Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,010 --> 00:00:04,400
Chapter 10: Connor's money
could solve a lot of problems.
2
00:00:04,420 --> 00:00:07,420
Unfortunately, it couldn't
guarantee him success in love.
3
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:08,540
He'd recently been dumped,
4
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:10,610
but thankfully he had a foolproof plan
5
00:00:10,630 --> 00:00:11,849
for finding his next girlfriend.
6
00:00:11,850 --> 00:00:15,558
Lupe, could you grab that
box marked "cool hats"?
7
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,963
The one with the... the fedoras
and the fuzzy visors,
8
00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:20,062
and all the other cool hats?
9
00:00:20,070 --> 00:00:21,840
Look, my mistake with Lindsay
10
00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:24,233
was that I was trying too hard
to be someone I'm not.
11
00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,693
So I'm going back to the place
12
00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:30,260
where I've always had my best
romantic success, the club.
13
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,365
Noice!
14
00:00:31,370 --> 00:00:32,825
Ooh, which club?
15
00:00:32,830 --> 00:00:34,702
Noice. That's the name of the club.
16
00:00:34,710 --> 00:00:36,780
- Wait, what?
- No, Wait What is a club
17
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:37,830
on the east side.
18
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,541
Tom, do you want to come?
I need a wingman.
19
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:42,800
Tom... Sorry.
20
00:00:42,820 --> 00:00:45,330
- Me, Tom?
- I need another guy by my side,
21
00:00:45,350 --> 00:00:47,339
and you are my number-one guy.
22
00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:49,258
I'll go. I need a night out.
23
00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:51,440
I'm in this ongoing fight
with another room mom
24
00:00:51,470 --> 00:00:53,630
- from Camila's class.
- Kirsten again?
25
00:00:53,650 --> 00:00:55,139
- Uh, yeah. I've mentioned her before?
- A lot.
26
00:00:55,140 --> 00:00:56,682
- She comes up quite a bit.
- Yeah.
27
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,980
Cool, well, Lupe can babysit
28
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,227
she's been hounding me for extra hours.
29
00:01:00,230 --> 00:01:02,229
Can Sarah and I get in on this?
30
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,480
- Hmm?
- When was the last time
31
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:05,774
- we went out without the kids?
- We went out, like, two nights ago.
32
00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,568
You mean when we went
to CVS for lightbulbs?
33
00:01:07,570 --> 00:01:08,986
It's after sunset, so...
34
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,900
I don't know about a club.
I mean, it's always so loud.
35
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,960
There's nowhere to sit. I get headaches.
36
00:01:14,980 --> 00:01:16,952
And I have, like, a back thing.
37
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,720
Tom, we're gonna be rollin'
VIP the whole way.
38
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:22,420
Okay? I'm talking black
car, bottle service,
39
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,460
ample seating with lumbar support.
40
00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:26,100
Oh, yeah, well, I mean everyone's going.
41
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,520
Wow, Tom, he got you on lumbar support.
42
00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:32,300
Dope. I wanted a wingman,
I got a whole flight crew.
43
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,560
Why don't you guys, uh,
drop off the kids tonight,
44
00:01:35,580 --> 00:01:38,724
and we'll head to the spot around 9:00?
45
00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:41,143
- 9 o'clock?
- P.M.?
46
00:01:41,150 --> 00:01:43,743
You're right. That's way too early.
47
00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:46,482
- 10:00.
- Noice!
48
00:01:46,490 --> 00:01:47,775
Bam!
49
00:01:47,780 --> 00:01:50,760
? Hey, hey, hey, hey ?
50
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,600
God, I can't believe I agreed to this.
51
00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:57,284
I mean, you know I hate clubs.
52
00:01:57,290 --> 00:01:58,994
Just wear what you have on, Tom.
53
00:02:01,740 --> 00:02:03,540
The Kirsten drama continues, I see.
54
00:02:03,550 --> 00:02:05,600
You know what she wants
to get Camila's teacher?
55
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,490
- A succulent.
- Oh, no.
56
00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:10,130
Why don't you just give him cash?
57
00:02:10,140 --> 00:02:12,383
He doesn't run a butcher
shop in New Jersey, Tom.
58
00:02:12,390 --> 00:02:14,360
We don't slip teachers
envelopes of money.
