Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:08,919
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:13,007
KID CAPRI:
It's the Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
3
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:38,652
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for my main man,
4
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:41,780
Mr. Martin Lawrence!
5
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:43,744
[APPLAUSE]
6
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:51,402
AUDIENCE:
♪ Go, Martin, go, Martin, go, Martin, go, Martin,
7
00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:55,752
♪ Go, Martin, go, Martin,
go, Martin, go, Martin,
8
00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:57,974
♪ Go, Martin, go, Martin
9
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:05,150
What's up?
10
00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:06,455
[CHEERING]
11
00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,981
How y'all live?
12
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,860
What the hell are
y'all doin' up there?
13
00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:16,118
Hey, motherfuckers,
sit your ass down, man!
14
00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:18,206
[MARTIN LAUGHS]
15
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:20,122
What's up? Give my man,
Drez from...
16
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,517
You, Drez,
a round of applause.[APPLAUSE]
17
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,650
You know, they threw me
off and shit, man.
18
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:26,739
What's up?
19
00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:28,612
Yeah, high-fivin'
and shit, sit down.
20
00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:30,053
[LAUGHS]
21
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,220
All right. Oh, damn.
22
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:35,103
[LAUGHING]
23
00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,284
What? No, I'm sayin', now.
24
00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:48,148
The fur coat
and the hair, bro.
25
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,015
[LAUGHING]
26
00:01:50,066 --> 00:01:52,456
Motherfucker,
if you ain't a pimp you better be one.
27
00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:53,853
[LAUGHING]
28
00:01:56,942 --> 00:02:00,772
That nigga just said,
"Fuck it, I ain't changin' for nobody."
29
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:05,776
How you doin', man?
All right, man. [CHUCKLES]
30
00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:09,261
You're like a well-groomed
G.I. Joe type motherfucker, man.
31
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:12,353
[LAUGHING]
32
00:02:12,393 --> 00:02:14,533
I ain't gonna fuck
with you, man, but, you know?
33
00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:17,009
That's you... I like
you 'cause you said, "Fuck it. You know?
34
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,919
"I'm gonna be who I am.
35
00:02:18,964 --> 00:02:21,234
"You know, I know
I'm fucked up, but I got to be that."
36
00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:22,451
[LAUGHING]
37
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,010
No, I'm fuckin' with you, man.
38
00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:27,886
How you doin' with
your little pretty fine-ass self?
39
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:30,320
Sister, sister,
I feel good about you.
40
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:33,758
And she just blushin'.
41
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,545
How you doin'? Got a man?
42
00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:38,254
Where is he?
43
00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:41,254
Washington DC?
44
00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:42,901
[LAUGHING]
45
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:44,725
Shit, nigga can't
catch us tonight.
46
00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:46,859
[LAUGHING]
47
00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:49,428
Know what I'm sayin'?
48
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:55,743
Yeah. What's up, man?
How y'all feel?
49
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:58,744
Thank you for comin' out
again, 'cause we got the best talent.
50
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:00,787
You know, comedians
from all over.
51
00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:03,272
You guys take these
brothers to super stardom, because of you.
52
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:06,363
And we want to thank y'all,
so give yourselves a round of applause.
53
00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:08,193
[APPLAUSE]
54
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:14,277
We got a hell of a show
for you guys lined up.
55
00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:16,334
And, a lot of people
been callin' me,
56
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:17,940
want to come over
my house and visit me.
57
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,900
I don't mind people
visitin' me.
58
00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:21,548
You know, but guests
are a motherfucka,
59
00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:23,772
friends fuck your house up.
60
00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:26,252
Don't they? They don't
respect your shit.
61
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:29,773
Piss all in the back
of your toilet, don't clean that shit up.
62
00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:32,558
You ever had a motherfucker
sleep on your couch so long
63
00:03:32,603 --> 00:03:36,003
like a leather couch,
so motherfuckin' long they shape it to their fit?
64
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:37,871
[LAUGHING]
65
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:40,003
It don't fit your ass no more.
You just fucked up.
66
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,305
You can't get
a comfortable sit to save your goddamn life.
67
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:47,272
Your couch smell like ass,
feet, corn chips, every goddamn thing else.
68
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:48,844
My partners know
who I'm talkin' about.
69
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,230
I want them to leave,
they won't leave.
70
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,751
[LAUGHING]
71
00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:55,837
Coming to the stage from
Plainfield, New Jersey,
72
00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,367
now living in
Atlanta, Georgia.
73
00:03:57,411 --> 00:04:00,021
Give it up for Zooman.
74
00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:02,015
[APPLAUSE]
75
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,033
[MUSIC PLAYING]
76
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,393
Yo, what's up?[CHEERING]
77
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:20,042
'Sup in this motherfucker?
