Original subtitles

♪ So what if you

♪ can't touch the sky

♪ it doesn't mean

♪ you shouldn't try

♪ do you wanna fly?

♪ Ooh-ooh, do you wanna fly? ♪

TV on loud: "What is she going to do, I dread to think...

"Lapdancer..."

"Bring her down here..."

"Oh, baby!"

Loud cheering

oh, what time is it?

I know this isn't what you want to hear...

..But shouldn't we be putting him into a home?

We can manage.

We can't watch him 24 hours a day.

I'm not putting him intae a home.

Just trying to think what's best for him.

I'll decide what's best for him. Just leave it, Alice.

(TV noise continues)

(Turns TV off)

Come on, da.

Go to your bed, eh?

Here.

Come on.

See you later, Finlay.

Another satisfied customer.

You want to see some of the crazy shit people are selling on here.

Like whit?

False teeth... glass eyes... Colostomy bags...

Whit, new ones?

No. Who'd want a second hand colostomy bag?!

People buy anything! Someone's selling a turnip that looks like Camilla Parker-bowles.

140 quid that's bidding.

How much would I get for my body?

As a rent boy?!

Ma deid body, knob end!

Highest bidder gets it when I snuff it.

What if you get one of they haemophiliacs? Shagging the deid bodies.

That's necrophiliacs. Them as well, cannibals.

Imagine a cannibal pumpin' ye.

I wouldnae care, I'd be deid.

What's all this in aid of?

I'm sorry for chewin' your heid off last night.

I know you meant well, but I cannae just pack him off to some home.

You've got to stop blaming yourself, Eddie.

If he'd have stood by you instead of turning his back on you, things might have been different.

You'd better read this.

"Dear miss Collins, I'm writing to inform you that you have been named as a former sexual partner of..."

Syphilis?!

Don't look at me. I'm as clean as a whistle.

You're missing the point. If I've got it, then so do you.

Jake: These chat rooms are brilliant.

Fuck the chat rooms, has anybody put a bid in for me yet?

No' yet.

(Sexual frustration).

Who are you talking to?

Do you not see enough of her when she's here?

Want to go out the night?

Me, you, her and a pal.

Who's her pal?

Bet she's a hound.

Edwina.

Definitely a ho-oo-ou-uuu-nd!

Too fussy.

I just got standards.

When we meeting them?

Tex: What's the symptoms good buddy? Come back.

Static

can you repeat? Come back.

Alright?

Janet? What do you know about syphilis?

I know I don't want it. Why?

Gwen was round, some guy she was seeing has been... treated for it.

Oh, right? You'd better go and see a doctor.

My doctor's a woman. I'm no' getting ma bits out for a woman.

Ask to see a man!

I'm not letting a man touch it.

Tex, you're going to have to let somebody hae a look at it.

Wait and see if she gets it first.

Anybody want a beer?

I'll have one. Edwina?

Any lemonade?

Cheers, mate (!) What for?

For setting me up wi' Mary poppins in there.

No' liking her then, nah?

You'd think somebody that drank lemonade all night'd have a bit mair sparkle.

She's not ugly, is she?

An ugly bird might have shagged me, I've nae chance wi' her.

Mr o'Neil? What's going on?

Aw, you've no', have ye?

No, I've not.

We got a report of a missing person. An elderly woman.

Apparently she's been missing for several days?

Does the name Irene Forsyth mean anything to you?

Aye, that's my mother's maiden name.

But she's been deid 11 years.

My da.

Oh, Jesus.

My old man's a bit wandered. It must have been him that phoned you.

We could charge him with wasting police time.

Are you joking?!

Do you see me laughing?

He's an old man, for Christ's sake.

Where the hell did they get you?

Ok, that's enough! Everybody calm down.

You, go wait in the car. Ye bloody animal, ye!

Look, go check on my da.

Is it Alzheimer's? Your father?

Aye.

