All language subtitles for Breaking.Them.Up.2020

My parents
are getting a divorce.

They have not
informed me of this

and sadly aren't even
aware of it themselves,

but it's inevitable.

That's mom, Laurie.

She works at a pet store.

After her mom died of lung
cancer five years ago,

she gave up smoking and
turned into this fitness nut.

Who is always experimenting

with the latest fad diet.

Her current obsession?

Kize bars.

With all natural ingredients
from five continents.

Kize bars?

That's dad.

Phil.

As long as he can remember,

he's dreamed of
being a musician.

Like most artists, he works
in the food service industry.

He also has a somewhat
different attitude

toward health and
fitness than mom.

While they share few
common interests,

there is one thing they both
love to do with each other.

Mm.

- What are you doing?
- I have an ingrown.

Wait, are you clipping
your toenails on the floor?

I can't see in the bathroom.

You could throw a towel
down so it collects the nails.

Phil, I have to go to work.

Okay?

Just, just, I don't
know how to use a swifter.

What do you, how
do you now know,

it's a swiffer, first of all!

I swear.

I know you think
I'm out to get you

and I wanna grab your
balls and put 'em in a,

what is that thing?

A nutcracker.

Okay.

I think that you ended
up doing it on purpose.

That's my opinion.

She can't just lay the
compliment in there.

She has to undercut it somehow,

and so I walk away feeling
worse than without-

- at least I, at least
I gave you a compliment.

I'd rather not
have the compliment.

You didn't give me one.

What do you think?

But aside
from the verbal sparring,

there's little else
they have in common.

In fact, at this point,

it's almost as if the
only that connects them

to each other is me.

I met Erin two years ago.

The first thing
she said to me was,

"I'm obsessed with serial."

I replied, "I'm pretty
big into French toast."

It was months before I realized

she was talking about a podcast.

I cannot imagine two people
more wrong for each other.

I know, Damien.

It's like, you want to know
what yesterday's argument

was about?

The usefulness of
the electoral college?

The recycling not
getting put out.

Aren't you supposed to do that?

I am, but I forgot and they
were arguing over who forgot

to remind me.

It's like every day
they find something

to argue about that's
completely ridiculous.

Wow, sounds like
a broken record.

I know!

It's so annoying!

You know, sometimes I just
wish they'd get a divorce

so we could all move on.

You don't mean that.

I'm kidding.

- Ha.
- Kind of.

I really don't know
why they got married

in the first place.

- Um-
- hey, Damien.

- Erin.
- Hey!

Mind if I join you guys?

Oh.

Sure, take a seat right there.

Cool.

- So-
- who's the girl?

What?

Isn't that why
you're talking to us?

What do you mean?

I bet you it's leanne kolb.

I was going to say leanne too.

How'd you guys know?

I dunno.

Maybe it's because
you blindly follow her

like a zombie after ze
French class every day?

- No I don't.
- Oh.

Then why'd you walk into the
girls' restroom last week?

Okay, fine!

I am crazy about her.

When I see her
it's just like, um-

- like, you can't
put it into words?

Yeah.

You guys are good.

Well, it's $50 plus
whatever expenses we incur.

Whoa.

But, you can get her to like me?

Like, like-me like-me?

Oh.

No no no no no.

What?

I, I thought that's
what you guys do?

No.

That's what Chris kovach said.

And Neil rylance.

Yuri, Yuri, you've
been misinformed.

Yeah you can't make someone
like someone else, Yuri.

Haven't you seen "hitch?"

The movie?

"Hitch?"

No?

Wow.

So what do you guys do?

We create opportunities.

And for that you charge $50?

Plus expenses.

So?

Shall we give it a go?

Okay.

- Who is she, Mary poppins?
- Well, you know.

Uv rays, global
warming, the sun.

What happened to your shirt?

We just saw you at lunch?

We made red velvet
cake in home-ec'.

Great, trade with me.

C'mon, let's go, let's go.

Okay.

Yep.

- And-
- uh, Damien?

You're killin' me, man.

There we go.

Here you go.

Oh my god.

She's coming!

She's coming!

- You're good, you're good.
- Button it?

No, you're good just like that.

Fold the sleeves.

Oh.

Okay!

Did you guys steal her umbrella?

Briefly borrowed it.

Mm-hmm.

Shall we?

Here is your weapon of choice.

You'll need this.

You'll know what to do with it.

You know what?

I don't think I
like her anymore.

Yeah you do.

Oh come on.

Just give him a chance.

There we go.

You wanna?

Mm-hm.

- Yes I read the email.
- Okay.

And what did the email say?

It was you being
like, "yeah, I guess she's okay.

She's so, she's like
sort of pretty."

What?

That's not what I said!

Oh, you said you didn't
like my dress to the funeral.

Are you out of your mind?

- No, yeah-
- I don't even remember it.

I wish I had
recorded this conversation.

I listened to the one
episode you recommended to me,

and it was just, it was all
right, it wasn't the best,

I'm sure there's better
one's, but it was like-

- hey heads up.

Yeah, that's not happening.

Dream on, lover boy.

That is mean.

You're mean.

- Oh, oh wow, that's-
- I thought it was

just pringles in there.

Nope, it's uh, yep.

Coins.

I was about to be disappointed.

And it's quarters!

$50 plus expenses.

- Thank you.
- Well I'm glad

we could be of service.

Thank you guys.

Oh.

Well that's new.

- Not a single dollar bill.
- Nope.

I guess we'll count them?

Hey!

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Can I have the keys?

I gotta make a deposit.

Mm-hmm.

Here you go.

- Oh-
- mom.

- Here.
- Thank you.

Hi!

Oh, looks like someone got away.

What can I say?

She doesn't like
to be tied down.

"Losey."

It's just an obscure
world war ii reference.

Robert m. Losey,
first American casualty?

Not so obscure.

Wow.

Aren't you something else?

God.

Can you believe this creep?

Of course he sees the ring,
and yet, he doesn't even care.

It's no wonder why half
of all marriages fail.

Shit.

What the heck?

2004?

They said they got
married in 2003.

- Hey, uncle Rick?
- Hey, Damien!

Hey man, what the hell
are you doing out here?

- I-
- get in here, brother.

- I just-
- all right, what's up, man?

Uh, wanted to ask you
something in person.

Ask me what?

Did my parents have
a shotgun wedding?

Ha.

They did, didn't they?

- Um-
- I, I found this.

They said they got
married may third, 2003,

but this marriage
certificate says 2004,

which is, seven months
before I was born.

I-

- I always wondered
why they eloped,

instead of just having a
wedding, but I, I get it now.

This explains so much.

Hey, I should get back.

It's good seeing you.

All right, man.

Love you.

I'm Dr. Roger eggbert,

Dean of the university
of southern California.

Hey.

Ugh, not this pinko.

- What are you-
- hey!

Do you guys want to
see a movie today?

Erin gave me passes that
expire this weekend.

Wouldn't you rather go with her?

No, no.

It's raj's birthday today.

I just thought we could
see it together since,

we're a family-

- sure.

- I mean-
- yeah.

No, yeah yeah yeah.

Sure.

What do you want to see?

I dunno, it's up to you guys.

Oh, you know what looks great?

What?

- "Last night at noon."
- What is that?

It's this new
Terrence malick movie

with lupita nyong'o, Tom
courtenay and Michael Shannon.

- Oh my god.
- Looks awesome.

He's in ninth grade, and
I get headaches when I nap.

Okay, well, what
do you want to see?

Um, how about
"hunted and gathered?"

I'm not going to see
a vin diesel movie.

Why?

I can't understand
anything the guy says!

He's constantly mumbling.

"Yo yo yo."

You know, it's all
about the family.

Yo, it's about the
cash, trains, cars-...

That's a bad, that's
a very bad impression.

It's spot-on.

At least people actually
know who vin diesel is.

I definitely can't hear
you with peanut butter

in your mouth.

That makes me
sound more like him.

