Original subtitles

- EDMUND: One last bag.

- NORA: Come on, Edmund, let's go!

- EDMUND: Okay, okay!

[sighs] My entire life in...

a Kia Soul?

- Honda Fit. It's a Honda Fit.

- But seriously, Nora,

thank you for coming on this journey with me.

- Of course, dude.

I'm really excited about it, actually.

Just me and you on the open road together.

Oh, and I got a surprise for us.

- What is it? - I'll give you a hint.

- [Nora pees]

- Are you...peeing? - Yes.

- Into a catheter?

- No! It's a-- - [pop]

- --funnel attached to a CamelBak.

- Nora, we don't need pee or poop containers, okay?

- Why not?

- It's a 45-hour drive. We're gonna make stops.

- No, we're not gonna make stops.

I came prepared, baby girl. Check this out.

[gulps]

- Are you--are you drinking gasoline?

- I'm not drinking gasoline.

I'm siphoning it like they do in the country.

Uh oh.

- [radio playing]

- What? - Swallowed it.

- Nora, go get water!

- No, I'm not getting water! I'm buckled in!

- Well, then, unbuckle and go into the house!

- I don't want to unbuckle 'cuz I already have the--

the thing in my butthole!

- Can you just fucking drive?

- ♪

♪♪

- [glam music]

- [laughs] O-M-G. LA, baby!

Wow, it is the middle of January

and it's 70 degrees out and sunny!

And everyone here is hot!

Yeah, I think I'm gonna like it here.

Okay, take a photo. Nora, can you step out?

- What? I wanna be in it, too.

- I hope you two lovebirds enjoy your stay.

- We're cousins. - Thanks--what?

- Oh, uh, my bad. I just sort of assumed--

- Yeah, well, you assumed wrong.

Okay, we are not lovers. That is disgusting.

- [gasps] - Okay.

- [door shuts]

- Why do people keep assuming that?

- Why did you have to be so harsh about that?

- Of us being lovers? - Edmund, listen.

Let's cut through the bullshit real quick.

If you had to choose...

any cousin...

...who would it be?

- Oh my god. I guess...Albert.

- Albert? He looks like a pineapple!

- What? - A wonky little bitch. Albert!

- Nora, he donated his kidney to you.

- Oh, he has a martyr complex. All right?

- Nora, just shut the hell up for one second

and look at this view! I mean, why are we bickering?

We should be going out and exploring the city!

- I--I have a personality too.

- EDMUND: Stop it. - NORA: I'm an ENFP.

- ♪ I don't know what you're saying ♪

♪ I don't know what you're saying ♪

- EDMUND: Oh my god, oh my god, the Hollywood sign.

- NORA: Where? - EDMUND: Over there--

Turn to the right. - NORA: Where?

- ♪ Womp, womp, womp, womp, sounds to me-- ♪

- NORA: Oh, look, Mel-ROSE!

- EDMUND: Why are you saying it like that?

- NORA: Let's get some souvenirs!

- EDMUND: Wait, let's get bulgogi!

- NORA: "Bul-go-gi"

- EDMUND: Okay, we get it. You're Korean.

- Yes. That Johnny Depp impersonator was so good.

- Nora, that wasn't a Johnny Depp impersonator, okay?

That was a random drunk dude who you woke up.

- Where are we going next, though?

Ripley's Believe It or Not?

The Rock Hard Café? - The Rock Hard Café?

- Bird park?

- I'm going to an improv class across town.

But it's gonna take me an hour and forty minutes to get there.

- That's cool. I'll come with you.

I'll drive you. - No, that's okay.

I think I'm gonna Commutez it

because you make U-turns with one finger

and you almost killed us at a basic left turn.

- How am I supposed to know when to go?

It's like a gauntlet of death.

- You're supposed to just intuit the spaces

in between the incoming cars and make the left turn!

- No. - Look, just stay here, okay?

And, I don't know, explore or go to the pool or something, okay?

I have to go and become an actor.

Take care. I'll catch you later, okay, Nor?

- Bye.

- [door opens and shuts]

- ♪

- GRANDMA ON PHONE: So, where's Edmund?

- Thank you.

Uh, he's at an acting class.

He's, uh...he's made, like, eight friends already.

