All language subtitles for All In The Family s05e09 Archie is Missing.eng

? BOY, THE WAY
GLENN MILLER PLAYED ?

? SONGS THAT MADE
THE HIT PARADE ?

? GUYS LIKE US, WE HAD IT MADE ?

? THOSE WERE THE DAYS ?

? AND YOU KNEW
WHERE YOU WERE THEN ?

? GIRLS WERE GIRLS
AND MEN WERE MEN ?

? MISTER, WE COULD USE A MAN ?

? LIKE HERBERT HOOVER AGAIN ?

? DIDN'T NEED NO
WELFARE STATES ?

? EVERYBODY PULLED HIS WEIGHT ?

? GEE, OUR OLD
LASALLE RAN GREAT ?

? THOSE WERE ?

? THE DAYS ?

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HELLO. OH, DAMN.

OH, NO, LOUISE, I'M SORRY. IT'S
JUST I WAS HOPING IT WAS DADDY.

NO, NOT A WORD YET.

AND WE'VE BEEN CALLING THE CONVENTION
HEADQUARTERS UP IN BUFFALO EVERY HOUR.

NOBODY'S SEEN HIM.

IT'S AS IF HE'S
DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR.

NO. MOM'S NOT HERE.

SHE'S GONE DOWN TO THE POLICE
STATION WITH MICHAEL TO FILL OUT A REPORT.

WELL, CALL ME THE
MINUTE YOU HEAR ANYTHING.

AND TRY TO RELAX, SWEETIE.

I KNOW YOU'LL BE
HEARING FROM HIM SOON.

WELL, STILL NO WORD FROM ARCHIE.

YEAH, PEACEFUL AIN'T IT?

WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP, GEORGE?

HEY, HO, HO, HO. WHAT KIND
OF TALK IS THAT, WOMAN?

LISTEN, GEORGE,
ARCHIE IS MISSING.

AND EDITH IS GOING OUT
OF HER MIND WITH WORRY.

WHY? IS SHE AFRAID
HE'S COMING BACK?

NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME, GEORGE.

TAKE THAT CLAW OUT OF MY FACE.

AND IF YOU GIVE ME THE
FINGER ONE MORE TIME, WOMAN...

YOU CALL ME "WOMAN"
ONE MORE TIME

AND I'M GOING TO PUT ALL
5 FINGERS TOGETHER AND...

GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD. GIVE
ME YOUR BEST SHOT RIGHT HERE.

AND YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU.

WHAT?

YOUR MOTHER WILL HAVE
AN UNEXPECTED GUEST. YOU.

DAMN IT, LOUISE. WHY DO YOU
KEEP STICKING UP FOR THAT HONKY?

YOU HEAR THE WAY HE'S
ALWAYS FAT-MOUTHING US.

THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN
HIS INSULTS, IS HIS COMPLIMENTS.

"I SAID, JEFFERSON, THERE,

"YOU KNOW WHY YOU PEOPLE
GOT SUCH NATURAL RHYTHM?

FROM BEING GROWN UP
ON ALL 'EM TOM-TOMS."

THEN THERE'S THE BULL ABOUT JUST
'CAUSE WE BLACK, WE CAN'T GET ENOUGH SEX.

WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S
BULL, DON'T WE GEORGE?

YOU BETTER LIGHTEN UP, LOUISE.

BUT YOU DO HAVE RHYTHM.

1 OUT OF 2 AIN'T BAD.

NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR.
YOU HEAR THAT, LOUISE? TOO FAR.

DON'T YOU SLAM MY TABLE. WHAT?

I'LL SLAM YOUR TABLE.
I'LL SLAM YOUR CHAIR.

I'LL SLAM YOUR WALL. ANYTHING
ELSE YOU WANT ME TO SLAM?

YES. THE DOOR
FROM THE OTHER SIDE.

YOU GOT IT.

MR. WARD, WHAT YOU
DID IS AGAINST THE LAW.

I'LL BE WITH YOU
FOLKS IN JUST A MINUTE.

YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? YES, SIR.

LOOK, IF I PROMISE
NEVER TO DO IT AGAIN,

WILL YOU LET ME GO?

