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1
00:00:09,330 --> 00:00:10,230
Okay, kids,
come on, come on.
2
00:00:10,266 --> 00:00:11,466
Everyone hold on to me.
3
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:12,380
Not you, you pervert.
4
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,280
Wow! This is so cool.
5
00:00:17,316 --> 00:00:19,266
Dad never lets us
take the subway.
6
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:21,370
Well, the entire
city
is in gridlock.
7
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,000
I don't know who schedules
a Gay Pride parade
8
00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:25,320
on the same day
they're unveiling a
Calvin Klein
billboard.
9
00:00:27,166 --> 00:00:29,156
Gimme a dollar!
10
00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,160
Don't worry, kids,
I'll take care of this.
11
00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:32,430
[SHOUTS] What am I,
Santa Claus?
12
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,156
You give ME
a dollar!
13
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:36,350
Yeah!
14
00:00:42,183 --> 00:00:43,473
You weren't even
afraid of him.
15
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,330
Oh, honey, just cause
he yelled in my face?
16
00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:47,330
You obviously have never seen
17
00:00:47,366 --> 00:00:48,116
my mother watch
The Price Is Right.
18
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,433
Oh, it's creepy
down here.
19
00:00:52,466 --> 00:00:55,296
Oh, honey, the
subway's
not creepy.
20
00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:57,383
It's just nobody
gives a damn anymore.
21
00:00:57,416 --> 00:00:59,126
What do I do
with my soda?
22
00:00:59,166 --> 00:00:59,446
Just leave it on the floor.
23
00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:04,133
[BABY CRIES]
24
00:01:04,166 --> 00:01:06,826
Oh, would you look
at that poor woman
25
00:01:06,116 --> 00:01:07,266
with all those
kids
and bags.
26
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:09,150
Hold your sister a minute.
27
00:01:09,183 --> 00:01:11,003
Excuse me.
Can I give you a hand?
28
00:01:11,330 --> 00:01:17,280
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
29
00:01:17,316 --> 00:01:19,146
Can I hold
something for you?
- [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
30
00:01:19,183 --> 00:01:21,333
Oh, wow.
31
00:01:21,366 --> 00:01:23,826
I would have given
me
the salami,
32
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:24,466
but you're a lot cuter.
33
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,400
[LAUGHS]
34
00:01:26,433 --> 00:01:29,383
You see, kids, one simple act
of kindness,
35
00:01:29,416 --> 00:01:31,416
and already the world
is a better place.
36
00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:33,420
[SHOUTING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
37
00:01:33,450 --> 00:01:35,160
This is America.
She could speak English.
38
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:42,383
[PASSENGERS CLAMORING]
39
00:01:42,416 --> 00:01:44,826
Oh, good, a seat.
40
00:01:44,116 --> 00:01:46,316
Yeah. Yes,
you're such a
doll.
41
00:01:46,350 --> 00:01:49,170
You're such a doll.
42
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,430
That's right.
Shayna punim.
43
00:01:52,466 --> 00:01:57,446
[SHOUTING]
44
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,450
Oh, what ashayna punim.
45
00:02:05,483 --> 00:02:08,273
What a littlebubbeleh.
46
00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:10,200
Uh, excuse me...
Yentl?
47
00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:13,300
Yeah? What?
48
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,003
Where's the mother?
49
00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:17,330
Oh, my God.
50
00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:19,300
She abandoned her baby.
51
00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:23,663
[GASPS]
What is this world
coming to?
52
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:23,480
The salami, she guards
with her life.
53
00:02:25,433 --> 00:02:27,203
Fran, what are we gonna do?
54
00:02:27,233 --> 00:02:29,373
Oh, you poor, defenseless
little thing.
55
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,200
Ow!
56
00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:33,153
Someone's hungry.
57
00:02:35,433 --> 00:02:36,433
Can you believe
that wasn't
the first time
58
00:02:36,466 --> 00:02:37,296
that ever happened to
me
in the subway.
59
00:02:39,116 --> 00:02:42,116
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
60
00:02:42,150 --> 00:02:43,230
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
61
00:02:43,266 --> 00:02:44,996
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
62
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:46,130
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
63
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,326
♪ In one Of those
Crushing scenes ♪
64
00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:49,330
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
65
00:02:49,366 --> 00:02:51,466
♪ She was out
on her fanny ♪
66
00:02:53,150 --> 00:02:54,180
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
67
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,126
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
68
00:02:56,166 --> 00:02:58,226
♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪
69
00:02:58,266 --> 00:03:00,196
♪ She had style, she had flair,
she was there ♪
70
00:03:00,233 --> 00:03:03,163
♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪
71
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,220
♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪
72
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:09,280
♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪
73
00:03:09,316 --> 00:03:10,266
♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
74
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:12,330
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
75
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,100
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
76
00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:14,323
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
77
00:03:14,350 --> 00:03:16,500
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
78
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,170
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
79
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,153
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
80
00:03:22,183 --> 00:03:22,453
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
81
00:03:27,116 --> 00:03:30,226
Oh, I can't believe
I'm holding a baby.
