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1
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? Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played
2
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,040
? Songs that made the hit parade
3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:11,210
? Guys like us, we had it made
4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,678
? Those were the days
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116
? And you knew
where you were then
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352
? Girls were girls
and men were men
7
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? Mister, we could use a man
8
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? Like Herbert Hoover again
9
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? Didn't need no welfare state
10
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? Everybody pulled his weight
11
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? Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
12
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? Those were the days ?
13
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14
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,236
Hey, Edith.
15
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,865
Edith!
16
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:08,745
Oh!
17
00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,513
Shh! What?
18
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,081
Is the coast clear? Yeah, yeah.
19
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:13,483
Nobody in the kitchen there? No.
20
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,507
No. Did you get it? I got it.
21
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:17,476
Okay?
22
00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:20,312
Here we are, sweetie.
Pushchair. Oh!
23
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,294
Oh, my... Look here, huh.
24
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:27,619
Oh! Oh, they're
gonna be so surprised.
25
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:31,256
Did you push this all
the way from the store?
26
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:34,092
No, I jumped in
and drove it home.
27
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,406
Oh, they're gonna love it.
28
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:40,832
This is the carriage they wanted
only it was too expensive for 'em.
29
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,602
You're telling me. I laid
out over $100 on this thing.
30
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:47,339
That's a hell of a lot of money to
spend on a kid you don't even know yet.
31
00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:50,542
But it's got all the latest
features here. Wait till I show you.
32
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,643
Startin' here.
33
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,778
There's a sun visor,
see? For the sun.
34
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,447
Okay. Over here.
35
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,882
See, this whole thing it
collapses right... Ow, jeez!
36
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,354
Get away! Get away
from it, let me show you.
37
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,122
Now, the hood.
It closes over here
38
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:05,702
when the sun is coming
from that direction.
39
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:06,802
Oh, yeah!
40
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,271
Okay, down in there
you got a mattress
41
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:11,329
that's waterproof
because babies ain't.
42
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:13,333
Over there you got a
pocket for the milk bottle
43
00:02:13,357 --> 00:02:15,066
when she's wheelin'
him through the park.
44
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:19,337
Oh, Gloria won't need that for
a while, she's gonna breastfeed.
45
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:21,739
In the park?
46
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,378
With all the creeps
staring at her dairies?
47
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,049
Yeah. Look at this.
48
00:02:31,118 --> 00:02:32,684
That's a net against bugs.
49
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,252
Oh, yeah!
50
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:38,356
'Cause we want a baby
buggy, not a buggy baby.
51
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,895
Ma, are you there?
52
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,530
It's Gloria.
53
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,443
We gotta hide the carriage.
54
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,934
Ma, the door's locked.
55
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,814
Yeah, I know. I'll
be there in a minute.
56
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,949
Where, where, where,
where? Oh, the closet.
57
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:55,373
No, no. The moths ain't
even got room in that closet.
58
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:56,786
Come on. In the kitchen.
59
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,122
Oh, no, no, no. She'll
go in the kitchen.
60
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,924
Yeah, with the Meathead
with her, she sure will.
61
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,180
Where? Come on, where?
62
00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:03,793
The cellar. All right,
the cellar. The cellar.
63
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,450
Gee, the kid isn't even here yet
64
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:07,430
and already he's givin'
me a nervous breakdown.
65
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,221
The cellar door. The door.
66
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:11,689
The door, the door, the door.
67
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,358
Be careful! Here.
68
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:17,729
Coming, Gloria!
69
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:20,832
There. Hi.
70
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,368
Ma, what took you so
long to unlock the door?
71
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:26,938
Uh, I was puttin'
somethin' away.
72
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,674
How do you feel?
73
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,978
Like it should say,
"Goodyear" right across here.
74
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,446
But you look beautiful.
75
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:36,882
How's Mike?
76
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,549
Who wants to talk about him?
77
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,153
Oh.
78
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:45,757
Gloria, come on in the kitchen
and have a cup of coffee.
79
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,593
Yeah, you sit right down there
80
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,161
and tell me what's wrong.
81
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,064
I'm fat and ugly.
82
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,866
Oh, Gloria.
83
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,635
You ain't ugly.
84
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,674
Yeah, but I'm fat.
85
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,942
Fat, fat, fat.
86
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:07,045
Oh, that's just baby fat.
87
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,179
Oh!
88
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:15,186
Ma, Michael was finally gonna take
me to see Gone with the Wind tonight,
89
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:18,589
but now he's gotta stay
home and tutor Linda Galloway.
