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1
00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:17,552
Ik weet niet waarom, ik ben altijd dol
geweest op happy endings.
2
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:20,930
Zie je, voor mij de meest romantische,
mooie liefdesverhalen ooit
3
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,515
waren degenen waar
twee mensen elkaar ontmoeten, verliefd worden,
4
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:26,682
en dan 50, 60 jaar
later sterft een van hen.
5
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,805
En dan een paar dagen daarna
sterft de andere
6
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:31,228
omdat ze gewoon niet
zonder elkaar kunnen leven.
7
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,936
Niet dat dat zo'n goed voorbeeld is
van een happy end.
8
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,562
Ik bedoel, je hebt twee dode mensen
in dat voorbeeld.
9
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:39,532
Maar zo dacht ik altijd dat
het voor Katie en mij zou zijn.
10
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:44,534
Niet dat we dood zouden zijn, maar dat
we voor altijd samen zouden zijn.
11
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:51,294
Nu Hoog-Laag.
Wie wil er eerst? Erine?
12
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:55,715
Oké, mijn hoogtepunt vandaag is dat
ik tijdens de lunch naast Austin Butler zat.
13
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,083
Oh dat is leuk.
14
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,460
Is dat de jongen
met de driepotige hond?
15
00:02:58,470 --> 00:03:00,257
Nee, Joel Cummings heeft
de driepotige hond.
16
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,129
Austin heeft
de schildpad die snurkt.
17
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,140
En je lage?
18
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,133
Kamp.
19
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,679
Hoe zit het met kamp?
20
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:07,803
Ik weet het niet.
21
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:10,180
Lieverd, je had het
vorig jaar zo leuk.
22
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,598
Weet ik.
23
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:12,724
Wat is het?
24
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,981
Ben je bang dat je
Austin deze zomer uit het oog verliest ?
25
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:17,687
Ik weet het niet.
26
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,234
Je kunt elkaar altijd
schrijven.
27
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:21,574
Als je je naam tekent, kun je
die kleine X'en en O's erop zetten.
28
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:22,612
Daar houden jongens van,
toch?
29
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,277
Kan er geen genoeg van krijgen.
30
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,366
Schat, je gaat
een geweldige tijd hebben.
31
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,748
En jij, klootzak?
Wat was je high vandaag?
32
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:32,001
Mijn high was dat de moeder van Gary Ellis
een nieuwe sapcentrifuge kocht,
33
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,023
en vandaag ging ik naar zijn huis
en dronk een kip.
34
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:36,588
En je lage?
35
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,965
Ik heb geen laag.
36
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,467
Je moet
een dieptepunt hebben.
37
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:43,175
Kijk, ik zit hier
mijn hersens te pijnigen , en ik heb geen dieptepunt, oké?
38
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,968
Oké, oké.
Wat als we de kip-smoothie invoeren?
39
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,341
in de hoge
en lage categorie?
40
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,512
En jij, mama?
41
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,139
We zullen...
42
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:50,978
Oh, ik weet wat je high is.
Het is jouw verjaardag.
43
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,621
Wat gaan jullie
morgenavond doen ?
44
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,060
- Nou, ik wilde je moeder meenemen...
- Papa gaat mij meenemen...
45
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,854
- ...uit naar een romantisch diner...
- ...uit dansen.
46
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,194
...en mogelijk
wat dansen.
47
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,738
Maar je hebt gelijk, lieverd.
Dat is onze high.
48
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,698
Kijk, ik zou heel graag
blijven voor je lage,
49
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,738
maar de Dodgers
spelen tegen de Giants.
50
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,861
- Gaan.
- Gaan.
51
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,737
- Kan ik ook gaan?
- Gaan.
52
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,007
Luister, het kan me echt niet schelen
wat we morgenavond doen.
53
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,632
Het kan me niet eens schelen of we
in verschillende restaurants terechtkomen.
54
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:28,053
Zolang de kinderen ons maar
samen zien vertrekken en samen thuiskomen.
55
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,300
Rechts.
56
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:36,183
Op onze eerste verjaardag
heb ik Ben een plastic lepel gegeven.
57
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:39,857
Je weet wel, de afhaalmaaltijd
van een Chinees restaurant?
58
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:44,858
Het was degene die we hadden gebruikt toen we
onze eerste kom wontonsoep deelden in het park.
59
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:49,571
Hij was bang dat hij het kwijt was,
en ik herinner me hoe zijn gezicht oplichtte
60
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,665
toen hij het
juwelendoosje opende waar ik het in had gewikkeld.
61
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,712
Ik blijf mezelf afvragen,
62
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,376
"Wanneer is dat moment
in een huwelijk?
63
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:03,171
"wanneer een lepel
gewoon een lepel wordt?"
64
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:24,280
Toen ik Katie voor het eerst ontmoette,
werkte ik als schrijver aan deze comedyshow,
65
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:25,818
en ze was
aangenomen als uitzendkracht.
66
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,114
En, ik weet het niet.
Het is moeilijk uit te leggen.
67
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,955
Er was een onmiddellijke
verbinding, deze simpatico.
68
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,244
Ik had het gevoel dat ze me net te pakken had.
69
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,202
En geloof me,
er is geen groter gevoel in deze wereld
70
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,124
dan je aangesproken te voelen.
71
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:43,480
Ik denk dat de luidste
stiltes de stiltes zijn die gevuld zijn
72
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,944
met alles
wat er is gezegd,
73
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,439
verkeerd gezegd, 300 keer gezegd.
74
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,442
Je
hoort me niet echt .
75
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,364
Je bent zo
verdomd kritisch!
76
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,532
Met twee kinderen is het al moeilijk genoeg.
Ik heb geen derde nodig.
77
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:58,078
Dat klopt, je bent perfect,
en ik heb in 15 jaar niets goed gedaan!
78
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,495
Je luistert niet.
79
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:00,834
Je kunt niets loslaten
.
80
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,620
Je luistert nooit!
81
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,418
Je houdt vast aan
elk klein ding.
82
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,381
Waarom zou je
ergens verantwoordelijk voor zijn?
83
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,636
Moet je overal
kritisch over zijn?
84
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,087
Ik regel gewoon
alles hier in de buurt.
85
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,544
- Prima!
- Prima!
86
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:18,929
Tot vechten
eerder de voorwaarde dan de uitzondering wordt,
87
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,680
en plotseling, zonder dat
je het weet,
88
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,065
het verandert in de taal
van de relatie,
89
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:27,108
en je enige optie is een stille
terugtocht naar neutrale hoeken.
90
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,743
Oké, ben jij een persoon?
91
00:07:34,746 --> 00:07:35,862
Ja.
92
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,113
Ben jij een man?
93
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,364
Daar valt over te discussiëren.
94
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,537
"Betwistbaar"? Heb je
een snor?
95
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:41,875
- Een dikke.
- Tante Roos.
96
00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,414
- Rechts.
- Ja!
97
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,422
Goede oude tante
"vijf uur schaduw" Rose.
98
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,791
Oh, God, het is bijna negen uur.
We gaan de kampbus missen.
99
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,466
Wauw!
Dat noem ik nou een stacaravan.
100
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,885
Kun je er omheen?
Het is vijf voor negen.
101
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,803
Tjonge, ze moeten
hun postcode vaak veranderen.
102
00:07:56,810 --> 00:08:00,804
Het gebeurt terwijl we spreken.
Kijk, 91604, 91604.
103
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,806
91605.
104
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:03,897
Zou je het kunnen
doorgeven?
105
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,391
Hun postbode
moet gek worden.
106
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,268
De kinderen
gaan hun bus echt missen.
107
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,190
Wauw! Kijk, op
de tweede verdieping!
108
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,984
- Iemand gaat de badkamer gebruiken!
-Ben.
109
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,107
Kinderen, doe
de ramen omhoog.
110
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,483
We staan in
de vuurlinie!
111
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,076
Wil je gewoon dat
verdomde huis passeren ?
112
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,791
Kijk, kinderen,
het huis maakt een recht.
113
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,918
Toen ik op de universiteit zat,
moesten we een scriptie schrijven,
114
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:35,217
het was voor een of andere
cursus filosofie die ik volgde,
115
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,762
op elk boek dat we hebben overwogen
116
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:42,102
om degene te zijn die het beste weergeeft
hoe we de wereld bekeken.
117
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:45,974
En ik herinner me dat sommige mensen
boeken uitkiezen van de grote denkers,
118
00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:49,477
zoals Kierkegaard en Plato.
Sommige kinderen kozen de Bijbel.
119
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,230
Ik deed mijn paper over
Harold en het paarse krijt.
120
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:56,655
Het is een klein boekje
over een kleine jongen
121
00:08:56,661 --> 00:09:00,780
die de wereld tekent zoals hij het wil
met zijn magische krijt.
122
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:05,452
En ik... ik hield gewoon van
dat boek omdat
123
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,045
het ging over alles
wat ik niet was.
124
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,626
Dus laat me dit rechtzetten.
Wil je kruiswoordpuzzels schrijven?
125
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,344
- Dat is echt een baan die iemand wil doen?
- Ja.
126
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:18,555
- En je zou hiervoor betaald krijgen?
- Ja.
127
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,141
Dus je weet eigenlijk dingen als
"Ra is the Sun God"?
128
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:24,854
Evenals het symbool voor radium
en de afkorting voor 'regulier leger'.
129
00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:27,564
Wauw. Ik weet niet of ik
onder de indruk of bang moet zijn.
130
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,854
Ik vind het heel rustgevend
en geruststellend,
131
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:32,444
omdat je weet dat
er altijd antwoorden zijn.
132
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:35,197
Ja, maar niet
op de echt grote vragen,
133
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:38,568
zoals: "Bestaat God?"
"Wat is de betekenis van het leven?"
134
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,991
"Waarom ruikt mijn plas raar
als ik asperges eet?"
135
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,576
Asparaginezuur,
vandaar de naam.
136
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,744
En dit kalmeert je?
137
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:52,047
Ja. Omdat je nooit echt
de antwoorden op de grote vragen zult vinden ,
138
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:55,760
er is een troost in het vinden van
de antwoorden op de kleintjes.
139
00:09:56,387 --> 00:10:01,178
Trouwens, als je klaar bent, is
er een heerlijk gevoel van afsluiting,
140
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:05,019
wetende dat die kleine wereld
op die halve pagina compleet is.
141
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,481
Nou, je liet
jezelf wijd open.
142
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,864
Kom naar papa!
143
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:23,822
Maar het probleem in een huwelijk is,
als één persoon altijd Harold is,
144
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,789
de wereld tekenen
zoals ze willen dat het is,
145
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:29,957
de andere persoon heeft geen andere keuze
dan het te tekenen zoals het is.
146
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:34,006
Dat is waarschijnlijk de reden waarom ze nooit
een boek over de vrouw van Harold hebben geschreven.
147
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,499
Ze gaan weg!
Ik wist het! Ik wist het!
148
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,930
- Pak je koffers.
- Gaan! Gaan!
149
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:45,809
- Wacht! Wacht!
- Hou het vast! Hou het vast!
150
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,809
- Er komen er nog twee.
- Ze zullen wachten, ze zullen wachten.
151
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,556
- Dank je, Mart.
- Hé, geen probleem.
152
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,058
- Hey, Marty.
- Hey, Ben.
153
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,980
- Doei baby.
- Ik houd van je. Veel plezier.
154
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,194
Ik houd van je.
Veel plezier.
155
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,312
- Dag, jongen.
- Doei vader.
156
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,484
- Dag schat.
- Pak de tas van je zus.
157
00:10:58,491 --> 00:10:59,732
- Veel plezier.
- Bedankt.
158
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,950
- Ik houd van je.
- Ik houd van je.
159
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,366
Joost, schiet op.
Ik heb je een stoel bespaard.
160
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,830
- Ik houd van je.
- Ik houd van je.
161
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,628
- Doei.
- Dag schat.
162
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,046
Doei.
163
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,712
Oke.
164
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:04,889
Als je me ergens voor nodig hebt,
ik ben in de Oceana.
165
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,392
Als er iets komt met de kinderen,
bel me gewoon.
166
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,469
Natuurlijk.
167
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:17,439
Is dit niet het moment
waarop een van ons zou moeten zeggen:
168
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:20,062
"Kijk, dit is belachelijk.
We houden van elkaar.
169
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,656
"Alle koppels gaan hier doorheen.
Laten we het nog een keer proberen"?
170
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,599
Mijn kont was
vanmorgen op televisie .
171
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,135
Wat
vertel je ons?
172
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,304
Ik zeg je,
mijn kont was op televisie.
173
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,765
Oh dat is juist.
Dat was zo bijzonder.
174
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,643
Het Kennedy Center groet
50 jaar Stan's kont.
175
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,902
Ik ging naar de dokter,
hij nam deze tube
176
00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,817
die een kleine camera
aan het einde had,
177
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:06,568
stak het in mijn reet, en we keken ernaar
op een monitor in zijn kantoor.
178
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:08,944
- Heb je een sigmoïdoscopie gehad?
- Precies.
179
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,163
Dat is heel wat anders
dan dat je op tv bent.
180
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,281
Hoe?
181
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,373
Nou,
laten we allereerst beginnen met het feit
182
00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,333
dat een netwerk
je kont niet kan annuleren.
183
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,452
Punt goed genomen.
184
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:19,500
Plus, ik weet niet wat voor soort
demografie je hoopt neer te halen
185
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,248
met die grote, harige
spleet die naar je knipoogt.
186
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,751
Okee. Goed, heren.
We zijn op een openbare plaats.
187
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,798
Denk je dat we
het gespreksniveau naar een hoger niveau kunnen tillen?
188
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:26,921
Prima met mij.
189
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:30,595
Mooi zo. Ik heb me
gisteravond met je secretaresse afgetrokken. Ik hoop dat je het niet erg vindt.
190
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:31,808
- Waarom zou ik het erg vinden?
- Ik weet het niet,
191
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,347
Ik wilde gewoon
zeker weten dat het in orde was,
192
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,811
zodat ik
met een gerust geweten verder kon.
193
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:35,930
Pond weg.
194
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,351
O, je bent
een goede vriend.
195
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,150
Larry wilde
gisteravond echt seks hebben.
196
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,645
Hij gaf me zelfs
de massage van 30 seconden.
197
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,569
Oh, je bedoelt de "het kan me echt schelen
dat je een slechte dag had" terug wrijven?
198
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,488
die stopt net voordat
je echt ontspant,
199
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,861
en dan snel naar het zuiden richting
het beloofde land?
200
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:52,033
Precies.
201
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,326
Dus, heb je de liefde bedreven?
202
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,165
O, dat kon ik niet.
Ik was gewoon te moe.
203
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,249
Hoe ben
je eruit gekomen?
204
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,539
Nou, ik deed alsof ik in slaap viel
tijdens de massage.
205
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,663
Ik deed zelfs dat
zware ademhalingsgedoe.
206
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,289
Dus hij denkt
dat je in de echt diepe REM zit?
207
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,882
Maar de hele
zaak mislukte,
208
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,296
want toen
ik echt in slaap viel,
209
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:09,013
de baby begon te huilen
en toen deed Larry alsof hij sliep.
210
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:12,175
Gek.
Als hij net met de baby was opgestaan,
211
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,427
je zou op de trompetten hebben geblazen,
de poorten hebben geopend
212
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,178
en verwelkomde de troepen
thuis voor Kerstmis.
213
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,600
In een oogwenk.
214
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,265
Wat is er
met jou en Charlene aan de hand?
215
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,643
Oeh, had een geweldige
avond gisteravond.
216
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,315
En je beweert nog steeds dat
je niet vals speelt.
217
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:27,565
Ja.
Dat handhaaf ik met elke vezel van mijn wezen.
218
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,066
Online seks
is geen vreemdgaan.
