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1
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Thirty days ago,
our world shattered.
2
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:32,554
Our beloved father left us
to the world of truth.
3
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,773
The Gemara teaches
in maseches shabbos
4
00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:37,820
that only 30 days
after the passing,
5
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:40,605
as long as flesh remains
on the body,
6
00:00:40,605 --> 00:00:42,999
anything said to the niftar
7
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,132
will be heard by him
8
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:49,049
until his fate is sealed.
9
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:54,054
So today, on the thirtieth day,
10
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,231
we would like to tell you,
Father,
11
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:00,408
we're sorry.
12
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:03,933
Sorry if we ever offended you.
13
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,154
Sorry if we ever hurt you.
14
00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:12,072
Everything we did,
we did in your honor.
15
00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:26,956
Okay.
16
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,873
So, where were we?
17
00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:34,224
Who made the final call?
18
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,921
Arye for the top
of the gravestone,
19
00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:37,184
and Mom for the bottom.
20
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:38,489
Ah, got it.
21
00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:43,103
"Loved and loving."
22
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,713
Yeah. What's the problem
with that?
23
00:01:44,713 --> 00:01:46,715
No, just... Nothing.
24
00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:49,500
Just that neither is true.
25
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,807
What do you care if that's how
she wants to remember it?
26
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,202
Yeah. Who cares about the truth?
27
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:58,335
I really appreciate the offer,
Poli.
28
00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,989
-No.
- I mean, I hope you know that.
29
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:02,165
- Of course you appreciate it.
30
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,863
- It's a great offer. Yes.
-You know me.
31
00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:06,561
Do you really think
I'm gonna change my mind?
32
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,435
How much do you make
in your consulting work?
33
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,263
- Poli!
- Why? What's wrong?
34
00:02:13,263 --> 00:02:15,787
- That is none of your business.
- Baby, telling you,
35
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:17,441
- it's a terrible waste.
- Stop it.
36
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,313
You're the best
product manager in America.
37
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:20,923
- Mm-hmm.
- And I'm offering you here
38
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,490
an amazing start up. Not some...
39
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,231
- I know.
- ...fucking corporate gig.
40
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:25,319
It's a hell of a ride.
41
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,235
That's what always
turned you on.
42
00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:32,500
Doesn't turn me on anymore.
43
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:33,762
Mm-hmm.
44
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,635
I don't believe that.
45
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,333
- A drive like that doesn't--
-How are you guys
doing here?
46
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:41,117
- Mind if I clear some plates?
- Yeah, thanks.
47
00:02:41,117 --> 00:02:43,032
And would you be
interested in any dessert today?
48
00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:44,251
-Yeah, sure. Why not?
What do you--
- No.
49
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,905
Sorry.
50
00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:48,342
You know,
why don't I give you guys
51
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,126
- a minute, okay?
-Okay. Yeah.
52
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:52,737
- Sorry. Did you want something?
- No, it's okay.
53
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:54,870
- I just--
- Do you mean
you don't want anything?
54
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:58,308
Well, it's just, uh,
I have to leave 'cause, uh,
55
00:02:58,308 --> 00:03:00,223
Ava's got
a dentist appointment soon.
56
00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:03,270
Ah, okay. Okay.
No problem. Uh...
57
00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:09,232
So, how about tonight?
58
00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:14,672
Can't tonight. I have Ava.
59
00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:16,326
Jonathan's out of town.
60
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,763
Okay. Well, can't you get
a babysitter?
61
00:03:20,112 --> 00:03:21,679
I try not to do that
on the nights
62
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:23,028
that I have her with me.
63
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,468
Got it. Okay.
64
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,339
-Whenever you guys
are ready.
- Uh-huh.
65
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:41,699
Will you stay for coffee?
66
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:47,183
Uh, I have to get back. I can't.
67
00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:50,099
I'm sorry.
68
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,927
Why don't you stay
one more night
69
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,494
and leave first thing
tomorrow morning?
70
00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:54,669
Mom, I can't.
71
00:03:56,192 --> 00:03:58,020
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
watch out, watch out.
72
00:03:58,020 --> 00:03:59,630
- Slow down, slow down.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay.
73
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,328
-Okay. Slow down.
74
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:02,807
-Sorry, sorry, sorry.
75
00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:04,809
Okay. Just drive
a little slower, okay?
76
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,250
- I'm still not used to driving.
-Yeah.
77
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,947
Your father hardly ever let me.
78
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,472
And I always really liked it.
79
00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:20,912
So, that's a silver lining,
right?
80
00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:22,479
What?
What do you mean?
81
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,351
No, no, nothing.
82
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:26,353
What nothing?
83
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:31,575
I mean, it's just--
I think it's okay to--
84
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:35,536
I don't know. To recognize
the positive aspects of...
85
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,627
not living with him anymore,
you know,
86
00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,585
not always worrying
what Dad thinks.
87
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:43,544
What?
88
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,807
Do you think I'm supposed
to be happy your father is dead?
89
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:48,331
No, I didn't say that.
Did I say that?
90
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:50,290
No, I'm saying that I--
91
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,901
Look, he wasn't the easiest guy
to live with.
92
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:55,207
Right? Let's say he was
very free with his judgments.
93
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:56,905
So what?
94
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,907
He had high standards,
especially for himself.
95
00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:00,561
Oh, Mom, come on.
96
00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:01,953
Most of the time
you were just scared of him.
97
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,607
- Scared?
- Yeah, you were scared.
98
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:05,609
You were scared that he was
gonna accuse you
99
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:06,828
- of some mortal--
- Yonatan, where is this
coming from?
100
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,744
Why are you talking like this?
101
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:11,311
What's wrong with talking?
102
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,660
Maybe if you and Dad
spoke more, then--
103
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,488
We spoke a lot.
104
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:16,403
We had five children,
we had a household to run.
105
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,969
-All right.
- What, you think
we didn't speak?
106
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,623
-Okay.
- So cut it out.
107
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,930
I'm just saying
that you spent many, many years
108
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:24,193
living with someone
you didn't love, okay?
109
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:25,586
Not to mention, you know,
attraction.
110
00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:27,152
What?
111
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:28,763
I just don't want you
to feel guilty
112
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:29,807
about feeling
the tiniest bit relieved.
113
00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:32,027
Well, I'm not relieved.
114
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:33,855
-Okay.
- Would you like to force me
to feel relieved?
115
00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:35,987
- Okay.
-I loved your father.
116
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,904
Yes, yes.
117
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:41,819
Maybe not by your standards.
118
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,952
All right.
Well, I'm not interested
119
00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:45,170
in having a fight with you,
okay?
120
00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:46,563
Mmm.
121
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:48,522
- I'm just saying--
- I'm not.