90
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:21,960
Oh, but she has her
lessons on Mondays.
91
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,995
And this is Friday.
92
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:27,365
Well, she suddenly decided that
she needs two lessons a week.
93
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,167
Oh, my.
94
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:33,738
Oh, I guess she's only half as
smart as she thought she was.
95
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,209
She doesn't have to be smart.
96
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,611
She might have a C minus
brain but she's got an A plus body.
97
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,214
Oh, Gloria, you
don't have to worry.
98
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,451
You've got an A plus body, too.
99
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,786
Remember?
100
00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,824
Yeah, it's under
here, somewhere.
101
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,171
Hey, Gloria, where are you?
102
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:56,461
I'm in here, honey.
103
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,996
Maybe Linda canceled her lesson.
104
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:00,632
Hi, Ma. Oh, hi.
105
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,000
Mike, you look nice. Thanks, Ma.
106
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:04,914
You smell good, too. Thanks.
107
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,438
Gotta run. I'll be home
around 10:00, okay?
108
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:08,651
Where are you goin'?
109
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,575
I'm going over to Linda's place.
110
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,222
Why isn't she comin' to our
place like she always does?
111
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:14,779
Oh, she called me.
She says she doesn't
112
00:05:14,803 --> 00:05:16,559
like goin' out on the
streets late at night.
113
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,649
You understand.
114
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,486
Oh, honey. Hey! Tell you what.
115
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,621
I'll take you out
tomorrow night, okay?
116
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,790
I love you. You're so fat!
117
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,596
Bye, Mike.
118
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:36,034
I'm beginnin' to wonder if Linda
is takin' lessons or givin' 'em.
119
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:39,137
What kind of lessons
could she give him?
120
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:43,508
Oh.
121
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,478
Oh, Gloria.
122
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:48,012
Mike loves you.
123
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:51,182
All he's doin' is earnin'
a little extra money.
124
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:55,187
Oh, excuse me. There's
someone at the door.
125
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,688
Coming!
126
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:59,135
Get me the hell out of here!
127
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,359
Oh, that's Glo... That's Archie!
128
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:08,266
Oh, Archie, you must
have locked yourself in.
129
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:14,684
You must have
locked yourself in.
130
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,775
With all kinds of help from you.
131
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:19,444
Oh, well, what was
you doin' in the cellar?
132
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,457
I was refereein'
a cockroach fight.
133
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,493
What the hell do you think
I was doin' down there?
134
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:27,518
Oh, never mind that. I see
her here. All right, all right.
135
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,087
How, you doin', little girl?
136
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,169
What's the matter with you now?
137
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:36,894
Well, Mike had to go over
to Linda Galloway's house.
138
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:38,508
Linda Galloway? Mmm-hmm.
139
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,813
Oh, oh, yeah. The little blonde.
140
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,013
What did he have
to go over there for?
141
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,404
To give her her lesson.
142
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,640
Lesson in what,
I'd like to know.
143
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,442
Oh.
144
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:54,746
Oh-ho-ho and whoop-dee-doo.
145
00:06:57,116 --> 00:07:00,185
I smell somethin' stinko
in the city of Denmark.
146
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,489
What, what, what?
147
00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:08,859
Oh, uh... Oh,
uh, listen, Gloria.
148
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:12,730
Hey, cheer up, little girl. Listen,
don't worry about nothin' like that.
149
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:14,465
I mean, after all,
150
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:17,168
the Meathead has
his faults, God knows.
151
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,407
But one thing he is,
he ain't a girl chaser.
152
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:26,044
There, you see?
Your father's right.
153
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,191
Why don't you get
ready for the movie.
154
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,314
I'll go with you.
155
00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:32,016
I'd love to see Gone
With The Wind again.
156
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,886
Yeah? Aw, jeez,
I hate that picture.
157
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,120
Hurry up.
158
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:38,022
Okay, Ma. I'll be
ready in 10 minutes.
159
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,491
Well, now, listen, little girl.
160
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,925
Remember what
I told you in here.
161
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,827
You don't have to worry
about your husband
162
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,029
'cause as far as he's concerned,
163
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,699
you're the only girl
in the world for him.
164
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:50,087
Bye. Yeah, now
remember that, huh?
165
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,237
That prevert's messin' around.
166
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,577
Oh, no!
167
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,211
Oh, yes!
168
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:04,516
No. No. all Mike's
doin' is tutoring Linda.