219
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,654
Hoe kom je erachter?
220
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:34,120
Het is drie uur 's nachts,
je vrouw en kinderen slapen boven,
221
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,991
en je bent beneden in je studeerkamer
een of andere bimbo in cyberspace aan het neuken.
222
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:40,915
Oké, ten eerste,
we zijn niet aan het neuken, we zijn aan het typen.
223
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,585
En ten tweede,
en dit ben ik die aanstoot neemt,
224
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,878
Charlene is geen
bimbo.
225
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,046
Je hebt gelijk.
226
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:50,333
Ze is waarschijnlijk een effectenmakelaar genaamd Ralph die
zich voordoet als een of andere bimbo genaamd Charlene.
227
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,723
Waarom zou je op
zoiets moois pissen ?
228
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:54,724
Wat heb ik gezegd?
229
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:57,640
Het is geen affaire.
Teresa heeft nooit seks met hem gehad.
230
00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:58,888
Ze kusten gewoon.
231
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,224
Een kus is een affaire.
232
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,350
Denk je?
233
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,476
Absoluut.
234
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:07,446
Als je eenmaal iets echt
intiems met een andere persoon hebt vastgesteld,
235
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,110
zelfs praten,
236
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:12,909
het moet de persoon raken met wie je
het meest intiem zou moeten zijn.
237
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,655
Maar het gekke is dat
Teresa haar man kan neuken.
238
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:18,499
Ze kon hem gewoon niet kussen.
Ik bedoel, kus hem echt.
239
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,163
Het is niet zo gek.
240
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,832
Er zijn tijden geweest dat ik zo
boos op Stan was dat ik hem kon neuken,
241
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,876
maar ik wil die koeientong
niet bij mij in de buurt hebben.
242
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:28,125
Een kus kan zoveel
intiemer zijn dan seks.
243
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,219
Ja. Waarom is dat?
244
00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:33,760
Omdat neuken betekent, "Ja,
ja, ik hou van je", maar een kus...
245
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,849
Een kus betekent:
"Ik vind je leuk."
246
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:38,344
Dat klopt zo.
247
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:43,732
Ik heb al jaren niet gezoend, ik bedoel,
echt gezoend met Larry.
248
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,650
Maakt dat
je niet verdrietig?
249
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,436
Niet echt.
250
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:49,612
Waarom?
251
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:51,819
Ik weet het niet.
252
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:55,535
Omdat het onvermijdelijk is.
Het is de slijtage van het werk.
253
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:58,372
De luiers, de driftbuien,
het huiswerk, de hoofdsteden.
254
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,832
Het koninkrijk, stam, geslacht,
soort, je moeder, zijn moeder,
255
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,076
en plotseling, alles waar
je je bewust van bent?
256
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,373
is dat er te veel
natte handdoeken op de vloer liggen,
257
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,248
hij houdt de afstandsbediening vast
en hij krabt zich met een vork op zijn rug.
258
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,375
En eindelijk kom je
oog in oog te staan met de onveranderlijke waarheid
259
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:12,219
dat het vrijwel
onmogelijk is om iemand een tongzoen te geven
260
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,632
wie pakt de nieuwe rol
wc-papier
261
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:16,507
en laat het rusten op
de lege kartonnen rol.
262
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,884
God verhoede dat hij de twee
seconden nodig heeft om het daadwerkelijk te vervangen.
263
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:22,434
Ziet hij het niet?
Ziet hij het niet?
264
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:24,894
Ik zeg het je.
265
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:27,564
Het huwelijk is
de Jack Kevorkian van romantiek.
266
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,774
Oh God! Ah! Oh!
267
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,994
Oh Jezus. Shit!
268
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:38,574
- Hij sloeg me!
- Ik heb haar niet geslagen.
269
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,748
Ik liep de kamer uit
en ze stond me in de weg.
270
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,287
Ah! Hij deed het
met opzet.
271
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:45,627
Jongens, jongens, jongens,
wacht even, hou vol, hou vol, hou vol!
272
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,917
- Hallo? Hé, Ben? Wat?
- Hé, kijk, ik heb een grote rode...
273
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,291
- Laat haar scheuren!
- Katja.
274
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:53,169
Je gaat niet geloven
waar ik voor sta.
275
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,420
Ze breken
ons oude appartement af.
276
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:55,546
Ooh!
277
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:57,297
- Wat? Wat?
- Zien? Zien?
278
00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:58,765
Josh, heb je haar geslagen?
279
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,475
- Ze is ermee begonnen.
- Wat?
280
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,765
Ik zei haar nooit
in mijn kamer te komen zonder te vragen.
281
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:06,516
Het gaat naar het appartement van mevrouw Gutierrez.
Ooh, daar gaat haar raam.
282
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,939
Heb je
haar Discman geleend zonder te vragen?
283
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,937
Ja, maar, ik bedoel,
ze was er klaar mee.
284
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,028
Was je er klaar mee?
285
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,675
- Ben, ik kan nu niet praten.
- Ze heeft haar Discman al 2 dagen niet gebruikt.
286
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,658
Wauw! Ga gewoon naar
Jack Roikman's huis.
287
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:18,573
Herinner je je de man
met de patriottische orgasmes nog?
288
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:22,118
"God zegene Amerika!
God zegene Amerika! Land waar ik van hou!"
289
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,990
Kun je
hem niet gewoon de jouwe laten gebruiken?
290
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,414
Nee! Hij
laat me nooit gebruiken...
291
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,912
Ben, ik kan nu niet
praten.
292
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,006
Maar, Katie, hier zijn
jij en ik begonnen.
293
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,715
Dit is waar
we een ons werden.
294
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:37,213
Oh! Just hit the wall where we used
to measure the kids' heights.
295
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,966
Ben, I... Josh, you shouldn't
have hit your sister.
296
00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:41,012
No TV for a week.
297
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:44,144
You're so unfair.
Wait until I tell Dad.
298
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:48,147
Jesus Christ! I gotta go.
Are you okay?
299
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,609
Katie! Katie!
300
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:54,150
Goddamn it!
301
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,989
You don't think
fantasizing is cheating?
302
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,827
Oh, please.
Who was getting hurt?
303
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:03,410
Yesterday, I met this
stunning blonde woman
304
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,829
up at the food court
at the Beverly Center.
305
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:08,543
She had, like, one of those little rings
in the belly button thing.
306
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:10,879
Yeah. But you know
what? I forgave her.
307
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:13,624
'Cause at least it wasn't
in her eyebrow or in her tongue.
308
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:16,342
Beautiful. Beautiful.
We start chatting,
309
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:19,145
and we struck up a little conversation
waiting for our turkey roll-ups.
310
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,507
And I'm telling you,
she's smiling, I'm smiling.
311
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,476
And just that,
that 30-second encounter,
312
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,016
that alone will do
wonders for me tonight
313
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,208
when I'm shaking hands
with the sheriff.
314
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,349
I know exactly what
you're talking about.
315
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:33,060
- Am I wrong?
- No. No, you're right.
316
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:36,404
The other day, I told a joke to this
very intriguing woman
317
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:37,943
that I ran into
at the dry cleaners'.
318
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,193
I mean, if this had been the '30s,
she definitely would have been a communist.
319
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,365
Or at a minimum,
a communist sympathizer.
320
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,661
But the point is,
the way she laughed at that joke
321
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:49,910
reminded me of how
Rachel used to laugh at my jokes.
322
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:50,960
You gonna follow up?
323
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:53,501
Oh, no, I could
never do that.
324
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:57,877
I think the Ten Commandments
were probably a lot easier to stick to
325
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,924
when you dropped
dead at 35.
326
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,388
I mean, we...
They should be amended.
327
00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:05,350
They should have a little amendment,
like the Constitution, you know.
328
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,094
Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's house,
329
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,686
thy neighbor's wife,
thy neighbor's ass.
330
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:12,854
But, if you feel you have
to covet your neighbor's wife's ass,
331
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,022
just don't do it
in thy neighbor's house.
332
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:17,146
What is wrong with that?
A simple amendment.
333
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,113
Two-thirds majority.
Slide through both houses.
334
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,448
Seriously, name
me one person,
335
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:22,943
name one guy that you know
who's never cheated on his wife.
336
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,702
I wasn't cheating!
337
00:19:24,705 --> 00:19:25,946
I walk into your office,
338
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:28,994
and I hear you telling
some woman, some Sara,
339
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:32,043
intimate details
about our relationship,
340
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,003
about our problems?
341
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:37,215
Obviously there's something going on
between you and this woman.
342
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:40,382
There is nothing going on between us!
We were just talking!
343
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:42,550
About us?
About our life?
344
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,718
We were just talking!
345
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,593
That's not talking.
That's a relationship!
346
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,057
Why didn't you tell me about
her if there's nothing to hide?
347
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:51,271
Why didn't you tell me?
348
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,230
I just needed
somebody to talk to!
349
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,475
Bullshit!
350
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:56,898
Why didn't you talk to me?
351
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:59,442
Mommy, I need
a drink of water.
352
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,280
I'll be right there,
honey.
353
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:03,470
You wanna know why I don't talk to you?
You wanna know why?
354
00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:06,407
Because you treat me like
I'm some big fucking pain in the ass
355
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,451
that gets in the way
of what otherwise would be
356
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,824
a perfectly normal,
organized life!
357
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:14,545
Have you ever thought that
maybe everything isn't always about you?
358
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:16,834
Maybe I'm tired.
359
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:19,504
Maybe I'm dealing
with 5,000 things all day long.
360
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:22,423
Maybe every little need
you have doesn't always have to be met
361
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:25,343
at the exact moment
you need it to be met.
362
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,760
Mommy!
363
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:29,134
God, we have actual
kids here, Ben.
364
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,478
I am not a third child!
365
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,598
I am not talking about having
every one of my needs met!
366
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:37,567
I'm talking about
a connection, a look,
367
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,608
something that says that
we're on the same side here.
368
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,114
Why don't you talk
to your girlfriend?
369
00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:46,110
I'm sure she can help us
get back on the same side.
370
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:58,414
The key to a happy marriage is to accept
the essential chasm between men and women.
371
00:20:58,424 --> 00:20:59,424
Which is?
372
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,008
A man can mend
a fight with sex.
373
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:04,378
A woman can't have sex
until they've resolved the fight.
374
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:06,053
Why is that?
375
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,799
It's the basic difference between
the penis and the vagina.
376
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:12,769
A penis is a thruster,
a battering ram, if you will.
377
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,936
Even if it's mad, it can ram.
Sometimes it even helps.
378
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,182
It's the mad-ram
principle.
379
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:20,186
However, the vagina...
Ah, the vagina.
380
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:23,647
The vagina has
to be relaxed
381
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:26,240
in order to open
and receive.
382
00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:29,156
It can't be that gracious hostess
in a state of anger.
383
00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:31,325
And that goes for blow jobs
and kissing as well.
384
00:21:31,332 --> 00:21:37,920
Every female point of entry needs to
know that the penis is coming in peace.
385
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:39,038
Do you have any
Sweet'N Low?
386
00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,630
Would Equal be okay?
387
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,044
Whatever.
388
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:50,553
I've always felt that no matter
what Katie and I were going through,
389
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,095
no matter how painful
things got,
390
00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:57,222
if our feet found each other under the blankets,
even just the slightest connection,
391
00:21:57,233 --> 00:22:00,442
it would let us know that we'd entered
the demilitarized zone,
392
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:03,778
that we were gonna be okay,
that we were still an us.
393
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:09,693
There are some hurts
that you never completely get over,
394
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:14,539
and you think, I don't know
that time will diminish their presence.
395
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:18,456
And to a degree, it does,
but, uh, it still hurts,
396
00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:20,169
because, well,
397
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:22,756
hurt hurts.
398
00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:31,807
If you lose your room key,
contact the front desk.
399
00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:36,304
En als je waardevolle spullen hebt, bewaar ze dan
in de hotelkluis. Het is gratis.
400
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:41,562
Wat dacht u van een pizza bij het zwembad
van ons café Wolfgang Puck?
401
00:22:42,236 --> 00:22:45,570
Daarna is het een korte wandeling
naar de Santa Monica Pier en het strand.
402
00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:49,487
Wanneer de kinderen acteren, zullen
de golven hen rechtzetten.
403
00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:10,008
De Patriot is het bewijs
dat raketverdediging werkt.
404
00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:12,973
En zoals ons is geleerd
door Saddam Hoessein...
405
00:23:12,975 --> 00:23:14,591
Er is iets aan de manier waarop
die man 'Saddam' zegt
406
00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:16,559
dat maakt dat ik
je nog meer wil.
407
00:23:16,562 --> 00:23:19,430
Eén heerser zonder respect
voor menselijk fatsoen.
408
00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:30,694
O mijn God!
409
00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:32,784
- Ja schatje.
- De tandenfee.
410
00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:34,743
- Waar?
- Josh' tand.
411
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,409
We zijn vergeten te plaatsen
geld onder zijn kussen te leggen.
412
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,531
Lieve schat.
413
00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:40,329
Lieverd, Josh slaapt.
Ik weet zeker dat dit nog een paar minuten kan wachten.
414
00:23:40,336 --> 00:23:42,999
Nee, nee, nee, schat!
Misschien vergeten we het later.
415
00:23:45,883 --> 00:23:47,419
Nou, wie gaat er?
416
00:23:48,218 --> 00:23:50,631
Steen Papier Schaar.
Shit!
417
00:23:54,475 --> 00:23:55,636
Meneer de president,
418
00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:58,181
Ik vertrouw je
mijn binnenkort naakte vrouw toe.
419
00:23:58,604 --> 00:24:02,188
Jij zorgt voor haar, zorgt voor het land.
En mijn liefde voor Barbara.
420
00:24:02,191 --> 00:24:03,307
Ik ben zo terug.
421
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:04,770
Oh, Ben!
422
00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:05,858
Wat?
423
00:24:07,237 --> 00:24:08,318
Ah?
424
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:15,785
Ik ben zo terug.
425
00:25:04,962 --> 00:25:08,581
Alles wat belangrijk is
in de wereld ligt nu in dit bed.
426
00:25:12,636 --> 00:25:14,002
Ik houd van je.
427
00:25:15,097 --> 00:25:16,463
Ik houd van je.
428
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:52,917
Hallo, je hebt het huis van Jordan,
Jordanië, Jordanië en Jordanië bereikt.
429
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:55,009
Nary a Jordan is momenteel aanwezig
,
430
00:25:55,012 --> 00:25:58,505
dus als je een bericht wilt achterlaten voor Katie,
Ben, Josh of Erin,
431
00:25:58,515 --> 00:26:00,097
wat is een betere tijd dan...
432
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,269
Hallo, ik ben het.
433
00:26:05,272 --> 00:26:07,264
Ik bel alleen om te vragen
hoe het met de kinderen gaat,
434
00:26:08,358 --> 00:26:10,224
kijken of we
ansichtkaarten van hen hebben.
435
00:26:11,070 --> 00:26:14,154
Als er iets is,
kun je me bellen.
436
00:26:14,156 --> 00:26:16,443
Oke. Tot ziens.
437
00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:33,293
Hallo?
438
00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:34,924
Hoi.
439
00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:36,008
Oh Hallo.
440
00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:39,421
Uh, luister,
ik heb net je bericht ontvangen.
441
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:41,343
Ik stond onder de douche
toen je belde.
442
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:44,809
De kinderen lijken
het heel goed te doen.
443
00:26:44,812 --> 00:26:48,180
Ik heb
de ansichtkaarten net in een envelop gestopt.
444
00:26:48,190 --> 00:26:50,728
Je zou
ze morgen moeten krijgen.
445
00:26:50,734 --> 00:26:51,850
Mooi zo.
446
00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:55,399
Gaat het?
447
00:26:56,073 --> 00:26:58,406
Ja, ik ben in orde.