122
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:53,178
Before you disrespect
what I had with your father,
123
00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,919
- think hard...
-Mm-hmm?
124
00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,921
...about whether you did
everything you could
125
00:05:56,921 --> 00:06:00,360
to stay together, you know,
to get sholom bayis.
126
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,188
All right.
Stay together for the kids.
127
00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:04,625
-And even if so...
- The kids.
128
00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,670
...what's so wrong about that?
129
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,804
What? Is that anything
to look down on?
130
00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,675
You don't think
that's important?
131
00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:13,938
A kid will always want
his parents to stay together
132
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,723
- even if it's not--
- Uh, first of all,
133
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:17,246
- definitely not always.
-All those people
134
00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:18,813
who say, "Oh, if I'm happy,
135
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,815
then my kid will be happy too,"
136
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:23,470
that is nonsense.
137
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:26,168
Get a divorce, fine.
But don't lie to yourself.
138
00:06:31,347 --> 00:06:34,698
I really-- I'm just savoring
every moment with her, you know.
139
00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,787
The years go so fast,
and now we have
140
00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,920
these amazing nights together.
There's--
141
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,313
- We watch movies, and--
- Are you seeing someone?
142
00:06:42,184 --> 00:06:44,404
What? No.
143
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,928
Yeah, I think you are.
144
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:49,234
Well, I'm not, so.
145
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,541
And I have a feeling
I know who it is, too.
146
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,023
I'm not seeing anybody,
147
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,720
and I'm not planning on it
anytime soon.
148
00:06:58,156 --> 00:06:59,201
Is it Ackerman?
149
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:02,596
What? No, of course not.
150
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:04,946
I think it is.
And honestly,
151
00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:06,687
I always knew it was going
to happen at some point.
152
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:08,558
All right.
Well, it's not Ackerman. It's--
153
00:07:08,558 --> 00:07:10,691
I mean,
it's not anyone, actually, so.
154
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:13,302
Okay. Whatever. Fair enough.
155
00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:15,173
This is me.
156
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,700
Okay. Well, uh...
157
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:21,615
Good luck with him.
158
00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:25,706
I give it a year max.
159
00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,621
- Okay, I'll--
- Then you leave him too.
160
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:28,796
Okay.
161
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:33,365
You know,
sometimes I just...
162
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,064
I just wish
I hadn't met you at all.
163
00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:38,806
- I didn't spend
all these years on...
-Poli, stop.
164
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:40,895
...someone who doesn't
understand what it means
165
00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:42,679
to be in a relationship.
166
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,507
You're saying things
that you don't mean. Stop.
167
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:46,509
And what living together
actually means. Family.
168
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:54,169
Okay, well... I'm running late.
169
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,003
Bye, Poli.
170
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,937
- Hello?
Hey, Mom.
171
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,200
- Hey, honey. How you doing?
-Good.
172
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:13,640
Josie's mom wanted me to check
if I can watch a PG-13 movie.
173
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,729
Well, I'm doing great.
Thanks for asking.
174
00:09:15,729 --> 00:09:17,208
Mom.
175
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:19,341
Yeah, of course you can.
176
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:22,736
That's what I told her,
but she wanted me to ask. Mom?
177
00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:25,521
Um, tell her thank you
for checking and, you know,
178
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:27,567
if you could also
remind her that--
179
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,699
We're about to have dinner,
so I can't really talk.
180
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:33,137
Okay-- Yeah, but hon--
Okay, just remember, you know,
181
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,617
I have a meeting
that's really late,
182
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,663
so, um, if you need anything,
183
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:39,230
- just have her text me and--
-I know. You told me.
184
00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:41,363
-Oh, Mom?
-Yes, honey?
185
00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:44,322
- Can I go to sleep
at- 30, please?
186
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,368
- Okay.
- 'Cause Josie's bedtime is30.
187
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,805
Um, Josie's a little older
than you.
188
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,024
Mom.
189
00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:51,982
But, um...
190
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,290
uh, yeah, sure, you can.
191
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:57,553
-Thank you.
- You're welcome.
192
00:09:57,553 --> 00:09:59,163
Please try to get
some sleep though, okay?
193
00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:00,600
Okay, love you, bye.
194
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,819
- Okay, love you--
195
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:05,561
- Hey.
-Hey.
196
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,306
Is she with Veronica?
197
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:12,916
No, she's with Josie. It's--
198
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,439
- Oh, right, right, right.
- Yeah, yeah.
199
00:10:14,439 --> 00:10:16,441
- She's over the moon, though.
- Yeah.
200
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:19,009
- Sleepover on a school night.
- Oh, wow. Yeah, I bet. I mean--
201
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,707
How's your mom?
202
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,534
Uh, she's good, she's good.
203
00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:25,146
Yeah, it ended up being
a little harder than I expected
204
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:26,756
- to leave, so...
-That's okay.
205
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,366
I mean, you could
have stayed. It's--
206
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:29,846
- No, no, no, don't--
- I texted you that--
207
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,413
No way, no way.
208
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,898
- Shall we get going?
- Yes, let's do it.
209
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:52,303
You know,
when, um, I was leaving,
210
00:10:52,303 --> 00:10:54,784
Arye said, "Happy Purim."
211
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,656
- Is today Purim?
- Sunday.
212
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:58,875
Oh.
213
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,442
So you know--
you know what that means?
214
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,010
Mm-mmm.
215
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,751
Our anniversary.
216
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,274
What?
What are you talking about?
217
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:08,668
Our anniversary
was, uh, September 2nd.
218
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:11,758
Not-- not of our wedding.
219
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,673
Of the first time we...
220
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,678
you know.
221
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,070
- After the emergency room.
- Right.
222
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,506
After my asthma attack.
223
00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:22,899
How do you even remember
that date?
224
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,596
- Because it was Purim.
- Okay.
225
00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:26,294
And I was over at Hoffman's.
226
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:27,948
We were drinking ourselves
to death.
227
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:30,037
And that's-- that's how
the whole thing started.
228
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,215
I thought maybe...
229
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:35,956
You know what?
Would you make a left turn here?
230
00:11:35,956 --> 00:11:37,566
No, it's actually further down.
231
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:40,264
No, I know,
but just make a left here.
232
00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:43,354
Is the place-- is the surprise
you were talking to me about?
233
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:46,183
Left.
234
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:48,751
- Okay, mister.
- Right here.
235
00:11:53,190 --> 00:11:54,626
Actually,
you know what?
236
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,716
Pull over right here.
237
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,066
You're not gonna kidnap
and murder me, are you?
238
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:00,545
Just pull over.
239
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:13,558
Can I open my eyes now?
240
00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:16,387
Not yet.
