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1
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? Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played
2
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,040
? Songs that made the hit parade
3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:11,210
? Guys like us, we had it made
4
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? Those were the days
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116
? And you knew
where you were then
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352
? Girls were girls
and men were men
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? Mister, we could use a man
8
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,891
? Like Herbert Hoover again
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,660
? Didn't need no welfare state
10
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,897
? Everybody pulled his weight
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? Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
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? Those were the days ?
13
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14
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Ma, did I use this many
diapers when I was a baby?
15
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:02,627
Oh, oh, more. I couldn't
keep up with you.
16
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:06,998
In my sleep I used to
dream I was washin' diapers,
17
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,501
and in your sleep,
you kept wettin' 'em.
18
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,038
Honey, honey, I got
something to tell you!
19
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:16,674
Wait, wait. First let me
kiss you, then I'll tell you.
20
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:19,511
You have just been kissed by a
guy who is gettin' a big promotion,
21
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,812
a more important fellowship.
22
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:23,715
Oh, Michael!
23
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,129
I'm on my way, honey, and
this is the way I'm gonna kiss you
24
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:28,586
when I'm a professor.
25
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:31,789
And this is the way you're
gonna get kissed when I'm a dean.
26
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:33,325
Oh, oh.
27
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:36,561
Oh.
28
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,464
I think the dean
is the best kisser.
29
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:42,678
Honey, tell me what happened.
30
00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:44,503
Oh, well, it's not definite yet,
31
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,249
but remember when
Dean Winslow gave me
32
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:48,439
the highest recommendation
in Minnesota?
33
00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:52,010
Well, yeah, but that was months
ago. You mean it came through?
34
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:53,778
Minnesota?
35
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,791
Yeah, Ma. As soon as we
hear from Dean Winslow,
36
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:58,228
we're gonna pack up all
our furniture, hop on a plane,
37
00:01:58,252 --> 00:01:59,284
and off we go.
38
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,019
To Minnesota?
39
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:02,153
Yeah.
40
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:04,990
Ain't that the place
where Mary Tyler Moore
41
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,892
keeps losin' her hat?
42
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,174
Ma, it's beautiful there.
43
00:02:11,198 --> 00:02:14,199
Oh, Rhoda and
Phyllis didn't stay there.
44
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,713
Honey, honey,
you're gonna love it.
45
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:20,449
Joey's gonna love it, I'm gonna
love it, Minnesota's gonna love it.
46
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,033
The Vikings, Fran
Tarkenton, here we come!
47
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:28,780
Minnesota. Oh, my.
48
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:30,315
What, Ma?
49
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,417
Oh, nothin', nothin'.
50
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,120
Uh, how far is Minnesota?
51
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,389
Oh, I... I'm not sure.
52
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:39,491
Oh, as far as that, huh?
53
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,629
Aw, Ma, it's not the
other end of the world,
54
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,898
and I'll call you every week,
55
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,834
and I'll write you
every day if you want,
56
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,247
and I'll take lots of pictures
of Joey and send 'em to you,
57
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:52,871
and when he says his first words
58
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:55,039
you can hear 'em
on the telephone.
59
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:56,975
Oh, well, my.
60
00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,945
My grandson is already
makin' phone calls
61
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,048
and I ain't even seen him crawl.
62
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:07,686
Oh, you'll see him
crawl, Ma. I promise you.
63
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:10,589
Mike and I'll come visit
you as often as we can.
64
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,978
Honey, I figured it out. You
know what would be best?
65
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,060
If I flew ahead and I
found a place to live.
66
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,040
You can stay here
and take care of Joey.
67
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:22,367
I think you better figure out how
you're gonna break this to Archie.
68
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:25,603
That's no problem, Ma. We just,
uh, pick a good time to tell him.
69
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,973
There ain't never no good time
70
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,109
to tell bad news to Archie.
71
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:33,212
Well, can't you tell him
when he comes home?
72
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,347
Oh, no. You can't tell him
then 'cause he's hungry.
73
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,428
Well, um, how
about after he eats?
