Original subtitles

[Alarm bell ringing]

["Best of my love" by the emotions]

[Emma voiceover] It was my first proper wedding.

Tim had stayed at our house so he didn't see Jenny.

But he was so drunk, he couldn't have seen anyone.

According to him, weddings were all about

superstitions, luck, and traditions.

I was supposed to feel pretty lucky

about being the bridesmaid.

But I didn't because I had to wear a stupid dress.

A proper, flowery, girly one.

But more importantly it was the jessop square north

versus jessop square south annual grudge match

and somehow I had to play in it.

[Upbeat rock music]

But before anything could happen, dad had to get mom,

and she hated getting up.

Not the light, not the light.

You're not a ruddy vampire.

[Shrieking]

♪ whoa whoa you got the best of my love ♪

I have a long memory Tony Kennedy.

Take your milk with your tea Brenda, this wedding is on.

Tim.

Help, help me I've gone blind!

Tim your eyes are shut.

Come on, let's go.

Ah.

You look lovely em.

Tim snored all night

and he made smells that were just wrong dad.

This is what men do Emma.

I'm afraid you're just going to

have to make yourself immune to it.

Tony, today has to be perfect for Jenny, perfect.

But I need you to know that I am powerless

in making that happen, powerless.

He's not wrong.

It's nerves Tim.

Got my powers Tony, I can't even stand.

Tim you got both legs in one pyjama leg

now calm down and start again.

And you've got lots of powers.

Listen, there's only one man that's gonna

make Jenny happy today and that's you.

So come on, let's get this wedding rolling.

[Emma voiceover] The wedding train was about to leave

the station, but I had something more important to do.

Aren't you playing?

I can't yet, I've gotta go and do the wedding.

Can't you miss the wedding?

This is the most important game of our lives.

I can do both.

Look, the game doesn't end until

the woman from number 37 shouts at us.

We've got ages.

Jessop square north are toast.

No, it's bad luck to say their name out loud.

Do you want to end up like Abigail?

Who's Abigail?

Exactly.

Quick turn around, hop, spit, and say rabbits.

Rabbits.

[Whistle blowing]

Never pass to Terrance, Judy will stop for blackjacks.

Good luck.

[Kids cheering]

Come on jessop square south.

[Boy] Toss it back Emma, yes Emma.

Emma.

Oh look at you, oh you actually look like a girl.

Although let's be clear, a modern girl isn't interested

in perpetuating dressing up stereotypes.

Oh that said, you do look lovely.

Is dad not coming?

He's with Tim, trying to stop him exploding with nerves.

["Go buddy go" the meteors]

♪ I said go buddy, go buddy, go buddy, go buddy ♪

♪ go, go, go ♪

♪ what'd I say ♪

♪ I said go buddy, go buddy, go buddy ♪

♪ go, go go ♪

♪ yeah hurry now buddy ♪

oh god what's happened?

Jenny, what's wrong?

It's the dress.

My bump's got too big, I can't get into it.

How can I have the perfect wedding without the dress?

Oh it's fine, it's just a bit stiff.

Wedding dresses are like getting sofas into rooms,

it's all about the angle.

We can fix this.

Come on.

Arms up, suck in.

Oh dear.

It's not gonna go Brenda

Emma come here.

Grab that corner and pull as hard as you can.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

It's the only way Brenda.

On my count.

One, two, three.

Pull!

[Fabric ripping loudly]

Rabbits.

What have you done?

You destroyed my wedding dress.

But you told me to pull.

I didn't mean it!

Okay.

Okay just shut your eyes right now Jenny,

in case you go into shock.

Shut them, lie down, and sleep.

Oh god.

What are we gonna do?

Are you by some impossible miracle

a trained wedding dress maker?

I made a hand puppet once from a sock.

A sock's not gonna be big enough.

Wait.

We've got curtains.

We can go a bit rain drops on roses, whiskers on kittens.

Who doesn't love the sound of music?

Nobody.

Exactly.

Make it a themed wedding.

You can go as a box tied up as string.

Or a goat.

A goat.

Brenda.

Hey I'm getting married in two hours

and my dress is in pieces.

I will not scale mount wedding

in lederhosen made of curtains.

Let's focus on the positives.

Think of it as an opportunity, a modern adventure.

I don't want a modern adventure.

I want to get married in

an early wedding dress like a normal person.

This is an opportunity for nothing

other than a nervous breakdown.

We must stay calm and focus.

Focus everyone.

Focus.

You could go dressed like that.

Going in my underwear Brenda?

Shower curtain.

That's it, I'm killing myself, goodbye everyone.

Okay.

[Jenny] No, no, no.

No, no Jenny you're not high enough,

you'll sprain your ankle at best.

There must be something.

You must know someone.

Think.

Think a bit more, quickly.

Brenda, I already can't get married in a church,

so everything else has to be perfect.