82
00:03:30,266 --> 00:03:31,996
If only you came with a husband
and a house in Great Neck.
83
00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:36,660
Okay, we gotta
act fast here.
84
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,180
Gracie, go bring
down
your pink blanket.
85
00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:39,326
Not my blankie.
86
00:03:39,366 --> 00:03:42,216
Oh, God, I can't believe
you
still have that thing.
87
00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:44,220
And, Brighton, bring down
the Snoopy up in your
closet.
88
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:46,280
What Snoopy
in my
closet?
89
00:03:46,316 --> 00:03:48,216
You know, you're
just like my mother.
90
00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:50,660
"What Nestlé's Crunch bar
under my NordicTrack?"
91
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:50,400
Go.
92
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,320
Oh, what a day I had today.
[BABY CRIES]
93
00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:56,470
Mm, let me guess.
94
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,500
Yard sale at Mia Farrow's?
95
00:03:58,830 --> 00:03:59,830
Oh.
96
00:03:59,116 --> 00:04:02,366
Oh, ho.
97
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,380
Oh, Maggie, go see if you
can find some bottles.
98
00:04:06,416 --> 00:04:09,416
Niles, do we have any
old nipples around the house?
99
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:10,330
Hello, hello.
100
00:04:17,283 --> 00:04:20,333
Good afternoon, C.C.,
Niles, Miss Fine, baby.
101
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:21,330
[BABY CRIES]
102
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,500
Why?
103
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,250
Some woman just abandoned
this baby on the subway.
104
00:04:26,283 --> 00:04:28,153
I'll tell you it's a good
thing
I was there,
105
00:04:28,183 --> 00:04:30,273
or he could have been
found by some wacko.
106
00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:31,430
You know, one of those people
107
00:04:31,466 --> 00:04:33,476
who walk around
talking to themselves.
108
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,120
Although, what the hell
I'm gonna do with a baby,
109
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,000
I'll never know.
110
00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:37,403
I'll call 911.
111
00:04:39,283 --> 00:04:41,483
What kind of evil,
cold-hearted woman
112
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,160
abandons a poor little
defenseless creature?
113
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,660
Oh, that reminds me.
114
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:47,370
Yellow Cab called, you
left
your dog in the taxi...
115
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,470
again.
116
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,250
Oh, my God.
117
00:04:51,283 --> 00:04:54,353
That's where I left
my Gucci umbrella.
118
00:04:54,383 --> 00:04:56,503
Ten to one she comes back with
the Gucci and not the poochie.
119
00:04:58,433 --> 00:05:01,003
OPERATOR [OVER PHONE]:
Hello, you've reachedemergency 911.
120
00:05:01,330 --> 00:05:03,100
To report a murder, press 1.
121
00:05:03,133 --> 00:05:05,233
For a mugging, press 2.
122
00:05:05,266 --> 00:05:08,266
For bomb threats below34th Street, press 3.
123
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,380
34th Street to 72nd, press 4.
124
00:05:11,316 --> 00:05:14,996
Oh, you gotta love the N.Y.P.D.
125
00:05:15,330 --> 00:05:17,130
Meanwhile, where's that
David Caruso going so fast
126
00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:18,426
with that big white
freckly butt of his?
127
00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:23,380
Miss Fine, why the devil
did you bring the baby
here?
128
00:05:23,416 --> 00:05:24,426
Why didn't you
just
pass him over
129
00:05:24,466 --> 00:05:26,276
to a policeman straightaway?
130
00:05:26,316 --> 00:05:29,826
They're very busy.
It's Sunday.
131
00:05:29,116 --> 00:05:31,176
The gays are comin' out,
the yuppies are workin' out,
132
00:05:31,216 --> 00:05:32,326
and the Jews are eatin' out.
133
00:05:35,116 --> 00:05:36,216
Oh.
134
00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:38,830
Oh?
Be careful.
135
00:05:38,116 --> 00:05:39,996
Mr. Snoopy's really old.
- I will.
136
00:05:40,330 --> 00:05:42,120
Look, his tail's loose,
his hair's fallin' out,
137
00:05:42,150 --> 00:05:43,450
and he's
bustin'
at the seams.
138
00:05:43,483 --> 00:05:45,183
Oh, give him a remote control,
he could be my father.
139
00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:48,320
MAGGIE:
Fran!