Gaat het?
448
00:26:59,201 --> 00:27:01,113
Ja, ik ben in orde.
449
00:27:03,747 --> 00:27:04,908
Oke.
450
00:27:08,043 --> 00:27:09,124
Doei.
451
00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:12,079
Doei.
452
00:27:23,058 --> 00:27:26,768
De wereld van
de honingbij is gevuld met zonneschijn,
453
00:27:26,770 --> 00:27:29,387
weiden
en felgekleurde bloemen.
454
00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:35,352
Honingbijen leven
in goed georganiseerde huizen die netelroos worden genoemd.
455
00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:39,106
Het is hier dat ze hun jongen grootbrengen
en hun honing maken.
456
00:27:50,878 --> 00:27:51,994
Hallo?
457
00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:54,087
Ja, hallo. Ik ben het.
458
00:27:54,923 --> 00:27:56,209
Oh Hallo.
459
00:27:59,261 --> 00:28:00,593
Hoe gaat het met jou?
460
00:28:00,596 --> 00:28:03,009
Het gaat goed met mij. Mooi zo.
Ja, echt goed.
461
00:28:03,015 --> 00:28:05,177
Mooi zo. Hoe gaat het?
462
00:28:05,184 --> 00:28:06,265
Hoezo?
463
00:28:07,352 --> 00:28:08,388
Hoe gaat het?
464
00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:10,053
Oh, eh...
465
00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:15,475
Weet je, ik dacht net aan
de badkamer boven, en ik wilde je eraan herinneren
466
00:28:15,485 --> 00:28:18,523
om die vent
in te plannen om binnen te komen en de badkuip opnieuw te breeuwen.
467
00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:20,317
Ik heb het al gedaan.
468
00:28:20,824 --> 00:28:23,316
Oh. Eh... Nou.
469
00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:25,652
Mooi zo.
470
00:28:26,580 --> 00:28:28,242
Oke. eh...
471
00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:31,327
Vervolgens...
472
00:28:32,461 --> 00:28:33,497
Doei.
473
00:28:34,046 --> 00:28:35,207
Doei.
474
00:28:41,470 --> 00:28:44,713
Okee. Iedereen ziet er geweldig uit.
Hier komt Ron.
475
00:28:46,767 --> 00:28:48,349
Okee. Heb je
alles eruit gehaald?
476
00:28:50,646 --> 00:28:51,682
Hallo.
477
00:28:51,939 --> 00:28:56,229
Ik belde net om te zien of je
de naam herinnert van die boomchirurg die we gebruikten.
478
00:28:56,777 --> 00:28:57,893
Joey Bisschop.
479
00:28:57,903 --> 00:29:00,145
Ja.
Ja, maar nee.
480
00:29:00,864 --> 00:29:02,651
Maar het was een van die
Rat Pack-jongens, toch?
481
00:29:02,658 --> 00:29:03,774
Ja, juist.
482
00:29:03,784 --> 00:29:05,491
- Frank Sinatra.
- Nee.
483
00:29:05,494 --> 00:29:06,826
- Decaan Maarten.
- Nee.
484
00:29:07,162 --> 00:29:08,323
Sammy Davis, Jr.?
485
00:29:08,705 --> 00:29:10,822
Dat is het!
Joey Davis Jr.!
486
00:29:11,458 --> 00:29:13,996
Joey Davis, Jr.,
de boomchirurg.
487
00:29:14,002 --> 00:29:16,665
Ik zie nog steeds het bordje op die kleine
blauwe vrachtwagen van hem.
488
00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:19,755
Rechts. Oke, bedankt.
489
00:29:20,467 --> 00:29:23,380
Oke. Doei.
490
00:29:23,887 --> 00:29:26,675
Luister, je shirts kwamen terug
van de schoonmakers.
491
00:29:27,224 --> 00:29:29,932
Oh. Eh, gaaf.
492
00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:32,385
Ik kom langs om ze te halen.
493
00:29:32,396 --> 00:29:34,308
Omdat ik ze kan
afzetten.
494
00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:36,897
Nee nee. Nee, het is goed zo.
Ik kom ze graag halen.
495
00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:38,816
Wat zou
voor jou een goede tijd zijn?
496
00:29:39,987 --> 00:29:42,946
Ik weet het niet.
Waarom kom je morgen niet langs?
497
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:45,941
Ik ben om zeven uur thuis.
Als je wilt, kun je blijven eten.
498
00:29:47,244 --> 00:29:48,325
Weet je het zeker?
499
00:29:49,121 --> 00:29:50,237
Nee.
500
00:29:51,331 --> 00:29:52,447
Oke.
501
00:29:53,083 --> 00:29:54,244
Ik zie je morgen.
502
00:32:00,085 --> 00:32:01,121
Hoi.
503
00:32:01,878 --> 00:32:02,994
Hoi.
504
00:32:06,758 --> 00:32:09,842
Je ziet eruit als...
zoals jij.
505
00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:13,845
Jij ook.
506
00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:23,639
Ik denk dat ik hier
de hele nacht op de veranda kan staan .
507
00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:25,892
Ik bedoel, ik ben in het huis geweest.
Ik heb het gezien.
508
00:32:25,902 --> 00:32:29,441
Hoe vaak hebben we niet gezegd:
"We zouden deze veranda echt vaker moeten gebruiken"?
509
00:32:29,448 --> 00:32:33,237
Kom binnen. Kom binnen.
Mijn huis is letterlijk jouw huis.
510
00:32:33,994 --> 00:32:35,201
Bedankt.
511
00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:41,407
Hé, daar is mijn
stomerij.
512
00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:43,751
Ja, ik heb het
voor je weggelaten .
513
00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:46,370
Mooi zo. Op die manier zal
ik eraan denken om het mee te nemen.
514
00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:48,919
Omdat ik het
in de kast zou kunnen leggen , maar ik...
515
00:32:48,925 --> 00:32:52,384
Nee nee. Dat is een perfecte
stomerijplaatsing.
516
00:32:54,931 --> 00:32:57,139
- Wil je iets drinken?
- Wil je iets...
517
00:32:58,602 --> 00:33:00,218
- Wil je wat wijn?
- Ja.
518
00:33:01,188 --> 00:33:03,475
I think I remember
where it is.
519
00:33:04,024 --> 00:33:05,936
If memory serves correct,
you like red wine?
520
00:33:05,942 --> 00:33:07,058
That's right.
521
00:33:07,068 --> 00:33:09,685
Yeah, yeah, it's all
coming back to me.
522
00:33:11,948 --> 00:33:14,907
Wine is breathing
a lot better than I am.
523
00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:21,497
So, hey, you'll never believe
what I did last night.
524
00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:22,866
What?
525
00:33:22,876 --> 00:33:25,243
I actually attempted
to do one of your crossword puzzles.
526
00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:26,494
No.
527
00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:27,916
Yes.
528
00:33:28,298 --> 00:33:32,338
I have a question. What was three-down?
I just couldn't get it.
529
00:33:32,886 --> 00:33:35,879
Four letters. "Feeling
of psychological discomfort."
530
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:37,765
"Blah."
531
00:33:39,226 --> 00:33:40,592
"Blah."
532
00:33:43,355 --> 00:33:44,516
Cheers.
533
00:33:44,981 --> 00:33:46,313
Cheers.
534
00:33:55,575 --> 00:33:56,736
Did...
535
00:33:58,537 --> 00:33:59,653
Was this always here?
536
00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:02,113
No, I bought
it last week.
537
00:34:04,584 --> 00:34:07,497
Any other new appliances
I should know about?
538
00:34:08,296 --> 00:34:11,209
Well, as long as we're spilling
our guts here,
539
00:34:11,216 --> 00:34:13,674
I also got this
new garlic press.
540
00:34:14,636 --> 00:34:17,128
The body's not even cold,
and she's out buying garlic presses.
541
00:34:31,027 --> 00:34:32,484
How do you think
the kids are doing?
542
00:34:32,654 --> 00:34:35,488
Well, from the cards,
it sounds like they're doing pretty good.
543
00:34:35,490 --> 00:34:37,777
I think Erin misses us,
but she's okay.
544
00:34:38,326 --> 00:34:40,192
Yeah, she seems okay.
545
00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:42,115
You think she's okay?
546
00:34:42,122 --> 00:34:43,329
I think she's okay.
547
00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:46,407
Because I think she senses
that we're not okay, and...
548
00:34:47,711 --> 00:34:49,452
Parents' Weekend
is coming.
549
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:53,463
Well, we'll just
have to give her
550
00:34:54,801 --> 00:34:58,465
a lot of extra attention
and really love her up.
551
00:34:59,222 --> 00:35:00,463
Yeah.
552
00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:10,855
Should we eat?
553
00:35:10,859 --> 00:35:12,600
Yeah, I could eat.
554
00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:18,780
This is really good.
555
00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:19,864
Thanks.
556
00:35:23,496 --> 00:35:24,862
High-Low?
557
00:35:24,873 --> 00:35:26,080
Sure.
558
00:35:26,708 --> 00:35:27,789
What's your high?
559
00:35:28,877 --> 00:35:30,243
- Honestly?
- Yeah.
560
00:35:31,421 --> 00:35:32,537
Right now.
561
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:35,918
And your low?
562
00:35:38,345 --> 00:35:40,837
Every minute of
the last two weeks.
563
00:35:42,599 --> 00:35:43,635
How about you?
564
00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:50,187
My high would have to be the Cuisinart,
because I wanted it ever so badly.
565
00:35:50,690 --> 00:35:51,976
And your low?
566
00:35:51,983 --> 00:35:53,269
Hmm...
567
00:35:53,276 --> 00:35:54,392
I would have to say
the garlic press.
568
00:35:54,402 --> 00:35:56,815
It's not nearly as handy
as I thought it would be.
569
00:35:57,697 --> 00:36:01,031
I lay myself open,
and you mock me with kitchenware.
570
00:36:01,034 --> 00:36:03,902
All the while making me
more attractive to you.
571
00:36:06,206 --> 00:36:07,447
Is that your intention?
572
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:14,373
I'm not sure.
573
00:36:15,632 --> 00:36:18,340
Well, it's working.
574
00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:49,325
Well, looks like I haven't been doing
too much reading.
575
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,582
Yeah. No. Right.
576
00:36:53,128 --> 00:36:54,128
Whoa!
577
00:36:55,630 --> 00:36:58,748
Okay. I'm ready.
How about you?
578
00:36:59,884 --> 00:37:01,716
- I, uh...
- What?
579
00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:03,882
- Uh...
- Come on, Katie.
580
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:05,345
Remember what
Dr. Tischner said,
581
00:37:05,348 --> 00:37:08,466
"If you had it once,
you can always get it back."
582
00:37:09,269 --> 00:37:13,013
Was that Dr. Tischner
or was that Dr. Hopkins?
583
00:37:14,566 --> 00:37:15,773
- Hopkins?
- Yeah.
584
00:37:15,775 --> 00:37:17,266
The one with
the sibilant "S."
585
00:37:17,277 --> 00:37:21,817
Right. No. Wrong.
It was a lateral lisp.
586
00:37:22,407 --> 00:37:25,775
Sex is simply
a symbolic expression
587
00:37:25,785 --> 00:37:27,868
of the emotional status
of a relationship.
588
00:37:28,496 --> 00:37:33,207
Sustained lack of sex is
symptomatic of disassociation.
589
00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:37,086
No, no. The one
with the lateral lisp was Dr. Rifkin.
590
00:37:37,088 --> 00:37:40,297
Dr. Hopkins was the one
with the Rorschach birthmark on his forehead.
591
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,508
Right. The one that looked like
the state of California.
592
00:37:42,510 --> 00:37:44,968
How could you pay attention
to anything that guy was saying?
593
00:37:45,305 --> 00:37:47,592
This cycle
of closeness,
594
00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:50,057
then estrangement
you've both told me about,
595
00:37:50,059 --> 00:37:53,723
what instigates it, triggers it?
First thing that comes to your mind.
596
00:37:53,730 --> 00:37:55,847
- Sacramento.
- Governor Gray Davis.
597
00:37:55,857 --> 00:37:59,976
Oh, my personal favorite was
the Freudian with the prostate problem.
598
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:03,862
When two people
go to bed,
599
00:38:03,865 --> 00:38:06,608
there are actually
six people in that bed.
600
00:38:08,203 --> 00:38:09,694
If you'll excuse me.
601
00:38:12,081 --> 00:38:14,414
Are we allowed to talk when he's gone?
602
00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:16,454
I don't know.
603
00:38:17,295 --> 00:38:18,661
What do you think?
604
00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:20,496
To be on the safe side,
maybe we better not.
605
00:38:29,349 --> 00:38:32,057
The six people in bed
are the two of you,
606
00:38:32,435 --> 00:38:35,178
and your parents,
and your parents.
607
00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:38,689
Now, the key is...
608
00:38:39,359 --> 00:38:41,396
Will you excuse me,
please?
609
00:38:44,697 --> 00:38:47,440
I can't believe that guy
charged us for the full session.
610
00:38:47,450 --> 00:38:49,817
The man was peeing
on our time.
611
00:38:53,540 --> 00:38:56,203
All that therapy was just
a waste of time and money.
612
00:38:56,209 --> 00:38:59,122
When you think about it,
where did all that therapy really get us?
613
00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:02,087
It got us right here,
laughing about it.
614
00:39:02,090 --> 00:39:04,002
- He's right.
- Oh, what are you talking about?
615
00:39:04,008 --> 00:39:06,045
Once it's broken,
it can never really be fixed.
616
00:39:06,052 --> 00:39:07,338
- I don't know.
- The queen has spoken.
617
00:39:07,345 --> 00:39:08,461
- What?
- Nothing.
618
00:39:08,471 --> 00:39:09,757
Maybe it's just
too soon.
619
00:39:09,764 --> 00:39:11,471
Too soon?
What are you talking about?
620
00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:14,091
The whole point of having a knockdown,
drag-out fight
621
00:39:14,102 --> 00:39:16,310
is playing "Hide the Salami"
afterwards.
622
00:39:16,312 --> 00:39:17,803
See?
623
00:39:17,814 --> 00:39:18,930
Let hard times
bring you together.
624
00:39:18,940 --> 00:39:20,431
Nobody said
it would be easy.
625
00:39:20,441 --> 00:39:22,398
Can't we let hard
times bring us together?
626
00:39:22,402 --> 00:39:24,109
Nobody said
it was gonna be easy.
627
00:39:24,112 --> 00:39:25,478
It's like
the Andrews Sisters.
628
00:39:25,488 --> 00:39:27,275
After Boogie
Woogie Bugle Boy
629
00:39:27,282 --> 00:39:29,399
and before
Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree.
630
00:39:29,409 --> 00:39:31,571
Big career
slump there.
631
00:39:31,578 --> 00:39:32,785
It's like
the Andrews Sisters before
632
00:39:32,787 --> 00:39:34,369
Don't Sit Under
The Apple Tree.
633
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:35,488
The Andrews Sisters?
634
00:39:35,498 --> 00:39:38,366
Sure. They didn't stop singing
just because they had a few flops.
635
00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:40,618
They hung in there,
and the rest is music history.
636
00:39:40,628 --> 00:39:43,462
Don't sit under the apple tree
with anyone else but me
637
00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:44,625
Uh, I just don't
understand
638
00:39:44,632 --> 00:39:46,498
- why you're bringing up the Andrews Sisters now.
- No, no, no.
639
00:39:46,509 --> 00:39:48,626
- You're singing?
- It's just an example, Katie.
640
00:39:48,636 --> 00:39:50,923
These kids are in trouble,
and you're singing?
641
00:39:50,930 --> 00:39:54,799
Oh, Dot. Put out once in a while.
Your face won't be so tight.
642
00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:55,925
Slut.
