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1
00:00:05,216 --> 00:00:07,116
You know, the further back I go
into this family tree thing,
2
00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:08,430
the creepier it gets.
3
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:10,216
Did you know
that Great Uncle Phillip
4
00:00:10,250 --> 00:00:12,470
beheaded Great Aunt Isabel?
5
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,420
You know, the same thing
happened in my family too.
6
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:18,660
It was a bad combination
of car sickness
7
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,330
and an electric sunroof.
8
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,150
And Cousin Rupert the first
married his sister.
9
00:00:25,183 --> 00:00:28,163
Oh, now, that's creepy.
10
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,200
That was never proven.
It was just a rumor.
11
00:00:30,233 --> 00:00:32,833
Meanwhile, I'm sure their
kids
played one hell of a banjo.
12
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:35,280
Good morning.
Oh.
13
00:00:35,316 --> 00:00:37,376
Honey, tell your father
the good news.
14
00:00:37,416 --> 00:00:39,416
Oh, yeah, there's four
great movies at the Cineplex.
15
00:00:39,450 --> 00:00:43,430
No, honey. The other news.
16
00:00:43,466 --> 00:00:44,996
We paid for one
and snuck in three.
17
00:00:47,350 --> 00:00:51,180
Sweetie, sweetie,
tell your father
18
00:00:51,216 --> 00:00:53,096
who's coming over
after school.
19
00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:55,503
Oh, yeah,
I've got a new friend.
20
00:00:55,830 --> 00:00:56,150
And does this friend
exist outside of your mind?
21
00:00:58,116 --> 00:00:59,476
Brighton!
22
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:00,400
Does she, sweetheart?
23
00:01:02,450 --> 00:01:04,380
Of course she does.
24
00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:06,296
Gracie has grown
and matured
25
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:08,403
since I've been imparting
my wisdom on her.
26
00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:09,483
Honey, don't wipe your nose
with your hand.
27
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:10,350
Use your sleeve.
28
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:14,270
Mr. Sheffield,
the doctor called
29
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,430
to confirm
your 3:30 appointment.
30
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,266
Thank you.
Mm. And?
31
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,130
Happily married, not Jewish,
wears Birkenstocks.
32
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,430
Why are you going to the doctor?
Everything okay?
33
00:01:23,466 --> 00:01:26,656
Just getting a physical
and a stress test.
34
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:28,230
Meanwhile,
I've got a cousin--
35
00:01:28,266 --> 00:01:29,826
Oh, God,
she's got a cousin.
36
00:01:31,233 --> 00:01:34,123
Shall I push your appointment
back an hour, sir?
37
00:01:34,150 --> 00:01:37,150
All I'm saying is that
you can never be too careful.
38
00:01:37,183 --> 00:01:39,383
My cousin, Reed, 35,
worked out every day,
39
00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:41,166
no salt, no sugar,
40
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,180
walks out
of a health-food store,
41
00:01:42,216 --> 00:01:43,346
"Bam!" Dead.
42
00:01:43,383 --> 00:01:45,423
Heart attack?
- No.
43
00:01:45,450 --> 00:01:47,370
Gets hit by a wheat-germ truck,
you know.
44
00:01:49,316 --> 00:01:52,326
And the moral
of this story is...?
45
00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:53,280
Everything has to
have a moral?
46
00:01:53,316 --> 00:01:54,166
What am I? Mother Goose?
47
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,480
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
48
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,660
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
49
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,370
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
50
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,330
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
51
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:05,300
♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪
52
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,153
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
53
00:02:07,183 --> 00:02:10,403
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
54
00:02:10,433 --> 00:02:12,333
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
55
00:02:12,660 --> 00:02:13,370
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
56
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,100
♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪
57
00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:18,333
♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪
58
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:22,660
♪ That's how she became
The nanny ♪
59
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,500
♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we've described ♪
60
00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:27,660
♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪
61
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,830
♪ Now, the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
62
00:02:28,116 --> 00:02:29,326
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
63
00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:30,396
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
64
00:02:30,433 --> 00:02:32,203
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
65
00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:34,253
♪ She's the lady in red
When everybody else ♪
66
00:02:34,283 --> 00:02:36,173
♪ Is wearing tan ♪
67
00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:39,380
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
68
00:02:39,416 --> 00:02:40,246
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
69
00:02:44,316 --> 00:02:46,156
♪ I know something
You don't know ♪
70
00:02:49,330 --> 00:02:50,380
I'm not the least
bit interested, Niles.
71
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,160
♪ Nanny Fine is in the will ♪
72
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,120
What?
