Original subtitles

-[sirens wailing]

-We got a jumper!

-[dramatic music plays]

-Get a net out here now!

-Rex: That won't be necessary, officer.

The League of Freedom is here.

What do we got?

-His wife called it in.

Served him with divorce papers today.

-Another human female has reached enlightenment.

Where is your heroic wife?

I would celebrate with her over vessels of wine.

-Okay, let's just turn that off.

-You sure the League is cut out for this kind of work, Rex?

-Well, this might not be within my purview,

but the League of Freedom is a big team.

-You can do it. You got this.

-Fantastic.

Aah! Bog-Man, you smell like shit!

What are you doing here again?

-I will give this man what he craves.

Understanding.

-The hell? Smells like pickled shit!

-He can smell you! -[retches]

My eyes are watering!

Extraordinaut, please.

-[warbling]

Oh! Great!

Heartshine?

-Don't come any closer!

Who are you?

-No. Who are you?

You are Roger Fogerty.

You are 41 years old.

And you are loved.

-No, I'm not.

My wife doesn't want me.

My parents are dead.

Who loves me?

-I do.

-Who are you?

-I'm Heartshine.

-We'll get him the help he needs. Thanks.

-You did it, Heartshine!

-Oh, yippee. Another fool who can't cope with life

gets to live a few more pathetic decades.

-Donald, I-- -Stop it.

I'd rather return to my workshop

and put myself to practical use.

-Devizo's been awfully cranky lately. What's up?

-I... I don't know.

-What's the Seven-Eyed Staff saying?

-It's saying Heartshine... is lying.

-[theme music plays]

-[eerie music plays]

-Aah! Let me out!

-Oh, Lex, you know I cannot do that.

-I'm sorry I'm late.

I had a hard time losing Rex. How is she?

-We don't have much time.

If we don't cure here soon, she'll be lost for good.

-[glass breaking] -Oh, shit!

-[dramatic note plays]

-What the fuck?

-Rex, I can expl--

-[yells] -[grunts]

-Let me out, Rex!

-[dramatic music plays]

-Dad?

I didn't want you to see me like this.

-She wouldn't let us help if we told you.

-I think this is where you apologize

for T-boning me on my desk, because you'd--

-I'm... sorry.

-Shit. Didn't expect you to say that.

Let's get you caught up.

Lex is losing control of her insect side,

the half she got from her mother, Frau Mantis.

-She begged us to lock her away from society until we found a cure.

-And hide her from me.

-She thought she'd caused you enough pain.

-Where do we stand now?

-Dr. Devizo: Look familiar?

-The serum from the island Debbie was imprisoned on.

She used it to neutralize my powers.

-If we can get more of it and modify it

to suppress Lex's insect DNA, we could have a cure.

-Then we go back to the island.

-There's something I've got to tell you about the island.

I guess you could call it a confession.

-Absolutely what you'd call it!

-After Lex defeated Debbie,

I kind of put her back on the island.

-You what? -[whirring]

-I want to remind you that I'm still very much

jacked up from your last tantrum.

-You'll be getting diminishing returns-- Ah!

-You stranded her on that island for decades,

turned her into a killing machine,

and then you put her back?

I loved her! You loved her!

-She's the most dangerous woman on Earth.

Where else could I put her?

-We can't get the power retardant without you, Rex.

-[soft music plays]

-Lex, I won't come back until I've found a way to fix this.

-[dramatic music plays]

-Announcer: Hey kids, buckle up or don't!

The Cooch and Liplor Show is back! -[growling]

-[tires screech]

-[whimsical music plays]

-What's up, y'all?

We sure did learn a lot today.

Mr. Cacky stopped by and taught the squids the true meaning of pasta.

-I sang a song about it, which was not easy.

A lot of moving parts there.

-And we learned how to stand up to bullies

from our special guest, Meta Zenith!

-Ha-ha! In every bully,

there is a traumatized child yearning for help.

Learn that child's weakness and attack with no mercy!

-[children cheering]

-Aah! -What do you say, Mr. Leprechaun?

-Goodbye for now, and never stop lookin' for me gold!

-Until next time!

-[cheers and applause]

-[explosion]

-That was fun!

-Can I get out of this monocle?

Where's my monocle guy?

-Zenith, great job out there.

I'm surprised a warrior like yourself could make time

for a children's television show.