241
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:24,221
Well?
242
00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:32,273
Almost there.
243
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,284
Open your eyes.
244
00:12:52,815 --> 00:12:54,251
Surprise.
245
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:03,217
- Yeah, so...
246
00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:04,958
I kind of became obsessed
with the house.
247
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,742
Okay.
248
00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:08,265
And I've been driving by it
on my way to work
249
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:11,573
and on my way back
just to see it.
250
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,270
I know it's...
251
00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:16,012
I know.
It's very sentimental of me.
252
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:18,275
- It's very nice.
- Yeah.
253
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:21,888
So, um, anyway, uh,
when my parents visited,
254
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:26,414
uh, last Hanukkah,
I went on Airbnb to find a place
255
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:30,505
for them to stay and suddenly,
our house popped up.
256
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,334
Huh.
257
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:36,206
Yeah,
I guess they rent it out
258
00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:38,948
when they go on vacation
or whatever.
259
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:43,953
So, um-- so I signed up
for, uh, alerts.
260
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,827
So,
are they on vacation now?
261
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,437
I guess so. Yeah.
262
00:13:54,616 --> 00:13:55,965
So what do you say?
263
00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:00,187
- Yeah.
-Yeah?
264
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:01,144
Mm-hmm.
265
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:02,667
Okay.
266
00:14:21,817 --> 00:14:22,905
So...
267
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:28,302
- there's a lockbox...
-Okay.
268
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,870
...somewhere. Ah, here it is.
269
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:36,614
Four, oh, five...
270
00:14:48,539 --> 00:14:49,540
Okay.
271
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:07,515
Thank you.
272
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:28,204
- Boys.
- Crazy, huh?
273
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,295
What do you think, like...
274
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:36,865
seven and ten?
275
00:16:36,865 --> 00:16:39,085
Yeah, something like that. Yeah.
276
00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:41,174
What's that smell?
277
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:45,743
Dead body?
278
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,049
Oh.
279
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,268
What is it?
280
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:49,399
Hockey stink.
281
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,750
- It's worse.
282
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,323
Sweet.
283
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,071
I guess this one
they couldn't really improve.
284
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:12,901
They kept the light fixtures.
285
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:14,381
Yeah.
286
00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:23,868
No smoking, no pets,
287
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:29,048
- no parties or events.
- Mm.
288
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,100
Huh.
289
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,886
Is that included in the rental?
290
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,196
- I'll get them a new one.
291
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:50,199
You're such a rebel.
292
00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:52,723
That's me.
293
00:17:59,774 --> 00:18:00,905
Thanks.
294
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,866
- Happy anniversary.
295
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,173
Happy anniversary.
296
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,529
Seventeen years.
297
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:17,835
Can you believe it?
298
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:20,229
Yeah.
299
00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:29,804
Well, my parents celebrated
their 53rd-year anniversary
300
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:30,805
this year.
301
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:33,416
That's-- That's crazy.
302
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:41,032
What?
303
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:48,083
Just, I got in a fight
with my mom.
304
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,129
But I kinda picked the fight
with her.
305
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,306
For some reason I was trying
to get her to admit
306
00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:54,959
that her marriage
had been terrible.
307
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:57,875
You--
308
00:18:57,875 --> 00:19:00,182
It's amazing how you always
become like a little boy
309
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,315
- around your mom.
- I know. I don't know why.
310
00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:04,404
- Why?
- I don't know why.
311
00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:06,797
- Don't know why I did that.
- Mm-hmm.
312
00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:13,239
At least we talked, you know.
Like really talked.
313
00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:15,110
Yeah.
314
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:20,811
Well, I'm sure she must be
so proud of you right now.
315
00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:22,552
Yeah, in her own way.
316
00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:27,644
Elisheva told me that
she watched my TED Talk
317
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:29,211
- like six times.
- Really?
318
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:31,082
But she'd never tell me that,
though.
319
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:32,823
And I can't tell her I know.
320
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:34,260
You know how
that whole dance goes.
321
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:37,959
Yeah, I know.
322
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:40,701
Yeah.
323
00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:43,138
She says hi, by the way.
324
00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:46,620
- Come on.
- It's true.
325
00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:52,321
What?
326
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,804
You think she suspects something
about the two of us?
327
00:19:57,761 --> 00:19:59,589
- About us?
- Yeah.
328
00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:01,504
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
329
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:04,072
No way.
No, no, no, seriously, no way.
330
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:05,508
How can you be so sure?
331
00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,294
- Because...
- Mmm.
332
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:11,514
Nothing could seem
more far-fetched than this.
333
00:20:11,514 --> 00:20:15,388
It's completely outside
her spectrum of possibilities.
334
00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:17,390
Mm-hmm.
335
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:23,178
And, uh, so when she saw us
go up to your old room together
336
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:26,921
when I visited a month ago
after your father died...
337
00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,923
- Mm-hmm.
- That...
338
00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:30,968
What? No,
it's totally acceptable
339
00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:33,754
for children to have guests
in their old room during Shiva.
340
00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:35,973
Right.
341
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:38,324
And, um, when she knocked
on the door
342
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:40,804
and you didn't answer it?
343
00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:47,202
She thought I was sleeping.
I asked her afterwards. I did.
344
00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:49,465
- I'm not convinced.
- I'm telling you,
345
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:53,295
if I could never imagine
this happening,
346
00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:54,644
there's no way she could.
347
00:20:57,865 --> 00:20:59,301
What did you imagine?
348
00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:03,392
When you came to Shiva?
349
00:21:08,702 --> 00:21:10,573
Honestly, I was just trying
to hide the fact
350
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:12,793
that I had a massive boner
in front of everybody.
351
00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:16,057
I know.
352
00:21:16,057 --> 00:21:17,841
I felt it when you hugged me.
353
00:21:17,841 --> 00:21:20,366
- I wanted you to feel it.
- Oh, my God.
354
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:29,897
And then, when you asked me
to go upstairs with you,
355
00:21:29,897 --> 00:21:33,466
I felt that all the eyes
in the house were watching us
356
00:21:33,466 --> 00:21:35,859
and they knew exactly
what was about to happen.
357
00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:38,471
Mmm. What did that do to you?
358
00:21:39,994 --> 00:21:41,561
It made me wet.
359
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:51,832
It' was so crazy.
360
00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:59,318
In the middle of all
that family shit and grief.
361
00:22:02,408 --> 00:22:05,019
And after all that time,
you coming in there like that,
362
00:22:05,019 --> 00:22:07,717
like... like an apparition.
363
00:22:10,677 --> 00:22:12,592
Well, I know.
I saw it on your face.
364
00:22:29,173 --> 00:22:31,785
They're really, like,
making me angry, you know?