He's doing well.

- GRANDMA: Oh, that's good! What about you?

Have you made any friends lately?

- Met a guy down at the Carl's Jr.

But, uh...I'm just lone-wolfing it.

- Well, be safe and have fun. And say hi to Brenda!

- Hi, Nora! - Oh, hey, Brenda!

- Brenda is going to be around more,

so I wanted to show her the Chinese ropes!

- Sweet. - Yeah, and she gave to me

these lovely compression socks. And we're making jook now.

- NORA: Nice. - Yeah,

I hope I don't mess it up.

- Oh, don't worry. It's impossible to mess up jook.

I mixed it with a shit twig before.

- A what?

- Ah, a twig with a little bit of shit on it.

- BRENDA: Like poop?

- Ah, Nora, I'll call you back later.

- Bye! - BRENDA: Bye, Nora!

- Bye, Brenda! Bye.

- [three beeps to end call]

- Sorry. I couldn't help but eavesdrop.

I think it's really sweet that you still talk to your grandma.

Where is she? Bangkok?

- Queens, New York, East Coast, yeah.

- I miss Queens.

I moved here from New York a few years ago.

- Oh, cool. - God damn, I do not regret it.

- You like LA that much better, huh?

- Kidding me? The weather, the people,

not having to live in a windowless sub-basement.

I once had a studio in the West Village.

Guess what the square footage was?

Guess!

- 500?

- 5. - What?!

- Yeah.

I will never forget this one Christmas.

I was so broke from paying NYC rent,

I couldn't afford to go home.

I sit on my Murphy bed wrong and it folded so violently,

it was like I stapled myself to myself.

- Ouch. Wow-wouch.

- That was a brutal winter, too. Girl, I died.

- Girl, what do you mean?

- So a pipe burst, right? My place fills with water,

and I literally freeze to death in that Murphy bed.

I reanimate come May, and get this!

Went to work that day! That's New York.

- Oh my. Oh, I'm so sorry

for your...loss, your, but--

- Thank you so much. - Yeah.

- I mean, that in itself should be reason for you to stay.

- Not really, 'cuz that's kind of a specific situation.

- Are you gonna finish that?

- Did you--you can have some, if you want.

- Oh no, I'm all right.

I just wanted to know if-- if you were gonna finish it.

- Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

- Like, all the fruit too?

- Probably not the lime, but--

- Oh.

- BRENDA: This is so exciting.

Really, all the crazy concepts and ingredients

and then--and then that.

- You never seen a geoduck before?

- Um, no, I haven't.

- GRANDMA: Oh, it is a delicacy.

- Kind of reminds me of my ex.

- Oh? How so?

- He's very pale, and just sits there, uh...

Well, what do--what do we do with that guy now?

- Well, now we take it out of the shell,

and then we saw it and cut it into bits,

and then we throw it into the pot.

- Wow.

- I feel like Lorena Bobbit.

- BOTH: [laugh]

- ♪

- Just smile.

I'm sorry, not to-- not to be that guy,

but smile, okay? - Okay.

- [phone vibrates]

- Nora? - Edmund?

- EDMUND: Hey! Are you okay?

- Are you out right now? Why didn't you invite me?

- EDMUND: What? I totally did.

Oh, wait, no I didn't. But do you wanna come?

- NORA: Yes! Yes, Edmund, I wanna come.

- If you're gonna invite your aunt, she has to be on the list.

- EDMUND: Nora, I don't think I can get you in, okay?

I'm with my improv friends and they're so cool.

I don't wanna piss them off.

- NORA: Okay. This just sucks.

I don't know what to do with myself out here.

- Nora, when are you going back to Queens?

- NORA: What is that supposed to mean?

- I just assumed you were going home soon.

- Well, I'm so, so sorry if I'm bogging you down.

How do you know LA isn't my holy land either?

- Because you can't live on your own, Nora.

Everyone knows that.

- Who's everyone?

- I know you wanna find meaning like the rest of us,

but you just don't actually try.

- I--I try.

- What are the things that you're actually going to

get up and fight for?

If you don't know, you're just gonna keep getting lost.

- ♪

- EDMUND: Hello? Are you still there?

- NORA: Yes. Yeah, I'm still here.

