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1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:05,115
? Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ?
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:08,618
? Songs that made
the hit parade ?
3
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:11,721
? Guys like us, we had it made ?
4
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,724
? Those were the days ?
5
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:18,662
? And you knew
where you were then ?
6
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:21,932
? Girls were girls,
and men were men ?
7
00:00:21,956 --> 00:00:26,903
? Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ?
8
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:30,440
? Didn't need no welfare state ?
9
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,910
? Everybody pulled his weight ?
10
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:38,515
? Gee, our old
LaSalle ran great ?
11
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:44,510
? Those were the days ?
12
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:49,392
? Said the mama
fitty, "'fim' if you can" ?
13
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:53,597
? And they fam and they
fam all over the dam ?
14
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:57,667
? Boom boom dittem
dattem whattem chu ?
15
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,925
? Boom boom dittem
dattem whattem chu ?
16
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:07,844
And this.
17
00:01:11,839 --> 00:01:13,605
This here.
18
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,157
Wait a minute! Wait a min...
19
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:24,227
Edith, what are you
doing? I just packed these.
20
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,529
You can't pack 'em like that.
21
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:29,799
They'll be wrinkled by
the time we get there.
22
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:31,768
We're goin' fishing, Edith.
23
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:36,539
The fish don't give a damn how I
look as long as my worms smell good.
24
00:01:36,563 --> 00:01:41,344
Barney and Blanche'll think
I don't take good care of you.
25
00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:44,347
Barney and Blanche, they
shouldn't even be going with us.
26
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:48,118
Why can't we go up to that
little weekend cabin alone?
27
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:53,378
Well, I guess 'cause it's
Barney's cabin, and he invited us.
28
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:58,428
And it's Barney's car and...
29
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,063
All right, Edith. All right!
30
00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:03,888
You made a small
point. Don't build it up.
31
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:09,105
The point I'm tryin' to make is
32
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,875
I can't warm up to Blanche.
33
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:15,144
I can't forgive her for what she
done to my poor pal Barney...
34
00:02:15,168 --> 00:02:17,981
Running off with another
guy to Atlantic City.
35
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:21,751
Archie, Blanche
came back to him.
36
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:24,542
That's what I can't forgive.
37
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,491
She should have stood
there in Atlantic City.
38
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:30,460
Everybody'd be better off.
39
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,829
The state of New Jersey would've
had one more fallen woman,
40
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:37,300
but over in Jersey,
they'd never notice that.
41
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:42,372
God forgives
everybody that falls.
42
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:45,608
I know that, Edith.
43
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:48,834
But God expects
more out of women.
44
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:55,051
That's why He coined
the phrase "fallen woman."
45
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:58,355
Why do you think you never
hear nothing about fallen men?
46
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,256
Answer me that.
47
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,625
That's right.
48
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,661
You can't answer that.
49
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:11,401
Maybe it's because so many
men are falling all the time,
50
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:14,292
nobody pays no attention.
51
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,774
Edith, if you can't give me
52
00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:20,877
the right answers
to my questions,
53
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:24,168
then let's bring the
discussion to a merciful end.
54
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,217
Oh, I'm sorry.
55
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:30,453
I'm all packed.
56
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:33,623
Oh, that's good.
57
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,458
Oh, my! You look nice.
58
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,227
What do you mean
you're all packed?
59
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:39,162
When did we decide
to take whosis?
60
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,263
- Stephanie.
- Whatever.
61
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:45,167
Stephie's going to stay at
the O'Briens' for the weekend.
62
00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:47,670
You got her staying
another weekend
63
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,171
with them Catholics there?
64
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:51,407
They'll drag her
off to Mass again.
65
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:53,810
But I like it.
66
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,512
Can I have some money
for the collection plate?
67
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:57,847
Oh, no dice.
68
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,049
I ain't gonna give you no money
69
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,584
for a Catholic collection plate.
70
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:03,686
But I'll tell you what I'll do.
71
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:07,150
I'll give you a buck, you
can shoot it on a bingo game.
72
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,060
Archie, that's gambling.
73
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,297
That's one of the
main things they do.
74
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:18,334
She shouldn't be staying with them
people anyway. What is the matter?
75
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,802
Ain't there other people
in the neighborhood
76
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,337
here with kids?
