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[DRONE MUSIC PLAYING]
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[BUZZING]
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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[ELECTRONIC NOISES]
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REVEREND MICKEY HOUSE:
All right, all
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right, all right, everybody!
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[CHEERING]
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REVEREND MICKEY HOUSE: What up?
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What up?
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What up?
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Thank you guys for
coming out today.
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Most of you all know me from
running the Lotus Community
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Workshop here.
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I've been doing this
since 1978.
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'78!
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And I go by the name of Reverend
Mickey House--
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in the house!
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All right, we got something
crazy special and super
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00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:04,620
exciting for you guys today.
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00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:08,920
So with great pleasure and
extreme fondness, I'd like to
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introduce to you today to
a man that needs no
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introduction, because he's
saved so many lives.
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He's touched so many lives.
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This man is a legend
amongst us, ya'll!
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I don't even know a greater
human being
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other than this guy.
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He's so large, and he's a
personal hero of mine.
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Please help me welcome my
friend and my mentor Val
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Kilmer, ya'll!
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Give it up for Val Kilmer!
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[CHEERING]
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REVEREND MICKEY HOUSE: Yeah!
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Put it up for that man Val!
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VAL KILMER: Yeah!
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Woo!
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Woo!
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Woo!
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Some of you may know me,
may know my face.
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Cable television.
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[CHEERING]
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VAL KILMER: I have many,
many awards.
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I'm a consistent award winner.
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I'm a very well-known entity.
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I'm considered by most people
to be a great man.
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[CHEERING]
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VAL KILMER: You, on the
other hand, are not.
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You need my help?
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You, and you, and you, you're
drowning in a cesspool of
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poverty and unemployment?
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You need me badly.
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You need me so badly that I feel
badly about how badly you
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really need me.
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You need me to light up the
sky for you, to be your
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beacon, to be your beacon
sparkler, to
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teach you awesome secrets--
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awesome secrets!
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Say it with me now!
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Awesome secrets!
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Awesome secrets!
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[CROWD CHANTING "AWESOME
SECRETS"]
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VAL KILMER: Awesome secrets!
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Awesome secrets!
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Awesome secrets!
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Awesome secrets, they
now come true!
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Awesome secrets, they
now come true!
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Awesome secrets, they
now come true!
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VAL KILMER: We've all been
assembled here today by a
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wonderful charity workshop, the
Lotus Community Workshop.
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It's a non-profit for inner-city
people in need or
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real hard-luck cases.
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Sit down.
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Sit down, darling.
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Sit down.
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How do you get a piece of that
pie and still maintain a
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semblance of dignity?
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You know that.
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And I know that.
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It's cool that I'm
here for you.
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FEMALE SPEAKER 1: I'm so happy
you're here for me.
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I want you so bad.
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I want your baby.
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VAL KILMER: Sexy.
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[MAKING GUNSHOT NOISES]
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VAL KILMER: Hey.
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Been waiting long?
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FEMALE SPEAKER 2: No,
Just got here.
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You want to rent a video game?
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VAL KILMER: Cool.
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I'm just going to take
a minute now.
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Total silence.
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I'm going to take a minute to
examine everyone, the facial
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structures of the audience.
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[KISSES AUDIENCE MEMBER]
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VAL KILMER: A vibe jack.
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Total silence.
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[CLOCK TICKING]
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VAL KILMER: I'm not going to
speak for maybe 15 seconds.
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Oh, yeah.
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00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:06,093
Yes, fantastic.
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00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,670
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A lot of criminals in
the audience today.
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I wasn't expecting that
much criminal vibes.
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00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:16,615
Woo, a bit mind-blowing.
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I'm not going to lie to you.
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A few of you look like you
could be on death row.
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[BUZZING NOISE]
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VAL KILMER: But do not worry.
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I'm not going to turn you in.
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You're safe with me.
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There's a new sheriff in town.
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I'm your protector now.
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When I was young, I was
also a delinquent.
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I stole things.
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I hurt people.
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I was born in a tin shack.
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Actually, I was born in
several tin shacks.
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I ran with kids who
were awful.
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[CHIMING NOISE]
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VAL KILMER: They had
pointy ears.
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They were more like demons than
actual human children.
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Scorched houses--
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00:07:44,470 --> 00:07:44,955
I was into arson.
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00:07:44,955 --> 00:07:47,410
I thought arson was cool.
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00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:51,610
One day I was coming home
from school, and I
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00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:56,140
saw an alien ship--
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[OOHS AND AHS]
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VAL KILMER: --hovering.
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It was a mothership.
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00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,010
It was obviously a mothership.
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There were so many lights
on this ship.
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00:08:05,130 --> 00:08:06,046
[CHIMING NOISE]
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00:08:06,046 --> 00:08:08,340
VAL KILMER: It made
the sky sparkle.
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00:08:08,340 --> 00:08:10,870
I'd never seen an alien
ship before.
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Oh, mama, mothership.
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00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:14,373
Oh mama, mothership.
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Oh, mama mothership alien.
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00:08:16,253 --> 00:08:18,630
Oh, mama mothership
alien ship.
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Mothership alien ship.
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00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,600
Mothership alien ship.
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Can you see it?
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00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,010
It's like an alien ship.
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Can you see it?
155
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:25,510
Look up!
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Look up!
157
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Sit down!
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Sit down!
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00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:28,250
Sit down!