73
00:02:56,116 --> 00:02:57,376
How do you know?
74
00:02:57,416 --> 00:02:59,496
♪ Cleaning the extension phone ♪
75
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,420
Would you stop singing?
76
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,450
Am I in it?
77
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,183
♪ 'Fraid not ♪
78
00:03:09,316 --> 00:03:12,826
Ooh! That gold digger.
79
00:03:12,116 --> 00:03:13,326
Well, she'll end up
with nothing.
80
00:03:13,366 --> 00:03:15,296
I'll contest it.
What's he leaving her?
81
00:03:15,333 --> 00:03:16,473
The children.
82
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:17,270
He's leaving her the--
83
00:03:19,183 --> 00:03:19,483
Well...
84
00:03:23,216 --> 00:03:24,296
Poor girl deserves
to walk away with something.
85
00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:30,833
Oh, where's Mr. Sheffield?
He wanted to see me.
86
00:03:30,116 --> 00:03:32,326
Oh.
87
00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:35,330
All right, listen up.
I have pulled a major coup.
88
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:37,500
Oh, well, that will
heal itself.
89
00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:41,160
But for the next
couple of days,
90
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,320
sleep on your side
and wear boxer shorts.
91
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,330
I'll file that
in the appropriate place,
92
00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:53,120
thank you, Miss Fine.
93
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,120
Anyway, back to what
I was actually talking about.
94
00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:57,250
Doug Emerson is coming
to dinner tonight.
95
00:03:57,283 --> 00:03:59,283
Oh, well, that was one
schlepp down the stairs
96
00:03:59,316 --> 00:04:00,096
that I could
have lived without.
97
00:04:01,383 --> 00:04:03,333
Doug Emerson?
98
00:04:03,366 --> 00:04:05,396
I thought he would never
leave Andrew Lloyd Webber!
99
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:07,453
[GASPS] I didn't know
they were together.
100
00:04:07,483 --> 00:04:08,303
Maybe the schlepp
was
101
00:04:10,366 --> 00:04:13,446
Nanny Fine, Doug Emerson
is an investor,
102
00:04:13,483 --> 00:04:15,303
and if you've nothing
intelligent to--
103
00:04:15,333 --> 00:04:17,003
Listen to me. "If."
104
00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:21,250
[LAUGHS]
105
00:04:21,283 --> 00:04:24,123
Well, if Doug's coming
tonight,
I'd better go change.
106
00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:26,000
And I thought she had to wait
for a full moon.
107
00:04:30,216 --> 00:04:31,996
So, Mr. Sheffield,
108
00:04:32,330 --> 00:04:33,430
you wanted to talk to me
about something?
109
00:04:33,466 --> 00:04:35,216
Miss Fine, Miss Fine,
110
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,230
I have an important proposal
to make.
111
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:42,170
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
a proposal?
112
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,150
Oh, boy, I'll never doubt
that Jeane Dixon again.
113
00:04:47,283 --> 00:04:48,483
What do I do first?
114
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,220
[GASPS]
Call my mother.
115
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:51,350
No, call the electrolysist.
116
00:04:55,283 --> 00:04:56,473
Miss Fine, Miss Fine,
117
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,330
this is very difficult
for me to say.
118
00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:00,330
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
119
00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:02,330
you're really throwing me
for a loop here.
120
00:05:02,366 --> 00:05:04,466
I mean, we're not even
on a first-name basis.
121
00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,000
And since you've been
so wonderful with the children,
122
00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:12,000
I'd like to put it in the will
that you continue as their nanny
123
00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:13,220
just in case something
happens to me.
124
00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:15,000
Oh...
125
00:05:16,416 --> 00:05:18,316
Oh.
126
00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:22,330
Well, Mr. Sheffield,
I'm really moved to tears.
127
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,500
[CLEARS THROAT]
128
00:05:26,830 --> 00:05:27,000
But I-I don't wanna
talk about wills. Toi toi.
129
00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:31,203
I'll give that Jeane Dixon
such a slap.
130
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:42,250
Honey, you're involved
in a dysfunctional relationship.
131
00:05:42,283 --> 00:05:44,223
I know the kind.
132
00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:46,150
All his friends are more
important to him than you are.
133
00:05:46,183 --> 00:05:47,333
He's selfish.
134
00:05:47,366 --> 00:05:48,276
You should just dump him.
135
00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:54,833
She can't. He's got
all of her stickers.
136
00:05:54,116 --> 00:05:54,416
Oh...
137
00:05:55,450 --> 00:05:57,320
I'm home.
138
00:05:57,350 --> 00:05:59,420
Oh, B, wait a second.