77
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:24,440
Hey, the Blooms. They
got a kid like you, ain't they?
78
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:27,576
Yeah, Amy Bloom.
She's in my class, too.
79
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,546
She said I can sleep
over any time I want to.
80
00:04:30,570 --> 00:04:32,882
Well, there you go.
That will be better.
81
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,117
And I can go to
Mass with them, too.
82
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:37,754
Oh, no, no. You can't do that.
83
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:41,591
No, Mass with the
Blooms, no, kiddo.
84
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,426
See, the Blooms are Jewish,
85
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,195
and they go to a temple,
86
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,998
and they have their
Sundays on Saturdays.
87
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,366
That's neat!
88
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,502
I can go to temple on Saturday
89
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,738
and church on Sunday.
90
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,505
Holy cow.
91
00:04:56,529 --> 00:05:00,476
Well, then on Monday, you might
as well shave the hair off your head
92
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,268
and go beat your tangerine
with the "hairy knishes."
93
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,483
Okay, Edith, that's settled now.
94
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,919
The next time, it's
gonna be the Blooms
95
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,355
'cause they ain't
gonna convert the kid.
96
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:16,226
You see, one of the good
things about the Jews is...
97
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,426
they don't want you.
98
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,096
Oh, there they are!
99
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,799
Stephie, you go down
and get in the car.
100
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,167
Okay!
101
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,236
We're gonna drop
you at the O'Briens'.
102
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,605
Hiya, Barney!
We'll be right down.
103
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:31,006
Come on, Arch.
Hurry up, will you?
104
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:32,709
Hello, Archie.
105
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:36,279
Oh, hello there, Blanche.
106
00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:39,249
Archie, hurry up. Here we go.
107
00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:42,518
Hold it, Edith, let's not
forget this other big bag here.
108
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:43,653
Oh, sure.
109
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,288
Here.
110
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:46,745
I got this here.
111
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,596
Okay, here we go. 1-nothin'. 9!
112
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:58,401
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
113
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:00,836
Oh, you just
missed going to jail.
114
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,405
All right, clear
the decks there.
115
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:03,906
All right. Here,
I'm shooting now.
116
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,808
Here we go. What did I get?
117
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:06,942
- 6!
- 6 there.
118
00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:10,647
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
119
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,415
I can count by myself!
120
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,984
That is Virginia
Avenue, which I own.
121
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,219
Yeah, okay.
122
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,453
Now it's my turn.
123
00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:18,754
Go ahead, Edith, go ahead.
124
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,055
Oh, come on, Daddy.
125
00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:22,113
Mommy needs a new pair of shoes.
126
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:27,786
Don't spit on the dice, Edith.
127
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:30,967
- 7!
- 7!
128
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:34,603
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7!
129
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:38,808
Short Line Railroad,
$200. Can I buy it?
130
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,010
- No, you can't buy it.
- Why not?
131
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,846
Because you already own it.
132
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:46,081
Oh, good.
133
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,206
Then I don't have to pay.
134
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,086
- What did you get, Blanche?
- 6!
135
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:54,424
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
136
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:57,360
Hey! You took a
walk on my Boardwalk.
137
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:58,728
Happens to have a hotel,
138
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,564
and the rent for that
is 2,000 simoleons.
139
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:06,569
Okay, 16, 1650.
Okay, I owe you $350.
140
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,404
- No owings.
- No owings, Blanche.
141
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,440
- Strictly cash.
- Strictly cash.
142
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:13,142
- Then lend it to me.
- No lendings.
143
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:16,646
Oh, Barney, you're as cheap
with this as you are with real money.
144
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:20,182
And you're as loose with it
as you are with my money.
145
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,689
Well, whose turn is it?
146
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,791
Hey, Blanche, learn the game.
147
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:31,427
If you need more money, you
oughta mortgage some of your houses
148
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,029
or sell your property.
149
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,832
If I do that, I'll lose money,
and I won't collect any rents.
150
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:38,500
He'd lend it to me if
he wasn't so cheap.
151
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:40,336
It's not a matter of cheap.
152
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,004
It's against the
rules of the game.
153
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,840
No, it's 'cause you're so cheap.
154
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,542
After all, rules are
made to be broken.
155
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:49,167
Well, you oughta know.
