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Excuse me.

What's the rush, kid?

Ms. Ball, they're calling for everyone on set, Ms. Ball.

Where is Mr. Arnaz, is he on the set?

Hey!

Mr. Arnaz,

Ms. Ball wants to know if you're on the set yet.

Of course I'm not,

I'm in here trying to hold this company together.

Tell her to get her fat ass to work.

Ms. Ball,

Mr. Arnaz says he'll join you on the set presently.

You tell him to put down the daiquiri shaker

and pretend to be sober for an hour.

Mr. Arnaz, Ms. Ball said...

I know what the hell she said.

Rotten bitch.

Lousy drunk.

Bill?

What?

I just wanted to say

we've had our disagreements over the years.

You mean we hated each other's guts.

Yes, that's right, we hated each other's guts.

But in the end, I just wanted to say

thanks, and good luck.

You don't mean that.

No, I don't.

Lucy, dear,

did you get those line changes for the first scene?

Yes, I did, they're fine.

Good. Well, have a good show, sweetheart.

You, too. Yeah.

God, it's worse than we thought.

They're being civil to each other.

This really is the end.

I want to thank you all for coming tonight.

This is an historic night.

The last Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour.

Believe me, we all wish it could be otherwise.

We wish we could go on forever.

Hey, now stop that.

I'm paying for that expensive makeup you're ruining.

Yes, boss.

In the role of Ethel Mertz,

the lovely and talented Vivian Vance.

Vivian Vance, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you, doll.

Playing Fred Mertz, Mr. William Frawley.

Bill Frawley, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you, Bill.

And finally, the vice president of Desilu Studios,

I am the President,

the mother of my children and my favorite redhead,

playing Lucy Ricardo, my wife, Lucille Ball.

Thank you. Oh!

Thank you all so much.

Uncle George, can't we slow down a little?

Two cheese, one double mayo, onions both.

What's the matter, Lucille, can't keep the pace?

Only if I ate half of them myself.

You got to put some meat on those bones. Here.

Uh, why don't you take a break?

Oh, good. Thanks, Uncle George.

Oh, Johnny.

Johnny, you devil.

Johnny, stop.

You girls all right down there?

Boiled and mashed like a couple of potatoes.

I know how we can cool those spuds off.

Johnny!

I know a better way.

Just because I work and can't watch you every minute

doesn't mean you can run wild.

Are you so starved for attention that you have to

ride naked through town on some boy's fender?

I wasn't naked and it wasn't...

If you want to be an actress or a singer,

that's fine by me. I'm all for it.

But no daughter of mine is going to be a stripper.

Please, Officer, I've never been arrested before,

I'm so confused.

So you're saying if I tell you what I know about Marcy and Joe,

I could just go home?

That's right.

And you'll forget about all of this?

It never happened.

Now what do you say?

I'd say...

Nuts to you, copper.

What kind of a rat do you think I am?

I'll do ten years before I turn on Joe.

"Ms. Ball gave one of the most impressive portrayals of the evening.

"She played the part..."

Hey, Frank Buck, impressive actresses

are trying to read their reviews up here.

Hey, sis, look at my birthday present.

Daddy Fred, is it okay if Joanna takes a shot?

Yes, if she's careful.

Go on.

"She played the part of the experienced underworld girl

"with much greater realism..."

Uh, can you hear me, son?

Uh, uh, Denny?

What happened?

They took it all.

What do you mean?

What does he mean?

The boy is permanently crippled.

His parents' lawsuit has taken every dime we have,

and the court has declared us bankrupt.

But that's not fair, it was an accident.

Eddie was there.

They hold him responsible.

Why can't we fight back?

Is it always gonna be like this?

Just when things are going good,

something comes along and ruins everything?

It's not fair.

All right, let's get this audition started.

Get in line.

Five, six, seven, eight. One, two, three...

Ms. Ball, Ms. Ball, catch up please, you're behind.

Ms. Ball, you're behind, Ms. Ball.

Kick when they kick, Ms. Ball.

Ms. Ball...

Catch up, catch up, Ms. Ball.

All right, all right, all right.

...three, four, five...

I'm sorry, Ms. Ball, you won't do.

Right here, ladies. Newspaper.

Well, Ms. Ball, you're tall enough

and you've got good legs.

If we change the hair and makeup,

you might just make a Carnegie model.

What the hell? Houdini couldn't get out of this thing.

Of course if Houdini wanted to help me get out of it,

that would be something else again.

Don't you know this is what your maid gets paid to do?

Remind me to fire her.

I've got a live one Friday night.

It's better than a dead one.

He's got a friend.

How ugly?

I hear he looks a little like Houdini.

They feeding us? Mmm-hmm.

You sure don't eat like a model.

We're all jealous of Lucille.

She can eat and eat and stay bone thin.

I wouldn't say "bone thin," I like her look.

You, darling, can keep talking about me, the rest of you shut up.

You girls ever done outdoor ads?

No.

I'm not sure I want my figure on the roof of a taxi cab.

Honey, it's been on the floor of a taxi, why not the roof?

That's a horrible thing to say!

Oh.

It was a limousine.

I only mentioned it because our agency just landed the Chesterfield account.

We'll be picking the Chesterfield girl from now on.

Oh, really?

Excuse me, aren't you the cigarette girl?

That's right, Lucille Ball.

That poster of you is great. Thank you.

I'm Sylvia Hallow. I'm an agent.