Where's the old, the new, the borrowed, and the blue?

You're in charge of that.

You've got them, haven't you, because that was your one job?

The old, the new, the borrowed, and the blue.

I didn't think you wanted all that traditional nonsense.

I did.

I did want all that traditional nonsense

and all the luck that came with them.

I want all of it.

Ah well.

Who says it has to be blue.

I've got a, a red rubber in my bag, you can have that.

It covers old as well and borrowed if I want it back.

I don't want your stupid rubber!

I want a dress!

And I want the old, and I want the new,

and I want the borrowed, and I want the blue!

And I want all the traditions and all the superstitions!

And I will have the nearest thing

to a perfect wedding if it kills me, Brenda!

Or you.

Should I just go and get dad?

Brilliant Emma, brilliant,

this is why you'll definitely get into university.

Run, run Lassie.

And whatever you do, make sure he's as panicked as I am.

I was off.

Dad was now our only hope.

But I still needed to keep my eyes on the prize.

Pass it Jane, pass it, pass it.

No, no, no, not to me.

Have I got mud on my back?

A bit.

[Emma] Jane watch out.

[Heavy breathing]

Tim relax, just relax.

Relax.

Relax mate, that's it relax.

Dad, dad.

Jenny's dress has gone all wrong.

What do you mean Jenny's dress has gone all wrong?

That's bad luck isn't it Tony?

That's bad luck.

Oh ho no, that's not what she meant.

Oh, just you, just wait there.

[Chuckling]

What do you mean Jenny's dress has gone all wrong?

Well it was in one bit.

Right.

And now its in two bits.

And mom told me to come here and ask you what to do.

Mrs. Palmer, she makes costumes for the ancroft players,

she might be able to help.

Yeah, run and ask her, yeah.

Mrs. Palmer.

[Tony] Yeah.

Gotcha.

Okay.

Emma, Emma, Emma.

What's happened to your dress?

You're covered in mud.

Has your mother seen it?

It's only mud.

It's only mud?

Right, trust me on this,

keep your back to everyone at all times.

Everything's going really well.

[Upbeat rock music]

Come on jessop square south, we can do this.

Oh no, not again.

[Loud splashing]

[Sighing]

[Kids shouting]

["Pump it up" by Elvis costello]

♪ down in the pleasure centre ♪

♪ hell bent or heaven sent ♪

♪ listen to the propaganda ♪

♪ listen to the latest slander ♪

[knocking on door]

Oh Tony.

Have you got a wedding dress?

Where's Emma?

She's, I've sent her to Dee's.

Brilliant idea.

What's happened to Jenny's dress, where is it?

It's there Tony.

You set fire to Jenny's wedding dress?

No, of course I didn't.

She did.

Don't ask, it all went a bit ugly.

[Jenny] Tony, he's still going through with it?

Don't worry Jenny, everything's gonna be fine.

Well I haven't got the old, the new,

the borrowed, or the blue.

Is that bad luck, Tony?

Can everyone stop saying everything's bad luck?

It's all just superstitious nonsense.

Bad luck is bad luck, Brenda.

I'm not prepared to take the chance, so do something.

Jenny, I am not glinda the good witch of the north.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do about the bad luck.

Can't Tony just fix it?

Yes, yes.

Tony'll fix it.

Off you go, borrowed, find it, find it now.

I've got.

Now Tony, borrowed.

And make sure it's the luckiest borrowed

you can get your hands on.

Go, go, off, off.

I've got them mum, I've got them.

Oh, oh thank goodness.

You've found a massive wedding dress.

Not quite.

It's from the play we're doing with the ancroft players.

They won't mind you borrowing it.

Borrowed.

Emma, get back after your father.

Tell him borrowed is done, now he has to get blue.

Off, off.

And tell him to make sure it's extra lucky.

Oh Jenny, the day is saved.

You've got a big white thing from a play.

What play?

Moby dick.

It's the best I can do.

It's this or a galleon with four cannons.

You want me to get married dressed as a whale?

It's white Jenny, that's a start.

It's a whale Brenda, a whale, a whale with googly eyes.

They're good aren't they?

I got them from an old pantomime horse.

Hang on?

Isn't Moby dick supposed to be really unlucky?

No.

Yes, a real portent of evil.

Shush David.

A whole bag of shush.

Shush yes, sorry.

No, no, no Brenda, I will not do it.

Jenny, Jenny.

Don't be hasty.

It's white, which is traditional.

It will fit you, which really helps us at the moment.

And Dee will somehow make it look like a dress.

Won't you Dee?

I can do my best, make some adjustments.

The tail can make a train.

I can tuck it here, cut it there.

I can hide the eyes.

Nobody will know Jenny.

It's got fins.

You could say they're just fashion.

Exactly Jenny.

Who understands fashion?