74
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:43,121
You can't tell him then
'cause he's watchin' TV.
75
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:44,423
Then, after TV.
76
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:47,626
Oh, no. You can't do it
then 'cause he's gettin' ready
77
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,828
to go to bed.
78
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,063
Well, Ma, when do
you tell Daddy things?
79
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:55,834
Well, I guess the only time
to tell him is when he's asleep,
80
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,903
but then he... he
don't remember.
81
00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:03,686
Well, whoop-dee-doo,
whoop-dee-doo. Shh, I'll tidy up.
82
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,278
Here we are, back from
a little walk in the park.
83
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,546
Me and little Joey boy here.
84
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:11,883
Okay there, little guy.
Time to leave your grandpa
85
00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:14,252
and rejoin your
daddy over there.
86
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:17,388
That's a lesson to you, see.
All good things come to an end.
87
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:23,395
Oh. Oh, Joey. Oh! Oh!
88
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,764
I tell you now. Don't be
hollerin' at him, will you?
89
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:28,200
You'll give him a
mental sterosis there.
90
00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:34,205
I ain't even seen you crawl yet.
91
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,808
Oh. Oh, oh my,
92
00:04:36,876 --> 00:04:38,988
you're so sleepy. Gee,
what a dingbat thing to say.
93
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,978
How you gonna see him crawl?
94
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:43,481
He ain't even learned
how to slobber yet, yeah?
95
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:49,253
The only thing he knows how
to do good, he's been doin'.
96
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,689
So change him.
97
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:56,561
People have been runnin' away
from us for the last three blocks.
98
00:04:56,630 --> 00:05:01,065
I had to keep smiling so as
they wouldn't think it was me.
99
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,579
I'll change him.
100
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:07,239
Oh, no, no, no, no. I'll
change him, I'll change him.
101
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:11,676
Oh, Joey, did you go
poo-poo in the park?
102
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:16,258
Come on, little girl, get rid
of the carriage here, huh?
103
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:19,228
Aw, jeez, the foot. For
God's sake. Oh, I'm sorry.
104
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:21,464
I get through half
the traffic in New York
105
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:24,128
and I gotta get home and get run
over in my daughter's livin' room.
106
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,558
Well, did you and Joey
have a nice walk in the park?
107
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:31,863
Ah, well, bein' with Joey was
nice, but that park makes me sick.
108
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,833
It's a disgrace,
what's goin' on there.
109
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:38,770
Young couples,
wrestlin' in the grass,
110
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:43,008
doin' things in public that I don't
even dare dream about in private.
111
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:48,380
You know, you're right, Arch.
New York is no place to raise a kid.
112
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,914
Oh, it's awful.
113
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:53,685
Huh. A kid needs to grow
up in a place that has fresh air
114
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,793
and wide-open
spaces. Ah, you said it.
115
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,367
A place like, uh...
Minnesota. Yeah.
116
00:05:58,391 --> 00:05:59,924
Oh, that's a terrific place.
117
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,470
You like it there, huh? Yeah.
118
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,261
We're movin' there.
119
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:08,633
You're what?
120
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,247
Daddy, Michael's up for
a better job in Minnesota.
121
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,571
Yeah, uh, it means more
prestige and a lot more money.
122
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:17,008
Hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait
a minute. What the hell is this?
123
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:19,655
A guy goes out for a little
walk with his grandson
124
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:23,515
and he comes home and finds
that all his loved ones, and you,
125
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,456
are all of a sudden movin'
down south to Minnesota?
126
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,961
Arch, think of Joey.
127
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:39,397
Think of how much better it'll
be for him away from New York.
128
00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:41,711
What the hell's the matter with
New York? It's God's country.
129
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:45,536
If it wasn't, he wouldn't
have put me here.
130
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,084
Come on, Arch, what
about all the dirt and the filth?
131
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,319
And what about all those things
132
00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:51,487
that the couples are
doin' in the grass?
133
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:54,412
They do the same
things in Minnesota.
134
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:58,884
Nobody sees 'em at it out
there 'cause the grass is higher.
