mean
to call her a bitch.
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"She may be a Nubian ho
but she ain't no bitch."
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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"Please forgive me."
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You know what I'm sayin'?
I mean, it's kinda weird, know what I'm sayin'?
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When you get around,
you just feel that, you know,
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just that feeling you get,
when you just can't fuck up,
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'cause you know, brothers,
they don't fuck around.
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Muslims don't fuck around,
I don't care who you are.
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And I, you know, I like,
walked past Farrakhan one time,
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and I was like,
you just got this feelin'.
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I don't know
if I could be a brother
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'cause it seemed like
if you just fucked up he would know.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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You know what I'm sayin'?
You could just be walkin' by [WHISTLING]
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He'd be like, "Excuse me,
my brother, come here."
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Like, "Me?"
"Yeah, somethin' ain't right about you."
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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"What you mean,
somethin' ain't right?"
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"No, you thinkin' about
sleepin' with that pretty white girl there, ain't you?"
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,891
"I don't know what you
talkin' about, mister."
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"Yeah, you thinkin' about
going to the ribs stand,
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"gettin' a big ole' slab
of pork ribs, ain't you?"
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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"Don't... Don't know
what you talkin' about."
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"Uh-huh, you thinkin' about
cussin' that girl
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"that didn't give you
no ass last night, ain't cha?"
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[SOBBING] "I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:32,523
"How'd you know?
How'd you know? How'd you know?"
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"I have sinned, I'm sorry."
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"Get up, my brother. Sin,
that's the wrong religion!"
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[LAUGHING]
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So, we do something
different here, on the Def Jamnow.
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Since we're doin' it in '94,
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I asked y'all to a do a little
something with me, and you gotta participate,
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and those who don't,
I will snap your ass about this motherfucker.
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00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:55,240
Now, you motherfuckers
seen it before.
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If you got cable,
you know truly,
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I will tear you a new asshole
if you don't participate.
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Now, when I ask you all,
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"Are y'all ready for
the next comedian?"
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You all say,
"Damn, is he funny?"
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:13,780
And you move your
head just like this.
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00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:16,948
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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See the look on my face?
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We goin' this way.
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Aight, we been havin'
motherfuckers fuckin' up.
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White folks jumpin' up
doin' this shit.
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Bumpin' each other heads,
that way.
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We going this way.
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Everybody this way.
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00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,748
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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Don't do it
and see what happens.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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Surely you will make
HBO history up in this motherfucker.
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00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:41,114
Your daddy be laughin' at you,
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"Mother fucker, why didn't
you move your head?"
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:46,979
"Embarrass me like that
live on TV, my son."
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00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:53,469
Here we go. Are y'all ready
for the next comedian?
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AUDIENCE: Damn, is he funny?
101
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
102
00:04:57,949 --> 00:05:00,559
Hell yeah. You saw this guy.
He's like a regular on Arsenio Hall.
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00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:03,394
He was in Do The Right Thing,
back here for the second time,
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from New York
but now live in LA.
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This boy's bad.
Give it up for Steve White!
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
107
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Come on!
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[LAUGHING] I'm the most
rhythm-less brother in the place, man.
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I can't dance for shit.
Wassup, y'all? How y'all feeling?
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00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:33,026
AUDIENCE: Aight.Thank you, Mr. Capri.
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00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:36,337
I can't get them
dances down, man.
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I'm trying to get that...
That...
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What is this shit here?
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Come on, man, fuck the air!
115
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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That rap music will
do it to you, though, man.
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Y'all like rap music, yeah?AUDIENCE: Yeah!
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It will do it to you, man.
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Everybody's
getting into it, man.
120
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,662
Black music is number one!
121
00:05:57,705 --> 00:06:00,525
Everybody trying to cash in,
like Sinatra.
122
00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:02,137
You see what Sinatra did
on his latest CD?
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00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:05,367
He's singin' with
Anita Baker, Luther Vandross,
124
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:08,798
Dionne Warwick, Snoop Dogg.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
126
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,720
Now, women...
