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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:04,936 ? Boy, the way Glenn Miller played 2 00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,040 ? Songs that made the hit parade 3 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:11,210 ? Guys like us, we had it made 4 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,678 ? Those were the days 5 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116 ? And you knew where you were then 6 00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352 ? Girls were girls and men were men 7 00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,587 ? Mister, we could use a man 8 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,891 ? Like Herbert Hoover again 9 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,660 ? Didn't need no welfare states 10 00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,897 ? Everybody pulled his weight 11 00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:36,101 ? Gee, our old LaSalle ran great 12 00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:41,440 ? Those were the days ? 13 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:49,074 -== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==- 14 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:58,490 ? Someday my prince will come 15 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:03,095 ? Someday my prince will come 16 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:14,072 ? Someday my prince will come ? 17 00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:17,442 Hey, Snow White, your prince just come! 18 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:20,512 Archie! 19 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:25,384 Hello, Archie. Did you have a nice day? 20 00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,521 Oh, I guess you didn't. 21 00:01:30,590 --> 00:01:35,093 How am I gonna have a nice day on that diet you put me on? 22 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:37,596 I had a hungry day, Edith. 23 00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,834 How's a man gonna work eight hard hours a 24 00:01:39,858 --> 00:01:42,267 day on what you put in that lunch box, there? 25 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:48,940 I gave you carrot sticks, tuna salad and an orange. That's a very healthy lunch. 26 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:52,711 You know what I done with that healthy lunch, Edith? 27 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,480 I threw the carrots to the birds. 28 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:58,850 I threw the tuna fish to the warehouse cat. 29 00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:01,486 And I threw the orange at some of them Krishna Hare 30 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,795 shave-heads who was going by. 31 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:08,960 Oh, Archie, I know it's hard for you to diet. 32 00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:11,207 It's hard, Edith, because I hate it. 33 00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:14,833 But Dr. Nelson says you gotta lose 25 pounds, 34 00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:19,037 and you gotta take them pills, so your blood pressure stays down. 35 00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:21,339 Aw, ...to Dr. Nelson. 36 00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:25,377 Let me tell you somethin', doctors never get hungry, Edith. 37 00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:28,246 I'm shovin' around heavy crates all day long, 38 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:31,955 the heaviest thing Dr. Nelson shoves is a thermometer. 39 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:35,486 Poor Archie! 40 00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:39,724 The first three days of a diet is always the hardest 41 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:44,196 but Mike and Gloria and me are dietin', too, to keep you company. 42 00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:48,566 You know what they say, misery is the best company! 43 00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:50,435 Don't do that, Edith! 44 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,549 I'll tell you somethin' about misery. Misery wants beer! 45 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:56,841 Oh, no! 46 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:59,221 No! Your heart, your heart! Edith, I'm tired. I gotta have a beer. 47 00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:02,447 Your heart, Archie, you gotta watch your heart and lose weight. 48 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:05,717 I lost enough already, Edith. The pants are hangin' off me, look at this! 49 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,386 I can slip a finger, right down in there. 50 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:10,555 See that? 51 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,835 And that's as much meat as I had on that belly for the last three days! 52 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,393 Edith, Edith, please! You don't need no beer! 53 00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:20,298 Edith, while you are talkin' here, you are standin' on the tail of a mouse. 54 00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,936 Archie, put that down! I'm gonna put it down. 55 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,739 Right down this gut here. No! No! Oh, look, Archie! 56 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,174 There's a spider on your collar! 57 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:41,219 You wrenched that can out of this hand? 58 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:46,791 Yeah, and every time I see a can in your hand, I'm gonna wrench it! 59 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:49,494 Come on, Edith, give me the beer. 60 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:02,174 Do you realize how ridiculous you are, doin' this here? 61 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,276 I'm gonna count three, Edith, and I want that beer. 62 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,646 One. Two. Three. 63 00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,416 All right. Now, that's nice. I'm so thirsty when I get... 64 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:17,689 What the hell... I got a dingbat revolution on my hands here? 65 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,091 Edith! Edith, you are my wife! 66 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,893 And I don't wanna be your widow! 67 00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,830 Edith. Edith. 