All language subtitles for Ghosts.S01E04.1080p.WEB.H264-GLHF-NHI

Hey! I noticed someone
ate all the Oreos I bought,

which is crazy because
I've had them in the house

for less than 24 hours.

I didn't want
to say anything,

but I think the
contractor ate them.

Liar! He is a liar!

I watched him eat
the whole thing.

Cookie Bogarter!

Really? The contractor?

Yeah. And if you want
to blow up the renovations

'cause of some cookies,
I got your back 100%,

but I think that might be
shortsighted.

I witnessed the gluttonous
feast; it was unseemly.

There was shame in
the man's eyes.

Wait, what are you looking at?
Is it the ghosts?

Crumbs everywhere!
Why not use plate?

They're telling on me,
aren't they?

You are busted.
This isn't fair.

You got a whole team of spies
watching my every move.

I mean, they don't
tell me everything.

Well, one of the cookies
fell to the floor,

after which he ate it.

Oh, you ate a floor Oreo?
Not cool, guys!

Not cool.

I would have called it
a "Flooreo."

That's just my improv
training kicking in.

Flooreo.

I wish I possessed the ability
to write that down.

♪

You know, every time I talk
to the contractor,

it's like he adds another
two weeks to the timeline,

or five grand to the budget.

Well, you know what?
Here's an idea.

Next time we see him,
let's just run away.

Bulletproof plan,
babe.

Hi, there.

Oh, who's this?

Henry and Margaret
Farnsby.

Wealthy next-door neighbors.
Total squares.

Henry and Margaret Farnsby.
Wealthy next-door neighbors.

Total squares.

Did you just say,
"total squares?"

Ghost word. I guess
they're uptight.

Yeah, man, they're all
like "rules, yay!"

Oh, butterfly.

I'm Margaret Farnsby.
This is my husband, Henry.

Hey.
We've been dying to
swing by, say welcome.

Drop off some of my
award-winning cupcakes.

First place at the
St. Anne's parish bake sale

seven years running.

Not that we like to brag.

He's lying, we love to brag.

You are so sweet.
I'm Samantha, this is Jay.

Fair warning, he's a pretty
talented chef himself.

Yeah, might give
your cupcakes

a run for their money
this year, Margaret.

Well, I certainly don't
think that would be appreciated.

Oh, no, I was kidding.

Oh!

Our new neighbors are funny.

I love it!

Bless you.

Pardon. Uh, allergies.

Sneezing in public.
So unladylike.

I told her a nip of cocaine

would wipe that hay fever
right out, but does she listen?

I'm sorry, did you say
cocaine?

Mm-hmm. Everyone knows cocaine's
excellent for allergies.

Okay, well, in the 1980s
it was a Schedule II narcotic.

Well, Peter, in the 1880s
it was a medical wonder drug.

From headache to hysteria,

four out of five barbers
prefer cocaine.

We heard you're doing
some construction,

emphasis on the "heard."

Sorry, it'll just be
a little while.

We're fixing the place up.

Yeah, we're gonna turn it into
a pretty sick bed-and-breakfast.

Pretty sick?

No-- Oh, sick is like,
it's a good thing.

Yeah.
It's like slang.

Slang and earrings.

That's fun.

I don't love the idea of
a "pretty sick" business

adjoining our property.

Well, you know, I think,
I think you're just

getting caught up
on that one phrase.

Well, I don't know if
you're aware, but the zoning

rules of our local Historical
Preservation Board

require you to seek a permit
to operate as a B and B.

Oh, I'm aware. We've applied
for all the permits.

Oh, yeah,
every single one.

Well, I-I don't see this
getting approved.

Well, uh, with all due respect,

it's not really up to you.

Actually, it is.

You see, I'm the head
of the Preservation Board.

Enjoy those cupcakes.

Oh, I loathe
the Farnsbys.

They've been the Woodstone
family rivals for generations.

Oh, yeah, their family were also
robber barons, right?

Yes, but please don't put us
in the same category.

The children that worked in our
factories were far happier.

Hey, hey, Henry! Margaret!
Wait up, wait up, wait up.

Listen, I-I think you got the
wrong impression of us, okay?

We're not some young,
crazy city folk

trying to run
a rock 'n' roll hotel.

