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1
00:00:02,266 --> 00:00:04,096
Hey, Fran,
did you see?
2
00:00:04,133 --> 00:00:06,333
Billy Ray Cyrus
is having a kissing contest
3
00:00:06,366 --> 00:00:08,326
at Tower Records to find a girl
for the cover of his new album.
4
00:00:08,366 --> 00:00:10,326
Oh, I love
Billy Ray Cyrus.
5
00:00:10,366 --> 00:00:13,366
Remember that cowboy bar
we used to go to
in Flushing?
6
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,450
Of course!
I'm not just
rock 'n' roll,
7
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:20,663
I'm a little bit
country too. [SNAPS]
8
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:23,330
Oh, they used to have
a mechanical bull.
9
00:00:23,660 --> 00:00:26,150
I used to ride
that thing like crazy.
10
00:00:26,183 --> 00:00:29,353
Oh, I'll tell you,
if he was Jewish,
I woulda married him.
11
00:00:29,383 --> 00:00:30,173
Of course.
12
00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:33,280
So are you
gonna enter?
13
00:00:33,316 --> 00:00:36,656
Oh, are you kidding?
I'd never win.
14
00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:38,000
Pamela Chapman
is entering.
15
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:40,000
Oh, she's so gorgeous,
even her mother hates her.
16
00:00:40,330 --> 00:00:42,270
Oh.
17
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:46,150
Sweetie, you've got to have
more self-confidence.
18
00:00:46,183 --> 00:00:48,373
All of those overdeveloped girls
just peak in high school.
19
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,320
Yeah, remember that girl
from our school
20
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:53,220
who was so beautiful
and so popular
21
00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:55,430
that everyone thought
she would own the world?
22
00:00:55,466 --> 00:00:58,196
Then her fiancé dumped her,
she got fired from her job,
23
00:00:58,233 --> 00:00:59,833
and she wound up
working as a na--
24
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,660
Fran, were you ever
in a kissing contest?
25
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:12,470
Well... I wouldn't exactly
call it a contest.
26
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,280
I mean, how many contestants
can you fit in a '77 Comet?
27
00:01:17,466 --> 00:01:20,326
But I must say,
28
00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:22,446
Jerry Swartz and I
spent the better part
29
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,433
ofThe Blue Lagoon
tongue wrestling.
30
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:29,830
You mean,
thumb
31
00:01:29,116 --> 00:01:30,246
Oh, yes,
of course, honey.
32
00:01:30,283 --> 00:01:32,833
That's exactly
what I meant.
33
00:01:32,116 --> 00:01:33,276
Thanks for
correcting me.
34
00:01:35,133 --> 00:01:38,153
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
35
00:01:38,183 --> 00:01:39,273
♪ She was workin'In a bridal shop ♪
36
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,830
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
37
00:01:41,116 --> 00:01:42,246
♪ Till her boyfriendKicked her out ♪
38
00:01:42,283 --> 00:01:43,433
♪ In one of thoseCrushing scenes ♪
39
00:01:43,466 --> 00:01:45,316
♪ What was she to do?Where was she to go? ♪
40
00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:49,330
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
41
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:50,320
♪ So over the bridgeFrom Flushing ♪
42
00:01:50,350 --> 00:01:52,250
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
43
00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:54,433
♪ She was there to sell makeupBut the father saw more ♪
44
00:01:54,466 --> 00:01:56,326
♪ She had style, she had flairShe was there ♪
45
00:01:56,366 --> 00:02:00,446
♪ That's how she becameThe nanny ♪
46
00:02:00,483 --> 00:02:03,323
♪ Who would have guessedThat the girl we described ♪
47
00:02:03,350 --> 00:02:05,300
♪ Was just exactly whatThe doctor prescribed? ♪
48
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:06,333
♪ Now the fatherFinds her beguiling ♪
49
00:02:06,366 --> 00:02:08,826
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
50
00:02:08,116 --> 00:02:09,166
♪ And the kidsAre actually smiling ♪
51
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,280
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
52
00:02:10,316 --> 00:02:12,826
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
53
00:02:12,116 --> 00:02:16,346
♪ When everybody elseIs wearing tan ♪
54
00:02:16,383 --> 00:02:18,283
♪ The flashy girlFrom Flushing ♪
55
00:02:18,316 --> 00:02:19,826
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
56
00:02:23,266 --> 00:02:25,116
Fran, why am I
doing this?
57
00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:27,170
I don't have a chance of winning
a kissing contest.