365
00:22:31,785 --> 00:22:33,047
Yeah, I get that.
366
00:22:34,483 --> 00:22:36,006
- It's not ugly.
- No.
367
00:22:36,006 --> 00:22:37,356
They did a nice job, but like...
368
00:22:38,922 --> 00:22:41,272
- how dare they, you know?
369
00:22:41,272 --> 00:22:42,317
Uh-huh.
370
00:22:45,102 --> 00:22:47,017
Still, it's better
than a hotel room, right?
371
00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:51,282
I don't know.
I kind of like a hotel room.
372
00:22:52,327 --> 00:22:53,546
- Really?
-Yeah.
373
00:22:54,982 --> 00:22:56,636
Something about it's like,
374
00:22:56,636 --> 00:22:58,464
it is what it is
and it's not what it's not.
375
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:03,512
Yeah, maybe.
376
00:23:12,956 --> 00:23:17,526
So... anything going on?
377
00:23:18,962 --> 00:23:20,355
What's happening?
378
00:23:20,355 --> 00:23:21,487
What could be happening?
379
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,011
Are you seeing anyone?
380
00:23:26,013 --> 00:23:28,363
- Since last week?
-Yeah.
381
00:23:28,363 --> 00:23:31,453
Any promising dates?
Anything you wanna...
382
00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:33,237
-No.
- ...take further?
383
00:23:33,237 --> 00:23:34,891
I told you I don't want
anything serious right now.
384
00:23:37,503 --> 00:23:39,548
- Why not?
- Okay. I have to say,
385
00:23:39,548 --> 00:23:41,289
you're getting a little
obsessed with the subject
386
00:23:41,289 --> 00:23:44,379
and I'm, uh, asking myself
what that is about.
387
00:23:44,379 --> 00:23:46,729
No, nothing. I'm just--
I'm trying to grasp
388
00:23:46,729 --> 00:23:49,384
- the concept here.
- But what concept?
389
00:23:49,384 --> 00:23:53,301
Being alone. This whole
"I'm better off alone" thing.
390
00:23:53,301 --> 00:23:55,564
It's not a concept.
I'm just happy this way.
391
00:23:58,001 --> 00:24:01,048
Okay. Not totally buying it.
392
00:24:03,354 --> 00:24:05,835
Right, you used to always panic
whenever I would talk
393
00:24:05,835 --> 00:24:07,837
about being alone.
394
00:24:07,837 --> 00:24:11,362
Yeah. You saw it as a sign
that, um, I was in a bad way,
395
00:24:11,362 --> 00:24:14,148
but reality is, I just...
396
00:24:14,148 --> 00:24:17,151
It was something that I felt
like I was missing.
397
00:24:17,151 --> 00:24:20,633
You know, I'd never really
even expected
398
00:24:20,633 --> 00:24:22,199
that I'd ever get married.
399
00:24:22,199 --> 00:24:23,810
Yeah, I remember.
400
00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:27,074
Even with you.
401
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:28,510
I know.
402
00:24:29,772 --> 00:24:31,992
That night
when you proposed and...
403
00:24:31,992 --> 00:24:34,255
- Mm-hmm. Talked.
- ...all night...
404
00:24:34,255 --> 00:24:35,474
- That's right.
- ...about it.
405
00:24:37,127 --> 00:24:40,827
Then the next morning,
I went to go see my mom.
406
00:24:40,827 --> 00:24:44,874
I don't actually-- I don't know
if I told you much about this.
407
00:24:44,874 --> 00:24:46,441
- I don't think so.
- Um...
408
00:24:47,398 --> 00:24:49,575
it was in, uh, Back Bay.
409
00:24:49,575 --> 00:24:51,838
She was living nearby
with Julian.
410
00:24:51,838 --> 00:24:54,275
- Mm-hmm.
- Her third husband.
411
00:24:54,275 --> 00:24:55,885
I'm not sure
if you even met him.
412
00:24:55,885 --> 00:24:57,626
Yeah, I think I did.
I think I did once.
413
00:24:57,626 --> 00:24:59,236
Okay. Well,
they split up soon after.
414
00:24:59,236 --> 00:25:01,412
Anyway, she, um, she was like...
415
00:25:03,153 --> 00:25:04,285
"Don't do it."
416
00:25:05,025 --> 00:25:06,330
Don't do what?
417
00:25:06,330 --> 00:25:07,462
Don't get married.
418
00:25:08,419 --> 00:25:10,073
- She said that?
- Yeah.
419
00:25:10,073 --> 00:25:12,467
"Jonathan's a good guy.
420
00:25:12,467 --> 00:25:14,121
Best guy you've ever been with."
421
00:25:14,121 --> 00:25:15,862
- Obviously.
- Mm-hmm.
422
00:25:15,862 --> 00:25:18,168
"Probably the best guy
you'll ever be with."
423
00:25:18,168 --> 00:25:20,519
- Wow, Mom, okay.
424
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,521
"But you know you're not cut out
for getting married.
425
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:25,045
You don't have that gene."
426
00:25:25,045 --> 00:25:27,047
She said, "I don't have it,
your father certainly
427
00:25:27,047 --> 00:25:28,483
doesn't have it,
so why would you have it?"
428
00:25:33,793 --> 00:25:35,751
I mean, this is--
this is the woman
429
00:25:35,751 --> 00:25:37,884
- that dragged you along
on her trysts...
- Yeah.
430
00:25:37,884 --> 00:25:39,581
...when you were five years old,
so I don't think
431
00:25:39,581 --> 00:25:41,322
really the person
to listen to, right?
432
00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:44,281
Well, obviously, I didn't.
433
00:25:46,762 --> 00:25:51,158
No, I was gonna prove her wrong,
gonna prove it to myself.
434
00:25:51,158 --> 00:25:53,900
So I, you know, spent my life
435
00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:55,554
trying to prove
that I was different.
436
00:25:57,033 --> 00:25:58,426
And that I was gonna
make it last.
437
00:26:06,173 --> 00:26:07,522
It didn't last.
438
00:26:12,396 --> 00:26:13,876
So maybe she was right.
439
00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:15,791
She's right?
440
00:26:15,791 --> 00:26:18,272
Yeah. Right about the gene?
441
00:26:18,272 --> 00:26:20,317
The monogamy gene?
442
00:26:20,317 --> 00:26:21,928
No, it's just maybe...
443
00:26:24,234 --> 00:26:25,801
maybe it's not right for me.
444
00:26:27,847 --> 00:26:30,023
So what, does it mean
that you're doomed?
445
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:31,502
No.
446
00:26:32,721 --> 00:26:34,636
Jonathan, I'm not doomed.
447
00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:39,815
I wonder if it's hard for you
to understand because...