No. We're not even that cool.

I mean, Jay, he plays with
action figures.

Well, I don't play with
them, 'cause if you play

with them it lowers value.

See? Not cool.
Okay.

Uh, you know what?
Why don't you guys just

come over for dinner tonight,
and then you'll see.

You'll see, we're-we're
just a normal couple.

Well, I suppose I wouldn't mind
a meal from a professional chef.

Yes, we'd love to come.

Great.

Already got dessert.
Oh.

I just want to pet you.

Whee-hee-hee.

So, I'm thinking we go
full charm offensive.

We butter them up,
and then we reopen

the discussion
about the B and B.

Mm-hmm.

Oh! This is too much food
for just two people.

Wait a minute, are we having
a dinner party?

Yeah, we sort of made a bad
impression on the neighbors.

Yeah, I know.
I was there.

Oh, Pete just came in.
The arrow guy?

Or the award-winning travel
agent or the great dad.

But sure, Arrow Guy,
let's go with that.

So, what time is soup on?

You know, it's kind of
a big night for us,

so I was sort of hoping
maybe you guys would

just give us some space.

Uh, yes, sir, Pete,
you gots to go.

No ghosts allowed.
But we love dinner parties.

The smells, the fashions,
the banter.

But sure, there's other stuff
we can do.

Yeah, is that okay?
Yeah.

There's a spider in
the attic that's spinning

some pretty interesting stuff.

Oh, and I haven't tried to
remember all the Star Trek

characters' names in a bit.

I mean, there's Spock,
obviously.

What is she talking about, we
can't attend the dinner party?

Who is coming?

Well, the Farnsbys.

All the more reason
to have us.

They're terrible company.

No, Samantha will be
appreciative we're there.

She actually explicitly
said she'd appreciate it

if we were not there.

But there hasn't been
a dinner party here

in over a decade;
this isn't fair.

Ah, I live for
dinner parties.

The repartee, the gentle
mocking of the hostess

when she leaves the room.

"You call those
potatoes, Abigail?"

That kind of thing,
you know.

It's settled.
We shall attend.
Yes.

Wait, what are we attending?

Guys, she was really adamant.

She does not want us there.

Oh, fine. Then,
as a compromise for Samantha,

I shall limit
the guest list to me

and three ghosts
of my choosing.

No, that is not what she wants.

Wait, why do you get to choose?

Because
I built this house.

And that smart aleck question,
along with your

incomplete formal attire,
leaves you out in the cold.

You can't keep me out.

No, but Thor can,
as my muscle

and my dear honored guest.

Yes! Made list!
Congratulations.

The other two attendees
shall be...

Alberta and Isaac.

Huzzah!

I had plans, but I'll
move some things around.

Okay, this is insane.
When I was alive,

I threw the party. I-I made
the par-- I wasthe party.

Hetty, please. I need this.

This sad display certainly made
me confident in my decision.

Welcome to our
humble abode.

Thank you.

We brought you a bottle

from our private collection.
Thank you.

Damn, that is some good
shh-- chardonnay.

Let me show you
to the dining room.

Presenting neighbors
Henry and Margaret Farnsby.

Thor, what are you doing?
Hetty told me to.

Oh, no.

Samantha, is this
tablecloth a joke?

It is for a picnic.

Ooh. What vintage is that?
Let me see.

No--

A... Woodstone Mansion
tradition!

He is so funny.

And you are so clumsy.

Service!

So what do you
guys do for fun?

You know what we've
just recently discovered

is pickleball.

Mm.
Yeah.
Fastest growing sport

in America.
That's true.

Boring!

Thor tell better story

of time
he battled

pack of wolves.

But it's not squash.
No.

That's a common misconception.
Mm-hmm.

She-wolf
lunge at Thor.

Thor grab she-wolf
by neck,

gouge eyes
and then punch

in genital!

...any other sports. Mm.

I'm sorry.
Is it my drinking?

Am I overdoing it?

I told you, honey,
people notice.

Oh, no, no, I just had
an itch on my neck.

If anything, you're
not drinking enough.

Little more?

Thor! No one
at a classy dinner party

wants to hear
about you murdering

a pack of wolves!
Tell me more

about pickleball.