-I am Meta Zenith now-- half Zenith,

half nationally famous talk show host Portia Jones.

Both dies must be free to express themselves,

Portia by getting back on television,

and I by negotiating our deal.

-Next time you want scale plus 10,

please just go through our lawyers.

Me and my rotator cuff would rather not arm-wrestle you for it.

-A common custom in the Godsrealm!

-And the eye-gouging?

-My own flourish.

-What adventures are the League embarking on now?

-Actually, Rex is away on family business.

He's given us all a little R&R,

which apparently means we're part of something called an "entourage".

-Like the television show with Vinnie Chase and E?

-Yep. -Ugh!

-Yep.

-Come on, clear out. -[giggling]

-This isn't a day care.

We've got three more of these to shoot today.

-Saturn? -Groaner?

Great to see you. What's up?

-What's up? You said there might be a spot for me on Cooch's show.

-Oh, right. Mm, let's retire to the ol' casting couch.

I mean, the couch in my casting-couch-room office.

-[dramatic music plays]

-Now, you know I just can't give you the part.

You'll just have to beat out a few other contenders.

-Such as?

-I'm here for the audition.

Oh. Groaner?

-Patty Mine?

-Oh, no! Aah!

I forgot you two were dating.

I hope this doesn't cause undue stress on your relationship.

-Son of a bitch.

-[thunder crashing]

-Jesus, what were you flying? Mach 5?

Thanks for the goggles, by the way.

I'd eat Bog-Man ass for some Visine.

-I want to get in and out before Debbie knows we're here.

-[thunder crashes]

-And there's one hell of a storm moving in.

-[dramatic music plays]

-[thunder crashes]

-The serum's in the northeast compound.

-Shouldn't we be looking for shelter?

This storm is looking more like a hurricane.

-I'm not gonna call off the search for Lex's antidote

because you forgot an umbrella.

Now buckle-- -[grunts]

-Rex? Rex? Aah!

-[suspense music plays]

-Aah!

-Run, you idiot!

-[grunts] -Aah!

-[gasps]

-[bolo whipping]

-[grunts]

-Aah!

Please! Please don't kill me.

-No.

-[lightning crashes]

-Let the storm kill you.

-Aah!

-Robobot? What are you working on?

-Nothing. Just cleaning up the shop.

-Don't lie to me, please.

-If Devizo can't make an antidote,

we have to have-- I'm sorry.

-Hey, don't be.

-It's a machine designed to kill you.

You know, a Plan B.

-[ominous music plays]

-There. One for me and one for you.

Now I call tell everyone we had a coffee date!

-[laughs] Right?

-A "coffee date"?

-Well, I was wondering, since Portia and I had a thing

and Zenith and I almost fornicated to save the world,

maybe there's something here worth exploring.

-The part of me that is Portia yearns for you.

-"Yearns." I like that.

-And the part of me who is Zenith

recoils at the idea of your snake-blade piercing my flesh.

-Slightly less encouraging.

-To achieve balance, there must be a... negotiation.

-Then let the negotiation begin!

-All right, let's see what you got.

-[lighter clicks]

-Ooh! You're still doing the brush fire thing.

-Oh, well, it was just the first thing out of the bag.

-Next! Patty, what do you got?

Okay.

I don't know what you think you're doing, but this is a kid's show.

Groaner, can you beat that?

-If I couldn't, we had a real pickle on our hands.

-[laughs] Well, Patty.

The Groaner sure did go out of his way

to upstage you and make you look bad.

Are you gonna take that?

-Oh, I don't know. I...

-Okay, stop.

We see what's going on here.

You're trying to use a spot on some stupid kid's show

to tear us apart.

Well, it's not going to work.

-Fine! This audition is over!

-W-Wait!

It'd be a shame not to share the art of mime with the world.

-And your agents aren't exactly blowing your phone up.

-Yeah, gonna let that one slide.

-We'll audition for you, but nothing is gonna get in the way of this.

-[laughs] We'll see.

-We'll see.

-[thunder crashes]

-Don't kill me! I...

-[thunder crashes]

-[sighs] Rex, Rex, wake up!

-Huh? -We're alive.

-[sneezes]

What the hell was that?

-You must have caught a cold. First one?

-Must be this power retardant messing with my Subtopian immune system.

-Rex, look!

-Why didn't you leave us to die?