I'm sorry, I haven't heard of you.

Well, have you heard of Sam Goldwyn?

Can you believe it? They had 12 girls picked already,

but one of them's mama said she couldn't go.

You're gonna be a Goldwyn girl. That's amazing!

What do they pay?

About three times as much as I'm making here.

Of course, it's only for six weeks.

You know what they say about Hollywood.

It's a million-to-one shot.

Then why are you going?

I like the odds.

All right, girls, line up by number.

One, two, three and so on.

Now first, you'll meet Eddie Canter,

who's directing and starring in Roman Scandals,

and then the press.

Eddie Canter?

Miss... Ball, Lucille Ball.

I think you've contracted something.

Uh, no, sir, not yet.

A contract is what I hope you'll give me.

You two girls up next to the column up here, please.

Thank you.

One on the step, next to the column,

and on the bench, please, dear.

You cross over here for your entrance.

Okay, this is the scene,

I bend down just as he decides to sling the mud.

Where is that, uh, girl? You know, what's her name?

You are just going to love it here.

Wait till you see the house.

Is this your car, Lucy Ball?

It belongs to a friend.

He let me borrow it to pick you up in style.

Boyfriend?

I don't date boys anymore, Mama.

This is it.

Real orange trees in the backyard

and not a snow shovel in sight.

Well?

What do you think?

This must be costing you an awful lot.

I'll start looking for a job tomorrow.

Mama,

your working days are over.

Well, let's go take a look at this Taj Mahal.

This is a real thing, Freddy.

A real home.

Ever and ever?

Ever and ever.

I'm not depending on anybody else anymore.

I'm gonna make this work.

This family is gonna walk in the front door fat and sassy

and sit at table number one.

I lay claim to this town.

It's mine.

They just don't know it yet.

Quiet please. And action!

Cut!

Ms. Ball? Yes?

I'm Ed Sedgwick.

I've watched you working today and I just wanted to say

you've got a natural talent, I can see that.

You may need a little tutoring.

Please, call me.

I know quite a bit about it.

Yeah, okay.

Ladies.

Tutoring?

Is that what they're calling it these days?

I guess so.

How many dirty old men can there be?

Are you kidding? They got their own union.

I don't see why you have to go to all that expense.

I don't want you to be my maid.

But having a servant in the house makes me uncomfortable.

I'm working long hours

to wrangle this family into luxury,

you'll just have to grin and bear it.

And I don't want any ruling class, serving class

clap trap out of you.

No, Your Highness.

My mother was a maid for Mr. Jack Benny's wife.

She taught me most of what I need to know.

Is this what you wanted to do, Harriet,

be a maid?

No.

I was a dancer for years.

I worked all those clubs up on Central.

But it's...

Well, nobody's making the All Negro Review of 1939.

No, I guess not.

But I know the life, Ms. Ball.

I know makeup and hair

and there's not a stage-door Johnny I can't handle.

I believe that.

I'd like you to start tomorrow.

I've got the day off,

but on Wednesday I have a big fight scene with Maureen O'Hara.

Ooh, boy!

I'd pay to watch that.

You know, Harriet, that's not a bad idea.

Boy, they're good sports, I tell you.

You look like a $2 whore with a mean pimp.

How much did we make...

Who is that?

I don't know.

Well, go find out.

That man's too good-looking to ignore.

He's too good-looking to be anything but trouble.

Of course I looked at you.

You did not.

You walked right by, nose in the air,

like some damn aristocrat.

I am an aristocrat. Oh.

And I prove you wrong.

You had on a green dress,

your hair was a mess, and you had a black eye.

That's one, hmm?

Oh, Daisy, you were looking.

No. That's Desi.

You just don't understand Latin men.

We see more in one hot, little glance

than most men see in a lifetime.

What did you see?

Somethin' I wanted.

Excuse me, Mr. Arnaz,

the manager wanted to know if he could send something

over to your table with his compliments?

Tell him yes. Thank you very much.

They never send me anything.

Being the latest sex symbol has its advantages.

Oh, no, no, no, it's terrible.

All these girls all the time, following me,

sending their maids to find out my name.

Daisy. Desi.

Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y De Acha III.

The third?

Yeah, I told you I'm an aristocrat.

My father was Mayor of Santiago.

That's a major city in Cuba.

You're serious?

We're an old proud family.

I had horses, boats, cars,

everything, until I was 16.

Then what happened?

Then the rebels came.

Yeah, we got out just in time

with nothing but a Chihuahua dog.

"Mi casa, mi casa."

That's all my mother could say.

And she still says it sometimes in her sleep.

You're still close to your mother?

Yeah.

So am I.

Not so different then.

Please, Mr. Arnaz.

Oh. Hold this, please.

Rings get in the way.

That's Desi Arnaz.

♪ Babalu

♪ Babalu

♪ Babalu aye

♪ Babalu aye ♪

I see that look in your eye.

What look?

That "riding on the fender through town" look.

You're hooked on this boy.

It's just a date. He's at RKO, I'm at RKO.

It's a Hollywood thing.

Hmm, even I don't believe that.

He's so young.

Men aren't serious about anything at age 23.

So who wants serious?

You do,

deep down, and you know it.

I just don't want you to make the same foolish mistakes that I did.

I have some bad news.

You found somebody else?

No. No, I haven't.

Why would you say such a thing?

I'm sorry.

I'm just such a pessimist when it comes to happiness.