You're eating it out of the jar?

Lupita won an
academy award, okay?

Kize?

Losey guy!

It should be good.

Everybody put on your wetsuit,

we're going to make sure
everything works out okay for you.

I'm not sure if we have
something to fit you.

Why would you follow him?

Okay, so, here's what I
was thinking, all right?

We set my mom up with
someone, she's happy.

We do the same for
my dad, he's happy.

Then I'm happy, we all win.

Tie this for me?

Yo, no, literally, though,
you should see this guy.

He is perfect for my mom.

Same cheesy taste in
movies, same politics.

He's a history buff, a
jock, he's even a dog owner.

Wait, you don't own a dog.

Yeah, because my dad's allergic.

Oh, this guy eats kize bars.

Seriously, kize bars.

I'm pretty sure they're
the only two people

on the planet who can
stomach those things.

Well, I don't even think
you've even had one of those.

Literally, I'm, I'm telling
you this guy's got way more

in common with my than my
dad will-slash-ever have.

I'm assuming he's
attracted to her seeing

as I caught him creepily
flirting with her.

Everyone is
attracted to your mom.

She's gorgeous!

Yeah, that's why I'm
saying we find someone

for my dad first.

No no no no no.

I am not helping you with this.

C'mon!

We do stuff like
this all the time.

Mm-mm.

I can't do this
without you, Erin.

Damien.

I get it, okay?

I used to blame
myself all the time

for my parents'
problems too, but,

really, you don't want this.

I promise you.

Yeah.

Well, your parents are
where I got the idea from.

I see how happy your
mom is with kunal.

And your dad and Mara seem
really happy together.

You know, I'll have
to get braces again.

Wait, what are
you talking about?

Well, apparently
I've been grinding

my teeth together when I sleep.

I had to get a mouth guard.

My dentist?

He was like, "what do you have
to be so stressed out about?"

I don't know, maybe
it's because I come home

every day my parents are
at each other's throats.

I can't take it
anymore, I'm sick of it.

Thanks!

Cute hair.

See, that is what I want.

Look.

My parents were in much
worse shape than yours, okay?

They were constantly
arguing and sleeping

in different rooms, I mean,

they were hiding
things from each other.

Hey, wait, whoa.

What do you mean, what do
you mean hiding things?

My mom opened up
her own bank account

that my dad didn't know about,

and my dad was
seeing a psychiatrist

that my mom didn't know about.

Look.

I know things seem bad
between them right now,

but believe me they could
be much, much worse.

Tell your father thanks for me,

that he forgot his phone

and I had to drive
all the way out here.

Wanna bite?

Never.

Are you sure?

C'mon.

No, no.

Get that thing away from me.

No, oh, god, it smells good.

No!

Stop, please.

Just, phone.

Dad.

Okay.

What happened?

How could you quit your job?

Would you calm down?

No!

Back to my original question:
How could you quit your job?

Can you go to your room?

No, stay here.

You've been lying to us
both, face it like a man.

He gave me an ultimatum.

Okay?

He was gonna promote
Joyce to assistant manager

because he's with her,
which meant I was gonna have

to manager, or he
was gonna let me go!

So I, let me get this straight.

You quit your job, because
he was trying to promote you,

and give you more money?

Am I hearing that right?

Laurie, if I took
the job I'd be working

like 55 hours a week.

Oh.

And then you won't have any time

for your music stuff, right?

Way to take the
initiative, Phil!

You know somethin'?

While we're on the topic of
keeping things from each other?

Is there anything that
you want to tell us?

What are you talking about?

Gee, I don't know.

What could I possibly
be talking about?

I don't know, Phil, what
are you talking about?

What is this?

Huh?

How long has this been going on?

Bet you didn't even quit.

Well, I just want to say,

I still feel really
conflicted about this.

Noted.

Hey, look, I, I'm
glad you're here.

Really.

I told you, I, I can't
do this without you.

What do you think?

I'm not sure any of these
women are your dad's type.

Well that's a
polite way of saying

there's no way
they'd be into him.

- I didn't say that.
- Well I'm saying it!

I mean, look at them.

Look at those guys.

They probably have six
pack abs an, you know,

go to the dentist.

My dad can't even tie a tie.

He can tie a tie.

Yeah, not without
consulting YouTube.

I'm just saying, if
we're gonna find someone

for your dad, then we
should go some place

where we can find
someone like him.

So you're saying like
a shaved ice truck?

I meant someone
who's been married?

Okay, so, like,
like your parents did.

Uh, okay, uh, where do
divorced women hang out?

You know what next
Saturday is, don't you?

The frickin' bake sale.

The bake sale fundraiser was
like a modern day cotillion

for the divorced mothers
of patient hearts prep.

Giving them the perfect
opportunity to become acquainted

with the divorced fathers
of patient hearts prep.

I knew convincing
dad to come along

wouldn't take much arm twisting.

Hey, dad, wanna
go to a bake sale?

Yeah.

So, Erin, how's eighth
grade been treating you?

Ninth grade, dad.

Oh.

I don't think I realized you
were a year ahead of Damien.

She isn't.

Let me just give
you a little cashola.

- Oh, I have money-
- no no no, it's fine.

This is my lucky two, so.

Um, how much is this stuff?

It's different for each stand.

Where is the atm?

Past the koi pond, right
next to the Blackjack tables.

There is no atm,
dad, it's a school.

Okay, funny guy.

Uh, I'm gonna have to go
move some funds around.

All right here, take this.

I owe you 17.

Okay.

Let me get the two
back, two back.

Um, dad, I'll give it to
you later, can you just-

- I need the two it's lucky!

Wow!

All right, let's
get this over with.

Whoa.

What are you crossing out?

Uh, those who are married or
are already in relationships.

Didn't Ms. Taylor
just get divorced?

Yeah, but, according
to her happen profile,

after 16 years of marriage,

all she wants now is
an nsafwb relationship.

All genders welcome.

Well, okay.

Yeah!

Which leaves us with six women.

Kinda feels like a school dance.

The way it works
is, the boys move

to the prettier girls first.

And once those girls decide,
they move onto the others.

May wanna cross
off Ms. Ryan, too.

Okay.

How about Ms. Trevino?

She's a corporate attorney.

Your father wouldn't
have to work?

I don't think my
dad's my dad's much

of a corporate attorney type.

Okay.

Then how about Ms. Collender?

Owns a vintage clothing store.

Would you really want
to be step-brothers

with Malcolm and ren?

Fair enough.

How about Ms. Boggs?

Well hey, she's
not that bad-looking.

Is that all you
guys think about?

- No.
- Okay, good.

'Cause I think
she's very pretty.

And, she's a computer programmer,
which is kind of creative,

like your dad.

I mean, of course, you'd have
to be step-sibs with Carly.

I could make that work.

Nobody's perfect.

Wait, what'd she make?

Uh, Reese's peanut
butter cheesecake.

My dad loves cheesecake
and he loves peanut butter!

He puts it on cereal.

Oh, yeah, I've seen him.

I think she could be the one.

Great, where's your dad?

I dunno, uh, you stand guard.

Any of these dummies
move in on her,

punch 'em in the crotch.

Will do, dude.

Dad?

Peanut butter cheesecake.

Hey, dad, you
gotta come outside.

What're you doing?

- Dad.
- Hang on a sec.

It sounds much better.

Dad, there is some chocolate
peanut butter cheesecake

that you have to try.

Peanut butter?

Uh, hang on a second.

It's my fault.

Your dad heard my awful
playing and came to the rescue.

I don't want to keep you.

No, no no.

We almost got it.

I think you got it.

All right, great job, dad.

Let's go.

- That was remarkable.
- Thanks.

Hey Mr. Cross!

Well, why don't you
join the school play?

They're looking for a pianist.

What?

What's the show?

"Guys and gals."

You mean "guys and dolls?"

No.

Definitely not.

We can't afford
the rights to that.

Ah.

You know, I actually played
sky Masterson in high school?