140
00:05:48,350 --> 00:05:49,370
Here, you hold.
141
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,330
What sweetie? What?
142
00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:52,320
Fran, I can't find
my blankie anywhere.
143
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:53,180
Oy.
144
00:05:58,330 --> 00:05:59,380
GRACE: Fran?
- Yeah, honey.
145
00:05:59,416 --> 00:06:01,826
I can't find
any bottles anywhere.
146
00:06:01,116 --> 00:06:02,146
How about a turkey baster?
147
00:06:02,183 --> 00:06:04,233
Oh, sweetie.
148
00:06:04,266 --> 00:06:06,396
We're trying to feed a
baby,
not impregnate Ling Ling.
149
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:08,103
[BABY CRIES]
- Oy!
150
00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:10,833
All right, Miss Fine.
That's it, here's your
coat.
151
00:06:10,116 --> 00:06:11,226
We're going down
to the police
station.
152
00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:12,416
[BABY CRIES]
Oh, all right,
but I'm telling you,
153
00:06:12,450 --> 00:06:15,660
we're never gonna get through.
154
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:18,830
How many gay people
can there be in New York?
155
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,366
This, from a man who
produces
Broadway musicals?
156
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,500
God! It's a bloody
mob scene out there.
157
00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:28,170
I mean, I'm proud
I'm British.
158
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,170
But you won't see
me
marching around
159
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,160
dressed as Queen Victoria.
160
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:35,220
I told you we should've
taken the subway.
161
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:37,350
Why? Hoping
to pick up a few more?
- Ugh!
162
00:06:37,383 --> 00:06:38,223
Maybe start a bowling team?
- Ugh!
163
00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:43,423
Hey, 100 sexy men
wanted your phone number.
164
00:06:43,450 --> 00:06:46,000
All they asked me was if
my boots came in a size 13.
165
00:06:47,466 --> 00:06:49,146
The baby's back.
166
00:06:49,183 --> 00:06:50,423
Oh, Daddy,
can we keep him?
167
00:06:52,116 --> 00:06:53,416
Gracie, heart,
he's not a lost puppy.
168
00:06:53,450 --> 00:06:55,170
He's somebody's baby.
169
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,220
All right.
Can I have a puppy?
170
00:06:58,283 --> 00:06:59,323
No, you may not have a puppy.
171
00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:01,170
Well, I don't know.
172
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,330
It might help fill the void
173
00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:05,180
after we have to give away
[SOBS] our baby boy.
174
00:07:06,316 --> 00:07:08,266
Miss Fine...
175
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:10,230
We need another boy
in this hen house.
176
00:07:10,266 --> 00:07:11,266
There's far too much
Blossom
177
00:07:13,383 --> 00:07:16,133
Here, Maggie,
hold
little Joshua
Elliott.
178
00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:17,116
Careful.
179
00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:18,470
Who?
180
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,380
Well, "Elliott" after
your father,
181
00:07:20,416 --> 00:07:22,826
and "Joshua" I just
always liked.
182
00:07:24,416 --> 00:07:26,416
Oh, I can't wait
to have a baby of my own.
183
00:07:26,450 --> 00:07:28,160
Yes, youcan
184
00:07:29,383 --> 00:07:30,323
You can wait a lot.
185
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,180
BRIGHTON:
Can you say "Nintendo"?
186
00:07:36,166 --> 00:07:37,296
Oh, he's so cute.
187
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:40,663
[ALL COOING]
188
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,100
We can't give him up.
- No.
189
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,200
Ew! He's pooping.
- Oh, yuck!
190
00:07:45,233 --> 00:07:47,223
Oh, no, give
him
to Brighton.
191
00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:49,500
No, give him to Fran.
She's getting paid.
192
00:07:49,830 --> 00:07:51,330
Ohhh.
193
00:07:51,366 --> 00:07:55,376
What are they making
such a fuss about?
194
00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:58,176
You'd think that they'd
never, ever seen a--
195
00:07:59,266 --> 00:08:00,126
[COUGHS]
196
00:08:02,450 --> 00:08:04,450
Oh! Oh!
197
00:08:06,450 --> 00:08:10,120
Oh, this kid's got far too
many
lentils in his diet.
198
00:08:12,383 --> 00:08:14,283
Oh, for God's sake,
just give him to me.
199
00:08:14,316 --> 00:08:16,126
Come here, little fella.
200
00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:17,276
Ho!
201
00:08:26,116 --> 00:08:27,346
All right. I know
what I'm gonna do.
202
00:08:27,383 --> 00:08:29,323
I'm gonna call the Department
of Social Services.
203
00:08:29,350 --> 00:08:31,180
Oh, yeah, Sunday at 4:30,
they're waitin' for you.