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00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:29,190
Sit down!
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00:08:29,190 --> 00:08:29,846
Look up!
162
00:08:29,846 --> 00:08:32,120
Sit down and look up!
163
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It wasn't doing anything.
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Why aren't you doing anything,
mothership?
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[BEEPING NOISE]
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VAL KILMER: What's
going on here?
167
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:39,230
Am I hallucinating?
168
00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:41,080
Is this a sign from God?
169
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,056
Is it a movie set?
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00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:45,570
Somebody forgot to tell
me I'm an extra in it.
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I started asking all these deep
philosophical questions,
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poignant questions.
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And then, just like that, the
alien ship just jacked off.
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Off to away from me.
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It was like a second, and
then it was gone.
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Disappeared and left
me with no answers.
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It evaporated into the
fourth dimension.
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I realized at that very
moment that life
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doesn't have answers--
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00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:17,590
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doesn't need answers.
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Life is a mothership.
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It hovers.
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[APPLAUSE]
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[MAKING NOISES]
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FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Kill freak!
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00:09:42,610 --> 00:09:45,810
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Kill freak!
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Kill freak!
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00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:48,190
Kill freak!
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00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:48,620
Kill freak!
192
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:49,490
Kill freak!
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00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:50,470
Kill freak!
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Kill freak!
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00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:53,310
[BIRD NOISE]
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VAL KILMER: There was
kids on TV that
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00:09:54,425 --> 00:09:55,460
were starving in Africa.
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00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:55,870
[ELEPHANT NOISE]
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00:09:55,870 --> 00:09:56,710
CROWD: Aww!
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00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:57,670
VAL KILMER: I didn't know
what to do, but the
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00:09:57,670 --> 00:09:59,050
mothership was with me.
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00:09:59,050 --> 00:09:59,750
[HARP NOISE]
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00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:02,190
VAL KILMER: I felt speechless,
horrible.
204
00:10:02,190 --> 00:10:04,170
So I decided to write a song.
205
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,610
Those kids, bum, bum, bum.
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00:10:05,610 --> 00:10:07,220
Those kids, bum, bum, bum.
207
00:10:07,220 --> 00:10:10,890
They die from diarrhea.
208
00:10:10,890 --> 00:10:12,630
Those kids, bum, bum, bum.
209
00:10:12,630 --> 00:10:14,790
Those kids, they die.
210
00:10:14,790 --> 00:10:16,690
Ba-bum, ba-bum.
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00:10:16,690 --> 00:10:19,272
From diarrhea.
212
00:10:19,272 --> 00:10:26,830
I sit at home and wonder
why they die from di--
213
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,780
bum, bum, bum--
214
00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:29,430
di--
215
00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:30,380
bum, bum, bum--
216
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:31,630
arrhea.
217
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,380
218
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:36,730
I entered that song in a
contest, and I ended up
219
00:10:36,730 --> 00:10:38,614
winning money for it.
220
00:10:38,614 --> 00:10:40,105
[APPLAUSE]
221
00:10:40,105 --> 00:10:42,423
VAL KILMER: I turned that money
into gold bars, and I
222
00:10:42,423 --> 00:10:44,578
donated that money to Africa!
223
00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:47,808
And then I realized that I could
make a difference, which
224
00:10:47,808 --> 00:10:50,045
is why I made a DVD.
225
00:10:50,045 --> 00:10:52,530
You are so lucky for that.
226
00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:53,806
Come on in here for
the real thing.
227
00:10:53,806 --> 00:10:55,294
Woo!
228
00:10:55,294 --> 00:10:56,286
Woo!
229
00:10:56,286 --> 00:10:57,774
Trust me, trust me!
230
00:10:57,774 --> 00:10:59,758
MALE SPEAKER 1: I feel
I can trust you, Val!
231
00:10:59,758 --> 00:11:01,246
We trust you!
232
00:11:01,246 --> 00:11:09,182
233
00:11:09,182 --> 00:11:11,662
FEMALE SPEAKER 2:
You seen this?
234
00:11:11,662 --> 00:11:13,450
VAL KILMER: No.
235
00:11:13,450 --> 00:11:14,700
FEMALE SPEAKER 2:
Looks shitty.
236
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:19,270
237
00:11:19,270 --> 00:11:20,520
I've seen all these.
238
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,630
239
00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:26,254
VAL KILMER: Have you seen
this one, Reach?
240
00:11:26,254 --> 00:11:28,450
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Yeah.
241
00:11:28,450 --> 00:11:29,700
It was awful.
242
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:32,650
243
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:33,900
Pick something funny.
244
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:42,546
245
00:11:42,546 --> 00:11:45,242
VAL KILMER: How many
of you like gold?
246
00:11:45,242 --> 00:11:46,685
Yeah!
247
00:11:46,685 --> 00:11:48,128
Woo!
248
00:11:48,128 --> 00:11:49,580
Invest in gold bars.
249
00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:51,860
Invest in gold.
250
00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:55,120
Get as many gold bars as you
can, and then bury them under
251
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,970
your bathtub.
252
00:11:56,970 --> 00:11:58,710
As I'm saying this, forget
I'm saying it.
253
00:11:58,710 --> 00:11:59,770
But then, do it.
254
00:11:59,770 --> 00:12:01,680
Build a hidden safe-like
255
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,660
contraption under your bathtub.