OK, MR. WARD, BUT,
IT'S THE LAST TIME.

NOW BEAT IT. THANK YOU,
SERGEANT. THANK YOU.

HEY, HEY! GET OUT OF HERE!

WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?

DON'T DO THAT!

BOOK HIM.

SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE THAT, MA.

THAT REMINDS ME, ARCHIE
FORGOT TO PACK HIS RAINCOAT.

I'M, UH, I'M SORRY
ABOUT THAT, MA'AM.

NOW CAN I HELP YOU?

Y-Y-YEAH. MY HUSBAND IS SUPPOSED
TO BE IN BUFFALO AT A CONVENTION,

BUT HE DIDN'T EVEN
GET ON THE BUS.

UH, WE'D LIKE TO FILE A
MISSING PERSONS REPORT.

OK. WHAT'S YOUR
HUSBANDS NAME, LADY?

ARCHIE BUNKER. AND HOW
LONG HAS HE BEEN MISSING?

SINCE NOON, YESTERDAY.

OH, WE CAN'T FILE A
MISSING PERSONS REPORT

UNTIL 24 HOURS HAVE PASSED.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS. I MEAN.
WHAT'S ANOTHER FEW HOURS?

A MAN IS MISSING. WE'VE
COME HERE TO REPORT IT.

ALL WE'RE ASKING YOU
TO DO IS TRY TO FIND HIM.

LOOK, I'D LIKE TO BE
ABLE TO HELP YOU,

BUT THERE ISN'T TOO
MUCH WE CAN DO RIGHT NOW.

UH, UNLESS...

HAS YOUR HUSBAND
EVER HAD AMNESIA?

OH, NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

HE NEVER USED LAXATIVES.
JUST PRUNE JUICE.

LADY, THIS, UH, HUSBAND OF YOURS

IS HE FIFTY-ISH, OVERWEIGHT,

ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT MONEY,

STUCK IN A DULL JOB,
KIND OF SOUR IN LIFE?

THAT'S WONDERFUL,
YOU'VE SEEN HIM.

NO, BUT, I'VE SEEN A
MILLION GUYS JUST LIKE HIM.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

A LOT OF OUR MISSING PERSONS
TURN OUT TO BE RUNAWAYS.

AND 98 PERCENT OF
ALL THE MEN INVOLVED

ARE RUNNING AWAY BECAUSE
OF, UH, EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS.

OH, ARCHIE AIN'T
INTERESTED IN AFFAIRS.

HE DON'T EVEN LIKE
SMALL DINNER PARTIES.

H-HELLO. REGISTRATION DESK?

YES, COULD YOU PLEASE TELL
ME IF A MR. ARCHIE BUNKER

HAS CHECKED INTO THE HOTEL YET?

Y-YES, I'LL HOLD.

HE HASN'T CHECKED IN YET.

THANK YOU.

OH, BOY. WHAT'S THAT?

OH, IT'S A COLLECTION OF STUFF
I FOUND UP IN ARCHIE'S CLOSET.

MICHAEL, YOU WENT INTO DADDY'S
ROOM? THOSE THINGS ARE PERSONAL.

GLORIA, THE POLICE
SAID IT WOULD HELP

IF WE COULD BUILD UP A
PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE OF ARCHIE.

YEAH, BUT THIS IS JUST A
BUNCH OF OLD SOUVENIRS.

IT MIGHT GIVE US A CLUE
TO WHERE ARCHIE'S GONE.

A "WIN WITH WILKIE" BUTTON?

LOOK AT THIS. AN OLD RIPLEY'S
"BELIEVE IT OR NOT" CLIPPING.

"BECAUSE OF THE POPULATION
GROWTH RATE IN CHINA

"IF YOU LINED UP ALL
THE CHINESE, 4 ABREAST

AND MARCHED THEM INTO THE
SEA, THE LINE WOULD NEVER END."

I WONDER WHY HE KEPT THIS.

MAYBE HE LIKED THE IDEA.

WHAT'S THIS?

OH, DADDY GOT THAT
FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

YOU MEAN HE KEPT HIS GRADES?