Come here and say hello
139
00:05:59,450 --> 00:06:01,100
to your sister's
friend Erica.
140
00:06:01,133 --> 00:06:02,123
Hi, I'm Brighton.
141
00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:07,180
[CHIMES PLAY]
142
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,400
Okay, so, um, I'm
gonna
go get a soda now.
143
00:06:12,433 --> 00:06:14,663
Me too.
144
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:15,000
He's a god!
145
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,200
Erica likes
Brighton?
146
00:06:19,233 --> 00:06:20,333
She really is on the rebound.
147
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,466
Oh, honey, to you,
he's an obnoxious brother,
148
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,320
but to other little girls,
149
00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:28,450
he's 79 pounds
of pure studmuffin.
150
00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:31,000
Ew.
151
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,370
Next thing you know,
152
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,300
she'll let him play
with her pogs.
153
00:06:37,483 --> 00:06:40,183
Well, look, if she's that fast
and loose with her pogs,
154
00:06:40,216 --> 00:06:41,116
she's gonna get
a reputation.
155
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:41,400
[COMPACTS SNAP]
156
00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:46,350
Niles, pour me
some more tea.
157
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,480
I want some more
tea,
Niles.
158
00:06:59,483 --> 00:07:01,423
You are a butler,
now buttle!
159
00:07:05,366 --> 00:07:07,476
Would you like some tea,
Miss Babcock?
160
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,480
You know damn well I want
some more tea, you imbecile.
161
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:12,230
Now pour!
162
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,116
C.C.!
Maxwell!
163
00:07:16,150 --> 00:07:18,100
Don't speak to Niles
like that.
164
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,123
Poor man
isn't a mind-reader.
165
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:22,300
B-but Maxwell ...
- Oh, it's all right, sir.
166
00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:23,383
Perhaps my hearing
isn't what it once was.
167
00:07:25,433 --> 00:07:26,273
Forgive me.
168
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,300
So, Niles,
about dinner tonight--
169
00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:35,203
Oh, I've outdone myself
for your new investor, sir.
170
00:07:35,233 --> 00:07:37,133
Gorgonzola salad,
stuffed pork chops,
171
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:39,316
potatoes au gratin.
172
00:07:39,350 --> 00:07:43,330
No, no, no. Seems Mr. Emerson
is recovering from a bypass.
173
00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:45,420
His doctor faxed over his
American Heart Association diet.
174
00:07:45,450 --> 00:07:47,280
Got to be followed
to the letter, I'm afraid.
175
00:07:49,133 --> 00:07:51,483
Ooh, something smells good.
What is it?
176
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,160
Oh, nothing, just a chocolate
soufflé that's been rising.
177
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:59,120
Don't need that.
[DOOR SLAMS]
178
00:07:59,116 --> 00:08:00,376
Niles, come help me pick out
a tie, would you, old man?
179
00:08:00,416 --> 00:08:02,346
Yes, sir.
I've got 15 minutes.
180
00:08:02,383 --> 00:08:03,323
Why don't I just knit you
a new suit?
181
00:08:07,116 --> 00:08:09,096
I think it's sweet.
182
00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:10,373
He wants to make sure
you'll still be his nanny
183
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,450
even after he croaks.
184
00:08:11,483 --> 00:08:13,203
Val, toi toi.
185
00:08:15,266 --> 00:08:17,216
He just wants to draw up
some papers,
186
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:18,400
make everything legal.
187
00:08:18,433 --> 00:08:20,103
Why?
What's he afraid of.
188
00:08:20,133 --> 00:08:22,123
Oh, I don't know.
189
00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:25,500
Something about his relatives
contesting the will,
190
00:08:25,830 --> 00:08:29,130
saying that he was insane
at the time that he hired me.
191
00:08:29,166 --> 00:08:32,146
What's this?
- What's what?
192
00:08:32,183 --> 00:08:35,373
It says, "American Heart
Association coronary care
menu."
193
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,200
What?
Give me that.
194
00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:41,160
Oh, my God. Val.
195
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:44,160
First, the doctor,
then the will?
196
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:46,170
Now this?
- What are ya getting at?
197
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,000
Why didn't
he say something?
198
00:08:48,330 --> 00:08:49,130
What? What?
199
00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:51,296
Val, I'm gonna
be a widow.
200
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:57,353
Honey, you're jumping
to conclusions.
201
00:08:57,383 --> 00:09:00,283
Oh! Oh! Niles, Niles,
do you know anything about
this?
202
00:09:00,316 --> 00:09:02,216
Yes, and if I don't
follow it to the letter,
203
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:02,480
Mr. Sheffield's
going to have a coronary.