Hey, great story, dad, let's go.

Really, I played
Sarah brown in college.

Get outta town.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah, mm-hmm.

Oh my god!

You're, like, famous!

- No.
- That's huge!

Nah.

But, Mr. Logan's carpal
tunnel has flared up,

so, we are looking
for a replacement.

Mmm.

Well, I was kinda lookin
for somethin' part-time,

but, uh, I don't know.

I feel like it would be weird
if I'm in it and Damien isn't.

Oh, well he was thinking of
joining, weren't you, Damien?

You weren't at
auditions this week?

Oh, well, he's just being shy.

You know, he was
talking to me about

how he'd never been a
part of a play before

and he thought it'd
be really interesting

to be part of one now.

So.

Well, I'm sure
you could probably

use an extra stagehand, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, we could always
use more stagehands.

I could be a stagehand.

Of course you can.

Great!

Okay, and, are you, available?

Uh, um, yeah.

Sure.

- Okay!
- Why not?

- Cool!
- It'll be fun.

- It'll be fun.
- Yeah.

- Awesome.
- Cool.

Okay.

- So, sky Masterson.
- Yeah.

Totally played it
different than Marlon.

- Oh.
- Yeah, I mean,

he was like, so low energy-

- yeah.
- In his performance?

I figured, what if
you played the comedy?

That's an interesting choice.

Uh-huh.

You have tapes of this?

- Oh my god, yes.
- There's no way.

She's way out of his league.

Well, some women
are into artsy guys.

And she practically lit up

when I suggested
he join the play.

I think she has a crush on him.

I think you're certifiable.

Yeah, and I think
you're bad at telling

when a girl's into a guy.

- What are you talking about?
- Nothing.

What about Ms. Boggs?

You got me so excited for her.

She's far more realistic.

Yeah, what about her?

I know, they're
exchanging phone numbers.

It's great.

If I'm doing this
play, so are you.

Okay, sounds like fun.

You're so annoying.

So, have you registered
for scuba diving lessons yet?

Yeah.

Took like half the
money I made this year.

Wow.

Well, isn't your mom going
to think it's a little weird

you signed up,
especially when she sees

who the instructor is?

She doesn't know
I paid for them.

Oh.

Touché.

Thanks for bringing me.

Someone's nervous.

Oh, no I'm not.

I'm excited, that's all.

Good morning!

Some of you may be
able to surmise,

I suffered a minor case
of the bends recently.

It's my fault, I
ascended too quickly.

But the good news
is, the doctors say,

a few more chemical peels,
you'll hardly be able

to see any scarring.

Ha!

I'm just kiddin' ya.

Haha.

See, I'm perfectly fine.

Here, you know what?

Just in case.

You might need that.

Just kidding.

It's perfectly safe.

Scuba diving is absolutely
one of the safest

things you can do, when
performed correctly.

And that's why we're here.

To learn how to do it correctly.

See?

This is just makeup,
it's perfectly fine.

Welcome to frank's
underwater sports, I'm frank.

All right, first question
I have for you guys is,

who here signed up alone?

Anyone, anyone?

Exactly.

No one did.

Partly because you were required
to sign up with a partner,

but also because, like life,

scuba diving is much more
enjoyable when experienced

with a partner.

So let's go around and
let's meet everybody.

How about you guys first?

Hello everyone!

I'm Susan, this is
my husband Doyle.

Our daughter is taking
us to the Caribbean

for our 40th
anniversary in July.

So, that's why we're here.

Wow.

The Ruby anniversary, huh?

Congratulations.

- Thank you.
- How about you guys?

Hello.

My name is xi and
this is my wife Cheng.

Hi.

She signed us up,
without me knowing.

Okay!

Glad to have you with us.

Hey.

Wait a minute, bone
dog boutique, right?

Yeah.

Losey dog?

Yes!

Uh, folks, listen.

For any of your pet needs,
go to bone dog boutique,

- run by-
- oh!

Laurie if I'm correct?

Good memory.

And this is my son, Damien.

Damien, nice to meet you.

What brings you
guys to scuba class?

Well, Damien here
won first place

at his school's geography fair,

and the prize was
lessons for two.

Okay, Magellan.

Let's see if I can stump ya.

What's the capital
of, Singapore?

Singapore?

Dang!

I thought I'd get
you with that one.

Nicely done.

Okay, let's get in the pool!

Feel like I zone out.

Yeah, rather than like
hammering just feels so violent.

Have you never
used a hammer before?

Oh, two times a
day for two minutes.

That's a toothbrush.

No, no.

This is new, but, I think
I'm getting the hang of it.

Oh.

Does that say hollub outside?

Hollub prep?

The montagues to our capulets?

The glinda to our elphaba?

The javert to our Jean valjean?

Does that ring a bell?

Hm?

They're only our big
drama department rival.

- Oh no.
- Who's that?

What are you wearing?

Did you take a shower?

Mm.

You shouldn't have to think.

Ah, and great.

You're wearing
socks and sandals.

And they're, you got
different pairs of socks on!

What are you doing?

Will you relax?

You sound like your mom.

Phil!

- Hi.
- Hi, how are you, vivien?

It's Robin.

Is it really?

Mm-hmm.

Oh my god, I'm sorry.

- I-
- it's okay.

Sorry about that.

I'm terrible with names.

It's fine, it's fine!

I, I, I'm always screwing up.

It's all right.

So wait, I'm sorry.

Is it, which one is it?

Is it Robin or vivien?

It's Robin.

Mm-hmm, that's what I thought.

- Yep.
- I got this.

- Okay!
- All right, Robin.

I'm gonna get to the piano.

Okay.

Unfortunately,
that was just the beginning.

He was a disaster.

He was rude.

He was disgusting.

Excuse me.

And, he was obnoxious.

So, "guys and dolls" is based on.

"The idyll of miss Sarah
brown" by Damon runyon.

Now the tone of-

- actually, that's
not entirely accurate.

It also borrows heavily
from "blood pressure",

which is another short
story by Damon runyon.

Sorry, go ahead.

Thanks, Phil.

Now, the tone.

The tone of-

like, really obnoxious.

I'm sorry.

There's also elements

and characters from other
short stories of his,

most notably, "pick the winner".

Anyone?

D.r. Is one of the best
authors I've ever read.

Shel silverstein is a poet,
ugh, phenomenal romance novel.

And I have a signed copy
of it by his brother.

"Where the sidewalk,"
is it begins or ends?

- Ends.
- I never read shel.

Where the sidewalk ends"
it's a very good book.

And like, the legs sticking out-

there were so many things

wrong with him, I didn't
know where to begin.

So I decided it was best to
start with the superficial.

It's fine, you can just-

hey, not bad.

I suppose it's an improvement.

Okay, here he
comes, here he comes.

Hopefully he takes advantage.

Phil, hey.

I got it!

Nope.

It was under my shoe.

You just ate that
off the ground?

Okay.

Okay.

That was, um, it
wasn't, that was good!

Wow.

Things are going
better with your mom.

So.

Nice work today.

Thanks.

Some of us are going
to doms for happy hour

if you're not too spent?

Hey, it's been a while
since you had a cheat day.

Guess who!

Hey, Tasha.

What are you doing here?

Got off early.

Thought I'd surprise you.

Are you upset?

No, I'm not upset.

Hi, I'm Tasha.

Hi.

Oh, uh, Laurie.

My son.

- Three, four, five, six-
- oh.

It's okay.

Let's try it again.

- Five, six, seven, eight.
- What was I thinking?

Of course he'd
have a girlfriend.

Well, maybe they're not serious.

Yeah.

All this time I thought my
mom would be the easy one.

Well, then
it's a sign your parents

are meant to be together.

Stop it.

You know I don't
believe in signs.

- Hey, Erin!
- Hey!

Um, Jason is having
a, uh, crawfish boil

at his dad's warehouse
tonight if you're interested?

Sorry, Lou.

We already have plans tonight.

Thanks anyways.