58
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,370
Sweetie, you could do it
with your eyes closed.
59
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,280
Well, actually, you do it
with your eyes open.
60
00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:35,270
Fran, you spy on me and Sean
when we're making out?
61
00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:38,500
Honey, spying
and living vicariously
62
00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:39,660
are two completely
different things.
63
00:02:42,216 --> 00:02:44,826
Sean? What happened
to Peter?
64
00:02:44,116 --> 00:02:45,346
Oh, he's got
a bad haircut.
65
00:02:45,383 --> 00:02:46,273
He'll be back in
a couple of weeks.
66
00:02:49,116 --> 00:02:50,196
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
67
00:02:50,233 --> 00:02:52,333
Oh, that's Sean.
68
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:53,350
Oh, how am I gonna tell him
69
00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:55,253
that I'm entering
a kissing contest?
70
00:02:55,283 --> 00:02:57,183
Sweetie, just slip it in
to the conversation.
71
00:02:57,216 --> 00:02:58,176
Be subtle.
72
00:03:00,433 --> 00:03:02,503
Hi, Sean.
Hi, Maggie.
73
00:03:02,830 --> 00:03:03,250
Hi, Fran.
74
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:05,153
Hi, sweetie.
[DOOR CLOSES]
75
00:03:05,183 --> 00:03:08,333
Oh, look at this!
A kissing contest!
76
00:03:08,660 --> 00:03:13,150
Oh, let's enter.
77
00:03:13,150 --> 00:03:15,370
Meanwhile, she's fighting
'em off with a stick,
78
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,500
and I'm having impure thoughts
about Judge Ito.
79
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,400
Honey, you might
as well tell Sean.
80
00:03:26,433 --> 00:03:27,383
Now is as good
a time as any.
81
00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:31,100
Wrong! Red alert!
[IMITATES SIREN]
82
00:03:33,233 --> 00:03:34,253
Mating season in Queens,
Miss Fine?
83
00:03:34,283 --> 00:03:36,223
[LAUGHS]
84
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,330
Hello, darling.
[SMOOCHES]
85
00:03:38,660 --> 00:03:39,180
How's my little girl, huh?
86
00:03:45,116 --> 00:03:46,826
Margaret.
[CLEARS THROAT]
87
00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:51,133
Margaret?
Oh, my dear!
88
00:03:51,166 --> 00:03:53,216
Dad!
Oh. I-I'm--
I'm sorry.
89
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,450
Um, it's, uh,
Peter, right?
90
00:03:55,483 --> 00:03:57,173
Sean, Daddy!
91
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,450
Oh, yes, right.
Uh, Sean.
92
00:03:59,483 --> 00:04:02,483
Well, of course, in England
Peter is short for Sean,
93
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,300
which is one of the many
reasons
why I left.
94
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:08,483
Let me show you
how to be subtle.
95
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:13,660
Speaking of England,
does everybody know
96
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:15,370
that Billy Ray Cyrus
is holding a kissing contest
97
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,220
to see what girl
is gonna be
98
00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:19,400
on the cover
of his latest CD?
99
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,833
A kissing contest, huh?
- Uh-huh.
100
00:04:21,116 --> 00:04:22,366
Yeah, not a bad ruse
to get
101
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,160
thousands of young girls
to pucker up.
102
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:25,450
I'll tell you.
103
00:04:25,483 --> 00:04:28,223
Tough job, eh,
uh...lad?
104
00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:30,380
Man!
Think about it.
105
00:04:30,416 --> 00:04:33,176
Girls lining up,
all dying to kiss you.
106
00:04:33,216 --> 00:04:35,276
Now when I'm in
that situation...
[SNAPS]
107
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:36,996
...I'd pick out
the prettiest girl,
108
00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:38,200
I'd take her home.
109
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:40,133
She puts on
something sexy.
110
00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:41,656
And then I...
111
00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:44,483
wake up, and Niles
makes me a really big bowl
112
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:45,250
[SOBBING]
of Cap'n Crunch.
113
00:04:52,450 --> 00:04:55,180
Speaking of
Cap'n Crunch,
114
00:04:55,216 --> 00:04:57,466
I guess it's no problem
if Maggie enters the contest.
115
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,830
What?
What?
116
00:04:59,116 --> 00:05:01,416
Maggie, I'm not
letting you do this.
117
00:05:01,450 --> 00:05:03,130
Sean, you can't
tell me what to do.
118
00:05:03,166 --> 00:05:05,146
You don't own me.