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Women are all up
in arms about this Lorena Bobbitt girl...
128
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Look at the ladies, whoo-hoo!
129
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:20,770
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
130
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Yay!
131
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You know, Mr. Bobbitt
must of had a little white dick, though.
132
00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:28,297
I mean, you just can't
cut off a dick,
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'cause you dealing with
tissue, muscle, blood, bone.
134
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,308
Bone? Is there bone in there?
135
00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:37,609
Look at the ladies,
"No, we'd choke on that. No. No bone on there."
136
00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,492
But he must of had,
like, a little small white dick,
137
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,193
a little, there it is,
"Okay, bye!"
138
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,450
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
139
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,024
'Cause black women
have different ways
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00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,500
to get back at their men
if they fuck 'em over,
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00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:53,330
like Al Green's woman.
Hot grits?
142
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:57,678
Remember that?
That "Argh!" Hot grits?
143
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,771
Al Green's woman
shoulda got together with Lorena Bobbitt.
144
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,600
They coulda had a nice
breakfast stand going.
145
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:04,336
Little grits and sausage.
146
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:06,080
[LAUGHING]
147
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'Cause you just can't
cut off a black dick.
148
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:13,913
Black man smack
his woman, "Oh, no.
149
00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,295
"You are never gonna
smack me again.
150
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:16,957
"Oh, we are not
gonna have this.
151
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:20,051
"I tell you what I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna cut off your dick!"
152
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[SCREAMING]
153
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:23,093
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
154
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,578
"Ah, fuck it.
Just don't do it again."
155
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,537
Peace. My name is Steve White.
I'm dope.
156
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,535
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
157
00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:48,466
Steve White, y'all.
158
00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:50,601
Crazy-ass Steve White.
159
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:56,556
Every time I hear
the dick jokes, though,
160
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,476
my dick just get
the flitchin' inside,
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00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:00,611
so I had to walk
that shit off.
162
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:03,004
Just like all the rest
of the men's dicks, too.
163
00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:04,657
Shit ain't funny, man.
Having your dick cut off.
164
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:05,921
Even thinking about this shit.
165
00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:08,233
Bad enough, you know,
God gave us, like,
166
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:10,100
the shit that kill us
just hittin' on our nuts.
167
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:12,931
Drop you to your knees.
That's pain. Shit, that's some pain, man.
168
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,100
Don't know why God did
that to us, man.
169
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:16,666
And women always
doing that shit.
170
00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:19,149
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
171
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:21,074
Wanna play that shit.
172
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:23,069
You be like, "Aight.
I'm gonna fuck you up soon as the pain go away.
173
00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:26,896
"You got ten seconds."
174
00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:29,471
'Cause you know that
shit don't hurt right away.
175
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,819
Motherfucker, you could be
chasin' their ass, they can hit it and you get...
176
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:35,120
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
177
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:39,776
"When I come to,
kick you in your shit!"
178
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:47,829
Aight. Are y'all ready
for the next comedian?
179
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,085
AUDIENCE: Damn, is he funny?
180
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,658
Hey, hey, hey. Wait.
181
00:08:52,706 --> 00:08:54,926
Somebody passin' around
a bottle in this motherfucker or somethin'?
182
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,493
Have you motherfuckin'
lost it, drunk?
183
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,187
"Damn, is he..." No.
184
00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:01,584
No. It's, "Damn, is he funny?"
185
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,672
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
186
00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:06,328
And don't let me
have to show y'all no more times, okay?
187
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,551
One more time I'm gonna
show you this, aight?
188
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:13,767
Now, are y'all ready
for the next comedian?
189
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:16,694
AUDIENCE: Damn, is he funny?
190
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:19,300
Hell yeah.
From Chicago Illinois
191
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:21,601
give it up for my man,
Mr. Deon Cole.
192
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,948
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
193
00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:46,409
Hey, how y'all motherfuckers
feelin' tonight?
194
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,109
Y'all straight?
195
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,155
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
196
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:56,161
Yeah, I'm fucked up, aight?