448
00:26:41,991 --> 00:26:44,254
you really can't be alone.
449
00:26:44,254 --> 00:26:46,735
I mean, you never could.
450
00:26:46,735 --> 00:26:49,042
You always needed like,
I don't know, a...
451
00:26:51,174 --> 00:26:53,307
witness to your life.
452
00:26:57,485 --> 00:26:59,618
- Witness?
-Yeah.
453
00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:01,402
- Okay.
- Yeah. Someone who's constantly,
454
00:27:01,402 --> 00:27:03,752
you know, seeing you, and...
455
00:27:03,752 --> 00:27:06,276
I mean, like, keeping a record.
456
00:27:06,973 --> 00:27:09,453
Hmm. Okay.
457
00:27:11,673 --> 00:27:13,936
No, did I hurt your feelings?
458
00:27:13,936 --> 00:27:16,069
No, no, no.
No, no, I didn't--
459
00:27:16,069 --> 00:27:18,114
I didn't realize
I was such a burden.
460
00:27:18,114 --> 00:27:19,768
You're not. You weren't.
461
00:27:21,335 --> 00:27:23,598
- It's not personal, you know.
- Okay.
462
00:27:25,208 --> 00:27:28,429
I really think most women
feel this way about men.
463
00:27:28,429 --> 00:27:29,430
Hmm.
464
00:27:30,736 --> 00:27:31,693
Yeah.
465
00:27:35,479 --> 00:27:40,528
I mean, I haven't been single
since I was 15 years old,
466
00:27:40,528 --> 00:27:42,008
- you know what I mean?
- Mm-hmm.
467
00:27:43,139 --> 00:27:44,358
I realized...
468
00:27:46,926 --> 00:27:48,449
it's kind of refreshing.
469
00:28:15,171 --> 00:28:16,259
You okay?
470
00:28:19,523 --> 00:28:21,700
- Something's off.
- Yeah.
471
00:28:23,136 --> 00:28:24,746
- It's just so weird.
- Yeah.
472
00:28:24,746 --> 00:28:28,445
It's so weird to be here again.
473
00:28:35,714 --> 00:28:37,063
You okay?
474
00:28:37,063 --> 00:28:38,804
Yeah. It's nothing serious.
475
00:28:44,418 --> 00:28:47,421
Maybe it was a bad idea
to come here?
476
00:28:47,421 --> 00:28:50,380
No, I really am happy
you brought me here.
477
00:28:50,380 --> 00:28:53,644
- Yeah?
- No, it was a really
nice thought.
478
00:28:53,644 --> 00:28:55,342
Yeah, maybe it's just the day.
479
00:28:56,517 --> 00:28:58,127
- Uh-huh.
- It's just so much.
480
00:29:00,086 --> 00:29:02,392
Yeah.
481
00:29:02,392 --> 00:29:05,265
Yeah, maybe we should have,
uh, yeah, postponed it, so.
482
00:29:08,703 --> 00:29:11,706
- Let me get my, uh...
- Sure.
483
00:29:11,706 --> 00:29:12,881
Be right back.
484
00:31:30,671 --> 00:31:32,325
- Fuck.
485
00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:43,118
Hey, Jane.
486
00:31:43,118 --> 00:31:45,991
-Jonathan.
- Hi, baby.
487
00:31:45,991 --> 00:31:49,124
Oh. You only speak to me
when you're, like, really tired.
488
00:31:49,124 --> 00:31:52,562
No, yeah, I'm still up.
I'm still up.
489
00:31:52,562 --> 00:31:55,087
I'm just talking quietly
'cause Mom fell asleep already.
490
00:31:55,087 --> 00:31:56,697
-Oh.
491
00:31:56,697 --> 00:31:58,568
- Yeah.
-So sorry. Is she okay?
492
00:31:58,568 --> 00:32:00,744
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's fine.
It's just...
493
00:32:00,744 --> 00:32:03,747
you know, the whole thing
at the ceremony
494
00:32:03,747 --> 00:32:05,749
was really draining for her.
495
00:32:05,749 --> 00:32:07,403
Oh, God. Are you okay?
496
00:32:07,403 --> 00:32:09,101
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
497
00:32:09,101 --> 00:32:11,277
Yeah. Well, you know how it is.
It's like the...
498
00:32:11,277 --> 00:32:14,671
being at the cemetery, and then
going to an empty house,
499
00:32:14,671 --> 00:32:16,021
it was a lot for her.
500
00:32:20,764 --> 00:32:25,552
Uh, yes, taking the30 train
out of Valley Stream
501
00:32:25,552 --> 00:32:27,902
than the Amtrak
from Penn Station.
502
00:32:28,729 --> 00:32:30,296
Okay.
503
00:32:30,296 --> 00:32:32,385
- Yep.
-So, um...
504
00:32:34,822 --> 00:32:36,302
Is he up?
505
00:32:36,302 --> 00:32:37,999
Okay, he's right there with you?
506
00:32:37,999 --> 00:32:40,306
Yeah, he wants to say hi.
507
00:32:40,306 --> 00:32:41,960
Okay. Yeah. Just, uh...
508
00:32:43,918 --> 00:32:45,964
- Trying to connect here.
509
00:32:48,444 --> 00:32:49,576
Okay.
510
00:32:50,751 --> 00:32:51,839
Okay.
511
00:32:53,319 --> 00:32:55,060
- Oh, hello.
512
00:32:55,060 --> 00:32:57,149
-Hi.
-Hi.
513
00:32:57,149 --> 00:33:00,935
-Say Hi.
- Hey, Ethan.
514
00:33:00,935 --> 00:33:04,417
Oh, Bubba, why are you awake?
515
00:33:04,417 --> 00:33:06,723
He was growing some teeth.
Encouraging.
516
00:33:07,811 --> 00:33:09,639
What's up now, where are you?
517
00:33:09,639 --> 00:33:11,206
Uh, I'm in the bathroom.
518
00:33:12,860 --> 00:33:14,862
-What?
- I'm in the bathroom.
519
00:33:15,471 --> 00:33:17,299
Okay.
520
00:33:17,299 --> 00:33:19,388
Look, Ethan, can you show Daddy
your new trick?
521
00:33:19,388 --> 00:33:20,824
Can you-- What does a dog say?
522
00:33:20,824 --> 00:33:22,000
Woof.
523
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,349
-Woof.
- Woof. Woof?
524
00:33:23,349 --> 00:33:24,959
-Yeah.
- Oh, my gosh.
525
00:33:24,959 --> 00:33:26,526
He just did that today?
526
00:33:28,571 --> 00:33:31,313
He's just, like, wants to party?
527
00:33:31,313 --> 00:33:35,665
He's like sleeping and eating
because...