It never seems to last.

Oh, Lucy, please, I just...

What did you call me?

Lucy. Is that all right?

No one calls me that.

Except my Grandpa Fred sometimes calls me Lucy Ball.

I like it.

You call me Lucy.

Lucy,

my agent has booked me into a New York nightclub.

I'll be gone for the next three months.

Three months? That's a lifetime.

I'll write to you every day.

I promise.

You better.

You didn't really think he would?

Write every day?

I'm going to call him.

Oh, no, you're not.

Is this Desi Arnaz's room?

Yes, who's this?

Lucille Ball.

Lucille Ball.

Lucy? Who was that?

Uh, I don't know her name.

You don't know her name?

She's auditioning.

We're adding some dancers to the show.

What's your name, honey? Bettina.

Uh, Bettina.

You're screwing her.

I am not. I'm dancing with her.

Listen, I don't know what actresses have to do to get jobs,

but dancers have to dance.

That's a mean thing to say.

You started it.

I did.

And I'm sorry.

I miss you so awful.

I'm not so easy to forget, huh?

This is driving me crazy.

We have to talk.

We are talking.

That's not what I mean.

All right, girls.

And one, two, three and four,

one, two, three and four, good.

Good.

Lucy?

Lucy, what are you doing here?

Lucy.

Hiya, Daffy.

Oh! Oh, Lucy,

uh, this is Bettina.

Hi.

I'm sorry, honey.

You're always gonna have girls throwing themselves at you.

I hope so.

But seriously, honey, jealousy is a hungry emotion,

it will eat you alive.

I got bites all over.

You know what they're saying about us in Hollywood?

Hmm?

That we're a ridiculous couple.

We are.

That it's amazing that we've lasted this long.

Two months, it's a miracle.

That it will burn out in a month or two.

Most likely.

Here.

I've got it. You owe me then. Want that property.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Ms. Ball.

What?

Well, who did we marry?

Marry?

You didn't really?

Oh, baby.

Well, forget what I said before.

I'm so happy for you.

This is Walter Winchell

back from commercial with the showbiz news.

RKO contract players Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

have gotten themselves married overnight in a romantic whirl.

Good luck to them both.

Right there, I'm gonna build a barbecue, Cuban style.

Big enough for a whole roast pig.

Mmm-hmm. Ah, Clark,

may I please introduce you to my mother, Lolita De Acha.

Mother, this is Clark Gable.

I'm most honored, ma'am. I, too.

Excuse me, I have to go look after the spaghetti sauce.

I hear Desi's quite a cook.

Did he learn that from you, Mrs. Arnaz?

Oh, no, no, no, not from me.

No, I did no cooking at home when Desiderio was young,

we had cooks. I see.

It's been cooking for six hours.

It's ready.

Not yet.

You're gonna burn the bottom right out of that pot.

Go on, Lucille, tell the story.

Well,

my agent calls Selznick and gets me an audition.

So I'm driving over there in my convertible, top down,

Scarlett off to Twelve Oaks.

When all of a sudden, two blocks from the studio,

out of the clear blue sky,

a big rain drop hits me splat, right between the eyes,

and it starts to pour.

So I arrive at Selznick's office

looking like a drowned cat.

Luckily, his secretary takes pity on me.

She sits me down by his fireplace to dry off

with a big glass of brandy.

So I'm kneeling there and drying out

and drinking the brandy and reading the script

and drinking the brandy.

And then all of a sudden there he is,

Mr. Selznak...nick.

I'm the one, I'm your Scarlett,

and I start, "Why Ashley Wilkes,

"I do declare.

"Is there anyone more dashing and exciting?

"Fiddle-dee-dee to Melanie, fiddle-dee-dee."

He's just staring at me in total disbelief,

and finally, he says,

"Ms. Ball, why don't we try it with you standing up?"

With all that brandy I forgot to get up.

Well, a lot of girls auditioned for Scarlett on their knees.

I was one of them.

Hey, everybody,

the Cuban spaghetti is finally ready.

Hey, there's a song in here.

♪ The Cuban spaghetti is finally ready ♪

Thank God, I'm starving.

I told you.

Harriet, when's the last time you vacuumed this carpet?

This afternoon, Mrs. Lombard.

Clean enough for show folk.

What's she gonna do? Carole!

Oh, my God. Oh, Carole, no, you're not.

That's the secret. That's the secret to the Cuban spaghetti.

Well, next time when I...

So, Mima,

you talked to Mr. Gable for quite a while.

He's a fine gentleman,

very knowledgeable in the world.

And what did you think of Lucy's mom?

And her Grandpa Fred. Isn't he a riot?

They are good people, I--I don't worry about them.

Mama, who do you worry about?

Lucy?

She doesn't have much elegance, does she, Desiderio?

And not much class.

Desi, I'm bored sitting here by myself.

Lucy, I have to be out there in circulation.

I don't have a big, fat contract at RKO like I used to,

like some people still do.

Ms. Ball's car, right away.

That's my car, amigo.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Ball.

That's who I am now, Mr. Ball.

He was just a kid.

Ah, you love it when this kind of thing happens.

I do not.

I'm not Mr. Ball, I will not be Mr. Ball.

Oh, grow up.

Hell, if the kid had called you Mr. Balls,

you'd have given him a twenty-buck tip.

You've got a big mouth on you.

You're just now finding that out?

From Hollywood,

America is at war

and Hollywood is a big part of the home front.