68 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,667 If you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do with that beer, 69 00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:30,068 please don't. 70 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:42,580 The most heart-breaking sound I ever heard. 71 00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,982 You're gonna thank me for this later. 72 00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:46,684 It's for your own good. 73 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:50,521 Everything for my own good is no damn good! 74 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,523 Hey, folks. How're you doing? - Hi! 75 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:54,671 Joey's here. My little Joey. 76 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,228 He ain't got no hair on him yet. 77 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,275 I think I'll take him upstairs. Oh, I'll help you. 78 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,110 I'll do it. I'll do it. 79 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,946 Hello, hello my little chubby. Thanks, Ma. 80 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,481 You're gettin' so chubby, 81 00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,516 you're gonna have to go on a diet, too. 82 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:10,042 Hey, hey, hey. Hey, Meathead, get over here. 83 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,588 Hey, Arch, how's the old diet comin', huh? 84 00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:15,280 Stop that! Stop that! 85 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,081 You got any beer over at your house? 86 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,583 What do you want with beer? 87 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,520 Edith threw my last one down the toilet. 88 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:25,290 Well, what's the difference? It would've wound up there anyway. 89 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,495 Dogs off the coffee table. Dogs off the coffee table. 90 00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:33,899 Daddy, you know you're not supposed to sneak beer when you're on a diet. 91 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:36,268 I hate the diet! 92 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,503 Well, so does Michael. But he's stickin' to his! 93 00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,404 Oh, yeah. And then he goes home 94 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,874 and he packs his face with milk and Fig Newtons 95 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,777 Joey's gettin' so smart! 96 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:50,115 I was talkin' to him, and he looked me right in the eye, 97 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,750 like he understood every word I said. 98 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,697 Everybody looks at you that way, Edith, 99 00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,961 they don't wanna make you feel bad. 100 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,036 Thank you, Archie. She likes that. 101 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,504 You hurt me. Good. 102 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,395 Well, I'll get dinner. I'll help you, Ma. 103 00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:07,432 And Daddy, you need exercise, too. 104 00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,467 So, tonight, after dinner, 105 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,470 why don't you and Michael take a nice brisk evening walk? 106 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:17,275 Are you kiddin'? An evening walk in this town? 107 00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,877 You walk too fast, the cops pick you up. 108 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:23,047 You walk too slow, the muggers knock you down. 109 00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:24,782 Well, then skip. 110 00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,920 I do that and the fags are all over me. 111 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,724 That's 'cause you're so pretty. 112 00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:39,096 Why is everybody worryin' about me, I'm as healthy as a horse. 113 00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:42,367 When I die, it ain't gonna be from nothin' serious. 114 00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:46,349 You know what you ought to do, Arch? What I do. 115 00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:49,373 Jogging in place. It's great for the circulation. 116 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:51,843 You jog? Sure. 117 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,780 I'd love to see that. Oh, I'll show you. 118 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,250 Dinner! Coming! 119 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,990 That's what he does, he jogs to the table. 120 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,959 This looks good. Yeah. 121 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,928 Very slimming, too. I can't wait. 122 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,373 Here, I'll give you some meat. 123 00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:12,975 Hold it, hold it. Oh, thanks, honey. 124 00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,311 Hold it, Edith. Edith. There you go, that's enough, thank you. 125 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,969 This is a meal for four human beings? 126 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:21,372 Yeah, it's turkey. 127 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:25,010 That ain't turkey, that's notepaper. 128 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:28,379 Stop complaining, would you? If we can diet, you can. 129 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:31,415 Yeah, don't you have any will power? No! 130 00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:34,085 What do you call this? Zucchini. 131 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,354 Looks like a cooked pickle. 132 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,090 You're only allowed one. 133 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,159 Who the hell wants more? 134 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:45,196 And here's your slice of bread. 135 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,166 And a spoonful of peas. Oh, jeez. 136 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:51,436 Mmm. 137 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:54,650 Hey, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute there. 