59
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:16,220
We slip them gift cards.
60
00:02:16,230 --> 00:02:17,599
Then why don't you just
give him a gift card?
61
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,500
I would, but when Kirsten says,
62
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,833
"Gift cards are so impersonal, Marina,"
63
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,395
ooh, we really know what
she's really saying, right?
64
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,240
- [laughing] Right. Ugh.
- [sighs]
65
00:02:27,260 --> 00:02:28,779
But, uh, why don't you just
go ahead and tell me?
66
00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:30,730
That's she not just a
better "room parent,"
67
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,730
- she's a better parent parent.
- Ah...
68
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:34,380
I put so much effort into this,
69
00:02:34,410 --> 00:02:37,157
and all Kirsten does is criticize
and undermine me.
70
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,499
It's fine, okay? You don't have to care.
71
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:43,372
I do care. It's just that, you know,
I think a plant is a nice gift.
72
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,413
Well, it isn't.
73
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,792
Come on, I've gotten you tons of plants.
74
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,580
As a joke because they're
terrible, of course.
75
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,339
Yeah, bleh.
76
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,633
Sleepover at Uncle Connor's.
77
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:58,360
- Who's excited?
- Mom, clogs to the club?
78
00:02:58,380 --> 00:02:59,680
Yeah.
79
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:02,474
Clubs are filled with
maniacs and spike heels.
80
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,819
Plus, aren't clogs, like, in again?
81
00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:05,620
- In the trash maybe.
- That's mean.
82
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:08,000
Has anyone seen my
full-length denim skirt?
83
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:10,399
It's got a frog giving the peace
sign on the butt pocket.
84
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,693
You guys have gone out before, right?
85
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:15,180
[laughs] Please, Kel.
86
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,853
We were on a gay Frisbee
golf team in college.
87
00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:19,450
The Frisbea Arthurs.
88
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,826
[laughter]
89
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,329
I realize now that you're too
young to know that reference.
90
00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:27,200
Oh, oh, what was that insane
club that we used to go to,
91
00:03:27,210 --> 00:03:28,459
the one with the waterfall?
92
00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:32,249
Oh, that was, uh,
Rainforest Cafe at the mall.
93
00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:36,730
Oh, okay. Point is we partied,
but then we got married.
94
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,580
And then the two of you
came into our lives.
95
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:42,883
And now this is the
coolest club there is.
96
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,142
[soft music]
97
00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:47,144
?
98
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,479
Mmm.
99
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,750
Wow, Daddy, you look like that guy
100
00:03:50,770 --> 00:03:53,233
that talks about movies on hotel TVs.
101
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,111
Mario Lopez? Thanks, baby.
102
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,781
Here's that terrible thing
you asked me to make.
103
00:03:58,790 --> 00:04:00,073
What is that?
104
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,950
It's a mixture of Gatorade and espresso.
105
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,160
Hydrates as it caffeinates.
106
00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:06,450
Give you a little glow,
and then you're good to go.
107
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,410
[groans] Good to go.
108
00:04:11,420 --> 00:04:13,980
- Are you nervous, Daddy?
- Me? [chuckles]
109
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,048
Come on, Gretchen, am I ner... No.
110
00:04:16,050 --> 00:04:19,293
All right, Lupe. Hit me
with that body spray.
111
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:22,596
[electronic music]
112
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:27,000
?
113
00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:29,686
? Tsunami, jump ?
114
00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:33,100
All right, these wristbands
get you in and out of the VIP.
115
00:04:33,110 --> 00:04:36,050
- Do not lose them, okay?
- Do these go any tighter?
116
00:04:36,070 --> 00:04:38,040
Mine looks like it was made for a thigh.
117
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,579
That's just 'cause you
have little bird wrists.
118
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:41,400
I'll double-knot it for you, baby.
119
00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:43,940
?
120
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,661
? Jump ?
121
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:47,443
?
122
00:04:47,450 --> 00:04:49,800
Wow, this is the densest concentration
123
00:04:49,820 --> 00:04:51,291
of heterosexuals I've ever seen.
124
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,836
And I'm including both times I
went to the Vans Warped Tour.
125
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,850
Well, there has to be some gay people.