135
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,030
Daddy, it's not your
decision to make.
136
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,299
Now, wait a minute, wait a
minute. Listen, listen, little girl.
137
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,690
First of all, first of
all, get away from him.
138
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,159
I wanna talk to
you. Get over here.
139
00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:10,528
Get over there. Come on.
140
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:14,231
Now, listen, what
do you wanna do?
141
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,734
Do you want to break your
darling sweet mother's heart?
142
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,537
Oh, Archie... Shut up.
143
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,726
Break the family
up this way? No.
144
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,441
Come on, Arch.
145
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:24,954
You're the one that's
breakin' the family up.
146
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,523
Why are you taking Gloria
and Joey away from us?
147
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:30,114
Because a wife's place
is with her husband,
148
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,661
and a kid's place
is with his parents.
149
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,018
"A kid's place is with
the parents" is right.
150
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,788
That's why Gloria's gonna
stay with her parents, us.
151
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,367
Daddy. Don't grab her.
152
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:39,691
That's my daughter.
153
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:41,938
I'm not happy about
having to move.
154
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,962
No, I believe
it. It's his fault.
155
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:47,899
But if that's where Michael's
future is, that's where I belong.
156
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,535
Ain't you got nothin'
to say about this?
157
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:53,004
Well, I... Ah, too
long, too long.
158
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,673
The future!
159
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:58,254
Always about the future. The future's
what's wrong with the world today.
160
00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:01,579
There's too much future.
There ain't enough past.
161
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:05,083
People rootin' themselves up,
movin' from one city to another.
162
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,085
What is that?
163
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,265
Kids bein' raised by strangers.
The mothers are out workin'.
164
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,835
The kids never know the
aunts, the uncles, the grandpas.
165
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:15,527
Nothing like that.
Stay out of this.
166
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,774
That's the trouble. They
never get to know old people.
167
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:22,667
And you know why? 'Cause they
don't see 'em till they start muggin' 'em.
168
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,747
Look, Arch, I know how you feel.
169
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,704
You know how I feel?
170
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:29,941
Let me tell you somethin',
wise guy. Get away from here.
171
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:31,876
One of these days,
172
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,557
my little grandson is gonna
come walkin' up to you
173
00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:37,715
with tears streamin' out of his little
eyes, and he's gonna say to you,
174
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,150
"Meathead,
175
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,790
"how is it that I never
had the advantage
176
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,826
"of wise learnin' at
my grandpa's knees?"
177
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:51,262
And you're gonna have
to tell him the truth, buddy.
178
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,997
He was kidnapped.
179
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:55,778
You're not gonna
make me feel guilty!
180
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,346
You're a kidnapper.
I don't feel guilty!
181
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:01,106
You're a kidnapper!
Don't stay here, Edith!
182
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,808
Good night.
183
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,344
You shouldn't feel guilty.
184
00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:08,479
You ain't doin' nothin' wrong.
185
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:13,117
You're Joey's father, and you've
got a right to kidnap your own son.
186
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:19,657
You see, Archie and me
gotta get used to the idea
187
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:23,494
that we won't be
seein' you no more.
188
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,931
And we won't be watchin'
little Joey grow up.
189
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,532
Edith!
190
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,570
Now, don't you feel guilty.
191
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:43,548
Right?
192
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:47,885
Come here, come here.
193
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:50,789
Sit down.
194
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,358
Honey,
195
00:09:56,196 --> 00:10:01,666
this is a great opportunity
for us. Think about it.
196
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:06,071
New job, new friends,
new adventures.
197
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:10,041
That's somethin' to be
really happy about, right?
198
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,309
Uh-huh.
199
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,146
Aren't you happy?
200
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,982
Uh-huh.
201
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:20,051
Honey, uh, "Uh-huh"
is not happy.
202
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,622
Happy is, "Ha-ha-ha!
Hey!" See the difference?
203
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:24,923
Uh-huh.
204
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,471
Don't you wanna go to Minnesota?
205
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,662
Oh, sure I do.
206
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:35,065
But don't you see how much
we mean to Ma and Daddy?