204
00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:10,830
Fran, I'm so upset.
205
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,216
Oh, honey, I know.
Be brave.
206
00:09:12,250 --> 00:09:13,380
Look at the size
of this zit.
207
00:09:13,416 --> 00:09:15,426
Zit?
208
00:09:15,466 --> 00:09:16,416
Do you have any cover-up
in your purse?
209
00:09:16,450 --> 00:09:18,320
Oh, sure, honey.
210
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:21,420
I've got. I'll do.
I'll fix.
211
00:09:21,450 --> 00:09:24,320
♪ Nothing's gonna harm you
Not while I'm around ♪
212
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,350
Oh, honey.
213
00:09:35,383 --> 00:09:37,403
What are you doing here
all by yourself?
214
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:39,303
Where'd Erica go?
215
00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:41,383
I don't know.
But Brighton's in the bathroom.
216
00:09:41,416 --> 00:09:43,226
She probably
followed him in there.
217
00:09:43,266 --> 00:09:45,396
Oh, sweetie.
218
00:09:45,433 --> 00:09:48,183
Now, don't exaggerate.
219
00:09:48,216 --> 00:09:49,266
Get out!
220
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:53,420
It's not fair.
221
00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:55,450
She's supposed
to be my friend.
222
00:09:55,483 --> 00:09:58,253
Honey, an adorable brother
223
00:09:58,283 --> 00:10:01,373
could be your ticket
to popularity.
224
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,480
Look at Shirley MacLaine
and Warren Beatty.
225
00:10:05,233 --> 00:10:07,103
Do you think that if
he wasn't her brother,
226
00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:08,203
she would have a date
in any life?
227
00:10:11,830 --> 00:10:13,500
Come on, have I ever
steered you wrong?
228
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,220
What about
that home perm?
229
00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:17,130
Meanwhile, you were quick
to grab the prize
230
00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:18,316
at the Howie Mandel
lookalike contest.
231
00:10:20,233 --> 00:10:22,303
Erica, get away
from that door.
232
00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:23,233
Brighton's gonna
be in there a while.
233
00:10:23,266 --> 00:10:25,176
The brassiere section
234
00:10:25,216 --> 00:10:26,196
from my Penney's catalogue
is missing.
235
00:10:28,233 --> 00:10:30,333
Hey, Erica,
you wanna go upstairs?
236
00:10:30,660 --> 00:10:31,150
I'll let you use
Brighton's toothbrush.
237
00:10:31,183 --> 00:10:32,163
[GASPS]
Cool!
238
00:10:35,450 --> 00:10:37,370
Can you believe she followed me
into the bathroom?
239
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,370
Meanwhile, did you
put the seat down?
240
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,300
Because Miss Babcock
fell in again.
241
00:10:43,333 --> 00:10:45,003
It wasn't me. I don't know
who keeps leaving it up.
242
00:10:45,330 --> 00:10:46,200
[WHISTLING]
243
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,280
Brighton, you're not taking
advantage of this situation.
244
00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:53,326
[DOOR SLAMS]
[WHISTLING]
245
00:10:54,450 --> 00:10:56,470
You've got a girl
who worships and adores you.
246
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,320
Honey, you gotta
do the right thing.
247
00:10:58,350 --> 00:11:00,250
What?
Make her your slave.
248
00:11:00,283 --> 00:11:01,153
Cool!
249
00:11:03,316 --> 00:11:04,326
Niles, there's
a messenger coming
250
00:11:04,366 --> 00:11:05,276
to pick this up
in a few minutes.
251
00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:07,496
No!
Are you insane?
252
00:11:07,830 --> 00:11:08,130
It's all right. I've got it.
Let go!
253
00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:09,196
No, I've got it.
Let go!
254
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:10,333
All right.
255
00:11:10,366 --> 00:11:11,166
Oh!
256
00:11:12,433 --> 00:11:13,323
Ah!
257
00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:17,353
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
258
00:11:17,383 --> 00:11:19,183
Are you okay?
259
00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:21,126
Well, Miss Fine, while
I'm waiting
260
00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:22,466
for the throbbing
to subside,
261
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,220
have you given
any further thought
262
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:25,450
to that little matter
we discussed?
263
00:11:25,483 --> 00:11:27,333
Is it that urgent?
264
00:11:27,366 --> 00:11:28,216
Well, I'd certainly
rest easier.
265
00:11:30,433 --> 00:11:32,103
Oh, look, he's stopping
to smell the roses.
266
00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:36,233
[KNOCKING]
267
00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:43,220
Oh, Val, thanks
for coming back.