Cammy MacGregor,
Tyson McGuffin--

these are some
of the giants of the sport.
Mm-hmm.

Not literal giants,
of course.

Height is a huge
disadvantage

in pickleball...

Psst. Hey. Hetty.

Not on the list. Security?

...because of the height
of the net and...

Sorry.
I-I'm actually here for Trevor.

The poor guy
seems really torn up.

Now, I know Hetty said no,

but what do you think, Sam?
Uh, which is often

mispronounced as "bad-mitten."
Mm.

Silent "N"?
Sam.

No, no.
Oh, no,
can she not hear us anymore?

Hey, Sam?
No silent "N."

Sam?! Sam!
Uh, but, uh...

Enough.

Of sitting around
this table. Am I right?

Jay, why don't you take
our guests for a tour?

Okay.

Yeah.

Huh, it's a little bit
weird, but...

it was an awfully creamy
bisque.

Just follow me
this way

and we'll walk that cream
right off.

Okay, you guys have to
behave. There is a lot

riding on this dinner for us.

Like what?

Details aren't important.

Maybe we get
general area?

Fine. We have to
win over the Farnsbys

so they give us a permit
to open our B and B.

But we don't want the B and B.

I know. That's why
I was hiding it from you.

A few guests at a dinner
party, we can deal with.

But a full hotel?

My God, that'd be chaos.

Oh, I wasn't thinking
it'd be anything like that.

I thought
it'd be small and quaint,

like the inn on Newhart.

Is that what
you were thinking, Sam?

I don't know what Newhartis,

but I like
that you're on my side.

Really? Delightful sitcom
about a stammering innkeeper?

Nothing? It was
really popular in the '80s.

I wasn't even alive
in the '80s, Pete.

Well, I'm not alive now
but I still love Newhart.

We don't want hotel!

Absolutely not.
Mm-mm. No.

Well, you should want hotel,

because no hotel, no me.

Who helps you watch TV?

Who is writing your memoir?

Well, actually, on that,
I do have a few notes.

If we can't build the B and B,

we're gonna have
to sell this place.

And God knows who would buy it.

Certainly not somebody
who can actually see you

and do things for you and help
make your afterlives better.

So unless you
want to throw

all that away,

I'm gonna need your help.

All right. We will help,

but it will be begrudgingly.

Well?

It was a hard no.

You're still
not invited.

Ugh. Bummer.

Come on.

Trevor, you are
not taking this well, huh?

Okay, look,
I never told anyone this, but...

in 1999, I was left off
the guest list

for a Fourth of July party
on a yacht.

There were Maximmodels there.

There was...

a vodka luge
that looked like cleavage.

And I heard

that a guy from Bear Stearns

made out
with Natasha Henstridge.

That could've been me, Pete.

That could've been me.

Trevor,
I did not understand that story

or the points you were making,

but I am so sorry.

Being left out hurts.

One time, my throuple
made love without me.

Just the two of them.

How does that even work?

Okay, guys, this isn't over.

If you like

ordinance 6.B.12,
you are going

to love
ordinance 6.B.13.

I'm at the edge of my seat.
Makes two of us.

Oh, gadzooks,
what a couple of lickspittles.

Excuse me,

didn't Sam instruct us
to clam up our kissers?

Yes.

If I can reserve comment

on Sam's whorish lipstick,
the rest of you

can hold your tongues.

...to smaller lots
and-and...

Uh, everything all right?

Yes. I-I was just
checking my makeup,

which, if anything,

is conservative by
today's standards.

Let's say I want to turn
the garage into a man cave.

Now, that is a very
interesting question.
Mm.

Uh, the garage constitutes
an existing structure,

the demolition of which
is strictly prohibited.

But, uh, making changes
to the interior,

that only requires permission
from the M.R.S. department.

M.R.S.?
The missus.

Oh!

No dinner, no peace!

No dinner, no peace!

We're crashing
the party!

Oh, God, no.

What is the meaning of this,
showing up

to a dinner party uninvited?
Thorfinn.

Hey, man, this is
a nonviolent protest.

Not anymore. Come here.
Hey, hey.

Ooh, that looks yummy. Are you
gonna finish smelling that?