126
00:04:55,870 --> 00:04:57,381
I mean, this is San Francisco.
127
00:04:57,390 --> 00:04:59,280
Well, thankfully your mom
taught me her tricks
128
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,843
on how to identify lesbians.
129
00:05:00,850 --> 00:05:03,136
Although I'm not seeing
any corduroy vests.
130
00:05:03,140 --> 00:05:04,820
I'm Bianca, your server.
131
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,431
Let me know if you guys need anything.
132
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,219
Yeah, is there something
you can do about the music?
133
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:12,220
- It's pretty loud.
- Aw, you're cute.
134
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,898
I'll take extra care
of this one tonight.
135
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,650
I think she was flirting with you.
136
00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:18,650
- Because that's her job.
- Yuck.
137
00:05:18,670 --> 00:05:21,260
No, she's also here to make
sure we have a good time
138
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,479
and to round up dimes who are
gonna want to come over here
139
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:24,491
for free drinks.
140
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,030
I think dimes are perfect 10s.
141
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,580
Yuck again.
142
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,708
Okay, ladies, let's leave these
nickels here and take a lap.
143
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,860
Hey, I know you were joking about
looking out for my husband,
144
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,675
but could you look out for my husband?
145
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,011
You got it.
146
00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:46,800
Is this just the same song
over and over again?
147
00:05:46,820 --> 00:05:49,400
- Oh, yeah, wait for the...
- ? Tsunami, jump ?
148
00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:51,389
Love that.
149
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:53,340
I'm just gonna check in on our kids.
150
00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:54,396
Mm-hmm.
151
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,300
- Oh, my God.
- What?
152
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,601
- Something happen to your kids?
- Kirsten just texted me,
153
00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:00,319
"Marina, you seem busy.
154
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,946
Let me take this gift
thing off of your plate."
155
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:04,865
Plate emoji. Smiley face.
156
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:07,280
History's greatest monster.
157
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,119
We thought our children were dead.
158
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,360
She's trying to squeeze me out.
159
00:06:10,380 --> 00:06:13,498
It's the gym teacher's divorce
sympathy card all over again.
160
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,240
Okay, I work at a school,
161
00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,040
and this is what Day
Denise has to deal with.
162
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:18,921
Right now I'm Night Denise. Okay?
163
00:06:18,930 --> 00:06:22,220
Okay. Hey, Night Denise and
I are going to go dance.
164
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:23,819
- Do you want to join us?
- I'm just gonna convince her
165
00:06:23,820 --> 00:06:26,303
that she's wrong and we're
obviously gonna do the gift card.
166
00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:28,889
- Obviously. Okay.
- We'll see you out there.
167
00:06:28,890 --> 00:06:31,558
?
168
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,143
This isn't that bad.
169
00:06:33,150 --> 00:06:35,420
I kind of forget why I
was so down on clubs.
170
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,560
Incoming shorties, 9 o'clock.
Time to peacock.
171
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:38,607
Yeah, now I remember.
172
00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:41,652
- Hey, is it cool if we hang out?
- Yeah, sure.
173
00:06:41,660 --> 00:06:46,649
?
174
00:06:46,650 --> 00:06:50,369
I'll just kind of stand here.
I didn't want to sit anyway.
175
00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:53,330
So you guys been in
the VIP section before?
176
00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:55,165
[laughs] Yeah.
177
00:06:55,170 --> 00:06:56,180
Cool.
178
00:06:59,780 --> 00:07:03,340
So, uh, are you guys, like, uh, BFFs?
179
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:04,841
Or are you more, like, besties?
180
00:07:04,850 --> 00:07:06,693
[laughter]
181
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:07,761
We work together.
182
00:07:07,770 --> 00:07:10,940
Where? At, like, a hotness farm?
183
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,920
No, at an escrow company.
184
00:07:19,180 --> 00:07:21,360
So, uh, we're brothers.
185
00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:23,313
Yeah, hard to tell, though, right?
186
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:27,073
Like Captain America before
and after the super serum.
187
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,319
[laughter]
188
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,990
He's like the Rock,
and I'm like the twig.
189
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,035
[laughter]
190
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,621
Oh, you're so cute. I want
to, like, put you in my purse.
191
00:07:34,630 --> 00:07:37,659
- Well, I'd fit.
