Original subtitles

♪ So what if you

♪ can't touch the sky

♪ it doesn't mean

♪ you shouldn't try

♪ do you wanna fly?

♪ Ooh-ooh, do you wanna fly? ♪

I'd hate to have to choose between my mum and dad.

Why are you making me then?

Cos it's no' a decision we can make for you.

I don't want to choose between yous.

There's no way round it hen.

Unless you run away and join the foreign legion.

What's she daein' here?

She is here to see her daughter.

Well you've seen her.

She can shut the door behind you when you're leaving.

What was she wanting?

I think she's found a new flat.

I hope you telt her what she could do with it.

Can yous not just sort things out?

After what she done?!

I just want things back the way it used to be.

We're managing fine without her.

Don't talk shite!

They're like wheelie bins wi' pea shooters.

They can't even go up and down the stairs.

The new generation can hover.

Big fucking deal.

They're still as slow as a week in the jail.

Tracy, who would win, robocop or a dalek?

Robocop. Telt you.

A load of pish.

What's up wi' your wee face?

My ma's getting a new flat and wants me to move in wi' her.

What are you gonna dae?

I don't know.

Don't move. Get yer ain place.

Wi' whit?

Get a council flat.

That takes years.

No. Not if you're up the duff.

I'm not getting pregnant to get a flat!

Just kid on you're pregnant.

(Giggles)

What d'ye think, rab?

D'y wanna be the da?

That supposed to be fucking funny?

I just feel useless.

What's the point?

Come here.

Look, they're getting a chance we never had.

You should be happy for them.

I am happy for them, I just...

I'm going to miss them, that's all.

(Door opens)

Chrissake, you got enough bubble wrap there?!

You all right, ma?

Yeah. Fine.

Listen, we've got something to tell you.

We've decided to come to Manchester wi' you.

Seriously?

It's a big three bedroom house. There's plenty of room.

(Laughs) See your faces!

(All laugh)

Phone rings

knock on the door

eh...

I've been thinking.

It's been a while since we've done anything together.

Fancy going to the zoo?

The zoo?!

Aye, take a wee picnic wi' us, go see the penguins.

I said I'd go to town wi' my ma tomorrow.

Awright, aye. Fair enough.

Phone rings

Kyle, gonnae stop phoning me, I've got nothing to say to you.

What the fuck is this?!

Oh no, no!

Jake, Jake!

Have you seen my book?

What book?

My grass book. My plants are all turning yellow!

Nothing to do wi' me, is it?

I never said it wis!

What do you mean it's got nothing to do wi' you?!

It hasnae.

But why would I think it was?!

Just saying in case you thought I'd done something

to get back at you for shagging Ruth.

What'd you dae to my plants Jake?

Nothing, honest...

Nothing my arse! That's why you're smoking that shitty council hash again!

Just tell me what you did to the plants, Jake.

I... peed on them.

You what?!

I was angry at you, wasn't I?!

Could you not just kick me in the baws?

I'm a lover not a fighter.

You're a fucking arsepiece.

Get aff that computer, I need to use it.

Here's to you, wee man.

Cheers.

I hope I'm daein the right thing moving doon here.

If it disnae work I'm back to square one.

You cannae go through life worrying about what might happen if things go tits up.

You invited Carol to this shindig here?

Says she couldnae make it.

Was that before or efter you said I wasn't gonna be there?

That would be efter. It's a messy business, splitting up.

I'm seriously thinking about hanging up my spurs.

How are they?

Nae change.

I wisnae trying to kill them.

Whit were you trying tae dae?!

It was...

..Symbolic.

I acted to express my contempt for you.

You been reading my Jean-Paul sartre again?

I thought piss was supposed to be full of minerals and nutrients anyway.

Aye, if you're pissing baby bio, maybe!

You know it's not just me you've fucked up the arse;

if they plants die, Ibiza is right out the windae.

Hiya.

What's this?

I'm thinking about joining.

(Laughs)

Ma, I'm serious.

You're not joining the army!

You cannae stop me.

You're too young!

You can join when you're 16.

Aye, but you need the permission of both parents.

No' if they're separated.

Just the wan you live wi'.

There's no way your dad's going to let you join.

Aye, we'll see.

Tracy, wait!

See you later, ma.

♪ From you there comes a light

♪ it shines so bright

♪ tonight I'm yours

♪ you've got the special love

♪ it turns me on

♪ I'm yours tonight

♪ come on, come on make your move ♪

music stops

I've just had your mother on the phone.

Aye, well I was gonnae tell you.

Are you aff your heid?! The army, at your age?

Look, I just want to dae something wi' my life.

Aye, throw it away by the sounds of things.

What if they send you to Iraq?

You'll get yoursel' killed.

I could get killed crossing the road!

You don't just wake up one morning and decide to join the army.

It's no' something you rush into, hen.

I'm not rushing into it!

You're no' joining the army and that's it!

Tracy!

I'll make a deal wi' you hen.

You'll be 17 in a couple of months.

If you still want to join, I'll sign the papers for you.

Why should I have to wait?

Take it or leave it.

Fish suppers!

Heard the news?

What news?

About wee Jimmy and Claire.

What about them?