My mother had it.

It's hard work, eh?

He doesnae know whether he's coming or going.

Still thinks he's in Manchester.

He keeps on at me to take him down the arndale centre.

He was meant to meet my ma there. When she didnae show, he went home.

Found her dead in the hall. Sounds like he's blocked it out.

My mother was the same.

Half the time, she didn't even know who I was.

If I get to that stage, I hope somebody sticks a pillow over my face.

I know a few guys in the jail would be glad to help you out with that!

Good night.

Doctor looks at it, says, "I'm sorry son, you've got three weeks to live."

Guy's like "whit?! I've only got a lettuce stuck up my arse!"

The guy's like "that's only the tip of the iceberg!"

That's a good yin!

I don't... get it.

An iceberg's a type of lettuce.

I know but... I still don't get it.

Why's he got one up his arse?

Anybody want another beer?

No, we're gonna go in the room now.

Aye, aye.

Gonnae get us up?

(She giggles)

Night night!

So do you go to church? Fancy a game of...?

How the hell did he manage that?

How do you think?

He's been smoking in bed again, fell asleep.

Oh, Christ almighty.

This isnae working out, is it?

No.

Er...

..Just you go on rab, I've forgotten something.

It's alright, I'll hold it. No, it's alright, I could be a while.

What you daein'?

Rab was in the lift.

Every time I see him I think he knows about Chloe.

Don't be daft. If he knew, he'd say something.

The last couple of times I've met him he's been a bit funny wi' me.

Do you not just think it's your imagination?

What's he like wi' you? Same as usual, talkin' shite.

I'm so stressed out wi' all this.

I wish we could get away fae here.

Why don't we?

Are you serious?

Here's no' big enough for us anyway.

Where will we go?

You want me to make my mind up right now?

I'll phone you when I get to work. Ok. You can tell me then!

Away you go.

See you later.

(Oh god, where's he going?!) Paddy!

Where you going, paddy?

Where you going?

I was just going in to town to...

(Sighs)

..To meet Irene.

I said I'd give her a hand with the shopping.

Let's wait for Eddie and all go down. She'll be waiting.

Look, he's only going to be ten minutes!

He's just gone down for a paper.

Come on, I'll make you a nice wee sandwich.

I don't want a nice wee sandwich!

Ah, get off!

God. Are you ok?

What's going on? Alice!

Rab, I've got a bid! I've got a bid for ye.

How much? Three fifty. Nice one.

I'll maybe get mysel' one of they wee iPods.

Three pound fifty. What? That's fuckin' shite.

Need to see about that turnip. Went for £400 in the end.

What kind of turnip'd be worth mair than me!?

Make soup out of turnip.

Fancy going to Ibiza?

Dae a bit of clubbin'.

I don't know. Might ask Ruth if it's alright.

Why d'you need to ask her for?

She might not like me going.

Fuck her! She doesnae like it she knows what to do.

Time is it?

Twenty past two.

She should be back by now.

How's your head?

Thumping.

Want me to get you anything? There's paracetamol in the drawer.

Time is it?

(Sighs) Still twenty past two.

What's keeping her?

Maybe I should go and look for her, eh?

She might still be waiting for me.

For Christ's sake da, sit on your bloody arse!

Oh...

He's got a temper on him, eh?

Hey... is that what happened to your eye, hen? Did that bugger hit you?

(Jesus god).

Ah! Tex!

(Laughs) God!

Are you drunk?

Honkin'. What of it?

Let's go to bed.

You've got to be joking.

I'll wear a condom.

You can laminate it for all I care! What's up?

When you were wi' him you were over me like a rash.

Nice choice of words when you might hae syphilis.

Away and fuck yourself. It'd be safer than fuckin' you!

Don't want to sleep wi' me, you can find somewhere else to stay.

Alright, I'll pack my bags then. Aye, dae that.

I'm away to ma bed.

If er...