- [laughter]
192
00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:38,669
So what do you do?
193
00:07:38,670 --> 00:07:40,711
Tom's actually a professional nerd.
194
00:07:40,712 --> 00:07:43,797
Oh, well, yeah, I'm a writer.
195
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,799
Oh, like, uh, you write code?
196
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,630
No, he writes novels. If he wrote code,
197
00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:49,720
he might actually have
just a little bit of money.
198
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:50,971
[laughter]
199
00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:52,400
My boy is broke.
200
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:57,260
Straight. Straight.
201
00:07:57,270 --> 00:07:59,380
Doesn't know yet, but give it time.
202
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,270
Oh, look, undercut, nose ring.
203
00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:03,880
- They just kissed.
- Go, go, go.
204
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,737
?
205
00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:10,741
Um, excuse me? Are you
by any chance LGBT?
206
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:13,243
Uh, I prefer the term "queer," actually,
207
00:08:13,250 --> 00:08:15,746
but, uh, I mostly date women, so...
208
00:08:15,750 --> 00:08:18,832
- Yeah? Hey, us too. We're gay.
- Oh, word?
209
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,376
We were just wondering if
any of our people were here.
210
00:08:21,380 --> 00:08:24,046
- Well, you found us.
- Hey.
211
00:08:24,050 --> 00:08:27,499
- Denise, Sarah.
- Uh, I'm Mel. They're Jenna.
212
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:28,510
Oh, word?
213
00:08:30,860 --> 00:08:32,630
So, how long have you been together?
214
00:08:32,650 --> 00:08:34,890
Uh, we don't really use
the word "together."
215
00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:36,140
Oh, yeah. Neither do we.
216
00:08:36,150 --> 00:08:38,930
Yeah, we've been hanging
out, like... like, six weeks.
217
00:08:38,950 --> 00:08:40,228
How about you two?
218
00:08:40,230 --> 00:08:44,920
Oh, well, we've been hanging
out for, like, 15 years.
219
00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:46,620
We actually moved in
together at six weeks.
220
00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:49,529
- Oh, whoa.
- I guess we're a clich�.
221
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:52,460
Nah, you're cool, you know, old school.
222
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,980
- Like... like Sarah's shoes.
- [gasps] Thank you.
223
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,620
Ha! In your face, Shamiah.
224
00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:01,820
- Shamiah's our child.
- Oh.
225
00:09:02,740 --> 00:09:04,790
Unbelievable.
226
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:06,797
I bet.
227
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,466
I'm sorry, who are you?
228
00:09:09,470 --> 00:09:12,219
Oh, just a guy wondering
what could be on that phone
229
00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:14,304
to capture such a beautiful
woman's interest.
230
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,980
Well, if you really want to know,
231
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,479
I'm locked in a power struggle
with a mom at my kid's school.
232
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,144
And I will not stop until I win,
233
00:09:24,145 --> 00:09:26,140
because even though
Kirsten wears pigtails
234
00:09:26,170 --> 00:09:28,080
and I went to law school,
235
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,237
she still makes me feel like a failure.
236
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,490
- She called you a failure?
- The last thing she says was,
237
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:36,451
"What will $50 even
buy at the Nike Store?"
238
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:38,740
- That's cold.
- I keep typing witty responses
239
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:42,040
- and then deleting them. I...
- Oh, no, no, no, stop, stop.
240
00:09:42,050 --> 00:09:44,440
Don't type till you have
the perfect comeback.
241
00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:46,379
When she sees the dots, she's
gonna know that you're flailing,
242
00:09:46,380 --> 00:09:47,929
and people like Kirsten,
they love the dots.
243
00:09:47,930 --> 00:09:52,592
Wow. Okay, thanks.
That was actually really helpful.
244
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,095
I have a Kirsten, too. My stepdad.
245
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:58,540
And every Kirsten has a weak spot.
246
00:09:58,560 --> 00:09:59,766
What's Kirsten's?
247
00:10:01,110 --> 00:10:02,340
And then after college,
248
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,580
Tom moved back in with our parents.
249
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,773
A lot of people move
home after graduation.