David, do you understand fashion?

No, I do not.

You have got just under two hours to make this

the best whale based wedding dress anyone has ever seen.

Do you understand?

Yes.

What's, what's happening?

How's Jenny?

She's fine.

A slight problem with the dress

and I've got to find something borrowed, but it's fine.

This is all my fault.

I should have slaughtered something

to appease the wedding gods.

There's no such thing as the wedding gods.

Pull yourself together Tim.

We're gonna borrow something, now think.

I can't think I've got marriage fright,

I'm riddled with it.

You don't need to do borrowed,

mom says get blue and make it lucky.

I've got a penthouse under the bed.

Sometimes when I show it to Jenny I get lucky.

It's not that sort of blue Tim.

[Kids shouting]

Right, come on.

Terrence.

Come here, come here.

Right give us your sock.

What?

Just give us your sock!

What's the score?

12, nil to them.

We really need you.

So the woman from number 37 hasn't shouted yet?

No.

She's gone welwyn garden city for a pound of kittens.

We've still got ages.

Good.

Keep it tight in the back four.

I don't know what that means

no one does.

Here you go

thanks.

Here you go, one blue sock.

But is it lucky Tony?

It needs to be lucky.

Of course it's lucky.

Look at him go.

[Whimpering]

It'll have to do, won't it?

But we need old Tony.

[Growling]

What about them!?

Don't be ridiculous.

Come on.

Come on Emma.

A wet sock.

It smells of mice.

Well stick it on the radiator, let it dry,

and then tie around your leg like a garter.

It is blue Jenny.

Focus on the positive.

Are you alright Jenny?

No.

No I'm not.

Won't somebody, somewhere, help us?

Look at the time.

We've got to start getting everyone in the car.

But Tony you haven't got the old and new yet.

Jenny's not going anywhere 'til you've got those.

And I've only just stared.

You two split up.

Tony get old, Emma get new.

Out you go.

Can't you do it?

I'm a little busy with Tim.

I can't abandon my post.

You're gonna have to do it.

Jenny needs a horseshoe or something.

On the ladder of luck, they're right up there.

Ladder of luck?

Everyone's gone ruddy mad.

I know, but what can we do?

If we want them to get married,

you're gonna have to get her a horseshoe.

Brenda we are running out of time.

What do you want me to do, take one from

the herd of wild ponies that live on jessop square?

Oh no, I can't, because there aren't any.

Well you've got tools in your garage haven't you?

Yes, I've got tools.

So make one!

And hurry up.

Right Tim you're coming with me.

[Tim] Good, let's get going.

[Tony] This way, this way.

Go and find a four leaf clover.

That's impossible.

Impossible Emma, no.

Sticky tape in the kitchen cupboard.

You know what to do.

Right, horse shoe done.

That's it.

Emma's doing the new so that's

the superstitions taken care of.

Right, now we can get you married.

You get in the front seat,

the girls will be here in a minute.

Come on Brenda, don't let me down.

I can't travel with Jenny, Tony.

I can't see her before the wedding, that's bad luck.

You're gonna have to drive me

to the register office and come back.

We haven't got time.

We've got to get you there, get you married,

and leave within the next 20 minutes.

It's a five minute drive man, come on,

or we'll be cursed for all eternity.

Jambalaya.

[Upbeat rock music]

♪ some girls will ♪

♪ some girls won't ♪

♪ some girls need a lot of loving ♪

♪ and some girls don't ♪

you're getting married in a sheet?

It's bad luck to reveal the dress

before you get there Emma.

I think she's just making stuff up now.

Oh what's that you found Emma?

It's a four leaf clover.

Amazing, amazing find Emma.

What luck Jenny.

Is this a fake?

No.

A fake?

A fake.

Just uh, stick it underneath your thigh sock

and never mention it again.

Emma Kennedy!

Look at your dress!

Brenda she is covered in mud!

I have got a regular clover with one leaf stuck on it.

My garter is made from a slightly damp sock

and my bridesmaid is filthy.

My wedding is a disaster.

You want more luck Jenny?

I'll get you more luck.

[Gasping]

There you go.

Now she's a chimney sweep,

which Jenny is the best luck ever.

Jenny you are beautiful.

You've got life in your belly and love in your heart.

If that's not all the luck you need then I don't know what.

You could walk up that aisle dressed as

a camel on a Wednesday and we'd still all think

you were the most beautiful, luckiest bride we'd ever seen.

Who needs the same old things everyone else has?

Make your own traditions, your own luck.

Is anyone else getting married today

with a boys clammy football sock tied to their thigh?

And what does that make you?

Slightly damp.

Uniquely lucky, that's what.

So stand tall.

Oh yes, stand tall.

I forgot to tell you that.

That bit's important, don't bend down.

Here's Tony.

This is it Jenny.

We're off to the registry office.