268
00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:45,370
I hope it wasn't
too much trouble.
269
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,100
Please, how hard is it to
wait
for two trains, a bus,
270
00:11:48,133 --> 00:11:50,133
and cut through Central Park
at night?
271
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:53,146
Oh, 'cause you know
I'm just so beside myself
272
00:11:53,183 --> 00:11:56,153
with this whole "Mr. Sheffield
dropping dead" situation.
273
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,173
Tea?
Sure.
274
00:12:00,233 --> 00:12:02,383
I mean, why is he even
having this dinner party?
275
00:12:02,416 --> 00:12:05,176
He's in such denial.
276
00:12:05,216 --> 00:12:07,216
And you know, they're gonna
ship me and the kids
277
00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:09,130
off to his sister's
in England.
278
00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:10,476
England?
With all that rain?
279
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:11,430
What are you gonna
do there?
280
00:12:11,466 --> 00:12:12,416
You know you frizz.
281
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,180
Oh, my God.
282
00:12:17,216 --> 00:12:19,426
Now you know
how upset I am.
283
00:12:19,466 --> 00:12:23,196
I didn't even think
about my hair.
284
00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:25,133
What am I gonna do
in England?
285
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:26,266
I'm gonna have to learn
a whole 'nother language.
286
00:12:29,366 --> 00:12:31,166
Besides,
the truth be told,
287
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:34,120
the kids are much closer
to my side than his.
288
00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:35,230
They may look British,
289
00:12:35,266 --> 00:12:36,376
but they think Yiddish.
290
00:12:39,416 --> 00:12:42,496
Have you thought about
the funeral arrangements?
291
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,320
Oh, I forgot about that.
292
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:49,220
Now I'm gonna have
to figure out flowers, food,
293
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:52,230
how he wants to spend
the hereafter.
294
00:12:52,266 --> 00:12:57,276
You know, we put Uncle Louie
in a gorgeous urn.
295
00:12:57,316 --> 00:12:58,246
Maybe we should stick him
in that.
296
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,200
Where'd Uncle Louie go?
297
00:13:02,233 --> 00:13:05,663
Oh, my mother took a couple
of Dexatrim one day
298
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:06,250
and got on to
a real cleaning jag.
299
00:13:09,183 --> 00:13:10,433
P.S., Uncle Louie's spending
eternity in a Dirt Devil.
300
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:15,480
[TEAPOT WHISTLING]
301
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,170
Well, if you need a place
for the funeral,
302
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,500
my Cousin Gino
just redid his parlor.
303
00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:22,150
He bought out the Chinese
restaurant next door.
304
00:13:24,416 --> 00:13:27,166
Oh, I don't know, Val.
305
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,170
A funeral
in a Chinese restaurant?
306
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,400
What happens?
You cry your eyes out,
307
00:13:31,433 --> 00:13:33,183
and an hour later
you wanna grieve again.
308
00:13:33,216 --> 00:13:34,376
[BOTH SHRIEK AND LAUGH]
309
00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:37,146
Franny! Ah!
310
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,183
Stop it.
Stop it, stop!
311
00:13:39,216 --> 00:13:40,476
You stop!
No, it's not nice.
312
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,170
Poo-poo, poo-poo.
- Poo-poo, poo-poo.
313
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,180
[LAUGHS]
314
00:13:44,216 --> 00:13:46,116
Oh, but it feels good
to laugh.
315
00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:48,350
Mmm. I needed
that release.
316
00:13:48,383 --> 00:13:50,233
MAXWELL: Miss Fine.
317
00:13:50,266 --> 00:13:53,656
Oh, hello again, Miss
Toriello,
long time no see.
318
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:56,150
Miss Fine, could you give me
a hand with this cufflink?
319
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:58,273
Mr. Sheffield, could I ask you
a couple of questions?
320
00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,130
Mm-hm.
321
00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:04,296
If you were, let's say,
taking a nap on the couch
322
00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:06,253
where people might,
oh, I don't know,
323
00:14:06,283 --> 00:14:07,353
line up to see you...
324
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:12,176
would you be more comfortable
in a suit
325
00:14:12,216 --> 00:14:14,366
or something sporty
or, let's say, waterproof?
326
00:14:16,433 --> 00:14:18,183
What is this?
AnotherCosmo
327
00:14:18,216 --> 00:14:20,376
I promise, it's the last one...
328
00:14:20,416 --> 00:14:21,296
[SOBBING] ...you'll ever
have to take.
329
00:14:23,483 --> 00:14:25,303
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, that must
be my investor.
330
00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:26,423
All right.
How do I look?