Um...I'm kind of tired,

so I think I'm just gonna...lie down.

- You've been jilling off all day, haven't you?

- I haven't been doing that all day.

But, um, have fun out, and um, I'll see you later.

- Love you, Nora. - I love you too, Edmund.

- [three beeps to end call]

- ♪

- [melancholy music]

- GPS: Navigating to Queens, New York.

- Should we go check on that?

- Oh, oh, no, no, no, it's good. - Okay.

- GRANDMA: Now, this is traditional Chinese medicine

and herbs.

- BRENDA: Wow. - GRANDMA: Uh-huh.

We have here Chinese dried yams.

Oh, yum. - I love yams.

- And we got, uh, lotus seeds.

Uh-huh. There.

Now, this is my most prized possession--

a miracle sent from the skies.

- Aw, what does it-- what does that do?

- It's for bruises and shit.

It is called dit da jow. Dit da jow.

- "--eye do."

- Yeah, "jiu" is liquor. - And then do you drink it?

- No! It'll kill ya. - Oh.

- ♪

- NORA: Hey, Grandma, it's Nora.

I'm driving home now, so, uh, I'll see you soon.

- [car powers down]

- [engine stalls]

- NORA: Oh, shit! Oh! Oh.

- ♪

- Wake up!

- Not loud enough.

When Wally falls asleep on long car trips,

you have to really get in there. Try again.

- Okay.

- ♪

- Wake up! - I barely heard that!

The car is careening into the guardrail!

We're flipping over!

- Wake up, you stupid son of a bitch!

- Good. You're learning.

- [sighs] - BOTH: [laugh]

- Excuse me? Sir? Hi.

My--my car broke down and, uh, my phone's dead.

I'm wondering do you know where we are.

- You're in New Mexico.

- Oh, Aunt Sandra lives here.

Do you, um--do you know if there's, like,

a cult commune around here?

- You mean those freaks who live in the woods?

- Yes, yes! Them. - I'll draw you a map.

- Oh, that'd be lovely. Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

- [radio plays country music]

- There you go.

- Thank you.

It's just a--a straight line going up to a peanut.

- That's a death skull. - NORA: Oh, great.

- That connotes the commune, which is straight up that road.

- You could've just tol--told me that.

- Mm-hmm.

- Thank you.

- Watch out for coyotes.

- Oh, yes, I will. Love them.

- [coyote howls]

- Where the hell am I?

- ♪

- Oh, shit.

- Hello. Are you lost?

- Um, no. Uh, yes, a little.

- Are you here to cause trouble?

- No, no. No, I'm not.

I'm not here to cause any trouble.

I'm just--I'm looking for someone.

- Who do you seek?

- I don't know her hippie name.

- Widdle her! - GROUP: Mm-hmm.

- No, no, no, no, no, no! - Yeah.

- Don't--don't widdle me! Don't nod to that!

I'm looking for, uh, my aunt Sandra.

We're related. - Did she say Sandra?

- Should we tell Mistress Jupiter?

- What's happening?

Are you Nora?

- Yes. Yes!

- Nora! Sandra's told me all about you.

But she said that you were severely cock-eyed.

- I have a slight astigmatism.

- And you have a little tail?

- No, that's my cousin--Edmund has a tail.

He's--I have just flat skin.

- Oh.

- Nora, it's so wonderful to finally meet you.

Let's hug, breast to breast!

- Okay.

- [whimsical music]

- Yeah, that's definitely nipple contact.

- [birds chirping]

- Mm!

So, here at the Union of Seven Moons,

we're living off the land.

We build our own houses.

We make our own clothes.

We're completely self-sufficient.

- Hm, sounds like one of those, like,

Netflix documentary hippie cults.

- It's not a cult. [laughing]

No, we don't--we don't--

[sternly] We don't use that word.

It's more of a place to, uh, sort of understand the world

through reflection of the self.

- What do you mean, the self?

- Well, haven't you ever wondered, Nora,

who you really are?

I mean, why you're here? What you life's purpose is?

- Yes, at times I've had these thoughts, yeah.

- [laughs] I see conflict in your eyes.

I see chaos and confusion, Nora.

- I don't want to be a loser.

Someone who has nothing to fight for.