207
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:38,454
I don't think I mean
that much to your father.
208
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,839
Well, Joey does.
209
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:44,008
Oh, Archie'll get over it.
210
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:45,810
Honey,
211
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:49,580
let me hear you say,
"Michael, I'm with you."
212
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,751
Michael, I'm with you.
213
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:59,190
Uh... Show me
some real enthusiasm.
214
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,527
Michael, I'm with you.
215
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,832
That's better.
216
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,244
Mike.
217
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,625
Oh. Hey, John. Can I
see you tomorrow? Sure.
218
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,359
Okay. Hey, how
about lunch today?
219
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:28,452
Sure. Say, I heard you were
up for that job in Minnesota.
220
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,055
Congratulations.
Oh, thanks a lot.
221
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:33,124
I'm up for that same job.
222
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:37,628
Really? Gee, I... I
didn't know that, uh...
223
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,765
Well, congratulations
to you, too.
224
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:43,768
I hate competing with a friend.
I wish it was somebody else.
225
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:47,071
Yeah, me, too. But whatever happens,
we'll still have lunch today, huh?
226
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:49,040
Right.
227
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:51,921
Yeah, well, I guess I'm gonna
have some pretty stiff competition.
228
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,745
I mean, uh,
229
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:56,693
you're qualified and
personable and bright and, uh...
230
00:11:57,516 --> 00:11:58,850
And black?
231
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:03,121
Uh, yeah. Well,
that... that too. Uh...
232
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:05,790
And you're thinkin' that
they may pick me over you
233
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:07,558
because of my color?
234
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:10,861
Well, John, you know
as well as I do that, uh,
235
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:14,043
according to the law, any
university applying for a Federal grant
236
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,367
has to hire minorities.
So, in this situation,
237
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:20,238
your color isn't
exactly gonna hurt you.
238
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:21,773
Ain't that a switch?
239
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:38,590
Honey, you're probably
worrying for no reason.
240
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:43,094
I mean, there's no guarantee they're
gonna pick John Kasten over you.
241
00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,797
No, but it's a good bet.
242
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,198
Just because he's black?
243
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:51,335
Yes. Damn it, it's not fair.
244
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:55,239
You mean it's not fair for guys like
Jon Kasten to get an even break?
245
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,175
But why shouldn't I
get an even break?
246
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,654
I mean, why should
it be held against me
247
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:01,913
just because he was lucky
enough to be born black?
248
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:07,852
Did you hear what you
just said? That was crazy.
249
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:10,688
You know who you're
starting to sound like? Daddy.
250
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:18,863
Don't you ever say a
terrible thing like that to me.
251
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:21,577
Not even your father ever
said anything that awful to me.
252
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:24,168
Sorry. One more
and we're through.
253
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,572
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
254
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:32,543
Suppose I was the
paperboy over here?
255
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,393
Come over here 'cause I
want to read you something
256
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,284
right out of the alnamac here.
257
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,632
I've been lookin' up Minnesota,
258
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,754
and I found out a
few things in here.
259
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,090
Now, this is a hellhole
you're taking my family to.
260
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,693
You know what
they call Minnesota?
261
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:52,330
They call it the Gopher
State. You know why?
262
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:55,333
There's a trillion
gophers out there.
263
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:59,503
They all live in holes.
They call 'em gophers' holes.
264
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:02,140
So, little Joey, takin'
his first few steps,
265
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:06,544
he breaks his legs in
gophers' holes. You want that?
266
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,291
Gloria, we gotta get
a chain for that door.
267
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,481
Yeah. Wait a minute,
wait a minute here.
268
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,383
Here's some more
about Minnesota.
269
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:16,120
In the first place, you was
wrong. It ain't down south at all.
270
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,322
Minnesota is up north.
271
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:22,993
Do you know that the snow is
belly-high to a big Indian up there?
272
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:26,363
You know it's 40 degrees
below zero up there sometime?
273
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,099
Little Joey could freeze
off his fingers and his toes,
274
00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:31,835
not to mention
nothin' more important.
