Original subtitles

? ?

Dad, what have you done to the house?

It looks horrifying!

Aw, you're just saying that.

Seriously, it's amazing. Every year,

-you outdo yourself. -Thanks, Syd.

So, guess my costume.

You're a haunted mattress!

No. Just wait till the rest of my costume gets here.

(doorbell rings)

And there it is now. Close your eyes!

Okay, ladies, let's get in formation.

Okay, Dad, open your eyes!

Girls: Happy Halloween!

A peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

-Wait, creamy or crunchy? -Crunchy.

Then, I love it!

Guys, we are definitely gonna win

-Best Group Costume at school today. -We better.

I'm tired of losing to the Anderson twins.

Last year, they came as each other and still won!

-I just can't wait to go trick-or-treating. -Me, too!

I love going to the Montags.

They always give out king size candy bars.

Syd, remember when we were little,

and you ate five in one sitting?

Don't remind me. That was the year we had to buy a new couch.

Let's not forget the Riveras' house.

You never know when Mr. Rivera is gonna pop out and scare you.

Last year, he fell out of a tree.

He loves Halloween so much,

he even tried to scare the paramedics.

Okay, guys, let's pack up this sandwich to go.

We better go open-face until we get to school.

? ?

You know what, guys?

We are definitely gonna win best costume.

Oh yeah. It's in the bag.

Or should I say, the sandwich bag.

(inaudible)

Uh, guys?

Why are none of the other eighth graders wearing costumes?

It is Halloween, right?

(laughs) Look at you guys!

I didn't think anyone our age

dressed up for Halloween anymore.

(laughter)

Lemme guess.

Peanut butter and jelly.

(laughter)

Oh!

You think this is a "costume" costume?

No. (laughs) This is...

an ironic costume.

Olive: Yeah.

We're going as eighth graders

who don't know that they shouldn't be wearing costumes.

Fooled ya!

Oh, that's funny! You know,

for a second, I thought you guys were, like, really dressed up

and were gonna go trick-or-treating and everything.

What? No. How lame would that be?

So lame. The lamest.

In fact, on a scale from zero to lame,

-it's like-- -I think we made our point.

Now, if you'll excuse us, we were actually headed

to the bathroom to get out of these.

Yeah. We already gave everybody a good laugh.

(nervous laughter)

-But we're still trick-or-treating, right? -Not the time, Emmy.

? Do do do do ?

(theme music playing)

? Like father, like daughter, we don't always agree ?

? But looking at you is like looking at me ?

? The more things change, the more they stay the same ?

? Like father, like daughter, from different times ?

? Taking all the best from your decade and mine ?

? The more things change ?

? The more they stay the same ?

? Do do, do do do do, do do ?

? The more they stay the same ?

? ?

Hey, girls. Check out

these boba eyeball smoothies.

Some people want to watch they eat.

Others want what they eat

to watch them!

Thanks, Dad, but we're not really up for Halloween humor.

What's wrong? You guys didn't win best costume?

No, but we won only costume.

We were the only eighth graders who dressed up.

It was totally humiliating.

Oh. Well, at least you'll have fun trick-or-treating tonight.

Oh, no, no, no, no. We're not going.

Wait, you were serious about that?

Oh no, my baby girl's outgrown trick-or-treating?

Dad...

Don't worry. I'll keep a smile on the outside.

But, boy, I am a mess in here!

Let's face it.

We're just too mature

to be running around in silly costumes.

Did someone say they don't like silly costumes?

I couldn't agree more.

That's why I dress like myself.

Cool.

Too cool, Grandma. In fact,

I'm deleting the cool emoji from my phone,

and, from now on, just sending a picture of you.

Thanks, Noodle. Well,

I've got six parties I've gotta go to, so I gotta bounce.

I hate to say goodbye, so I'll let my costume do it for me.

I'm confused.

Eighth graders are too old to wear costumes,

but college kids aren't?

Well, I guess that's why they call it middle school.

We're stuck between little kid fun and big kid fun.

Then, what are we gonna do tonight?

What if instead of trick-or-treating,

we just walk around the neighborhood, in costume,

asking people for candy?

Emmy, that is trick-or-treating.

Darn, I was hoping you wouldn't notice.

I know! How about we have

a super spooky, not at all babyish

hang in the Girl Cave?

Girls: Yes! Awesome! I'm in!

I better get home. I wanna make sure

the Girl Cave looks extra spooky.

I'm talking snakes, bats, and spiders.

You mean fake spiders, right?