643
00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:58,427
I just don't understand
what their career slump
644
00:39:58,438 --> 00:40:00,270
has to do with our
marital problems.
645
00:40:00,273 --> 00:40:01,354
Don't sit under
the apple tree
646
00:40:01,357 --> 00:40:02,473
What are we
supposed to do?
647
00:40:02,483 --> 00:40:04,645
Making matters worse
by dwelling on every little thing
648
00:40:04,652 --> 00:40:06,018
- for the rest of our lives?
- Harry!
649
00:40:06,029 --> 00:40:08,817
Is that what you think I do?
Is that how you see me?
650
00:40:08,823 --> 00:40:09,984
You're a child,
Harry.
651
00:40:09,991 --> 00:40:11,402
That I just dwell
on everything?
652
00:40:11,618 --> 00:40:13,655
You're
a 72-year-old infant.
653
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:17,655
There are real problems here
that we haven't even begun to deal with.
654
00:40:17,665 --> 00:40:20,999
Don't you think I know that?
Jesus, what happened to you?
655
00:40:21,002 --> 00:40:22,459
What happened
to that fun girl,
656
00:40:22,462 --> 00:40:24,078
the one with the pith helmet?
Where did she go?
657
00:40:24,088 --> 00:40:27,331
You don't think I ask
myself that every day?
658
00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:31,214
You beat her out of me!
There's no room here for her.
659
00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:32,677
You think it's all
fun and games, Harry.
660
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,047
So, I guess it's all my fault
that you hang on to every little thing.
661
00:40:35,058 --> 00:40:36,594
But the car doesn't
drive by itself.
662
00:40:36,601 --> 00:40:38,638
It's all my fault that you can't let
go of anything.
663
00:40:38,645 --> 00:40:39,931
Someone has
to take the wheel.
664
00:40:39,938 --> 00:40:42,271
It's all my fault that you turned into
your goddamn mother?
665
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:44,014
Fuck you!
666
00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:23,641
- Katie...
- No.
667
00:41:30,613 --> 00:41:32,024
Look, I still think that
there is a chance...
668
00:41:32,031 --> 00:41:34,398
Ben, you love
who we were.
669
00:41:34,409 --> 00:41:37,902
You couldn't possibly love
what we've become.
670
00:41:39,163 --> 00:41:41,155
I think I spotted us
at dinner tonight.
671
00:41:43,251 --> 00:41:46,585
We can't stay together
just because we get a glimpse of us
672
00:41:46,587 --> 00:41:48,544
every once in a while.
673
00:41:49,215 --> 00:41:51,423
It was less
than 15 minutes ago.
674
00:41:53,386 --> 00:41:56,424
All we proved that is if we're
apart for weeks at a time,
675
00:41:56,431 --> 00:41:57,547
we might be able
to get through a dinner.
676
00:41:57,557 --> 00:41:59,298
- That's not a marriage.
- Katie.
677
00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:00,549
Ben...
678
00:42:05,815 --> 00:42:07,272
It's over.
679
00:42:44,479 --> 00:42:46,220
You're writing a book
about your grandmother?
680
00:42:46,230 --> 00:42:48,643
Yeah. She was
an extraordinary woman.
681
00:42:48,900 --> 00:42:50,482
Oh, I'm sure she was.
682
00:42:50,485 --> 00:42:51,771
Did she fuck
a president?
683
00:42:51,778 --> 00:42:52,894
No.
684
00:42:52,904 --> 00:42:55,146
No. Did she
discover uranium?
685
00:42:55,156 --> 00:42:56,237
No.
686
00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:57,401
- A cure for cancer?
- No.
687
00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:59,240
- Nothing like that?
- No.
688
00:42:59,494 --> 00:43:01,827
Why would anybody
want to read a book about her?
689
00:43:01,829 --> 00:43:04,663
Because, Dave,
she was four-foot-nine.
690
00:43:04,665 --> 00:43:06,497
She immigrated from Europe
when she was a little girl.
691
00:43:06,501 --> 00:43:09,585
She worked in a sweatshop
making buttonholes 14 hours a day,
692
00:43:09,587 --> 00:43:11,920
and yet somehow
managed to raise five kids
693
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:14,461
and stay married
to the same man for 57 years.
694
00:43:14,467 --> 00:43:15,548
I'm telling you, Dave,
695
00:43:15,551 --> 00:43:17,634
this is gonna be the greatest
love story ever told.
696
00:43:19,472 --> 00:43:22,510
Let me explain something to you.
Not as your agent.
697
00:43:22,892 --> 00:43:24,724
This is as a friend.
698
00:43:27,730 --> 00:43:29,722
Come here.
Come here.
699
00:43:30,525 --> 00:43:33,438
All right. You see
all these people out here, huh?
700
00:43:33,444 --> 00:43:36,278
You see they're getting into buildings.
They're driving in cars.
701
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:39,318
They're crossing the street there.
They're walking around.
702
00:43:39,867 --> 00:43:42,450
Every single one
of these people
703
00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:45,992
is going to die someday.
And they all know it.
704
00:43:47,291 --> 00:43:50,500
Which is why
they tend to regard
705
00:43:50,503 --> 00:43:53,086
the time that they
have on this planet as precious.
706
00:43:53,089 --> 00:43:56,582
Now, there are a lot of things
that take up a lot of that time,
707
00:43:56,592 --> 00:43:59,881
even if they don't enjoy it.
They have to go to work. They have to get dressed.
708
00:43:59,887 --> 00:44:03,881
They have to wait in lines.
They have to clean yards. They gotta get batteries.
709
00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:05,974
They have to visit
the eye doctors.
710
00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:07,513
They're doing
all these things.
711
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:12,356
Now, add that to the time they spend
sleeping and eating,
712
00:44:12,358 --> 00:44:15,647
and washing up
and voting,
713
00:44:15,653 --> 00:44:18,066
and buying gifts
for people they don't even like,
714
00:44:18,072 --> 00:44:21,611
and you can see why they're
so choosy about how they spend
715
00:44:21,617 --> 00:44:23,028
whatever leisure
time they do have.
716
00:44:23,286 --> 00:44:24,868
And you can
understand why,
717
00:44:24,871 --> 00:44:28,080
unless she went down on
somebody really interesting,
718
00:44:28,082 --> 00:44:30,324
why they're not gonna
waste their valuable time
719
00:44:30,334 --> 00:44:33,827
reading a book about your
fucking grandmother!
720
00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:39,587
So if I'm reading you right,
you don't like the idea.
721
00:44:39,594 --> 00:44:40,835
It's not that.
722
00:44:51,814 --> 00:44:55,683
You know, I find the Ariana much more
fragrant than the Raphaela.
723
00:44:55,693 --> 00:44:59,107
Ari... Oh.
I'll keep that in mind.
724
00:44:59,530 --> 00:45:01,146
- How you doing?
- Fine.
725
00:45:01,741 --> 00:45:05,155
I never got a chance to thank you
for holding the camp bus.
726
00:45:05,161 --> 00:45:08,495
Oh, please, please.
Any time you need a bus held, I am your guy.
727
00:45:08,497 --> 00:45:10,159
And I noticed Erin's
teeth are looking good.
728
00:45:10,166 --> 00:45:11,657
Thanks to you.
729
00:45:11,667 --> 00:45:13,909
I just hope she's remembering
to wear her night retainer.
730
00:45:14,462 --> 00:45:16,374
Well, you know how
kids are at camp.
731
00:45:16,380 --> 00:45:20,044
Oh, please. The minute my Kevin gets
off that bus, it's goodbye, bite plate.
732
00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:21,545
Is that for you?
733
00:45:21,552 --> 00:45:23,134
Oh, uh... Yes.
734
00:45:23,512 --> 00:45:26,880
When Deirdre and I got divorced,
I decided that I had to learn how to cook.
735
00:45:26,891 --> 00:45:29,850
Ah. The Wok-y World
of Thai Cooking.
736
00:45:29,852 --> 00:45:31,263
I'm branching out.
737
00:45:31,270 --> 00:45:32,556
You know, as a matter
of fact, I'm taking
738
00:45:32,563 --> 00:45:34,020
a Thai cooking course
this summer.
739
00:45:34,482 --> 00:45:37,646
Really?
I've always been interested in Asian cooking.
740
00:45:37,652 --> 00:45:39,359
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
741
00:45:39,362 --> 00:45:40,694
Well, why don't
you join me?
742
00:45:43,449 --> 00:45:45,156
When I think about it,
743
00:45:45,660 --> 00:45:49,324
over the years, there were less and
less moments in the course of the day
744
00:45:49,330 --> 00:45:52,789
when Ben and I actually
made real eye contact.
745
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:54,332
You are not
gonna believe...
746
00:45:54,335 --> 00:45:56,622
- Shh.
- What?
747
00:45:56,629 --> 00:45:58,165
He's almost asleep.
748
00:45:59,924 --> 00:46:01,836
Maybe
it was the stuff of life.
749
00:46:02,385 --> 00:46:03,842
"Who's going to take
Erin to school?"
750
00:46:03,844 --> 00:46:04,960
Come here.
751
00:46:04,971 --> 00:46:07,509
"Whose turn is it to pick
up Josh from his clarinet lesson?"
752
00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:08,676
- Go! Go!
- Yes!
753
00:46:08,683 --> 00:46:09,844
But after a while
754
00:46:09,850 --> 00:46:13,218
there was a disturbing comfort in not
really having to deal with each other.
755
00:46:13,229 --> 00:46:17,189
Because somehow,
you just get used to the disconnection.
756
00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:22,236
And even at night, when we could finally
come together, we wound up facing forward.
757
00:46:22,238 --> 00:46:26,824
Yeah, we were tired, but I think we were
afraid that if we faced each other,
758
00:46:26,826 --> 00:46:28,533
there'd be
nothing there.
759
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,282
We're learning
Mee Krob next week.
760
00:46:31,497 --> 00:46:32,988
Mee Krob?
761
00:46:34,417 --> 00:46:35,783
I'll let you know.
762
00:46:35,793 --> 00:46:36,874
Okay.
763
00:46:37,378 --> 00:46:38,914
Oh. Here.
764
00:46:40,006 --> 00:46:41,872
I'll call you. Uh...
You call me.
765
00:46:41,882 --> 00:46:43,043
Okay.
766
00:46:48,180 --> 00:46:50,012
When we drove to the camp for Parents'
Weekend,
767
00:46:50,016 --> 00:46:52,258
I was scared to death
of having to face the kids.
768
00:46:53,561 --> 00:46:56,144
It was the kind of thing you would
talk about with a best friend,
769
00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:57,513
but Katie had been
my best friend,
770
00:46:57,523 --> 00:46:59,936
and now I didn't know
what we were to each other,
771
00:46:59,942 --> 00:47:02,309
except Josh
and Erin's parents.
772
00:47:29,096 --> 00:47:30,212
What?
773
00:47:32,183 --> 00:47:33,390
Nothing.
774
00:47:36,395 --> 00:47:37,886
...is nothing?
775
00:47:39,482 --> 00:47:41,724
This is not going
to be easy.
776
00:47:43,069 --> 00:47:46,278
Look, I swear to God, Ben, the kids do not
need to be burdened with our problems.
777
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:48,397
They've still got
half a summer left.
778
00:47:48,407 --> 00:47:51,366
Yeah, like that was my plan,
to burden the kids with our problems.
779
00:47:51,369 --> 00:47:54,362
Jesus Christ, Katie,
will you give me some fucking credit?
780
00:47:54,372 --> 00:47:55,908
- Mom!
- Dad!
781
00:47:55,915 --> 00:47:57,031
Hey!
782
00:47:57,041 --> 00:47:58,202
Hey!
783
00:47:59,335 --> 00:48:00,951
- Hi!
- Hi! Oh.
784
00:48:00,961 --> 00:48:02,702
I missed you.
785
00:48:03,130 --> 00:48:06,794
I missed you so much.
I missed you both so much.
786
00:48:07,134 --> 00:48:08,591
Dad?
787
00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:11,257
Dad, pull yourself
together.
788
00:48:12,264 --> 00:48:14,051
Dad, get off of me!
789
00:48:16,227 --> 00:48:18,970
You guys both look terrific.
Show us your bunks.
790
00:48:19,814 --> 00:48:21,601
Yeah, I wanna see
your bunks, too.
791
00:48:21,774 --> 00:48:24,266
Hey, did you guys get your favorite
room at the lodge, the Acorn Cabin?
792
00:48:24,276 --> 00:48:25,687
Yeah. Yeah, we did.
793
00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:27,564
Yeah, we got the Acorn Cabin.
794
00:48:27,571 --> 00:48:28,652
Good morning,
Uncle Josh.
795
00:48:28,656 --> 00:48:29,656
Gentlemen.
796
00:48:57,726 --> 00:48:59,809
Children!
797
00:48:59,812 --> 00:49:01,553
I'm pulling
as hard as I can.
798
00:49:01,564 --> 00:49:02,975
- Pull!
- Ahh!
799
00:49:15,744 --> 00:49:17,280
God, I hate
lying to 'em.
800
00:49:17,621 --> 00:49:20,409
Me, too. We're not
even good at it.
801
00:49:20,416 --> 00:49:22,829
Even if we were good
at it, they'd still know.
802
00:49:46,817 --> 00:49:48,399
What is that?
803
00:49:48,402 --> 00:49:49,643
What's what?
804
00:49:49,653 --> 00:49:51,110
The thing you just
put in your mouth.
805
00:49:51,113 --> 00:49:52,979
Oh. It's my bite plate.
806
00:49:52,990 --> 00:49:54,071
Bite plate?
807
00:49:54,074 --> 00:49:56,031
Yeah, it's my
bite plate.
808
00:49:56,285 --> 00:49:57,901
Why do you have
a bite plate?
809
00:49:57,912 --> 00:49:59,278
For my bite.
810
00:50:00,247 --> 00:50:01,613
What's wrong
with your bite?
811
00:50:02,666 --> 00:50:04,407
It's askew.
812
00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:05,534
Askew.
813
00:50:05,544 --> 00:50:07,456
Yes, it's askew.
814
00:50:07,463 --> 00:50:10,956
So this would be
an attempt to "de-skew" it?
815
00:50:11,258 --> 00:50:13,375
- Yes.
- Huh.
816
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:17,595
You order
room service?
817
00:50:17,598 --> 00:50:18,679
No.
818
00:50:23,771 --> 00:50:25,888
- Erin.
- Erin?
819
00:50:25,898 --> 00:50:28,481
- Honey, what's the matter?
- Nothing. I'm okay.
820
00:50:28,484 --> 00:50:30,020
Honey,
are you okay?
821
00:50:30,027 --> 00:50:32,144
Yeah, I'm okay.
I'm fine.
822
00:50:32,154 --> 00:50:35,113
I just couldn't sleep,
so I snuck out after lights out.
823
00:50:35,824 --> 00:50:38,316
I know I just really
wanted to sleep with you guys.
824
00:50:40,454 --> 00:50:44,664
It's okay, sweetheart. I'll call the camp
and let them know you're here.
825
00:50:44,667 --> 00:50:45,874
Okay.
826
00:50:49,338 --> 00:50:51,796
Why is the bed made
up on the couch?
827
00:50:52,466 --> 00:50:55,459
Oh, honey, Daddy was just
doing a little reading
828
00:50:55,469 --> 00:50:57,711
and I didn't want
to wake Mommy up.
829
00:51:30,379 --> 00:51:33,247
Sometimes you just
can't climb out of the abyss.
830
00:51:34,091 --> 00:51:36,674
I kept thinking of last summer,
when Katie and I still hoped
831
00:51:36,677 --> 00:51:39,670
that if we could just put ourselves
in some idyllic setting,
832
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:43,594
that we could somehow get rid of all the
tension, and jump-start our marriage
833
00:51:43,601 --> 00:51:47,515
and maybe rediscover why we fell
in love in the first place.