169
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:07,151
Yeah, he sure is tootin' her.
170
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,821
Oh, no, Archie.
171
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,689
Well, you got no proof.
172
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,736
Oh, I know that. But I'm
gonna get proof tonight
173
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,838
when you're away at the movie.
174
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,706
I'm gonna have him over here
and I'm gonna pour wine into that guy
175
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:20,198
'cause wine hits him
like a ton of bricks.
176
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,511
And that will get
the truth out of him.
177
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:26,135
In vino veritas, as the ancient
Jews was always saying.
178
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:28,707
Archie, no.
179
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,241
No, I can't believe
180
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,677
that Mike would
do nothin' wrong.
181
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:36,648
You don't understand nothin'.
Gloria's in her seventh month.
182
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:40,151
That means, for him,
the playground is closed.
183
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:49,794
And he's gotta look for
some other place to swing.
184
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:55,300
Can't you graps that notion?
185
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,810
Yeah, coming.
186
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,349
Hi.
187
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:12,984
You didn't let me finish.
188
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,057
Terrific.
189
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:23,361
Handsome, intelligent, and
you've got, uh, rhythm, too.
190
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:27,699
If you're buckin' for an
A, that's the way to get it.
191
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,167
Uh, well...
192
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,569
Well, come... come
on in. Yeah, hi.
193
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,472
Now, have a seat
and be comfortable.
194
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:35,907
Yeah. Thank you.
195
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,175
It's a very nice
place you got here.
196
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,311
Thank you.
197
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:44,248
Uh, tonight we're gonna concentrate
on, uh, interpreting statistics.
198
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,328
Oh, I... I love your artwork.
199
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:48,520
A very nice Picasso,
200
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,832
and the Chagall is beautiful.
201
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,567
Did you see this
one? It's my favorite.
202
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,369
Oh, yeah. I just
love it. It's a Lautrec.
203
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,861
Nice. It has lovely,
lovely contour
204
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,930
and just beautiful shape.
205
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,081
Yes, it's not a
bad shape there...
206
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,985
Uh, what do you say we
get to work, huh? Okay.
207
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:12,510
Oh... Excuse... Excuse me. We
were both goin' in the same direction
208
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,211
and, uh, we bumped...
209
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,457
Would you, uh, would you
like to take off your jacket.
210
00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:16,592
Would you be more comfortable?
211
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,760
Yeah, yeah, that would be nice.
212
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,083
Here, you can take the jacket.
213
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,930
Oh, you're wearing
that sweater I like.
214
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,132
Oh, did you... You like this?
215
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,523
Yeah, don't you remember?
I told you once after class.
216
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:28,025
No, uh, I... I don't...
I don't remember.
217
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:30,127
Yeah, I said that
you really look nice.
218
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,565
You said, "Macho."
219
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:37,435
Oh, did I? Yeah.
220
00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:40,004
Well, you do. You
look very macho.
221
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,807
And very nice.
222
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,547
Let's get down to work, huh?
223
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:51,961
Okay, now, tonight,
uh, like I said,
224
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,986
we're going to be
interpreting statistics and, uh...
225
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,702
Was I sitting over here before?
226
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,204
Uh, no. You were
sitting over there,
227
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:03,194
but if you wanna sit
over here, it's fine.
228
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,441
No, no, I'll... I'll
sit over here. It's...
229
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,466
It's better. It's
closer to the book.
230
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:10,546
It's better to be
closer to the book.
231
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:14,139
Uh, now, the important
thing about statistics is that
232
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,307
they are not as
difficult as they seem.
233
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:20,144
If you just take it one
step at a time, you'll do fine.
234
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,147
It's... It smells very nice.
235
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:27,352
Very nice... W-What... What
kind of perfume are you wearing?
236
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,520
I'm not wearing any perfume.
237
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,356
It smells awfully good.
238
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:34,192
Oh, it's me.
239
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:40,431
It's my cologne. I
thought it was you.
240
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,633
Hey, but, uh, you smell...
241
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,303
Uh, probably good, too.
242
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,471
All right, uh, now, uh...
243
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:49,874
W-What was I saying?
244
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,286
You were talking
about statistics.
245
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,510
Right, right, right.
246
00:11:53,579 --> 00:11:55,659
What was I sayin'
about statistics?
247
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,916
Are you having
trouble concentrating?
248
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,051
Huh?
249
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,222
Is there something on your mind?
250
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,057
Uh, what do you mean?