204
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:37,660
Oh, there's that vein
in your forehead
again.
205
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,250
You know, Miss Fine,
it's very odd,
206
00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:40,483
but that vein wasn't there
a year ago.
207
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,450
Just like the gray streak
in your hair?
208
00:08:42,483 --> 00:08:44,273
Yes, exactly like
the bloody gray streak.
209
00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:47,180
Oh, now, would you
calm down?
210
00:08:47,216 --> 00:08:49,126
You're getting
all wound up.
211
00:08:49,166 --> 00:08:50,416
Pretty soon you're
gonna
say something
212
00:08:50,450 --> 00:08:52,130
that you're gonna regret.
213
00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:53,826
I already did when I said,
"You're hired."
214
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:55,320
All right. Fine.
215
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,370
I'll just dump the kid
at the white zone
at the airport.
216
00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,450
There'll be 40 cops
on top of him
217
00:08:59,483 --> 00:09:00,183
before he's done unloading.
218
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:06,230
Oh, Maxwell, I'm so glad you
got
that baby to the authorities.
219
00:09:06,266 --> 00:09:08,346
I was very worried about that
poor little defenseless thing.
220
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:13,656
Oh, slap that kid's picture
on a milk carton,
221
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:14,500
and let's get back to work.
222
00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:25,103
Oh, Joshy,
what's the
matter?
223
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:25,423
Why aren't you eating?
224
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,200
Oh, Niles!
What the hell is
this?
225
00:09:30,233 --> 00:09:31,233
It's puréed liver
and Brussels sprouts.
226
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,466
Oh, the stuff
that came out of him
227
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,430
is more appetizing than that.
228
00:09:41,366 --> 00:09:44,276
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
now, don't get mad.
229
00:09:44,316 --> 00:09:46,446
I'm just giving him
one last feeding
230
00:09:46,483 --> 00:09:47,283
before I have to take him
to the orphanage.
231
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,160
Can you say, "Please, sir,
I want some more."
232
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,220
That's enough, Miss Fine.
233
00:09:54,216 --> 00:09:56,176
Well, what's with the box?
234
00:09:56,216 --> 00:09:57,266
Are you planning on mailing
him
to the police station?
235
00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:00,000
'Cause then you better punch
some holes in the top.
236
00:10:01,133 --> 00:10:02,333
As a matter of fact,
237
00:10:02,366 --> 00:10:04,216
these are some of
Brighton's
old baby clothes.
238
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:06,180
I thought they
might
come in handy.
239
00:10:06,216 --> 00:10:09,166
Oh, that was
very sweet of you.
240
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,270
Isn't he a nice man?
Isn't he a good man?
241
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,120
Yes.
242
00:10:14,150 --> 00:10:16,180
[MAKES KISSING NOISES]
Uh, Miss Fine,
243
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,346
I think you're becoming
far too emotionally
attached
244
00:10:18,383 --> 00:10:21,123
to this child.
Aww.
245
00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:23,270
Yes, isn't she, little fella?
- [BABY GURGLES]
246
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,500
Yes, she is.
I think she is.
247
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:28,280
I think she is.
248
00:10:28,316 --> 00:10:30,276
Well, you look
very natural.
249
00:10:30,316 --> 00:10:33,326
Been there three
times,
Miss Fine.
250
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:35,270
And if my expertise serves me,
I think we need changing again.
251
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,160
Excuse us.
252
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:38,350
Oh, give him to me.
I'll take him.
253
00:10:38,383 --> 00:10:40,303
No, no, that's all right.
I've got him, I'll do it.
254
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,203
Wait a minute here.
- Let's just
lay him down there.
255
00:10:42,233 --> 00:10:44,663
Lay him down.
Yeah, little fella.
256
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,130
We're gonna change you.
Yeah, good boy.
257
00:10:46,166 --> 00:10:49,156
Make you all dry.
Yeah, good boy,
good boy.
258
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,280
Well, Miss Fine,
I wouldn't stay there.
259
00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:53,196
You never know
with little boys.
- Oh!
260
00:10:53,233 --> 00:10:54,273
Brighton once shorted
a wall clock.
261
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:55,830
Oh.
262
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,270
There we go.
- Oh, yeah.
263
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,220
Well, we know one
thing
for sure,
264
00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:03,370
his mother
was not speaking Hebrew.
265
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:08,160
[COOS. BLOWS RASPBERRY]
266
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,000
[COOS, BLOWS RASPBERRY]
267
00:11:09,366 --> 00:11:11,226
[COOS, BLOWS RASPBERRY]
268
00:11:11,266 --> 00:11:12,246
They love it when you
blow on their tummies.
269
00:11:12,283 --> 00:11:13,153
Who doesn't?