275
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:34,972
Don't laugh over here.
276
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,553
Look, Arch, before you
get yourself all worked up,
277
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,288
we may not even
be goin' to Minnesota.
278
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:42,124
There's somebody else up for
the job and he happens to be black.
279
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:45,750
Oh, well, then you're off to Minnesota.
A black guy ain't goin' nowheres.
280
00:14:45,819 --> 00:14:49,459
Arch, uh, these days colleges
are hirin' blacks over whites.
281
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:57,328
Well, it is high time.
282
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:06,504
Too long, colored guys ain't
been gettin' an even break there.
283
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:10,374
Too long, they've been gettin'
the short end of the totem pole.
284
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,811
I don't believe it.
285
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,747
Well, you better believe
it. You better believe it.
286
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:20,084
You shouldn't go out there and
take a job away from that guy.
287
00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:23,621
Oh, it turns out that you're
the guy against the colored.
288
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,423
I never was.
289
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,694
I want to go on record as sayin'
something right here and now.
290
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,462
If it was up to me, I'd send
every colored guy in New York
291
00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:33,998
to Minnesota.
292
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,003
That I believe.
293
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,351
You know somethin'? Hello?
294
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,319
I am shocked with you. I am
shocked with you! Yeah... Hey...
295
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:45,721
Will you get out of here?
Daddy, he's on the phone.
296
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,785
Your husband over there,
I'm shocked with this guy
297
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,413
'cause he happens to be a bigot.
298
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,093
What? He's a bigot?
299
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,228
A bigot, yes. And that's the
same guy that used to be marchin'
300
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:56,287
in all the peace riots
there. That's right.
301
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:59,190
That bigot over there won't
give an even break to a spade.
302
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,239
Don't shush me again. Thank...
Thank you very much, goodbye.
303
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,474
Honey. Honey, that was
Dean Winslow's secretary.
304
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,843
He wants to see me in his
office first thing Monday morning.
305
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,144
I think I got it! Oh!
306
00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:11,247
I think I beat John
Kasten out of that job! Oh!
307
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,705
Aw, listen to this. I
can't believe my ears.
308
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:19,110
A white guy standin' there, bloatin'
over taking a job from a colored guy.
309
00:16:20,679 --> 00:16:23,781
That ain't the American
way, buddy. No, sirree.
310
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:27,751
Listen here, Professor. You're the one
that needs an American history lesson.
311
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,122
You don't know nothin' about Lady
Liberty standin' there in the harbor
312
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:34,792
with her torch on high, screamin'
out to all the nations in the world,
313
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:38,062
"Send me your poor,
your deadbeats, your filthy."
314
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,443
And all 'em nations
sent 'em in here.
315
00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,434
They come swarming in like ants.
316
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:47,738
Their Spanish PRs
from the Caribouan there,
317
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:50,774
your Japs, your Chinamen,
your Krauts and your Hebes,
318
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,945
and your English fags!
319
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:57,248
All of 'em come in here!
And they're all free to live
320
00:16:57,317 --> 00:17:01,085
in their own separate sections
321
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:05,622
where they feel safe, and they'd
bust your head if you go in there!
322
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,425
That's what makes
America great, buddy!
323
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:21,205
I think we just heard Archie
Bunker's Bicentennial Minute.
324
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,696
John. Hey.
325
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:34,730
I didn't expect to
see you here, Mike.
326
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,620
I... I didn't expect
to see you either.
327
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,667
I thought when they called
me in here, I had the job.
328
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:39,802
So did I.
329
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:42,626
Last night, I took my
wife out to celebrate.
330
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:46,297
Sure hope I didn't blow
26 bucks on your good luck.
331
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:50,435
I... I didn't spend a dime
on yours. We stayed home.
332
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,704
It's not that funny,
it's just... Yeah, I know.
333
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:57,808
I'm just as nervous as
you are. Maybe more.
334
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:00,478
I mean, you've been
teaching longer than I have,
335
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,057
and... and that's gonna
weigh in your favor.
