Original subtitles

♪ So what if you

♪ can't touch the sky

♪ it doesn't mean

♪ you shouldn't try

♪ do you wanna fly?

♪ Ooh-ooh, do you wanna fly? ♪

Alarm clock

(TV in background)

(Rab.)

Rab, rab, rab.

Gonnae get up!

Uh, what time is it?

Hauf eight. Fuck's sake, Jake, it's the middle of the night.

Have you seen ma broo card?

Where?!

On the fuckin' table!

Stop usin' it for roaches. Look at it! Bye.

Dog barks

Shit!

♪ Stopped my drinkin'

♪ and runnin' all over town ♪

right, ma.

That's me away.

What have I told you? Whit?

You're not going to school like that. Get changed. I'll be late.

Should've got up when I shouted you then. And take the makeup off!

Toilet flushes

Oi, cowboy, where's yer horse?

My horse? Round at your place shaggin' your maw.

The lifts are aff.

You'll get someone locked up dressed like that.

(He wolf whistles)

Footsteps on stairs

(Breathless) Stairs are a killer, eh?

Stopped for a breather, eh?

Want a fag?

You workin' the night?

Aye.

Ever get mixed up doin' the two jobs?

Ever stuck a chow mein through a letterbox?

I dinnae Ken how ye dae it. One job's bad enough.

Need the money. I've two ex-wives with their hands in my pocket. I better get on.

Me an' aw.

That's the third time this month these lifts have been aff.

Whit's the matter wi' your face?

Got an interview.

Where?

Video shop. The one round the corner.

What if I get it?

Don't talk shite.

Want a bit of cheese on toast?

Got a letter fae the housing. Bin it.

What's the other one?

Think it's a bill.

Red one? No.

Bin it.

So when's the interview? The morra.

Who signed you on, her wi' the hairy knuckles?

She's interview daft, her.

Rab, you could go and kid on yer me.

How can I? I don't look anythin' like you.

Oh fuck it, nae teabags.

(He laughs)

Rhythmic ticking

♪ gotta be careful when you come upon smilin' faces

♪ all that's left are traces of who you've been before. ♪

Your auntie Carol's kicked me oot, I need somewhere to stay for a while.

I've only got one room, Tex.

I've naewhere else, slept in the motor last night.

I've had pins and needles in my arse all mornin'!

For how long?

You'll hardly see me, I'll be at work.

You're some banana, I knew you wouldnae let me doon.

Right, I better get on wi' it. Bloody lifts are aff again.

Here, we could maybe have a party one night, get some birds up, eh?

See you later.

(Sighs)

It's you tae go.

(Sighs)

(Laughs) What the fuck is that?

Oink!

Oink's no' a word.

Check it!

(Makes buzzer sound)

Here. Total shite.

You let me have "baa".

It's in the dictionary.

How, if oink's no'?!

Don't know. I didnae write the fuckin' thing!

Hello, auntie Carol? Aye it's Jimmy. Hiya.

Listen, I've just seen my uncle Archie there.

Aye, he was tellin' us whit's happened.

I know, but he's really cut up about it. Honestly, he was in here brekkin' his heart.

Listen, could you no' just gie him another chance? Hello?

(Sighs)

Is "moo" in it?

"Moo: The low deep sound made by a cow".

What happened to moo?

Dinnae have an m.

Right, how many's that? Two.

I meant the score.

Eh, you're on 41, I'm on 312.

I don't want to play anymore. Play somethin' else.

Ma heid's up ma arse wi' this interview the morra.

Look, don't worry about it. We'll have a wee practice run later on, get you prepared for it.

Guess who?

God almighty woman!

It's you. Some welcome, I've no' seen you for nine months.

Whose fault's that! Why're you home, you're not due out for another three? Good behaviour.

Thought I'd surprise you.

Nearly surprised the bloody life out of me!

Listen, where's Claire? In the room with Chloe.

Made this for the wean.

Ma grandmere, Elle est marrante, mais Elle fume trop.

Darlin'!

Oh, missed you. I missed you.

Look, made this for Chloe. Oh, wow!

Hey, so much for surprisin' your ma, she set aboot me wi' a bunch o' carnations!

She's been actin' a bit weird, da. She's at a funny age.

She's big, eh?

D'you want to hold her? No, it's a'right. I'll wait till she wakes up and get a wee cuddle.

I'm home for good now, hen.

Have you been listening? Aye, I'm listenin'.

"And the nature and extent of the repairs

"means that all tenants will be temporarily rehoused until the work is complete."

Temporarily rehoused? Hope they've got cable.

Is that all you can think aboot?

Frank, we dinnae even Ken where they'll move us to,

we might end up on the other side o' the city.

I was at Shirley's. She went tae school dressed like that.

Whit's wrang wi' your uniform? Too wee.

Too wee?! If that skirt was any shorter, Tracy, it'd be a belt.

Shut up, ma. Don't you dare tell me to shut up.