Absolutely right.
119
00:05:05,183 --> 00:05:07,383
I do.
Margaret, no contest.
120
00:05:07,416 --> 00:05:09,416
Oh, come on, Daddy.
All my friends are doing it.
121
00:05:09,450 --> 00:05:13,120
Ah, Maggie, Maggie,
Oz has spoken.
122
00:05:13,150 --> 00:05:15,220
Goodbye.
Go.
123
00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:16,230
Take the Dutch boy.
124
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:20,230
Oh...
125
00:05:20,266 --> 00:05:21,826
You're gonna
work on him.
126
00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,453
Oh, so you're gonna
work on me, eh?
127
00:05:27,483 --> 00:05:31,003
No, Mr. Sheffield,
I am not gonna work on you.
128
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:32,420
In fact, I happen to
agree with you.
129
00:05:32,450 --> 00:05:34,150
I beg your pardon?
130
00:05:34,183 --> 00:05:36,173
Well, you saw
how upset Sean got.
131
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,330
I mean, he can't stand
the thought
132
00:05:37,366 --> 00:05:39,326
of her kissing
anyone else.
133
00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:40,330
If she enters
the contest,
134
00:05:40,366 --> 00:05:41,446
it could bust
those two kids up.
135
00:05:41,483 --> 00:05:42,283
Hm.
136
00:05:44,266 --> 00:05:45,466
We'd never see
Sean again.
137
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,130
Uh, Miss Fine...
Yes?
138
00:05:51,166 --> 00:05:53,326
Perhaps you're being a little
too harsh on Margaret.
139
00:05:53,660 --> 00:05:54,100
Oh, am I?
Well, uh, yeah.
140
00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:55,403
I mean, after all,
141
00:05:55,433 --> 00:05:56,453
all of her friends
are gonna be doing it.
142
00:05:56,483 --> 00:05:57,303
Oh, okay.
143
00:06:11,416 --> 00:06:14,466
Standing in line for hours
reminds me of home.
144
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,480
You know, we only
had one bathroom.
145
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,160
My father would go in
with the Sunday morning paper
146
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:22,230
and not come out
tillMurder, She Wrote.
147
00:06:22,233 --> 00:06:24,003
Fran, I don't
stand a chance.
148
00:06:24,330 --> 00:06:26,220
All these girls
are so sexy.
Oh,
149
00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:29,100
sweetie, they've got
nothing on you.
150
00:06:29,133 --> 00:06:30,223
In fact, you've got
something
151
00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:31,350
that they lost
a long time ago.
152
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,383
You still got it,
don't you?
153
00:06:35,416 --> 00:06:38,226
Oh, no. There's
Pamela Chapman.
154
00:06:38,266 --> 00:06:40,246
That gorgeous,
stuck-up snob.
155
00:06:40,283 --> 00:06:41,123
Hi.
156
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:47,200
Oh, sweetie, she's
no threat to-- Wow!
157
00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:49,833
I didn't know Brad Pitt
and Claudia Schiffer had a
kid.
158
00:06:51,216 --> 00:06:53,496
All right,
well, honey...
159
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,130
you just go
in there and...
160
00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:55,446
get it over with.
161
00:07:00,366 --> 00:07:01,396
Uh... You, honey.
Come here.
162
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:05,220
I'm from Humina Humina
Records,
163
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,200
and, uh...
164
00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:08,303
you don't need to
wait in line.
165
00:07:08,333 --> 00:07:10,003
You made the cut.
166
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:12,370
Really?
Shh!
167
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,400
You know what'd happen if
anyone found out I was here?
168
00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:15,223
Write this down.
169
00:07:16,483 --> 00:07:18,103
Go to, uh...
170
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,000
1313 Mockingbird
Lane.
171
00:07:25,216 --> 00:07:27,376
Ask for Lily
or Herman.
172
00:07:27,416 --> 00:07:28,216
Thank you!
173
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,470
Oh, I feel terrible.
174
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:33,380
So awful.
175
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,250
You. Honey,
come here.
176
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:40,223
I'm from Humina Humina--
MAGGIE: Fran! Fran.
177
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:43,230
Oh, my gosh.
That was so cool.
178
00:07:43,266 --> 00:07:45,376
He
[GIGGLES]
179
00:07:45,416 --> 00:07:49,226
This is so cool!
[LAUGHING]
180
00:07:49,266 --> 00:07:51,156
You've gotta do it.
181
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,450
Oh. What,
are you kidding?