78
00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:23,865
I am glad to be back
up this way, boy.
79
00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:28,435
Damn, I had... '93, man.
I had my first blunt this year, ever.
80
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:31,359
That shit... Pfft!
81
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:32,881
[LAUGHING]
82
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:35,104
Whoo-ee!
83
00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:37,974
It had a different effect
on me, man. It had a different effect on me.
84
00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:39,666
I had this shit,
85
00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:41,854
and then I was supposed
to go to church the next day,
86
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,540
and I fell asleep
watching a karate flick.
87
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:46,157
I had the most
bugged out dream.
88
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,938
I had a dream
that I went to a church, but it was all Oriental.
89
00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:51,198
But it was Baptist.
90
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,162
They was tryin' to be black.
91
00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,296
Big, chubby, Chinese
preacher up there goin'...
92
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:58,914
"Uh...
93
00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:00,390
[MOCKS CHINESE LANGUAGE]
94
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,091
Little Chinese deacons
in the back...
95
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:09,403
[MOCKS CHINESE LANGUAGE]
96
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:16,188
Fucked up.
If you got a chance, yo, spend your money black.
97
00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:17,838
Fuck that.[APPLAUSE]
98
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,842
Spend your money black,
support all that black shit.
99
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:21,454
'Cause they'll take
our money, man,
100
00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:23,885
and they don't give two
shits about us, you know?
101
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:26,762
I went in there, man,
to get a Mickey Mouse watch in one of 'em Chinese stores.
102
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,724
Gave me the hardest
time in the world. Just to get a watch.
103
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,644
I came in, I was like,
"Excuse me, my man.
104
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,379
"Yo, can I get some help?
105
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:36,551
"Can I get some help? Yo!"
106
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:38,947
[CHINESE ACCENT]
"What? What? What you want?
107
00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:41,340
"No you see I busy?"
108
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:43,394
I was like, "Yeah,
all I want is a watch.
109
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,820
How much is that
Mickey Mouse watch right there?
110
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:48,127
[CHINESE ACCENT]
Mickey Mouse? Hold on.
111
00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:50,003
They turn around on your ass
and fuck your head up,
112
00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:52,125
start talkin' some shit,
you don't know what's goin' on.
113
00:05:52,177 --> 00:05:55,217
Turn around, be like...
[MOCKS CHINESE LANGUAGE]
114
00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:01,322
"Mickey Mouse!"
115
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,541
[LAUGHING]
116
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:08,665
[CHINESE ACCENT]
"Mickey Mouse watch is $10."
117
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:11,806
I was like,
"Damn, I ain't got $10. How much is that other one?"
118
00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:15,509
[CHINESE ACCENT]
"No, no, no other one, you asked Mickey Mouse!
119
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:19,159
"Why you ask other one?
You want Mickey Mouse, you buy or you go!"
120
00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:21,164
[LAUGHING]
121
00:06:21,206 --> 00:06:23,636
So I move down
the counter and try to talk to this other guy
122
00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:24,947
that was working
there too, right?
123
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:27,173
But he got a problem
some black people got.
124
00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:29,262
He was born in this
country, but don't really know where he came from
125
00:06:29,301 --> 00:06:32,741
so to find out his heritage,
he watched a lot of karate flicks.
126
00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,663
He come to the counter,
I think I'm gonna talk him down,
127
00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:37,218
I said, "Yo, can we get
this cheaper than $10?"
128
00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:38,346
He came up, was like...
129
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:40,568
[CHINESE ACCENT] "Hmm.
130
00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:44,710
"Hey, he said it was $10.
131
00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:47,802
"Hmm. What am I, stupid?"
132
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,452
"Mmm-mmm.
133
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:50,926
"You either buy it
for $10...
134
00:06:52,324 --> 00:06:54,984
"Hmm, or you leave!
135
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,723
[LAUGHING]"Hmm."
136
00:06:57,808 --> 00:06:59,678
I'm like, "Shit."
137
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:02,033
And what's messed up, yo,
the moral to that story
138
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:04,213
is fuckin' 'round
and spendin' your money in a neighborhood
139
00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:06,079
where it ain't gonna
come back and benefit you or your people
140
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,991
you'll never know
what time it is.
141
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,986
[APPLAUSE]Now, that's the word up.
142
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:15,520
You gotta go black, man.
We got the fattest shit, right?
143
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:19,475
We got rap music.
Can't nobody copy that. Right?
144
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,696
Thing about rap though,
is you can kind of tell,
145
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:23,965
when you hear our music,
you can tell what's going on behind the scenes.
146
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,618
Right? You can tell.
147
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:27,582
Like, it don't take
no brain surgeon
148
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:30,231
to know that a certain group
was in a basement or a sewer
149
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:32,795
smokin' blunts to come
up with lyrics like what they've got.