270
00:11:16,166 --> 00:11:18,396
Who's the handsome fella
then, huh?
271
00:11:18,433 --> 00:11:20,273
Yes, who's the handsome fella?
272
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,330
You know he reminds me
of Brighton.
273
00:11:21,366 --> 00:11:22,476
Aw.
Whoa!
274
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,320
BOTH:
Heads up.
275
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:25,266
Exactly like Brighton.
276
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:30,320
Aw, what did you do?
What did you do?
277
00:11:30,350 --> 00:11:32,420
We'll get you dry.
Yes, we will.
278
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:34,330
You're a good boy.
279
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:35,430
You know, Ms. Fine, I, uh--
280
00:11:35,466 --> 00:11:38,446
I apologize for blowing up
at you earlier.
281
00:11:38,483 --> 00:11:41,433
Well, Mr.
Sheffield,
I apologize for--
282
00:11:41,466 --> 00:11:42,366
Actually,
I didn't do
anything.
283
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:44,170
Mmm. You're quite right.
284
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,150
Come here, little
guy.
Come here.
285
00:11:48,183 --> 00:11:50,203
Aw. Oh, honey,
would you--?
286
00:11:50,233 --> 00:11:54,153
I mean, uh, Mr. Sheffield,
uh, put the TV on.
287
00:11:54,183 --> 00:11:55,833
They like the
background noise.
288
00:11:55,116 --> 00:11:57,156
[REMOTE CONTROL CLICKS]
289
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:58,470
TV ANNOUNCER:
Senator Dole saidhe hasn't read the bill,
290
00:11:59,000 --> 00:11:59,330
but he's 100 percentagainst it.
291
00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:05,320
And in the local news,policeare looking for this woman
292
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,160
in connectionwith the mid-morningkidnapping
293
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:10,150
on the subway.
294
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,320
Oh, would you
look
at that nut?
295
00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:14,320
And she's
runnin'
around free.
296
00:12:14,350 --> 00:12:16,380
Oh, my God, Miss
Fine,
that's you.
297
00:12:16,416 --> 00:12:17,376
No way.
298
00:12:18,466 --> 00:12:21,266
Suspect is said to be 5'7",
299
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:24,160
approximately 105 pounds,and in her early 20s.
300
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:27,220
Oh, you're right. It is me.
301
00:12:27,216 --> 00:12:29,226
Miss Fine!
302
00:12:29,266 --> 00:12:31,326
Well, now, it's obviously
a mistake.
303
00:12:31,366 --> 00:12:34,176
And it's all my problem.
It has nothing to do with
you.
304
00:12:34,216 --> 00:12:36,466
Suspect is believedto work for this man,
305
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,200
renowned Broadway producerMaxwell Sheffield.
306
00:12:40,266 --> 00:12:42,126
Alright, that's it. We're
going
down to the police station.
307
00:12:42,166 --> 00:12:44,176
Oh, can't we just
call Al Cowlings
308
00:12:44,216 --> 00:12:45,246
and drive around
for a while first?
309
00:13:01,383 --> 00:13:03,253
Oh, wow.
310
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,203
This looks just like
the police station
311
00:13:04,233 --> 00:13:05,123
onCagney & Lacey.
312
00:13:08,116 --> 00:13:10,146
No wonder they had so much
crime in that precinct.
313
00:13:10,183 --> 00:13:11,153
All you had to do
was outrun Tyne
Daly.
314
00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:16,183
Mr. Sheffield, maybe
you
should take a number?
315
00:13:16,216 --> 00:13:18,326
Miss Fine,
this isn't a bakery.
316
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:19,220
Oh.
- They don't give you numbers.
317
00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:20,230
[BELL RINGS]
MAN: Sixty-two.
318
00:13:22,216 --> 00:13:24,376
Would you go
get a number, please?
319
00:13:24,416 --> 00:13:27,656
Oy, men, what are
you
gonna do with 'em?
320
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:28,830
Well, I'm not gonna
shoot 'em next time.
321
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,370
[BABY CRIES]
322
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,300
[SINGSONG]
Oh, little Jeremy Matthew,
how are you?
323
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:40,503
What happened
to "Joshua
Elliott"?
324
00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:42,330
I got tired of it.
325
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:44,273
I like the name "Joshua".
- Oh.
326
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,100
[BELL DINGS]
MAN: Sixty-three.
327
00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:46,353
Oh, that's us.
328
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,160
Now, may I do the
talking,
please.
329
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,180
Now, Mr. Sheffield.
I got us into this. Let me.
330
00:13:52,216 --> 00:13:53,296
Uh, look, Dick--
331
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,003
Sergeant.
332
00:13:55,330 --> 00:13:56,320
I'm sorry. Sergeant.