Some stars are campaigning to sell vital war bonds,

others are taking off fancy film costumes

to put on plain army green.

Good luck to them.

Where they are going, there are no stunt doubles

to do the dangerous work.

Nice move.

There's no point in waiting for him,

he's not coming home.

How can you be so sure?

Last night he was out with that new blonde at Universal.

Night before he was at the Grove, drunk,

banging the drum and some brunette.

Honey, how do you know all this?

People talk.

They're happy to tell me.

There's a conga line of guys who want in my pants.

But you wouldn't.

Who says I wouldn't?

I know you.

You want this marriage to work.

You start cheating too, it just shows you lost hope.

Hope.

We have to move.

Move?

Bums and drunks have figured out where we live.

I had to throw one a bottle last night to keep him quiet.

Here it is, not a drop gone.

Am I supposed to be impressed by your will power?

No.

I don't like this brand.

Just like sex, eh?

You turn your nose up at the house brand.

I like the house brand.

It's my favorite.

Yeah, but who eats just chocolate

when there's peppermint and tutti frutti.

Lots of people.

Married men, have you heard of them?

They make a vow to stay with chocolate

and they damn well stay with chocolate.

If you think most married men...

No, you're not turning this into some Life magazine poll.

This is about you screwing around on me

and it's going to stop.

And I'm gonna stop?

Who do you think you married, huh?

Lucy Ball from upstate, nowhere?

I'm a man.

My father had a mistress

who had her own house and kids by him.

A wife, a mistress and more.

That's your excuse?

Because your daddy did it long ago on some spic island?

Lucy... I'll tell you why you do it.

It's because you're not in the movies anymore,

because you're back to banging the drum for a living,

'cause some kid called you Mr. Ball,

'cause it makes you feel like a big Cuban man

if you can poke something strange.

This is the way I am.

I work hard, I play hard,

I drink hard,

and I love hard.

And I know you like that.

I can't remember.

Lucy.

Lucy, please come back.

♪ Good night, sweet dreams

♪ Tomorrow's another day

♪ Till then

♪ Sweet dreams, sweetheart

♪ Good night, sleep tight

♪ I'll see you along the way

♪ In dreams

♪ Sweet dreams, sweetheart

♪ May angels up above

♪ Watch over you

♪ And keep you safe, my love

♪ Until the dawn breaks through

♪ Good night, sweet dreams

♪ Tomorrow's another day

♪ Good night, sweet dreams

♪ Sweetheart ♪

All these years I wasted on sexy hips

and banging the drum,

when all it takes is a uniform.

Promise me you'll stay safe.

The Army's sending me out to conduct bands.

Where I'm going,

all the Japanese are locked up,

and all the Germans are cameramen.

On the other hand,

a trombone can poke out an eye.

Everyone, say hello to Lucille Ball.

Hello, Lucille. Hi.

You're one of the MGM family now, Lucille.

We're living at the dawn of the Technicolor age, Lucille.

And we're gonna make you the brightest star in it.

Are we gonna make me beautiful or cut me up for steaks?

Do the best you can. This is the girl's last shot.

I'll try.

Lucille, Red Skelton.

Red, what a thrill to be working with you.

I've got so much to learn.

Well, let's get started.

Oh, boy.

Careful.

This is gonna be fun.

Try a few bounces.

Hey, I'm pretty good at this, huh?

Turn around.

Okay, I'm the cat, you're the mouse. Here we go.

Whoa.

Pretty good. I bet I can do it, too.

I guess MGM will be reporting a profit this year.

What?

Oh, I get it,

'cause they dumped all the red ink on me.

Dede says you're not feeling too good.

Oh, I'm fine, she worries too much.

So do you, Lucy Ball.

I've got reasons,

believe me I've got reasons.

You talking about Cuban Pete?

He hasn't been home for weeks.

Well, he's in the Army.

Are you defending him, Daddy?

Not at all. I hate the way he treats you.

It's-- It's just that...

It's okay.

It's not the Army.

His unit hardly ever leaves California.

He was in Riverside last week, one hour's drive

and he never bothered to come home.

He sends these long, apologetic telegrams

and says how much he loves me,

but he just can't leave the girls alone.

Says it's part of his Cuban soul

and he's never gonna change.

I thought this was something special, Daddy,

one of those destiny things,

two people who just had to be together.

Maybe if I'd had a baby, we'd be a family.

But we haven't and I can't hold on to him.

I'm so unhappy.

I've got to do something or go crazy.

Let me share an attorney's view of your situation.

You'll have to testify

but you should have no difficulty

demonstrating his infidelity.

No difficulty.

And you're living apart now, that's good.

This will enable us

to get you a provisional decree of divorce.

Once he signs it, it will be permanent.

But there are things you must not do

that will invalidate the decree.

You cannot be in business together

or buy anything together.

That's not a problem.

And you cannot sleep with him.

Forgive me?

♪ In conclusion, bear in memory

♪ Keep the password in your mind

♪ God provides for every worker

♪ When in union they combine

♪ Stand like men and lean together

♪ Victory will for you prevail

♪ Keep your hand upon the dollar

♪ And your eye upon the scale

♪ Union workers stand together

♪ Do not heed the operator's tale

Lucy?

♪ Keep your hand upon the dollar

♪ And your eye upon the scale ♪

I'm so sorry, baby.

I always liked the old man.