150
00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:34,893
[LAUGHING]
151
00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:37,412
You just don't...
You just don't sit around and write this shit.
152
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,977
You gotta be
somewhere goin...
153
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:40,023
[INHALES]
154
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:43,585
[LAUGHING]
155
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,949
Yo, my name is Zoo
and I'm peace!
156
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:53,823
[APPLAUSE]
157
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:03,865
Round of applause, Zooman.
Another round of applause.
158
00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:05,618
[APPLAUSE]
159
00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:07,915
Now...
160
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:10,525
I got to go back
for a minute.
161
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,487
What the fuck
is this hairstyle?
162
00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:16,414
The big bush
with the rose in it.
163
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,762
[LAUGHING]
164
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:21,722
You're like the late, great,
fucked-up Billie Holiday.
165
00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,112
[LAUGHING]
166
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:27,378
God bless the child
that got her own.
167
00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:29,771
Is that all yours?
168
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:31,513
No.
169
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:33,954
So you brought
somebody else's hair and put it into a bush?
170
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:35,731
[LAUGHING]
171
00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:38,466
All right,
I didn't have to know. I'm just... I'm sayin'.
172
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,608
I just noticed it on camera
173
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,090
and I just wanted to know
where we were at.
174
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,873
[CHUCKLES]
175
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,785
Angela Davis in the house.
176
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,570
[APPLAUSE]
177
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:51,965
All right. Coming to the stage
from Lynwood, California,
178
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,969
it's a woman
and she's comin' out here to rock y'all.
179
00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:55,621
'Cause I seen her
do some stuff earlier.
180
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,485
So I know you're
ready for them, girl.
181
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,537
So give it up for Edwonda.
182
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,582
Is that right? Is that right?
183
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:03,188
Edwonda, yes, Edwonda.
184
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,108
[APPLAUSE]
185
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:12,732
What's up, New York?
186
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,379
[CHEERING]How y'all doin',
black people?
187
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:18,254
Black people, if you
think a sista should be with a brotha,
188
00:09:18,296 --> 00:09:19,816
and a brotha should
be with a sista,
189
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,523
let me hear you say,
"You damn right."
190
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,741
AUDIENCE: You damn right!
191
00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:24,909
That's right,
you damn right,
192
00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:27,605
'cause this "jungle fever"
bullshit is gettin' a little out of hand.
193
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:29,394
[LAUGHING]
194
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:32,658
And you know who
you are, fellas. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
195
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:34,662
'Cause, sistas,
back me up, back me up,
196
00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:37,014
don't it make you mad
197
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:41,024
when you see a fine
black African king
198
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:42,538
with a homey-ass...
199
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,972
[LAUGHING]
200
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,928
Marcia Brady-lookin'
white bitch?
201
00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:47,936
[LAUGHING]
202
00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:51,158
And when I say "bitch,"
I mean that in the most complimentary way.
203
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:52,679
You know what I'm sayin'?[LAUGHING]
204
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:54,642
It's all about comin' up,
black people.
205
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:57,381
United we stand,
divided we fall.
206
00:09:57,422 --> 00:10:02,212
Y'all look at me sayin',
"Look at her prejudice ass. Look at her gold-diggin' ass."
207
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,303
No, I ain't prejudiced,
208
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:06,522
but if lovin' my people
is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
209
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:07,872
Fuck that.[APPLAUSE]
210
00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:09,521
Fuck the bullshit, y'all.
211
00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:11,652
That's right.
212
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,568
And I'll tell you
one thing else.
213
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,883
I ain't prejudiced,
I ain't prejudiced, and I ain't no gold digger.
214
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:19,839
I just want a black man,
that got some shit I ain't got.
215
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,930
[LAUGHING]Like good credit.
216
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:25,017
[LAUGHING]
217
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:28,059
'Cause I'll be the first
to admit that my shit is fucked up.
218
00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,795
[LAUGHING]
219
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:33,546
Can we work together on some
shit is what I want to know.
220
00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:35,419
Know what I'm sayin'?
[LAUGHS]
221
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,640
Fuck the bullshit,
'cause in the '90s,
222
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:40,420
if you an independent
black female, let me hear you say, "Hell, yeah."
223
00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:42,155
WOMEN: Hell, yeah!
224
00:10:42,206 --> 00:10:44,166
You damn right.
Brothas, I ain't leavin' you out.
225
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,428
Fellas, if you a good man,
let me hear you say, "Hell, yeah".
226
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,211
MEN: Hell, yeah!You damn right,
227
00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:49,736
there's some good
black men out there,
228
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:51,739
and we need to start
kickin' them in they ass,
229
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,911
and let them be
the king they gonna be.
230
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:56,917
That's right,
'cause the black man, all he need is some help.