256
00:12:03,660 --> 00:12:05,920
Fill it up with gold bars.
257
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:07,780
Don't tell anyone.
258
00:12:07,780 --> 00:12:09,830
Don't tell anyone your secret
code or your password.
259
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,570
You lock it up.
260
00:12:11,570 --> 00:12:14,130
When you take a bath at night,
you'll be sitting on a
261
00:12:14,130 --> 00:12:16,420
financial safety net.
262
00:12:16,420 --> 00:12:18,540
I'm talking to you robotic
so that it goes
263
00:12:18,540 --> 00:12:20,450
into your mind digital.
264
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:22,380
01010--
265
00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:23,811
I don't know.
266
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,494
You'll be sitting
on a gold mine.
267
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:28,458
[CHEERING]
268
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:29,708
VAL KILMER: Woo!
269
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:34,880
270
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,350
Yeah, cotton candy!
271
00:12:38,350 --> 00:12:40,835
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Man, I don't
even feel like watching a
272
00:12:40,835 --> 00:12:42,270
movie anymore.
273
00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:45,210
Let's get a game.
274
00:12:45,210 --> 00:12:48,460
You ever play Kill Freak?
275
00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:51,060
I don't even know if this
place would have it.
276
00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:52,716
You got Slaughter Haven?
277
00:12:52,716 --> 00:12:53,562
MALE SPEAKER 2: Mm-hm.
278
00:12:53,562 --> 00:12:54,710
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: What
about Kill Freak 2?
279
00:12:54,710 --> 00:12:55,952
MALE SPEAKER 2: Oh, yeah.
280
00:12:55,952 --> 00:12:56,780
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Is it good?
281
00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:58,030
MALE SPEAKER 2: Oh,
it's great.
282
00:12:58,030 --> 00:13:02,880
283
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,130
FEMALE SPEAKER 2:
Shit looks good.
284
00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:07,985
285
00:13:07,985 --> 00:13:09,850
VAL KILMER: I want you to
be healthy and strong.
286
00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:12,800
I want you to be a century
old before you feel
287
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,240
ankle pain or wrinkle.
288
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,330
You need to last a long time.
289
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:18,270
You need to lasso the moon!
290
00:13:18,270 --> 00:13:19,725
You need to be made
in America.
291
00:13:19,725 --> 00:13:22,150
If you're not made in America,
get out, get out, get out!
292
00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:23,120
But you are made in America.
293
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,030
If you're all made in America,
you'll make it in America!
294
00:13:26,030 --> 00:13:28,940
Make it in America!
295
00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:32,025
Some of you ride horses.
296
00:13:32,025 --> 00:13:33,520
Some of you ride horses.
297
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,770
Stop riding horses.
298
00:13:35,770 --> 00:13:36,670
CROWD: What?
299
00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:38,130
VAL KILMER: It's time
to find a job.
300
00:13:38,130 --> 00:13:39,020
Let's all say that.
301
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:42,312
It's time to find a job!
302
00:13:42,312 --> 00:13:45,430
That's right.
303
00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:48,230
Did you recognize me?
304
00:13:48,230 --> 00:13:52,420
Yeah, from movies,
probably, huh?
305
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:55,590
Yeah, I've done that.
306
00:13:55,590 --> 00:14:00,040
But now I'm doing a whole kind
of a new thing, just reaching
307
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,340
out to people and just
talking to them.
308
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,040
A lot of times, the biggest
things in life
309
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,400
are unexpected, right?
310
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,850
Just seem to be random.
311
00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:14,650
And just like talking to you two
tonight, like, we had that
312
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:15,840
experience.
313
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,580
It just like nothing
else in the world.
314
00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:20,700
It's like the most important
thing, suddenly.
315
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:22,180
So I'm really happy
about that.
316
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:25,430
And that's something the Lotus
Community Center has given me.
317
00:14:25,430 --> 00:14:26,680
It's like a real gift.
318
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,090
319
00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:34,360
Oh yeah, there was something
that happened that I could
320
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:35,850
share with you.
321
00:14:35,850 --> 00:14:38,930
It's really about the
fourth dimension.
322
00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:45,010
When I close my eyes, I can
see a kind of world like
323
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,770
cotton candy, almost.
324
00:14:47,770 --> 00:14:51,020
It's just light and fluffy.
325
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:56,500
And there's no more past, no
more future, no more convicts,
326
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,795
no more out of work,
no more bad times.
327
00:14:58,795 --> 00:15:01,490
328
00:15:01,490 --> 00:15:06,576
And I see it like a unity where
laughter heals, and
329
00:15:06,576 --> 00:15:09,720
we're all a real family.
330
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:14,310
Not a fake family, not
a fake religion
331
00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:17,436
family, but a real family.
332
00:15:17,436 --> 00:15:19,030
And it's cotton candy-like.
333
00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:22,190
334
00:15:22,190 --> 00:15:24,466
I see that cotton candy
all over the world.
335
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:30,862
336
00:15:30,862 --> 00:15:33,814
MALE SPEAKER 3: That's cool.
337
00:15:33,814 --> 00:15:35,064
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Let's
get out of here.
338
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:38,750
339
00:15:38,750 --> 00:15:38,980
VAL KILMER: Adios.
340
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,230
MALE SPEAKER 3: Adios.
341
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:43,471
342
00:15:43,471 --> 00:15:45,470
VAL KILMER: I went
to a bad school.