138 00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:57,475 Look... Look, look, look at this here. 139 00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:01,713 He's got about 18 peas over there, I only got about 12. 140 00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:05,684 You're actually counting the peas? 141 00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:07,496 Why not? If we're all gonna starve, 142 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,989 we might as well start out even here. 143 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:13,558 All right, Arch. I'll give you three of my peas. 144 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,304 There you go. Oh, look at this, 145 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:19,964 with his big fingers all over them. I ain't gonna eat them now. 146 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,833 I want some butter here. 147 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:25,737 Oh, no. You had today's butter this morning. 148 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:29,040 Could I make a loan on tomorrow? 149 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:32,610 No, if I give you tomorrow's butter today, 150 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,847 then you couldn't have today's bread with tomorrow's butter, 151 00:08:35,915 --> 00:08:38,850 because if you use tomorrow's butter on today's bread, 152 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:42,653 then you can't have tomorrow's flounder, which is... 153 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,763 Unless, you wanna give up today's olive. 154 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:59,837 For this much butter, I'd throw the olive on the floor. 155 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,718 Where's the butter, Edith, I want butter! 156 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,153 Oh, Joey's crying. There's Joey! 157 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:05,709 I'll go! I'll go. 158 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:07,156 What are you talkin' about? 159 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,791 She's the only one who can give him what he wants, 160 00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:10,448 get me coffee. 161 00:09:34,774 --> 00:09:36,040 What? 162 00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,210 What are you doin' there? 163 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,780 I'm eatin'. 164 00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:44,482 I can see that, you're doin' it wrong. 165 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,551 What are you talkin' about? 166 00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,832 You're almost finished your peas there, 167 00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,668 and you ain't even started that other what do you call it? 168 00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,859 Zucchini? Yeah, whatever. 169 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:58,262 I was gonna eat the zucchini, after I finish the peas. 170 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:02,133 Then when are you gonna get to the turkey? After the zucchini. 171 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,769 That's dumb. 172 00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,909 Can't you eat like a normal person? 173 00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:13,978 What's normal? 174 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,258 You're supposed to eat a little of the peas, 175 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,050 then a little bit of the kuzini there, 176 00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:23,187 Zucchini. Whatever. 177 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:26,057 Then you take a little of the turkey there. 178 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,660 You see that? So, you get a good mixture there, 179 00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,062 that's what you call a balanced meal. 180 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,968 Arch, you've been watching me eat for six years, 181 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,436 how come you never mentioned this before? 182 00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:40,916 Because you're eatin' slow tonight. 183 00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:43,341 Before your fork was always a blur. 184 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:51,193 Don't keep doin' what I tell you is wrong there. 185 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:54,330 I'm tryin' to teach you somethin' about your system there. 186 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,454 Listen, listen to me. 187 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,634 You're supposed to eat a little of the peas, 188 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,235 then a little of the kuzini there, 189 00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:01,926 then a little of the turkey. 190 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:04,540 So that you get the even mix goin' down, see? 191 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:07,743 And it goes to all parts of your body, even, at the same time. 192 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,478 You know what I'm talking about? 193 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,147 The way you eat there, a lump of this, a lump of that, 194 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,838 a lump of this over here. 195 00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:18,443 Everything goes to different parts, in different ways, see? 196 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:22,247 Basics, I don't know, well, maybe, uh, maybe your lung could get all of the peas. 197 00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:34,658 The kuzini could all rush to a foot. 198 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:44,468 The turkey. I don't know, maybe the turkey'll all go to your heart. 199 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:47,372 There's too much meat in your heart. 200 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,474 You can get what you call a coronial trombonesis. 201 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,281 You know, I never thought of that. 202 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,082 Well, I'm telling you. 203 00:11:58,151 --> 00:12:01,319 That's why your most perfect food is your sandwich 204 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:04,923 and especially, your hero sandwich, see? 205 00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:08,391 Because everything you got in there. You got in there, your meats is there, 206 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,662 your cheese is there, your tomato sauce is in there. 