231
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,830
Got them white women out
there cheerleading for them and shit.
232
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:04,706
"Black man, black man,
he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!"
233
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:08,361
Fuck that! Some sistas
need to be cheerleadin' for they ass.
234
00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:11,536
"Go, go, go, go, go.
235
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,417
"Go!"
236
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:21,860
Fuck that, we need to be
cheerleadin' for they ass too, am I right?
237
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:24,678
Fuck the dumb shit.
'Cause in the night. That's right.
238
00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:28,077
Shit. In the '90s,
239
00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:29,992
I'm a firm believer,
don't get me wrong, fellas.
240
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:33,167
If a man can be a doctor,
a woman can be a doctor.
241
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,394
If a man can be a lawyer,
a woman can be a lawyer.
242
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,133
If a man can pick up
the check at dinner,
243
00:11:37,174 --> 00:11:39,524
a woman can be
a lawyer, you know.
244
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:42,308
[LAUGHING]
245
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,273
That's all I'm sayin',
you know.
246
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:47,052
Can we work together
on some shit is what I want to know.
247
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,267
[LAUGHS]
248
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:50,967
Know what I'm sayin'?
249
00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:53,324
Shit, it ain't the broke man
I'm talkin' about though.
250
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,244
The broke man, he all right.
He got potential.
251
00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:57,149
We need to push him
and help him to do somethin'.
252
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:59,204
Don't dog a brotha
'cause he ain't got shit,
253
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,200
we got to help him
get him some shit, you know what I'm sayin'?
254
00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:02,682
Am I right?
255
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,122
Don't say, "Ain't shit,"
and just dog him.
256
00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:06,809
No, no, no, no!
257
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:08,506
It ain't the broke man
I'm talkin' about.
258
00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:09,993
I don't have no
problem with him.
259
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:12,563
I got a problem with
that cheap motherfucker.
260
00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:13,821
[LAUGHING]
261
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,563
Sistas? Y'all know
what I'm talkin' about?
262
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:18,524
Brotha got it to spend,
but don't want to spend it on you.
263
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:21,833
Always want to fuck
but don't wanna take you nowhere.
264
00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:24,741
Constantly... Constantly
doin' shit for him,
265
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:27,877
and can't get him
to buy your ass a stick of gum.
266
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:31,321
That's the motherfucker
I'm talkin' about. But you know what, ladies?
267
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,099
We gon' get together
on they ass.
268
00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:36,023
We gon' have the...
The cheap-ass man hotline.
269
00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:38,449
We gon' call they ass
and turn they ass in.
270
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:41,496
Kid Capri? The commercial
will go like this.
271
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:43,553
"Call 1-800-KICKASS,
272
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:47,508
"and we'll roll
to that nigga house, and kick his ass.
273
00:12:47,549 --> 00:12:50,379
"Operators are standin' by
like a motherfucker."
274
00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:52,081
[APPLAUSE]
275
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:04,653
Yeah!
276
00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:06,386
That's what I want me,
a gangsta bitch.
277
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:07,697
Give her a round of applause.
278
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,183
[APPLAUSE]
279
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,660
And what I want in a woman,
280
00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:17,747
"You motherfucker,
you want a sandwich, motherfucker?
281
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,887
"You want cheese
on that, nigga?"
282
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,099
[LAUGHING]
283
00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,318
Go ahead, girl.
284
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:25,109
Yeah. All right.
285
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:29,332
Comin' to the stage
from Memphis, Tennessee, all right?
286
00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:32,293
Please welcome Lester Bibbs.
287
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,813
[APPLAUSE]
288
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:40,994
All right, all right,
all right.
289
00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:42,907
That chick was a trip.
[LAUGHS]
290
00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:44,872
Cheap-ass motherfucker.
291
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,561
Did everybody get
what they wanted for Christmas?
292
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:48,778
AUDIENCE: Yeah.I don't think you heard me,
293
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,478
did everybody get
what they wanted for Christmas?
294
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:53,085
AUDIENCE: Yeah!Don't it make you mad?
295
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:55,266
Don't you hate buying
somebody a real good gift,
296
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:57,882
and they give you like
a real shitty gift in return?
297
00:13:57,924 --> 00:14:01,494
Man, check this shit out,
I bought my sister a VCR.
298
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:03,276
Bitch got me some drawers.
299
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,410
[LAUGHING]
300
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:07,633
I ain't lyin'. You know,
I hand her her present.
301
00:14:07,672 --> 00:14:09,372
She hand me mine.
She open hers up,
302
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:11,633
and she hands me mine
like ain't shit wrong.
303
00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:14,236
I open it up I look at it,
I went, "Wait a minute.
304
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:17,118
"Wait a goddamn minute."[LAUGHING]
305
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,810
I said, "These are
some drawers."