Yeah.

Okay.

Sure.

No problem, sorry.

Hey, what plans?

Oh c'mon, I was saving you.

From what?

Ow, ow, ow.

Apparently Jason
throws good parties.

I'm sure they're like every
other ninth grade party.

They start with bad karaoke
and end with an awkward game

of spin the bottle.

Yeah, we always skipped those.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Anyways, I'm not really
in a festive mood tonight.

Okay, um,

well, want to see
"return of the undead 3"

or something?

I do, just, just not
on opening weekend.

Three, four, five, six.

Don't worry, Jason.

You'll get it.

Okay, everybody, circle up.

We're done for the day.

All right.

Got one more announcement.

It's taking me a little
longer to finish painting

these backgrounds, so,
we're going to have

to postpone to April 14th.

Sorry, guys.

Good job.

April 14th!

What?

That's the day I
graduate from scuba class.

Well, class is in the
morning, play's at night.

It's fine.

You're missing the point.

We're on the exact
same schedule now.

So what?

Are you saying you
think it's a sign?

No.

'Course not.

You don't believe in signs.

Right.

Yeah it's, uh, it's an
encouraging development.

Don't you think?

So.

Party?

Fine.

Where's Lou at?

Agh, come on!

He likes dirt.

- He's dirty.
- Dirty.

Welcome to the
rest of your lives.

Oh, god.

Just take this.

Holy crap.

Who is that guy?

That's Jason's dad.

The divorce hasn't
been easy on him.

I can see that.

He's doing a lot
better than his ex.

She got a tummy tuck,
rhinoplasty and a boob job.

And then afterwards,
she got addicted

to the pain killers
and now she's in rehab.

But she looks amazing.

So good.

That's super depressing.

Hey, karaoke.

Let's go!

My parents went
through a rough time

when they split up too.

Oh, man.

I don't even want to think
about what would happen

if my parents broke up.

And were alone?

What do you mean?

C'mon, you've seen my dad.

The guy can hardly
take care of himself.

Well, your mom
seems pretty stable.

Please.

Look what happened
when my grandma died.

She got all ocd about
exercising, eating, kize bars!

I'm not even sure what's
going on with her, really.

Honestly, left to
their own devices,

I'm not sure what they
would be capable of.

That's why I can't
let them end up alone.

Yo.

Uh, we're gonna go upstairs,
soon as my dad passes out.

Sup, guys?

Um, y'all playin' that game?

- Are y'all coming?
- Erin!

You should totally come.

No, sorry.

I think we're good.

Aw.

Are you scared that
someone else is going

to kiss your girlfriend?

She's not my girlfriend, okay?

We're just friends.

Yeah, they're just friends.

Chill, bro.

Yeah, okay.

Enjoy your crawfish.

Well, I think I'll play.

What?

Uh, could you excuse
us for a second?

- Hm?
- What are you doing?

Well, I've never played before!

So.

Let's just get out of here.

Well, if you don't want
to play you don't have to.

If you're, I dunno-

- if I'm, if I'm, what?

If I'm scared?

Damien, it's me.

It's fine!

It's fun, it's fun.

'Kay, fine.

Uh, yeah I'll play too.

Let's, uh, spin this bottle.

No.

Yes!

Ah, wow.

Very funny.

Hey.

We're all friends here.

Especially you two.

The hell is this?

Close one, right?

Thought you had a reservation?

Yeah, she canceled it.

Do you want to grab lunch?

I don't know what's close.

We could go to the soup place?

I know you love their croutons.

Hey, look who it is.

Hi!

You guys just finish playing?

Uh, no, there was a
snafu with our reservation.

What about you?

We're about to play
now, if she ever shows up.

Ah!

There she is.

Guys?

This is Kayla, my sister.

Kayla, Damien and Laurie.

- Hi.
- What happened to Tasha?

Does she not play tennis?

- Oh, god.
- All right.

She does, but, uh,
Tasha and I are no more.

It's a very difficult
time for all of us.

Stop it.

Hey.

Do you mind if we play doubles?

All right, let's
see what you got.

- Great.
- Okay.

All right, what you got?

Come on, frank!

Yes.

And then we went to ruggles

and they ordered the
exact same thing.

The fiesta salad with
the chicken breast.

No cheese, no croutons,
no flavor at all.

Huh.

Fascinating.

They are so similar,

they even grit their teeth
the same way when they swear.

Uh-huh.

That is not even
the best part, though.

Oh, there's something
better than the swearing?

Yeah, frank said he's throwing
a party after graduation.

Mm.

I think that could be the
best time to, you know, take it

to the next level.

Ew.

Of course, that, uh,
still leaves my dad.

Well, I mean, you know,
he's not doing that bad.

He stopped calling her vivien.

Yeah, I guess I'm
just worried he's going

to get stuck in the
friend-zone now.

What do you mean?

Well, you know.

When two people become
friends it's, just,

impossible for them
to become a couple.

You think it's impossible?

You don't?

Well, if two friends
can get along well,

then they should get
along well as a couple.

It's like they say, you wanna
marry your best friend, right?

I mean, in that case, you
and I should go out, right?

What are they looking at?

Oh my god.

Oh.

Christine ferkel's boobs.

When did this happen?

Well, they started
coming in last year,

we had pe together.

It's like I'm looking at a
completely different person.

It is unexpected
to say the least.

What?

That could be it.

What do you mean?

If my dad can
show Ms. Scarpinito,

like a, whole 'nother
side of him, something

- that she hasn't seen before-
- uh-huh.

Maybe that'll change the way
she looks at him, and get him

out of the friend-zone?

Okay, but what side of him?

One, two. Three, four.

Five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four-

- agh-
- it's okay.

Uh, let's, try it again.

Quit it.

Is everything okay, Erin?

Yeah!

Uh, yeah.

Everything's, everything's fine.

Okay!

Hi.

Um, suggestion.

I was wondering if,

maybe, maybe Mr. Cross
could demonstrate for Jason?

Huh?

Well, you played the part
in high school, right dad?

Well, I mean, it was a
totally different play.

Yeah, but it's the
same choreography, right?

Well, no.

Well, it's not exactly the same.

That was "guys & dolls".

This is "guys & gals".

Jason could find it helpful?

I don't know.

I don't think it's a good idea.

If it helps Jason's performance,
it couldn't hurt to try.

Dad, why don't
you give it a shot?

You could do it
with Ms. Scarpinito.

I-

- I mean, I guess we could try.

All right.

Let's do it.

Go easy on me.

Okay.

They don't look
like friends anymore.

Was that helpful?

- Mm-hm.
- It was fine.

You know, I'm really happy
we're doing this play together.

I don't know if I should
go with the rancher,

or, you know what
else looked good?

It was the b-e-l-t.

Can you just pick
something, please.

- Bacon, eggs, lettuce-
- excuse me?

It takes you forever to
make the simplest decision.

It's not "Sophie's
choice", it's a meal.

Just pick something.

Ah, Damien.

I know you wouldn't believe it,

but your mom wasn't
always like this.

Mm-hm.

There was a time your mom was
actually pretty frickin' cool.

Sometimes, we would
come to diners,

kinda like this one,
and, this woman would

just blurt something out, and
we would just stage a fight

in front of the whole place,
and everyone would just be,

like, staring at us.

What d'ya mean he's not my son?

He looks just like me!

Look at the coif!

Look at his earlobes.

They're gonna believe you.

I'm so sorry.

Well, Damien, your
father, didn't always used

to be like this.

Oh?

He used to fog up the
bathroom, and leave me haikus

on the mirror.

He used to do a lot
of stuff like that.

He was more than just fun.

Are you ready?

Um, actually, I'm sorry.

I need a couple minutes.

I got it narrowed.

I'm just not sure if
I want to go breakfast

- for dinner-
- mom!

Mom, could you move?

I need to use the restroom.

Oh.

I'll be right
back, tell me what I missed.

- Give me all your money!
- Ah!