333
00:13:56,350 --> 00:13:58,000
Dick
Sargent/Sergeant,
what are the odds?
334
00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:01,183
Miss Fine.
335
00:14:02,366 --> 00:14:04,366
Oh, all right,
you better talk to
him.
336
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,270
I'm exhausted. I've been taking
care of a strange baby all day.
337
00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:10,003
Sergeant, uh,
this woman, my nanny,
338
00:14:10,330 --> 00:14:12,370
er, Fran Fine,
339
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,230
is charged with a crime
that I can assure you
she didn't commit.
340
00:14:14,266 --> 00:14:14,996
Prostitution?
341
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:19,330
Excuse me!
I'm not a hooker.
342
00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:21,166
I'm a kidnapper.
343
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,830
Well, my lawyer will finally
get that house
344
00:14:25,116 --> 00:14:26,156
in the south of France
he's always wanted.
345
00:14:27,383 --> 00:14:30,233
Fran Fine, you're under arrest.
346
00:14:30,266 --> 00:14:32,446
Oh, my God.
347
00:14:32,483 --> 00:14:34,283
Mr. Sheffield,
call Jacoby &
Meyers.
348
00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:38,170
I want the fat
one,
not the thin
one.
349
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,330
He's got an attitude.
350
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,000
Or is that
Siskel and
Ebert?
351
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:45,000
You have the right
to remain silent.
352
00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:46,830
[SNIGGERS] Obviously, you don't
know her very well.
353
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,500
[CAMERA CLICKS]
354
00:14:50,830 --> 00:14:54,300
SERGEANT:
Shoes.
355
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:55,120
[CAMERA CLICKS]
356
00:14:56,233 --> 00:14:57,173
Hair.
357
00:14:59,416 --> 00:15:00,246
[GASPS]
[CAMERA CLICKS]
358
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,303
Well, height is one thing,
but if you think
359
00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:11,333
that I'm gonna set
one foot on a scale,
360
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:12,660
you might as well
just put me into a cell
361
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:13,330
and throw away the key.
362
00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:18,116
What next? Because, frankly,
I'm feeling very violated.
363
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:19,470
We're gonna have to
strip-search you.
364
00:15:21,383 --> 00:15:24,663
Oh, no.
365
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,470
Not until there's a ring
on this finger
366
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,160
and two tickets to Aruba.
367
00:15:29,660 --> 00:15:30,450
Oh.
368
00:15:30,483 --> 00:15:32,353
Well, I wouldn't wanna
obstruct justice.
369
00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:38,446
[CHUCKLES]
370
00:15:44,466 --> 00:15:45,266
Oh--
371
00:15:46,416 --> 00:15:47,146
[DOOR SLAMS]
372
00:15:49,466 --> 00:15:51,426
Oh, sir.
373
00:15:51,466 --> 00:15:53,826
Niles, what are
you
doing here?
374
00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:54,346
Well, I was watching
America's Most Wanted,
375
00:15:54,383 --> 00:15:57,233
and lo and behold.
376
00:15:57,266 --> 00:15:59,496
I brought you a fresh shirt
and your shaving things.
377
00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:00,480
Oh, thank you.
378
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,350
I don't plan on
being here very
long.
- Hmm.
379
00:16:02,383 --> 00:16:03,433
How on earth did you get here
380
00:16:03,466 --> 00:16:05,146
with that Gay Pride
parade
going on?
381
00:16:05,183 --> 00:16:06,233
Oh, I borrowed the poodle
and walked.
382
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,300
In fact, I got
several job offers.
383
00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:12,423
What's the difference
between a butler and a houseboy?
384
00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:16,466
Well, in your case,
about 30 years,
Niles.
385
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,300
Rot in jail, sir.
386
00:16:25,233 --> 00:16:27,153
Well, there's one fantasy
shot to hell.
387
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,130
Niles!
388
00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:44,226
Didn't you see me fall
in that ConEd ditch?
389
00:16:44,266 --> 00:16:47,826
I nearly killed myself.
390
00:16:47,116 --> 00:16:49,196
All I saw was a blond woman
in an olive overcoat,
391
00:16:49,233 --> 00:16:49,473
and then she was gone.
392
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:54,130
Well, what am
I
wearing?
393
00:16:54,166 --> 00:16:55,426
Oh, lookie there.
394
00:16:58,316 --> 00:16:59,496
Maxwell...
395
00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:01,376
[SIGHS]
is everything all right?
396
00:17:01,416 --> 00:17:02,426
Has she been incarcerated yet?
Did I miss it?
397
00:17:05,116 --> 00:17:07,266
C.C., you could show
some concern for Miss
Fine.