306
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,728
She said, "Yeah, but it's
the thought that counts."
307
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:22,302
I said, "Shit,
I'm thinkin' about takin' my motherfuckin' VCR back!"
308
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,469
[LAUGHING]
309
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:26,035
Don't get me wrong,
I think women
310
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,482
are the most intelligent
creatures on this Earth.
311
00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:28,738
How many people
agree with that?
312
00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,610
[APPLAUSE]
313
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,442
Women are smart!
314
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,960
See, women can out-lie men.
Women know when to lie.
315
00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:36,484
They do. Guys, we don't
know when to lie.
316
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:37,877
You ever try to catch
a guy off guard
317
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,180
and ask him where he been?
318
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:40,916
You fuck him...
"Where you been?" "Huh?"
319
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:43,397
[LAUGHING]
320
00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:45,277
"Where you been?"
[LAUGHS]
321
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:49,017
"All right."
322
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:53,326
Women know when to lie, man.
323
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:55,500
They know
when you fall in love, you become goofy.
324
00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:57,676
I ain't lyin', my little
brother fell in love, married an ugly girl.
325
00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,682
Looked just like
Jiminy Cricket with a dress on.
326
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:00,994
[LAUGHING]
327
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,510
Make that noise and shit.
328
00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:04,733
[IMITATES CHIRPING][LAUGHING]
329
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:07,343
I think the phone's ringin'
when she's in the house, man.
330
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,824
[CHIRPING]"Hello?
331
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,475
"Damn, the phone
keeps ringing."
332
00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:14,035
Shoot.
333
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,997
I can tell you
another reason
334
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,525
why women are the most
intelligent creatures on this Earth.
335
00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:19,268
Let the church say, "Amen".AUDIENCE: Amen.
336
00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:21,139
I don't think you heard me,
let the church say, "Amen."
337
00:15:21,181 --> 00:15:23,181
AUDIENCE: Amen.Deacon?
338
00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:24,876
[LAUGHING]
339
00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:32,058
He just broke out, "Well..."
340
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,715
[LAUGHING]
341
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:39,069
Shoot. I know this guy
who dated this girl.
342
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:41,292
She stayed out all night,
343
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:45,641
came home at 8:00
in the goddamn morning.
344
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:47,733
And she got...
I don't think you heard me.
345
00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:49,382
What time was it
when the girl got home?
346
00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:51,596
AUDIENCE: 8:00.It wasn't no 8:00.
347
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:53,906
It was 8:00 in the
goddamn morning.
348
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,743
I still don't think
everybody heard.
349
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,430
People up there
in the cheap seats.
350
00:15:57,478 --> 00:15:59,348
[LAUGHING]
351
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:01,793
What time was it
when the girl got home, 8:00 in the what?
352
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,400
AUDIENCE: Goddamn morning!
353
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:04,700
And she got out of it.
354
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:07,356
Now, guys goin',
"For real though?"
355
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:09,973
The women goin', "How?"
356
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,099
I'll show you.
357
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:13,225
Now, ladies, you know this.
358
00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:14,886
Now, guys, women are so smart.
359
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:16,370
They know if they
get in trouble
360
00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:17,800
and they got a guy
that's goin'... [MOCKING]
361
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,680
And they stay out all night,
362
00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:22,498
they will have...
If they guy is like dead in love,
363
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,106
they will have a
chance to explain,
364
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:25,547
because the guy wants
to believe he's the only one
365
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,033
poppin' their coochie.
You know it, guys.
366
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:29,163
This is what a guy does,
"Oh, that's true!"
367
00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,945
And women are so smart,
they will dictate how the fight's gonna go.
368
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,251
They're driving home going,
"Okay, I know he goin' be mad,
369
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,298
"so I'mma say this...
370
00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:40,425
[LAUGHING]
371
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,517
"That's gonna make
him say that."
372
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,266
[APPLAUSE]
373
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:47,788
Meanwhile, this brotha
call me up on the phone.
374
00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:49,442
I'm sleepin' like
a motherfucker.
375
00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:52,266
Phone rings, "Ring, ring,"
answer the phone, "Hello?"
376
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:53,745
"Hey, man, what's up?"
377
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,627
"Lord have mercy.
378
00:16:57,668 --> 00:17:00,408
"Why have thou forsaken me?
379
00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:03,854
"My girlfriend ain't at home
and I think I better let her go."
380
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,942
[LAUGHING]
381
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:07,981
I'm like, "Motherfucker,
why you callin' me singin' this early?"
382
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,587
"Cause my girlfriend
ain't here, and I wish it would rain."
383
00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:11,988
[LAUGHING]
384
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,991
I'm like, "Well, you
call me tomorrow,
385
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,303
"and let me know
what time she get in." He said, "Okie dokey!"