336
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,725
All right, John. Don't
count yourself out.
337
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,909
You know you got
a big advantage.
338
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,020
But we've always
had an advantage.
339
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,389
Yeah, like, when
they needed slaves.
340
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:15,993
They picked a black
man every time.
341
00:18:16,061 --> 00:18:17,973
John, you know
what I'm talkin' about.
342
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:21,098
Sure. Reverse discrimination.
343
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,500
All right. So... So, be honest.
344
00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:25,980
If you got this job, and you
knew that the main reason
345
00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:27,924
was because you were
black, how would you feel?
346
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,140
Beautiful.
347
00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:32,087
Did any white man
ever turn down a job
348
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,046
knowin' that the main reason he
got it was because he was white?
349
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:42,553
Well, let me answer
that by saying, uh...
350
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,923
I can't think of an answer.
351
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,291
Ah, good morning.
352
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,561
Morning, morning.
John, Michael. Hi.
353
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,598
You know, it's good to
see you both smiling. Sit, sit.
354
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,033
Now look, I've put
in a call to Minnesota
355
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,968
to get their decision.
356
00:18:58,037 --> 00:19:01,305
And I wanted you both here, not
so much to congratulate the winner,
357
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,907
as to console the loser,
because I'm fond of you both.
358
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:08,078
And frankly, I'm glad that I
don't have to make this decision.
359
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,659
So we're waiting for a
phone call, huh? Yeah.
360
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,617
Last time I felt like this, my
wife was gonna have a baby.
361
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,998
Except that was a breeze.
She did all the suffering.
362
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:21,158
Yes? Oh, thank
you, Harriet. This is it.
363
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:22,460
This is it.
364
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:26,096
Hello?
365
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,364
Hello, Howard.
366
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,333
It's Howard.
367
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,701
Huh? Oh, the
weather's fine here.
368
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,136
How is it in Minnesota?
369
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:35,272
It's Howard in Minnesota.
370
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,809
Now look, Howard, I've got two
very, very nervous instructors here.
371
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,744
What's your decision?
372
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:43,180
Uh-huh.
373
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:49,987
Uh-huh-huh.
374
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,625
All right, Howard.
He's a good man.
375
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,038
He's gonna be a fine
addition to your staff.
376
00:19:57,062 --> 00:20:00,731
He didn't say, "A credit to
his race." So it must be you.
377
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,900
Well, yes, I know. I'm
losing a good instructor.
378
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,135
But what can you do? I
like to see talent move up.
379
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,438
All right. All right,
Howard. Take care.
380
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,455
Michael. Yeah.
381
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,056
I'm delighted you're still going
to be with us. That's terrible.
382
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,248
John, congratulations.
We... We're sorry to lose you.
383
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:20,061
Oh, thank you, Dean.
Thank you very much.
384
00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:22,263
Oh, uh, yeah. Hey,
John, congratulations.
385
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,722
Thanks, buddy.
Well, you'll excuse me,
386
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,702
I have to break
the news to my wife.
387
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,627
Thanks again, Dean.
And take it easy, Mike.
388
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:34,998
Well, I...
389
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:38,235
Guess I better be goin',
too. I got a 9:00 class.
390
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,637
Suicide Prevention.
391
00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:42,305
Wait a minute,
Michael. Wait a minute.
392
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,975
I said I was here
to console the loser.
393
00:20:44,042 --> 00:20:46,388
Uh, that... that's all right, Dean.
I... I don't need any consolation.
394
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:49,358
I understand why
John got the job. I mean,
395
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:50,726
that's the way things are today.
396
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,051
Michael, look, when you
can't decide between two men,
397
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,788
it is important that the
minority candidate gets the job.
398
00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:01,092
Now, we know that justice
should be perfectly balanced, right?
399
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,038
But that hasn't
always been the case.
400
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:05,562
'Cause every time
you favor one group,
401
00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:08,132
an injustice is done to another.
402
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,200
Now, how would...
How would you say
403
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,403
the scales have been
balanced for the blacks?
404
00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:17,174
Well, lousy, but they shouldn't
be balanced against anybody.