207 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,732 Delicious bread on the top, delicious bread on the bottom. 208 00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:18,136 You take a bite of that and everything is all nice and mixed up there. 209 00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:22,173 And it goes down, all mixed, see, with each bite, 210 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,582 And is it good. 211 00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:38,736 I gotta have a sandwich, Meathead. 212 00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:39,957 Arch! 213 00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:41,525 Don't do it, Arch! 214 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:44,562 He's gonna have a sandwich, Ma. He's gonna eat a sandwich. 215 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,241 You gotta lose weight. What're you gonna do? 216 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,177 Throw the whole refrigerator down the toilet? Shame! 217 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:51,803 Shame, shame, shame. Now, come on, go in there and have your coffee. 218 00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,548 Mike, bring the coffee. I like sugar in the coffee. 219 00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:55,284 And I wanna lot of sugar in it. No sugar. 220 00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,474 No sugar. GLORIA: Gimme a hand up here, Ma 221 00:12:57,543 --> 00:13:00,844 Oh, dear, Gloria! Uh, uh, Mike, hurry up. 222 00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:04,782 Come in here, watch Archie, so he don't sneak nothin'. 223 00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:11,122 Ma! Don't worry, Ma, I'm guardin' the refrigerator. 224 00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:23,234 What did you say out there? 225 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,672 I didn't say anything. 226 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,135 I want that! 227 00:13:57,203 --> 00:14:01,138 Arch. Just because I weakened, that doesn't mean... Give me that! 228 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:02,706 You give me that sandwich! 229 00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,286 He was gonna eat it! He was gonna eat it, Ma! 230 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,610 You ain't gonna get no fattening foods in this house. 231 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,981 Okay, Edith, to hell with the diet! Then I'm gonna take my meals out! 232 00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,882 Oh, no, Archie, no! 233 00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,496 I don't care, I can't stand it! You can't do that, Archie. 234 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,164 No more. Well, where are you goin'? 235 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,068 I'm gonna go out in this town and I'm gonna find any restaurant 236 00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,136 that'll give me something fat to eat. 237 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:25,129 I'm gonna start out in Kelcy's, I'm gonna have a big bowl of greasy chili. 238 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,643 Then I'm goin' up to the Northern Boulevard, to the dago. 239 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,612 And I'm gonna get a big pizza there, 240 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,880 a number 32 with the whole kitchen sink in there. 241 00:14:31,904 --> 00:14:35,306 And I ain't gonna stop there, Edith, I'm goin' to the Colonel next, see? 242 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,008 I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests 243 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:39,744 and smashed potatoes. 244 00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:41,379 Double on the gravy. 245 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:45,350 And then I'm goin' to 31 Flavors, I'm gonna eat 34. 246 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,586 Edith, let me tell you somethin'. 247 00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:52,756 God did not give man a belly, just to hang a button on. 248 00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,292 Archie! 249 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,375 Hey, Kelsey, what happened to my beer? 250 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,611 Comin' up, Munson. Jeez, I'm sorry! 251 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,891 Hey, Kelsey, did you put the garbage out today? 252 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,517 Sure. Something smells rotten. 253 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,253 I'm cookin' Archie's dinner. 254 00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:25,189 If it ain't on the table when he comes in from work, 255 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,869 he screams at me. How long you been feedin' him? 256 00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:30,628 Three nights. Eats here, then he goes home. 257 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,608 Wish I could figure a way to make him stay there. 258 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,143 Why don't you make up some lie, 259 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,607 like the Board of Health condemned your kitchen? 260 00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,971 That ain't no lie, they did. 261 00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:43,640 But, um, I still cook for the people who don't care. 262 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,154 Kelsey, I'm here and I'm hungry. 263 00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:46,811 Hi, Arch. Hiya there, Munson. 264 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,123 Hi, Arch. How are you? 265 00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:49,725 Oh, look at this. Come on here, Kelsey, 266 00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:52,494 look at the table, nothin' here. Dinner, dinner, dinner. 267 00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,752 You'll eat when it's ready. 