528
00:33:35,665 --> 00:33:37,711
I mean, he's living the life.
Um...
529
00:33:37,711 --> 00:33:40,366
Oh, man.
530
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,021
It's tough, huh? Sorry.
531
00:33:44,239 --> 00:33:45,632
I love you.
532
00:33:45,632 --> 00:33:47,590
- Okay. I love you too.
- Bye.
533
00:33:47,590 --> 00:33:49,897
- Lila tov, bubbelah.
- Lila tov.
534
00:33:49,897 --> 00:33:51,638
Say "lila tov," bye.
535
00:33:51,638 --> 00:33:53,335
- Okay, baby.
536
00:33:53,335 --> 00:33:54,771
-Okay, I'm gonna try to...
- Lila tov.
537
00:33:55,816 --> 00:33:56,947
-Bye, coocoo.
- Bye.
538
00:33:56,947 --> 00:33:58,862
Bye. Bye, cooties.
539
00:33:58,862 --> 00:34:01,474
-Bye. Love to your mom, okay?
- Okay. Thanks, sweetie.
540
00:34:01,474 --> 00:34:02,605
Okay.
541
00:34:28,196 --> 00:34:30,068
Oh, my God.
542
00:34:31,373 --> 00:34:34,202
- Wow!
- I know, right?
543
00:34:34,942 --> 00:34:37,249
Oh, my God.
544
00:34:37,249 --> 00:34:39,555
Can you imagine this
as Ava's room?
545
00:34:39,555 --> 00:34:41,731
No way, we would have taken it
for ourselves.
546
00:34:42,645 --> 00:34:44,386
Look at this.
547
00:34:44,386 --> 00:34:46,432
Is this what you imagined
back then?
548
00:34:46,432 --> 00:34:49,478
Well, yeah, not this big, but...
yeah, something like that.
549
00:34:51,219 --> 00:34:53,221
So this is what I missed out on,
huh?
550
00:34:53,221 --> 00:34:54,657
Well, you could have done it
yourself.
551
00:34:55,310 --> 00:34:57,921
Yes. True.
552
00:35:08,062 --> 00:35:09,281
Cute.
553
00:35:10,586 --> 00:35:11,892
Genius kid.
554
00:35:27,647 --> 00:35:30,476
It is a little over the top,
but I have to say
555
00:35:30,476 --> 00:35:32,652
the effect is undeniable.
556
00:35:52,585 --> 00:35:53,629
You okay?
557
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:55,718
Yeah.
558
00:35:55,718 --> 00:35:57,155
Yeah, sorry,
it wasn't very serious.
559
00:35:57,155 --> 00:35:59,157
Sorry, I disappeared on you.
560
00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:03,378
Hmm, you got dressed.
561
00:36:05,772 --> 00:36:07,252
You wanted to leave.
562
00:36:10,690 --> 00:36:12,866
Yeah, just for a second,
but it passed.
563
00:36:18,393 --> 00:36:20,134
Who was that on the phone?
564
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:23,703
- Jane.
- Mmm.
565
00:36:23,703 --> 00:36:24,834
And Ethan.
566
00:36:26,009 --> 00:36:28,273
Everything all right?
567
00:36:28,273 --> 00:36:30,362
Yeah, yeah. They just wanted
to say goodnight.
568
00:36:40,415 --> 00:36:41,547
Guilt.
569
00:36:49,076 --> 00:36:50,338
I don't know.
570
00:36:55,778 --> 00:36:59,913
I think I'm over my obsession
with being a good person,
571
00:37:02,176 --> 00:37:04,134
- you know?
- Mm-hmm.
572
00:37:04,134 --> 00:37:07,616
Constantly checking to make sure
I'm doing the right thing.
573
00:37:10,445 --> 00:37:12,317
I don't really have
that need anymore, for...
574
00:37:13,492 --> 00:37:15,189
moral superiority.
575
00:37:16,582 --> 00:37:18,497
I'm no better than anybody else.
It's okay.
576
00:37:20,629 --> 00:37:21,804
Okay.
577
00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:24,242
What?
578
00:37:25,286 --> 00:37:27,114
Just not totally buying it.
579
00:37:29,551 --> 00:37:31,466
- Touché.
580
00:37:34,469 --> 00:37:36,123
I'm not saying I'm proud of it.
581
00:37:38,212 --> 00:37:41,084
The affairs. But, you know...
582
00:37:41,084 --> 00:37:42,738
Mm-hmm?
583
00:37:42,738 --> 00:37:46,089
I just realized
that there's things that...
584
00:37:47,395 --> 00:37:49,789
I mean, I have needs
that I'm not...
585
00:37:49,789 --> 00:37:52,661
- willing to ignore anymore.
-Mm-hmm.
586
00:37:52,661 --> 00:37:57,231
And, you know, that's
just how it is for me right now.
587
00:37:57,231 --> 00:37:59,407
Just accepting that.
That's okay.
588
00:38:01,366 --> 00:38:02,671
"Affairs," plural?
589
00:38:07,197 --> 00:38:10,723
Yeah, I had--
I had something six months ago.
590
00:38:12,159 --> 00:38:13,291
It was meaningless.
591
00:38:16,555 --> 00:38:20,863
Two somethings
if you count one-night stands,
592
00:38:22,648 --> 00:38:23,953
which I don't, so.
593
00:38:27,043 --> 00:38:28,306
Well...
594
00:38:29,916 --> 00:38:33,398
Maybe you have lost
your moral superiority.
595
00:38:33,398 --> 00:38:35,704
That doesn't sound very good
when you say it.
596
00:38:35,704 --> 00:38:37,315
It's like, what?
597
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:39,317
I'm the last person to judge.
598
00:38:53,940 --> 00:38:55,681
I didn't want to marry her.
599
00:38:58,248 --> 00:39:00,729
I'm not saying that
as a justification for anything.
600
00:39:00,729 --> 00:39:01,904
It's just the truth.
601
00:39:04,516 --> 00:39:08,084
But we had a really good time
together.
602
00:39:08,084 --> 00:39:11,479
And, you know,
sometimes it's easy to confuse
603
00:39:11,479 --> 00:39:13,046
great sex with love.
604
00:39:13,829 --> 00:39:15,570
Easy for you.
605
00:39:15,570 --> 00:39:17,355
I don't think it's just me.
606
00:39:19,879 --> 00:39:23,186
But she got pregnant.
607
00:39:24,449 --> 00:39:26,407
And, um...
608
00:39:26,407 --> 00:39:29,584
- I really wanted that kid.
-Hmm.
609
00:39:29,584 --> 00:39:31,717
And, you know,
she wanted to get married.
610
00:39:31,717 --> 00:39:33,458
And I just thought, why not?