I'm gonna make you
my little farm boy!

Well, if everybody's
just doing what they want...

♪ I've had a man...
Thor,

you're making
them look...Sam? Sam.

...so crazy!

...any changes you like
to the interior of, uh...

Oh! His teeth are so sharp!

Hallway now!

Jay, can we please meet
up in the hallway now?

We need to check
the breaker.

These lights are
acting up. Excuse us.

Yeah. S-- sorry.

Okay,

I'm gonna put this
plainly for all of you.

You need to back off and let us
have our dinner party in peace.

Oh, yeah!
It's definitely the breaker!

Samantha, I must protest.

We have just as
much of a right

to attend this
dinner party as you.

No. Because this
is our house.

We've been here longer
than you.

Yeah, and
guess what--

we're alive.

Hey.
Ooh.

Alive?
Ouch.

Didn't expect you
to drop the A-word on us.

Not cool.

She is worse than wolf.

No, it... it wasn't supposed...

This is not the kind of thing
that would ever happen

on Newhart.
It was gentle humor.

Never at anyone's expense.
Never mean.

Unlike some people.

...and may I just say,
your duck was fantastic.

You may. And you
may say it again.

Jay, I feel terrible
about the ghosts.

I know. You'll fix it
later, okay?

Eyes on the prize.
Okay.

Should I open
another one?

Ooh!
Oh, I don't know.

If I let Margie
have another glass,

I might have to leave
her here overnight.
Oh.

Fine with me.

Zing.
Ah, ha-ha!

Oh, we're having
such a good time.

This is so fun. And...

and while we're
having so much fun,

I was hoping
maybe we could revisit

that little zoning issue.

Uh, you guys are fun.

Maybe too much fun?

Excuse me?

This is a quiet community.

We like quiet people.

The last thing
we need is

some raucous hotel
hosting pool parties

and midnight raves.

That's great, because that's
not at all what we're planning.

No, no! We're not even
thinking of this as a hotel.

It'll be more like
a-a quaint B and B.

It's a few guests.
It's a few families.
Mm.

It's gonna be very,
very wholesome.

Says Mr. Earrings.

It'll be like Newhart.

Whoa.

You know Newhart?

Yeah.

I guess you could say
I know my favorite show.

I thought it was
Sex and the City.

Talk about a finale.
Oh.

Oh. I could.

All day.
Favorite episode?

You-you go first.
Uh...

I will. As soon as
I go to the bathroom.

And you go.
Separately.

But I know his schedule.
Mm.

Me, too.

Uh... yep.

Please, Pete,
I need your Newhart knowledge.

Is a sentence my wife just said
to an invisible person.

I want to help, but...

I got to stick
with my troop on this one.

Please, please, please,
please, please, please?

Seriously, man? You
just told us to get lost.

Now she's begging
for reinforcements,

like she's William Howe
at the Battle of White Plains.

No? No? No White Plains

aficionados in the house?
I love White Plains.

Went to Laurie Schender's
bat mitzvah there in '82.

Pretty exclusive invite,
by the way.

The kid from Silver Spoons
was there.

I feel terrible. I-I
mean, I know it seems

like I'm just saying that now
because I need your help.

But I felt bad
before.

Jay can back me up.

Uh, yep. She felt
really bad, people.

Like that's worth a damn.
These nights are
a big deal for us.

It's our chance
to feel human again,

even if it's only
for a few hours.

But after tonight, a lot of us
are feeling less alive

than we ever have.

Look, I haven't been around
as long as you guys.

And, apparently,
I still have a lot to learn.

Because this isn't my house.

This is our house.

Do you really mean that,
Samantha?

I really do.

I take it back.

She less bad
than wolf.

Thank you, Thorfinn.

And whether you guys want
to help or not,

I want you to come back
and join us for dessert.

All of you.
Oh!
Yes!

All right.
T-Money back
in the game.

Well, I suppose we accept.

Now, something people don't know

is that the show's
opening credits...
Now, something people don't know

is that the show's
opening credits......
were filmed in New Hampshire.

...were filmed in New Hampshire.
Even though, as everyone...

Even though,
as we all know,

the show took place
in rural Vermont.

You weren't kidding.

You know your Newhart.
I am impressed.