NO, MICHAEL. IT
STANDS FOR FLUSHING.

OH, SO THAT'S
WHAT HE MAJORED IN.

FLUSHING HIGH SCHOOL. HE
WAS ON THE BASEBALL TEAM.

HEY! IT COULD HAVE
STARTED WAY BACK THEN.

OH, I'LL GET IT.
YEAH. THAT'S IT.

MAYBE HE NEVER BECAME
A REAL BALLPLAYER,

SO NOW HE'S STILL MAD AT LIFE.

MAYBE NOT. I DON'T KNOW.

HI. HI.

YEAH, WELL, THAT MAKES 2 HIGH.

ONE OF US BETTER COME
DOWN FROM UP THERE.

UH, I'M NOT SURE...

OH, I'M, UH, STRETCH
CUNNINGHAM, GLORIA.

FROM YOUR FATHER'S PLANT.

OH, OH, STRETCH
CUNNINGHAM. OH, COME ON IN.

OH, BUT I'M, UH, I'M AFRAID
THAT DADDY'S NOT HERE.

YEAH, I HEARD. YEAH, I ASKED
STRETCH TO COME OVER, GLORIA.

THANKS A LOT, STRETCH.

OH, THAT'S OK. I HAD TO
WALK THAT WAY, ANYWAY.

AS THE MAN SAID WHEN HE
BOUGHT THE TALCUM POWDER.

WHY DID YOU WANT TO
TALK WITH MR. CUNNINGHAM?

WELL, I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE STRETCH
COULD TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT ARCHIE

THAT WE DON'T ALREADY KNOW.

OH. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?

OH, NO THANKS. I AIN'T GOT LONG.

I PROMISED TINY STUBAFORE
I'D GO BOWLING WITH HIM.

YOU KNOW TINY? NO.

OH, TOO BAD. THEY GET A BIG
KICK OUT OF US DOWN AT THE ALLEY.

LIKE SOMETIMES, UH,
WHEN TINY BEATS ME,

I GET DOWN ON MY KNEES
NEXT TO HIM AND I YELL:

"HEY. WHY DON'T YOU PICK
ON SOMEBODY YOUR OWN SIZE?"

AND FUNNY THINGS LIKE THAT.

THAT'S FUNNY, STRETCH. W-WHY
DON'T YOU SIT DOWN OVER HERE?

UH, AT WORK DID ARCHIE
MENTION ANYTHING

ABOUT THE LODGE CONVENTION?

SURE, HE WAS
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

HE SAID WITH ANY LUCK

THEY'D HAVE OF 'EM FEMALE CAKES.

A WHAT?

Y-YOU KNOW, ONE OF THEM CAKES
WHERE THE BROAD POPS OUT OF THE TOP.

UH, DOES ARCHIE OFTEN
TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT?

CAKE?

UH, NO, NO, NO, NO. WOMEN, SEX.

MICHAEL! GLORIA, THIS
COULD ME IMPORTANT.

MY FATHER WOULD NEVER
LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN.

OH YEAH? HE LOOKS AT
BOOM-BOOM TURNER ALL THE TIME.

BOOM-BOOM TURNER?

YEAH, UH, THE RECEPTIONIST
DOWN AT THE PLANT.

MILDRED "BOOM-BOOM" TURNER.

SHE'S BUILT...

AND WHEN SHE WALKS, BOOM-BOOM.

MICHAEL, I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ANYMORE OF THIS.

OH, YOU'VE GOTTA
FACE FACTS, GLORIA.

I MEAN, YOUR OLD MAN'S
GOT A LOT OF GET-UP-AND-GO.

SO MAYBE HE JUST
GOT UP AND WENT.

YOU KNOW, BOOM-BOOM
HERE, BOOM THERE...

STRETCH! EVERYWHERE A BOOM-BOOM.

MY FATHER ISN'T LIKE THAT.

UH, THANKS A LOT, STRETCH,

REALLY, UH, BUT I
THINK GLORIA'S RIGHT.

ARCHIE'S NOT SMART ENOUGH
TO SET UP SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

OH, DON'T BE TOO SURE.