My father was a stuffed shirt,

but Fred was the real thing.

Everybody else died or ran away, but not him.

He was my father.

What can I do for you?

Tell me why I'm like this.

You feel sad because somebody you love has died.

It's more than that.

I felt this way when Grandma Hunt died, and Aunt Lola died,

so hopeless and dark,

like the earth just opens up and I fall into my own grave.

That's how I feel.

It doesn't go away.

I have it with me every day.

No, not every day.

Every day, I feel this doom.

I do a good job of hiding it,

but this is the real me underneath.

Lost.

No, you are not lost when I'm with you.

When you're with me? When's that?

Desi,

I want so much to have children.

It's something I dream about.

Something I never had.

A real family.

Oh, Lucy, I want the same things.

Oh, I've missed this.

Okay, let's hear it.

What?

You're wearing your "agent with bad news" face.

I can guess, since Metro cut me loose,

nobody else wants me.

No that's not right, Lucille,

there's a part I've got you up for at Columbia with Red.

Don, my shot at being a major star is over.

You know, I don't care.

The more I have to choose, the more I choose this.

Home.

I can be an also-ran if I have this to run home to,

and Desi.

I think he really wants to make this marriage work,

except he's gone so much.

If Desi and I could do something together...

How about TV?

That would put the last nail in my coffin.

Any movie actor who does TV is blackballed.

Hey, the studios are gonna have to wake up about TV.

It's coming, it's gonna be huge

and nobody can stop it.

What?

Keep a secret? Of course.

I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant.

Lucille, that's wonderful.

It's coming, it's gonna be huge,

and nobody can stop it.

Red, where are we going?

We call it the Burroughs Nest,

it's where we go to hide from studio brats.

Lucille Ball, say hello to Buster Keaton.

Wow, what a pleasure, Mr. Keaton.

Nice to meet you, Lucille.

I used to watch your movies back when I was a kid.

Ah, that was when I was a whole lot thinner.

And you've met Ed Sedgwick.

Just once.

You were wrestling a giant squid.

You probably thought I was coming on to you.

I'm sorry, I think I did.

Let me turn this thing off.

What is that?

Well, the writers had the Sound Department make these records

so it sounds like they're all in their offices working hard.

But in reality, they're all down at Boardner's drinking hard.

So, Lucille,

MGM let you go?

Yes.

I've got a new agent now, Don Sharpe.

I know Don. Very forward-looking.

He's got me set up to do a radio show.

A kind of newly-wed comedy.

It'll keep the wolf from the door,

but I'm gonna miss the big screen and the studio.

Wrong.

Getting fired from MGM,

best thing that could have happened to you.

Louis B. Meyer never understood.

Understood what?

Us. Red, me, you.

Clowns.

Buster is just amazing.

The first thing he says is you have to decide

that you're a clown and devote yourself to it.

I'm not so sure I'd say you were a clown.

You know, I think I am.

All my life I never understood

what the director meant half the time.

I always thought it was me just not being smart enough,

but Red says he's the same way.

Until he can get in front of a mirror all by himself,

he doesn't have any idea what he's gonna do.

Don Sharpe called again, you know?

I don't have a problem with TV, Lucy.

I think it could be a good new direction, for me, anyway.

Working behind the scenes a little more...

I don't know.

Okay, let me put it to you another way.

I need this, for me.

I'm not a conga-banging kid anymore.

You still look good to me.

I know I can produce a show like this.

I just need a chance.

You can give us a chance.

All right, let's do it.

Desi, I'd like you to meet Bob Carroll Jr. and Madelyn Pugh.

They are the best two writers on the radio show.

It's a pleasure. Please, have a seat,

make yourselves comfortable.

So, uh, why don't you tell us what kind of show you see?

Well, really, a radio show is a good model.

A married couple, we love each other,

we have fights but we always make up.

Fight about what?

Well, what do you two fight about?

Status.

You mean like if Lucille was a star

and Desi wanted to be?

Yes.

No, better the other way,

he's the star

and I'm always messing things up.

Lucy?

You--You guys keep talking, I'm-- I'm-- I'm just going to go lie down.

Are you okay? Oh, yeah.

Okay.

So, what kind of star?

How about a bandleader, like Desi?

No, no, I don't know.

Yes, yes,

you being bandleader is perfect.

It brings music into the show,

and it's glamour and night clubs and...

Desi. Desi, I need you.

I like the script, Don, it's excellent.

Wit and slapstick nicely blended.

How's Lucille feeling?

She's fine, a little gloomy after the miscarriage,

but she's bouncing back.

So when do we start?

Well, I'll be honest with you, Don,

I personally have no problem with Arnaz,

but the network's position is that he's,

well, he's just too ethnic.

They're all asking why would an all-American girl like Lucille Ball

marry such a guy,

except for sex, which we can't talk about.

Well, it's not just sex, Hub, they are really in love.

If you could see them at home around the pool,

they are just your average husband and wife.

Husbands on this network don't wear frilly sleeves,

shake their hips and bang a jungle drum.

I'll make a note, no frilly sleeves.

But seriously, Hub, don't say no yet,

let me convince you. Huh?

No. No, Lucille,

you're playing the part of the audience.

I'm doing what?

Well, the audience knows it's awful,

but to the clown,

this is the most beautiful music she has ever made.

In a nutshell, CBS doesn't think the marriage works.

Don, tell the truth,

it's because I'm Cuban.