834
00:51:47,521 --> 00:51:50,104
So last year,
after Parents' Weekend,
835
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:53,020
we thought that, maybe,
in a small trattoria in Venice,
836
00:51:53,027 --> 00:51:56,270
looking out at a beautiful sunset
next to a bottle of Chianti,
837
00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:59,402
we just might find
a set ofjumper cables.
838
00:52:01,201 --> 00:52:03,238
How you doing?
Two Italian ices, please.
839
00:52:04,371 --> 00:52:08,160
Honey, you don't have to say "Italian."
We're here. They know.
840
00:52:08,459 --> 00:52:10,041
So, what're you saying?
That if I'm in Belgium
841
00:52:10,044 --> 00:52:12,582
and I order a Belgian Waffle,
I just say "waffle"?
842
00:52:12,588 --> 00:52:14,705
Yes, just like
if you were in Ireland
843
00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:17,708
and you wanted a bowl of Irish stew,
you'd just say "stew."
844
00:52:17,885 --> 00:52:20,252
Well, you know, if you're in China
and you want some Chinese food,
845
00:52:20,262 --> 00:52:22,049
you just say, "Hey,
bring on the food."
846
00:52:23,390 --> 00:52:26,883
We couldn't help but overhear
your delightful repartee.
847
00:52:26,894 --> 00:52:29,682
We're the Kirbys from Cleveland.
And you are?
848
00:52:29,688 --> 00:52:31,475
- The Mansons.
- From Spahn Ranch.
849
00:52:31,482 --> 00:52:33,394
- Ah!
- That...
850
00:52:36,070 --> 00:52:37,402
That's a good one.
851
00:52:53,253 --> 00:52:55,415
Look, sweetie, right there,
the red cape.
852
00:52:55,422 --> 00:52:56,913
- Oh, I like that.
- Yeah.
853
00:53:00,344 --> 00:53:04,679
Hey! It's you...
People.
854
00:53:04,932 --> 00:53:06,423
Yeah, the Kirbys
from Cleveland.
855
00:53:06,433 --> 00:53:07,594
Joanie and Eddie.
856
00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:09,843
Sure, sure. How could we forget?
857
00:53:09,853 --> 00:53:11,936
We haven't stopped
talking about you.
858
00:53:11,939 --> 00:53:14,932
Well, this is like fate.
We have to get together, break bread.
859
00:53:14,942 --> 00:53:16,103
- Oh, definitely.
- Sounds great.
860
00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:18,022
We're at
the Hotel Pastafagiol.
861
00:53:19,196 --> 00:53:21,654
Uh, why don't you call us?
We're at the Europa Regina.
862
00:53:21,657 --> 00:53:23,740
- Great, great.
- Great, great. We'll call you.
863
00:53:23,742 --> 00:53:25,608
- Okay, great.
- Right on.
864
00:53:28,163 --> 00:53:29,620
- Wow. Look at this.
- This is beautiful.
865
00:53:29,623 --> 00:53:30,784
Yes, please.
This way.
866
00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:32,077
Oh, thank you.
867
00:53:32,084 --> 00:53:35,202
Canal-side seating.
Very nice.
868
00:53:37,256 --> 00:53:39,043
Oh, my God!
869
00:53:40,426 --> 00:53:41,962
Meant to be.
870
00:53:42,803 --> 00:53:44,965
Kismet, kismet!
871
00:53:44,972 --> 00:53:49,182
You know, we went looking for your hotel,
but we couldn't find it anywhere.
872
00:53:49,184 --> 00:53:50,800
Yeah, it's pretty
hard to find.
873
00:53:50,811 --> 00:53:52,677
Well, all's well
that ends well.
874
00:53:55,315 --> 00:53:58,808
I tell ya, it was just like fate,
the first time I met Joanie.
875
00:53:58,819 --> 00:54:00,685
I was working at Prudential
on the sixth floor,
876
00:54:00,696 --> 00:54:02,938
and Eddie was working
at Allied Mutual on the fourth floor.
877
00:54:02,948 --> 00:54:05,156
- Hand to God.
- And every day in the cafeteria,
878
00:54:05,159 --> 00:54:06,275
which was on
the third floor...
879
00:54:06,285 --> 00:54:08,304
I would see Joanie in the salad bar line,
JOANIE: Right.
880
00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:12,993
and she would smile at me.
Not just a smile. I mean, a really big smile.
881
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:16,493
And then, one day I was at the salad bar
at Beefsteak Charlie's,
882
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:18,916
and I thought I saw her
in that salad bar line.
883
00:54:18,922 --> 00:54:20,038
But it wasn't me.
884
00:54:20,048 --> 00:54:21,414
It wasn't Joanie!
885
00:54:21,425 --> 00:54:24,918
Wow. What are the odds of another
person in a salad bar line
886
00:54:24,928 --> 00:54:28,217
looking so much like Joanie,
and yet not actually being Joanie?
887
00:54:29,308 --> 00:54:31,721
What, like,
a trillion to one, huh?
888
00:54:31,727 --> 00:54:33,593
Could be higher
than that, Eddie.
889
00:54:33,604 --> 00:54:35,971
Well, anyway,
when I realized it wasn't Joanie,
890
00:54:35,981 --> 00:54:37,517
I was so disappointed.
891
00:54:37,524 --> 00:54:39,356
- Oh!
- And then I began to think
892
00:54:39,359 --> 00:54:42,147
about how much
I'd hoped that it was Joanie.
893
00:54:42,154 --> 00:54:44,646
But, at this point in the story,
you still hadn't met.
894
00:54:44,656 --> 00:54:45,737
No.
895
00:54:45,741 --> 00:54:49,906
And I couldn't get over how much I
wanted this person to be Joanie.
896
00:54:49,912 --> 00:54:52,825
And I think that
was the defining moment,
897
00:54:52,831 --> 00:54:56,040
because I went back to my wife there
at the table at Beefsteak Charlie's,
898
00:54:56,043 --> 00:54:59,081
and I realized that
I felt more alive
899
00:54:59,087 --> 00:55:01,545
thinking about that stranger
that I thought was Joanie,
900
00:55:01,548 --> 00:55:04,006
than I did sitting with this
stranger who was my wife.
901
00:55:04,009 --> 00:55:07,343
Well, we were both in marriages
that we had completely outgrown.
902
00:55:07,346 --> 00:55:09,759
Yeah, and you know,
maybe I didn't want to admit it,
903
00:55:09,765 --> 00:55:14,226
but maybe I didn't like myself enough
to be with someone who liked me.
904
00:55:14,228 --> 00:55:17,266
Can you imagine anybody
not liking Eddie Kirby?
905
00:55:17,272 --> 00:55:18,979
Oh, I'm not
so perfect.
906
00:55:18,982 --> 00:55:21,440
Oh, beg to differ.
907
00:55:21,443 --> 00:55:26,563
Anyway, that year, we both mustered up
enough courage to leave our marriages.
908
00:55:26,573 --> 00:55:28,439
So at this point
you had met.
909
00:55:28,450 --> 00:55:29,736
No.
910
00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:31,450
- Still hadn't met?
- No.
911
00:55:31,453 --> 00:55:35,663
But you know, after you've had
such a horrible marriage,
912
00:55:35,666 --> 00:55:38,158
you don't want to make
the same mistakes twice.
913
00:55:38,168 --> 00:55:40,501
So, I made an inner
pact with myself.
914
00:55:40,504 --> 00:55:42,541
I said, "Eddie Kirby,
915
00:55:42,548 --> 00:55:45,791
"you will never,
ever let the anger build up to the point
916
00:55:45,801 --> 00:55:47,212
"where you just don't
like your partner."
917
00:55:47,219 --> 00:55:48,335
I made the same pact.
918
00:55:48,345 --> 00:55:50,007
And that became
our credo.
919
00:55:50,013 --> 00:55:52,505
"Never go
to bed angry."
920
00:55:53,183 --> 00:55:55,641
So now we talk
everything through.
921
00:55:55,644 --> 00:55:59,012
We won't let even the tiniest
pea be under our mattress.
922
00:55:59,690 --> 00:56:01,852
That's why
we never eat in bed.
923
00:56:05,696 --> 00:56:06,982
Me, too.
924
00:56:10,742 --> 00:56:14,531
Who would've thought that the Kirbys,
the happiest couple never to have met,
925
00:56:14,538 --> 00:56:17,747
would turn out to be the greatest
aphrodisiac known to man?
926
00:56:43,901 --> 00:56:46,735
If only there was a way to bottle
that unfettered state of mind
927
00:56:46,737 --> 00:56:48,774
that comes with being
on foreign soil.
928
00:56:49,323 --> 00:56:55,194
To just hold on to it,
even for a day, an evening, an hour.
929
00:56:56,121 --> 00:57:00,661
Last year, when we got back from Italy,
God knows we gave it a try.
930
00:57:16,391 --> 00:57:18,223
Hey, look at this.
931
00:57:18,226 --> 00:57:22,140
While we were away, we got a special
message from his holiness, the Dalai Lama.
932
00:57:23,941 --> 00:57:26,399
It's something about a softball
team he's trying to get started.
933
00:57:27,986 --> 00:57:30,979
Hey, wanna write a letter to the kids
together, let them know we're back?
934
00:57:31,156 --> 00:57:32,363
Sure.
935
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:41,990
"Dear Josh and Erin."
936
00:57:42,709 --> 00:57:44,951
Oh, sure. You get
the easy part.
937
00:57:48,882 --> 00:57:50,214
"We're
938
00:57:51,510 --> 00:57:52,796
"back."
939
00:57:56,098 --> 00:57:57,179
"From
940
00:57:58,475 --> 00:57:59,761
"Europe."
941
00:58:00,644 --> 00:58:03,478
That's not a sentence.
It's a preposition and a continent.
942
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,688
No, I crossed out your period
and made a sentence.
943
00:58:05,983 --> 00:58:09,021
See? "We're back from Europe."
Your turn.
944
00:58:09,027 --> 00:58:10,609
Thank you.
945
00:58:11,321 --> 00:58:15,440
Exclamation point, comma,
closed parenthesis.
946
00:58:15,450 --> 00:58:17,487
"But I
947
00:58:18,161 --> 00:58:20,153
"don't want to talk
948
00:58:20,163 --> 00:58:22,496
"about grammar."
949
00:58:22,958 --> 00:58:24,324
Colon.
950
00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:28,954
"I want to make love
951
00:58:29,214 --> 00:58:32,707
"to your mother."
952
00:58:34,219 --> 00:58:36,211
No, you didn't
write that.
953
00:58:37,472 --> 00:58:39,259
Ben!
954
00:58:39,266 --> 00:58:41,679
What? I do.
I want to.
955
00:58:42,227 --> 00:58:43,513
After we finish
the letter.
956
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,183
No, no, no. Let's
make love right now.
957
00:58:46,189 --> 00:58:48,476
We make love now.
Then we write the letter.
958
00:58:48,483 --> 00:58:52,022
Come on. We only had
a couple of sentences to go.
959
00:58:52,029 --> 00:58:54,772
In Europe,
you would've made love first.
960
00:58:55,949 --> 00:58:57,485
What's that
supposed to mean?
961
00:58:57,492 --> 00:58:58,492
Nothing.
962
00:58:58,702 --> 00:59:00,785
That I'm not
spontaneous?
963
00:59:00,787 --> 00:59:01,868
I'm not saying that.
964
00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:03,408
No, but that's what
you were implying.
965
00:59:03,415 --> 00:59:06,227
- I wasn't implying anything.
- That in Europe, I would've made love, but here...
966
00:59:06,251 --> 00:59:10,040
No, no, look. I just don't want us
to get to the point where we can't make love
967
00:59:10,047 --> 00:59:12,164
unless there's
a concierge downstairs.
968
00:59:12,174 --> 00:59:14,882
Just because I wanted
to take three minutes
969
00:59:14,885 --> 00:59:17,002
to finish a letter
to our children,
970
00:59:17,012 --> 00:59:18,548
- who I haven't seen in...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
971
00:59:18,555 --> 00:59:21,423
What is that supposed to mean?
That I don't care about our children?
972
00:59:21,683 --> 00:59:24,801
If you'd just let me finish the letter,
I could be more spontaneous.
973
00:59:24,811 --> 00:59:27,975
That's not spontaneous.
That's called making an appointment.
974
00:59:27,981 --> 00:59:32,021
I was in the mood for some unscheduled affection,
but, ooh, I'm sorry, we're home,
975
00:59:32,027 --> 00:59:35,441
I forgot, everything's
gotta be on a schedule.
976
00:59:36,406 --> 00:59:39,820
You try raising children where
everything's unscheduled,
977
00:59:39,826 --> 00:59:41,943
when everything
is spontaneous!
978
00:59:41,953 --> 00:59:43,319
You know what, Katie?
979
00:59:43,330 --> 00:59:45,447
The kids need a little
spontaneity, too!
980
00:59:45,916 --> 00:59:47,498
I know that!
981
00:59:47,793 --> 00:59:50,001
I am just sick and tired
of always having to be
982
00:59:50,003 --> 00:59:51,960
the designated driver
of this marriage.
983
00:59:51,963 --> 00:59:55,206
Hey, nobody designated you as anything.
It's a role you gave yourself!
984
00:59:55,383 --> 00:59:57,796
Bullshit!
You gave me that role!
985
00:59:57,803 --> 01:00:02,138
Because God forbid Ben should ever
remember to cancel the newspapers,
986
01:00:02,140 --> 01:00:04,177
or put washer
fluid in his car,
987
01:00:04,184 --> 01:00:07,302
or participate
in disciplining his children,
988
01:00:07,312 --> 01:00:10,476
instead of flirting on the phone
with your goddamn girlfriend!
989
01:00:10,482 --> 01:00:12,940
Jesus Christ. You're not gonna
bring that up again, are ya?
990
01:00:12,943 --> 01:00:14,980
You're damn straight
I'm gonna bring it up again.
991
01:00:14,986 --> 01:00:17,103
I haven't spoken to her
in over six months!
992
01:00:17,114 --> 01:00:19,822
Not for one second
have you seen it through my eyes!
993
01:00:19,825 --> 01:00:20,986
You know what, Katie,
you know what?
994
01:00:20,992 --> 01:00:22,108
We don't have a pea
under our mattress.
995
01:00:22,119 --> 01:00:24,486
You know what we have?
A fuckin' watermelon!
996
01:00:24,496 --> 01:00:26,988
And you never want
to deal with it!
997
01:00:26,998 --> 01:00:28,330
Oh, fuck it!
998
01:00:29,251 --> 01:00:30,458
Jesus!
999
01:00:38,385 --> 01:00:40,001
Welcome home.
1000
01:00:47,936 --> 01:00:49,017
Bye, Dad.
1001
01:00:49,020 --> 01:00:50,227
See ya, man.
Way to hit the ball.
1002
01:00:50,230 --> 01:00:51,311
- Thanks.
- All right.
1003
01:00:51,314 --> 01:00:52,771
I love you.
1004
01:00:53,108 --> 01:00:54,690
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, buddy.
1005
01:00:56,528 --> 01:00:58,144
- I love you.
- Love you.
1006
01:00:59,531 --> 01:01:00,692
- See you guys in a month.
- Good. Bye.
1007
01:01:00,699 --> 01:01:01,906
Okay.
1008
01:01:06,079 --> 01:01:07,991
Bye-bye.
1009
01:01:07,998 --> 01:01:09,990
- Bye, you guys.
- Not too many marshmallows.
1010
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:11,866
- Bye, Daddy.
- Just a couple of weeks.
1011
01:01:11,877 --> 01:01:12,993
Watch your toes.
1012
01:01:13,003 --> 01:01:14,084
See ya.
