All language subtitles for 9a19d7a68661c06253ca3bd512ad002eff0c19a7bd2b53c489521673193d41d9358480037fbd5fa61e7afe65cd23fde321de0d67e079bcb7ba2d79ad23f2

(upbeat music)

(car engine revving)

(screeching and loud bang)

(car engine hissing)

(Playful music)

- Bought it.

- I thought I had too.

- Wanted 15 quid for it.

- 15 quid?

- Yeah, but I got it for 12.

- You were robbed.

- Oh come on dad, it's not bad.

Look it's taxed till the end of the month.

(humorous music)

- It'll never make it.

(dramatic music)

Look at that tyre.

- It's got a spare.

(Playful music)

Just needs a little oil on it.

- Try paraffin.

- Paraffin?

- About 40 gallons all
over it and a match.

(gentle music)

(gentle dramatic music)

- Daddy, we're being polluted again.

- Well, they're moving.

They've got to get rid of their rubbish.

- But don't they realise
what they're doing

to the environment?

The whole atmosphere is
being polluted and poisoned.

- I know it's shocking.

- In 50 years time,

the earth will be finished, inhabitable.

Our whole atmosphere destroyed.

Well, doesn't it worry you?

- Yes, yes of course it worries me.

- Then do something.

- What can I do?

- Go next door and tell them.

- Tell them what?

- To put their bonfire out.

- No.

- Well, Miss Wentworth
says that if people-

- I don't care Miss Wentworth says.

I am not gonna to have
a row with my neighbours

just to please you and
your biology mistress.

- Oh that's typical of your generation.

You don't care because you won't be here,

but you're killing my generation.

Mankind is doomed, daddy.

I am slowly being murdered.

- Well come here I'll hurry it up a bit.

- All right, if you won't
go, I'll ask mummy to go.

Where is she?

- Now, were would your mother
be on a Saturday afternoon?

(people chattering)

- Well, I don't know, Betty.

What do you think?

- I don't know about fish.

I know that stuffed birds are popular.

- That's not stuffed love.

- Isn't it?

- It's plaster not worth a light.

- Well, I know that
stuffed birds are worth-

- Ah birds.

Birds is different,
especially stuffed owls.

That's not an owl, is it?

That's a fish and they
ain't never stuffed.

I mean how could you stuff a fish?

(lady laughing)

- No, I suppose you're right.

- That's plaster love.

- Oh thank you for telling us.

(people chattering)

- How much do you have it at reverend?

(reverend laughing)

- One pound.

- I'll give you 10 bob.

- Very well then.

- Jean, what do you think?

- You mean for us?

- Oh no, for my Trevor.

- How's it going?

- Hello Trevor, you're just in time.

- Honestly mate, I don't know how

you've manage without me.

When's the shed coming?

- Next week.

(Trevor laughing)

- I could do with the shed and all.

Look, you can't get into
our garage for clutter.

- Ours is the same.

- I don't know where it all comes from.

-Ido.

Bloody jumble sales.

(laughing)

- Never mind, when Betty
and Jean get their stall,

perhaps you'll be able
to get rid of some of it.

- Get their what?

- Their stall.

They're looking for a stall in the market.

- You're joking.

- I am not.

I'm surprised Jean
hasn't told you about it.

- Not a word, not a single word.

- I wonder why.

- Because she knows I won't
stand for it, that's why.

- Look, there's no harm in it.

- I will not have my wife standing

in the gutter flogging a
load of rubbish off a batter.

- It's a stall Sid, an indoor stall.

They'll be selling antiques.

- Antiques?

My aunt Fannie antiques.

What do they know about antiques?

- I'll take it.

Thank you.

- How much is this, love?

- Oh, I'm not sure about that dear,

but my daughter won't be long.

She's just gone for a tea.

- Well, shove it on one
side for me, will you?

- Yes, all right dear.

- Here's your tea, mother.

- Oh thank you, dear, thank you, lovely.

- Here hold this.

- How much is it?

- 50 pence.

- I'll take it.

- Thank you.

- Here, where's my jerry?

- I don't think I know him madam,

is he in my pack?

- Oh no, no.

The pot, the chamber pot.

- Oh, it's been sold.

- I told that old girl
to put it aside for me.

- That old girl as you call
her, happens to be my mother.

- Look, I don't care whose mother she is.

She had no right to sell my pot.

- Madam, will you keep your voice down.

- Don't you madam me, I want my po.

- Here, we're not doing bad, are we?

We'll soon have enough to start.

- And Annie next door's having a sort out.

She says she'll give us some stuff.

- Stuff?

What stuff?

- Some stuff I promised
Jean for her stall.

- Everybody seems to
know about this but me.

- Well take it off me, Sid.