Oh!

Um, hey, hey, uh, what
are you doing here?

Oh, my parents decided to
go out to argue for a change.

What about you?

Hm.

Um, well I'm, I'm kind
of meeting someone.

What do you mean,
I'm right here?

- Um-
- what is that?

Makeup?

Ah, shit on a biscuit.

Here comes Lou.

Hey, Erin.

- Um-
- hey.

Oh!

- I-
- there.

You, uh, look very nice today.

Oh, thanks.

Thank you.

Oh!

Uh, sup Damien?

Lou.

Um, are you ready?

- Yeah, sure.
- Ready for what?

Erin and I have a date!

That's funny.

No, really, what's going on?

We have a date.

Erin's dad gets
free movie passes.

So.

- Oh, does he?
- Yeah.

It's so awesome!

We are going to watch
"return of the undead 3".

So-

- can I talk to
you for a second?

- We're talking right now?
- In private?

Um, it's, it's okay.

I was going to get
candy from the store

around the corner anyways,

'cause it's so expensive
at the movie theaters.

Really?

Candy's more expensive
at the theater?

Oh yeah!

So much more expensive.

So, um, do you want anything?

I'm fine.

Thanks.

All right.

Yeah.

What is this?

What?

Oh, don't go all
"black mirror" on me.

What, what's going on?

Oh, well, he asked me

if I wanted chicken
fingers yesterday.

And then, asked if I
wanted to be his girlfriend

and I said, "sure."

Wow.

Sounds like he really
swept you off your feet.

What are you getting?

I am getting breakfast
for dinner, two eggs,

Turkey bacon, side of wheat
toast, probably won't eat it,

you can have it, you
always do, orange juice,

coffee, the end.

Great.

I'll have that as well.

Oh my god.

Actually, you know what?

- Now I'm reconsidering.
- Oh my god.

Is this, is it out of pity?

Does he have like
some incurable disease

that only you know about?

He's not dying, Damien.

Then why are
you going out with him?

I don't know?

'Cause he's nice?

Oh, he's nice?

Yeah, he never has a mean
thing to say about anyone, so.

Who else am I supposed
to go out with?

I don't know.

I hadn't really
thought about it.

By the way, I thought
we were gonna to see,

"return of the undead
3" but, whatever,

guess we're not going to.

Yeah, well, I was tired
of waiting for you, so.

So, I got skittles and
whatever this thing is.

Oh, she doesn't like skittles,

they get stuck in her teeth.

Skittles are fine, thank you.

Um, I think we should get going.

We don't want to
miss the trailers.

So, yeah.

Okay.

See ya.

Yeah, have a nice time.

Thank you so much, Damien.

- You're so nice.
- Yeah, let's go.

Thank you, Damien!

You did this.

You did this.

It's your fault.

We're leaving.

Honey, you coulda had
a piece of bread, okay?

In 2014, Japan's ueno zoo '

temporarily closed its
popular panda exhibit

to give shin shin and
ri ri some alone time

to discover if they were
suitable mating partners.

I'd say people really
aren't that much different.

That is, can't know how
compatible two people

are unless you can
get them alone.

We've been vandalized.

Yup.

By a sick individual.

Somebody broke in here.

A maniac.

And destroyed all this
beautiful artwork.

If I could get my hands
on that sick human being,

I would wring his neck
until he ceased to breathe.

I have an idea.

It's obviously the
work of hollub.

Okay, now, we shouldn't
blame anybody without proof.

The hollub antelopes,
there's your proof.

But, hey, those ungulates want
a war, we'll give 'em one.

Yes, yeah.

- Oh.
- Oh, sorry.

This deserves an
appropriate response, Ms. S.

No, there will be no responses.

All right.

No responses.

Renise.

Mm-mm, no, this is
a minor setback.

It's fine.

I'll come in tomorrow
and re-paint them.

Me and my dad can help you.

What?

I mean, you always say
we should help others.

Right.

And, that's why we're gonna
come in tomorrow to help you.

- Thank you.
- Like we said.

Absolutely.

Okay, thanks.

Great.

Oh, shoot.

We got scuba diving
practice tomorrow.

We can't, we can't make,
we can't come help you.

It's been canceled.

- Was it?
- Yeah.

We'll come help you.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- Where's Damien?
- I dunno.

Evidently his scuba class was
not canceled this morning.

Oh, okay.

- You brought coffee.
- Yes.

That'll be $2.

Ha-ha!

Hey, Ms. Scarpinito!

- Hey.
- What's up Mr. Cross?

What's up?

I had nothing to do
today, so I was like,

"why not come and help?"

Where's Damien?

Oh, he couldn't make it, man.

Oh, well good
thing I'm here, then.

Let's get this party started!

Oh, what the heck?

Hey, what's up?

What's your pez-eating,
pony tailed boyfriend

doing at school?

Um, what?

Lou!

He's interrupting what's
supposed to be alone time

with my dad and Ms. Scarpinito.

Okay, how do you know this?

Who cares?

What, what is he doing there?

I don't know?

Maybe he went to help?

Oh yeah, 'cause he's
such a nice guy, right?

Okay, is there a
reason you called?

I need you to get rid of him.

How?

I don't know, call him.

Tell him you found a fou
leaf clover or something.

Okay, well, I can't call him

because he doesn't have a phone.

Of course he doesn't.

I need you to go over
there and get rid of him.

Well I, I can't.

I'm busy.

- Doing what?
- Doing, I don't know.

I don't want to help
you with this anymore.

Oh, you're
telling me this now, really?

Mm-hm.

Well, I've been thinking
about it for a while

and I wasn't sure of it
until this very moment.

Oh my god.

Just, go over there.

Please!

Unless, you don't
like being around him.

Oh, yeah?

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know.

I figured since, you
know, he's your boyfriend,

that you enjoyed
hanging out with him.

Maybe I'm, maybe I'm wrong.

Personally, I could understand
why you wouldn't want to.

If that's the case,
I totally understand.

You don't have to.

Okay, fine!

I'll go.

But this is the last
time I'm helping you.

Fine!

What's got you all riled up?

Oh, uh, telemarketers.

Oh, give 'em hell.

Goddammit!

What's wrong?

Some little bastard
slashed my tires.

Oh, they, they got mine too.

What?

Just ours?

Are you kidding?

That's weird.

What, what do you mean?

Why would that be weird?

It's a little weird.

- It's not weird.
- What happened?

Someone slashed our tires.

Just yours?

That's weird.

Thank you.

Okay, kids like to prank people.

It happens.

Listen, there's a bike
shop across the street.

Why don't you guys go to happy
hour, I'll, I'll hang here

and get the bikes fixed?

That'd be a great
idea except everybody's

got plans this week.

Matter of fact, I'm
heading out to go ride

with my sister's kids.

But, uh, I will see
you guys next week.

Oh!

Uh, what is that?

Are you a conservative?

Uh, well, in the Buckley mold.

Not whatever they're doing now.

"Stop calling me a crypto-zazi

or I'll sock you in your face."

An ally!

Mm-hm.

Although, I, at one point,
I was a bleeding heart.

Hey, I canvased
for Gore in my 20s.

I met my husband
at a nader rally.

Oh, god, I was a completely
different person back then.

And a few years ago, I read
"capitalism and freedom"

on a whim and there
was no turning back.

My entryway
was John Stewart mill.

"On Liberty".

Not familiar.

Hey, schlegel's, go over
there, tell them I sent you.

They're great.

And you, to be continued.

Yeah.

Oh!

You need help?

Did you get this part over here?

All right, here we go.

Oh, um, the, the brush broke.

Oh, why don't you grab
a new one from the store?

I'll give you money.

That's a great idea!

Erin!

Hey, c'mon, let's go.

- Where are we going?
- Uh, I don't know?

We'll find out.

Okay.

C'mon!

Okay, so, I'm heading
to my place, right?

It's like, four A.M.

Hammered, right?