251
00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,794
What would... What's on my mind?
252
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:13,431
Well, tonight... Actually,
for the past few weeks,
253
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,033
you haven't been able
to finish a sentence.
254
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:19,637
Well, the reason for that... I mean, that's
because... I mean, what do you mean?
255
00:12:20,973 --> 00:12:23,174
And, uh, you're acting, uh,
256
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:26,577
terribly charming
and making jokes.
257
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:29,246
And, uh, you smell awfully good.
258
00:12:29,316 --> 00:12:31,982
And you seem to
be coming on to me.
259
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:35,653
Like you're trying to
turn me on, and if you are,
260
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:38,723
I just wanna let you
know that it's all right.
261
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:53,204
You think that I'm
trying to turn you on?
262
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,317
Linda, is that what
you... That's ridiculous.
263
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,708
I mean, why would I
wanna turn... I mean,
264
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,344
I'm a married man. I
got a baby on the way.
265
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,615
I mean, why would you wanna
think that I would turn you... Did I?
266
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:07,051
Mmm-hmm.
267
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,699
Well, I... I... I wasn't trying
to, really. Believe me, Linda.
268
00:13:09,723 --> 00:13:12,356
Where are you goin'?
Where are you goin'?
269
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,158
Uh, Linda, uh...
270
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,995
I, uh... I, uh, have
a baby at home
271
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:19,396
and a wife on the way.
272
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,714
You know, the interesting
thing about statistics
273
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:26,537
is that very often...
274
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:32,110
Statistically, three out of every
five people who... Oh, my God.
275
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,386
Okay, okay. Here I am.
276
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,956
I'm openin' the
door for you now.
277
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:48,693
I, uh, got your note you
left on our refrigerator door.
278
00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:50,595
I figured you'd find it there.
279
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,296
Come on in.
280
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,765
What do you want?
281
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,210
Well, you know, I
thought to myself,
282
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:57,013
well, the girls are out
seeing Gone With The Wind,
283
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,848
and they're gonna be away,
you know, for a little while,
284
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:01,216
so, uh, I thought maybe you
might be lonesome over there
285
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,641
for some intelligent
conversation.
286
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,510
With whom?
287
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,354
Can't you be nice?
288
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,315
Arch, it's a long movie.
289
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:14,864
Yeah, I know, well, there's a lot
of Coloreds in it and they talk slow.
290
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,723
So much for
intelligent conversation.
291
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,269
No, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. I didn't mean nothin' by that.
292
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,238
Come on, come
on. Take it easy, huh.
293
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:25,240
Sit down. Sit down over here.
294
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:27,876
Take a load off
your feet. Listen.
295
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:31,435
You know, you're gonna be a
father in a couple of months here.
296
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:34,705
So, it suddenly hit me,
297
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,535
I'm gonna be a grandfather
at the same time.
298
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:40,177
That's the way it works, Arch.
299
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:42,013
Yeah, life is funny, huh?
300
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:44,781
Yeah. So, I thought,
what better time
301
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:46,517
to have a little toast
302
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:48,831
with you and me. Right, Michael?
303
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,588
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
304
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:51,823
Michael?
305
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,726
Yeah. That's
your name, ain't it?
306
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,339
Oh, I know what
you're thinkin'. Listen.
307
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,764
The Meathead days are over.
308
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:02,266
Eh? Here into for,
309
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,902
I'm gonna call you Michael.
310
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:07,549
And you know what you're
gonna call me? What?
311
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:08,740
Daddy.
312
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,713
Well, at least dad, eh?
313
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,916
You want me to call you dad?
314
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,930
Yeah, well, you call
your mother-in-law, Ma.
315
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:23,053
Huh, that's all right.
316
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:26,290
Hey, Arch. Dad, Dad,
will you take it easy there?
317
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:29,039
Yeah. Wine always hits
me like a ton of bricks.
318
00:15:30,162 --> 00:15:31,829
I never knew that.
319
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,667
Now, our first toast is
gonna be to your son
320
00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:40,371
and my grandson, and
may he only be a boy.
321
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,972
Down the hatch.
322
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,021
Oh, that's better.
323
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:07,498
? Bless 'em all, bless 'em all
324
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,634
? The long and the
short and the tall ?
325
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:14,838
You know, I can't
believe it, Dad.
326
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,285
You know, I don't feel a thing.
327
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,776
We drank practically
almost two bottles.
328
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,745
I don't feel a thing.
329
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,580
Hey, I just made
room for some more.