182
00:07:52,483 --> 00:07:54,353
Oh, why not?
For a goof. Go on.
183
00:07:54,383 --> 00:07:57,303
Oh, sweetie,
I came here for you.
184
00:07:57,333 --> 00:08:00,663
I'm not gonna waltz myself
up to Billy Ray Cyrus,
185
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,330
throw my arms
around his neck
186
00:08:01,366 --> 00:08:02,476
and suck those
farm boy lips off.
187
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,280
I wouldn't know
where to begin.
188
00:08:07,316 --> 00:08:09,996
Oh, come on.
Go for it.
189
00:08:10,330 --> 00:08:13,170
It's really fun, Fran.
[GIGGLES]
190
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,500
Well, it's fun for you
to kiss a celebrity,
191
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:16,300
but I get kissed--
192
00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:17,273
Out of my way.
193
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,326
Do it, Fran!
194
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,330
How could you
do it, Fran?
195
00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:27,230
Well, you told me
to go for it.
196
00:08:27,266 --> 00:08:28,396
Well, I didn't
tell you to win.
197
00:08:31,216 --> 00:08:33,326
I'm sorry.
198
00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:34,230
My mouth has a mind
of its own.
199
00:08:34,266 --> 00:08:37,146
There's no stopping it.
200
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,403
Never a truer word
spoken.
201
00:08:39,433 --> 00:08:41,383
All right.
So, what's going on here?
202
00:08:41,416 --> 00:08:43,146
I can't believe it.
By tomorrow,
203
00:08:43,183 --> 00:08:44,433
everybody at school's
gonna know
204
00:08:44,466 --> 00:08:47,216
that my nanny beat me
out of a kissing
contest.
205
00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:50,320
What? You won
the contest?
206
00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:52,150
Well...if you want to
call it a contest.
207
00:08:57,233 --> 00:08:59,303
Well, as far as your winning
this contest is concerned,
208
00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:01,103
we'll sort this nonsense out
in no time.
209
00:09:01,133 --> 00:09:03,003
Nonsense?
210
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:04,000
Well, Miss Fine, you don't
seriously think
211
00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:06,000
you actually won, do you?
212
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:07,380
They were looking
for a beautiful teenager.
213
00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:10,416
And lovely as you are,
214
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:13,160
you're not exactly
a teenager, eh?
215
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:15,180
Well, I remember
my graduation
216
00:09:15,216 --> 00:09:16,326
a lot better
than some people
217
00:09:16,366 --> 00:09:18,416
that I won't
spell it out for Y-O-U.
218
00:09:20,266 --> 00:09:22,826
Please, Miss Fine,
you don't seriously expect me
219
00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:24,116
to believe you beat out
hundreds of young girls
220
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:26,160
just because of
your kissing prowess?
221
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:27,280
No, I beat them because
222
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:30,196
I happen to be
a fabulous kisser.
223
00:09:30,233 --> 00:09:32,663
Don't you think you've
gone a little overboard
224
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:33,160
on the hyperbole?
225
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,350
[SNIFFING]
226
00:09:34,383 --> 00:09:35,373
I'm wearing Obsession.
227
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,100
Miss Fine,
this is insanity.
228
00:09:41,133 --> 00:09:42,453
There's absolutely no way
229
00:09:42,483 --> 00:09:43,383
you could have won
that contest legitimately.
230
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,466
Oh, no?
No.
231
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,330
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
232
00:09:47,660 --> 00:09:48,100
Well, you asked
for it, buster.
233
00:09:50,116 --> 00:09:51,116
Mm.
234
00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:04,430
[MOANS]
235
00:10:11,450 --> 00:10:13,320
Well, I'm sorry I had to
get tough with you,
236
00:10:13,350 --> 00:10:14,120
but you
had to learn.
237
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:18,326
Ah.
238
00:10:19,316 --> 00:10:20,096
Yes.
239
00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:23,170
Well, um...
240
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,450
Right, o-of course, uh...
[CLEARS THROAT]
241
00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:28,833
you know, Miss Fine, I...
242
00:10:28,116 --> 00:10:30,326
I thought I'd considered
every possible scenario.
243
00:10:32,830 --> 00:10:33,320
Maggie wins,
and I'm miserable.
244
00:10:33,350 --> 00:10:34,420
Maggie loses,
she's miserable.
245
00:10:34,450 --> 00:10:35,370
But, aha!
246
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,160
Here's the wild card.
247
00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:39,330
You win, and we're
all miserable.