331
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:29,430
Oh, you look great,
just great!
332
00:14:29,466 --> 00:14:30,366
Doesn't he?
Ah!
333
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:33,350
Oh, he's
at death's door.
334
00:14:33,383 --> 00:14:35,233
Oh, I gotta be strong.
335
00:14:35,266 --> 00:14:38,276
Franny, my heart
goes out to you.
336
00:14:38,316 --> 00:14:39,376
What are you going to do?
337
00:14:39,416 --> 00:14:41,126
What can I do?
338
00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:43,466
I'm just gonna
have to be my usual
339
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,000
charming, effervescent
life of the party.
340
00:14:47,183 --> 00:14:48,233
[SOBBING]
341
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:01,403
Sorry, Doug,
you'll have to excuse us.
342
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:03,203
This isn't
a typical evening.
343
00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:05,833
Yes, you're
not
home alone,
344
00:15:05,116 --> 00:15:06,326
sitting on your foot
massager,
watchingSisters.
345
00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,303
So, uh--
so tell me, Doug,
346
00:15:12,333 --> 00:15:14,453
what's the real story
behind Faye Dunaway
347
00:15:14,483 --> 00:15:16,353
inSunset Boulevard,
348
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,333
All I know
is I have the distinction
349
00:15:18,366 --> 00:15:21,156
of being the only person
who ever lost money
350
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,350
with Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.
351
00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:25,183
You do know that
he's been knighted, don't you?
352
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,276
Oh, he do.
353
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:31,450
You know, everyone
in the Sheffield family tree
354
00:15:31,483 --> 00:15:33,153
has a title of Sir or Lord
in their name...
355
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,283
except for Dad,
356
00:15:35,316 --> 00:15:36,826
and Uncle Bill, who thinks
he's a leprechaun.
357
00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:40,126
Thank you, Margaret.
358
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:42,326
Mr. Sheffield,
butter?
359
00:15:42,366 --> 00:15:44,656
No, I already have some,
thank you, Miss Fine.
360
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:45,130
You're not gonna eat that,
are you?
361
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:47,176
Why not?
Uh...
362
00:15:47,216 --> 00:15:48,166
'Cause it just
fell on the floor.
363
00:15:59,183 --> 00:16:01,503
Sour cream
for your potato, sir?
364
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:02,150
Yes--
No.
365
00:16:02,183 --> 00:16:04,123
May I have that,
please.
366
00:16:06,116 --> 00:16:07,496
Oh, my God! Fire!
367
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:10,170
What?
368
00:16:10,166 --> 00:16:11,346
Oh, my mistake.
369
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,330
I must be hallucinating.
370
00:16:16,660 --> 00:16:17,130
Niles, what kind of mushrooms
did you put in that soup?
371
00:16:21,316 --> 00:16:22,166
Miss Fine, will you pass me
the salt, please?
372
00:16:23,433 --> 00:16:25,333
I think we're all out.
373
00:16:25,366 --> 00:16:27,446
No, it's right there
in front of your face.
374
00:16:27,483 --> 00:16:30,133
Oh, all right.
Here ya go.
375
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,216
Miss Fine, perhaps
I didn't make myself clear.
376
00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:35,420
Please pass
the blasted salt.
377
00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:37,470
Thank you.
378
00:16:40,116 --> 00:16:41,426
So, Doug, Andrew's loss
is our gain, huh?
379
00:16:41,466 --> 00:16:43,346
Here's to a long
and fruit--
380
00:16:46,283 --> 00:16:48,433
Miss Fine,
what are you doing?
381
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:51,316
Oh, it's okay.
It's blowfish.
382
00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:52,350
I'm just cooling it
off for you.
383
00:16:55,233 --> 00:16:58,133
Well, don't.
- Well, fine.
384
00:16:58,166 --> 00:16:59,476
Burn your mouth,
but quit hoggin' the salt.
385
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:00,400
Here.
386
00:17:02,660 --> 00:17:03,320
Oh, thank you.
[CHUCKES]
387
00:17:03,350 --> 00:17:05,220
Everything is so delicious.
388
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:08,000
I don't eat like this normally.
389
00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:09,250
Mm, I'd, uh--
I'd like to make a toast.
390
00:17:09,283 --> 00:17:11,283
What a good idea.
391
00:17:11,316 --> 00:17:13,346
Hollandaise?
- Oh, yes, please.
392
00:17:13,383 --> 00:17:15,433
DOUG:
May we sweep the Tony Awards
393
00:17:15,466 --> 00:17:18,326
and enjoy
a tenth year--
394
00:17:18,366 --> 00:17:21,826
Have you lost your
mind?