156
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,822
Whose turn is it?
157
00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:02,258
I oughta know what?
158
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:05,094
Nothing. Come on,
let's play the game.
159
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,662
- Yeah, play the game.
- Come on!
160
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,263
Okay, Barney, if
you're so cheap,
161
00:08:08,287 --> 00:08:10,121
you can have all my property!
162
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,128
This is a shame.
163
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,443
Keep out of it!
164
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,780
This is a private argument.
165
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:26,482
All right, Blanche, all
right, keep it private, then...
166
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:30,219
You know, between Barney and
you and the guy that got to you.
167
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,491
That does it!
168
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,793
You see what you've
started, Barney?
169
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:41,097
You promised you would never
mention that exterminator again,
170
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:44,255
and now you've got
fatso talkin' about it.
171
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,803
You hear your friend here?
172
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:49,438
Do you hear your friend?
173
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,207
- I think we're all tired.
- Don't gloss it over.
174
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,309
I think maybe we
should go to bed.
175
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,311
Barney's not sleeping with me.
176
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,945
He can find another bed.
177
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:58,847
Where am I supposed to go?
178
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:01,606
Well, try your hotel
on the Boardwalk!
179
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,788
Now, look here, Blanche.
180
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,791
Stop kidding
around. I need a bed.
181
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:11,827
Maybe you can squeeze
in with him and Edith.
182
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:13,530
Is she kiddin'?
183
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:16,187
Yeah, she's kiddin'.
184
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,470
Okay, Blanche, is that
the way you want it?
185
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,072
That's the way I want it!
186
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,307
Well, wait a minute, hold it!
187
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:28,144
That ain't the way I want it.
188
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:31,246
I wouldn't be caught
dead in your bed!
189
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:34,505
If you were, I wouldn't
notice the difference.
190
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,884
She wouldn't
notice the difference.
191
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:52,390
Oh, Barney, that was
a piece of surgery.
192
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:02,979
Did you see where he went?
193
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:06,404
Oh, yeah, our bedroom.
194
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,566
What's with the hat?
195
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:27,369
It's rainin' over the terlet.
196
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:28,760
That happens.
197
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:33,642
You'd think you'd fix
that hole in the roof.
198
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:36,134
Keeps it nice
and fresh in there.
199
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,449
Let me tell you
something, Barney.
200
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,886
This here is very unnatural.
201
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,889
- Huh?
- I mean, you, me...
202
00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,224
This is the kind of thing
203
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,081
that sent Anita O'Bryant
around the bend.
204
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,830
That's a very
good-lookin' woman.
205
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,333
Who cares?
206
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,368
And you're on
my side of the bed.
207
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:02,138
It also happens to
be my side of the bed.
208
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,673
I suppose you ain't movin', huh?
209
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:06,475
- You got it.
- Aah, I got no use for you.
210
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,778
If you had any guts
at all, you'd go in there
211
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,369
and you'd force
yourself on your wife.
212
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:16,385
All this trouble tonight,
it's all Blanche's fault.
213
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:18,487
I don't want to hear
that name again.
214
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,122
Blanche, Blanche, Blanche!
215
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:21,790
What do you want?
216
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:23,859
Who's talkin' to you?
217
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:26,150
It sounded like you, fatso!
218
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,904
Hey, Barney.
219
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,239
Huh?
220
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:39,875
You know them
big country spiders
221
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:42,933
with the eight hairy legs
and the seven red eyes?
222
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,214
Yeah.
223
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,049
You know they're very dangerous.
224
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:49,518
Well, I just seen
one crawl under you.
225
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,254
Aah! Aah! Ohh!
226
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:53,689
Get him off! Get him off!
227
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,257
Oh, hey, is he on me?
228
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:57,526
No, no. Barney. It's
okay. You're safe.
229
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,496
I just crushed it
with my behind.
230
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,998
- Boy, what a low-down trick.
- Ha ha ha!
231
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,533
You'd resort to
anything, won't you?
232
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,635
Quit your beefing.
Quit your beefing.
233
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:07,870
Don't fight, boys!
234
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,738
Try to be happy together!
235
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:11,996
- Ah, shut up!
- Shut up!
236
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:16,946
Didn't anybody try to
warn you about Blanche
237
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,781
before you got married to her?