386
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:16,948
Hang up the phone.
Now, ladies,
387
00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:18,472
you know, sooner or later
you've got to come home.
388
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,035
Now, ladies, you walk in
like ain't shit wrong.
389
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:22,692
Y'all float in the
motherfuckin' house.
390
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,477
Women open the door. Pfft!
391
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,651
[LAUGHING]
392
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,997
You're like, "Good mornin'!"
393
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,138
Pfft! "Hey."[LAUGHING]
394
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,660
"You know it's 8:00 in the..."
395
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,143
AUDIENCE: Goddamn mornin'?
396
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:35,843
"And you just gettin' home?"
397
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,010
"And?"
398
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,146
[LAUGHING]
399
00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:40,668
"And I was worried,
400
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:42,411
"and I want to know
where the fuck you been,
401
00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:43,932
"and love should have brought
your ass home last night."
402
00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:45,975
[LAUGHING]
403
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,721
Guys, this is when
they get you like,
404
00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:50,502
"Uh, I see we have a
communication problem.
405
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,157
[LAUGHING]
406
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:53,381
"Do you love me?"
407
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,470
[MOCKING]
408
00:17:56,901 --> 00:17:58,861
"You know I do!"
409
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:00,473
"Well, I fell asleep
in the park."
410
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:03,386
This motherfucker went,
"Okie, dokey."
411
00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,040
I said, "Guys,
let us try that shit.
412
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,614
We come strollin'
in at 7:45 or 8:00 in the...
413
00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:09,571
AUDIENCE: Goddamn morning.
414
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:11,090
We got a totally
different situation, because, first of all,
415
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,353
we're gonna try
to laugh that shit off.
416
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:14,005
We gonna open the door...
[LAUGHS]
417
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,569
[LAUGHING]
418
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:18,576
"Baby, I was at the park..."
419
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:19,789
She goin' cut you
off right there.
420
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:21,397
"Wait a minute,
motherfucker, hold up.
421
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:24,188
"Your shit is packed
in the other room,
422
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:26,193
"I want you to get your
dog and your Nintendo,
423
00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:27,845
"and leave the fuckin' house."
424
00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:29,409
I've been Lester, peace.
425
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:30,936
[APPLAUSE]
426
00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:40,732
All right,
427
00:18:40,771 --> 00:18:42,561
give him another round
of applause, please.
428
00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:44,039
[APPLAUSE]
429
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:49,255
All right. Comin' to the
stage from Washington DC,
430
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:51,172
all right, he's been
on here two other times,
431
00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:54,127
and when he was on here last,
both times, he rocked.
432
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:56,476
He's back to do it
a third time, he's on the rise,
433
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:59,746
just as all the comics
that perform over here are on the rise.
434
00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:02,660
Give it up for my man,
Ted Carpenter.
435
00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,796
[APPLAUSE]
436
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,810
How y'all gonna clap
for a brotha?
437
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,592
Don't even try it,
I've been here too many times. Clap!
438
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,807
This ain't... This is
no amateur night.
439
00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:25,601
This is not amateur night.
440
00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:27,782
[APPLAUSE]
441
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:29,778
Black folks,
y'all look damn good.
442
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,300
Damn good. I see Martin,
443
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:33,434
I see why he keep
messin' with you.
444
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:34,516
Eh!
445
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:36,134
But I don't like cute women.
446
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,255
Fuck ya, fuck ya, fuck ya.
447
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:42,437
I like ugly women.
Just damn ugly for no fuckin' reason at all.
448
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,655
Type of women that sneak
up on you just standin' there,
449
00:19:44,705 --> 00:19:46,225
and you just...
"Hey, hey, hey, hey.
450
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:48,192
[LAUGHING]"Hey.
451
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,410
"Don't be sneakin' up
on a motherfucker now."
452
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:54,108
Good woman, boy.
453
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:56,499
But we got to stay together,
we don't stay together like we should as black people.
454
00:19:56,543 --> 00:19:58,983
We're gettin' all optimistic
'cause now we have a new president.
455
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:01,773
Fuck that,
I'm not happy. I'm not happy!
456
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:05,639
Until we are equal
with white folks, I am not motherfuckin' happy.
457
00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:08,642
Y'all content ass niggas,
y'all can be happy if you want.
458
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:10,375
I'm serious.
459
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,986
See because
you must understand, I live in DC.
460
00:20:13,037 --> 00:20:15,297
I saw them country white
people gettin' off the bus.
461
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,174
Clinton and all his crew.
462
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,736
Oh, white people
just gettin' off the bus, just happy.
463
00:20:19,783 --> 00:20:21,003
[LAUGHING]
464
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:23,785
"Yee-hoo!