611
00:39:33,458 --> 00:39:35,242
What's the difference
between living together
612
00:39:35,242 --> 00:39:36,374
and getting married?
613
00:39:37,070 --> 00:39:38,158
So I said yes.
614
00:39:41,074 --> 00:39:42,641
Then Ethan was born.
615
00:39:44,730 --> 00:39:46,819
And he's just... ugh.
616
00:39:50,170 --> 00:39:51,954
That's really great.
617
00:39:51,954 --> 00:39:53,521
The sex is not.
618
00:39:53,521 --> 00:39:54,740
Well...
619
00:39:54,740 --> 00:39:57,830
It's not happening at all.
620
00:39:57,830 --> 00:39:59,571
But that, you know,
since Ethan was born,
621
00:39:59,571 --> 00:40:02,487
so, obviously.
622
00:40:02,487 --> 00:40:05,185
But, um, you know, we're good.
We're good.
623
00:40:06,708 --> 00:40:10,625
It's like we have
a common language.
624
00:40:10,625 --> 00:40:13,541
It's like meeting somebody
that speaks your language.
625
00:40:13,541 --> 00:40:15,369
I realized that
she's the first Jewish woman
626
00:40:15,369 --> 00:40:16,979
that I've dated since college.
627
00:40:17,980 --> 00:40:19,982
- Really?
-Yeah.
628
00:40:19,982 --> 00:40:24,291
Yeah, I didn't-- didn't imagine
it would be so significant,
629
00:40:24,291 --> 00:40:29,644
like, knowing the same songs
and idioms, the holidays,
630
00:40:29,644 --> 00:40:32,647
but it's nice.
It's comfortable.
631
00:40:36,869 --> 00:40:38,174
Don't you love her?
632
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:40,612
Hmm.
633
00:40:43,832 --> 00:40:46,879
Yeah. Yeah, in a certain way.
634
00:40:53,146 --> 00:40:54,887
What if she finds out about us?
635
00:40:59,935 --> 00:41:01,459
Um...
636
00:41:05,332 --> 00:41:07,508
I don't know.
637
00:41:07,508 --> 00:41:10,250
I guess I'm just--
I'm not really scared enough...
638
00:41:12,513 --> 00:41:13,775
of splitting up.
639
00:41:15,516 --> 00:41:17,518
In fact, I'm pretty sure
it'll happen eventually.
640
00:41:17,518 --> 00:41:19,433
So I don't really have
any illusions about that.
641
00:41:30,009 --> 00:41:32,359
I'll never love anybody
the way that I loved you.
642
00:41:36,711 --> 00:41:38,452
- It's a fact.
- Hmm.
643
00:41:41,063 --> 00:41:44,545
With you, breaking up
was just never on the table.
644
00:41:44,545 --> 00:41:45,938
Just never even occurred to me.
645
00:41:50,072 --> 00:41:53,206
So it's just, it's different,
entirely different kind of love.
646
00:41:55,469 --> 00:41:59,604
I remember someone said
it was like a piece of tape
647
00:41:59,604 --> 00:42:01,519
that you rip off
and try to reapply...
648
00:42:04,217 --> 00:42:06,001
that'll stick again maybe,
649
00:42:06,001 --> 00:42:08,090
but it's never going to be
like the first time.
650
00:42:12,138 --> 00:42:14,183
It's really sad,
what you're saying.
651
00:42:14,183 --> 00:42:15,968
I don't know. I don't think so.
652
00:42:15,968 --> 00:42:18,013
I think it's okay
to have different kinds of love.
653
00:42:18,013 --> 00:42:19,188
That's okay.
654
00:42:24,411 --> 00:42:26,195
- What?
655
00:42:26,761 --> 00:42:28,850
What?
656
00:42:28,850 --> 00:42:29,982
Just don't act like it's cool,
you're never gonna love again.
657
00:42:29,982 --> 00:42:31,070
It's not that s--
658
00:42:31,940 --> 00:42:33,507
I didn't say that.
659
00:42:33,507 --> 00:42:34,769
I mean I'm here with you,
aren't I?
660
00:42:34,769 --> 00:42:36,466
It's different with me.
I mean,
661
00:42:36,466 --> 00:42:38,338
- it's not the same, obviously.
-Why?
662
00:42:38,338 --> 00:42:40,732
Because we've been...
663
00:42:42,429 --> 00:42:44,300
through the worst
that could happen. I mean,
664
00:42:44,300 --> 00:42:46,651
there's nothing to be afraid of
anymore with me.
665
00:42:46,651 --> 00:42:48,740
Yeah, okay,
so maybe that's just--
666
00:42:48,740 --> 00:42:51,003
that's exactly what works
for me now.
667
00:42:51,003 --> 00:42:52,700
- For us.
- God, Jonathan.
668
00:42:52,700 --> 00:42:54,049
What? What?
669
00:42:55,660 --> 00:42:59,054
Can't you see
we're both just so fucked up?
670
00:42:59,054 --> 00:43:01,491
We've barely even started
getting over what happened to us
671
00:43:01,491 --> 00:43:03,058
- and--
- Yeah, well, it takes time.
672
00:43:03,058 --> 00:43:05,104
Yeah, but it's been four years.
673
00:43:05,104 --> 00:43:08,107
We just keep coming up with
all these solutions and like...
674
00:43:09,412 --> 00:43:11,110
Why does it take
so long to break up?
675
00:43:11,110 --> 00:43:13,373
And why does no one talk about
the fact that
676
00:43:13,373 --> 00:43:15,505
it's this fucking
endless trauma?
677
00:43:18,683 --> 00:43:20,859
Well, it...
678
00:43:20,859 --> 00:43:23,862
It is second on the list
of most stressful life events.
679
00:43:25,733 --> 00:43:26,995
Before moving.
680
00:43:32,174 --> 00:43:33,959
After death of a loved one.
681
00:43:37,527 --> 00:43:39,747
So...
682
00:43:39,747 --> 00:43:42,010
So we should have a Shiva
of our own?
683
00:43:43,403 --> 00:43:44,578
To mourn?
684
00:43:46,667 --> 00:43:47,625
Yes.
685
00:43:53,935 --> 00:43:56,242
We won't leave the house
for seven days.
686
00:43:59,593 --> 00:44:01,900
Everyone will come
and console us.
687
00:44:01,900 --> 00:44:02,901
Mm-hmm.
688
00:44:04,293 --> 00:44:07,993
And we won't eat meat
or drink wine.
689
00:44:07,993 --> 00:44:10,430
- Mm-hmm.
- Or shower.
690
00:44:11,997 --> 00:44:13,520
I can work with that.
691
00:44:14,913 --> 00:44:17,567
We won't cut our hair or shave.