1013
01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:15,168
Okay. Bye, kids.
1014
01:01:15,172 --> 01:01:16,333
Bye!
1015
01:01:31,563 --> 01:01:34,271
You think we should
get one lawyer or two?
1016
01:01:38,445 --> 01:01:39,561
One.
1017
01:01:41,323 --> 01:01:43,940
Maybe we can at least
make this part...
1018
01:01:46,786 --> 01:01:50,905
All I care about is that we make it
as easy for the kids as possible.
1019
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:53,116
Yeah.
1020
01:01:55,587 --> 01:01:57,829
And I'm sure you
noticed that the bathroom
1021
01:01:57,839 --> 01:02:00,331
still has the original
tiling from the '20s.
1022
01:02:00,342 --> 01:02:01,458
Yeah, it's nice.
1023
01:02:01,468 --> 01:02:05,838
You know, since you're a writer,
I know you would appreciate that the sister
1024
01:02:05,847 --> 01:02:10,387
of Bette Davis' chauffeur once had Thanksgiving
in the apartment next door.
1025
01:02:11,686 --> 01:02:13,552
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
1026
01:02:13,897 --> 01:02:15,479
Are there any other
kids in this building?
1027
01:02:15,482 --> 01:02:16,598
Oh, oodles.
1028
01:02:16,608 --> 01:02:20,602
Including, if I might add,
the nephew of the actor
1029
01:02:20,612 --> 01:02:24,196
who jumped third
into the fourth lifeboat on Titanic.
1030
01:02:24,199 --> 01:02:27,158
Rent the film, you'll
see, I'll introduce you.
1031
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:30,119
You know, I am showing it
to another family this afternoon,
1032
01:02:30,121 --> 01:02:31,407
but if you're
interested,
1033
01:02:31,414 --> 01:02:34,657
I can hold it for you, give your wife
a chance to have a little look-see...
1034
01:02:34,668 --> 01:02:35,784
I'm interested.
1035
01:02:35,794 --> 01:02:36,955
Who wouldn't be?
1036
01:02:36,962 --> 01:02:39,875
Look how the light from
that window fills the room.
1037
01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:43,170
You know,
when I showed this very apartment to the man
1038
01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:45,418
who did the voice
of Charlie the Tuna,
1039
01:02:45,428 --> 01:02:49,138
he said, and I quote,
"Wow." Unquote.
1040
01:02:49,557 --> 01:02:51,298
I think that
says it all.
1041
01:02:53,979 --> 01:02:57,313
First, you put olive oil,
garlic and tofu.
1042
01:02:57,983 --> 01:03:00,441
Sauté until garlic
turn light brown.
1043
01:03:00,860 --> 01:03:04,570
Make sure that your wok have
a strong heat underneath it.
1044
01:03:04,572 --> 01:03:07,485
Now take an egg
and crack it to the hot oil.
1045
01:03:09,661 --> 01:03:13,371
Make sure all the ingredients
are cooked thoroughly.
1046
01:03:14,499 --> 01:03:16,161
Oh! Are you okay?
1047
01:03:16,167 --> 01:03:17,954
Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.
1048
01:03:19,087 --> 01:03:21,329
Now we add
some Pad Thai noodle.
1049
01:03:23,174 --> 01:03:27,214
I saw Deirdre up at Parents' Weekend,
but I didn't see you.
1050
01:03:27,220 --> 01:03:29,428
Oh, I went up
the weekend before.
1051
01:03:29,431 --> 01:03:33,050
Since the divorce,
it's a lot easier for everyone
1052
01:03:33,059 --> 01:03:35,221
if we come up
at separate times.
1053
01:03:35,687 --> 01:03:38,930
But Kevin and I took
a great hike up to that waterfall.
1054
01:03:38,940 --> 01:03:40,306
Did you and Ben
take that hike?
1055
01:03:40,317 --> 01:03:41,603
Yeah.
1056
01:03:41,609 --> 01:03:42,770
Yeah, it was beautiful.
1057
01:03:42,777 --> 01:03:44,018
Yeah.
1058
01:03:44,029 --> 01:03:46,237
Spice it up
with some chili pepper.
1059
01:03:46,531 --> 01:03:49,319
You know, spicy food
make a better lover.
1060
01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:52,068
The hotter you eat,
the hotter you get.
1061
01:03:53,371 --> 01:03:56,034
Well, the spicier the better for me.
Whoo!
1062
01:03:57,584 --> 01:03:58,665
Rice vinegar.
1063
01:03:59,210 --> 01:04:00,826
Whoa!
1064
01:04:02,839 --> 01:04:03,920
Does Ben like
Thai food?
1065
01:04:04,549 --> 01:04:05,915
Yeah. Yeah.
1066
01:04:07,052 --> 01:04:08,588
Have you and Ben
ever been to Tommy Tang's?
1067
01:04:08,595 --> 01:04:11,804
Uh, Ben and I are...
Uh... Separated.
1068
01:04:13,683 --> 01:04:14,924
Oh, gee,
I had no idea.
1069
01:04:14,934 --> 01:04:17,551
We're... We're not
really telling people.
1070
01:04:18,021 --> 01:04:19,637
Oh. I understand.
1071
01:04:20,357 --> 01:04:22,269
I'm so sorry.
How long?
1072
01:04:22,734 --> 01:04:27,479
Uh, 72 hours,
four weeks, five years,
1073
01:04:27,906 --> 01:04:30,364
depending on when
you start counting.
1074
01:04:30,367 --> 01:04:33,201
I'm really sorry.
I know how hard it can be.
1075
01:04:36,664 --> 01:04:40,123
You know, this is gonna
sound crazy, but, um,
1076
01:04:40,126 --> 01:04:43,085
I always enjoyed Erin and Josh's
appointments over the years
1077
01:04:43,088 --> 01:04:45,705
because it gave me
a chance to get to know you,
1078
01:04:45,715 --> 01:04:49,174
but when you called me about your bite,
I...
1079
01:04:49,677 --> 01:04:53,091
I felt myself looking forward
to it because I knew we'd be alone.
1080
01:04:54,474 --> 01:04:57,137
And, um, just tell me
if it's too soon,
1081
01:04:58,395 --> 01:05:01,229
but I was wondering if maybe
you want to have dinner sometime.
1082
01:05:03,817 --> 01:05:04,898
We are having dinner.
1083
01:05:07,362 --> 01:05:10,480
Well, I was thinking of something
that didn't involve a teacher.
1084
01:05:10,740 --> 01:05:13,528
Now you have it.
Pad Thai noodles.
1085
01:05:14,452 --> 01:05:16,489
You always
hear people say,
1086
01:05:16,496 --> 01:05:19,079
"They stayed together too
long in a bad marriage."
1087
01:05:19,082 --> 01:05:23,076
Well, for the longest time,
I never thought of my marriage as being bad.
1088
01:05:23,086 --> 01:05:26,454
I just thought love was something you
were allowed to fall in and out of.
1089
01:05:26,464 --> 01:05:28,626
You know,
peaks and valleys.
1090
01:05:29,509 --> 01:05:34,846
But after a while,
the peaks get lower and further apart,
1091
01:05:34,848 --> 01:05:39,013
and then one day you find yourself wondering,
"Is this who I really am,
1092
01:05:39,018 --> 01:05:42,682
"someone who has taken up
permanent residence in the valley?
1093
01:05:42,689 --> 01:05:45,898
"Or is this just who
I am with this person?"
1094
01:05:47,735 --> 01:05:50,523
And then you ask yourself,
1095
01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:54,274
"Maybe there is another version
of my life, of myself,
1096
01:05:54,284 --> 01:05:56,276
"that's a happier one."
1097
01:06:13,928 --> 01:06:15,214
Bullshit.
1098
01:06:17,140 --> 01:06:20,053
"Yossel looked
into Minnie's eyes and felt...
1099
01:06:21,895 --> 01:06:23,181
"Nothing.
1100
01:06:23,563 --> 01:06:27,432
"For two years
they'd been apart.
1101
01:06:27,817 --> 01:06:31,185
"And now,
as she stepped off the boat,
1102
01:06:31,529 --> 01:06:34,647
"he realized he was looking
into the eyes of a...
1103
01:06:36,075 --> 01:06:37,862
"Stranger.
1104
01:06:39,662 --> 01:06:41,699
"A girl he no
longer knew."
1105
01:06:54,761 --> 01:06:58,254
"...unaffectionate
daughter
1106
01:06:58,723 --> 01:07:03,718
"of a blind Lithuanian
violin maker."
1107
01:07:05,438 --> 01:07:07,976
No, no, it's fear.
It was all about fear.
1108
01:07:07,982 --> 01:07:09,598
Fear is what
kept them together.
1109
01:07:09,609 --> 01:07:12,818
This whole time, Stan, I've been
idealizing my grandparents' marriage,
1110
01:07:12,820 --> 01:07:15,813
and let me tell you,
this was not the love of the ages.
1111
01:07:15,823 --> 01:07:19,191
Two people who stayed together
because they were terrified.
1112
01:07:19,202 --> 01:07:22,616
Fear of loneliness, fear of failure,
fear of the unknown.
1113
01:07:22,622 --> 01:07:25,990
Sure, fear.
That's the main motivator for everything.
1114
01:07:26,376 --> 01:07:30,120
That, and guilt, are the two emotions
that keep a society humming.
1115
01:07:30,129 --> 01:07:32,712
What are you saying, you and Rachel
stay together because you're afraid?
1116
01:07:32,715 --> 01:07:34,752
- In a word, yes.
- And you're okay with that?
1117
01:07:34,759 --> 01:07:36,842
In three words,
yes and no.
1118
01:07:37,512 --> 01:07:39,504
See, it's not
that simple.
1119
01:07:39,764 --> 01:07:41,676
You're looking for
clear-cut answers.
1120
01:07:41,683 --> 01:07:45,302
In reality, there is nothing clear-cut.
Life is not clear-cut.
1121
01:07:45,311 --> 01:07:47,052
Life is gray.
1122
01:07:47,522 --> 01:07:49,058
For instance...
1123
01:07:50,650 --> 01:07:52,767
What do you see
right here?
1124
01:07:54,487 --> 01:07:55,853
What are you
asking me, Stan?
1125
01:07:55,863 --> 01:07:57,946
I'm asking you,
what do you see?
1126
01:07:57,949 --> 01:07:59,531
I see your ass.
1127
01:07:59,909 --> 01:08:04,119
That's what you think you see.
But in reality, there is no ass.
1128
01:08:05,873 --> 01:08:08,866
What the... What
are you telling me?
1129
01:08:08,876 --> 01:08:10,492
There is no ass.
1130
01:08:10,712 --> 01:08:13,671
Just the fatty part
at the top of each leg
1131
01:08:13,965 --> 01:08:16,548
that just so happens to be
butted up against each other.
1132
01:08:16,551 --> 01:08:18,383
Hence the word "butt."
1133
01:08:18,386 --> 01:08:21,629
See, essentially,
what we're dealing with here
1134
01:08:21,639 --> 01:08:24,177
is just a continuation
of the leg.
1135
01:08:24,183 --> 01:08:26,550
Okay, all right,
now you lost me.
1136
01:08:27,103 --> 01:08:29,060
Ben, it's all
illusions.
1137
01:08:29,063 --> 01:08:31,055
There is no such
thing as an ass,
1138
01:08:31,065 --> 01:08:33,808
just like there's no such thing
as the perfect marriage,
1139
01:08:33,818 --> 01:08:35,559
the perfect job,
the perfect child.
1140
01:08:35,570 --> 01:08:37,106
The whole notion
1141
01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:40,106
of staying together
and living happily ever after,
1142
01:08:40,116 --> 01:08:41,698
all illusions.
1143
01:08:41,701 --> 01:08:43,738
So you're saying
you don't believe in everlasting love.
1144
01:08:45,622 --> 01:08:49,161
You're seeing the ass again,
and not the tops of the legs.
1145
01:08:50,460 --> 01:08:53,578
Love is just
lust in disguise,
1146
01:08:54,130 --> 01:08:57,919
and lust fades, so you damn well better
be with someone who can stand you.
1147
01:08:57,925 --> 01:09:01,919
Well, Katie and I have moved way
past being able to stand each other.
1148
01:09:01,929 --> 01:09:04,262
We've moved right
into the hatred part.
1149
01:09:04,265 --> 01:09:06,848
I wouldn't worry about it.
Hate fades.
1150
01:09:08,144 --> 01:09:09,555
Hate fades?
1151
01:09:12,106 --> 01:09:14,314
That's what you're telling me?
That's your message?
1152
01:09:14,317 --> 01:09:16,434
That's what you're gonna send me out
into the world with?
1153
01:09:16,444 --> 01:09:19,858
"Hate fades"? "Love is lust"?
"There is no ass"?
1154
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:24,233
What a disappointment
you've turned out to be.
1155
01:09:27,121 --> 01:09:29,113
Just promise
me one thing.
1156
01:09:29,123 --> 01:09:33,163
Please, please, just promise me
that you will not say any of this to Rachel.
1157
01:09:33,169 --> 01:09:35,752
What, are you crazy?
This conversation ends here.
1158
01:09:36,339 --> 01:09:39,252
When Stan called me from the car,
I couldn't believe it.
1159
01:09:39,258 --> 01:09:41,500
I mean, I knew you guys were going
through some rough times, but...
1160
01:09:41,511 --> 01:09:44,591
We didn't wanna say anything until
we knew we weren't gonna get back together.
1161
01:09:44,764 --> 01:09:46,175
Oh, my God.
1162
01:09:46,933 --> 01:09:48,014
Wow.
1163
01:09:49,143 --> 01:09:50,224
Well, how
are you doing?
1164
01:09:50,228 --> 01:09:51,389
I don't know.
1165
01:09:51,396 --> 01:09:53,103
I thought I'd
be devastated.
1166
01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:55,606
Maybe it just
hasn't hit me.
1167
01:09:58,194 --> 01:09:59,901
You're having
an affair.
1168
01:09:59,904 --> 01:10:02,021
What are you...
What are you talking about?
1169
01:10:02,031 --> 01:10:04,899
The only reason not to be devastated is
if you're seeing someone else.
1170
01:10:04,909 --> 01:10:06,866
I am not seeing
someone else.
1171
01:10:06,869 --> 01:10:09,077
Are you serious about this guy
you're not seeing?
1172
01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:11,697
I don't know what it is.
All I know is, he's nothing like Ben.
1173
01:10:11,708 --> 01:10:14,917
He's responsible. He plans ahead.
He has a Swiss Army Knife.
1174
01:10:14,919 --> 01:10:16,706
He even wants to
cook dinner for me.
1175
01:10:16,713 --> 01:10:17,794
He's a sandbag.
1176
01:10:17,797 --> 01:10:18,878
He's a what?
1177
01:10:18,881 --> 01:10:20,668
He's just a sandbag
against the storm,
1178
01:10:20,675 --> 01:10:23,383
holding off
the inevitable devastation.
1179
01:10:26,848 --> 01:10:28,555
Rachel,
are you okay?
1180
01:10:31,394 --> 01:10:32,635
Honey?
1181
01:10:35,022 --> 01:10:36,388
I'm sorry.
1182
01:10:37,942 --> 01:10:41,231
I know I'm supposed to be
the one holding your hand,
1183
01:10:41,612 --> 01:10:43,649
but I just
feel terrible.
1184
01:10:44,282 --> 01:10:46,740
I mean, the thought
of you guys not being together.
1185
01:10:47,869 --> 01:10:49,155
You're our
best friends.
1186
01:10:50,037 --> 01:10:53,246
Fourth of Julys and Thanksgivings
and Christmases.
1187
01:10:54,417 --> 01:10:57,080
You guys were
our Fred and Ethel Mertz.