465
00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:26,271
"Look at all of the
buildings, goddamn!"
466
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:29,662
[LAUGHING]
467
00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:32,446
See, I don't forget,
'cause I know that old shit that they can do to us.
468
00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:34,492
White people will trick
your ass in a minute.
469
00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:36,967
I see some of y'all
strategically placed in this motherfucker.
470
00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:38,588
[LAUGHING]
471
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:39,848
I know what y'all doin.
I know y'all watching me.
472
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,940
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
473
00:20:41,979 --> 00:20:43,289
I see your ass too!
474
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:46,031
'Cause I don't trust
no white people.
475
00:20:46,070 --> 00:20:47,550
Every time I see them I say,
476
00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:49,384
"Yeah, y'all mothafuckas
got us, 200 years ago.
477
00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,122
"Y'all fucked us up,
y'all did!"
478
00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:52,902
'Cause we was over
in Africa, chilin' out.
479
00:20:52,947 --> 00:20:55,167
Every man was a king
and every woman was a queen.
480
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:57,870
Chilin' over in Africa,
probably at a comedy club.
481
00:20:57,908 --> 00:20:59,428
[LAUGHING]
482
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:03,475
Brother up on stage...
[IMITATES TRIBAL LANGUAGE].
483
00:21:03,523 --> 00:21:05,533
Everybody laughin'.
White boy ran in,
484
00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:07,268
said there gonna be
free food on the boat.
485
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:11,141
You know how we
like that free food.
486
00:21:11,182 --> 00:21:13,402
Next thing you know,
we was pickin' cotton like a motherfucker.
487
00:21:13,446 --> 00:21:16,356
♪ Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord,
Lord, Lord, Lord ♪
488
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:19,058
That is an eerie feelin',
489
00:21:19,103 --> 00:21:20,713
to wake up one day,
bein' a king,
490
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:22,977
and the next day,
you gotta pick cotton.
491
00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:25,810
Oh, that shit is messed up.
Look at y'all, brothas.
492
00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:27,589
You'd be pissed off,
wouldn't you?
493
00:21:27,634 --> 00:21:29,244
Mad as a motherfucker,
wouldn't you?
494
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,988
Just damn mad.
495
00:21:31,028 --> 00:21:34,338
All the light-skinned
people get to work closer to the house.
496
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:37,910
Dark niggas like you, y'all
motherfuckers got to be way the fuck out there.
497
00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:40,388
You got to sound a horn for
your black ass lunch break.
498
00:21:40,429 --> 00:21:41,779
[IMITATES HORN BLOWING]
499
00:21:41,822 --> 00:21:43,172
[LAUGHING]
500
00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:53,527
Everybody be out there, man.
All of y'all got to come.
501
00:21:53,573 --> 00:21:54,793
All of y'all be workin'.
502
00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:56,315
Big brother,
you be workin' too.
503
00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:58,618
Just a... You gotta
pull the carts and shit.
504
00:21:58,665 --> 00:22:01,615
[LAUGHING]Just a big motherfucker.
505
00:22:01,668 --> 00:22:03,758
All of y'all be workin'.
Everybody out there.
506
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,630
All these little
pretty ladies,
507
00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:07,112
look like you like
to get your hair fixed on Saturdays,
508
00:22:07,151 --> 00:22:09,201
no more of that shit.[LAUGHING]
509
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,590
Your ass be workin'
in the cotton field. Be 900 fuckin' degrees.
510
00:22:11,634 --> 00:22:13,724
Niggas with Jheri curls
be blowin' up like popcorn.
511
00:22:13,767 --> 00:22:14,897
[LAUGHING]
512
00:22:14,942 --> 00:22:17,992
Pow, pow, pow,
pow, pow, pow!
513
00:22:20,817 --> 00:22:23,687
Everybody, you can think...
Richard Pryor be out there.
514
00:22:23,733 --> 00:22:25,913
Richard just... I wouldn't
even want him near me
515
00:22:25,953 --> 00:22:28,263
'cause he wouldn't help
no fuckin' body, would he?
516
00:22:28,303 --> 00:22:31,963
"I'm not helpin' a nigga
pick shit off this hot motherfucker,
517
00:22:32,002 --> 00:22:33,312
"I don't give a fuck.
518
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,142
[LAUGHING]
519
00:22:35,179 --> 00:22:37,969
"It's hot as hell out here.
I'm not pickin' up a goddamn thing."
520
00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:41,663
Big old Mike Tyson
be a big old punk.
521
00:22:42,665 --> 00:22:44,405
Cryin' and shit. [CRYING]
522
00:22:44,450 --> 00:22:46,100
[LAUGHING]
523
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:51,017
Richard Pryor,
"What's wrong with you, you dumb motherfucker?"