And outta nowhere this Jeep
rolls up and this guy pops out

and points an ak47
right at my face!

- Oh my god!
- Right?

I'm freakin' out.

I'm thinkin' I'm being robbed.

I just immediately grab
my wallet and, like,

throw it in the Jeep.

Hit the guy in the head.

But, as it turns out,

one of their buddies had
gotten robbed earlier

that night, and they were
riding around looking

for the culprit.

Ended up giving me a
ride back to the resort.

Coolest dudes in the world.

That's crazy.

Totally crazy.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's fine.

So that's why you always
smell like cucumbers.

You know?

I don't like the taste of them?

Hm.

But, I find the
aroma intoxicating.

I don't know.

Your turn.

I'm not supposed to be smoking.

Oh, no.

What's your crazy
traveling, uh, abroad story?

I have never been
out of the country.

Really?

Mm.

I almost moved to
Amsterdam for a year.

You would've had some
stories with that one.

What happened?

Well this was back in college.

There was this undergrad
exchange program

with the university of utrecht
for veterinary medicine.

That's what I wanted to do.

That's one of the best
programs in the world

and somehow, I got accepted.

Humble brag.

Nice.

Mm.

And then a few months before
I was supposed to leave,

I ended up getting married.

And then I ended up
dropping out of school.

Hm.

Oh man.

I know.

I know.

I've always planned
on going back, but,

just hasn't exactly happened.

I don't know.

That was the choice
I made at the time.

Fuck it.

Oh, yeah.

See, cucumbers.

Who knew?

Not bad, I might keep it.

I don't think many people aspire

to teach middle school theater.

Why not?

I dunno, I enjoy it.

But, you know, I was a
drama major in college,

and then after I
moved out to la,

to make it big,

and, gave it a couple
years, and now I'm back.

A couple years?

Mm-hm.

- You gave it a couple years?
- Mm-hm.

Wow, you really hung in there.

Okay.

Well, I'm almost 30.

And so, apparently in
Hollywood that means

that you're ancient.

And we age, like, in dog years?

Mm-hm.

And not like cute little
pomeranians, you know?

Like, great Danes.

It's brutal.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, you have a very nice coat.

Thanks.

What about Meryl Streep?

I think she might be over 30.

Yeah.

Yep.

True.

Meryl Streep is over
30, you got me on that.

Oh, um, Maggie Smith.

Mm-hm.

Yep, yep.

Um, sissy spacek.

Whoa, sissy spacek.

What?

What's wrong with sissy spacek?

Nothing.

The opposite of everything.

No, she is, she is amazing.

"Badlands" is hands-down
my favorite movie ever.

So, what about you?

Did you train as a musician?

Uh, yeah I guess.

Sure, years ago.

I was in some bands in my 20s.

I think the music would most
likely be categorized as,

have you heard the "bad" genre?

Oh my god, no.

Don't say that.

It was, no, I doubt it.

Probably, probably not.

It's okay.

It's fine.

It was fun.

I had one of those minidv cams,

and I would take it
everywhere with me,

because I was a total jerk,
and I would make, like,

these impromptu music videos?

And they were so bad.

Radiohead we were not.

So, I guess, I dunno,
I eventually I just got

into writing music, but, it
didn't really go anywhere.

If I'm gonna be entirely
honest with you,

I haven't, I haven't
really finished anything

in a long time either.

Well, you should,
you know, get up there.

Play me one of your songs.

No.

Come on.

It's so easy.

You just gotta sit up there and,

you know?

Is that what you think?

It's just easy?

Probably.

I've never played.

Okay.

Well, keep at it.

What?

Nothing.

- Nothing.
- What, what?

- It's stupid-
- what?

Ah, it's just
been a while since,

like, I got any kind
of encouragement.

My wife thinks I
should just give up

on this music stuff, you
know, as she calls it.

And, uh, I dunno.

Part of me thinks
she's right, you know?

It's like, maybe it's time
to face up to the reality?

No, god, no.

Don't, don't.

Don't do that.

You are really talented.

You just tuned
that piano by ear.

- And-
- oh.

No, you did!

Yeah, maybe I could try out
for "america's got talent"?

Tuning pianos.

And, you know what?

People are living longer
than ever these days.

So, you've still got some time.

You don't give up either.

You're still a puppy.

Okay.

Are you hungry?

I could expense something.

We could get some food in
us, something like that?

Oh, shoot.

Actually, I'm supposed
to pick up dinner.

Oh, yeah, sorry, you've
done more than enough.

I can, uh, finish
this on my own.

- No, no, no!
- No, it's fine.

No no no.

Let me just, um, I just
gotta check something.

- Okay.
- I'll make a quick call.

Okay.

I'll be right back.

Hey, dad.

How's it going?

Good, good.

We, uh, got a lot
done, actually.

Probably would have finished
a lot more if you didn't bail

on us and leave us short handed.

Oh, ha, sorry about that.

I'm just kidding.

It's fine.

Um, I was actually
thinking about

staying a little bit longer,
to kinda help her finish up,

uh, unless you guys need
me to pick up dinner?

No!

No, uh, no I think
you should stay there,

'cause I left you shorthanded.

Okay, all right.

Do me a favor just
tell your mom.

Yeah, sure thing.

- Hey, mom.
- Hey, hun.

Uh, are the bikes ready yet?

The bikes?

They, uh, the bikes, uh,

no, no, no it seems

like a lot of the bikes
in the area got hit.

Okay.

Well, I'm starting
to get hungry,

so would you mind if I ate here?

Uh, yeah.

No, that, that'd be great.

I just ate and I'm going
to head to the arcade.

Okay.

Oh.

Hang on.

Was your dad supposed to
pick up dinner for us?

No, actually-

- listen, will you just let
him know that he doesn't need

to worry about us too?

Sure!

And, perfect.

Yeah, press that.

- Right, keep pressing that.
- Okay.

That's amazing.

Mm.

Any day now.

All right, you know what?

Just settle down.

The key to winning is Patience.

So, all right.

I just like to win immediately.

- Oh!
- And that's not gonna happen.

All right, watch this.

It's gonna be
quick like a bunny.

Okay, go ahead.

- Watch, watch, watch.
- Oh!

Oh, I got it.

Oooh!

- It's gonna fall.
- Hey, hey, hey!

I am victorious.

Cheater!

I am the winner, yes.

Another drink on him.

Yeah, winner sets up.

When we got home that night,

something very strange happened.

Hey!

You guys took your time.

Well, apparently, a lot of
the bikes in the area were hit?

Jeez.

First it's the scenic
backgrounds, then it's the bikes.

I mean, like, trouble seems
to follow you wherever you go.

- Hi.
- Hi, hi.

What is that?

Cucumbers?

I had a Greek salad.

Cool.

So, it looks like
you're, you had a good day?

What do you mean?

Well, keyboard's out,
looks like you're going

to write again, it's
kind of exciting.

Are you inspired?

You know, I've been spending
so much time with this play,

I haven't had any time
to work on my own stuff.

Thank you.

So, what's she like?

Vivien, right?

Robin?

She's all right I guess.

Uh, like a regular,
normal, average person.

Okay.

Well, think I'm gonna take
a shower and head to bed.

It's been a long day.

Okay.

I'm gonna keep working
for a little bit.

Goodnight.

Night.

It was the first time in months

mom and dad had gone a
whole day without arguing

with each other.

You wanna jam with me?

Nah, I'm good.

Okay, goodnight.

And the ceasefire would continue

over the next couple of weeks.

Sorry, it's too loud?

No.

It sounds nice.

Oh.

Thanks.

- Mm-hm.
- It looks good.

Hey, second place,
Mr. Stock market wiz.

I guess all those times we
saw "wolf of wall street"

paid off.

Guess so.

- So, what's up?
- Nothing!

Hey, are you mad at me?

No.

'Cause I texted you
four times yesterday.

Well, I've been a little
busy, in case you've forgotten.

Okay.