-I don't know.

Pray to your god I figure it out.

-Devizo...

-[dramatic music plays]

-The serum.

-[grunts]

-[coughs] What did you do to me?

-Revealed your true selves.

A sick old man and a tinkerer without his gadgets.

-What we are at our weakest. that is truth.

Behind me are the spoils of the island--

food, weapons, paralysis discs used to harvest the villains that died here.

-I stand before you at my weakest,

no powers, weather-torn.

All you have to do is take it from me.

-[sneezes]

-Aah, you son of a bitch! Cover your mouth!

-I've never had a cold before.

-[singing] Snips, snails, puppy-dog tails.

Little boys are made of these.

But all these things are lame as hell

when you've got a dune buggy!

-You hear that, kids?

-It's time to learn about dune buggies!

-[children cheering]

-Now, dune buggies come with these stupid things

called "roll bars," which don't help you roll at all!

-What exactly are the children learning here?

-Let's give this motherfucker a haircut.

-You know, how you give a dune buggy a...haircut.

-Let's fire this thing up!

-[engine revs] -[tires screeching]

-[crashes]

-We've established that Portia would be open to dating me.

-She has a thing for incompetent men.

-Got that. Wrote it down.

Let's not repeat that again.

-But that part of me that is Zenith

recoils at the touch of a man.

-"Zenith requires a feminine touch."

-Of her own. She prefers her own.

-So if our theoretical relationship were to move to the lovemaking phase,

I would promise to don a womanly wig

and sing the songs of the Valkyrie to make Zenith happy

and would grow a chin strap, frost my tips,

and wear a beanie to get Portia's motor running.

Do we have a deal?

-I'm sorry, I desire a warrior true.

-"Warrior true"?

Try this on for size--

The Battle of the Bulge, our troops had no fuel, no ammo,

but I had my bayonet and a gut full of fire.

I charged with a devil's yell,

dodging Panzer shells and German insults--

a disgusting, guttural language, by the way.

By the time the day was through,

200 Germans had fallen by my blade.

-Anything else?

-I also spent that night siphoning fuel out of those Panzer tanks--

just me, a length of hose, and a side effect of my government augmentation--

lips and a tongue that are completely impervious to fatigue.

-We may just have a deal.

-Yeah, it's hard making a living as a prop comic.

I even answered an ad for a job at Chippendales,

but then I saw the application.

Thank you. Patty?

-[warbling]

-[laughing] Holy shit! How did you do that?

-What? -Climb those imaginary stairs!

-Oh, I have the gift of mimekinesis.

I can project hard-light holograms of things I mime.

-Since when? -Since always.

Did you think my superpower was painting my face and going to mime school?

-I guess I just-- -Never asked?

-This is amazing! Patty, you've got the job!

-Maybe The Groaner could be my assistant.

-Sorry. Only one slot.

Again, is this causes strain on your relationship,

my humblest apologies.

-[thunder crashes]

-Debbie, please.

If we don't get that power retardant,

I could lose my daughter forever.

-Your daughter?

The only one to ever best me in combat

and the reason I'm back on this island?

-He put you back on this island.

He's the enemy. -Excuse me?

-Your evil turned Debbie into that.

You're the reason we're here.

-Have you both forgotten?

I loved you, Debbie,

and you betrayed me by giving your heart to Rex.

You made me.

-Will you cut that shit out?

You were always a conniving little bastard.

-[knife slams]

-You're both wrong.

-[thunder crashes]

-Before this, before the island,

when I was Heartshine,

the Stone of Amour gave me the power to spread love,

unlocking tender feelings in those who needed it.

I saw in Dr. Devizo a man with great need for that love.

But as I use the stone more and more,

I noticed a change in Devizo.

He became bitter, jealous.

The man I loved disappeared before my eyes.

I retreated into the arms of another, and soon after,

I learned the Stone of Amour's terrible secret.

To spread love to one person,

I had to sap it from someone else.

Every time I used it's powers,

I was stealing love from Devizo.

I made you what you are, Donald,

not by sleeping with Rex, but by loving you.

It was monstrous, you stranding me on this island.

But you were a monster I created.

-[stone warbling]

-Aah!

Heartshine died that day,

and Debbie Devizo was born.

-No. That's not-- that can't be true.

-Lies are weapons for the weak, not for me.

-[coughing] Oh, God damn it.