250
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:09,276
But our dad had already
converted his room
251
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:11,600
into the model train room,
so Tom still flinches
252
00:10:11,620 --> 00:10:13,940
every time he hears
a whistle. [whistles]
253
00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:16,409
Well, at least I didn't cry when
Mom got rid of my big-boy bed.
254
00:10:16,410 --> 00:10:18,560
Tom cried at the end
of "50 First Dates."
255
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,240
- On a plane. I was on a plane.
- Okay.
256
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:22,359
So, no, there's less oxygen.
Your emotions get a little...
257
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,629
Why are we even talking about this?
258
00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:24,958
He's a little sensitive.
259
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,877
We're just tellin' stories, man, chill.
260
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,940
Okay, I got a story.
You guys like stories?
261
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,340
It's about a divorced jerk who's
trying to win women over
262
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:32,840
with an $800 bottle of vodka.
263
00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:36,460
Uh, we're gonna go to the bathroom.
264
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,014
We'll definitely be back, though.
265
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:42,434
What the hell, man?
266
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,811
What the hell yourself, man?
Why'd you even bring me here?
267
00:10:44,820 --> 00:10:46,229
I brought you here to be my wingman.
268
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:48,200
Really? Or do you just need some idiot
269
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:49,859
to treat like crap and
make yourself look better.
270
00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:52,277
That's literally what a wingman is, Tom.
271
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:53,819
I thought you might actually
want to help me out
272
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,489
and, I don't know, maybe
have a good time for once.
273
00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:57,300
You know what? Why don't
you have a good time.
274
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,867
Okay? All by yourself.
275
00:10:58,870 --> 00:10:59,960
Cool.
276
00:10:59,980 --> 00:11:03,780
?
277
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,880
My friends are just in the bathroom.
278
00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:08,293
I'm not here by myself.
279
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,253
"Marina, it's getting late.
280
00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:12,170
Should we continue this tomorrow?"
281
00:11:12,190 --> 00:11:14,040
Ah, no. Kirsten wishes.
282
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,780
I feel like we finally got
the drop on this sociopath.
283
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,304
Give me a napkin.
Let's workshop our reply.
284
00:11:19,310 --> 00:11:21,380
Sorry, I've been listening
for a while now,
285
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,689
and I don't think that's the play.
286
00:11:22,690 --> 00:11:24,100
Speak on that.
287
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:27,060
You need your responses to
be shorter than Kirsten's.
288
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,900
Here, look.
289
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,441
You want the ratio blue to
gray to fall in your favor.
290
00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:33,720
- It's a power move.
- God, I did not know that.
291
00:11:33,740 --> 00:11:34,819
Thank you.
292
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:37,300
My Kirsten is named Tammy,
and she's the reason
293
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,824
why you never meet a new
roommate under a pier.
294
00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:43,662
?
295
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:44,955
What are you guys doing later?
296
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,539
Later than this?
297
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:50,440
Yeah, we're heading to this, like,
huge queer warehouse rave thing.
298
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,712
- Do you want to come?
- Yeah, sure.
299
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,547
Great. We'll meet you out front.
300
00:11:55,330 --> 00:11:57,175
Okay. [giggles]
301
00:11:57,180 --> 00:11:59,552
- A warehouse party?
- Why not?
302
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,009
I don't know, because we're at the age
303
00:12:01,010 --> 00:12:03,360
where the best part about
going out is going home.
304
00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:06,440
- I miss our bed.
- Right, sure, but...
305
00:12:06,470 --> 00:12:09,380
you and me, we settled down very young.
306
00:12:09,410 --> 00:12:10,800
And I wouldn't change a thing,
307
00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:16,270
but we kind of skipped over our
huge queer warehouse rave days.
308
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:21,780
Okay. Fine. Let's go party.
309
00:12:21,790 --> 00:12:23,285
[both laugh]
310
00:12:23,290 --> 00:12:25,030
Besides, these shoes
were made for dancing.
311
00:12:25,050 --> 00:12:27,019
They were actually made for
nurses working a double,
312
00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:30,583
- but, yes, let's go party.
- Let's party!
313
00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:34,004
Oh, no, you're not leaving, are you?
314
00:12:34,010 --> 00:12:36,500
Yeah, I kind of have a headache.
315
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,419
And it turns out my brother
only brought me along
316
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:40,593
as his personal punching bag.
317
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:41,610
I'm sorry.