238
00:12:18,805 --> 00:12:21,217
Yeah, a couple of people.
239
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,053
But I didn't pay any
attention to them
240
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,511
because I knew they didn't
like her from the beginning.
241
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:28,581
Who were they?
242
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,549
Her mother and father.
243
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,733
Ohh.
244
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:41,237
Oh, Blanche, don't worry.
245
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:44,706
Everything's going to
be all right in the morning.
246
00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:46,142
All right for who?
247
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,011
For you and Barney.
248
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:51,947
And Archie, if
he can ever forget
249
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,605
that he spent the
night with a man.
250
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,052
Edith.
251
00:12:57,076 --> 00:13:00,311
Oh, look at your face.
252
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:04,488
Didn't you ever think
of leaving Archie?
253
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,997
Oh, Blanche.
254
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,066
Well, didn't you? Didn't you?
255
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,767
Come on, you can tell me.
256
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,492
Well, once.
257
00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:20,164
I thought he was having
an affair with another woman.
258
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:22,411
Was he?
259
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:26,482
Oh, Archie could never do that.
260
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:29,106
I didn't think he could.
261
00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:34,690
But you, Edith.
262
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:38,027
Didn't you ever have an
affair with another man?
263
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:40,529
Oh, Blanche.
264
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:43,299
Come on, tell me.
Come on. Come on.
265
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,588
Come on, tell me.
266
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,571
Well...
267
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:51,840
why would I want another man
268
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:53,797
when I got Archie?
269
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,500
That's why.
270
00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:04,208
Archie's the only man for me.
271
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,738
He can't be much of a lover.
272
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:14,230
Blanche, I'd rather
not talk about it.
273
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,587
Oh, that bad, huh?
274
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:20,436
No, I didn't say that.
275
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,272
Just between us, you know?
276
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,308
Two old friends, girl
talk. Let's be honest.
277
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:29,578
Now, on a scale of 1 to 10,
278
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:30,979
as a lover,
279
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:34,984
I would put Barney
at about 1 1/2.
280
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:37,208
Oh...
281
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,511
Oh!
282
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,460
Ho ho ho.
283
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,629
Where would you put Archie?
284
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:48,363
Oh.
285
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:54,670
I never heard of
a scale like that.
286
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,740
Call it The Bedroom Scale.
287
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,747
Put Archie on it!
288
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:08,851
I can't even get Archie
on the bathroom scale.
289
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,461
You hear that, Barney?
290
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,018
They're laughin' at you.
291
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,367
Oh, yeah?
292
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:27,871
How do you know they
ain't laughin' at you?
293
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,476
Well...
294
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,099
Well, I'll find out.
295
00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:41,806
Oh, my God.
296
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:45,221
You know, Blanche,
with that face,
297
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,889
you could stand
outside the cabin
298
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,158
and keep the bears away.
299
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:52,894
Archie, if you was
the last man on Earth
300
00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:55,063
and I was the last woman,
301
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:57,521
I'd start lookin' at bears.
302
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:02,926
Wait a minute, you can't
escape me in the terlet.
303
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:05,674
Hey, don't do nothing yet.
304
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,710
Get out of here!
305
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,812
If I was the last man on Earth
306
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,780
and you was the last woman,
307
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,438
I would go to bed with a bush.
308
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:20,289
Archie, is something wrong?
309
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,158
The only thing wrong is
there's no lock on that door
310
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,226
to lock her the
hell out of here.
311
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:25,227
Look out, Edith.
312
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:28,263
What are you doin'?
313
00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:30,265
I'm gettin' in bed with my wife,
314
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:33,335
the same as I done
for the last 28 years.
315
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:34,336
29!
316
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,938
Yeah, whatever.
317
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,039
Ahh.
318
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:38,941
Of course it's
not only my habit,
319
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:43,812
but it happens to be a
husband's con-jungle right.
320
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:47,616
And a wife's
convivial obligation.
321
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:52,221
But Blanche is
comin' right back.
322
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:56,559
Let her go and get into
bed with her husband there,
323
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:59,528
which is a habit that
she oughta get back into.
324
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:02,286
And I hope the two of
them punch each other out.
325
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:07,570
Don't be looking at
me with the two eyes.