- She's not definite you know,

she might not open one.

- Of course, she will, I know Jean.

She makes her mind up to
do something, she does it.

Don't go, there's some more yet.

- I reckon Tom tried to burn it.

- I reckon Tom's a good judge.

- Yeah.

- Here we are Sid.

- What is it?

- It's an elephant's foot.

- Where's the rest of him?

- Don't ask her, she might give it to you.

- Sid, there.

I've got some more stuff.

I've got some more stuff indoors,

if you'd like to come in for it.

- Thank you very much, I'll tell her.

- We're off on Monday,

New people are coming in on Tuesday.

You haven't met them yet, have you?

- No, what are they like?

- Ah she's awfully sweet, you'll like her.

- What about him?

- Oh he's all right.

- What does he do?

- He's a civil servant or something.

He's all right.

- You keeps saying he's all right,

what's wrong with him?

- Nothing.

He's all right.

Just a bit pompous.

- Pompous.

- Between you and me, Sid,

he's a bit of a big head.

- He sounds lovely.

- I'm sorry we're going, really.

- Yeah, I am too.

- Anyway, you'll have to
come down to Bournemouth

and see us.

- We'll do that.

I don't like the sound of that fella.

- No, I can't see him helping
you with your concrete.

(Trevor laughing)

(loud thud)

(Sid laughing)

- I've always got you, haven't I?

(Sid laughing)

- Sid, Sid, where are you?

- Over here.

(dramatic music)

- Sid, help.

- Sit down.
- Sid.

- No, sit down.

That's it, there we are.

Hold that.

(Playful music)

Good, just a minute.

There we are.

- What's the idea?

- Stay there til it sets

we'll use you for a garden gnome.

(Sid laughing)

- Here, have a look at this.

(laughing)

- Looks pretty terrible.

- Who's is that?

- Bye love.

- Bye love.

- No, it's a gas.

Well, of course it needs
a bit of work done on it.

Yeah, I'm just going up the
brakes yard to get a few spares.

I'll pick you up on the way, right?

Okay then, bye.

- Sid, who's is that dreadful car outside?

- Mike, he just bought it.

- Sid, he hasn't.

- Yes he has.

- Well, why didn't you stop him?

- How can I stop him?

I didn't know it was his,
till he turned up in it.

- Well, you should have gone with him.

Looked at it.

Well, I'm not having it
stuck outside the house.

It looks awful.

- Wait until you hear it.

(loud bang)

(engine spluttering)

(loud banging)

- Where's he going in it?

- How do I know where he's going in it?

Would you mind telling me,

what you intend doing with all this junk?

- It was a bargain.

(orchestral music)

Hasn't it got a beautiful tone?

- You think I don't know don't you?

- Know what dear?

- About this stall you
think you're going to open.

- Who told you?

Nevermind who told me, I know

and I'm not having it and that is final.

- There is no need to shout.

We don't want the whole
neighbourhood to know.

- The neighbourhood already knows,

contributions have been
pouring in all day.

They're emptying the trash bins for us.

Look at this, look at this mess

and you have got the cheek
to complain about his banger.

- I suppose Trevor told you.

I asked Betty not to say anything.

- It doesn't matter who told me, I know

and I'm not having it and that is that.

- Just wait till I see that Trevor.

- Here, is this for me?

- Not if you're gonna
roll about in cement.

- Look I didn't roll in it, I told you,

(fabric screeching)

I slipped.

- I don't understand it,

why does everybody else
have to know and not me?

- Because I knew you'd make a fuss.

You always do.

- But there's no need for
you to go to work, is there?

- It's not work.

It's just something to
get me out of the house.

- And while you're out of the house,

who's going to do the cooking?

- Well, you're not helpless.

Look it's only a couple of days a week.

It's my hobby Sid.

Something for me to do,
now what's wrong with that?

- It's degrading.

- How can it be degrading?

I'm only selling things.

You're a salesman yourself.

You sell stationary.

All daylong you're selling paperclips

and drawing pins and..

- I never sell anything like that, do I?

(pinging)

- I can not see any
difference between that

and a drawing pin.

- You would if you sat on one.

(Sid laughing)

(dramatic music)

_ SIOP-

- Oh hello Sally.

- Mr. Hobbs, don't burn that chair please.

You don't realise what it means to us all.

- Oh I'm sorry.

You have it by all means.

I've got a pair of old boots too.

- Mr Hobbs, don't you
realise what you're doing?

(roaring plane)

In 50 years time the
earth will be finished.

- There's no need to thank
me my dear, you have it.

- Ever since we got married,
it's always been the same.

Every idea I get you squash.

You've squashed all of
the initiative out of me.

All you want is to drudge.