You gonna let her talk to me like that?

Dinnae talk to your ma like that. Whatever. I'm away to my room.

She is a cheeky little madam. She better start showing me some respect.

Gie's a beer, hen, will you?

So, tell me, mr Marshall, what made you apply for the position?

The broo said they'd stop ma money if I didnae come.

And what would you bring to the position were you offered it?

Ma pieces for ma lunch.

Nice one, Jake, write that down in case you forget it.

One final question, mr Marshall - if you came across a fellow employee stealing money from the till

..what would you do?

I'd threaten to grass him.

..If he didnae split it wi' me.

Here, get wan rolled. You've nothing to worry about, man.

Don't start that nonsense. For Christ's sake, Alice.

I've been banged up wi' a bunch of hairy arsed guys for nine months. Gie me a break.

I'll break your bloody leg if you don't shift it.

(Sighs) Some welcome home that is. Got a warmer welcome in the jail.

Away back to the bloody jail then.

♪ Loud muffled music

♪ when the little piece of heaven... ♪

grab a plate, there's plenty there. (Music stops)

Stay up and have a wee blether, eh. I've got college in the morning.

'Sake, when I was your age I was up a' night and still made it to my work.

I'm knackered. You're gettin' old before your time.

Hauf way there wi' they daft pyjamas.

(Turns music back up)

Right, I'm away.

Hey-hey-hey, what's this?! Where's your other shirt?

Your interview shirt, wi' the soup stains and the hash burns? Needs ironed. Get it oan.

You turn up lookin' like that, they'll think you want the job.

Use yer heid, wee bit o' psychology, eh?

Put your head down, there you go. There you go, darlin'.

(Baby burps)

Oh! (Tuts) Oh, sweetheart. Whit ye doin'?

Oh, come on.

Darlin', the wean's puked up on me. Want to show me how that washin' machine works?

Aye, stick a brush up ma arse and sweep the floor while I'm at it.

(Boys laughing)

Wolf whistle

a'right, Claire bear?

Whit's up wi' your face?

I cannae get a guy to look at me and she goes through them like her da goes through Jaffa cakes.

Keep it in your trousers, she's only 15.

Shut it, ya fat dick. Who you callin' fat? I'm no' fat.

Cheeky wee bastard.

You goin' oot wi' anybody? Naw, how - you lookin'?

Aye, in yer dreams! I had a dream about you last night.

Was a two hanky wan. You're a dirty bastard. Hey, whit was that for?

Aye, you wish!

See you later.

I got it.

Got whit? The job.

Whit?!

What d'you mean you got it?!

I don't know what happened, I... He... He didn't even interview me.

I was talking to this wee granny about "cannibal holocaust".

He just comes o'er and says "fine, job's yours".

You're a fuckin' bunnet. You've went in there gien it Jonathan Ross and he thinks you're a film buff.

That'll be me noo, stuck in the hoose on my tod a day, bored oot ma tits.

It's always self, self, self, wi' you.

(Baby cries)

What colour eyes has him upstairs got?

Who?

That rab Campbell.

Difficult to say.

Disnae look ye in the eye long enough to tell.

I don't mean to be funny, Jimmy, but when was the last time you had a ride?

Whit?

There's 51 songs in here and 37 are about dugs.

Well, I like dugs.

No' healthy. Need to get yerself a burd.

Her doonstairs isnae bad.

Claire?!

Aye, nice arse on it. Wouldn't mind gien it a skelp maself.

Shut up, Tex.

Oh, got a wee thing for her, have you?

Naw, you sound like a dirty old pervert.

It's 4.50 an hour.

Big wow (!) 4.50 an hour. Is it cash in haun?

Better than broo money innit, but?

How can it be better? You get broo money for lyin' in your bed a' day!

Want a wee game o' scrabble?

It's like playin' with fuckin' old McDonald.

(Sighs) Gonnae gie's a draw o' that?

You're gettin' hee-haw.

Add that tae your collection o' farmyard noises.

(Gurgles & spits)

Toilet flushes

d'you have to make that noise in there?

Whit?

It's like an animal... You're grunting and snorting and... It's disgusting.

What is wrang wi' you, woman? You've been on ma back fae the minute I got back home.

(Snivels)

Look, I'm sorry, darlin'. I didn't mean to upset you.

Get away from me!

(Oh! Fuck's sake.)

(Sobs) I'm away to sleep in the living room.

I get to take out as many movies as I want.

It's got lo-o-oads of porn.

Aye, a' that soft core shite. No, honestly, the real thing. Back o' the shop, not for sale. Oh-hoh!

Hunners o' it. D'you know whit he's got? Oh... Whit's her name? Her... Her that does that mad trick.

Wi' the ping pong balls.

Aye?!

Here, when d'you start?

Monday.

♪ And I got high as the highest mountain

♪ I came down hard as a meteorite

♪ I met a man who turned my daytime

♪ into night ♪

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