330
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:23,648
Good.
331
00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:25,382
Now, come on.
332
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:28,052
We're gonna have a
toast, so get on your feet.
333
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,799
What are we toasting?
Get on your feet.
334
00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,533
What are we toasting?
I wanna make a toast
335
00:16:31,557 --> 00:16:34,926
to the greatest country
on the face of the Earth.
336
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:36,761
Poland.
337
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,667
You really like
Poland, huh, Dad?
338
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,481
You know, if it
wasn't for Poland,
339
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,905
the war wouldn't have
one of the things they got.
340
00:16:47,973 --> 00:16:49,607
Which is what? Polacks.
341
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,113
Say, "Polish people," Dad.
342
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,814
"Polish people, Dad."
343
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,783
Hey. All right.
344
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,753
Now, hold it. Ooh!
345
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,721
I'm gonna now toast
346
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:06,668
the President of the United
States and the great man he is.
347
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,159
Richard M. Ford.
348
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:17,702
And his beautiful wife, I don't
give a damn what she says,
349
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,103
Lady Bird.
350
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:23,341
No. Hey, wait a minute, Dad.
351
00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:27,945
Mrs. Ford isn't a Lady
Bird, she's a thunderbird.
352
00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:32,649
Funny? No, no. That
ain't right, though.
353
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,086
No, you're awful
loaded. You know that?
354
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:38,089
Yeah, you better sit down.
Give me a hand. Here you go.
355
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:40,457
All right.
356
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:43,205
Now, I wanna make
another toast to you, buddy.
357
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,796
To me? Yes, siree.
358
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:50,500
To the finest son-in-law that ever
married his way to a dinner table.
359
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,072
We all love you.
360
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:57,007
And we respect you.
361
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,709
And we trust you.
362
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:02,179
Hey, Dad.
363
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,827
Could I tell you about
somethin' that happened tonight?
364
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,517
What time tonight?
365
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:09,253
When I was tutorin' Linda.
366
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,321
Oh.
367
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:13,791
Linda.
368
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:14,992
Yeah.
369
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:22,467
You really went for
that little doll, didn't you?
370
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,569
Yeah, she's nice.
371
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:27,104
Yeah, I know.
372
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:29,740
And you went over to
her apartment tonight.
373
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,976
And the two of
you, Linda and you,
374
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,679
youse was intricate together.
375
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:39,916
Come on, now. You
can tell your old Dad.
376
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:45,622
Well, she was
awfully attractive.
377
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,726
And, uh, she did encourage me.
378
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,665
You know, I didn't...
I didn't realize it,
379
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:58,703
but I guess I was asking for it.
380
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,205
But when the chips were down,
381
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:05,342
I thought to myself,
"What am I, crazy?"
382
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,044
I mean,
383
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,382
I got a wife that I love,
384
00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,819
and a baby on the way.
385
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:19,557
W-What am I gonna do? Am I...
Am I gonna throw all that away?
386
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:23,861
So before anything happened,
387
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,097
I jumped up
388
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,899
and I got the hell out of there.
389
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,138
Dad!
390
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:36,841
Da... Dad.
391
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:39,643
Dad.
392
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:47,584
Look at that.
393
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:49,886
Poor daddy went sleepy by.
394
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,491
Yeah. Well.
395
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,261
Good night, Daddy.
396
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,497
Good night.
397
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:00,898
Good night.
398
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:16,513
? Oh, my pa-pa
399
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:22,787
? To me he was so wonderful
400
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:25,422
? Oh, my pa-pa ?
401
00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:44,775
It's okay, Ma. I'll look
for work tomorrow.
402
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:53,718
Aw, jeez.
403
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,886
There you are, Archie.
404
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:59,389
Get that stuff away from
me. It binds me up for days.
405
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:05,462
Archie, why did you
have to drink so much?
406
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,798
You know wine does that to you.
407
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,400
Don't yell, please.
408
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:14,238
And what was you doin'
sleepin' in the hall closet?
409
00:21:19,578 --> 00:21:22,880
I thought I was an overcoat.
410
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:25,482
Leave me alone, will you? I
got a headache on this side.
411
00:21:25,551 --> 00:21:27,829
Do you wanna give me
another one over here?
412
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:31,093
You should be thinkin' of how
we're gonna explain to our little girl
413
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:34,791
that... that her husband was
infidelicate with another woman.
414
00:21:35,594 --> 00:21:37,561
I don't believe it.