197
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:57,554
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
198
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,987
I mean, I'm from Chicago,
and in Chicago
199
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:03,864
no matter where
the fuck we go, we got to roll us a joint or a blunt,
200
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,467
I'm tellin' you.
201
00:10:05,517 --> 00:10:09,777
If I go to a jamboree,
I'm rolling me some jamboree joints.
202
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,566
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
203
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:16,401
If I go to a Bar Mitzvah,
rollin' me some Bar Mitzvah blunts.
204
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,487
But since I'm here tonight,
205
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:23,751
I had to roll me a fat-ass
Russell Simmons' Def Comedyblunt.
206
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,626
Only thing I need now
is my jokes.
207
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,802
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
208
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:38,202
No, I gotta use
these motherfuckers
209
00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:41,986
'cause by gettin' high, man,
I forget every motherfuckin' thing there is to know.
210
00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:45,474
One day I forgot
how to spell "of."
211
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,557
That's two
motherfuckin' letters.
212
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:52,130
I'm sitting up like,
"Okay, I'm gonna do...
213
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:55,609
"Of..."
214
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,915
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
215
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,525
"Of."
216
00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:03,492
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
217
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:07,062
"Okay there's a V in that
motherfucker somewhere."
218
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:10,321
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
219
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,458
Another time, though,
we black people,
220
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,718
we don't need to reason
to get fucked up.
221
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:19,332
It could be a nice-ass
day outside, a shitty-ass day, what do we do?
222
00:11:19,374 --> 00:11:22,294
What up, yo?
Let's go get fucked up.
223
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:24,903
The weekend here,
let's get fucked up.
224
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,505
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
225
00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:32,425
Boring-ass Wednesday,
might as well get fucked up.
226
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,524
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
227
00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:40,785
"Hey, man. Hey,
my girl pregnant, man!"
228
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,268
"Damn, that's fucked up."
229
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:44,921
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
230
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,135
"Wanna get fucked up?"
231
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:48,803
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
232
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:50,968
And I hate a girl
that live in the projects.
233
00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:54,374
Not just the fact that
she live in the projects, don't get me wrong.
234
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:58,199
It's the fact that she
don't tell you she live in the projects.
235
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:01,683
I picked this
girl up one time.
236
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,511
She took me out to
a Mexican food restaurant
237
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,859
that was black-owned.
238
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:09,160
I ordered a chicken fajita
in this motherfucker.
239
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:13,856
They brought my shit back,
these bastards and put gravy on my shit,
240
00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:18,687
a big-ass biscuit
on the side of that motherfucker.
241
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,908
I'm like, "Look, just wrap
my shit up, I'm about to go."
242
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:25,007
You know, "Look sweetheart,
I got one more blunt. We can smoke this motherfucker
243
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:28,788
"and I'm taking your ass home.
Now, where you live at?"
244
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,045
She told me, "Keep straight."
245
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:33,228
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
246
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:36,317
"Make a right."
247
00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:39,634
I pull up to her motherfuckin'
crib, I look around. I'm like,
248
00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:49,067
"Oh, you live in
the projects, huh, baby?"
249
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:52,026
No, there ain't nothin'
wrong with it in this shit, you know,
250
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,725
it's just all these
motherfuckers keep walking
251
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,044
around my car and shit,
you know.
252
00:12:58,081 --> 00:13:02,831
And I can't keep
my eye on all these son of a bitches
253
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,439
walking around my shit.
254
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,880
I'm high and paranoid
and shit.
255
00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:11,088
I don't need
this shit right now.
256
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:13,839
You know what she told me?
257
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,530
"Don't worry about them,
just walk me to my door."
258
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:19,058
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
259
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,282
Bitch, who gonna walk
me back to my car?
260
00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:23,192
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
261
00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:27,417
Your selfish ass
worrying about how you gonna get home safe!
262
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,722
Better get some
of these motherfuckers
263
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,856
you done grew up with
around this bitch to walk you home safe.
264
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:38,948
Lotta things, man.
265
00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:42,822
Like yesterday,
I was sitting, like...
266
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:46,829
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
267
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:54,220
Did I... Did I do that joke
about the projects?