692
00:44:20,875 --> 00:44:21,833
Done.
693
00:44:23,138 --> 00:44:24,487
No sex.
694
00:44:26,185 --> 00:44:28,013
What? That's forbidden too?
695
00:44:29,144 --> 00:44:30,145
Totally.
696
00:46:33,878 --> 00:46:35,270
What is it? What's wrong?
697
00:46:38,317 --> 00:46:39,535
Did you have a nightmare?
698
00:46:41,886 --> 00:46:44,149
- What was it?
- Oh, God...
699
00:46:48,893 --> 00:46:50,198
We were driving.
700
00:46:56,465 --> 00:46:57,989
Oh, fuck.
701
00:47:13,134 --> 00:47:14,744
Oh, my God.
702
00:47:17,269 --> 00:47:19,097
Oh, fuck.
703
00:47:21,012 --> 00:47:22,230
What?
704
00:47:25,494 --> 00:47:26,800
We were, um...
705
00:47:28,367 --> 00:47:32,501
We were driving to Lawrence
to see my parents
706
00:47:32,501 --> 00:47:35,940
and, um, Ava was with us.
707
00:47:38,681 --> 00:47:41,510
We were on the highway.
708
00:47:41,510 --> 00:47:44,035
There was an accident
and there was terrible traffic
709
00:47:44,035 --> 00:47:46,602
for miles and miles,
and so I...
710
00:47:46,602 --> 00:47:49,823
I said to you,
"Let's go back home on foot."
711
00:47:49,823 --> 00:47:52,739
But we had to cross
to the other lane.
712
00:47:52,739 --> 00:47:55,133
- And you and Ava crossed.
-Mm-hmm.
713
00:47:55,133 --> 00:47:57,875
But I didn't-- I couldn't--
you had to push the cars
714
00:47:57,875 --> 00:47:59,833
- to get through them.
-Mm-hmm.
715
00:47:59,833 --> 00:48:02,749
Like, you had to physically
push them away from each other.
716
00:48:02,749 --> 00:48:05,273
But it-- but it turns out
I didn't have any hands.
717
00:48:05,273 --> 00:48:08,276
I just had like stumps, like,
nothing from the elbows down.
718
00:48:08,276 --> 00:48:11,105
So like, I-- it was impossible
for me to reach you guys.
719
00:48:11,105 --> 00:48:13,325
-Oh, I'm sorry.
720
00:48:16,197 --> 00:48:17,329
Hey, come here.
721
00:48:18,591 --> 00:48:19,809
It's cold.
722
00:48:36,348 --> 00:48:37,827
Hmm.
723
00:48:41,135 --> 00:48:43,050
You want some water?
724
00:48:43,050 --> 00:48:44,573
-No.
- No?
725
00:48:48,273 --> 00:48:50,231
You know,
I could make us some coffee.
726
00:48:50,231 --> 00:48:52,103
Maybe it's time
that we get up anyway.
727
00:48:52,103 --> 00:48:54,496
No, don't go, don't go anywhere.
Just stay. Just stay.
728
00:48:54,496 --> 00:48:55,715
Okay.
729
00:48:55,715 --> 00:48:56,846
Just stay.
730
00:49:01,068 --> 00:49:03,070
Do you remember anything else?
731
00:49:03,070 --> 00:49:04,550
I'm trying to remember.
732
00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:10,599
You know, yesterday...
733
00:49:12,558 --> 00:49:15,430
- My mom has this notebook...
- Mm-hmm.
734
00:49:15,430 --> 00:49:18,129
...where she wrote down
a bunch of things
735
00:49:18,129 --> 00:49:21,436
when I was little,
like, you know,
736
00:49:21,436 --> 00:49:25,875
anecdotes and medical stuff,
and dreams.
737
00:49:25,875 --> 00:49:27,703
That's really sweet.
738
00:49:27,703 --> 00:49:28,922
Yeah, we were looking at it
together yesterday.
739
00:49:30,532 --> 00:49:33,274
And there was this one time
that she wrote about
740
00:49:33,274 --> 00:49:35,494
when I woke up
in the middle of the night,
741
00:49:35,494 --> 00:49:37,017
I was like three years old
or something, and...
742
00:49:37,017 --> 00:49:38,976
- Mm-hmm.
- ...I came into the room
743
00:49:38,976 --> 00:49:40,978
and I was just standing there
in the middle of the room
744
00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:42,588
and I said, "I can't sleep.
745
00:49:42,588 --> 00:49:44,459
All my dreams
are really boring."
746
00:49:46,896 --> 00:49:49,029
And I said to her yesterday,
I was like,
747
00:49:49,029 --> 00:49:51,684
"You got it back then, right?
You got-- you understood
748
00:49:51,684 --> 00:49:56,471
that 'boring'
actually meant scary, right?"
749
00:49:57,995 --> 00:49:59,909
And she said,
"What are you talking about?
750
00:49:59,909 --> 00:50:02,347
No, you were so cute, no,
you didn't look scared at all."
751
00:50:06,264 --> 00:50:09,267
She just was incapable of...
752
00:50:11,530 --> 00:50:12,748
She couldn't...
753
00:50:21,496 --> 00:50:23,150
Sometimes, I feel...
754
00:50:26,371 --> 00:50:28,808
like I'm not sure
if I have the ability...
755
00:50:34,074 --> 00:50:35,945
like if I've ever really...
756
00:50:38,687 --> 00:50:40,472
truly loved anyone.
757
00:50:43,997 --> 00:50:47,218
Or if I've ever
really been loved.
758
00:50:47,218 --> 00:50:48,958
Okay, now you're being dramatic.
759
00:50:52,136 --> 00:50:53,572
- Am I?
- Yes.
760
00:50:56,531 --> 00:50:57,793
I love you.
761
00:50:59,665 --> 00:51:02,059
And I always have,
in my own...
762
00:51:03,408 --> 00:51:05,497
deranged way.
763
00:51:08,717 --> 00:51:13,157
And you love me
in your own complicated way.
764
00:51:14,593 --> 00:51:16,508
And you'll always love me.
765
00:51:51,673 --> 00:51:53,545
"In the middle of the night,
766
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,245
without any fanfare,
767
00:51:59,551 --> 00:52:03,163
in a dark house
somewhere in the world."
768
00:52:06,732 --> 00:52:07,994
What's that?
769
00:52:09,300 --> 00:52:11,867
Mmm, it's from a movie.
770
00:52:13,695 --> 00:52:15,001
Hmm.
771
00:52:43,769 --> 00:52:46,641
-- Okay. Let's cut.
-- All right, we cut.
772
00:52:50,167 --> 00:52:51,472
Here you are, guys.
51235
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