318
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:44,700
Well, my job is to make
sure you have a good time.
319
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,199
Let me give you something for your head.
320
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,460
Oh, thank you so much.
You're a lifesaver.
321
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,180
?
322
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,690
Hey, was it aspirin or an ibuprofen?
323
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:55,750
I'm only asking 'cause, no big deal,
324
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,440
- but aspirin gives me reflux.
- I can't hear you.
325
00:12:58,460 --> 00:13:01,698
- What did you just give me?
- It was ecstasy.
326
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,900
Wait, what? You're kidding, right?
327
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,169
That wasn't just ecstasy, was it?
328
00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:07,199
It was aspirin.
329
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,660
What?
330
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,160
She said it was.
331
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:14,760
Oh, no.
332
00:13:14,780 --> 00:13:17,130
Oh, my God, she wanted
me to have a good time.
333
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:19,500
Whoa, are you joking?
334
00:13:19,510 --> 00:13:21,380
You just let me in there. I'm VIP.
335
00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:22,390
I don't see a bracelet.
336
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:27,140
Oh, no. Stupid bird wrists.
337
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,354
?
338
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:37,442
"Web M.D., effects of ecstasy."
339
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,880
And my phone's dead. I knew it.
340
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,197
I should've brought my phone
charger with me to the club.
341
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:43,740
?
342
00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:47,239
Hey, uh, sweaty guy.
343
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,280
- What's up, bro?
- Can you tell me what happens
344
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:52,290
when you take, uh, ecstasy?
345
00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:54,660
Oh, man, you're in for a treat.
346
00:13:54,670 --> 00:13:59,670
It starts with some mild confusion,
teeth grinding, sweatiness.
347
00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:01,049
Yeah, how is that a treat?
348
00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:03,510
Then you feel ecstasy.
349
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,520
Okay, well, I'm definitely
feeling confused,
350
00:14:06,540 --> 00:14:08,440
a little sweaty.
351
00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:10,240
Teeth aren't doing too great.
352
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:13,478
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I'm on ecstasy.
353
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,540
You'll be okay, man.
Just give in to the night.
354
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,760
?
355
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,860
Yeah, I don't know how to do that.
356
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,760
Hey, just ran into your brother.
357
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,449
- Hope he's okay.
- Why? Was he journaling?
358
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,820
No, but he looked miserable.
359
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,995
I gave him an extra-strength aspirin.
360
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,664
That can't be good for his reflux.
361
00:14:32,665 --> 00:14:35,750
Mm, hey, you're back.
Thought you ditched me.
362
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,544
What? Why would I ditch you?
363
00:14:37,550 --> 00:14:41,020
Ah, you just came back for the phone.
364
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,633
- No, I, um...
- Want to have another drink?
365
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:49,264
I officially have no idea where we are.
366
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:50,920
So, uh, I hate to ask,
367
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:52,973
but what time is Shamiah's
cheerleading tomorrow?
368
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:55,520
- In about five hours.
- Oh, so it's already tomorrow.
369
00:14:55,530 --> 00:14:57,981
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God, I love this song.
370
00:14:57,990 --> 00:15:00,580
Wow, Jenna, we get it. You're poly.
371
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,739
You have to flirt with the
driver right in front of me?
372
00:15:02,740 --> 00:15:05,560
The driver? God, no.
Are you even a Marxist?
373
00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:09,149
Her name is... Kia Sorento.
374
00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:11,119
- [hiccups]
- Are you gonna vom?
375
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,179
- Oh, please don't.
- Especially since we called the car
376
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,747
and there's a big fee if you vom.
377
00:15:14,750 --> 00:15:17,250
I dry-heave a lot, but
I rarely wet-heave.
378
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:18,280
[hiccups]
379
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,923
?
380
00:15:23,930 --> 00:15:25,480
I can get through this.
381
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,800
I can get through this.
I just need to find Marina.
382
00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:31,290
Go straight to the hospital
and then, I guess, rehab.
383
00:15:32,650 --> 00:15:36,769
God, I really can't let go, even
when I'm rolling my face off.
384
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:40,120
?
385
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,820
? This, this, this, this,
this, this, this, this ?
386
00:15:43,850 --> 00:15:47,350
? This, this, this, this,
this, this, this, this ?