268
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,878
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah.
269
00:13:56,923 --> 00:14:01,103
Oh, aight. I kinda forgot.
270
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,894
Damn, wassup, brother?
How you doing?
271
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:07,190
No, I'm talking...
Not your ass, him right there.
272
00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:10,847
That big black
motherfucker in the back. How you doing?
273
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:13,163
Nothin', man, you a black
motherfucker, ain't you?
274
00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:16,460
Bet you,
when you get in your car,
275
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:19,157
the oil light
just pop on in that motherfucker, don't it?
276
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:25,132
I bet your shadows
is light skinned, ain't they, motherfucker?
277
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,091
You look familiar
as hell, bro.
278
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:32,919
Where you from?
279
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,049
MAN: Jersey.Jersey?
280
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:38,531
I just...
No, you not from Jersey.
281
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:40,973
I saw him on
the expressway, y'all, on the way here.
282
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,140
You tryin' to play
that shit off, ain't you?
283
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,796
He was on the freeway, y'all.
284
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,710
Rollerbladin' down
the freeway.
285
00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:49,795
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
286
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:51,325
Butt... Butt naked.
287
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:52,758
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
288
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:56,334
With a belt on,
and a beeper on his belt.
289
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,683
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
290
00:14:57,722 --> 00:15:00,772
Naked, with a pair
of suede BluBlockers.
291
00:15:00,812 --> 00:15:02,162
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
292
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:04,685
And a KIIS FM
bumper sticker on his ass.
293
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:05,769
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
294
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,947
I'm Deon Cole, y'all.
Good night!
295
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,394
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
296
00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:21,915
Oh, shit.
297
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:27,931
Next guy, y'all, he been
at the Apollo ten times. Damn!
298
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:34,669
From Newark, New Jersey,
please welcome Willie Asbury!
299
00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:36,456
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
300
00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:45,073
Give it up for Joe Torry.
Give him a round of applause.
301
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:47,948
[APPLAUDING]
302
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:52,170
Woo! Aw man,
it's great being here, man.
303
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,912
And I was looking
at y'all from the back,
304
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,433
give yourselves
a round of applause 'cause y'all look great.
305
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,036
Give yourselves
a round of applause.
306
00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:02,574
See, black people,
we got it goin' on.
307
00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:04,403
We got talent.
We got everything.
308
00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:07,621
We got everything goin' on,
especially the black women in the 90s,
309
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:09,402
give them a round of applause
'cause they doin' great.
310
00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:11,616
Workin', workin', workin'!
311
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:15,763
I'm telling you, man.
312
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,540
How many people,
by round of applause, seen the Holyfield fight?
313
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:19,065
Holyfield, Bowe?
314
00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:22,068
Two great fighters!
315
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:26,031
I couldn't be a fighter, man.
You get punched in the head, you forget things.
316
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:28,252
Yeah, I'm telling you, man.
I'm telling you, man.
317
00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,081
Like Mitch Green,
you ask him his name,
318
00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:31,379
"What's your name?"
"Mi..."
319
00:16:32,252 --> 00:16:33,302
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
320
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:39,130
"Mi... Mi, mi, uh,
meh... Red."
321
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:40,914
It's Green!
322
00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:41,996
"Yeah, Green."
323
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:44,997
I'm telling you, man.
324
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,567
Like, look at Ali.
Ali don't talk as fast as he used to.
325
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,274
Remember how Ali
used to talk real fast?
326
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:51,581
"Live tonight, Howard Cosell,
speaking of sports,
327
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:54,879
"let's go over,
talk to the man, Muhammad Ali. A great fighter.
328
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,836
"Muhammad, tell me,
in your own words,
329
00:16:56,885 --> 00:17:03,235
"how do you feel about
the man we all know as Iron Mike Tyson tonight?"
330
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:06,633
"Well, first of all, I wanna
say, I'm the greatest of all time,
331
00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:08,287
"heavyweight champ
of the world.
332
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:11,121
"Whooped Joe Frazier,
Sonny Liston, Ken Norton, fast, pretty.