398
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:11,270
Maxwell, my concern
is for you!
399
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:13,220
Before Nanny Fine
entered our lives,
400
00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,150
we never had to step foot
in a place like this.
401
00:17:15,183 --> 00:17:16,503
C.C.?
402
00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:18,230
Girlfriend.
403
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:23,833
Got you again, huh?
404
00:17:23,116 --> 00:17:25,476
You must have me confused
with someone else.
405
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,470
I've never seen this person
before in my life.
406
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,330
Oh, is that your game?
That's cool.
407
00:17:31,366 --> 00:17:33,226
Just stay off Second Avenue.
Leon's looking for you.
408
00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:37,470
[UNDER BREATH]
Leon?
409
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,230
Maxwell, I swear.
410
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,170
Here you go.
411
00:17:48,450 --> 00:17:50,180
How'd you like
it,
sugar?
412
00:17:50,216 --> 00:17:52,246
Oh, it was so good, I could
do it again and again and
again.
413
00:17:55,233 --> 00:17:58,133
Maxwell, you can't
seriously believe that--
414
00:17:58,166 --> 00:17:59,266
I know.
415
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:00,470
Did you go to Bryn Mawr?
416
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,500
Miss Fine, what
did they do to
you?
417
00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:10,150
Oh, it was horrible.
418
00:18:10,183 --> 00:18:12,173
Seven women, one toilet,
no door.
419
00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:17,166
Here's Big Bertha,
doin' her business
right out there in the open
420
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,450
like she's onWild Kingdom
or something.
421
00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:25,276
[SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
422
00:18:25,316 --> 00:18:28,296
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I'm
scared.
I can't go to prison.
423
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,473
I went to the bathroom
maybe three times
424
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,660
in all of summer camp.
425
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:33,130
I can't hold it in
for five-to-twenty.
426
00:18:35,316 --> 00:18:37,826
You're gonna have
to come with me.
427
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,496
[SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Oh, I can't believe this
is happening!
428
00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:43,500
I was just trying
to be helpful!
429
00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:44,230
This is just like Nikki
onThe Young and theRestless.
430
00:18:46,233 --> 00:18:47,233
Young and Restless?
Yeah!
431
00:18:49,116 --> 00:18:50,126
Nikki Newman Abbott?
432
00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:51,446
Yes, yes!
Oh!
433
00:18:51,483 --> 00:18:53,383
Remember, Nikki was accused
434
00:18:53,416 --> 00:18:55,266
of stealing Cricket's
baby
at Jabot Cosmetics?
435
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,830
Cricket!
436
00:18:57,166 --> 00:18:59,296
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
- Yes, yes!
437
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:01,183
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
- Only she wasn't stealing it.
438
00:19:01,216 --> 00:19:02,226
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
- She was holding it for a woman
439
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,096
that was putting on blush.
440
00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:06,663
[HEAVY ACCENT]
No, no. Mascara.
441
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,200
Oh, yeah, she's right,
she's right. Mascara.
442
00:19:08,233 --> 00:19:11,253
And then Cricket thought
that the baby was stolen,
443
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,483
and Nikki went to jail...
- [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
444
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,350
...and that shower scene
- [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
445
00:19:14,383 --> 00:19:16,253
...was more than we should've
seen on daytime.
446
00:19:16,283 --> 00:19:17,453
[BOTH LAUGH]
447
00:19:17,483 --> 00:19:19,353
[RINGS BELL]
Quiet, quiet.
448
00:19:19,383 --> 00:19:21,003
It wasn't Cricket's baby.
449
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,100
It was Ashley and Snapper's.
450
00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:26,303
[BOTH GASP]
Snapper!
451
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,483
[HEAVY ACCENT]
Snapper! Snapper!
452
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,400
All right, all right, uh...
453
00:19:30,433 --> 00:19:33,123
considering the circumstances,
454
00:19:33,150 --> 00:19:34,160
I guess you're free to go,
Miss Fine.
455
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:35,400
Oh.
456
00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:36,423
[SPEAKING SOFTLY IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
457
00:19:36,450 --> 00:19:39,280
Can I at least say
goodbye to the baby?
458
00:19:39,316 --> 00:19:40,246
Just wave, Miss Fine.
459
00:19:40,283 --> 00:19:42,333
Oh! Bye, Joshy.
460
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,330
Oh.
461
00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:45,220
Zbigniew.
462
00:19:46,283 --> 00:19:47,133
Zbigniew.
463
00:19:49,233 --> 00:19:50,383
Oh, that oughta go over
big
on the playground.
464
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,300
Well, I only knew him
for a couple of hours,
465
00:19:55,333 --> 00:19:56,483
but I'll never forget him.
466
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,203
I'll never forget her either.