415
00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:40,864
I think you were so drunk
you didn't hear Mike right.
416
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:43,373
Oh, I told you what I heard.
417
00:21:43,436 --> 00:21:46,514
That last thing he said was
that she encouraged him on.
418
00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:49,940
And he went for her.
419
00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:54,011
And then for some reason Eddie
Fisher was singin' Oh, My Pa-Pa.
420
00:21:57,283 --> 00:21:58,749
Oh, Ma.
421
00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:02,153
Gloria, what's the matter?
422
00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:07,091
When I got home last
night from the movie,
423
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:10,060
I found Michael in
the shower, singing.
424
00:22:10,129 --> 00:22:12,229
Don't yell, please!
425
00:22:12,298 --> 00:22:15,599
Well, Mike always
sings in the shower.
426
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,735
Not with his clothes on.
427
00:22:19,405 --> 00:22:21,005
And he was drunk.
428
00:22:21,074 --> 00:22:23,808
Oh, I know that, Gloria.
429
00:22:23,876 --> 00:22:25,843
He was with your father.
430
00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:29,680
They got drunk together
while we was at the movies.
431
00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:31,315
Didn't Mike tell you?
432
00:22:31,384 --> 00:22:33,283
I wanted to talk to
him this morning,
433
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:34,896
but he ran out before breakfast,
434
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,388
and I don't even
know where he is.
435
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:40,235
Jeez, that guy in heat makin'
house calls on the neighbors
436
00:22:40,259 --> 00:22:41,726
or something like that.
437
00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:45,896
Oh, Archie. Archie,
that ain't true.
438
00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:48,699
Don't you believe that, Gloria.
439
00:22:48,768 --> 00:22:51,012
Hey, Gloria, I got a
big surprise for you.
440
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,170
Don't yell, please.
441
00:22:55,074 --> 00:22:57,541
I don't want a
surprise, Michael.
442
00:22:57,610 --> 00:22:58,875
I wanna talk to you.
443
00:22:58,944 --> 00:23:00,755
Honey, what's the
matter? Michael?
444
00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:03,847
You say that you've been
tutoring Linda Galloway.
445
00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:06,183
And I wanna believe you.
446
00:23:06,252 --> 00:23:09,286
But you told me that she's
paying you for those lessons,
447
00:23:09,355 --> 00:23:11,221
and I've never seen
any of that money.
448
00:23:11,290 --> 00:23:13,224
And we haven't made
a bank deposit in weeks.
449
00:23:13,292 --> 00:23:14,925
Honey, honey.
450
00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:17,795
That's what I've been
doing with the money.
451
00:23:17,864 --> 00:23:20,609
I'm saving it for the big
surprise I'm about to show you.
452
00:23:20,633 --> 00:23:22,666
Hold on a second, I got it.
453
00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:25,669
Here it is, honey.
454
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:29,387
Michael. Isn't that nice?
455
00:23:33,246 --> 00:23:35,946
Oh, honey, it's beautiful.
456
00:23:36,015 --> 00:23:38,026
It's the one we wanted to buy.
457
00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:39,416
Look, Archie.
458
00:23:39,485 --> 00:23:41,605
Why did you have to bring
that up from the cellar...
459
00:23:43,355 --> 00:23:45,455
Michael. Well, yeah.
460
00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:49,359
I love you!
461
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,628
Oh, let's take it home
462
00:23:50,696 --> 00:23:52,407
and put it up in the
baby's room now. Okay.
463
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:54,331
Oh, Ma!
464
00:23:56,101 --> 00:23:57,134
Bye, Daddy!
465
00:24:00,339 --> 00:24:02,038
What happened to you now?
466
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:04,152
The headache went into my eye.
467
00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:08,111
Bye, Arch! There
goes the other eye.
468
00:24:08,180 --> 00:24:12,116
Aw, jeez, it's in
the collarbone.
469
00:24:12,185 --> 00:24:16,020
Archie, what are we gonna
do with the carriage we bought?
470
00:24:16,088 --> 00:24:19,408
I don't know. You better
hope they have twins.
471
00:24:20,793 --> 00:24:27,397
Maybe we could take it back to the
store and exchange it for a bassinet.
472
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,633
Don't be ridiculous, Edith.
473
00:24:29,702 --> 00:24:33,270
The kid can't learn to play
one of them things till he's 13.
474
00:24:59,031 --> 00:25:01,309
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
475
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:03,167
before a live audience.
476
00:25:04,305 --> 00:26:04,405
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