333
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,120
"Why I'm so fast
and I'm so pretty,
334
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:15,212
"I got the right complexion,
the right connection,
335
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:17,121
"keep me strong movin'
in the right direction.
336
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:21,556
"Howard, thank you very much.
Howard you're ugly, stupid, decrepit.
337
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:24,645
"You're the only man I know
that wears the same toupee with a different color suit.
338
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:26,435
"You ain't gonna be nothin'.
I'm..."
339
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,610
"If you're so great,
then why did you make d-CON commercials?
340
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,877
"Tell us that."
341
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,400
"Well, Howard,
the reason I made d-CON is because you a roach.
342
00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:36,364
"Your mother a roach.
Your father a roach.
343
00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:37,973
"Everybody in your family...
344
00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,673
"You're ugly,
I'm the greatest."
345
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,500
See? But he don't
talk like that now.
346
00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:44,018
I know for a fact 'cause
I had the honor of meeting him three weeks ago.
347
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,983
I saw him at McDonald's.
348
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,721
Yeah, I was orderin'
a Happy Meal.
349
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:49,762
Took him all day
to get his order in.
350
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,897
Thousand cars
sittin' there waitin' for this one car to order.
351
00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:53,590
Muhammad Ali's sittin' in it.
352
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:58,247
"Take your order please?"
"Yeah. I want fries, Pepsi, Coke,
353
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:01,434
"fries, Pepsi, Coke,
354
00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:05,295
"fries, Pepsi, Coke."
355
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,555
A new shift came on.
356
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:11,348
"Fries, Pepsi, Coke."
357
00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:13,404
And Mike Tyson doesn't
sound nothin' like he look, does he?
358
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,830
When I first heard
Mike Tyson speak, speak, y'all, I died laughin'.
359
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:18,007
I said, here's a guy,
220 pounds, all muscle,
360
00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:20,193
look like Robocop,
and sounds like Roger Rabbit.
361
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:21,579
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
362
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:22,882
They brought him out,
"Here he is,
363
00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:27,237
"the WBC champion
of the world, Mike Tyson."
364
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:34,502
[DOING ROBOCOP IMPRESSION]
365
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:35,848
[SQUEAKY VOICE]
"Hello. My name's Mike Tyson."
366
00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:38,987
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
367
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,900
"I'm the heavyweight
champion of the world. No one can beat me.
368
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:42,725
"No one can beat me.
I'm fast, I'm free."
369
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,253
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
370
00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:45,987
"A lot of people say
things about me..."
371
00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:48,947
[MUMBLING RAPIDLY]
"I am a champ. I am a champ. I am a champ."
372
00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:51,087
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
373
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,520
"I went to the same college
as Elmer J. Fudd, uh... And I am a great fighter.
374
00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:56,218
"I'm telling you,
no one can beat me."
375
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:58,175
The day I met him
I asked Leon Spinks... You remember Leon?
376
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:01,104
Right, I asked him
about this fight between Holyfield and Mike Tyson,
377
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,490
"Leon, how do you
feel about the fight?"
378
00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:07,362
Leon said, "Eh..."
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
379
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,447
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
380
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:11,586
"Shit.
You know what I mean?"
381
00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:13,588
[CONTINUES MUMBLING]
382
00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:19,106
And Muhammad Ali
was standing behind him,
383
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:22,508
"I want fries, Pepsi, Coke..."
384
00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:23,772
Thank you very much.
385
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,824
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
386
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,695
Yeah, so, y'all.
387
00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:38,438
Hell yeah, y'all gotta
give it up to this man from Los Angeles, California.
388
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:40,741
You've seen him
everywhere, my man Speed!
389
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,918
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
390
00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:50,319
'Sup, New York?
391
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:52,283
AUDIENCE: Wassup?What's happenin'?
What's happenin'?
392
00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,801
This big brother over here,
boy, what's happenin', man?
393
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:56,235
Nigger had a beeper on.
394
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,812
Who gonna page you,
the Colonel?