343
00:15:45,470 --> 00:15:48,116
I went to a bad school.
344
00:15:48,116 --> 00:15:49,520
There were no books.
345
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,780
Everyone got straight F's.
346
00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:56,920
Everyone got straight F's.
347
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:58,610
Everyone got straight F's.
348
00:15:58,610 --> 00:16:01,610
349
00:16:01,610 --> 00:16:04,265
Everyone got straight F's.
350
00:16:04,265 --> 00:16:05,640
Everyone got straight F's.
351
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,210
[CHANTING]
352
00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:12,560
VAL KILMER: The cafeteria food
was basically poison.
353
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:17,190
Some of these teachers had metal
plates in their heads.
354
00:16:17,190 --> 00:16:19,550
And one teacher coughed
up a lung.
355
00:16:19,550 --> 00:16:20,680
But I realized I could
change the world.
356
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,730
And if I could, I would.
357
00:16:22,730 --> 00:16:25,060
And I would make everything
the opposite of my school
358
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:26,630
experience, and I have.
359
00:16:26,630 --> 00:16:30,310
[CHEERING]
360
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:57,198
[PLAYING THE RECORDER]
361
00:16:57,198 --> 00:16:59,060
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Wow,
that is beautiful.
362
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,310
VAL KILMER: You're beautiful.
363
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:04,240
364
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:04,890
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: You're
getting so
365
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,140
much better at that.
366
00:17:06,140 --> 00:17:10,200
367
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,910
Sounds so nice.
368
00:17:11,910 --> 00:17:14,240
VAL KILMER: Thank you.
369
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,674
And you're perfect like
the fireflies.
370
00:17:17,674 --> 00:17:20,172
Did you see one tonight?
371
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,410
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: No.
372
00:17:21,410 --> 00:17:22,660
VAL KILMER: Oh, it
was so great.
373
00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:25,479
374
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:26,729
Light up the world.
375
00:17:26,729 --> 00:17:34,695
376
00:17:34,695 --> 00:17:35,945
[MAKING GUNSHOT NOISE]
377
00:17:35,945 --> 00:17:39,186
378
00:17:39,186 --> 00:17:41,182
VAL KILMER: How many of you
have won the lottery?
379
00:17:41,182 --> 00:17:44,890
No one, because lottery
is code for moron.
380
00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:45,368
CROWD: [SHOUTING]
381
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:46,802
Moron!
382
00:17:46,802 --> 00:17:48,682
VAL KILMER: If you are a person
that's addicted to the
383
00:17:48,682 --> 00:17:52,440
lottery, then I want you to cut
off one of your fingers
384
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:53,060
with a steak knife.
385
00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:54,510
I want you to put it
in a glass jar.
386
00:17:54,510 --> 00:17:56,320
I want you to put in a glass jar
and put it in your child's
387
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,150
bed at night next
to their head.
388
00:17:58,150 --> 00:17:59,320
[SOUND OF BABY CRYING]
389
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,440
VAL KILMER: And when your kid
asks, why am I sleeping under
390
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,260
a severed finger?
391
00:18:03,260 --> 00:18:07,974
You should say, it's a reminder
of my great idiocy.
392
00:18:07,974 --> 00:18:11,820
The lottery is a scam.
393
00:18:11,820 --> 00:18:14,270
[CHEERING]
394
00:18:14,270 --> 00:18:16,230
VAL KILMER: How many of you
hate job interviews?
395
00:18:16,230 --> 00:18:18,190
How many of you hate
job interviews?
396
00:18:18,190 --> 00:18:20,640
Yeah, job interviews suck.
397
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,090
Stare at the person next to
you in a job interviewer.
398
00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:24,070
Stare at him!
399
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:25,540
Stare at him!
400
00:18:25,540 --> 00:18:29,950
When you go to a job interview,
wear loose pants.
401
00:18:29,950 --> 00:18:31,633
Wear loose pants.
402
00:18:31,633 --> 00:18:34,470
Do not wear velvet when you
go to a job interview.
403
00:18:34,470 --> 00:18:35,662
Velvet killed Elvis.
404
00:18:35,662 --> 00:18:36,482
CROWD: Velvet killed him!
405
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:38,210
VAL KILMER: Velvet
killed Elvis.
406
00:18:38,210 --> 00:18:42,030
How many of you like safe sex?
407
00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:49,540
Safe sex can also be unusual
and glamorous and perfect.
408
00:18:49,540 --> 00:18:51,258
But velvet killed Elvis.
409
00:18:51,258 --> 00:18:52,508
Velvet killed Elvis.
410
00:18:52,508 --> 00:18:59,226
411
00:18:59,226 --> 00:19:00,476
[YELPS]
412
00:19:00,476 --> 00:19:05,720
413
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:06,970
VAL KILMER: Sometimes it's
all so beautiful.
414
00:19:06,970 --> 00:19:09,130
415
00:19:09,130 --> 00:19:12,870
I don't know what to
do with myself.
416
00:19:12,870 --> 00:19:14,560
You know what I mean?
417
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,350
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Yeah, Val,
I know what you mean.
418
00:19:16,350 --> 00:19:19,290
419
00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:21,250
VAL KILMER: Who loves
hardcore?
420
00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:24,802
Suck it up, drain it down,
squeeze it out, push it until
421
00:19:24,802 --> 00:19:25,170
it floats out.