248
00:10:41,116 --> 00:10:43,656
Meanwhile, if you're
so miserable,
249
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,500
how come I know you
had clams casino
250
00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:46,270
and a side salad
for lunch?
251
00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:53,333
Decaf cappuccino
and a bite of crème brûlée...
252
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:57,450
I thought you were off
the sweets.
253
00:10:57,483 --> 00:10:59,273
Miss Fine!
254
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,100
[SNIFFING]
255
00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:05,353
Miss Fine, you have to
consider my position in this.
256
00:11:05,383 --> 00:11:08,153
I-I have a certain stature
in the community.
257
00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:09,303
I can't have you
kissing someone
258
00:11:09,333 --> 00:11:11,273
on an album cover.
259
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:12,330
You're my nanny,
for heaven sakes.
260
00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:14,096
Your nanny?
261
00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:15,283
Is that
what I am to you,
262
00:11:15,316 --> 00:11:16,316
your nanny?
263
00:11:17,450 --> 00:11:18,230
Well, yes.
264
00:11:20,433 --> 00:11:23,483
All right. You caught me
on a technicality.
265
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,430
I cannot have the person
that's raising my children
266
00:11:25,466 --> 00:11:27,326
doing something like this.
267
00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:29,130
Well, who said
I was gonna do it?
268
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:31,496
Well, I-I thought
you just won the contest?
269
00:11:31,830 --> 00:11:32,370
Well, what does that
have to do with anything?
270
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,400
Oh, you're such
a man sometimes.
271
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,223
Don't you realize
that your daughter
272
00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:39,400
has a very low
self-esteem?
273
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,233
Something like this
could crush her.
274
00:11:41,266 --> 00:11:42,226
Is that what you want?
275
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,316
No. No.
276
00:11:44,350 --> 00:11:47,100
W-what I want right now
is to be in a pub
277
00:11:47,133 --> 00:11:49,503
with my hands wrapped
round a tall lager.
278
00:11:50,233 --> 00:11:51,433
A logger?
279
00:12:02,183 --> 00:12:04,123
Do the kids know
you're considering
280
00:12:04,150 --> 00:12:05,430
an alternate
lifestyle?
281
00:12:05,466 --> 00:12:07,346
It's a beer,
Miss Fine.
282
00:12:07,383 --> 00:12:09,503
Oh.
283
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,420
Well, speak English.
284
00:12:11,416 --> 00:12:12,476
If you had absolutely
no intention
285
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,350
of going through
with this album cover
286
00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:16,503
in the first place,
what are we arguing about?
287
00:12:16,830 --> 00:12:17,270
Well, I have no idea.
288
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:18,470
I can't shake the image
289
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,130
of you picking up
Paul Bunyan in a bar.
290
00:12:20,166 --> 00:12:20,476
God!
291
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:23,833
[SIGHS]
292
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,300
It would be easier
to have them raised by wolves.
293
00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:33,380
[BILLY RAY CYRUS'
"STORM IN THE HEARTLAND" PLAYS]
294
00:12:33,416 --> 00:12:35,496
Do you think
I went overboard
295
00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:38,380
with this ensemble?
296
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:41,223
No. You look just like
when my Hebrew school
297
00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:42,330
didThe Best LittleWhorehouse in Texas.
298
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:46,830
This is so
exciting.
299
00:12:46,116 --> 00:12:48,476
I'm gonna meet Billy Ray
Cyrus.
- I know.
300
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:50,450
I wonder if he's related
to Sugar Ray Leonard.
301
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:56,100
Oh, he is
so gorgeous.
302
00:12:56,133 --> 00:12:57,183
Take a picture of us.
303
00:12:57,216 --> 00:12:58,246
Try and look
lifelike.
304
00:12:58,283 --> 00:13:01,203
[GIRLS SCREAMING]
305
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,270
There he is.
There he is.
306
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:10,830
Oh. He's so hot.
I know.
307
00:13:10,116 --> 00:13:12,656
VAL:
Look at that body,
those eyes.
308
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,230
Hi, Fran.
Hi.
309
00:13:14,266 --> 00:13:15,246
She's perfect,
Billy Ray.
310
00:13:15,283 --> 00:13:16,483
Isn't she?
311
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,200
Oh. Thank you,
Mr. Cyrus.
312
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:22,183
Oh, Mr. Cyrus.
That sounds funny.
313
00:13:22,216 --> 00:13:25,116
Gee, you know,
if Emily Bronte married you,
314
00:13:25,150 --> 00:13:26,480
her name would be
Bronte-Cyrus.