395
00:19:57,848 --> 00:19:59,938
[LAUGHING]
396
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,811
"Got those rotisseries,
homey. Come on."
397
00:20:01,852 --> 00:20:04,032
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
398
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:11,075
All these beautiful women.
Where y'all men at?
399
00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:13,602
Probably at home
watching them badass kids.
400
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:16,477
He's probably sittin' like,
"Y'all sit your ass down!"
401
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:18,873
"You ain't our daddy!"
402
00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:21,053
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
403
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,828
"I'll whoop your ass
like I'm your daddy!"
404
00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:27,175
"And I'll page my mama!
405
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:31,136
"Mama, he trippin'!
That man you left here, he trippin'."
406
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:35,707
I'm from LA,
earthquakes, fires.
407
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:37,536
I know y'all heard about
that fire though, man.
408
00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:39,154
Fire... In LA.
409
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,544
I tripped off
the white reporters
410
00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,547
'cause they was
reporting in the fire.
411
00:20:42,589 --> 00:20:45,029
This one white lady was
like, "Hey, I'm Judy. I'm in the fire. It's hot.
412
00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:46,249
"Flames are everywhere!"
413
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:53,115
You know damn well
no brother ain't going to report in no fire.
414
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,384
The brothers was at
the station going,
415
00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:55,947
"If you look
here in the monitor, see?"
416
00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:57,873
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
417
00:20:57,908 --> 00:20:59,258
"Hotter than a motherfucker."
418
00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:04,696
And white people snap.
419
00:21:04,741 --> 00:21:06,271
The white guy snapped.
They asked him, you know,
420
00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:07,478
how he felt about
his house burning up.
421
00:21:07,527 --> 00:21:08,917
He snapped like a wild one.
422
00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:10,443
"How do you feel?
Your house just burned up?"
423
00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:11,876
"How the fuck
do you think I feel?"
424
00:21:11,922 --> 00:21:13,362
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
425
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:15,192
"I gotta move
to my other house."
426
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,750
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
427
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:21,154
One white guy burned up
going to get his cat.
428
00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:23,282
That'd never happen
to a brother.
429
00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:25,275
Brother ain't even going
back to get his mama.
430
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:29,197
"Hey, Mama! Fire!
Bring the cat!"
431
00:21:29,244 --> 00:21:31,034
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
432
00:21:33,944 --> 00:21:35,734
How many guys like it?
Brothers clap your hands
433
00:21:35,772 --> 00:21:37,172
if you like it when your
girl go down on you?
434
00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:38,338
Brothers clap. You like that.
435
00:21:39,994 --> 00:21:41,954
I love that, man. I love it.
436
00:21:41,996 --> 00:21:44,386
The best part about
making love is when both y'all come at the same time.
437
00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:45,433
That's the thing.
438
00:21:45,478 --> 00:21:46,698
Y'all both coming.
439
00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:49,570
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
440
00:21:49,612 --> 00:21:51,402
Shoot, me and my girl
were doing it so good one night
441
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,880
she jumped up like she was
in a Knick's game, y'all.
442
00:21:53,921 --> 00:21:55,181
She was like...
443
00:21:56,793 --> 00:21:58,713
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
444
00:22:09,676 --> 00:22:12,546
Oh, man. And I'm here
to say I date sisters, and sisters only.
445
00:22:12,592 --> 00:22:15,292
I think there's
nothing better for a black man than a beautiful black sister.
446
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:16,604
Y'all give yourself
a round of applause.
447
00:22:19,294 --> 00:22:23,344
'Cause fellas, you know,
you can date a white girl, and get away with anything.
448
00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:25,775
A matter of fact,
she help you a lot.
449
00:22:25,822 --> 00:22:27,912
You come home about 6:00,
7:00 in the morning.
450
00:22:27,955 --> 00:22:31,175
She's like,
"Where the hell have you been? With your friends?"
451
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,091
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
452
00:22:36,224 --> 00:22:38,884
"Hell yeah."
453
00:22:38,922 --> 00:22:41,012
"Where'd you guys go?
To the movies?"