422
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:26,640
Love is hardcore.
423
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,110
Love is hardcore.
424
00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:30,070
Love is hardcore.
425
00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:31,050
Love is hardcore.
426
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,030
CROWD CHANTING "LOVE
IS HARD CORE"]
427
00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:34,480
VAL KILMER: I'm a drill sergeant
to your heart.
428
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,950
I'm a drill sergeant
to your heart.
429
00:19:36,950 --> 00:19:40,523
The oil is gold, and
it's cotton candy.
430
00:19:40,523 --> 00:19:42,888
[CROWD CHANTING "COTTON
CANDY"]
431
00:19:42,888 --> 00:19:43,834
VAL KILMER: I have children.
432
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:46,200
Do you have children?
433
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,920
I had my first child born
in the hospital.
434
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,340
I had a great doctor.
435
00:19:51,340 --> 00:19:54,460
He was from Syria.
436
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:55,155
He'd been an army general.
437
00:19:55,155 --> 00:19:55,920
[MACHINE GUN NOISE]
438
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,520
VAL KILMER: When he was
delivering the baby, he looked
439
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,302
at, and he winked.
440
00:19:59,302 --> 00:20:04,195
He whispered in my ear,
this is easy as pie.
441
00:20:04,195 --> 00:20:08,650
Just have to deliver a baby
with the right tools.
442
00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:11,890
When I had my second child with
my ex-wife, I bought a
443
00:20:11,890 --> 00:20:12,390
swimming pool.
444
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:14,650
I was determined to have
the baby myself,
445
00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:15,920
born in my back yard.
446
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,550
When the baby shot out, I
realized I needed to cut the
447
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:20,500
umbilical cord.
448
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:21,740
I looked around.
449
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:24,840
I noticed I didn't have anything
to cut it with.
450
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:26,580
That's when my wife screamed
to me, "get the hedge
451
00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:31,050
clippers, the garden shears we
used to go cut flowers with.
452
00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:35,300
I cut the umbilical cord,
and it worked perfectly.
453
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:38,200
That's when I remembered that
the doctor told me anyone can
454
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:42,040
deliver a baby if you've
got the right tools.
455
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,280
Now, we're are all babies.
456
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,375
We're not convicts
and outcasts.
457
00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:48,720
We're newborns.
458
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,370
We're babies.
459
00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:54,895
It's time for you to find
the right tools.
460
00:20:54,895 --> 00:20:56,170
You fly away now.
461
00:20:56,170 --> 00:20:57,955
You scrape off the afterbirth
and kick it
462
00:20:57,955 --> 00:20:58,945
into the fourth dimension!
463
00:20:58,945 --> 00:21:03,895
[CHEERING]
464
00:21:03,895 --> 00:21:07,855
465
00:21:07,855 --> 00:21:23,200
[WATER SPLASHING NOISES]
466
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,170
467
00:21:26,170 --> 00:21:28,160
VAL KILMER: What is the fourth
dimension, you ask?
468
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:32,030
It is simply Heaven on Earth.
469
00:21:32,030 --> 00:21:38,010
470
00:21:38,010 --> 00:21:40,570
It is security.
471
00:21:40,570 --> 00:21:44,580
It is the land of the
more worries.
472
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:47,670
It is enlightenment.
473
00:21:47,670 --> 00:21:51,180
It's the beautiful
balance of light.
474
00:21:51,180 --> 00:21:54,900
It comes in circles and waves.
475
00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:56,150
Smells like chocolate.
476
00:21:56,150 --> 00:21:59,230
477
00:21:59,230 --> 00:22:03,050
It floats through machine gun
fire and volcanic ash.
478
00:22:03,050 --> 00:22:05,970
It's invincible and
utterly whole.
479
00:22:05,970 --> 00:22:08,900
[MACHINE GUN NOISE]
480
00:22:08,900 --> 00:22:12,370
VAL KILMER: If you listen to
what I say, then you will have
481
00:22:12,370 --> 00:22:14,296
each entered the fourth
dimension.
482
00:22:14,296 --> 00:22:18,170
483
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,420
You'll know the great secrets.
484
00:22:19,420 --> 00:22:24,175
485
00:22:24,175 --> 00:22:25,425
[CROWD CHANTING "AWESOME
SECRETS"]
486
00:22:25,425 --> 00:22:28,135
487
00:22:28,135 --> 00:22:40,944
[MACHINE GUN FIRE]
488
00:22:40,944 --> 00:22:41,892
[GIRL LAUGHS]
489
00:22:41,892 --> 00:22:44,145
VAL KILMER: Breathe it in.
490
00:22:44,145 --> 00:22:48,120
Everybody got their
eyes closed.
491
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,000
Here we go.
492
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,140
Let's get into the
fourth dimension.
493
00:22:53,140 --> 00:22:56,360
It's light and fluffy.
494
00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:57,710
Breathe it in now.
495
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:02,150
You're no longer unemployed,
you kings and queens of the
496
00:23:02,150 --> 00:23:04,360
fourth dimension.
497
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,370
I depend on you.
498
00:23:06,370 --> 00:23:08,300
You depend on me.
499
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:12,870
The next generation of thinkers
and innovators, great
500
00:23:12,870 --> 00:23:16,420
minds of the hidden generations,
the do-gooders,
501
00:23:16,420 --> 00:23:21,180
pleasure providers, the Hell
destroyers who are going to
502
00:23:21,180 --> 00:23:25,100
find cures for every
awful disease.