I had, um...some bird shit in my hair for, like...a month.

- That's good luck.

- Right, but I just wanted to be cognizant of it

and get it out, you know?

- Well, here at the Union, we define our own success.

Here, you are a star

in a constellation.

Want some leaf branch?

Yeah, yeah, try it. It's good.

- Mm, mm...mm-hmm.

- [gentle Chinese erhu music plays]

- So, this is an erhu.

A traditional Chinese fiddle.

- Wow, I didn't know your family was so musical.

- We're not. I just ordered it from Amazon.

- [the Erhu squeaking]

- I think it sounds like shit.

- PHOBOS: Today, the Union of Seven Moons welcomes Nora.

- ALL: Dum vivimus vivamus!

- Cheers.

- We usually begin our welcome feasts

with a short spiritual exercise.

Without thinking, say one word

that describes your internal pendulum at this very moment.

- Hmm-- - PHOBOS: Don't hesitate, Nora.

- Horn. - I love that.

- [all agree]

- Wow, uh...is this like a--like a miso starter soup?

- No, no, no.

This is wine we make from our own summer squash.

- And eagle semen. - Mm.

- We call it nature drip here.

- We only consume all-natural products straight from the land.

It's better for your soul and your sexual health.

Like...

how old do you think I am?

- Thirty...four? Thirty-four?

- I'm 19 years old.

- NORA: 'Cuz there's a bit of a backlight.

It's a covered bridge, so there's a bit of a shadow.

Just, you know, it's golden hour.

If you don't mind, I'm gonna reach into the bird here.

Well--ooh.

Mm, mm-hmm.

It's a big-old chicken.

- Oh, that's not chicken.

- Turkey? - No.

- Quail? - Keep guessing.

- You know what? I don't-- - It's a penguin!

He died of natural causes in 2002.

- 2002?

- Do you want some sriracha? Homemade.

- What--what do you make that with?

- Oh, that's a rat.

- Yeah, I'm going to just do the bread.

- ♪

- Oh my goodness, this is so good!

I don't get it.

How did you get all this flavor in there?

- It's the twig!

And the 30 hours of slow-cooking.

- You know, I'm really enjoying spending this time with you.

- Good. I'm glad you like it.

- You know, it reminds me of the time

my mom would take me to the movies.

We'd sneak in and see "Casablanca"

on the classic movie night.

- My mom used to take me to the movies too.

- Oh!

- Well, not movies. Live theater.

- Oh, wow!

- Well, not live theater.

Public executions. - Huh?

- You know, after they cut off a head, the tongue, eyes,

and mouth still move.

It does like this.

Because the nerves don't shut off.

- Strange. - GRANDMA: Yeah.

You want some more? - No, I'm good, I'm good.

- [owl hoots]

- [water dripping]

- [knocking at door]

- NORA: Come in.

- Mistress Jupiter wanted me to tell you that noctis

is happening now. Would you like to join?

- Oh, uh, what is--what is noctis?

- Naked, we form a 43-person human pyramid and we release.

- Oh, like--like tension?

- Yes, that as well. - Oh, uh-huh.

Um, I would love to, but I'm super tired.

I think I'm just gonna lie down. Um, question though.

Have you seen a tow truck driver

carrying a red Honda Fit with flame decals on the door?

- Actually, an outside gentleman did approach me with keys

to that exact motor vehicle.

- Oh, yes, thank you!

- Will you be leaving us?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Do you guys, do you have a phone charger, though?

'Cuz my phone died on the way. [laughs nervously]

- Nora, we don't have those poisons here.

- Look, what--what kind of poisons? Uh...

- The Union rejects technology and the ills that come with it.

Think about what that phone brings you.

Constantly comparing yourself to others,

searching for validation.

When you have that thing on, what are you doing?

- I actually never thought about it like that.

It's real. Yeah.

- Well, if you change your mind, noctis is happening in the barn.

We always let new guests get the middle bottom.

It's the best spot!

- [chuckles] Mm.

It's delicious down there.

Thank you for the keys.

- [door shuts]

- Oh, shit, is that a mongoose?

- [mongoose trills]

- ♪

♪♪

- MAN: Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?

- ♪

- MAN: ♪ MTV ♪

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