What are you doing?
395
00:17:21,116 --> 00:17:23,196
Well, egg is such a good...
396
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,160
It's such a good moisturizer,
397
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,450
and my hands have been
so dry lately.
398
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:36,150
Miss Fine, could I--?
399
00:17:36,183 --> 00:17:38,503
Could I have a little
word
with you?
400
00:17:38,830 --> 00:17:40,180
Sure. Go ahead.
401
00:17:40,216 --> 00:17:41,276
[SHE SQUEAKS]
402
00:17:41,316 --> 00:17:44,156
In the kitchen,
please!
403
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,180
I just have to show him
where the toothpicks are.
404
00:17:46,183 --> 00:17:47,323
[SHE GRUNTS]
405
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:50,100
What have I ever
done to you?
406
00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:52,153
Why are you trying
to destroy me?
407
00:17:52,183 --> 00:17:54,273
Me? I think you're doing
a pretty good job
408
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:57,330
of that yourself,
Sir Hollandaise.
409
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,100
You know, when you first
came to this house,
410
00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:00,433
I thought,
"Oh, she's nuts."
411
00:18:00,466 --> 00:18:02,446
But then we began
making progress.
412
00:18:02,483 --> 00:18:04,183
I-I actually thought
I was beginning to see
413
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,366
the light at the end
of the tunnel.
414
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,420
Don't go towards
the light.
415
00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:12,350
You're actually insane.
416
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:14,383
Have those chemicals
you use to color your hair
417
00:18:14,416 --> 00:18:16,196
finally seeped
into your brain?
418
00:18:16,233 --> 00:18:18,483
I don't color my hair.
419
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,130
I just put on a layer
of dark highlights.
420
00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:24,300
I'm calling a doctor.
Why? Are you okay?
421
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:26,283
Don't you feel all right?
You're scaring me.
422
00:18:26,316 --> 00:18:28,126
Mr. Sheffield,
don't be scared.
423
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:29,246
I'll never leave you.
424
00:18:29,283 --> 00:18:30,333
Now you're terrifying me.
425
00:18:32,266 --> 00:18:35,216
Why can't you follow the menu
from your cardiologist?
426
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:37,200
You know, you're
just
like my mother.
427
00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:39,123
She thinks that if she has
an M&M with a glass of water,
428
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:40,500
it's like taking a One-A-Day.
429
00:18:42,183 --> 00:18:44,353
Miss Fine,
this is Emerson's diet.
430
00:18:44,383 --> 00:18:47,003
I'm in perfect health.
431
00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:50,660
The only coronary I'm gonna get
around here is over you.
432
00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:52,170
So you're
not gonna die?
433
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,300
Oh, Mr. Sheffield--
Oh, because, you know,
434
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:58,273
I don't know where
any of the policies are.
435
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,320
I don't wanna go through
your drawers and find out
436
00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:02,830
that you've been
keeping another nanny
437
00:19:02,116 --> 00:19:03,096
on the side all these--
438
00:19:03,133 --> 00:19:04,003
Hm...
439
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:09,300
You know, strange
though it might seem,
440
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:11,433
this is actually beginning
to make sense to me.
441
00:19:11,466 --> 00:19:12,996
I'll just go in there
and tell Emerson
442
00:19:13,330 --> 00:19:15,330
you're off
your medication.
443
00:19:15,660 --> 00:19:17,220
You know, it's really
kind of funny
444
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:19,130
when ya think about it.
445
00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:22,156
What?
- Well, you know, Emerson,
446
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:23,480
you're saying is the guy
with the heart condition.
447
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,200
Yeah.
But, meanwhile,
448
00:19:25,233 --> 00:19:27,223
I've been putting
all of your sauce
449
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:30,330
and butter and cream
on his plate!
450
00:19:30,366 --> 00:19:34,996
[BOTH LAUGH]
451
00:19:35,330 --> 00:19:35,350
[SHE CHUCKLES]
452
00:19:36,483 --> 00:19:41,123
[SIRENS WAIL]
453
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:45,660
You know, Miss Fine,
there are many ways
454
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,330
a producer can lose
a potential backer.
455
00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:50,480
He may dislike the show,
hate the casting,
456
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,000
but death-by-nanny
may actually be a first.
457
00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:55,433
Well, he's not dead yet.
458
00:19:57,366 --> 00:19:59,426
Believe me, if there
was anything that I can do
459
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:02,116
to trade places with him,
I wish I was lying in that
bed
460
00:20:02,150 --> 00:20:04,220
with tubes coming
out of me.
461
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:06,500
Although, I didn't force
the food down his throat.