-[grunts] Aah!

-Don't try that again.

-Yeah. Okay, sure. I'm cool.

-The quesadillas are almost done.

Can't you make yourself hotter, Liplor?

-You know, I'd really like to talk about script approval.

-When we come back,

a special guest will entertain you-- or some shit.

-[cheers and applause] -So... good luck.

-Do you really mean that?

-Well, what is that supposed to mean?

-Nothing.

-Well, uh, look, if you're feeling emotional,

I could go out there instead.

-Oh, to help me? Come on!

-[laughing] Oh, man! This is great.

-Hey, seriously. What's wrong?

-You didn't even know what my powers were.

-No coming back from that.

-No. No, I didn't.

I didn't need to.

-What? -What!

-I guess I didn't care what your powers were.

-You were smart, funny, mimed like a son of a bitch,

and you felt like someone that would understand me,

someone that could see me for who I am.

Why would I even be thinking about powers when... -[sobbing]

-When I already knew you were special?

-[Black Saturn sobbing]

-The hell is that?

There's a rhino fucking a platypus?

-I-I think you guys should go out there together.

The kids need to see this.

-[heroic music plays]

-Thank you.

Hello, kids!

I'm the Groaner, and if you'll excuse me,

I refuse to start a show without some fan-fare!

-[coins clinks]

-That was the fare, f-for the fan.

-[child coughs]

-You call that a fan?

-[powers humming] -[switch clicks]

-[wind howling]

-[laughing] -[applause]

-H-H-Hey, kids! Over here!

I've got some gags you can actually see!

-You're stepping on my bit.

-Television is a visual medium.

-[balloons squeaking] -A-rubbie-dubbie, tie the knot, and voila!

-[cheers and applause]

-Who wants to not see a real dinosaur?

-[cheers and applause]

-Uh, do you think that's a good idea?

-[power humming]

-[rumbling] -[T-Rex growling]

-[dramatic music plays]

-Aah! Mimes aren't so lame

when they're riding a Tyrannosaurus rex, are they?

-[heroic music plays] -[T-Rex roars]

-Holy shit!

-[screaming]

-Patty, l-let's take it down a notch, honey!

-It's gonna charge!

-[crashes] -Groaner: Holy shit!

-[dramatic note plays]

-All right! That's our show!

-I was just getting somewhere!

-Perhaps you were. Now we will never know.

-God damn it!

-How'd we do?

-You did over $100,000 in damage to the set.

You will never work for this network or any network again!

-This was you plan all along, wasn't it?

Ruin our careers and laugh at our pain,

just to make yourself feel better!

-No, I-I didn't. Honestly, I--

-Never talk to me again, ever! I hate you!

-[thunder crashes] -[eerie music plays]

-[muttering] No. No, no.

-This can't be right.

-What is the problem?

You just found out your turn to villainy wasn't your fault.

-That was my whole identity, man.

I'm an evil asshole! That's my thing!

-None of us have free will.

We are born into a storm, and the tempest shapes us.

-I shape things! I design evil plans.

-Your darkness is the absence of light

the Stone of Amour stole from you.

-That's supposed to make me feel better?

That your love was just a ploy

to siphon off whatever goodness you needed for others?

I am the puppet master! I am not a puppet!

-Donald, stop. It was real.

Before you were twisted, you loved me, and I loved--

-[electricity crackling] -[screaming]

-What the hell was that? We were having a moment.

-And I was focused on our mission--

getting this power retardant back to Lex.

Well, we can't leaver her here like this.

She's coming with us.

-Fine. I'm just glad things are finally going our way.

-[dramatic music plays]

-Be ready to move on my mark.

-You sure about this, Agony?

-Damn sure. Robobot doesn't know

we put a tracking device in him when he joined the League.

I cross-referenced his locations

with the component shipments I've been tracking,

and Robobot's been spending a lot of time in Dr. Devizo's lab.

We're about to find out what they've been hiding

since they got back from the future.

-[alarm blares] -Oh, no.

-[electricity crackles]

-Lex, we've got to go.

-[door crashes]

-[sparks hissing]

-Just what the hell has been going on in here?

-What do we do now?

-We run.

-[dramatic music playing]

-[chitters]

-[theme music plays]

-[monkey chatters] -Man: Stupid monkey.

-[paper tearing] -[monkey cry]

-[slap]

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