AIN'T NO FLIES ON ARCH.

HE TOLD ME SO THE OTHER DAY.

"AIN'T NO FLIES ON
ME, STRETCH," HE SAID.

AND I SAID, "THEN HOW DO
YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM?"

YOU GET IT?

SORT OF A PLAY ON WORDS.

YEAH, YEAH, WELL, UH,

LISTEN, IF THERE'S ANYTHING
ELSE I CAN DO TO HELP,

- YOU LET ME KNOW, HUH?
- YEAH, YEAH. WE WILL.

YEAH, THAT WAS A GREAT IDEA.

WELL, GLORIA, WE GOT
TO TRY EVERYTHING.

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT
HE WAS SUGGESTING?

HE WAS SUGGESTING THAT
DADDY'S RUN OFF WITH SOME WOMAN.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, GLORIA,

BUT THE POLICE SAID THAT 98
PERCENT OF THE MEN ARCHIE'S AGE...

BUT NOT DADDY! OH,
MICHAEL. THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

RIDICULOUS, HUH? WHAT?

"ME AND MILDRED,

COMPANY PICNIC, 1973."

BOOM-BOOM?

BOOM-BOOM.

GLORIA, WE'RE GONNA GIVE A
COMPLETE DESCRIPTION OF BOOM-BOOM

TO EVERYBODY WE
RUN INTO. ALL RIGHT?

HEIGHT, 5' 4",

WEIGHT, 125.

AGE, UH, 35.

OUTSTANDING PHYSICAL
CHARACTERISTICS,

2.

MICHAEL, I JUST
DON'T BELIEVE IT.

WHY WOULD DADDY RUN OFF
WITH A WOMAN LIKE BOOM-BOOM?

GLORIA, HAVEN'T YOU EVER
HEARD OF THE 7-YEAR ITCH?

BUT HE'S BEEN
MARRIED FOR 26 YEARS.

ALL RIGHT, SO IT TOOK HIM 19
YEARS TO START SCRATCHING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M CALLING THE PLANT.

OH, GLORIA, YOU CALLED
THEM TWICE IN THE PAST HOUR.

THEY SAID THEY'D CALL
BOOM-BOOM AT HOME FOR YOU.

SO, WHY HASN'T
SHE PHONED US YET?

BECAUSE SHE'S NOT HOME!

WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

OH, COME ON GLORIA. YOU DON'T
BELIEVE THAT COCK-AND-BULL STORY

THE PLANT GAVE YOU, THAT
SHE'S HOME SICK, DO YOU?

WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

I'M GOING TO CALL
HER AT HOME MYSELF.

THAT... THAT'S GREAT,
GLORIA. THAT'S REALLY GREAT.

AND... AND SUPPOSE SHE'S HOME,
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY TO HER?

"HELLO, MISS TURNER.
I HATE TO BOTHER YOU,

BUT ARE YOU SHACKING
UP WITH MY FATHER?"

OH, HI, MA.

HI, MA. UH, THERE'S NO NEWS YET.

HERE, LET ME GIVE YOU A HAND.

OH, THANK YOU, MIKE.

OH, MA. YOU GOT TO TRY
NOT TO WORRY SO MUCH.

OH, I WASN'T
WORRYING THEN, GLORIA.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT
MY UNCLE HENRY'S WATCH.

HUH?

IT WAS ONE OF THEM
BIG RAILWAY WATCHES

HANGING ON A HEAVY SILVER CHAIN.

HE USED TO WEAR IT TO
WORK AT THE BREWERY.

EXCEPT HE NEVER
WORE IT ON SATURDAYS.

ON SATURDAYS, HE'D WIND IT
UP AND PUT IT ON THE TABLE

NEXT TO HIS BED, BESIDE THE
GLASS WITH HIS TEETH IN IT.

HE NEVER WORE THEM
ON SATURDAYS NEITHER.

ANYWAY, I USE TO
SNEAK INTO HIS BEDROOM

AND PICK UP THE WATCH
AND LISTEN TO IT TICKING.