503
00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:29,350
You're going to reveal
perfection on Earth.
504
00:23:29,350 --> 00:23:31,830
Breathe it in.
505
00:23:31,830 --> 00:23:33,080
Smell the healing.
506
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,845
507
00:23:35,845 --> 00:23:38,803
Nice.
508
00:23:38,803 --> 00:23:42,270
Cotton candy.
509
00:23:42,270 --> 00:23:44,097
Cotton candy all
over the world.
510
00:23:44,097 --> 00:23:47,680
511
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:53,926
Now go out and get
stuck in it.
512
00:23:53,926 --> 00:24:07,318
[CROWD CHANTS "COTTON CANDY"]
513
00:24:07,318 --> 00:24:13,766
[VIDEO GAME GUNFIRE]
514
00:24:13,766 --> 00:24:14,758
[LAUGHTER]
515
00:24:14,758 --> 00:24:16,008
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Chill out.
516
00:24:16,008 --> 00:24:19,230
517
00:24:19,230 --> 00:24:21,504
VAL KILMER: Don't worry, I'm
sure you'll survive.
518
00:24:21,504 --> 00:24:25,964
[LAUGHTER]
519
00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:26,928
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Shoot.
520
00:24:26,928 --> 00:24:36,100
[VIDEO GAME GUNFIRE]
521
00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:37,921
FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Damn,
you're good.
522
00:24:37,921 --> 00:24:47,741
[LAUGHTER]
523
00:24:47,741 --> 00:24:49,214
[CROWD CHANTING]
524
00:24:49,214 --> 00:24:50,687
VAL KILMER: You!
525
00:24:50,687 --> 00:24:56,579
You, you, you, you, you,
you, you, you, you!
526
00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:59,034
Question.
527
00:24:59,034 --> 00:25:01,980
MALE SPEAKER 4: How can I
be more like you, Val?
528
00:25:01,980 --> 00:25:05,100
How can I be more
like you, Val?
529
00:25:05,100 --> 00:25:09,520
VAL KILMER: There are no
impossibilities, but I can't
530
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,720
help you with that.
531
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:13,710
Let's dance.
532
00:25:13,710 --> 00:25:14,700
Let's dance.
533
00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:17,175
Let's dance.
534
00:25:17,175 --> 00:25:19,650
Oh, now we're the same person.
535
00:25:19,650 --> 00:25:21,135
We're the same person.
536
00:25:21,135 --> 00:25:21,630
MALE SPEAKER 4: Yes, yes!
537
00:25:21,630 --> 00:25:22,620
Thank you, Val!
538
00:25:22,620 --> 00:25:24,105
Thank you.
539
00:25:24,105 --> 00:25:25,590
VAL KILMER: Yes.
540
00:25:25,590 --> 00:25:27,816
MALE SPEAKER 5: My wife and my
two kids and I don't have a
541
00:25:27,816 --> 00:25:28,020
place to stay.
542
00:25:28,020 --> 00:25:28,750
I live in my van.
543
00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:30,030
VAL KILMER: You live in a van?
544
00:25:30,030 --> 00:25:30,250
MALE SPEAKER 5: Yeah.
545
00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:32,334
VAL KILMER: But at least
you've got a van.
546
00:25:32,334 --> 00:25:32,821
Woo!
547
00:25:32,821 --> 00:25:34,278
[CROWD CHEERING]
548
00:25:34,278 --> 00:25:36,698
VAL KILMER: I don't
have a van.
549
00:25:36,698 --> 00:25:38,634
I don't have a van.
550
00:25:38,634 --> 00:25:40,086
I've got a bicycle.
551
00:25:40,086 --> 00:25:43,000
I don't have a van.
552
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,439
I don't have a van.
553
00:25:45,439 --> 00:25:46,798
Has it got tires?
554
00:25:46,798 --> 00:25:47,251
[BABY CRYING]
555
00:25:47,251 --> 00:25:47,710
MALE SPEAKER 5: Yes.
556
00:25:47,710 --> 00:25:50,584
VAL KILMER: You're blessed.
557
00:25:50,584 --> 00:25:53,039
MALE SPEAKER 5: How do I
find a girlfriend, Val?
558
00:25:53,039 --> 00:25:54,512
VAL KILMER: Are you
kidding me?
559
00:25:54,512 --> 00:25:55,760
MALE SPEAKER 5: I can't
find a girlfriend.
560
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,130
VAL KILMER: You stand outside.
561
00:25:58,130 --> 00:25:59,560
[COW NOISE]
562
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:00,340
VAL KILMER: You'll find one.
563
00:26:00,340 --> 00:26:02,830
Not now.
564
00:26:02,830 --> 00:26:05,320
Not now, madcap.
565
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,308
Woo, thank you very much!
566
00:26:08,308 --> 00:26:09,304
You're beautiful!
567
00:26:09,304 --> 00:26:11,794
[CROWD CHEERING]
568
00:26:11,794 --> 00:26:13,288
VAL KILMER: Woo!
569
00:26:13,288 --> 00:26:15,280
Woo!
570
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:15,778
Woo!