["Love is in the air" by John Paul young]

♪ love is in the air ♪

♪ everywhere I look around ♪

[Tony] Have you got everything?

Rings, speech, sick bags for the car.

The um, right the ring.

Right everybody get in, I won't be a minute.

♪ And I don't know I'm being foolish ♪

♪ don't know if I ♪

[door slamming]

♪ but it's something that I must believe in ♪

everybody come close.

♪ Love is in the air ♪

♪ and the whisper of the trees ♪

♪ love is in the air ♪

♪ in the thunder of the sea ♪

[cheering]

Calm down dear, we've got 10 minutes to get them married.

I'm telling you Jenny, we have pulled this off.

You've done wonders Dee, wonders.

This is it, you're getting married.

You've done a great job Dee.

I am ishmael.

Hope nobody's brought a harpoon.

[Laughing]

You know what you are?

Cutting edge fashion.

You'll be the talk of the town Jenny.

Oh I expect we'll be talking

about this for years to come Brenda.

Years.

Come on, there's another wedding after this.

Okay, David and Dee get in there and sing your hearts out.

Emma pick up her tail.

I mean train.

Tony take her down that aisle and let's get married.

[Emma voiceover] Despite forgetting to do the only job

she'd been given, mum had gotten away with it.

She was utterly triumphant.

She's coming.

Registrar she's coming, we've done it.

We nail weddings, we nail them.

You're beautiful Jenny.

Tim's a lucky man.

Ready?

Ready.

♪ Congratulations ♪

♪ and celebrations ♪

♪ when I tell everyone that you're in love with me ♪

♪ congratulations and tribulations ♪

♪ I want the world to know how happy I can be ♪

she's all yours mate.

Thanks.

Hi Jenny, thanks for coming, you look lovely.

Is she dressed as a whale?

Yes I think she is, yes.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Looking at the bride and groom today

I am reminded that embarking on marriage

is like embarking on a long voyage across uncharted seas.

No, no, don't.

Or to use another analogy, marriage is a circle of love.

Today you will exchange vows which will unite you

as man and whale, I mean wife.

And now the best man will read

a poem of the couple's choosing.

Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow

and everywhere that Mary went.

I don't know anyone called Mary.

The lamb was sure to go.

Thanks mate, that was really moving.

I lost the reading.

What?

I lost.

[Throat clearing]

So a man hears a knock at his backdoor, he opens it,

he looks down, there's a snail there.

Bends down, he picks up the snail,

and he Chucks it as far as he can.

Four years later there's another knock on the door

and he opens it and the snail's there.

The snail looks up and he says, what'd you do that for?

[Laughing]

Sorry mate, I lost the reading.

No it's alright, no I'll take it from here though.

I lost the speech.

I had a speech written out but I had an emergency

last night in the loo's at curry paradise.

Leave it, burn it, that's gone now.

Who needs speeches?

I am just a man standing with his woman.

Me Tarzan, she Jane.

[Yelping loudly]

Hey.

Jenny, beautiful sweet Jenny, you smell really nice.

You have other attributes as well, but that's your best one.

You're going to be a brilliant mum

and I'm really, really, really looking forward

to having sex with you again.

[Clearing throat]

I am a lucky, lucky man to have you.

And even better, we're having a baby

which you will look after.

I have Tony and Brenda,

the best friends anyone could ask for.

And Dee and David who I also know.

And Emma who is

a girl.

I am.

Life's pretty alright.

Now let's get married.

[Guests cheering and applauding]

Then it gives me great pleasure to tell you

that you are now husband and wife.

[Guests cheering and applauding]

♪ cause you'll always be the love of my life. ♪

Don't bend down!

[Air gushing]

[Screaming]

Blowhole, I couldn't take it out.

[Guests cheering]

I'd learned that luck was something you made happen

yourself and I still have my own promise to keep.

Right, let's get this done.

["Don't stop me now" by queen]

♪ don't stop me, don't stop me, don't stop me ♪

♪ hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ don't stop me, don't stop me ♪

♪ oh oh oh ♪

oh crickey you're here.

It's all square, 31 all.

♪ I'm burning through the sky, yeah ♪

[kids cheering]

Hey, you lot, pack it in!

We won, we won!

[Kids cheering]

[Boy] Come on, come on.

I knew you were lucky.

I knew it.

[Kids cheering]

We did it jessop square south, we did it!

Yes.

["Love grows where my Rosemary goes by Edison lighthouse]

♪ she ain't got no money, her clothes are kinda funny ♪

♪ her hair is kinda wild and free ♪

♪ oh but love grows where my Rosemary goes ♪

♪ and nobody knows like me ♪

♪ she talks kinda lazy ♪

♪ and people say she's crazy ♪

♪ and her life's a mystery ♪

♪ oh but love grows where my Rosemary goes ♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0