326
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,672
Close them eyes.
327
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,341
And you go to sleep.
328
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,809
The two of us,
329
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,444
we make out, if she comes back,
330
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,313
like we're dead to the world.
331
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:20,771
Now, come on, Edith, lights out.
332
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:28,312
Brrr! Am I cold!
333
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:39,457
Edith.
334
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,399
Hmm...
335
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,671
Give me a little room, will you?
336
00:17:56,943 --> 00:18:02,413
Blanche, I think you'd
better turn on the light.
337
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:08,118
Edith, this doesn't
feel like you.
338
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:14,992
That's because
you're feelin' me.
339
00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:26,948
Don't it strike you
funny, Blanche,
340
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,951
that the only guy who
could ever get rid of you
341
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:31,776
was an exterminator?
342
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:37,448
Well, he'd sure know how
to handle a louse like you.
343
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:45,801
Archie, I think you'd better
go back to bed with Barney.
344
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:49,171
No, let her go back
to bed with Barney!
345
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,939
You go back to bed with Barney!
346
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,675
This is my bed!
347
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,276
Well, let me tell you something.
348
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,179
Whilst my wife is in
this bed, this is my bed.
349
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,581
And I will not
get out of this bed
350
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:01,483
until my wife gets out of it.
351
00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:04,686
Then I'll get out of it.
352
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,556
And leave me in it with Archie?
353
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,325
Oh!
354
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:12,727
Oh, no.
355
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:16,298
Ahh, Blanche, maybe Barney
took you back and forgive you,
356
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,467
but not the world and not me.
357
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,670
Archie Bunker speaks
for the world, I suppose.
358
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:24,739
When the world is
doin' right, I speak for it.
359
00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:27,264
When it's doin'
wrong, I speak to it.
360
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,467
What a dummy.
361
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,416
I'll tell you something
else, Blanche.
362
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,218
At this point in time,
363
00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:40,422
the world and me is
very disappointed in you.
364
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:41,924
We are very sorry
365
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:45,582
that you have turned
into a "pyronymphiac."
366
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:52,101
Archie, be nice.
367
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,670
Edith, this is as nice as I get.
368
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,293
What the hell is go...
369
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:05,214
Well, excuse me!
370
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,449
This is all your fault, Barney.
371
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,151
I didn't want to fight up here.
372
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:11,053
It ain't what it looks like!
373
00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:12,955
It was an accident!
374
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,990
See, Blanche went
into the bathroom
375
00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:17,760
to... to... to get
ready, you know.
376
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,863
And then she jumped
into bed with Archie.
377
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:24,466
I mean, she thought
Archie was me.
378
00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:25,867
Get out of here.
379
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:29,671
If you was a gentleman, you
wouldn't be in bed with me.
380
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:32,507
You get out of here.
381
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:33,875
If you was a lady,
382
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:36,500
you certainly wouldn't
be in bed with me.
383
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:42,684
This is my bed, and
I am gonna stay in it!
384
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:46,188
Okay, Blanche, any
woman who insists
385
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,490
on remaining in bed
with Archie Bunker
386
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,914
has got to face
the consequentials.
387
00:20:53,552 --> 00:20:57,566
I can't resist it, Blanche!
I can't resist it, Blanche!
388
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,435
What happened?
389
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:01,659
Your best friend
tried to attack me!
390
00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:04,595
A likely story!
391
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,210
Well, you heard
him, it's a likely story!
392
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:10,012
What's the use?
393
00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:12,647
You don't believe
anything I say.
394
00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:15,117
Oh, Blanche, listen to me.
395
00:21:15,141 --> 00:21:17,386
Everybody, this
whole thing started
396
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:20,356
because of a little fight
over Monopoly money.
397
00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:21,890
Oh, no, no, no, Edith.
398
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,458
It goes way deeper than that.
399
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,327
Archie's right.
400
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:27,762
It isn't just Monopoly money.
401
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,097
I made a mistake,
402
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:32,100
and now everybody
reminds me of it...
403
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,436
Barney's family, my family,
404
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:37,105
the whole neighborhood.
405
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,507
Maybe Archie's right.
406
00:21:39,531 --> 00:21:42,177
Maybe he is speaking
for the whole world.
407
00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:45,547
Oh, well, there's no
maybes about that, Blanche.