571
00:26:15,778 --> 00:26:46,156
[CROWD CHEERING]
572
00:26:46,156 --> 00:26:47,406
[CROWD CHANTING "COTTON
CANDY"]
573
00:26:47,406 --> 00:27:14,542
574
00:27:14,542 --> 00:27:17,630
575
00:27:17,630 --> 00:27:22,050
VAL KILMER: Welcome to the
Lotus Community Center.
576
00:27:22,050 --> 00:27:25,860
Welcome to the Lotus
Community Center.
577
00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:27,930
Welcome to the Lotus
Community Center.
578
00:27:27,930 --> 00:27:31,380
579
00:27:31,380 --> 00:27:34,000
Welcome to Lotus Community
Center.
580
00:27:34,000 --> 00:28:47,275
[TECHNO SONG PLAYING]
581
00:28:47,275 --> 00:29:32,684
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
582
00:29:32,684 --> 00:29:39,670
583
00:29:39,670 --> 00:29:40,920
[OLD RUSSIAN PIANO
MUSIC PLAYING]
584
00:29:40,920 --> 00:30:27,350
585
00:30:27,350 --> 00:30:32,310
586
00:30:32,310 --> 00:30:33,560
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN]
587
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:39,713
588
00:30:39,713 --> 00:30:49,156
589
00:30:49,156 --> 00:31:15,892
590
00:31:15,892 --> 00:31:38,988
591
00:31:38,988 --> 00:31:42,390
592
00:31:42,390 --> 00:33:19,111
593
00:33:19,111 --> 00:33:20,361
[SINGING IN RUSSIAN]
594
00:33:20,361 --> 00:34:58,134
595
00:34:58,134 --> 00:35:00,135
[RUSSIAN ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
596
00:35:00,135 --> 00:40:20,990
597
00:40:20,990 --> 00:40:29,990
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]
598
00:40:29,990 --> 00:40:49,656
[THUMPING]
599
00:40:49,656 --> 00:41:03,102
600
00:41:03,102 --> 00:41:12,066
[THUMPING BEGINS]
601
00:41:12,066 --> 00:41:32,982
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
602
00:41:32,982 --> 00:41:35,472
[THUMPING]
603
00:41:35,472 --> 00:41:36,722
[THUMPING STOPS]
604
00:41:36,722 --> 00:42:05,953
605
00:42:05,953 --> 00:42:36,891
[SPACE MUSIC PLAYING]
606
00:42:36,891 --> 00:43:00,344
[OUT OF TUNE PIANO PLAYING]
607
00:43:00,344 --> 00:43:16,834
608
00:43:16,834 --> 00:45:47,280
[OUT OF TUNE PIANO PLAYING]
609
00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:58,965
[THUMPING BEGINS]
610
00:45:58,965 --> 00:46:23,220
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]
611
00:46:23,220 --> 00:47:03,279
612
00:47:03,279 --> 00:47:04,529
[DOOR BUZZING]
613
00:47:04,529 --> 00:50:19,855
614
00:50:19,855 --> 00:50:25,322
[COMPUTER BOOTING]
615
00:50:25,322 --> 00:50:35,759
[OUT OF TUNE PIANO PLAYING]
616
00:50:35,759 --> 00:50:43,711
[THUMPING]
617
00:50:43,711 --> 00:50:55,480
618
00:50:55,480 --> 00:51:29,820
[MUSIC PLAYING]
619
00:51:29,820 --> 00:51:40,820
620
00:51:40,820 --> 00:52:00,820
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
621
00:52:00,820 --> 00:54:41,948
622
00:54:41,948 --> 00:54:47,560
[OUT OF TUNE PIANO PLAYING]
623
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:48,810
[RUSSIAN SINGING]
624
00:54:48,810 --> 00:57:19,660
625
00:57:19,660 --> 00:57:20,910
[PIANO MUSIC]
626
00:57:20,910 --> 00:59:26,276
627
00:59:26,276 --> 00:59:40,080
[OUT OF TUNE PIANO PLAYING]
628
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:46,980
629
00:59:46,980 --> 00:59:48,230
[PIANO PLAYING]
630
00:59:48,230 --> 00:59:54,845
631
00:59:54,845 --> 00:59:56,294
[BEEPING]
632
00:59:56,294 --> 01:01:39,010
633
01:01:39,010 --> 01:02:10,258
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
634
01:02:10,258 --> 01:03:12,329
635
01:03:12,329 --> 01:03:13,579
[KNOCKING]
636
01:03:13,579 --> 01:03:21,960
637
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:23,210
[PLAYING THE OUT
OF TUNE PIANO]
638
01:03:23,210 --> 01:03:37,990
639
01:03:37,990 --> 01:03:47,870
640
01:03:47,870 --> 01:03:52,810
[KNOCKING]
641
01:03:52,810 --> 01:03:54,060
[KNOCKING]
642
01:03:54,060 --> 01:04:02,450
643