THERE IT WAS, ALL WOUND UP

AND TELLING THE TIME EVEN
THOUGH NOBODY WANTED TO KNOW.

WHAT MADE YOU THINK OF THAT, MA?

WELL, IT WAS JUST LIKE
THAT AT FERGUSON'S MARKET.

JUST NOW, THERE I WAS

FILLING MY SHOPPING BASKET
WITH ALL THE RIGHT THINGS,

BUT I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER
TAKING THEM OFF THE SHELVES.

IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY
ON THE OUTSIDE

IS BUSY BEING ME

AND SOMEBODY ON THE INSIDE

IS BUSY THINKING ABOUT ARCHIE.

MA, DADDY WILL COME HOME.

OH, I KNOW HE WILL, GLORIA.

I... I JUST BOUGHT
HIM SOME BEER.

THAT WAY HE HAS TO COME HOME,

UH, TO DRINK IT.

OH, I BETTER PUT
THIS STUFF AWAY.

I'M MAKING THAT CALL, MICHAEL.

OH, I DON'T KNOW, GLORIA.

FOR MA'S SAKE, I,
I... I HOPE I'M WRONG.

MICHAEL, I KNOW YOU'RE WRONG.

PLEASE BE HOME, BOOM-BOOM.

IN BED,

SICK,

ALONE.

NO ANSWER?

OH, POOR MA, WHAT ARE
WE GOING TO TELL HER?

THE TRUTH. YOU GOT
TO TELL HER THE TRUTH.

WHY ME? YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT FOUND THE PICTURE.

GLORIA, YOU'RE MUCH BETTER AT IT
THAN I AM, AFTER ALL, YOU'RE A WOMAN.

OH, YOU GOT TO GIVE ME A
BETTER REASON THAN THAT.

HOW 'BOUT I'M A COWARD?

OK, ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL HER.

TELL ME WHAT, GLORIA?

MA, WILL YOU PLEASE COME
OVER HERE AND SIT DOWN?

YOU SEE, THIS IS
VERY, VERY IMPORTANT.

MICHAEL HAS SOMETHING
HE WANTS TO TELL YOU.

NO, I DON'T.

HONEY, PLEASE. NO, NO, NO.

HELP! UM,

OH, BOY.

UM, MA,

UH, W-W-WE'RE NOT SURE, BUT,

WELL, UH,

WE THINK IT'S POSSIBLE THAT...

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
ARCHIE AND ANOTHER WOMAN?

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

WELL, IT'S ONLY NATURAL.

A MAN AS HANDSOME AS ARCHIE.

WOMEN ARE ATTRACTED
TO HIM LIKE FLIES.

YOU MEAN THERE HAVE
BEEN OTHER WOMEN?

OH, SURE, CYBIL GULEY,

THE CHECKER DOWN
AT FERGUSON'S MARKET.

NO.

OH, SURE,

EVERY TIME ARCHIE
GOES SHOPPING FOR ME

SHE ALWAYS GIVES
HIM DOUBLE BAGS.

UH, MA.

I... I THINK YOU
SHOULD SEE THIS.

OH, WHAT A NICE
PICTURE OF ARCHIE.

UH, UH, NO, MA, THE... THE WOMAN,
LOOK AT... LOOK AT THE WOMAN.

THAT'S BOOM-BOOM.

YOU KNOW BOOM-BOOM?

OH SURE, HER REAL
NAME IS MILDRED TURNER.

I MET HER LAST YEAR
AT THE COMPANY PICNIC.

UH, UH, H-HOW DID YOU KNOW
THEY CALLED HER BOOM-BOOM?

ARCHIE TOLD ME.

DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY
CALL HER BOOM-BOOM?

NO.

BECAUSE SHE USED TO PLAY DRUMS
IN THE HIGH SCHOOL ORCHESTRA.

UH, MA,

I HATE TO SAY THIS, BUT

WE THINK THAT ARCHIE
AND BOOM-BOOM ARE

HAVING AN AFFAIR TOGETHER.

WHAT?

HAVING AN AFFAIR TOGETHER!

OH, NO, NOT ARCHIE.