405
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:19,110
That's true. True.
406
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:22,257
But now, they may have to be for a while,
because they've been tipped in our favor
407
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,547
for so long.
408
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,916
Now just possibly, possibly,
409
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:28,853
it may have to rock both ways
410
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:31,588
until we arrive at equal
opportunity for everyone.
411
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,460
Yeah, well, thanks for
the recommendation.
412
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:38,962
Michael, wait a minute.
413
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:41,232
You know, you've
taken this very well.
414
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,778
I've got something here that's
gonna make you feel a little better.
415
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:46,203
I... I... I couldn't.
Yes, yes, kick it.
416
00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:48,483
Come on, kick it.
Kick it. Oh, Dean.
417
00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:50,975
Dean, really, I...
I, look, I... I'm fine.
418
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:52,877
I was a little upset before,
419
00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:56,647
but I... I think
I'm over it now.
420
00:22:27,246 --> 00:22:29,925
You better hurry up. I made
the reservation for 7:30.
421
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:33,109
Ma, Joey's next feeding
is at 8:00. Yeah, all right.
422
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:35,792
And, Daddy, don't pick
him up every time he moves.
423
00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:38,366
Ah, come on, little girl, don't tell
me nothin' about babies, will you?
424
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:40,524
I was a father long
before you was born.
425
00:22:40,593 --> 00:22:43,193
Don't worry about nothing.
426
00:22:43,262 --> 00:22:46,196
Just have a good
time with the Kastens.
427
00:22:46,265 --> 00:22:50,200
I think it's so nice of you,
Mike, to ask him out to dinner,
428
00:22:50,269 --> 00:22:52,870
especially since he got the job.
429
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:56,640
That shows you're a
good loser. Ain't he, Archie?
430
00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:58,742
Oh, yeah, he's a born loser.
431
00:23:01,246 --> 00:23:04,348
But I gotta say this for him,
he's a pretty good sport there.
432
00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:07,128
You're really gonna take the colored
guy and his wife out for dinner, huh?
433
00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:08,986
Sure, why not?
He's still a friend.
434
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:11,800
Yeah, yeah. Well, listen. You're
not the only sport around here.
435
00:23:11,824 --> 00:23:14,792
You know what I was gonna do,
if youse really went to Minnesota?
436
00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,472
I was gonna pay for the
plane fare for all three of you.
437
00:23:17,496 --> 00:23:19,430
You'd do that for me?
438
00:23:19,498 --> 00:23:21,810
Yeah, why not? You're the
father of my grandchild, ain't you?
439
00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:24,446
You're the husband of my
daughter there, ain't you?
440
00:23:24,470 --> 00:23:26,269
You mean, like...
like, one of the family.
441
00:23:26,338 --> 00:23:28,171
No, no, jeez.
442
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:31,875
But you're close.
443
00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:33,310
Thanks a lot. See you later.
444
00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:35,190
- Have a good time.
- Good night.
445
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:36,425
So long. We'll be home
early, Ma. Good night, Daddy.
446
00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:39,483
Oh, you stay out as
late as you want to.
447
00:23:39,552 --> 00:23:42,052
Oh.
448
00:23:42,121 --> 00:23:44,121
Archie. Oh.
449
00:23:44,190 --> 00:23:45,556
Oh, gee.
450
00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,426
Oh, that was so
sweet of you. Edith...
451
00:23:49,495 --> 00:23:52,663
Offerin' to pay
their plane fare.
452
00:23:52,731 --> 00:23:54,276
Yeah, it was kind
of sweet of me, huh?
453
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:57,934
Oh, my. Did you
really mean that?
454
00:23:58,003 --> 00:23:59,803
Certainly not.
455
00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:04,819
But when, uh, bein'
generous don't cost you nothin',
456
00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:07,289
well, what the hell, you might
as well go all the way, huh?
457
00:24:07,313 --> 00:24:08,679
Oh.
458
00:24:33,639 --> 00:24:35,617
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
459
00:24:35,641 --> 00:24:37,475
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460
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