Quick, act like we're
together.
467
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:21,333
You know what? I sort of liked
having a baby in the house.
468
00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:22,100
Except I had no idea
how much work they were.
469
00:20:25,660 --> 00:20:26,330
And they're always
making a mess.
470
00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:34,376
You know what,
Niles,
on second thought,
471
00:20:34,416 --> 00:20:36,416
could you bring these upstairs
so we can watch some TV?
Thanks.
472
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,320
I have two words for you -
473
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:39,270
"Hansel" and "Gretel".
474
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,330
Well, actually,
that's three words.
475
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:44,003
[OVEN DOOR CLUNKS]
476
00:20:53,183 --> 00:20:57,153
Oh, my. Would you
look at this mess?
477
00:20:57,183 --> 00:20:58,483
I'm bingeing.
478
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,280
I'm a little depressed
about giving back the baby.
479
00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:05,426
Oh, well, sweetie, we had to
give him back. He wasn't ours.
480
00:21:05,466 --> 00:21:07,426
That's right. He
didn't
belong to our
family.
- No.
481
00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:08,416
Then why don't you two
make a baby?
482
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:13,450
Take it away,
Mr. Sheffield.
483
00:21:13,483 --> 00:21:15,503
Well, um, I mean,
we'd have to be--
484
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,350
Well, you know, you
have
to be married first.
485
00:21:18,383 --> 00:21:20,383
Oh, right, married.
- There has to be an engagement.
486
00:21:20,416 --> 00:21:23,266
I'd want a big ring,
a party. Don't ask.
487
00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:25,000
Then why don't you two
get married?
488
00:21:25,330 --> 00:21:25,400
[CLEARS THROAT]
489
00:21:27,660 --> 00:21:28,230
I took the last one.
490
00:21:28,266 --> 00:21:29,496
Thanks.
491
00:21:30,433 --> 00:21:33,183
Well, you have to be in love
with the person.
492
00:21:33,216 --> 00:21:34,476
Don't you love Fran?
493
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:35,350
Yeah, don't you love Fran?
494
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,130
Well, in a
nanny-friend-boss
type of way.
495
00:21:42,330 --> 00:21:43,350
Yeah, and I love
your father
496
00:21:43,383 --> 00:21:45,333
in that "Thanks a lot, you
British cold fish" type of
way.
497
00:21:47,450 --> 00:21:49,200
But youcould
get married if you wanted to.
498
00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:55,180
Well, uh,
499
00:21:55,216 --> 00:21:58,156
we'd have to be best friends
to see if we can live
together.
500
00:21:58,500 --> 00:21:59,150
And of course
there'd have to be
501
00:21:59,183 --> 00:22:00,453
a very strong
physical attract--
502
00:22:00,483 --> 00:22:01,373
Would you go to bed?
503
00:22:03,660 --> 00:22:05,100
Geez.
504
00:22:05,133 --> 00:22:08,833
Kids, huh?
Always asking questions.
505
00:22:08,116 --> 00:22:10,226
And such vivid imaginations.
506
00:22:10,266 --> 00:22:12,196
"Why is the sky blue?"
"Where's heaven?"
507
00:22:14,116 --> 00:22:15,216
Why don't you and I
have a baby?
508
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:18,130
[BOTH LAUGH]
509
00:22:18,166 --> 00:22:20,276
Meanwhile, I wonder if
I'll ever be a mother.
510
00:22:20,316 --> 00:22:21,156
Well, there's always
the subway, Miss
Fine.
511
00:22:23,233 --> 00:22:25,303
Forget it. Next time
I bring home a baby,
512
00:22:25,333 --> 00:22:27,253
it's gonna be after
nine months of swollen ankles
513
00:22:27,283 --> 00:22:28,473
and an epidural that could
bring down Secretariat.
514
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:38,470
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
515
00:22:51,233 --> 00:22:54,123
MAN: Please,
no putting on
makeup.
516
00:22:54,150 --> 00:22:55,430
What are you gonna do?
Charge me with lipstick?
517
00:22:57,383 --> 00:22:59,253
Let's not play games.
518
00:22:59,283 --> 00:23:01,453
Did you take
the baby,
Fran?
519
00:23:01,483 --> 00:23:04,173
Now, I'd have to be
pretty stupid
520
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,180
to take a baby
521
00:23:06,216 --> 00:23:08,156
when I could have
taken the salami.
522
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:10,350
And I'm not stupid.
-[COMPACT SNAPS]
523
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:19,220
Can I get a little
eye contact here?
524
00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:23,370
Oh, you got
a better chance
525
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:24,450
of seeing
Tonya Harding
526
00:23:24,483 --> 00:23:25,473
on a box of Wheaties.
36363
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