Original subtitles

Niles and Brighton...

This is Maggie's.

Oh.

Hoo-ha, Mr. Sheffield!

Guess again.

Well, that's way more than I needed to know about him.

Oh, hi, kids.

How you doing on your science project?

Ask Brooke. She's the genius.

I'm just the dumb blond.

Oh...

Me and Val used to do science projects together.

What's yours about?

Stress in the earth's igneous layers

and its effects on geological topography.

Oh. We grew potatoes on toothpicks.

Did you know that if you squeeze coal really hard

Why aren't you under a blanket with a flashlight

readingNational Geographic like a normal kid?

Oh, Maxwell, please, I'm begging you.

It'll only take a couple of minutes.

You don't even have to like it.

There's a speech she knows by heart.

C.C., you know my policy.

I never read plays written by friends...

or relatives,

or that Broadway bon vivant,

your psychiatrist.

But I told him you would read it,

and I don't want to risk offending him.

We're on the verge of a breakthrough.

Oh, good. Maybe he'll find a personality we like.

I'm terribly sorry, C.C.,

but I simply don't do business favors

What?

Look, I know you didn't want to do it with me

in high school, but I-I was hoping that you'd changed your mind.

I-- I doubt it.

Oh, what the hell.

Why don't we do it right here on the floor?

Check, please!

Come on, Fran. Do the hustle!

[INSTRUMENTAL VERSION OF "I WILL SURVIVE" PLAYING]

What? Come on, please. Dance with me.

Oh, Jeffrey.

I don't think I remember the hustle anymore.

[BOTH CLAP]

[CLAP]

I know somebody.

I work for Maxwell Sheffield, the big Broadway producer.

I thought you worked for a bus driver.

Uh, bus driver and Broadway producer.

Well, he wasn't gonna give up that pension.

I don't mean to be negative here,

but I don't think this spud

is gonna get us an A.

I don't need an A. I always get an A.

I want to see what a D feels like.

Oh, you're mad about the dance.

And they say I'm the genius.

Look, Brooke, we've been friends for a long time now.

Why do things have to change?

I'm a woman now. I have needs.

Yeah, well, I have needs too.

I need an A in science. Oh.

MAXWELL: Oh, hello, Brooke.

Then she said, "I'm sorry,"

and...

[MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY]

Wait. I'm not through yet. Miss--

Miss Fine, there is some urgency here.

[MUMBLING]

Okay.

Come on. Is he through yet?

I'm freezing out here.

Well, you know what you could do.

You could come in!

You're ri-- Uh, n-- Uh, no. Nice try.

Here. I'm through with the soup.

You want a sweet?

Uh, no. No. Gotta watch my weight.

What's the matter? You're afraid you're gonna make a bigger hole?

Smile.

[WINDS CAMERA]

Oh, you and Brooke are gonna be

the cutest couple at the dance.

Yeah, but the guys are gonna shred me.

Oh, honey, you just remember

that you're more mature than they are.

You just walk in there and hold your head up high.

Look them square in the eye

and say, "So's your mother."

So, Brighton,

your first date alone with a girl, hm?

Is there, uh, anything we need to talk about?

Dad, please. I'm going out with Brooke.

So you don't have any questions?

Yeah. Why am I going out with Brooke?

[DOORBELL RINGS] Oh. How do I look?

Oh. Great. Here you go.

Here you go. Thank you.

MAXWELL: Oh...

Wow.

Oh, good, because I'm going to pick up Gracie

from ballet class.

Oh, her teacher is so gorgeous.

I don't know who's cuter, him or his roommate, Chuck.

Chuck, huh?

Honey, it's time we had that little talk.

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Huh?

Oh.

[WHISPERS]

Oh!

Get ready.

[INSTRUMENTAL "I WILL SURVIVE" PLAYING]

[ALL CLAP]

[CLAP]

[CLAP]

Yeah.

[CLAP]

[DOUBLE CLAP]

[DOUBLE CLAP]

ALL: Hoo, hoo.

Hoo, hoo.