NOT UNLESS SHE'S
HYPNOTIZED HIM OR SOMETHING.

OH, WOULD YOU GET THAT?

I, UH, NEED A COUPLE OF ASPIRIN.

SURE, MA.

OH, STRETCH.

HEY, HAVE I GOT
SOME NEWS FOR YOU.

BUT FIRST I GOTTA
SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

REMEMBER I WAS TELLING YOU
ABOUT BOOM-BOOM, WELL, LOOK AT THIS.

ANOTHER PICTURE OF
ARCHIE AND BOOM-BOOM.

CHRISTMAS 1972.

YEAH, HE AND BOOM-BOOM MAKE A
GREAT LOOKING TRIO, DON'T THEY?

ANYWAY, I, UH, FOUND OUT
SOMETHING ELSE YOU SHOULD KNOW.

STRETCH. OH, HI. EDITH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, UH, WELL, UH, THIS IS
KIND OF SQUIRMISH, YOU KNOW.

PLEASE, STRETCH, TELL MA.
SHE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW.

OK.

UH, BEING A FRIEND, I THOUGHT
I'LL DO A LITTLE CHECKING FOR YOU,

SO I CALLED BOOM-BOOM'S HOUSE
TO SEE IF SHE'S REALLY HOME SICK

AND, UH, I HATE TO TELL YOU
THIS BUT, UH, SHE AIN'T EVEN HOME.

SO I CALL HER MOTHER,
BOOM-BOOM'S OUT OF TOWN.

OUT OF TOWN.

UH, LISTEN, UH, I
GOT TO BE GOING.

WELL, THANKS FOR
STOPPING BY, STRETCH.

UH, YOU KNOW, I HATE
TO BRING BAD NEWS,

BUT WHEN THERE AIN'T NO GOOD NEWS,
WHAT OTHER KIND OF NEWS CAN YOU BRING?

AND THAT'S THE GUY ARCHIE
CALLS THE KING OF COMEDY.

OH, I'M SORRY, MA.

OH, WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT,
GLORIA. HE MEANT WELL.

UH, MA, THE POLICE SAID THAT
THEY WANTED A PICTURE OF ARCHIE.

DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE?

DOES IT MATTER
IF HE AIN'T SMILING?

I DON'T THINK SO.

THEN I'LL GET OUR
WEDDING PICTURE.

DOES GLORIA STIVIC LIVE HERE?

YEAH. YOU'RE MILDRED...

TURNER.

THAT'S RIGHT,
WHO'S GLORIA STIVIC?

THAT'S, UH, THAT'S ME.

OK, SO WHAT THE
HECK'S GOING ON HERE?

I TAKE A COUPLE OF DAYS SICK LEAVE AND
YOU GOT THE WHOLE TOWN LOOKING FOR ME.

YEAH, UH, WELL, WE JUST
WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

PLANT'S BEEN CALLING MY MOTHER,

STRETCH CUNNINGHAM'S BEEN CALLING MY
MOTHER, YOU GOT HER WORRIED TO DEATH.

OH, WE'RE SORRY.
YOU'RE SORRY, I'M SORRY.

WHAT'S THE SENSE OF BEING
ALONE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND

IF YOUR MOTHER KEEPS CALLING?

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH
THAT. WE PLAN TO GET MARRIED.

AS SOON AS HE GETS HIS DIVORCE.

MY MOTHER WILL NEVER LET HIM GO.

FIRST MY MOTHER,
NOW YOUR MOTHER.

W-WHAT IS GOING ON HERE ANYWAY?

I... I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHO
GLORIA'S MOTHER IS, BOOM-BOOM.

BOOM-BOOM, DID YOU
CALL ME BOOM-BOOM?

I THOUGHT EVERYBODY
CALLED YOU THAT.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I HAVE
DONE SOME BIG THINGS IN MY LIFE.

IN HIGH SCHOOL I GOT ALL A'S.

DOES ANYBODY EVER SAY
"THERE GOES THE BRAIN"?

IN 1962, I WON A DANCE CONTEST

AT ARTHUR MURRAY'S.

DOES ANYBODY EVER SAY
"THERE GOES MISS GRACEFUL"?