But if we can demonstrate that this show is irresistibly funny...

Funny trumps everything.

It's the 11th commandment.

Bob, Madelyn,

think you could work up a few routines for Lucille and Desi

that would work on stage and would work on TV, too?

Of course.

Friends, we're gonna bring back vaudeville.

Stop the music. Stop!

Have you seen a fellow named Desi Arnaz? Huh?

Have you seen a fellow named Desi...

Excuse me?

I'm Desi Arnaz, what can I do for you?

Oh, I want to be in a band.

Oh, you're a musician.

I am?

Oh, I am, I am, yeah.

First of all, you'll have to show me your credentials.

Do you have any experience?

Listen, professor, tell me something,

do you play that thing?

How is that?

I said, do you play that thing?

What thin?

Never mind making fun of my English.

That's English?

Do you play that instrument? Where?

There. Oh!

Well...

Yeah.

I tell you what we do, we give you an audition.

No. Now? Sure.

Right now. Oh, my!

You play something we'll listen to you. Oh.

Help me out here, will you? Sure I'll help you.

Here you are.

Gracias. Ah, graciasto you too.

Okay, professor, we'll take it off of you

on the downbeat, whenever you're ready.

Honey, there's a little snag in the negotiations.

CBS is insisting we do the show from New York.

Why? Everybody lives out here.

It's about broadcast quality.

They want the show to go live in the East not on Kinescope.

I don't wanna leave our home,

after we've worked so hard on it.

That's what I told them.

Okay, I'll fix it.

Don tells me you're becoming a real savvy bargainer.

I'm proud of you, Daffy.

Dizzy.

Kisses, bye.

So how's our girl?

She's good, and, uh, she doesn't wanna move.

So, Hub,

what if I said screw the Kinescope,

suppose I can deliver

broadcast quality film to you on time every week?

How you going to do that?

We shoot directly on film.

Cut film, ship film,

East, West see the same things

on the same night, same quality.

It takes a movie crew three times longer

to film a scene, that's just a fact of life.

So?

We'll use three cameras at once.

I'll shoot master, close-up

and whatever, all at the same time.

It's never been done.

Um, some quiz shows have tried it.

Not on film and never for anything

that requires comedic timing.

And I wanna shoot it with a live audience.

Where are you gonna find a sound stage

with space enough for an audience?

I don't know, we'll build it if we have to.

One thing I learned from the vaudeville act,

Lucy needs real people to play to.

Do you know what you're doing?

About half the time.

Oh, good.

CBS uses TV crews, not movie crews,

you'll have union problems,

and no matter how you slice it,

it's gonna cost more.

We'll make up the difference,

our company will, Desilu will.

The only way this will work

is if Desilu actually produces the shows.

Okay. Desi?

But that means Desilu gets to keep the negatives.

We own them.

Sure.

You want a whole bunch of film and all that storage cost,

you can have it.

Well, I was just witness to something.

It was either genius or suicide.

Well, we're still breathing, aren't we?

You're gonna need a producer.

Lucy and I... Are gonna be too busy,

I'm going to get you a top guy.

What about the neighbors, Fred and Ethel?

We should make them a little older,

and maybe be the Ricardos' landlord.

So what do you think, Jess?

Yes, that's good.

The Mertzs, they still love each other,

but they're not lovey-dovey anymore.

And-- And Fred...

Well, maybe Fred used to be in show business.

So he and Ricky have more in common.

It works.

Desi, they told me you had a few ideas about casting?

Yeah, there's an actress in a play in San Diego,

people say we should look at.

Vivian Vance.

I don't know her.

And there's a character actor I like for Fred,

Bill Frawley.

Isn't he a little old?

Isn't he a little, uh...

That's one of the things I'm gonna find out.

Excuse me a minute, I need to check on Lucy.

We're so overdue it makes me nervous.

Hey, Cuban Pete,

here's your daughter.

Look at her.

Look at her.

She's all right.

Are you all right? Hmm.

Hi, there.

I'm Daddy.

Who are you?

Everybody's fine. Oh!

The baby is so beautiful,

you can't imagine!

I love this baby,

and I love Lucy.

Good morning, how are you both?

Fine, thanks.

Jess. Lucille.

I'd like to introduce Vivian Vance, who'll be playing Ethel.

You know Bill Frawley, playing her husband, Fred.

Ms. Ball, it's an honor to meet you

and an absolute thrill to be working with you.

You're pretty, you're too damn pretty,

I thought Ethel was supposed to be dumpy.

Don't worry, I photograph dumpy,

and that's the first time you ever heard an actress admit that.

I don't know what the problem is,

she looks plenty dumpy to me.

And you look old enough to be my grandfather,

instead of my husband.

Good. Well, I see we're settling into character already.

Of course you all know our director, Marc Daniels.

Hi.

You want to take them for a test drive, Marc?

Well, let me just put my crash helmet on.

Shall we?

"Lucy is standing stirring the pot

"while reading the book.

"Ethel enters, but Lucy does not hear her.

"Ethel places a hand on Lucy's shoulder,

"Lucy screams." Eek!

Gosh, did I scare you?

Oh, no, I was getting ready to scream

and throw the book out the window. Anyway.

I'm sorry, I just wanted to borrow...

Okay, just--just--just hold it, just a moment.

Lucille, I think that book-throwing line

wants a little more twist, you know?

Okay.

Okay, let's try it again.