Most people your age
have absolutely

no appreciation for
classic television.

No, and forget
about art...Ah.

...wine, cinema,

wine, jazz...

Oh, jazz,
we love jazz.

If I had to name my
favorite artists...

Sidney Bechet,
Fletcher Henderson.

...Sidney Bechet,
Fletcher Henderson.

Louis Armstrong.

What? You talk,
I listen.

Amazing. It is so rare

to find someone
who has an appreciation

for anything
that came before them.

Well, that's the problem
with young people today.
Well, that's the problem

with young people today.

Y-Yes. Exactly. Exactly!

Exactly.
Exactly!

Exactly.

Ha-ha-ha. Yeah.

Young people are the worst.

That was incredible.
Right?

Call me crazy,
but this might actually work.

Mm-hmm.
Wait,

weren't there a lot more
of those before?

Um...

How many
of those have you had today?

Uh, he had
at least four.

One?

Cupcake Bogarter.

They're telling
on me, aren't they?

I can't live like this.

I have an idea.
Mm-hmm.

How about a morning game
of pickleball?

Uh, I don't think so.

Oh, come on, dear.

If we're not going to use
the court, then why on earth

did we tear down the
carriage house to build it?

Wait, tear down
the carriage house?

Did you hear that?
Ooh.

Coffee and
cupcakes.

Margaret,
these look delicious.

So, just between
the four of us...

"And my other brother
Darryl." Just say it.

And my other brother Darryl.

Oh!

There's got to be

something we can do
about this zoning issue, right?

Jay,

Samantha, I am man
enough to admit

when I have
missed the mark.

How 'bout this?

I'll push through
the permits.

Serious?

Oh, my God.
That's amazing.In exchange

for a small donation to the
Historical Preservation Fund.

Excuse me?

H-How big a small donation?

Well, a suggested
donation is $20,000.

Uh, you can make
the check out to me.

The scoundrel.

So baller.
Think it over.

And, uh, thank you--
here we go, Margaret...

Mm-hmm. Yes....uh, for
an absolutely wonderful,

wonderful evening.

We will show
ourselves out.

Thank you so much
for coming!

I wasted the duck
on a total shakedown.

We can't afford $20,000.

Uh, Samantha.

What?

We've come across
some information

on the Farnsbys.

And the train goes in the
tunnel, out the other side.

Well done, well done.
Mm-hmm.
Hey.

Maybe next time we'll come
to your place for pickleball.

Oh.
Oh.
On your home court.

Where the carriage
house used to be.

Wait a minute,

that would violate
ordinance 6.B.13,

which says you can't demolish
existing structures.

Oh, chardonnay.

Take that.

Checkmate.
Oh...!
Your wife is drunk.

Are you trying
to use

my own ordinances against me?

Oh, no, no, no, no--

Yes, that's exactly
what we're doing.

Ooh!
Mmm.
Good for her.

Mmm.
Spicy lady.

Well, this would certainly be
an awkward situation...

if I hadn't been completely
kidding about the donation.

Congratulations

on your permit.

Come along, Margaret.

Easy on
the stairs.

And we want access
to that pickleball court!

What? Why do we want that?
I don't know.
They made it sound fun.

Take that, Farnsbys!

Another generation
of Woodstone prevails.

And that is how we do it
in our house.

Up top. No, just-just put
your hand up.

Close enough.
Ooh, girl.

You throw one hell
of a dinner party.

Yeah, maybe next time
I'll get invited.

Trevor, listen.

Don't you know
that to throw

a truly exclusive party,

one needs a prominent snub.

Of course. It's like when the
Blue Room wouldn't let Leo in.

That's what put them on the map.

You knew that, in this
house, I'm the Leo?

Mm-hmm. You're the Leo.

I'm the Leo.

I'm the Leo.

I am lying.
It was the pants thing.

Well, I guess the ghosts spying
on us really came in handy, huh?

Uh, I don't have
any personal privacy

and I'm terrified to shower,

but, yeah, I guess this time
they really came through.

Hey, which one knew
so much about Newhart?

Oh, Pete.
Oh! Arrow Guy!

Way to hit the target, brother.

"Arrow Guy"? Still?!
Unbelievable!