1188
01:10:57,587 --> 01:11:00,455
That's weird. We thought you guys were
our Fred and Ethel Mertz.
1189
01:11:01,716 --> 01:11:03,173
Oh, really?
1190
01:11:03,426 --> 01:11:07,136
I never thought this was going
to happen to me and Ben.
1191
01:11:07,346 --> 01:11:10,885
I thought we were going to be
the ones to go the distance.
1192
01:11:11,350 --> 01:11:15,936
But I just couldn't seem to get him
to put down that purple crayon.
1193
01:11:17,148 --> 01:11:18,764
But that's Ben.
1194
01:11:18,775 --> 01:11:21,233
That's who you
fell in love with.
1195
01:11:21,235 --> 01:11:23,852
Katie, you are at 80
who you are at eight.
1196
01:11:24,447 --> 01:11:26,564
People don't change!
1197
01:11:27,408 --> 01:11:30,742
People change over time.
You've got to expect that.
1198
01:11:30,745 --> 01:11:33,158
Ben, the only way
a relationship works
1199
01:11:33,164 --> 01:11:35,781
is if people grow
and change together.
1200
01:11:36,667 --> 01:11:38,954
Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Kogen.
Mr. Jordan.
1201
01:11:39,128 --> 01:11:40,414
Nice to have
you tonight.
1202
01:11:40,421 --> 01:11:43,255
Is Mrs. Jordan not
joining us this evening?
1203
01:11:43,633 --> 01:11:45,090
No, she's not.
1204
01:11:45,092 --> 01:11:47,425
Stan! I told you to
make the reservation for three!
1205
01:11:47,428 --> 01:11:48,589
I forgot.
1206
01:11:48,596 --> 01:11:50,303
How could you forget
something like that?
1207
01:11:50,306 --> 01:11:51,592
Why don't you say
it a little louder?
1208
01:11:51,599 --> 01:11:53,090
The guy in the parking lot
didn't hear you.
1209
01:11:53,100 --> 01:11:54,932
It wasn't
that loud.
1210
01:11:54,936 --> 01:11:56,052
Right this way.
1211
01:11:56,062 --> 01:11:57,644
Enjoy your meal.
1212
01:12:01,609 --> 01:12:03,601
Did you see Sunday's
seven-down?
1213
01:12:03,611 --> 01:12:04,943
No, I missed
that one.
1214
01:12:04,946 --> 01:12:06,107
Five-letter word.
1215
01:12:06,489 --> 01:12:10,574
Wants. Requirements.
Rhymes with "weeds."
1216
01:12:11,327 --> 01:12:12,943
- Needs?
- Exactly.
1217
01:12:13,704 --> 01:12:15,491
It was a direct
attack on me.
1218
01:12:15,498 --> 01:12:19,458
Oh, Ben, come on. You're being silly.
It's just a clue in a crossword puzzle.
1219
01:12:19,460 --> 01:12:21,326
No. I know my wife.
1220
01:12:21,796 --> 01:12:24,209
She was specifically
attacking me.
1221
01:12:24,590 --> 01:12:26,126
And for what?
1222
01:12:26,551 --> 01:12:27,667
Having needs.
1223
01:12:28,636 --> 01:12:30,753
Like having needs
is some terrible thing.
1224
01:12:31,305 --> 01:12:34,048
Show me one person on this planet
who doesn't have needs.
1225
01:12:36,811 --> 01:12:38,723
Ben, you should
try this bread
1226
01:12:38,729 --> 01:12:40,140
dipped in the olive oil.
It's delicious.
1227
01:12:40,147 --> 01:12:41,854
Stan, give Ben
the bread.
1228
01:12:41,858 --> 01:12:43,269
Why must you
always yell?
1229
01:12:43,276 --> 01:12:44,517
- Who was yelling?
- You were.
1230
01:12:44,527 --> 01:12:45,813
- That was not a yell.
- That was a yell.
1231
01:12:45,820 --> 01:12:47,982
You just heard it as a yell.
He hears everything as a yell.
1232
01:12:47,989 --> 01:12:50,606
Trust me. On anyone's yell-o-meter,
that was a yell.
1233
01:12:50,616 --> 01:12:53,700
Ben, was that a yell?
See, he didn't hear it as a yell.
1234
01:12:53,703 --> 01:12:55,660
His mother was a yeller.
He's still hearing her.
1235
01:12:55,663 --> 01:12:58,030
How could I hear her?
You drown her out.
1236
01:12:58,040 --> 01:12:59,702
No, no, no,
but it's true.
1237
01:12:59,876 --> 01:13:02,334
For the last few years,
every time Katie opened her mouth,
1238
01:13:02,336 --> 01:13:03,918
all I could hear
was her mother.
1239
01:13:05,131 --> 01:13:06,212
Dot.
1240
01:13:07,216 --> 01:13:09,424
Now listen, it couldn't have
been easy for Katie
1241
01:13:09,427 --> 01:13:11,840
to be raised by a woman
as complicated as Dot.
1242
01:13:12,221 --> 01:13:14,213
Oh, please.
She wasn't complicated.
1243
01:13:14,223 --> 01:13:17,887
She was an idiot who made
everyone else's life complicated.
1244
01:13:18,144 --> 01:13:21,808
You wouldn't believe
all the beautiful psychological heirlooms
1245
01:13:21,814 --> 01:13:23,555
this snapping turtle
handed down.
1246
01:13:24,358 --> 01:13:28,693
Everything's gotta be in a neat little box
with a little blue bow on it.
1247
01:13:29,780 --> 01:13:32,022
Punctual.
Ordered.
1248
01:13:32,700 --> 01:13:35,909
God forbid anything
unexpected should happen,
1249
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:39,326
any perchances,
happenstances,
1250
01:13:39,332 --> 01:13:42,370
left turns,
serendipities...
1251
01:13:42,585 --> 01:13:45,373
- Nope! No way!
- Not allowed!
1252
01:13:45,379 --> 01:13:47,996
Out of bounds!
Foul ball!
1253
01:13:48,007 --> 01:13:49,623
Fifteen-yard penalty!
1254
01:13:49,634 --> 01:13:52,297
Too much time
being spontaneous!
1255
01:13:52,303 --> 01:13:55,421
Everything's gotta be connected.
Gotta connect the dots.
1256
01:13:55,681 --> 01:13:58,048
Maybe that's why they call her Dot.
1257
01:13:58,059 --> 01:14:01,427
You notice that her name wasn't
Gay or Joy or Fun!
1258
01:14:01,437 --> 01:14:03,206
Ben, maybe you should try
a little of the bread.
1259
01:14:03,230 --> 01:14:06,018
You can't even fuck unless
everything's just right!
1260
01:14:06,609 --> 01:14:08,976
Like a plane
waiting for takeoff.
1261
01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:11,152
Windows shut?
Check.
1262
01:14:11,155 --> 01:14:13,772
Doors locked? Check.
Heat on? Check!
1263
01:14:15,034 --> 01:14:17,617
Have we covered every
possible, single reason
1264
01:14:17,620 --> 01:14:19,577
why everything is my fault?
1265
01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:24,200
Houston, we got
a problem and her name is Dot!
1266
01:14:24,210 --> 01:14:25,291
Ben, Ben. Bread.
1267
01:14:25,294 --> 01:14:28,958
There are people like Katie and Dot,
honey, who like to color inside the lines,
1268
01:14:28,965 --> 01:14:30,422
and then there
are people like you,
1269
01:14:30,424 --> 01:14:32,290
who wander
outside the lines.
1270
01:14:32,301 --> 01:14:34,167
That can be a very
endearing quality.
1271
01:14:34,178 --> 01:14:36,170
That's why Katie
fell in love with you.
1272
01:14:36,180 --> 01:14:37,699
It's just that once
you have children...
1273
01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:39,965
- I am not a third child.
- No one's saying you are.
1274
01:14:39,976 --> 01:14:42,559
Excuse me if my watch
occasionally has no hands on it.
1275
01:14:42,561 --> 01:14:43,722
Ben, that's fine.
It's just that
1276
01:14:43,729 --> 01:14:45,891
somebody has
to establish the routines,
1277
01:14:45,898 --> 01:14:47,764
- set the limit...
- What... What are you saying?
1278
01:14:47,775 --> 01:14:48,936
Are you saying
it's all my fault?
1279
01:14:48,943 --> 01:14:50,650
- No, no!
- No, no, no. It's nobody's fault.
1280
01:14:50,653 --> 01:14:52,019
No, no, no, no!
1281
01:14:52,029 --> 01:14:53,565
When people say,
"It's nobody's fault,"
1282
01:14:53,572 --> 01:14:55,154
they don't mean
"it's nobody's fault."
1283
01:14:55,157 --> 01:14:56,898
They mean,
"It's your fault."
1284
01:14:56,909 --> 01:15:02,200
"Nobody's fault" things are hurricanes,
earthquakes, tornadoes, acts of God.
1285
01:15:02,707 --> 01:15:06,542
But when a marriage fails, ooh!
It's gotta be somebody's fault.
1286
01:15:06,544 --> 01:15:08,080
And it's not mine!
1287
01:15:08,087 --> 01:15:10,204
- Ben...
- And you take that fucking bread
1288
01:15:10,214 --> 01:15:11,955
and you shove it up
the tops of your legs!
1289
01:15:55,760 --> 01:15:57,501
Maybe I'm tired.
1290
01:15:57,511 --> 01:16:00,379
Maybe I'm dealing
with 5,000 things all day long.
1291
01:16:00,389 --> 01:16:03,348
Maybe every little need you have doesn't
always have to be met
1292
01:16:03,350 --> 01:16:05,683
at the exact moment
you need it to be met.
1293
01:16:05,686 --> 01:16:07,769
I am just sick and tired
of always having to be
1294
01:16:07,772 --> 01:16:09,764
the designated driver
of this marriage.
1295
01:16:09,774 --> 01:16:12,642
Nobody designated you as anything.
It's a role you gave yourself!
1296
01:16:12,651 --> 01:16:15,985
Not for one second
have you seen it through my eyes!
1297
01:16:15,988 --> 01:16:17,399
You know what,
Katie, you know what?
1298
01:16:17,406 --> 01:16:18,863
We don't have a pea
under our mattress.
1299
01:16:18,866 --> 01:16:21,779
You know what we have?
A fuckin' watermelon!
1300
01:16:31,962 --> 01:16:33,328
You okay?
1301
01:16:35,216 --> 01:16:36,923
Take me to Katie's.
1302
01:16:41,055 --> 01:16:43,263
Ben. What
are you doing here?
1303
01:16:44,183 --> 01:16:46,175
I wanted to know what
your high was today.
1304
01:16:48,479 --> 01:16:50,471
Ben, you should've
called.
1305
01:16:51,065 --> 01:16:52,931
My high was about you.
1306
01:16:56,028 --> 01:16:58,645
Tonight I saw myself
through your eyes.
1307
01:17:00,783 --> 01:17:01,944
Ben.
1308
01:17:03,911 --> 01:17:05,402
And I'm sorry.
1309
01:17:05,746 --> 01:17:07,863
Yo, Katie, I was thinking
it might be a nice touch
1310
01:17:07,873 --> 01:17:10,741
to add some roasted
peanuts to the sesame...
1311
01:17:10,751 --> 01:17:12,367
I'm, uh...
1312
01:17:16,799 --> 01:17:19,337
At some point we should discuss
how to tell the children.
1313
01:17:51,834 --> 01:17:54,121
Hey, how you doing?
Come on in.
1314
01:17:55,129 --> 01:17:56,586
This is nice.
1315
01:17:56,589 --> 01:17:57,955
Oh, thanks.
1316
01:17:57,965 --> 01:18:01,299
Yeah, it's close to the park.
The kids and I can walk.
1317
01:18:01,302 --> 01:18:03,339
You want something
to drink?
1318
01:18:03,345 --> 01:18:05,587
I'll take water
if you don't have anything else.
1319
01:18:05,598 --> 01:18:08,056
No, no, I...
We have, uh,
1320
01:18:09,143 --> 01:18:11,100
pretty much
anything you want.
1321
01:18:11,103 --> 01:18:15,643
Uh... Beer, Gatorade,
fruit juice, iced tea.
1322
01:18:15,858 --> 01:18:17,599
- Iced tea is fine.
- Okay.
1323
01:18:24,867 --> 01:18:25,867
There you go.
1324
01:18:26,493 --> 01:18:28,109
You have a watch.
1325
01:18:28,662 --> 01:18:29,823
Yeah.
1326
01:18:30,539 --> 01:18:31,950
Come on in.
1327
01:18:33,709 --> 01:18:35,245
Sit down here.
1328
01:18:42,468 --> 01:18:43,584
Um...
1329
01:18:45,638 --> 01:18:47,675
I think we
should, uh...
1330
01:18:49,433 --> 01:18:51,425
When we pick
the kids up Thursday,
1331
01:18:51,435 --> 01:18:53,848
we should just
tell 'em that night.
1332
01:18:54,188 --> 01:18:57,226
Uh... We don't have
to tell them right away.
1333
01:18:57,858 --> 01:18:58,858
Why?
1334
01:18:59,568 --> 01:19:01,935
What's gonna change between
now and Thursday?
1335
01:19:02,196 --> 01:19:03,903
Well...
1336
01:19:04,323 --> 01:19:06,610
Katie, you're seeing
someone else.
1337
01:19:06,617 --> 01:19:08,483
I'm not seeing him.
1338
01:19:08,994 --> 01:19:10,656
We're just talking.
1339
01:19:12,873 --> 01:19:14,080
Right.
1340
01:19:17,461 --> 01:19:20,920
Look, I'm not gonna put up
with any more of this bullshit lying to the kids.
1341
01:19:21,423 --> 01:19:23,756
We'll just take them to Chow Fun's.
It's their favorite restaurant.
1342
01:19:23,759 --> 01:19:24,966
We can tell
them there.
1343
01:19:24,969 --> 01:19:27,962
Ben, we can't really
talk at Chow Fun's.
1344
01:19:27,972 --> 01:19:29,383
Fine. Then we'll
go to the house
1345
01:19:29,390 --> 01:19:30,631
and we can tell
them at dinner.
1346
01:19:30,641 --> 01:19:31,757
After dinner.
1347
01:19:31,976 --> 01:19:34,013
We'll all sit
down and...
1348
01:19:34,895 --> 01:19:37,103
Oh, Jesus,
how do we say this?
1349
01:19:38,816 --> 01:19:40,352
Well,
1350
01:19:40,818 --> 01:19:42,855
we'll just tell
them, uh,
1351
01:19:43,237 --> 01:19:45,024
how much we
love them,
1352
01:19:45,614 --> 01:19:48,152
how amazing
and beautiful they are,
1353
01:19:48,158 --> 01:19:50,901
so they don't think for one minute
that any of this is their fault.
1354
01:19:51,287 --> 01:19:53,074
That's the important thing.
1355
01:19:53,080 --> 01:19:54,196
Yeah.
1356
01:19:54,832 --> 01:19:56,698
We'll just
say that...
1357
01:19:57,209 --> 01:19:58,916
Mommy and Daddy...
1358
01:20:00,629 --> 01:20:02,165
Or Mom and Dad.
1359
01:20:03,507 --> 01:20:05,169
What do you think?
Mom and Dad?
1360
01:20:05,175 --> 01:20:06,837
Mommy and Daddy.
1361
01:20:06,844 --> 01:20:08,176
All right.
1362
01:20:08,554 --> 01:20:10,967
We'll say that Mommy and Daddy
have grown apart.
1363
01:20:10,973 --> 01:20:13,340
I was just
thinking about Erin.
1364
01:20:14,184 --> 01:20:15,675
She'll probably
say something like,
1365
01:20:15,686 --> 01:20:19,521
"Well, there must be something right
about you guys
1366
01:20:19,523 --> 01:20:23,517
"for you to produce such beautiful
and amazing kids."