454
00:22:41,751 --> 00:22:45,151
"Oh, hell, yeah."
455
00:22:45,189 --> 00:22:47,449
You can't do that
with no sister, though,
456
00:22:47,496 --> 00:22:49,886
'cause anything
after 2:00, she'll come looking for you.
457
00:22:50,499 --> 00:22:52,279
With the kids.
458
00:22:52,327 --> 00:22:54,977
"Man-man, go on that side.
See-see your dad.
459
00:22:55,025 --> 00:22:57,635
"Che-che...
460
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,510
"You go over there
and see-see your dad!"
461
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:03,213
You look real stupid
at the club going, "Hey..."
462
00:23:03,251 --> 00:23:04,731
"Daddy?"
463
00:23:04,774 --> 00:23:06,824
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
464
00:23:06,863 --> 00:23:08,693
But you can call
a white girl up, give her any reason
465
00:23:08,735 --> 00:23:09,815
why you're not gonna
be home, right?
466
00:23:09,866 --> 00:23:11,996
Be like, "Hello, Barbie?"
467
00:23:12,042 --> 00:23:14,352
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
468
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:17,873
"No, I ain't gonna
be home tonight. I'm gonna play some hockey."
469
00:23:17,918 --> 00:23:19,828
Barbie'll come by
the house anyway.
470
00:23:19,876 --> 00:23:23,136
Lights could be on,
car could be in the driveway, she can hear voices.
471
00:23:23,184 --> 00:23:24,324
Barbie's sittin'
outside going,
472
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,099
"Well, hell. He's not there."
473
00:23:26,143 --> 00:23:28,543
Shoot, let that be Tamika.
474
00:23:28,581 --> 00:23:31,671
Tamika come by your house,
lights could be off.
475
00:23:31,714 --> 00:23:34,374
Car be round the corner,
476
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:36,813
for rent sign on the grass.
477
00:23:36,850 --> 00:23:38,940
Eviction notices
all over your shit.
478
00:23:38,982 --> 00:23:40,332
Tamika be at
the door like this...
479
00:23:40,375 --> 00:23:41,765
[KNOCKING]
480
00:23:45,554 --> 00:23:47,254
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
481
00:23:51,386 --> 00:23:52,466
"He in there."
482
00:23:52,518 --> 00:23:54,218
[CONTINUES KNOCKING]
483
00:23:54,258 --> 00:23:55,868
See, fellas, y'all don't know.
Ladies, y'all don't know.
484
00:23:55,912 --> 00:23:57,912
We be in the house like this,
"Bitch, get down.
485
00:23:57,958 --> 00:24:00,958
"She gonna whoop your ass.
You better get down."
486
00:24:01,004 --> 00:24:02,704
May God bless y'all.
Peace, I'm Speed.
487
00:24:02,745 --> 00:24:04,785
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
488
00:24:08,577 --> 00:24:09,877
JOE TORRY: Speed in the house.
489
00:24:13,234 --> 00:24:15,064
Fuck you, Kid.
I don't need you, man.
490
00:24:15,105 --> 00:24:16,625
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
491
00:24:16,672 --> 00:24:19,242
Make it back up here
without you!
492
00:24:19,283 --> 00:24:21,423
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
493
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:24,770
Before I go I wanna give
a shout-out to, you know, for...
494
00:24:26,726 --> 00:24:28,506
JOE TORRY:
What fuck you doin', man?
495
00:24:28,554 --> 00:24:30,214
Russell Simmons, y'all!
496
00:24:30,251 --> 00:24:31,471
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]Give it up for him.
497
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:34,862
Say somethin' different.
498
00:24:36,083 --> 00:24:37,913
Say somethin' different, man.
499
00:24:37,954 --> 00:24:41,264
Don't y'all want to hear him
say something different?AUDIENCE: Yeah!
500
00:24:41,305 --> 00:24:43,605
Thanks for coming out.
God bless, good night.
501
00:24:43,656 --> 00:24:45,746
[MUSIC PLAYING]
502
00:24:45,796 --> 00:24:50,346
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