268 00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:56,965 Is that a way to talk to a workin' man, 269 00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:59,490 comin' home after a hard days' work? 270 00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,526 Arch, I'm at not used to livin' like this, 271 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,234 tell me what it is you want me to say? 272 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,296 Just say somethin', huh? 273 00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:07,410 I don't care, anything nice, why don't you ask me how was my day? 274 00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:08,866 Okay. Arch, how was your day? 275 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:11,769 Oh, you don't give a damn, forget it. 276 00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:13,238 Don't bark at me, I'm your friend, 277 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,705 don't talk to me like your wife. 278 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:18,309 Oh, jeez! I... I'm sorry there, Kelsey, it's just that 279 00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:21,078 you have an apron on and it threw me. You know. 280 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,647 Get me a beer, huh? 281 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,049 Arch, would you do me a favor, please? 282 00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:28,052 Make up with Edith. Beer, beer, beer, huh? 283 00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:31,689 First, I gotta check your dinner, dinner, dinner! 284 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,335 I'm goin' home. No, no, wait a minute, Munson, 285 00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,337 don't be in such a rush. Why don't you sit down here? 286 00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:36,872 I'll treat you to some dinner. No, thanks. 287 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,362 I'm havin' dinner with my wife. 288 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:41,064 Which is what most of America's doin' right now. 289 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,044 How do you know what most of America's doin'? 290 00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,148 Who the hell are you, Eric Sevarules? 291 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,217 Arch, you should go on that diet. 292 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,853 Or they're gonna be buying your coffin in a fat man's store. 293 00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,121 So long. Oh, leave me alone, all right. 294 00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:56,948 Hey, Kelsey, hurry up there, and by the way, what do we got for chow tonight? 295 00:16:57,016 --> 00:17:00,051 We got pork chops, French fries, uh, macaroni. 296 00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:02,130 Yeah, that's what you been givin' me the last two nights. 297 00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:04,199 Yeah, but tonight you got a choice. What? 298 00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:05,590 Eat it or go home. 299 00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:11,996 Whoa! 300 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,665 Hey! 301 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:18,770 Hey, there's Quigley. What are you doin' around here? 302 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:21,272 Just finishin' up my three-mile jog. 303 00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,940 Been doin' it all my life. 304 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:25,020 Hey, can I have a drink of that beer? Yeah, yeah, go ahead. 305 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,278 Help yourself there. Thanks. 306 00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:29,380 Three-mile jog, huh? 307 00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:32,483 Jeez, you're in great shape for a man of 93. 308 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,518 Ninety-two. Don't rush me. 309 00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:38,222 There's your dinner, Arch, there you go. 310 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,202 How does that look? Yeah, well, uh. 311 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:43,806 As soon I hide it with the ketchup, it'll look fine. 312 00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:47,331 That... That greasy kid stuff is gonna kill you, Arch. 313 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,433 Oh, you ought to go on a diet 314 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,647 and lose some weight. Oh, come on, Quigley, 315 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,049 don't give me that, I get enough of that from Edith. 316 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,674 And she's right, too. 317 00:17:56,743 --> 00:18:00,010 Look at me, 92! 318 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:05,449 And I still enjoy, swimmin' and golfing, and biking, all sports! 319 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:08,552 Whoo-pee! That, too. 320 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:17,072 Hey, Quigley, come on, you know, I mean after all, 321 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:21,432 at your age, sex must be down to a handshake, huh? 322 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,768 Yup! Before and after. 323 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,741 In between, it's still whoo-pee! 324 00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:33,143 Oh, good. 325 00:18:33,212 --> 00:18:36,458 Well, uh, can I, uh, give you a taste of this here? 326 00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:38,316 Oh, no thanks. 327 00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:42,586 I wanna live to be as old as that pork chop. 328 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:44,988 You know, you keep eatin' that kind of stuff, 329 00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:46,890 and you ain't gonna be long for this world. 330 00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,527 Oh, now, let me tell you somethin', Quigley. 331 00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:52,696 What you eat, ain't got nothin' to do with how old you are, see? 332 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:55,599 That all depends on your ancestors. 333 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:59,770 It's what they call a matter of heresy, see? 334 00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:04,108 Now, I would bet that you come from a family of long livers. 335 00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:07,978 Hmm, you'd lose that bet, Arch, I'm tellin' you. Looky here. 336 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,580 This is my family tree. 337 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,082 This is my brother, Charlie. 338 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,385 Two hundred and fifty pounds. Loved to eat. 339 00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:17,621 Died, hollering for a waiter. 340 00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,827 This short, fat guy, is my uncle Harry, 341 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,528 he had a double funeral. 342 00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:28,065 One of his pallbearers dropped dead carryin' him. 343 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:32,870 This is fat Aunt Flora. Died at 55. 