Do I?

(evil laughter)

-Ah! -What's the matter?

My smoothie just winked at me!

? ?

(knocking)

Happy Halloween, Max!

You mean Hallo-wazzup!

Wazzup!

Ready for some serious trick-or-treating tonight?

Oh yeah! Candy can run, but it can't hide!

Happy Halloween, Ms. Reynolds!

Ooh, are you gonna be a witch again?

Yeah. I just wish I had time to find a talking cat.

Mom, cats don't talk.

They do in my world.

Did you remember to go to the drugstore

and buy me some candy to give out tonight?

Here you go.

-That's it? -Sorry.

That's all they had left.

Next time, you really shouldn't wait until the last minute.

You're right, Max, because I do nothing all day.

I had the butler decorate the house,

put my witch costume together...

Where is that guy anyway? Oh, that's right.

I'm the butler!

Finally, we agree on something.

Excuse me. The change from the candy.

There wasn't any.

Wow, I can't believe how much they charge for candy.

Did you tell them it was for Judy Reynolds?

-Yes. -And what did they say?

They said, "next in line!"

What a rip-off. Wish I owned a candy factory.

I'd move far away from here.

You mean we'd move far away from here.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

I can't believe

that a drugstore would take advantage

of a hardworking single mom.

They didn't.

I did.

What are you talking about?

Look, we know the houses that give out the best candy.

What if we could hit those houses four times in a night?

But, they'd be able to tell it was us.

You know I make a strong first impression.

That's why I told my mom they only had one bag of candy.

I used the rest of the money...

to buy these cheap costumes!

We'll just keep putting on new costumes,

and they'll never know it's us!

I don't know, Max.

If we take all the good candy, all that'll be left

for the other kids is raisins and baby carrots.

And wouldn't that be so much healthier for them?

Leo, we'd be doing these kids a favor.

Okay, I'm in. But I'm only doing it for the children.

? ?

(knocking)

Trick or treat!

Wazzup!

-Huh? -It's what we said in the '90s.

The 1890s?

No, I'm a 1990s skateboarder.

I'm, like, totally gnarly, dude.

If I tell you I get it, can I have my candy now?

Whateverrr!

Hey, Dad. Thanks for helping me set up

the Girl Cave for the party tonight.

No sweat, dudette. Hope it looks fly.

And you are...

Come on! The backwards hat, the shorts, the T-shirt,

the skateboard?

I got it! You're a dad who just cleaned out the garage!

No, I'm a skateboarder from the 1990s!

See? Was that so hard?

It wasn't easy.

Fine, I'll do what I do every year. I'll be a vampire.

Maybe I'll be a vampire skater.

(Dracula voice): Vazzup!

Nah, maybe just the vampire.

(Dracula voice): Vhat a vonderful idea.

-(door creaks, evil laughter) -(creepy music)

(beads clattering)

Olive: Syd! We're here!

Are you down there?

-(click) -(man screaming)

Welcome to Halloween, Amigas -style!

(scary voice): Enter if you dare!

Olive: Syd, this place looks amazing!

Emmy: Yeah, it's so spooky!

Spooky, but not too spooky.

You know I scare easily.

-(bat chirping) -Ah! A bat!

-Emmy: Ah! Get it out of my face! -(screaming)

(laughs) That was awesome!

It looked so real!

Yeah. That was great.

But, um, there aren't gonna be a lot of those, are there?

I'd like to say no, but...

in a haunted dungeon,

anything can happen.

Oh good.

Why don't we go to the food table and have a snack?

(scary voice): It could be your last!

Maybe you'll enjoy some "finger" food.

If you're not that hungry,

have a pinky!

We have "deviled" eggs,

laid by only the evilest chickens!

"Blood" orange punch, freshly drained.

And finally,

some plain old guacamole.

(girls scream)

How'd that get in there?

I don't blame it. This dip's delicious.

Now, let's move to our main event.

I spent all afternoon writing

a complicated murder mystery,

and hiding clues

all over the house.

You guys get to figure out who the killer is.

(squealing)

These are the characters that I have created

for you guys to play.

Ooh!

I am the rich victim's nurse

with ulterior motives,

who found him lying facedown in the swimming pool.

And I'm the victim's mother who seems nice,

but has a deep, dark secret hidden just beneath the surface!

And I'm the murderer!

Sydney/Sophia/Olive: Emmy!

Oops. Just pretend I didn't say that.

Too late. It's ruined.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blurt it.

I'm a blurter. You know that about me.