JUST ONCE I WALK
ACROSS THE LOADING DOCK

AND A KLUTZ BY THE NAME OF
ARCHIE BUNKER SAYS "BOOM-BOOM."

THAT, THEY REMEMBER.

WELL, IF YOU THINK THIS
ARCHIE BUNKER IS SUCH A KLUTZ,

WHY DID YOU HAVE THIS
PICTURE TAKEN WITH HIM?

I DIDN'T. SEE EVERY TIME I
STAND STILL AROUND THE PLACE

THAT KLUTZ BUNKER
JUMPS NEXT TO ME.

AND GETS HIS GOOFBALL FRIEND, STRETCH
CUNNINGHAM, TO SNAP ANOTHER PICTURE.

OH, IT DRIVES HAROLD CRAZY.

WHO'S HAROLD?

MY BOYFRIEND.

OH.

OH.

OH, MISS TURNER, I'M SO
HAPPY TO HEAR ABOUT HAROLD.

YOU SEE, I'M ARCHIE
BUNKER'S DAUGHTER.

OH, IS THAT SO, WELL,

YOU GOT MY SYMPATHY.

NOW YOU MIND TELLING
ME WHAT IS ALL THE PANIC

ABOUT GETTING AHOLD OF ME?

WELL, UH, THIS IS KIND
OF EMBARRASSING, UH,

SEE, UH, UH, UH,

ARCHIE LEFT TOWN YESTERDAY A-A-AND
STRETCH SAID THAT YOU WERE OUT OF TOWN.

SO WELL, WE THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU AND ARCHIE WERE TOGETHER.

I DON'T KNOW.

ME WITH ARCHIE BUNKER?

WHY WOULD I WANT TO
BE WITH ARCHIE BUNKER?

WHY WOULD ANY WOMAN WANT
TO BE WITH ARCHIE BUNKER?

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, HE
HAPPENS TO BE A WONDERFUL MAN.

NOW WAIT, GLORIA,
LET'S NOT EXAGGERATE.

WHAT?

MA, MA, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

OH, YEAH, LOOK, IT'S BOOM-BOOM.

OH, I'M SORRY.

WHY SHOULD YOU BE ANY
DIFFERENT? YOU KNOW,

NOBODY EVER
REMEMBERS MY REAL NAME.

MILDRED...

THANK YOU.

"BOOM-BOOM" TURNER.

THAT'S IT. GOODBYE.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE
MISS TURNER, DON'T GO.

WHY, WHAT'S TO KEEP ME?

WELL, UH, I WAS WONDERING IF

YOU AND ME NEED TO HAVE

A WOMAN-TO-OTHER-WOMAN TALK?

UH, MA, NO, WE WERE,
WE WERE WRONG.

ARCHIE... ARCHIE AND, UH, MISS
TURNER WERE NEVER TOGETHER.

REALLY, OH, I'M SO GLAD.

BELIEVE ME, SO AM I.

OH, MA.

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING LIKE THAT?

DADDY'S NOT WITH BOOM-BOOM.

I KNOW, GLORIA.

BUT IF HE WAS WITH BOOM-BOOM,
I'D KNOW WHERE HE WAS.

THIS WAY,

WHERE IS HE?

WHY, AIN'T THIS FUN?

NEXT WEEK ON ALL IN THE FAMILY.

SO GLOOMY AND I
WAS MISSING ARCHIE.

AND NOW HE'S COMING HOME
AND WE'RE HAVING A PARTY.

WHEN IS ARCHIE
GOING TO GET HOME?

WHO CARES?

GEORGE!

? WHO CARES IF THE SKY ?

? STARTS TO FALL INTO THE SEA ?

EDITH, I THINK YOU
HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

OH, NO.

YOU CAN'T FLY ON ONE LEG.

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO DO THIS ALL DAY.

NOW I'M GOING TO
REALLY DO IT. WATCH.

OH!

BE SURE TO JOIN US NEXT
WEEK FOR ARCHIE'S RETURN.

ALL IN THE FAMILY WAS
RECORDED ON TAPE

BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.

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