315
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,430
[BOTH LAUGHING]
316
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,420
Anyway, Mr. Cyrus,
317
00:13:35,450 --> 00:13:38,160
as flattered as I am
that you picked me
318
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:39,420
to be your kiss girl,
319
00:13:39,450 --> 00:13:42,130
I can't be
on your album cover.
320
00:13:42,166 --> 00:13:43,376
You're turning
us down?
321
00:13:43,416 --> 00:13:45,466
I'm afraid
I have to.
322
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,330
You don't want to be
in my new video?
323
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,450
No.
324
00:13:48,483 --> 00:13:51,403
You don't want to be the kiss
girl on my European tour?
325
00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:53,453
[WHINING]
No.
326
00:13:53,483 --> 00:13:55,373
How about a couple tickets
to the Grammys?
327
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,380
There's a party
at Streisand's after.
328
00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:01,830
What are we really
talking about here?
329
00:14:01,116 --> 00:14:02,296
The kid is an heiress.
330
00:14:02,333 --> 00:14:03,423
She's got toothpicks
for thighs.
331
00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:04,450
She'll bounce back.
332
00:14:04,483 --> 00:14:06,163
Go, go, go.
333
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,270
No, no, no!
334
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:10,130
I'm sorry,
but I can't.
335
00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:12,146
Honey,
you gotta do it.
336
00:14:12,183 --> 00:14:14,323
You look great
with Billy Ray.
Oh.
337
00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:16,270
Those teenagers made him look
a little long in the tooth.
338
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:18,170
What?
339
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:22,450
Fran, what my ex-manager
is trying to say is,
340
00:14:22,483 --> 00:14:25,233
kissing you will appeal
to a much broader audience.
341
00:14:25,266 --> 00:14:26,196
Yeah, older broads.
342
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,180
Was I drunk
when I hired you?
343
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,353
I am not
an older broad.
344
00:14:34,383 --> 00:14:36,183
Tell him, Val.
345
00:14:36,216 --> 00:14:37,166
Well, you're
older than me.
346
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,100
Shut up, Val!
347
00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:43,330
I'm sorry,
but my mind is made up.
348
00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:44,250
Darling, this is
a great opportunity
349
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:46,133
for a woman like you.
350
00:14:46,166 --> 00:14:48,156
You just gonna walk on
out of here with nothing?
351
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,100
No, I'm gonna
walk out knowing
352
00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:52,423
that I did not destroy
the self-esteem
353
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:55,130
of a very insecure
young...heiress.
354
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,150
Um, and that's
all I need.
355
00:14:59,183 --> 00:15:01,833
Come on, Val.
356
00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:01,476
Help me carry this
on the bus.
357
00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:09,483
Oh, how many times
have I asked you children
358
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,000
to close
the refrigerator?
359
00:15:14,266 --> 00:15:15,476
What?
360
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,000
Miss Fine,
I've told you
361
00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:19,230
there's nothing
to be depressed about.
362
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:21,826
You are a beautiful
young woman.
363
00:15:21,116 --> 00:15:24,826
What are you,
32, 34?
364
00:15:24,116 --> 00:15:25,466
You better be talking
about my bra size,
365
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,470
or you're gonna
become...
366
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,330
awfully chummy
with a turkey leg.
367
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,220
Fran, um, I'm sorry
I made such a big deal
368
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:36,660
about the contest.
369
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,300
Hey, the best woman won.
370
00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:40,333
Oh, honey,
stop knocking yourself.
371
00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:41,416
Being the best had
nothing to do with it.
372
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,400
Being the one
most likely
373
00:15:46,433 --> 00:15:49,503
to pass a liver spot off
as a coffee stain
374
00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:52,130
is what put me
over the top.
375
00:15:52,166 --> 00:15:54,196
Bottom line,
you made him look old,
376
00:15:54,233 --> 00:15:56,133
and I made him
look young.
377
00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:59,150
Really?
378
00:15:59,183 --> 00:16:01,123
Sweetie,
you're too beautiful.
379
00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:03,500
That's your only
curse.
380
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:04,280
Fran,
I love you.
381
00:16:04,316 --> 00:16:05,116
I love you more.
382
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,223
Hey, at least
Pamela didn't win.
Mm-hm.
383
00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:11,120
I heard some lady
at the contest
384
00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:12,100
sent her on
a wild-goose chase.
385
00:16:14,316 --> 00:16:18,096
Oh. That's terrible.