01:04:02,450 --> 01:04:03,700
[KNOCKING]
644
01:04:03,700 --> 01:04:06,941
645
01:04:06,941 --> 01:04:09,436
[BEEPING]
646
01:04:09,436 --> 01:04:15,923
647
01:04:15,923 --> 01:05:52,524
[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]
648
01:05:52,524 --> 01:06:00,888
649
01:06:00,888 --> 01:06:47,372
[SYNTH MUSIC]
650
01:06:47,372 --> 01:07:00,170
[RUNNING WATER]
651
01:07:00,170 --> 01:07:03,972
652
01:07:03,972 --> 01:07:56,548
[SIREN]
653
01:07:56,548 --> 01:08:22,837
654
01:08:22,837 --> 01:08:24,328
[DOOR CREAKING]
655
01:08:24,328 --> 01:08:52,270
656
01:08:52,270 --> 01:08:53,520
[SPEAKING POLISH]
657
01:08:53,520 --> 01:08:56,984
658
01:08:56,984 --> 01:09:02,888
[HELICOPTER]
659
01:09:02,888 --> 01:09:10,950
660
01:09:10,950 --> 01:09:45,042
[INDIAN WHOOPING]
661
01:09:45,042 --> 01:09:59,982
[SIREN]
662
01:09:59,982 --> 01:10:01,232
[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING]
663
01:10:01,232 --> 01:11:08,178
664
01:11:08,178 --> 01:11:14,294
[TECHNO MUSIC]
665
01:11:14,294 --> 01:11:36,434
666
01:11:36,434 --> 01:11:37,684
[RADIO SPEECH]
667
01:11:37,684 --> 01:12:13,128
668
01:12:13,128 --> 01:12:19,092
[BELL RINGING]
669
01:12:19,092 --> 01:12:27,541
670
01:12:27,541 --> 01:12:30,026
[CRASHING]
671
01:12:30,026 --> 01:13:22,056
672
01:13:22,056 --> 01:13:39,984
[TV CHANNELS CHANGING]
673
01:13:39,984 --> 01:16:57,476
674
01:16:57,476 --> 01:16:58,967
[SPEAKERS SCREECHING,
THEN SINGING]
675
01:16:58,967 --> 01:17:44,735
676
01:17:44,735 --> 01:17:49,876
[SIREN]
677
01:17:49,876 --> 01:18:01,552
[HOWLING]
678
01:18:01,552 --> 01:18:53,240
679
01:18:53,240 --> 01:19:12,623
[SIREN]
680
01:19:12,623 --> 01:19:13,873
[KNOCKING]
681
01:19:13,873 --> 01:20:03,015
682
01:20:03,015 --> 01:20:08,530
[DROPPING BOOKS]
683
01:20:08,530 --> 01:20:49,534
684
01:20:49,534 --> 01:20:58,630
[XYLOPHONE PLAYING]
685
01:20:58,630 --> 01:21:36,544
[SINGING]
686
01:21:36,544 --> 01:22:04,432
[SIREN]
687
01:22:04,432 --> 01:22:33,814
[VIDEO GAME MUSIC]
688
01:22:33,814 --> 01:22:38,794
689
01:22:38,794 --> 01:22:42,778
[VIDEO GAME MUSIC]
690
01:22:42,778 --> 01:22:44,160
[PIANO PLAYING]
691
01:22:44,160 --> 01:24:23,998
692
01:24:23,998 --> 01:25:03,838
693
01:25:03,838 --> 01:25:13,300
[SIREN]
694
01:25:13,300 --> 01:25:39,694
[RUNNING WATER]
695
01:25:39,694 --> 01:25:54,136
696
01:25:54,136 --> 01:26:36,128
[DOG BARKING]
697
01:26:36,128 --> 01:26:37,378
[GUNSHOT]
698
01:26:37,378 --> 01:26:44,560
699
01:26:44,560 --> 01:26:58,885
[DOG BARKING]
700
01:26:58,885 --> 01:27:06,310
[RUNNING WATER]
701
01:27:06,310 --> 01:30:42,519
702
01:30:42,519 --> 01:30:59,984
[HELICOPTER NOISE]
703
01:30:59,984 --> 01:31:19,944
704
01:31:19,944 --> 01:31:22,938
[RADIO BUZZING]
705
01:31:22,938 --> 01:31:53,876
706
01:31:53,876 --> 01:32:14,834
[CLASSICAL MUSIC]
707
01:32:14,834 --> 01:33:02,440
[SIREN]
708
01:33:02,440 --> 01:33:06,496
709
01:33:06,496 --> 01:33:25,600
[SIRENS GET LOUDER]
710
01:33:25,600 --> 01:33:28,582
711
01:33:28,582 --> 01:33:39,516
[SIRENS CONTINUE]
712
01:33:39,516 --> 01:33:58,579
713
01:33:58,579 --> 01:35:39,260
[GUNSHOT]
714
01:35:39,260 --> 01:35:46,730
[SIREN]
715
01:35:46,730 --> 01:35:57,188
716
01:35:57,188 --> 01:36:00,176
[SIRENS CONTINUE]
717
01:36:00,176 --> 01:36:06,152
[HELICOPTER SOUNDS]
718
01:36:06,152 --> 01:37:52,638
719
01:37:52,638 --> 01:38:43,932
[SIRENS CONTINUE]
720
01:38:43,932 --> 01:39:34,728
721
01:39:34,728 --> 01:40:06,160
[MUSIC PLAYING]
722
01:40:06,160 --> 01:40:08,830
VAL KILMER: Velvet
killed Elvis.
723
01:40:08,830 --> 01:40:11,680
But mentally, raise your
hand if you're a fatty.
724
01:40:11,680 --> 01:40:13,079
I'll take a vibe jack.
725
01:40:13,079 --> 01:44:43,290
[MUSIC PLAYING]
726
01:44:43,290 --> 01:48:14,445
42031
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