Uh, listen, Marc, I know what you mean,

I know what you want,

but it's good to talk about this now, first day,

because I've never been good in rehearsal.

It used to bother the hell out of me, but in recent years

I've found that a lot of comedians

aren't good in rehearsal

because we have to figure this stuff out on our own.

Well, that's just fine, Lucille,

but it has to be there before we shoot.

Don't worry, it will be.

And as her husband Fred, Bill Frawley,

William Frawley, ladies and gentlemen,

Fred Mertz.

Thank you, old man.

And in the role of Lucy Ricardo,

my wife,

the mother of my child,

the wonderful Lucille Ball.

Thank you, sweetie.

Hi, Mama.

Good morning.

I had the most exciting time last night.

I learned how...

What's that you're reading?

Lucy?

Gosh, did I scare you?

Oh, no, I was getting ready to scream

and throw the book out the window anyway.

Baby, we threw the dice,

we win big, or we crap out.

Two hundred people liked it.

All we need is a few million more.

Oh, honey,

no, I haven't put it in the oven yet,

I'm just stuffing it.

Uh... Well, it's only 2:00. It won't take that long...

6:00?

Hello, friends.

Hello, friends.

Hello... Hello, friends.

Hello, friends.

Hello, friends,

I'm your Vitameatavegamin Girl.

Do you poop out at parties?

Do you poop...

Do you poop out at parties?

Do you poop out at parties?

Are you unpopular?

The answer to all your problems

is in this little bottle.

Is in this bittle lottle.

All you do is take a big tablespoon full after every meal.

It's so tasty, too!

So tasty, too!

Tasty, too!

Tastes just like candy.

It's just like candy!

That's Vitameatavegamin.

I sure hope this bread turns out,

it took all morning,

I had to go to three or four shops to get enough yeast.

Why? How much did you need?

13 cakes.

13 cakes? Mmm-hmm.

That seems like an awful lot.

Oh, here's the recipe right here.

Let me see.

Lucy. What?

Three cakes.

Oh, really?

Oh, well, they're small, it won't make much difference.

I guess you're right.

Hey, you smell bread? Maybe it's done.

How did this oven door get open?

Help! Help! Help!

Watch out for my legs! Watch out for my legs!

Talk about an overnight sensation,

there's a new sweetheart in America

and her name is Lucy Ricardo.

The whole nation now comes to a halt on Monday nights

to watch the new hit on CBS.

Stores close early

and the cops tell us that the crime rate drops off

during the redhead's half hour of inspired hilarity.

Even the bad guys are saying, "I Love Lucy."

Okay, down to the business of eating chocolate.

Ooh, this looks great. Yeah.

Good job, guys. All right.

10:30 in the morning, Lucille? Yeah, it's 10:30.

Start the belt, guys, start the belt.

You ready? Yeah, I'm ready.

Okay, we're ready. All right.

Nice and neat.

Now the object of the game. Yep?

We can't let any of them go past us or we're fired.

All right. Speed it up, guys.

Speed it up? We can do it.

There we go.

Can't let any get by. Don't let any get by.

Uh-oh.

Put it in your hat.

No, Madelyn, that's not what I'm saying.

It's...

It's the same spin we've used how many times before.

Lucy wants to get into showbiz,

we've got to try and complicate things a bit.

Guys, can we talk to you a minute?

Believe it or not, I'm pregnant.

In the middle of next season I'll be as big as Jackie Gleason.

Well, that's-- that's great news.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Well, I--I know this screws things up for us a little bit.

Why should it screw things up?

Well, Jess, the network won't even let us sleep in the same bed.

Screw the network, this is great.

This is real life,

this is exactly what I was looking for.

We're gonna have this baby on the air.

On the air?

Tastefully.

Tastefully?

What the hell does that mean?

She'll wear appropriate clothes,

hardly any symptoms,

cravings for funny food only.

Oh, for God's sake, Jess, they're going to explode upstairs.

They were nervous about her even being married to the guy.

Now the implication here...

It's not an implication, Hub, it's a child,

a little human being.

They already have one in reality.

This is not reality,

this is television.

Listen to this. "Dear Mr. Ricardo,

"my husband and I are going to have a blessed event,

"I just found out about it today and I haven't told him yet.

"I heard you sing a number called,

"We're Having a Baby, My Baby and Me.

"If you would sing it for us now,

"it will be my way of breaking the news to him."

Oh, isn't that wonderful!

Of course I'll do it for you, sure.

Uh...

Wait a minute, I've got a wonderful idea.

Why don't we bring the couple up here

and I'll sing it right to them, huh?

Come on, let's bring them up on the floor.

Come on folks, who is it?

♪ Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop

No?

♪ When the wind blows, the cradle will rock

No?

♪ When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall

♪ And down will come baby

♪ Cradle and all

♪ Rock-a-bye baby, on the...

Oh, hi, honey.

♪ ...on the treetop

♪ When the wind blows, the cradle will fall

♪ When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall ♪

Honey. Honey?

Honey, no. Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

You didn't give me a chance.

Are you kidding? No.

It's me!

I'm gonna be a father, how about that?

I want you to meet my mother.

I mean my wife, my wife.

Sing the baby song.

What?

Sing the baby song.

♪ We're having a baby

♪ My baby and me

♪ You'll read it in Winchell

♪ That we're adding a limb to our family tree

♪ While pushing that carriage

♪ How proud I will be

♪ We're having a baby

♪ My baby and me ♪

Oh, Ethel, I just know Ricky won't like it.