Um, well did you hear about
that guy that was going

to go base jumping off
the empire state building,

but then he chickened out,

so then they all
had to rescue him?

I didn't.

Anything else?

Okay, why are you
acting like this?

- Like what?
- Like this.

You're being weird.

Oh, I'm being weird.

That's funny.

I'm sorry, what makes it funny?

'Cause you're dating Lou!

That's why it's
weird, you weirdo!

I'm that way.

I'm this way.

God, ever since we
started going out,

you started acting like this.

Yeah, because it's crazy.

Why is it crazy?

Because it's Lou!

All right, any time anyone
says something funny?

He just says, "that's lol, man."

For the past three years
he's gone as himself

for Halloween and said
he's time magazine's 2006

person of the year.

And, he's a liar!

You know, you
remember, last year?

He said he was dating
Miranda cosgrove's sister,

and it was pointed out
that she's an only child,

and he just
completely denied it.

That's why it's crazy!

Okay, stop yelling at me!

I don't know why you
have to be so angry!

I'm not, I'm not angry, okay?

I'm just worried.

You're worried about me?

Really.

It doesn't sound like
you're worried about me,

it sounds like you're
jealous or something.

Jealous of who?

I don't know, maybe,
maybe you're jealous of Lou?

Of, of Lou?

Why would I be
jealous of that guy?

Oh, 'cause he can flip
his eyelids inside out?

Or his vast collection
of cargo shorts?

I cannot think of
a single reason

why I would be jealous of him.

Not a one.

Hm.

So, you're saying
you never liked me?

What?

Damien, please just
answer the question.

Did you like me, yes or no?

No, no.

We were always just
friends, you know?

Yeah, well, I really liked you.

What now?

Oh, Erin quit the fucking play.

Yeah, two days before
we're supposed to open.

What?

Life is hard.

He's taking it pretty hard?

Yeah, well, she also dumped him.

So, she's two for two
this fine Wednesday!

This is so
unprofessional of her.

This shit would not
fly on Broadway.

Hollub would be better.

They would take care of this.

I can't, I can't.

Amateurs.

Surrounding me.

Big day today, buddy, huh?

You ready for it?

Yeah.

Whoo!

Sapa-inka, sapa-inka,
sapa-inka, sapa-inka.

- Best night!
- Best night!

- Sapa-inka!
- Sapa-inka!

- Sapa-inka!
- Sapa-inka!

- I am ready!
- I am ready!

- I am focused!
- I am focused!

Hands in, on three, sapa-inka.

Sapa-inka!

♪ Take a seat, take
a seat, take a seat ♪

♪ You're rockin' the boat ♪

♪ Take a seat, take
a seat, take a seat ♪

♪ You're rockin' the boat ♪

♪ Take a seat, take
a seat, take a seat ♪

♪ You're rockin' the boat ♪

♪ Take a seat, take
a seat, take a seat ♪

Nothing wrong with
wanting a little more?

That's the trouble
with you birds.

You always want more.

My aunt once told me something
that I will never forget.

The person you're
married to today

is not the same person
you're married to tomorrow.

Let the chips fall
where they may.

- Hey, my boys!
- Hey.

Come here.

Great job.

That was fantastic.

- That was fantastic!
- Did you see him up there?

Well, no, that's the point.

Exactly.

He's like a freaking ninja.

I mean, it was like
a Broadway show.

- It was.
- I told you, really, it was.

Well, and, you
looked like you were

really enjoying
yourself up there.

You know something?

I kinda did.

Hey, Mr. Cross.

I was just wondering
if you wanted

to come meet my acting coach?

- Uh, yeah, okay.
- Go on, go on.

So where's this
little party of yours?

Plenty mercantile.

Downtown.

Ooh, fancy.

Yeah.

Apparently, Jason's
dad used to be, like,

some hot shot investor.

Really?

Well, you guys try and have fun.

You have fun at frank's.

I'm gonna go home.

- What?
- Yeah, I'm tired,

it's been a long day-

- hey, did you meet
Ms. Scarpinito?

Our drama teacher?

Not yet, no, why?

I, just, thought
you might want to.

She's right next to dad.

Yeah, she, she's, just,
really great and cool too.

That's your drama teacher?

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, everyone's
crazy about her.

Um, well, I will meet her later.

Okay.

You've got a party to get to.

- I do.
- Better grab those flowers.

Someone spent a long
time picking them out.

And her name is mom.

Damien.

Hello.

I just wanted to let you know,

you did a not-awful job tonight.

Oh, thanks.

I didn't think much of you
when we first started out.

In the beginning I, actually,

you'd make me so angry
that I kept hoping

that you'd quit, or fall
into the orchestra pit

and break your leg.

Why are you messing with me?

Hi.

Hi.

Will you get a drink with me?

I saw a bar downstairs.

Please?

I have a surprise for you.

- Sure.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

- Hey, come on in.
- Hey!

Oh, great place!

Thank you.

Hey, everybody, Laurie's here!

Hi.

Hey!

Everybody's here.

Just, go dance.

Oh.

Okay, let's go.

No, I, I'm a terrible dancer.

Hey, why don't go
you dance with Lou?

Yeah, but that would
be, like, really awkward.

Oh, I know.

But, uh, he's a nice guy.

And he never has a mean thing
to say about anybody, right?

It could be a useful
experience to draw from.

If you'll excuse me?

Thank you.

Are you kidding me?

Now I feel like a fool, 'cause
I didn't get you anything.

It's fine.

I just, wanted to thank you.

For everything you've done.

You don't have to
thank me for that.

Yes, I do.

Are you gonna open it?

Or just look at it?

It's a pretty box.

Thanks.

Oh, awesome.

A pen.

- I-
- good job.

It is a pen.

You know, for when you
start writing songs again.

Oh my god.

You hate it.

I'm sorry, that was stupid.

No, no!

Don't feel bad for a second,
I was, no, that's so nice,

are you kidding?

That's like the sweetest thing.

You blew my mind.

Thank you.

Nice.

Look at these guys.

What?

Who wouldn't want that?

That's 40 years and
they're still, you know,

six months into my marriage,

my ex and I couldn't even eat
in the same room together.

You were married?

A lifetime ago.

We were young, and didn't
know or understand anything.

Like anybody at that age,
you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Ah, maybe I'm making excuses.

You know, it's 20 years
later, and honestly,

I still have no
idea what I'm doin'.

Hey, what are you doin'?

What?

Oh, you're gonna
have to wait, bud.

You want me to take her?

Nah, she'll be fine.

I don't mind.

All right.

Be careful.

She's a runner.

Come here.

Hi.

Actually, um-

- have you, have you
started writing songs again?

Ah, maybe a little bit.

That's great!

I dunno.

I just finished up something,

and I have no idea
what to make of it.

It's probably terrible.

Mm, probably not.

And I want to hear it.

No.

You owe me for the pen, so.

- What?
- Mm-hm.

Yeah, you do.

How does that work?

It, it just, that's life, okay?

Come on, you can't
tease me like that.

Excuse me.

Hi, would it be okay if my-

- no no no no-

- would it be okay if my
very talented friend here

played a song on your piano?

Sure.

No.

That was a firm yes.

I can't believe you.

Okay, here we go.

Whew!

Hey, there they are.

Yeah, she kinda
got away from me.

You were warned.

Where is everyone?

Well, they got tired.

They're not like the cool kids.

Ah.

Yeah, well, that tends to
happen when I leave a party.

Clears out.

I should, uh, I should
probably get going too.

Why don't you stay?

Have a drink?

Oh, okay.

- I'm just, I'll be right back.
- Okay.

All right.

This is rough.

Just play it.