..Change your mind, you know where to find me.

(Burps)

Look...

..Ma ma's not coming back.

I came down for the funeral. Do you no' remember?

Oh, aye.

Have you spoken to her?

Hey, hey... where's that big Christmas tree we had up?

(Sobs) Fuck's sake, da.

It's alright son, come on.

We'll get another one.

Can you believe it? I've never done nothing!

(All chatter)

Show us your tits, darlin'.

Chill out, she's got enough for everyone.

Speak to her like that again, I'll jail you.

Aye right, who the fuck are you, Clint Eastwood?

Kyle, just leave it.

Aye, do what you're telt, Kyle.

Ah, ya fuckin' wanker.

Little shite.

I don't know why you let him bother you, he's just a daft wee boy.

I bet you were the exact same at his age. I was brought up to respect people.

His mother and father are probably lying drunk somewhere.

Should have to take a test before you're allowed kids.

And what if you fail it? You get sterilised.

That not extreme?

No, half of them don't even want kids, they're too stupid or lazy to use contraception.

Like my ma and da, you mean? What?

My ma was only 15 when she had me.

I'll see you later, Kyle.

Oh, fuck.

Right da, that's me away.

Away where?

I start my new job the day.

What job?

Da, I showed you the letter.

Sorry hen, so you did.

I'm no' sleeping too well at the minute.

I'd better go, I cannae be late for my first day.

(Laughs)

(Mouths) Out there.

(What did they say?)

They can take him. I'm gonna go down and have a look round in the morning.

Am I daein' the right thing here, Alice?

Who are you?

Eddie. Eddie?

I've got a son called Eddie.

Why'd they make these things so loud?

You owe me an apology.

What have I done?

You told me to pack my bags if I wouldn't sleep wi' ye.

I did. But you still owe me an apology.

I'm sorry. Knock at door

can you get that?

You're hungover, nae paralysed.

Please?

Ma heid's still thumpin'.

Oh, hiya. Yeah, yeah, come on in.

Erm, just sit down, Gwen.

I'm not staying. I came to tell you I won't be seeing you any more.

I'll make myself scarce.

There's no need. There's nothing more to say.

Woah, whoah woah...

I told you, I don't want to see you. Just like that? Nae explanation?

It's not like you even care, Archie.

What are you talking about?

You used me. I stuck my neck out to get you this place.

I put my job at risk.

I didnae ask you to.

You didn't have to.

You knew I wouldn't see you homeless, you made sure of that by getting me into bed.

It wasnae like that.

How can you make love to someone you don't want to be with? I didn't catch a dose aff some guy.

I didn't thank you for that.

Tell you what - when my dick drops off, I'll send it you.

Stop whining. You don't have syphilis.

I made it up.

You made it up?

You sick in the heid or something?

What was that shite about us being engaged?

To teach you a lesson. I hope for your sake he's learnt it.

What has this got to do wi' me?

Don't insult my intelligence. You're not his sister, he doesn't have one.

Tex!

Goodbye, Archie.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

Well, there goes my flat.

That Kyle hasnae phoned, has he, da?

Da!

Oh...

Christ almighty, what are you trying to do, give us another heart attack?!

I thought you'd taken an overdose!

I'm fed up, hen, but I'm no' that fed up.

You don't like it here much, do you?

Ah...

..No' much.

Would you rather live somewhere else?

With the fella upstairs?

The fella upstairs?

Aye.

Big fella.

Makes a nice cup of tea.

There's a nice place, no' far fae here I think you'd like.

It's got a nice big garden.

A room you can watch telly.

Play dominoes.

Is there naked women?

(Laughs) Is there whit?

Naked women.

Fella upstairs has got one.

(Laughs)

I'll see if I can find out for you, alright?

Cheers, da.

♪ Why do happy ever afters

♪ never seem to last?

♪ I need you

♪ I need you

♪ for me to be me... ♪

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