-So, what do we do now? -Board games?

They're not very Halloweeny.

-Scary movie? -Then, I'm out.

Well, I'm just gonna say it.

I miss trick-or-treating.

Me, too. If I'd known our last time

was gonna be our last time,

I would've enjoyed it more.

Yeah. It's like we never got a chance to say goodbye.

Well, you can't say hello to the future

unless you say goodbye to the past.

I read that on a yogurt lid.

This might sound crazy,

but what if we went trick-or-treating one last time?

You know, one quick trip around the block.

For closure.

In our peanut butter and jelly costume?

What if someone sees us?

It's bad enough we got made fun of at school.

Yeah. If we get caught trick-or-treating,

that's the kind of embarrassment that could follow you

to high school, and then to a top-tier college

no more than three hours away from home.

My mom has a plan.

Wait. We could wear other costumes

that cover our faces. No one would know it's us!

-That's perfect! -Great idea!

That totally works!

You did it, Emmy.

Come on, guys! Let's go find some new costumes!

-(bat chirping) -Ah! Oh, that is scary!

? ?

? ?

Trick or treat!

Happy Halloween!

(cackling)

Here you go,

and here you go.

Only one each? Is that all the candy you have?

I sent my son to the store, and he only came back

with one bag of candy.

Here. You can... split this.

Seriously?

Do you really wanna eat more candy?

Look what it did to these!

(kids screaming)

(cackling)

Can you believe how much candy we got?

Now, it's time for round two.

Change our costumes and hit them again.

Let's start with that house that gave out

full-size Peanut Pandemonium bars!

Because...

Both: ? You can't say pandemonium ?

? Without the yum! ?

We better hide all this candy.

Otherwise, my mom will be suspicious.

She always thinks I'm up to no good.

You are up to no good.

Which is why I said hide it.

(sighs) Let's see, let's see.

Oh! I got it!

How about this pot? The woman never cooks.

And when she does, hoo! Now, that's scary.

(Dracula voice): Vone candy for you,

vone for you, and vone for you!

Now, your blood vill be

extra sveet!

(evil laugh)

(normal voice): Why do I only do this once a year?

(Dracula voice): Ah, more victims!

Velcome to Max-ylvania!

Vhy are you dressed like that?

Well, we decided to go trick-or-treating one last time.

What do you think of our new costumes?

(Dracula voice): Vhat happened to peanut butter and jelly?

Dad, we can't be recognized.

If someone from school sees us, our lives will be over.

(normal voice): And you thought it would be less embarrassing to go dressed as...

whatever that is?

Well, I'm a hockey player on vacation.

Isn't it obvious?

Now that you mention it, no.

At least I know what Emmy is. Mummy, right?

Oh, I thought I was a giant roll of toilet paper,

but a mummy is way better!

Hey, Mr. Reynolds, you can't tell it's me, can you?

No. It's like I'm talking to your father.

Okay, now my costume's awkward.

And I assume that is Olive under my good sheet.

Olive: Sure is.

(whisper): He's over there.

Sure is.

Thank you for not cutting eyeholes in it.

Hey, I'm a ghost.

I can walk through walls.

Why do I need to see?

Come on, girls. It's our last hurrah,

so let's go out with a bang.

-(thud) -Ow!

? ?

Oh shoot.

That was my last candy.

Wait here. I've got some baby carrots in the fridge.

Who doesn't love baby carrots?

Okay, okay.

I'll find something.

(rattling)

I gotta say,

buying these costumes with my mom's candy money

is my best plan ever.

Those people who gave out the Pandemonium bars

had no idea we were there for a third time!

In their defense, they're dealing with geniuses.

Okay, Max. Hide the candy in the cabinet, and let's go.

Okay.

(Dracula voice): And ve're off!

No time to vaste!

Max, that's a vampire, not a devil.

(normal voice): Hey, they both have a V in them.

Trick or treat, boys.

(evil laugh)

? ?

Can't believe nobody knew I was a hockey player on vacation.

How much more obvious could it be?

Hey, at least you don't have to wear

this itchy mustache all night.

No wonder my mom waxes hers.

Oh wait, that was a secret!

Ow! Olive!

Oh good, it's you.

I was talking to a lamppost for, like, five minutes.

Emmy, can you hold Olive's hand?

Sorry! I'm too busy tucking.

I've been unraveling since we left your house.

I don't know how mummies do it!

Come on, guys. I know this hasn't been

the best trick-or-treat, but it's gonna be our last.