344 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:35,184 Hey, Quigley, ain't you got nobody alive in there? 345 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:38,876 Nope. Aunt Flora just loved Italian food. 346 00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:41,712 Stuffed herself with it till the day she died. 347 00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:44,915 You know what they put on her tombstone? No. 348 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,784 Rest in pizza. 349 00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:52,623 Hey, why, why are you pesterin' me about the food here, 350 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,636 and showin' me all your dead relations? 351 00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:59,429 Because if you were smart, you'd go on a diet and lower your blood pressure 352 00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:01,498 like Dr. Nelson told you to. 353 00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:04,969 Oh, ho, ho, ho. Hey, wait a minute there. 354 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,816 How do you know about my Dr. Nelson and my blood pressure? 355 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,519 I know how you know, because Edith sent you over here 356 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,544 and she sent you with them pictures, didn't she? 357 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,414 Bunker, take my advice 358 00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:21,051 and don't wind up just a fat memory in somebody's wallet. 359 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,287 Now, you go stick to your diet, 360 00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:26,723 and you'll live to dance at your grandson's wedding. 361 00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:29,860 Think it over, sonny. 362 00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,592 Oh, Archie! 363 00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:04,495 Oh, my! You scared me. It's only me. 364 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,469 Well, I'm home. 365 00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,005 I'm home, too. 366 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,644 Had my dinner at Kelcy's. 367 00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:22,713 Hmm. 368 00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:26,917 I had pork chops, macaroni and cheese, French fries, 369 00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:30,321 topped it all off with a piece of lemon meringe pie. 370 00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:35,526 Bicarbs on the counter. Thanks. 371 00:21:35,594 --> 00:21:38,762 I'll say this for Kelsey, he ain't great, but he's fast. 372 00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:40,497 Oh, Archie, 373 00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:45,202 he deep fries everything in that awful old oil. 374 00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:49,406 He changes his oil. 375 00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,842 'Bout once every 3,000 meals. 376 00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:55,146 It ain't funny. 377 00:21:55,214 --> 00:21:58,215 Archie, if you're gonna go on eatin' that junk food, 378 00:21:58,284 --> 00:22:00,996 that ain't good for you, I could cook it right here at home. 379 00:22:02,421 --> 00:22:05,489 Don't be raising your voice to me there. 380 00:22:05,557 --> 00:22:08,825 And another thing, don't you never do, what you did tonight. 381 00:22:08,895 --> 00:22:11,495 Sending old Quigley over there to spy on me, 382 00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:14,331 with a whole walletful of fat stiffs. 383 00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:19,970 That there is an invasion of my privates. 384 00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:26,143 Archie, I did that for your own good. 385 00:22:26,212 --> 00:22:29,112 I'll make a deal with you. 386 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:33,150 If you'll promise not to eat no dinners no more at Kelcy's, 387 00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:36,654 I'll give you more food here at home. 388 00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:40,658 I'll, uh, I'll make you pork chops once in a while. 389 00:22:40,727 --> 00:22:43,160 And... And French fries, once a week. 390 00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:45,796 And... And macaroni, now and then. 391 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:48,131 And maybe some pie. 392 00:23:03,082 --> 00:23:05,583 Does that mean yes or no? 393 00:23:10,256 --> 00:23:14,992 What do you want to feed me all that fat food for? You wanna kill me, Edith? 394 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:18,328 Archie, look, I'm all mixed up. 395 00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:20,797 Do you wanna go on a diet? Well, now, listen. 396 00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:22,799 It all depends on you, Edith, 397 00:23:22,869 --> 00:23:24,713 when I start screamin' for the fat food, 398 00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:28,172 you gotta hold back, there. You can't give me that, see? 399 00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:32,776 I mean, the reason it's hard for me to stay on this here diet is, 400 00:23:32,845 --> 00:23:34,311 you are weak. 401 00:23:39,385 --> 00:23:40,918 Well, I'm sorry. 402 00:23:42,288 --> 00:23:45,055 I forgive you, we'll say no more about it. 403 00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:46,701 You gotta help me there, Edith. 404 00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:50,194 'Cause, see, I wanna live to be as old as Quigley. 405 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:55,132 I wanna be with you, dancin' at our grandson Joey's wedding. 406 00:23:55,201 --> 00:23:58,235 Oh, Archie! 407 00:23:58,304 --> 00:24:02,072 Oh, it'll be so good cookin' for you and getting old. 408 00:24:02,141 --> 00:24:06,577 Easy, Edith, easy, Edith, easy, easy. Don't be slobberin' all over me. 409 00:24:07,546 --> 00:24:09,613 Did you ever stop to figure 410 00:24:09,682 --> 00:24:11,782 how many calories there is in one slobber? 411 00:24:12,484 --> 00:24:13,817 No, how many? 412 00:24:13,886 --> 00:24:16,653 Oh, an awful lot, Edith. 413 00:24:16,722 --> 00:24:19,162 But the hell with it, give me some calories. 414 00:24:47,753 --> 00:24:50,031 All in the Family was recorded on tape 415 00:24:50,055 --> 00:24:51,888 before a live audience. 416 00:24:52,305 --> 00:25:52,807 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 417 00:25:52,857 --> 00:25:57,407 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33361

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