524
00:22:51,065 --> 00:22:52,845
[LAUGHING]
525
00:22:52,893 --> 00:22:55,943
[STAMMERS] "I just...
I don't wanna do this...
526
00:22:55,983 --> 00:22:57,423
[LAUGHING]
527
00:22:57,463 --> 00:22:59,123
[CRYING]
528
00:23:03,904 --> 00:23:08,524
[STAMMERS] "I mean,
what I do is I'm a fighter, what I do with on the...
529
00:23:08,561 --> 00:23:11,131
"It's getting ludicrous,
I don't want to do it anymore."
530
00:23:14,044 --> 00:23:16,404
Jesse Jackson be
the cotton field manager.
531
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:18,608
[LAUGHING]
532
00:23:18,658 --> 00:23:24,488
"My people, what we
must do is gather, dig low, punch up, grab higher."
533
00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:26,193
[LAUGHING]
534
00:23:29,103 --> 00:23:31,673
See, but we don't
have respect for those times, those days.
535
00:23:31,714 --> 00:23:33,934
But you got to remember
those people were pure,
536
00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:36,277
they were pure Africans,
you know what I'm sayin'?
537
00:23:36,327 --> 00:23:38,977
And they would run...
If they could they would run, you know what I'm sayin'?
538
00:23:39,026 --> 00:23:40,806
But they had no
place to go, man.
539
00:23:40,854 --> 00:23:44,774
They had no place to go.
Plus that whip.
540
00:23:44,814 --> 00:23:46,954
That whip hurt like
a motherfucker, man.
541
00:23:46,990 --> 00:23:48,510
I'm tellin' you, you ask
a brotha today, say,
542
00:23:48,557 --> 00:23:51,037
"Look here, my brotha,
would you pick cotton?"
543
00:23:51,081 --> 00:23:52,691
And he'll look at you
dead in your eye and say,
544
00:23:52,735 --> 00:23:54,645
"Man, you crazier
than a motherfucker.
545
00:23:54,694 --> 00:23:57,044
"I wouldn't pick
a goddamn thing.
546
00:23:57,087 --> 00:24:02,567
"Somebody got to kill
me before I do any of this monkey shit."
547
00:24:02,615 --> 00:24:05,135
Smack his ass with that whip.
548
00:24:05,182 --> 00:24:07,842
Smack him with that whip,
just who-pow!
549
00:24:07,881 --> 00:24:11,061
"All I'm sayin' is
I ain't gonna pick all this shit by myself.
550
00:24:11,101 --> 00:24:13,231
"That's what I'm tryin'
to tell everybody."
551
00:24:13,277 --> 00:24:14,837
That's what I'm sayin'.
552
00:24:14,888 --> 00:24:16,498
[APPLAUSE]
553
00:24:18,674 --> 00:24:20,554
"Somebody gonna
have to help me."
554
00:24:21,982 --> 00:24:24,032
That whip ain't no joke, man.
555
00:24:24,071 --> 00:24:27,341
Crack Richard Pryor
with that whip, just crack it, just who-pow!
556
00:24:27,378 --> 00:24:30,118
"Oh, shit,
557
00:24:30,164 --> 00:24:31,774
"you're sayin' this is
all I got to do?
558
00:24:31,818 --> 00:24:33,338
[LAUGHING]
559
00:24:33,384 --> 00:24:35,304
"Shit, I don't mind helpin'
a motherfucker, you know?
560
00:24:36,126 --> 00:24:37,126
"Shit."
561
00:24:38,868 --> 00:24:42,478
Big ol' Mike Tyson, bust
his ass, just who-pow!
562
00:24:45,962 --> 00:24:47,092
Who-pow!
563
00:24:47,137 --> 00:24:48,527
[LAUGHING]
564
00:24:52,142 --> 00:24:54,672
"Ow.
565
00:24:54,710 --> 00:24:57,280
"I swear you guys
make me so fuckin' mad sometimes.
566
00:24:57,321 --> 00:24:59,451
"I'm serious, you guys.
I'm serious."
567
00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:00,668
[APPLAUSE]
568
00:25:03,023 --> 00:25:04,723
Yo, my name
is Ted Carpenter.
569
00:25:04,764 --> 00:25:06,554
Peace out,
I appreciate it, I'm out of here.
570
00:25:06,592 --> 00:25:08,202
[APPLAUSE]
571
00:25:18,342 --> 00:25:20,912
Let's bring Russell up
to say goodnight, come on up man.
572
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:22,614
[APPLAUSE]
573
00:25:26,002 --> 00:25:28,272
Thank y'all for comin' out,
God bless you, goodnight.
574
00:25:28,309 --> 00:25:30,009
[MUSIC PLAYING][APPLAUSE]
575
00:25:30,059 --> 00:25:34,609
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
43710
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