So, let's enjoy it!

Olive/Emmy/Sophia: You're right. Absolutely. Let's do it.

(doorbell rings)

Girls: Trick or treat!

(girls scream)

Whoa, I didn't mean to scare you kids.

Hey! You made your own costumes.

Good for you!

Hold on, I'll grab the candy.

Oh no, it's Ned!

I can't believe this is his house.

-Should we run? -No, that's suspicious.

Let's just grab the candy and get out of here.

Alright, here you go, kids.

-Happy Halloween! -Thanks, Ned!

-Emmy! -Olive: Sydney!

And I am not Sophia!

It's you guys?

Hey, dudes! Come check this out!

Sydney, Olive, Emmy, and Sophia are trick-or-treating!

(laughter)

Okay, now we run.

-(thud) -Ow!

? ?

? ?

(gasps) That was bad.

-Really bad. Really, really bad. -(door shuts)

Did you see the look on Ned's face

when he called his friends over?

For once, I'm glad I didn't have eyeholes.

What are we gonna do?

This is gonna be all over school by tomorrow.

-You think they're gonna post it? -I would.

It's great content!

We aren't gonna be able to walk down the halls

without people laughing.

You think we'll be able to wear masks forever?

Then I'm gonna need a new costume.

I guess I could borrow my mom's wig.

Oh wait, that was a secret, too.

? ?

Okay, Leo. Time to sort all our loot.

Behold.

(heavenly singing)

Leo, it's gone!

-(screams) -(doorbell rings)

(door opens)

Judy: Happy Halloween.

Take as many Peanut Pandemonium bars as you want!

-What!? -What!?

(wrappers crinkling)

Mom?

Oh hi, boys!

Crazy story.

I was running out of candy because I only had

one itty little bag that my son got.

But then I found

this pot full of amazing candy!

You wouldn't have any idea how it got there, would you, Max?

Uh... no!

-It must be a miracle! -Hallelujah!

Well, since nobody knows where this candy came from,

I think we should share our miracle with the neighborhood.

Unless you think I should investigate more.

-(laughs) No, no. -We'd love to!

I thought so.

(cackling)

(doorbell rings)

It was still a really good plan.

Just give out the candy.

? ?

Well, thanks for trying, Syd.

Yeah, sorry it didn't work out.

You guys calling it a night?

Yeah. This Halloween has been a disaster.

13 is a difficult age.

(Dracula voice): But try being 213!

-(doorbell rings) -Oh, you know, can you grab that while I get some more candy?

Trick or treat!

Look at you guys.

Olive: Aw, they're doing

a group costume like we used to.

We're fruit salad!

Hey, are the Montags doing king-size candy bars this year?

Yep! Two each.

They are such good people.

-And did Mr. Rivera pop out and scare you? -Strawberry: Yeah.

He was on the roof.

That man does not learn.

Why aren't you trick-or-treating?

We're kinda a little too old for it now.

Too old for Halloween?

Yeah. Kids our age don't think it's cool.

What? I don't understand.

You will when you get older.

Here you go.

Thanks. I don't care what anyone says.

Halloween's the best.

-Kids, huh? -Yeah.

-What does she know? -She's, like, 7.

-I wanna go trick-or-treating. -So do I!

-Me, too! -Totally!

Who cares what other people think?

Besides, what's the worst they can say?

"Ooh, I saw the Amigas having fun?"

Then, what are we waiting for?

I'll go get the toilet paper!

No!

This time, we're going as peanut butter and jelly,

and I don't care who sees us!

-Who's with me? -Girls: We are!

I don't know why you didn't listen to me in the first place.

? ?

Guys, I'm glad we went trick-or-treating after all,

and did it the way we wanted to.

As a proud PB&J.

Look at all these cute pics I took of us.

Aw! Look at us with those adorable fruit salad girls.

Throw in a chocolate milk, and we make a well-rounded lunch.

You know what? We should post them.

-Are you sure? -Sydney: Yeah.

We had fun. Why should we hide?

-You're right. -Post away, Emmy.

Did I hear you're posting pictures?

I wanna be in one.

But, Dad, nobody would see you.

Vampires don't show up in pictures.

That is the worst excuse I've ever heard

to get out of a picture with your dad.

Besides, I'm not a real vampire.

-(shutter snap) -(scary music) ---oOo---

? Do do, do do do do, do do ?

? Do do, do do do do, do do ?

? Do do, do do do do, do do ?

? Do do, do do do do, do do ?

Man: Oh yeah.

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