♪ Reminding myself to
breathe, wind's blowing ♪

♪ So I look away ♪

♪ Keep thinkin' 'bout
the whole week ♪

♪ Guess I should probably
take it day to day ♪

♪ Let my mind run free ♪

♪ Keep looking for
an opportunity ♪

♪ It's time to finally be me ♪

♪ And I can't let
this go to waste ♪

♪ I've been livin' in a
cycle that I can't escape ♪

♪ I've been trapped
inside my mind ♪

♪ It's like a different place ♪

♪ Holding onto all
the words I'm saying ♪

♪ Here for now, but I
can see the better days ♪

♪ Keep on stressin' 'bout
the future everywhere I go ♪

♪ Gotta let go of the worries
that I can't control ♪

♪ Need to find out where
the light's gone lately ♪

♪ We're all looking
for the sunshine baby ♪

♪ Sittin' back I just think ♪

♪ Right here is
where I need to be ♪

♪ Sometimes it's
like I can't see ♪

♪ All the good things
right in front of me ♪

♪ Life ain't always a breeze ♪

♪ From a dark night
comes another day ♪

♪ Try and just let it be ♪

♪ 'Cause everybody finds a way ♪

♪ I've been livin' in a
cycle that I can't escape ♪

♪ I've been trapped
inside my mind ♪

♪ It's like a different place ♪

♪ Holding onto all
the words I'm saying ♪

♪ Here for now, but I
can see the better days ♪

♪ Keep on stressin' 'bout
the future everywhere I go ♪

♪ Gotta let go of the worries
that I can't control ♪

♪ Need to find out where
the light's gone lately ♪

♪ We're all looking
for the sunshine baby ♪

♪ We're all looking
for the sunshine baby ♪

Thank you.

Cheers.

You okay?

I can't.

Laurie?

Yeah, I'm still working on it.

That was beautiful.

I'm so sorry.

Okay.

You let Damien
come home by himself?

No, he disappeared.

He's a big boy.

What's that?

Oh, that?

Robin gave me this as a
gift to say thank you.

She's very pretty.

- What?
- Robin.

Hardly what I would call
regular, average, normal.

She's very attractive.

Gorgeous, even.

Your point being?

You never noticed that before?

I suppose I did.

You never mentioned it?

Well I also noticed
how much frank's breath

smelled like cucumbers
this morning,

which I guess comes
from that vape

I saw him puffing on, but, hey,

I didn't mention that either.

Okay, Phil.

I'm going to bed.

Everything went back to normal

shortly after that.

Oh, but
there's no almond butter.

You just go to the
store and get it.

No, no, I ordered almond butter.

In may, mom and dad celebrated

their 16th anniversary.

Hi.

What's goin' on?

Why don't you come
sit down with us?

Is everything okay?

Is it something with grandpa?

No!

No no no, sweetie.

Grandpa's fine.

Uh, so, you probably
noticed that your father

and I haven't been getting
along so well for some time now?

Well yeah, you
guys like to argue.

I'm used to it.

You should ask my
teachers, I'm the same way.

It's part of our DNA.

It's, uh, it's a little
more complicated than that.

What, what do you mean?

So we've been talking,
and, we think it's best

if we took some time apart.

What?

Yeah, I found a place
in woodside, and, uh,

there's a room
for you of course.

It's got a pool.

And I'm gonna be movin' there.

It's gonna be okay.

We did not come to
this decision lightly.

We've been talking
about it for a while.

Wait, are you guys
getting a divorce?

- Well, we're not-
- yes.

Yeah.

Haven't been happy
for a long time.

This won't be easy for
anyone, we think in general,

in the long run, believe me
this is not what we wanted,

I promise you.

Why'd you guys even get
married in the first place?

Well, Damien-

- because, because we
loved each other, sweetie.

Bullshit.

Damien!

May third, 2004.

That is when you got married.

Not 2003.

I found your marriage license.

What?

You were pregnant,
that's why you got married!

Oh, honey no.

You guys lied to me.

- Honey, just, Damien-
- I, I hate you!

Damien!

Could you please come back here?

- Honey, come here.
- No, I don't care!

I don't care!

We can explain, we can explain!

They're getting divorced.

Oh.

I, um, I'll be right back, 'Kay?

Adnan's missed you.

Why am I surprised?

It's like, I knew
this was gonna happen.

No, you didn't know.

Yeah, I did.

I was like, I wanted this.

No, you didn't.

Why'd I say it then?

Sometimes we say things
we don't really mean

to make us feel better.

You're my best
friend, you know that?

Yeah, you're my best friend too.

I'm really sorry.

Yeah?

For what?

Everything!

For being a jerk and
for lying to you?

I knew what you
were talking about.

I just, I was scared and
then you were with Lou,

and I was, I was jealous.

And I was angry,
I'm really sorry.

You're the last person
I want to make angry.

Adnan's watching.

God, damn you.

Yeah?

Hey.

I don't hate you guys.

We know.

Can we come in?

Look, honey, we're sorry.

We were gonna
tell you eventually.

But it's no excuse
for us lying to you.

Open it.

You see that?

That little circular
blobby thingy?

That's you.

Look at the date.

May second, 2004.

What happened the next day?

You got hitched.

Mm-hm.

Yes, we got married.

So, what?

So, what?

Damien, it takes me an hour
to order an appetizer, okay?

How long do you think it
took me to pick out a ring?

I dunno.

Like, two months.

He already had the ring, honey.

Your mom was going abroad,

and we had this whole
going-away party planned,

and I was going to
ask her that night.

And I definitely
would have said yes.

Listen to me.

This, this changed nothing.

We were going to get
married regardless.

You have to understand.

We were crazy about
each other then.

I promise you.

Like, before your dad, I
had dated a lot of jerks.

Lunatics, really.

And then we met,
and we just clicked.

I mean, we were
so good together.

We were so happy.

And, honestly, I thought it
was so perfect back then.

And, of course, I was
very wrong about that.

Because, because
that's when you came.

And that was when I
was like, okay, this,

this is what perfect is.

And you were such a good baby.

Oh my god.

The best.

Like, all the other
parents were jealous.

After six weeks you were already
sleeping through the night.

Which is not normal.

No.

To the point that it
freaked us out, and we would,

like, get up in the
middle of the night

to check on you to make
sure you were still alive.

And then we would
just sit in your room,

and stare at you
until the sun came up.

And things were great.

For a long time.

People change.

And, I don't-

- you, you know,

just 'cause you
feel a certain way

about somebody, doesn't
mean you're always gonna

feel that way.

You just have to remember to-

- enjoy it.

- Yeah.
- While it lasts.

But we don't want you thinking
that we were never happy,

or that, you know, we
never loved each other?

Because I swear to you,
that couldn't be further

from the truth.

But just in case
there's any doubts.

Phil, you
ready for the big reveal?

Yeah.

What do you think?

What, what?

Don't laugh.

You look great.

Honey, we just have
to do your hair.

No, what do you mean?

Listen, I like to go all out!

Is it good?

- It's incredible!
- I forgot the tutu.

Road trip!

- Look!
- What are you doing?

Is it dada?

Ah, who's that handsome boy?

Who's that handsome boy?

He's perfect.

Hi, perfect, hello.

He said, don't kiss me, daddy.

Papa, papa, give me a kiss.

You make him.

No, give it to me.

You know what?

I'm always on camera.

Why don't you get on camera?

I'm not shy.

Oh really?

That is not funny.

A few weeks later,

we came across frank.

He seemed in good spirits.

Not bad, right?

Ms. Scarpinito resigned
and moved to Los Angeles

to give acting another shot.

She was replaced by Mrs. Swobel.

Much to the dismay
of the student body.

I alternate back and
forth between my parents,

which is an adjustment, but
I try to make the best of it.

Okay.

All right.

- I love you, buddy.
- I love you too.

Be safe.

Will do.

'Kay, you ready to help me out?

- Gimme a hand here.
- Let's do it.

Thankfully, some
things haven't changed.

Erin and I are
still best friends.

Look, I'm under
no delusions here.

I know the odds of us staying
together forever aren't great.

I mean, let's face it,
relationships are not easy.

There's just about a
million different things

that can go wrong.

So I'm not gonna
worry about that.

Instead, I'm just gonna try
and enjoy it while it lasts.