387
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:52,820
?
388
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,820
? Drop, drop, drop the bass ?
389
00:15:54,840 --> 00:16:01,336
?
390
00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:02,462
You're feeling it!
391
00:16:02,470 --> 00:16:04,589
- I'm feeling it, man!
- Yeah!
392
00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:07,300
- Get him up. Get him up.
- Whoa.
393
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,420
?
394
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,120
I'm giving in to the night!
395
00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:13,550
[laughs]
396
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,726
And after my HUD-1 form
was approved, I closed.
397
00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:18,561
Yeah, that's pretty standard.
398
00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:20,230
That's the end of my escrow stories.
399
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,356
Well, you had a lot.
400
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,358
Yeah, sorry. You probably
deal with this all day.
401
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,660
Listen, you can... you can go.
You don't have to hang.
402
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:29,239
- I-I'd rather fly solo anyways.
- I-I-I didn't mean...
403
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,840
I just... I haven't been
to the club in so long.
404
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,220
You know, I think I just
kind of forgot how to...
405
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,449
how to do this.
406
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:36,871
- Can I make a suggestion?
- Yeah.
407
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,915
Even escrow people don't
want to talk about escrow.
408
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,720
- I get that.
- And...
409
00:16:40,740 --> 00:16:42,001
maybe lay off your brother.
410
00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:44,837
Tom seems like a nice guy.
411
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,220
He is a nice guy.
412
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,000
Okay, I'm gonna say it.
413
00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:51,678
It's time to turn on read receipts.
414
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,840
- Now? Won't that seem weird?
- No, no way.
415
00:16:54,860 --> 00:16:57,433
Let her see that we got her
text and that we don't care.
416
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:59,810
Ooh, I got it. I have a killer response.
417
00:16:59,830 --> 00:17:02,099
Does she wear a hat? Because it
only works if she wears a hat.
418
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:05,358
Oh, my God, that's my husband.
419
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,040
?
420
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,029
Tom's having the time of his life.
421
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,320
Tom!
422
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:15,034
- And what am I doing?
- Um, defeating Kirsten.
423
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,203
Yeah, and through her,
defeating all our Kirstens.
424
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,389
You guys don't know my husband,
425
00:17:18,390 --> 00:17:22,980
but if he's having a blast
at a club and we're not,
426
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,540
then our Kirstens have already won.
427
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,258
?
428
00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:31,500
Tom?
429
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,559
All right, so you don't get
the actual, like, address
430
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,265
of a warehouse party until five
seconds before the doors open.
431
00:17:37,270 --> 00:17:39,930
[hiccups] Ooh, could you
stop braking so hard?
432
00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:42,687
- It's not helping my heaves.
- Don't tell Kia how to drive.
433
00:17:42,690 --> 00:17:45,732
- Stop defending her.
- Stop controlling me.
434
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,280
- Oh!
- Jenna!
435
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,527
Are they okay?
436
00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:50,737
Did I manifest that?
437
00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:52,200
I think they're fine.
438
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:53,999
They just got in line at
the grilled cheese truck.
439
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,120
- I'm never gonna find love.
- Oh, sure you will.
440
00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:59,780
Oh. [vomits]
441
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,623
It just takes time.
442
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,830
Unless you're really, really lucky.
443
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,254
I'm actually cool with
how we spent our youth.
444
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:10,673
- I don't miss... that.
- [vomits]
445
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:15,250
Yeah, you know, even though
we did miss our 20s,
446
00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:16,819
the good thing about being young parents
447
00:18:16,820 --> 00:18:19,932
is that our 50s are gonna slap.
448
00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:21,160
I love you...
449
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,728
and our kids and our bed.
450
00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:25,980
If we leave right now,
we can see that bed.
451
00:18:25,990 --> 00:18:27,982
I can see the party. We made it.
452
00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:29,859
Uh, I think we're actually
gonna head home.
453
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,940
- Yeah, you have fun, though.
- Okay.
454
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,320
- Okay.
- If you're sure.
455
00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:34,529
- Yeah, we are.
- We're sure.
456
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,865
Okay. Oh, my... Okay.
457
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,993
? I was made for lovin' you, baby ?
458
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,320
Tom, I've never seen you like this.