462
00:20:08,283 --> 00:20:11,333
It's all right.
We've nothing to worry about.
463
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:13,160
Oh!
- You spoke to the doctor?
464
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:14,000
No. The bank.
The checked cleared.
465
00:20:16,166 --> 00:20:18,826
Maxwell Sheffield?
466
00:20:18,116 --> 00:20:20,826
Yes, yes, yes, yes, how...
how is Mr. Emerson?
467
00:20:20,116 --> 00:20:21,366
Absolutely fine.
468
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,200
Just a severe case
of gastro indigestion.
469
00:20:24,233 --> 00:20:26,233
Must be something
he ate.
470
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:28,166
Well, not necessarily.
471
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,830
Stress could do it
to you too.
472
00:20:30,116 --> 00:20:32,316
My friend Val
used to sing
473
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:34,430
the national anthem
at assembly, solo.
474
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:38,126
She would get
so stressed out--
475
00:20:38,166 --> 00:20:40,196
well, when she got to the part
the "bombs bursting in air"...
476
00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:45,150
let's just say,
she didn't need a timpani.
477
00:20:48,250 --> 00:20:50,350
All right, Miss Fine.
Let's go home.
478
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:53,503
You know,
life is so strange.
479
00:20:53,830 --> 00:20:54,420
One minute,
you're eatin' dinner,
480
00:20:54,450 --> 00:20:57,430
the next minute,
you're fightin' for your
life.
481
00:20:57,466 --> 00:21:00,326
I'll tell ya, it's like
Shakespeare once said,
482
00:21:00,366 --> 00:21:02,376
"Like sands
through the hourglass,
483
00:21:02,416 --> 00:21:06,146
so are
the days of our lives."
484
00:21:06,183 --> 00:21:08,353
Well, Miss Fine, let's go
back,
see the children,
485
00:21:08,383 --> 00:21:10,003
let them know
everything's all right.
486
00:21:10,330 --> 00:21:13,330
You know, I love
those kids so much
487
00:21:13,660 --> 00:21:17,230
that as soon as we get home,
I want to sign that will.
488
00:21:17,266 --> 00:21:19,466
But what happens to them
if I go first?
489
00:21:21,433 --> 00:21:23,173
ThenI
490
00:21:25,383 --> 00:21:28,103
You see, Miss Fine,
they are my children.
491
00:21:28,133 --> 00:21:30,003
But what if I'm the one--?
- No, no.
492
00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:31,130
I promise, I'm going first.
493
00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:37,156
There. Signed, sealed
and delivered.
494
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,120
Now take it away.
495
00:21:38,150 --> 00:21:40,220
I never wanna
see that will again.
496
00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:42,180
Were our names mentioned
anywhere else?
497
00:21:42,216 --> 00:21:42,426
Let me see that will again.
498
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,170
I just wanna make sure
that I dotted my "I."
499
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,470
Nope, no, no. Little
smiley-face
and everything.
500
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,330
FRAN:
Uh-huh.
501
00:21:52,366 --> 00:21:53,366
No matter, I'm taking
the silver anyway.
502
00:21:57,100 --> 00:21:58,270
Look at that,
you've got a wall safe
503
00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:00,450
just like in the movies.
504
00:22:00,483 --> 00:22:03,333
I've been here over a year,
I never knew that was there.
505
00:22:03,660 --> 00:22:05,380
Let's see, right 49...
506
00:22:05,416 --> 00:22:08,416
left 32...
507
00:22:08,450 --> 00:22:11,330
right--
What was it?
508
00:22:11,660 --> 00:22:14,250
BOTH:
Forty-two, right.
509
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:22,250
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
510
00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:30,120
that little Erica made up
with her old boyfriend.
511
00:22:30,150 --> 00:22:31,420
She didn't wanna give up
half her Barbie Dream House
512
00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:32,450
in the settlement.
513
00:22:32,483 --> 00:22:34,383
Oh.
Right.
514
00:22:34,416 --> 00:22:36,246
It's so pathetic.
515
00:22:36,283 --> 00:22:37,453
This geeky little kid
drooling all over you.
516
00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:39,153
Well, you know...
517
00:22:39,183 --> 00:22:41,183
Hi, Fran.
Hi, honey.
518
00:22:41,216 --> 00:22:42,296
This is my friend,
Pamela.
519
00:22:42,333 --> 00:22:43,353
Hi, sweetie.
- Hi.
520
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,300
[CHIMES PLAY]
521
00:22:49,333 --> 00:22:50,303
[LOUD THUD]
522
00:22:53,283 --> 00:22:55,503
[MOANS]
35708
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