Well, he may not like it at first,

but he'll get used to it.

You just got to get up the courage

to tell him you really want to do this.

Okay.

Ricky?

Go on.

Ricky, there's something I wanna ask you.

Ricky?

Ricky, are you listening to me?

Oh, hell, he's passed out.

Okay, take ten while we throw some water over the head of the studio.

Did you hear what Marc said?

Desi's starting to lose the respect of the whole crew.

Lucille, listen.

What, Viv?

I've been wanting to tell you this for a couple of weeks now,

but...

And this isn't the right time, either.

But Paul and I were in Palm Springs a few weeks ago,

and Desi was there.

I know.

He bought a house down there.

We didn't see him at the house.

He was in the casino.

He was roaring drunk and gambling.

Gambling like a fool, Paul said.

I don't know much about it,

but Paul plays a little and he said...

How much did he lose?

I don't know, but it had to be thousands.

Thousands?

What the hell is going on with him?

Why is he so determined to ruin himself?

I don't know.

I don't understand him anymore.

No, I'm a pooped.

No.

Isn't that something?

Now, I heard you're looking at a house in town.

Mr. Jack Benny's, right?

That's right.

I'm just thinking back to when my wife and I bought our place.

How hard it was to scrape that down payment together

and then not lose it.

What do you mean?

I was a pretty big gambler back then, way out of control.

Thought about taking that nest egg money to Vegas day and night.

Almost did, more than once,

the seduction was so strong.

But it wasn't too strong, you beat it.

Oh, I beat it, ultimately,

because I wanted other things more.

I see.

Now I get it.

This is what the night was all about, hmm?

Bring big daddy over to talk to the lost little Cuban,

save him from his gambling. Hmm?

Save him from himself.

But what do you mean, Ed, what do you mean?

Don't be such a damn idiot.

You don't talk to me that way, all right?

You treat me like one of those--those children.

You don't! Oh!

You son of a bitch!

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz's studio, Desilu, is on a run,

adding Make Room For Daddy,

and Our Miss Brooks to a stable of shows.

Lucy and Desi have lived on a ranch

in the San Fernando Valley for years,

but now it's a Beverly Hills address for them and their two kids.

Good luck to America's favorite couple.

If the reports of a wandering Desi are true,

they're going to need it.

That goes right over there for the time being,

the lamp beside it.

Mom, it's so big. I love my room!

Oh, I'm glad, honey.

Desi, do you like your room? Mmm-hmm.

Oh, I'm so glad, honey.

Come on.

Well, this is some pile of bricks.

Even Senora Lolita will be impressed.

There's one thing I do know how to do, make a home.

You didn't learn that from me.

You're hoping this will settle him down, aren't you?

Oh, Harriet, good, there's some...

What is it?

The answer is yes.

I do love you.

Now I have to read about it in the papers?

"Spent 20 minutes with a prostitute

"then gave her away to a male relative."

Who was that, my brother, Freddy?

"A real man should have as many girls

"as he has hair on his head."

That's supposed to be a direct quote.

Now who would say such a stupid thing?

It's all made up, Lucy, to sell papers.

Now to them I'm just a target.

You make yourself a very easy target.

Sunday morning at our new house,

I'm having a neighborhood housewarming party.

I want you there.

I'll carry you across the threshold.

Desi. How are you?

Ah, excuse me, got a wife coming through.

Oh. What the...

What the hell is this?

I don't know, a pipe must have burst.

A pipe? I--I thought...

Do you-- Do you know how much these things cost?

D-Do you know what kind of debt we're in?

It's our home!

It's our home!

It's our home!

You know Mommy and Daddy are not getting along,

and we don't want to make you unhappy along with us.

Does that mean you're getting a divorce?

What does that mean to you, the word "divorce"?

It's when all the kids cry

and wish things were back the old way.

That's right,

because it's very sad

when a Mommy and Daddy can't live together anymore.

But you can, Daddy. Can't you take it all back?

Oh, honey, I wish we could,

but we can't.

Let me share an attorney's view of your situation.

It won't be as simple this time.

Now you jointly own the most successful TV studio in town.

Simple or not, it has to be done.

This marriage can't go on.

Mr. Arnaz?

Yes, I agree.

Wow, good seats, are we lucky or what?

The last Lucy Show, and we got in.

And finally, the vice president of Desilu Studios,

I am the President.

The mother of my children and my favorite redhead,

playing Lucy Ricardo, my wife, Lucille Ball.

Thank you.

Oh. Thank you all so much.

And our special guest stars,

Ernie Kovacs and Edie Adams.

♪ I can only give you love

♪ That lasts forever

♪ And the promise to be near

♪ Each time you call

♪ And the only heart I own

♪ For you and you alone

♪ That's all

♪ That's all ♪

Honest, honey, I was only trying to help.

Well, you should wear it like that more often.

Look, Lucy, uh,

from now on you can help me

by not trying to help me. Hmm?

Okay.

Thanks for trying.

Mmm, that tickles.

Aren't you supposed to say cut?

I know.

Cut. Damn it.

Come in.

Ms. Ball?

Ask Mr. Arnaz to wait,

I wanna walk out with him.

Yes, ma'am.

It's been one hell of a conga line, Daisy.

Daffy.

Maybe a little bit lower, guys.

Pretty good. Okay.

That's good.