408
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:48,016
Well, what does
everybody want me to do?
409
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,951
Disappear? Put my
head in the oven?
410
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:52,021
Oh, no, don't do that.
411
00:21:52,045 --> 00:21:55,958
No, that would be a sin,
but you could disappear.
412
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,725
Knock it off, will you, Arch?
413
00:21:57,749 --> 00:22:00,262
I'm trying to be your
pal, I'm on your side.
414
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:02,097
No, wait a minute.
415
00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:04,566
Listen to me, Blanche.
416
00:22:04,590 --> 00:22:07,136
All that's really important
417
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:11,140
is how you and Barney
feel about each other.
418
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:14,643
It's like what my Aunt
Frida from Freeport
419
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,011
always used to say...
420
00:22:16,035 --> 00:22:19,547
"You can't run away
from your own head,
421
00:22:19,571 --> 00:22:22,350
so you might as well
make friends with it."
422
00:22:22,374 --> 00:22:26,155
So let's everybody make friends
423
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:30,192
with their own heads
and shake hands.
424
00:22:30,216 --> 00:22:31,994
Come on, Archie!
425
00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,162
All right, Edith.
426
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:36,231
No, no, shake
hands with Blanche.
427
00:22:36,255 --> 00:22:37,733
Why should I shake
hands with her?
428
00:22:37,757 --> 00:22:40,135
She should be shaking hands
with him and him with her.
429
00:22:40,159 --> 00:22:42,471
After all, this is the guy
that she done wrong.
430
00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:44,005
Archie Bunker!
431
00:22:44,029 --> 00:22:46,375
Will you stay out of this?
432
00:22:46,399 --> 00:22:47,743
Talkin' the truth.
433
00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:50,945
Blanche, honey, listen
to me. Edith is right.
434
00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:53,148
The only thing
that's really important
435
00:22:53,172 --> 00:22:55,784
is how we feel about each other.
436
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:58,186
And I think you're beautiful.
437
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:01,045
I think you're
beautiful, too, Barney.
438
00:23:03,015 --> 00:23:05,393
Oh.
439
00:23:05,417 --> 00:23:09,264
Archie, ain't that nice?
440
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:11,066
I think it's stupid.
441
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,401
Come on, honey.
442
00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:15,337
We'll grab a few Z's, huh?
443
00:23:15,361 --> 00:23:16,638
Good night!
444
00:23:16,662 --> 00:23:18,740
Wait a minute, wait a
minute! Hold it, Barney!
445
00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:20,475
Where the hell you
think you're going?
446
00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:21,743
To bed.
447
00:23:21,767 --> 00:23:23,711
To bed there? Well, I mean...
448
00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:26,014
But daybreak is
breaking over here...
449
00:23:26,038 --> 00:23:27,482
At least out there.
450
00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:29,785
That's why it's
time to go to bed.
451
00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:31,553
No, it's time to
get into the boat
452
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:33,455
and get out on the
lake to fish, fish, fish!
453
00:23:33,479 --> 00:23:35,958
We came up here to fish.
The fish are jumpin' there.
454
00:23:35,982 --> 00:23:38,460
Why are you lookin'
at me as if I was a nut?
455
00:23:38,484 --> 00:23:41,196
'Cause that's the way you look.
456
00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:43,598
Don't look at me no more, huh?
457
00:23:43,622 --> 00:23:46,468
Just go into the kitchen
there, will you, please?
458
00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:48,002
And make coffee and make toast.
459
00:23:48,026 --> 00:23:50,038
Blanche, will you go
into the kitchen there
460
00:23:50,062 --> 00:23:52,073
and make the eggs
and make bacon, huh?
461
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,676
Barney, don't stand there.
Make the... make the beds.
462
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:56,745
And what are you gonna make?
463
00:23:56,769 --> 00:23:57,813
I...
464
00:23:57,837 --> 00:23:59,381
am gonna make...
465
00:23:59,405 --> 00:24:01,872
believe that none of
this ever happened.
466
00:24:42,882 --> 00:24:45,494
All in the Family was
played to a studio audience
467
00:24:45,518 --> 00:24:47,217
for live responses.
468
00:24:47,267 --> 00:24:51,817
Repair and Synchronization by
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