459
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:43,122
I've never seen you like this.
460
00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:46,380
You're so beautiful.
461
00:18:46,410 --> 00:18:47,835
God, I don't tell you that enough.
462
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:52,860
? Can you get enough of me? ?
463
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,750
- Hey, let's go home.
- Yeah.
464
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:58,930
Oh, no, Connor.
465
00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:01,510
I can't leave him here
like this. Look at him.
466
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,140
He's so beautiful.
467
00:19:03,170 --> 00:19:05,561
God, I don't tell him that enough.
468
00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:07,188
Tom, what's wrong with you?
469
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:09,982
I'm on drugs, and I love you.
470
00:19:09,990 --> 00:19:11,300
Wait, what?
471
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,289
No, that's another
club on the east side.
472
00:19:14,290 --> 00:19:17,080
? And I can't get enough of you, baby ?
473
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:18,989
No bracelet, no entry.
474
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:21,369
- Tom, what are you doing?
- I'm being your wingman.
475
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:22,619
Wait, he's with me.
476
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,420
? You were made for lovin' me ?
477
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,950
- ? Can you get enough of me? ?
- Oh, okay.
478
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,085
- Hey.
- Hey.
479
00:19:29,090 --> 00:19:31,000
I know why you're making fun of me.
480
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:33,340
- It's okay. I'm not mad at you.
- You're not?
481
00:19:33,350 --> 00:19:36,340
No. Look, I always think
of you as being so rich
482
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,503
and good-looking that...
483
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,280
I don't think you can be insecure,
but when I do that,
484
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:46,160
- it's like I'm not seeing you.
- It's just, trying to date after so long,
485
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:47,820
it's got me all in my head.
486
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,779
You know, and you started
making all those girls laugh.
487
00:19:49,780 --> 00:19:52,820
- I-I felt like I had to put you down...
- No. Shh.
488
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,760
- Oh, okay.
- It's my fault.
489
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:59,198
I should've been your wingman
helping you soar to the sun.
490
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:02,493
Instead, I was blocking out your light.
491
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:03,870
What are you talking about?
492
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,623
Look, it's my fault. I shouldn't
have treated you like that.
493
00:20:07,630 --> 00:20:08,749
Come here.
494
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,084
Oh.
495
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,830
- All right.
- Okay, how's he doing?
496
00:20:12,850 --> 00:20:13,963
Little handsy.
497
00:20:13,970 --> 00:20:15,580
I just talked to the waitress,
498
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:19,510
and she gave Tom an aspirin,
but he thinks he's on drugs.
499
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,353
- That explains a lot.
- Wingman for life, right?
500
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:26,040
[laughter]
501
00:20:28,580 --> 00:20:30,700
[upbeat dance music]
502
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,283
Club Lupe, can I get a vibe check?
503
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:35,860
[all cheering]
504
00:20:35,870 --> 00:20:37,236
So Kirsten just gave up?
505
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,680
Yeah. I guess ignoring her worked.
506
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:41,730
I woke up to, like, 1,000 messages.
507
00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:44,869
The last one said, "You win.
Let's do the gift card."
508
00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:45,989
Oh, yes.
509
00:20:45,990 --> 00:20:47,480
Now comes the tough part...
510
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:49,165
approval from the booster committee.
511
00:20:49,170 --> 00:20:50,750
Nope. Mm-mm.
512
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,710
So that's it? You're
just done with clubs?
513
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,838
I think I was just trying
to force the dating thing.
514
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,100
- Mm.
- I just need to move at my own speed,
515
00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:01,709
and right now that speed is Club Lupe.
516
00:21:01,710 --> 00:21:02,720
?
517
00:21:02,730 --> 00:21:06,940
Lupe, Lupe, fresh beats, so yeet.
518
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,560
Do me a favor, can you play
"Like A G6" after this?
519
00:21:09,580 --> 00:21:11,100
_
520
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,480
You're an artist. I respect that.
521
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:16,120
?
522
00:21:16,140 --> 00:21:18,820
All right, all right, get on
up on the dance floor.
523
00:21:18,850 --> 00:21:22,000
- Come on, show us what you got.
- [girls scream]
524
00:21:22,020 --> 00:21:23,380
Oh, oh.
525
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,149
Here it is.39303
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.