386
00:16:18,133 --> 00:16:21,503
Gee, did they say
if they saw who it was?
387
00:16:21,830 --> 00:16:22,120
Oh, no. The girls just said
it was some older lady.
388
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:25,430
Fabulous.
389
00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:34,233
Oh, Niles.
Hm?
390
00:16:34,266 --> 00:16:37,656
You know what the worst part
of it all is?
391
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:39,160
Not that in five years my tush
is gonna need training wheels.
392
00:16:41,216 --> 00:16:43,996
That Mr. Sheffield
was right.
393
00:16:44,330 --> 00:16:45,280
I mean, where do I come off
394
00:16:45,316 --> 00:16:47,996
thinking I can compete
with young girls?
395
00:16:48,330 --> 00:16:49,230
Well, it was
a little far-fetched.
396
00:16:51,233 --> 00:16:52,273
Niles, don't help me.
397
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,400
I don't need
your two cents.
398
00:16:53,433 --> 00:16:55,163
Hm.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
399
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,300
Oh, but I will need a 20.
That's my pizza.
400
00:16:57,333 --> 00:17:00,333
Miss Fine, we're having
dinner in an hour.
401
00:17:00,366 --> 00:17:02,466
I know. Why do you think
I ordered thin crust?
402
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,180
Thank you.
Keep the change.
403
00:17:06,133 --> 00:17:08,103
[MUFFLED]
Oh, hi, Miss Babcock.
404
00:17:11,466 --> 00:17:13,116
So, Niles, what's
wrong with Nanny Fine?
405
00:17:15,216 --> 00:17:18,176
Oh, come on, Niles, tell
me
or I'll just die.
406
00:17:18,216 --> 00:17:19,246
You say it,
but you don't mean it.
407
00:17:22,466 --> 00:17:25,276
Miss Fine won the contest
408
00:17:25,316 --> 00:17:27,096
because they were looking
for an older woman.
409
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,253
There.
410
00:17:29,283 --> 00:17:31,233
Now I suppose you'll run
and tell Mr. Sheffield,
411
00:17:31,266 --> 00:17:33,446
because somehow
in your sick, twisted mind
412
00:17:33,483 --> 00:17:35,153
this will make you appear
more appealing.
413
00:17:37,283 --> 00:17:39,333
Niles, please.
That is beneath me.
414
00:17:41,450 --> 00:17:44,430
[WHISTLES A TUNE]
415
00:17:53,216 --> 00:17:54,126
May I help you?
416
00:17:54,166 --> 00:17:55,326
[GRUNTS]
417
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,496
Nanny Fine's old!
418
00:17:57,830 --> 00:17:58,380
What?
419
00:17:58,416 --> 00:17:59,446
She didn't win
the contest
420
00:17:59,483 --> 00:18:01,123
'cause she's
a good kisser.
421
00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:02,380
She won it because
they wanted someone
422
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:04,416
really old, like her.
423
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,130
Old?
424
00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:08,196
Oh, that's preposterous.
425
00:18:08,233 --> 00:18:10,333
I mean, what is she,
29, 30?
426
00:18:10,660 --> 00:18:12,220
Oh, please!
427
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,370
To what power?
428
00:18:17,450 --> 00:18:19,430
I mean, do we really
know how old she is
429
00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,156
under all that makeup?
430
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,420
Your age.
431
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:26,100
She could be...
432
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,120
That's right.
She could be close to--
433
00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:30,150
Forget it, Niles!
434
00:18:30,183 --> 00:18:33,153
Oh, it is
so pathetic.
435
00:18:33,183 --> 00:18:35,173
Nanny Fine thinking she could
win a kissing contest.
436
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,230
I mean, kissing is an art.
437
00:18:38,216 --> 00:18:42,156
It has to be sensuous...
deeply felt...
438
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:43,130
And most of all,
it has to be spontaneous.
439
00:18:55,216 --> 00:18:57,326
Was it as bad for you
as it was for me?
440
00:19:00,466 --> 00:19:02,316
Oh, poor
Miss Fine.
441
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,220
And I was so
insensitive to her.
442
00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:09,503
Maybe I should go see
if she's all right.
443
00:19:09,830 --> 00:19:11,170
No. No, wait.
Come back.
444
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,430
[GARGLING]
445
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,503
Didn't work out quite as you
planned, did it?
446
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:30,503
You set me up, didn't you?
447
00:19:30,830 --> 00:19:32,280
The run, the chase,
getting stuck in the door.