1367
01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:30,532
She might say something
like that, you know.
1368
01:20:39,209 --> 01:20:41,417
We'll just tell
her that, uh...
1369
01:20:42,713 --> 01:20:45,456
They were born in love
and that we'll always love them,
1370
01:20:45,466 --> 01:20:47,879
but Mommy and Daddy don't love
each other anymore.
1371
01:20:50,054 --> 01:20:54,298
Well, wouldn't it be better
if we told them
1372
01:20:56,852 --> 01:20:59,845
we still love each other,
but in a different way?
1373
01:21:02,274 --> 01:21:03,390
Fine.
1374
01:21:04,360 --> 01:21:05,441
We shouldn't say that?
1375
01:21:05,694 --> 01:21:06,901
I said it was fine.
1376
01:21:08,072 --> 01:21:10,564
Well, it was kind
of a weird "fine."
1377
01:21:12,493 --> 01:21:13,859
Would you like me
to jump up and down
1378
01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:16,509
about how thrilled I am that we love
each other in a different way?
1379
01:21:28,217 --> 01:21:29,378
Yeah, who is it?
1380
01:21:29,385 --> 01:21:31,071
Mr. Jordan, your couch is here.
1381
01:21:31,095 --> 01:21:34,088
Where have you guys been?
Come on in.
1382
01:21:34,932 --> 01:21:38,391
Jeez, they were supposed
to be here first thing this morning.
1383
01:21:44,691 --> 01:21:47,229
I'll, uh, pick you up
at 5:00 on Thursday?
1384
01:21:59,998 --> 01:22:02,957
So, uh, is there
1385
01:22:04,086 --> 01:22:06,043
anything else we
need to talk about?
1386
01:22:06,380 --> 01:22:07,666
Like what?
1387
01:22:07,673 --> 01:22:09,585
Yeah,
it's this one here.
1388
01:22:10,926 --> 01:22:12,167
Nothing.
1389
01:22:15,180 --> 01:22:16,261
Bye.
1390
01:22:37,870 --> 01:22:39,327
Jesus, what
happened to you?
1391
01:22:39,329 --> 01:22:42,618
What happened to that fun girl, the one
with the pith helmet? Where did she go?
1392
01:22:42,624 --> 01:22:46,459
You don't think I ask
myself that every day?
1393
01:22:47,254 --> 01:22:50,372
I'm talking about
a connection, a look,
1394
01:22:50,382 --> 01:22:53,750
something that says
that we're on the same side here.
1395
01:22:54,470 --> 01:22:57,133
Isn't this the moment
where one of us is supposed to say,
1396
01:22:57,139 --> 01:22:59,472
"This is ridiculous.
We love each other.
1397
01:22:59,475 --> 01:23:02,092
"All couples go through this.
Let's give it another try"?
1398
01:23:15,866 --> 01:23:18,108
It was supposed
to rain today.
1399
01:23:19,328 --> 01:23:20,990
I'm glad it didn't.
1400
01:23:21,788 --> 01:23:22,995
Me, too.
1401
01:23:27,628 --> 01:23:29,745
Turn here. If you
take Sepulveda...
1402
01:23:32,508 --> 01:23:33,544
What?
1403
01:23:34,843 --> 01:23:36,084
Nothing.
1404
01:23:49,566 --> 01:23:52,024
Do you,
Katie, take Ben,
1405
01:23:52,319 --> 01:23:54,402
to have and to hold,
1406
01:23:54,404 --> 01:23:56,487
in sickness and in health,
1407
01:23:56,740 --> 01:23:58,948
for better or for worse,
1408
01:23:58,951 --> 01:24:00,692
until death do you part?
1409
01:24:00,702 --> 01:24:01,818
I do.
1410
01:24:04,623 --> 01:24:06,239
It's a boy.
1411
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:07,331
It's a girl.
1412
01:24:07,334 --> 01:24:08,334
It's a bunny!
1413
01:24:08,585 --> 01:24:10,025
It's a home run!
1414
01:24:10,087 --> 01:24:11,328
It's chicken pops.
1415
01:24:11,338 --> 01:24:12,454
It's over.
1416
01:24:12,631 --> 01:24:13,792
I love you.
1417
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:15,002
Damn you!
1418
01:24:15,175 --> 01:24:16,211
I love you.
1419
01:24:16,927 --> 01:24:18,008
Damn it.
1420
01:24:18,011 --> 01:24:19,127
I love you.
1421
01:24:19,137 --> 01:24:21,094
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
1422
01:24:21,098 --> 01:24:22,384
I hate you!
1423
01:24:22,766 --> 01:24:24,428
Fuck me. Fuck me.
1424
01:24:24,726 --> 01:24:25,762
Fuck you!
1425
01:24:29,314 --> 01:24:30,475
I love you.
1426
01:24:30,482 --> 01:24:31,689
I'm pregnant.
1427
01:24:31,692 --> 01:24:33,058
My goldfish died.
1428
01:24:33,068 --> 01:24:34,229
My hamster died.
1429
01:24:34,528 --> 01:24:35,564
My father's dying.
1430
01:24:35,737 --> 01:24:36,818
I'm pregnant.
1431
01:24:57,217 --> 01:24:58,753
Maybe we should
separate.
1432
01:25:38,800 --> 01:25:39,961
Mom! Dad!
1433
01:25:39,968 --> 01:25:41,129
Mom! Dad!
1434
01:25:41,136 --> 01:25:42,718
- You ready?
- Yeah.
1435
01:25:44,723 --> 01:25:46,806
Yo! Hey, hey!
1436
01:25:46,808 --> 01:25:50,301
Hey! What's up, buddy?
Good to see you. How you doing?
1437
01:25:52,356 --> 01:25:53,356
What's the matter, Mom?
1438
01:25:53,899 --> 01:25:55,515
She just missed
you, that's all.
1439
01:25:55,525 --> 01:25:58,142
Oh, you've both
just grown so big!
1440
01:25:58,153 --> 01:26:00,691
Yeah! Look at you guys.
I hardly recognize you.
1441
01:26:00,697 --> 01:26:02,563
Hey, wait a minute.
1442
01:26:02,574 --> 01:26:03,781
Which one of
you is Erin?
1443
01:26:04,534 --> 01:26:05,650
Check it out, Dad.
1444
01:26:05,661 --> 01:26:08,529
Whoa! I guess we know
what your high is today.
1445
01:26:08,538 --> 01:26:11,451
Look at that. "Best all-around camper."
Congratulations, buddy.
1446
01:26:11,458 --> 01:26:13,791
Look at that, Katie.
I guess this calls for a celebration!
1447
01:26:13,794 --> 01:26:16,332
Come on, kids! Riverdance!
Come on, come on.
1448
01:26:16,338 --> 01:26:18,796
I'm the best
all-around riverdancer
1449
01:26:18,799 --> 01:26:22,338
Come on, Katie. Kinda like
a Little Latin Lupe Lu thing. Whoa!
1450
01:26:22,344 --> 01:26:24,836
Hey! Now, go
with the big finish now!
1451
01:26:24,846 --> 01:26:26,963
- Dad! Dad.
- Come on... What?
1452
01:26:26,973 --> 01:26:29,090
- I have to see these kids next summer.
- Huh?
1453
01:26:29,101 --> 01:26:30,342
Come on, Dad,
we're hungry.
1454
01:26:31,019 --> 01:26:33,102
Okay. All right.
1455
01:26:34,523 --> 01:26:35,684
Okay.
1456
01:26:38,652 --> 01:26:39,893
Let's go home.
1457
01:26:52,624 --> 01:26:55,037
I think we should
go to Chow Fun's.
1458
01:27:03,719 --> 01:27:05,130
Chow Fun's?
1459
01:27:07,556 --> 01:27:10,236
I thought we both agreed that
we really couldn't talk at Chow Fun's.
1460
01:27:10,684 --> 01:27:11,891
I know.
1461
01:27:13,645 --> 01:27:14,726
What are you saying?
1462
01:27:15,313 --> 01:27:17,225
I'm saying
Chow Fun's.
1463
01:27:21,570 --> 01:27:24,813
Are you saying Chow Fun's
because you can't face telling the kids?
1464
01:27:24,823 --> 01:27:27,440
Because if that's why you're saying
Chow Fun's, don't say Chow Fun's.
1465
01:27:27,451 --> 01:27:28,908
No, that's not why
I'm saying Chow Fun's.
1466
01:27:28,910 --> 01:27:31,869
I'm saying Chow Fun's
because we are an "us."
1467
01:27:32,831 --> 01:27:35,198
There's
a history here,
1468
01:27:35,625 --> 01:27:38,208
and histories
don't happen overnight.
1469
01:27:39,129 --> 01:27:42,372
You know, in Mesopotamia or ancient Troy
or somewhere back there,
1470
01:27:42,382 --> 01:27:45,466
there are cities built
on top of other cities,
1471
01:27:45,469 --> 01:27:48,928
but I don't want to build another city.
I like this city.
1472
01:27:48,930 --> 01:27:50,762
I know where we
keep the Bactine
1473
01:27:50,766 --> 01:27:52,758
and what kind of mood you're in
when you wake up
1474
01:27:52,768 --> 01:27:54,134
by which eyebrow
is higher,
1475
01:27:54,144 --> 01:27:56,978
and you always know that
I'm a little quiet in the morning
1476
01:27:56,980 --> 01:27:59,313
and compensate
accordingly.
1477
01:27:59,316 --> 01:28:02,275
That's a dance you
perfect over time.
1478
01:28:02,277 --> 01:28:05,520
And it's hard.
It's much harder than I thought it would be.
1479
01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:07,772
But there's more
good than bad,
1480
01:28:07,783 --> 01:28:09,615
and you don't
just give up.
1481
01:28:10,076 --> 01:28:11,988
And it's not
for the sake of the children.
1482
01:28:11,995 --> 01:28:14,908
But, oh, God,
they're great kids, aren't they?
1483
01:28:14,915 --> 01:28:17,783
I mean, God, and we made them.
I mean, think about that.
1484
01:28:17,793 --> 01:28:20,331
It's like, there were no people there
and then there were people.
1485
01:28:20,337 --> 01:28:22,954
And then they
grew, and...
1486
01:28:23,423 --> 01:28:27,292
I won't be able to say to some stranger,
"Josh has your hands,"
1487
01:28:27,302 --> 01:28:30,886
or, "Remember how Erin
threw up at the Lincoln Memorial?"
1488
01:28:30,889 --> 01:28:33,973
Then I'll try to relax.
1489
01:28:34,309 --> 01:28:36,801
Let's face it.
1490
01:28:36,812 --> 01:28:39,225
Anybody's gonna have traits
that get on your nerves.
1491
01:28:39,231 --> 01:28:42,065
I mean, why shouldn't it
be your annoying traits?
1492
01:28:42,067 --> 01:28:45,310
I'm no day at the beach,
but I do have a good sense of direction,
1493
01:28:45,320 --> 01:28:46,982
so at least I can
find the beach.
1494
01:28:46,988 --> 01:28:49,776
Which is not a criticism
of yours, it's just a...
1495
01:28:50,909 --> 01:28:52,650
A strength of mine.
1496
01:28:52,994 --> 01:28:57,534
God, you're a good friend,
and good friends are hard to find.
1497
01:28:59,334 --> 01:29:01,246
Charlotte said that
in Charlotte's Web,
1498
01:29:01,253 --> 01:29:03,836
and I love the way
you read that to Erin.
1499
01:29:03,839 --> 01:29:07,332
And you take on the voice of Wilbur
the pig with such commitment,
1500
01:29:07,342 --> 01:29:09,334
even when you're
bone-tired.
1501
01:29:09,344 --> 01:29:12,178
That speaks volumes
about character.
1502
01:29:12,180 --> 01:29:13,921
And ultimately,
1503
01:29:13,932 --> 01:29:17,221
isn't that what it comes down to?
What a person's made of?
1504
01:29:17,477 --> 01:29:22,393
Because that girl
in the pith helmet is still in here.
1505
01:29:26,278 --> 01:29:29,271
I didn't even know she existed
until I met you.
1506
01:29:29,698 --> 01:29:31,860
And I'm afraid
if you leave,
1507
01:29:31,867 --> 01:29:34,484
I may never
see her again.
1508
01:29:34,786 --> 01:29:37,199
Even though I said at times
you beat her out of me.
1509
01:29:37,205 --> 01:29:41,290
Isn't that the paradox?
Haven't we hit the essential paradox?
1510
01:29:41,293 --> 01:29:44,661
Give and take, push and pull, yin and yang,
the best of times, the worst of times.
1511
01:29:44,671 --> 01:29:47,038
I think Dickens said it best.
The Jack Sprat of it.
1512
01:29:47,048 --> 01:29:49,791
"He could eat no fat,
his wife could eat no lean."
1513
01:29:49,801 --> 01:29:51,918
But that doesn't really
apply here, does it?
1514
01:29:51,928 --> 01:29:54,341
I guess what I'm
trying to say is,
1515
01:29:55,557 --> 01:29:57,890
I'm saying
Chow Fun's because...
1516
01:29:58,602 --> 01:29:59,968
I love you.
1517
01:30:09,237 --> 01:30:11,229
I love you, too.
1518
01:30:18,788 --> 01:30:20,620
Did you hear
that, kids?
1519
01:30:20,624 --> 01:30:24,413
Your mom wants to go to Chow Fun's!
1520
01:30:24,419 --> 01:30:27,457
Isn't that great?
Oh, I love Chow Fun's!
1521
01:30:27,464 --> 01:30:30,081
Dad, the egg rolls are good,
but they're not that good.
1522
01:30:30,091 --> 01:30:32,174
No, no, the egg rolls
are fantastic!
1523
01:30:32,177 --> 01:30:34,840
They're warm, crispy,
greasy as all hell.
1524
01:30:34,846 --> 01:30:36,087
Everything you want
in an egg roll.
1525
01:30:36,097 --> 01:30:37,178
Exactly.
1526
01:30:37,390 --> 01:30:39,382
Okay, High-Low.
Erin, you first.
1527
01:30:39,392 --> 01:30:42,726
My high for the summer is
that Austin Butler wrote me 111 times.
1528
01:30:42,729 --> 01:30:45,312
How did you come up
with High-Low, anyway?
1529
01:30:45,315 --> 01:30:48,103
You know, I don't know.
But I've got another game.
1530
01:30:48,109 --> 01:30:50,522
I'm thinking of seven
words. What are they?
1531
01:30:51,279 --> 01:30:53,145
- Do I get a hint?
- No.
1532
01:30:53,156 --> 01:30:54,397
- A category?
- No.
1533
01:30:54,407 --> 01:30:56,490
So, they can be any seven words
in the English language?
1534
01:30:56,493 --> 01:30:57,609
Yes. That's right.
1535
01:30:57,619 --> 01:30:59,076
Fair enough.
1536
01:30:59,788 --> 01:31:01,950
"MacArthur Park is melting
in the dark."
1537
01:31:01,957 --> 01:31:03,118
No. No.
1538
01:31:03,124 --> 01:31:04,365
- No?
- No.
1539
01:31:06,044 --> 01:31:08,457
"And they lived
happily ever after."
1540
01:31:09,839 --> 01:31:12,547
That's six words,
but you're very close.
1541
01:31:13,885 --> 01:31:16,593
"And they lived
mostly happily ever after?"
1542
01:31:17,931 --> 01:31:19,263
I hope so.
1543
01:31:20,141 --> 01:31:21,507
I think so.
1544
01:31:23,478 --> 01:31:24,844
Think so?
1545
01:31:25,313 --> 01:31:26,429
I do.
1546
01:31:27,857 --> 01:31:29,098
I do...
1547
01:31:29,609 --> 01:31:30,690
Too.
122035
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