They're moving to Manchester.

They're whit?!

When?!

Dunno. Must be soon, the leaving party's tomorrow.

You've heard then.

Could you not have told me?

What good would that do?

I've got a right to know.

You've got nae rights.

I thought I already explained that.

When do they go?

First thing Sunday morning.

You shoulda told me!

Son!

Don't dae anything stupid, eh?

Your fish supper's getting cold.

Shut the fuck up Jake.

Look at this place.

It's a shithole! Hey!

Frank...

Did you speak to her?

And?

I managed to talk her out of it.

Thanks.

I'm sorry, frank.

I really am.

Aye, So am I (!)

Door slams

you lost the plot?!

I don't want to be stuck here for ever like my ma.

She's not been further than inverness.

If you want to join the army, go for it - there's fuck all to stay for.

He just wants to see you in uniform.

When you get it, gies a shout and I'll gi' you a nice big shiny helmet to go wi' it.

Shut up!

You goin' to this party the night?

I wasnae invited. Yous going?

Fuckin' right, we're going.

Oh-ho!

Hello?

Hi, it's frank, fae the fairmile flats.

Hiya.

Your number got smudged, I couldnae read it. Had to get it off the guy at the takeaway.

♪ Dance music ģ

music continues

Wolf whistle

she was wanting some o' me. No, she wasnae.

She was - did you no' see that look she gave me? What, disgust?

She was probably lusting at me. Both: Eh?!

I've already had one lesbian after me, she's probably another one.

I love lesbians!

Eddie: I don't know any o' these people.

You're just gettin' old.

Whit's he doin' here?

Shut up!

Eddie: Want me to get rid o' him?

We'll no' have to see him again after tonight. You sure?

Hold that.

I'm burstin' for a Michael knight.

Right, I better put a muzzle on your ma, ok?

Jimmy, I'm sorry.

Alice, that rab Campbell's here but just leave it; Claire said leave it.

D'you want another beer? Aye, ok.

Who's that wi' Alice? Thought you were hanging up your spurs.

As they say, fall off a horse, get straight back in the saddle. So who is she?

A workmate of Claire's.

She's been mentally undressing me. She married?

Does it matter?! It might.

Depends what size her man is.

Aagh, ya wanker! You watch yoursel'

(slow music) ♪ who knows when the night has gone?

♪ And the world is quiet

♪ love like ours will still go on... ♪

cannae dae that wi' a doner kebab, eh? (Laughs)

I think you should let me blindfold you.

Is that no'...A bit kinky?

Only if I do it right.

They say if you remove one of your senses the others become more heightened.

Oh!

Oh!

Can you just excuse me a wee second?

I was just hauding it for rab.

Aye, right. Listen, I'm glad you changed your mind about the army.

I've no' changed my mind. But your dad said he talked you out of it.

No, he said I could join when I'm 17.

At ease, soldier!

Was it something I said?!

Are you looking for frank?

Eh...

No! No!

I'll erm...

No, does... Doesn't matter.

Right.

You're in luck, she's no' married.

I'm no' really sure if she's my type. She's breathing! Very funny (!)

Oh, bloody hell, Jimmy... I think I've overcooked them.

No' on the carpet, Tex!

What you worried about? You're moving to Manchester in the morning. So I am!

Put these in the bin, eh?

A'right?

What's wrang?

I think frank's found a girlfriend.

Hey!

See you,

you better look after the pair of them cos if you don't,

I will come down on the next train

and I will kick your backside!

Oi!

Your ma just tried to slip me the tongue!

How much have you had to drink?

I know he's no' your real da...

..But you're better aff wi' Jimmy.

He'll look efter you right.

Keep you out of trouble.

I can't even look efter myself.

If I was your da, you'd have nae future.

You could end up a lapdancer.

Or a traffic warden or something.

How long have you known?

A month or two.

Who told you?

My ma?

Is she really mine?

I'll tell her when she's old enough to understand.

Good party!

Aye.

Music's a bit loud though. Eh?

Music's a bit loud!

Would you want to go somewhere... Quieter?

Some other time maybe, eh?

Have you seen rab?

No.

She's no' a lesbian.

Door creaks

I've been looking for you.

What's up, eh? You look sad.

You can tell me.

It's nothing.

I'm just a bit fed up.

What's that for?

Just felt like it.

A'right, come on. Let's go.

Where?

Your place?

Whit for?

A game of soldiers.

Left, right, left right, left right!

(Giggles)

(Both laugh)

Who are you?

What d'ye mean who am I, it's my flat. Who are you?

Better take a look at this then, son.

The room was full of plants, I saw them.

Do you see any plants now?

Nothing in here, boss.

You can still smell them!

What d'you want me to do?

Charge him with possession of a smell? Anything?

Nothing to get excited about.

Ok, let's go! We've wasted enough time.

There must be something you can charge him wi'!

Hey! Ow!

I'll be watching you.

Oh, Kyle.

Watch this.

(Laughs)

What happened to your plants?

I had to throw them out. Jake pissed on them.

Cheering

♪ gonna call my friends and start myself a party

♪ gonna go all night till the morning sun

♪ give us 48 hours, gonna have some fun... ♪

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