448
00:19:32,316 --> 00:19:34,266
Everything!
449
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:38,330
My mental health is just
a sick game to you, isn't it?!
450
00:19:38,366 --> 00:19:40,496
Rack 'em up.
Let's play again.
451
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,300
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
MAXWELL: Miss Fine.
452
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,173
Oh, um, don't come in.
453
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,100
I'm not dressed.
454
00:19:56,416 --> 00:19:57,996
[SOFTLY]
Come in.
455
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:02,416
Miss Fine, I do hope
456
00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:05,100
you'll be
coming down to dinner.
457
00:20:05,133 --> 00:20:08,163
I can't have my favorite
nanny wasting away.
458
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,830
I don't think
I could eat.
459
00:20:12,366 --> 00:20:13,266
Do I...
[SNIFFS]
460
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,430
Do I smell pizza?
461
00:20:14,466 --> 00:20:16,246
No.
[SNIFFS]
462
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:18,423
No. That's just Glade's
new Italian fresh scent.
463
00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:24,000
Miss Fine, I heard
about the contest,
464
00:20:24,330 --> 00:20:25,470
and I just can't
bear the thought
465
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,470
of you feeling badly
about yourself.
466
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,160
Oh, thank you,
Mr. Sheffield.
467
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:31,380
That's awfully
sweet of you.
468
00:20:31,416 --> 00:20:33,266
But really, there's
nothing you can say or do
469
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,420
that's gonna make me
feel any better.
470
00:20:35,450 --> 00:20:38,330
Well, then I suppose
I'd be wasting my breath
471
00:20:38,366 --> 00:20:41,116
if I told you that I think
no girl could possibly
472
00:20:41,150 --> 00:20:42,180
be a match for a woman
like you.
473
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,120
Ah, give it a shot.
474
00:20:47,383 --> 00:20:51,103
Why are you Americans
so obsessed with youth?
475
00:20:51,133 --> 00:20:52,423
You know, I prefer
the more civilized
476
00:20:52,450 --> 00:20:54,450
European sensibility that--
477
00:20:54,483 --> 00:20:57,203
that people improve
with age, like--
478
00:20:57,233 --> 00:20:59,423
like fine wine.
479
00:20:59,450 --> 00:21:03,170
Especially a beautiful wine
that's robust and earthy,
480
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,830
yet sweet
and strangely compelling.
481
00:21:06,116 --> 00:21:11,096
Oh. You're good.
482
00:21:11,133 --> 00:21:14,473
Oh, one more thing before
I stop wasting my breath.
483
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,000
I think you are
oneheck
484
00:21:18,330 --> 00:21:21,320
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
stop.
485
00:21:21,350 --> 00:21:23,280
[CHUCKLES]
Go on.
486
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:26,496
I can't remember
being kissed like that.
487
00:21:26,830 --> 00:21:27,230
As a matter of fact,
I don't think
488
00:21:27,266 --> 00:21:29,296
I've ever been kissed
quite like that before.
489
00:21:29,333 --> 00:21:32,153
No more.
I'm
blushing.
[CHUCKLES]
490
00:21:32,183 --> 00:21:33,333
Like what?
491
00:21:33,366 --> 00:21:35,266
Well, with such passion.
492
00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:37,220
Such abandon.
493
00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:39,160
Such...
Such...?
494
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:40,350
Suction.
495
00:21:42,483 --> 00:21:45,153
Yeah, well...
496
00:21:45,183 --> 00:21:47,303
Danny used to always call me
his little Dirt Devil.
497
00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:50,323
Really?
498
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,380
Isn't that...charming.
499
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,150
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
you are so wonderful.
500
00:21:56,183 --> 00:21:58,173
Here I was eating--
501
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,400
my heart out.
502
00:22:00,433 --> 00:22:03,333
And then you come up
and make me feel so much better.
503
00:22:03,366 --> 00:22:05,396
You're such a doll.
I could just...
504
00:22:05,433 --> 00:22:07,333
Just what, Miss Fine?
505
00:22:07,366 --> 00:22:09,116
Kiss you.
506
00:22:09,150 --> 00:22:11,330
Oh.
507
00:22:11,660 --> 00:22:13,420
Oh, well, far be it
from me to refuse
508
00:22:13,450 --> 00:22:15,300
a token of gratitude
from a lady.
509
00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:26,660
Thank you,
Mr. Sheffield.
510
00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:28,170
It's nice to know
I've still got it.
511
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:36,330
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
34103
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