That's all you think of me as,

someone to have to wash and iron

and then clean up after you all and cook.

- All right, open it.

- No wonder there's a
woman's liberation movement.

No wonder, for two pins
I'd join it myself.

- I said open it.

- Open what?

- That stall that you're on about.

- You mean you don't mind?

- No.

- Oh darling.

- Just a minute, providing you stop asking

all our neighbours for their rubbish.

I mean it's humiliating isn't it?

They'll think we're paupers.

- Mr. Hobbes said you might
get a few pence for this mommy.

- Oh my God, look at that.

They'll be handing me
down their old suits next.

- Well he did say he
had a pair of old boots.

- That's it, that does it.

- Where are you going?

- To tell him what he can
do with his old boots.

- Oh well of course if
you don't want them.

- Don't want them?

(Sid chuckling)

Course I want them, come in.

- Well l-

- No, no I wasn't talking
about these old boots.

No, I was talking about Mike's boot.

- Mike's old boot?

- Yes, on his car, it's in
a shocking state, all rusty.

But these, these are lovely old boots.

- It's very kind of you Lenny.

- They're cavalry boots.

- Yes.

- Tom's grandfather
wore them at Balaklava.

- Balaklava, that old hey?

I'd never have guessed that Balaclava,

makes him sort of antiques doesn't it?

I mean, these could be very
valuable couldn't they?

- They come up beautifully
when they're polished.

- Well an easy job for Sid.

There you are dear.

- Thank you darling.

- Yes well, I'll give them a rub over.

Sal, give me that while I'm at it,

I'll see if I can fix the chair as well.

Thank you very much , you're very kind.

- Oh you're welcome.

(gentle music)

- No thanks, I've been.

- Sid, I've been looking
it up in this book.

It really is Georgian.

- Make a great flower pot.

- It was a bargain.

- Good.

- 2oo years old and only 5o p's.

- Only 50 rfs?

They must have kept it hidden away.

(Sid laughing)

(church bells tolling in the distance)

(loud bang)

(engine spluttering)

(engine revving)

- (indistinct) Turn it off,

trying to get some sleep,

so is everybody else, you twit.

Pack it in.

- That bloody well hurt.

- It was bloody meant to.

- Sid stop using that
language, it's Sunday.

- I know it's Sunday

and we're entitled to a bit of a lie in.

- Come back to bed then.

- No, he spoilt it.

One of these days, I'm going to kill him.

If the neighbours don't get him first.

What are you doing up?

- I have a great deal to do today.

- You kids amaze me.

Every weekday, you gotta
be blown out of bed

with dynamite.

On a Sunday when you can have a lie in

you're up at the crack.

- I can't waste time in bed, whilst people

are destroying our environment.

- Your brother is not exactly
helping it with that car.

- It's not Mike's fault.

You know, he hasn't got much money.

He's only got his student's grant.

- Here we go again.

When I was his age believe me-

- Oh I know daddy, but
that was a long time ago.

People didn't have cars
then, they used donkeys.

- Thank you.

- Anyway, he's giving me a lift.

- Where to?

- The Junior Anti-Pollution League.

I'm on the executive committee.

- Oh, that's nice.

- Not of course that you'd be interested.

- Who said I wasn't interested?

Even old twits can get polluted you know?

As a matter of fact,

I'm very interested in the
problems of our environment.

- Oh good, then come along
to the meeting with me.

- Right.

No, I can't today I promise to help

Trevor clear out his drains.

- Oh, I'm sure that's much more important.

(upbeat music)

(loud banging)

(Sid coughing)

- Where's Sally gone?

- To an anti-pollution meeting.

(Sid coughing)

- When you gonna open the stall then?

- Seeing about it tomorrow.

- Thank god for that.

Where's the sugar?

- Under there.

- Marvellous.

- It's only there while Sid
and Jean tidy up the garage.

(gentle upbeat music)

- Five years in art college

and he comes up with that.

- Well it's not finished yet.

How can you tell?

- 'Cause he said so.

He's got to finish it today.

It's finals.

- Just a minute, be careful
what you do with that funnel.

- I thought it was for
filling the lawnmower.

- No, the green ones for the lawn mower.

- This one is for me wine.

I should be very glad
when I get my shed up

and I'm not having any
of this rubbish in it.

- But it's your rubbish.

- Mine?

What's mine in here?

- The lawn mower.

- It is not my lawn mower,
it's the family lawn mower.

You just happen to think it's mine,

because I'm the only
one who cuts the grass.

- Well, what about all this wine?

- A few bottles of homemade wine.

What else?

Go on, what else?

- This isn't my rubbish.

- No, you've shoved all yours next door.

Cor blimey look at the time,

they'll be open in five minutes.

- Sid you're supposed to
be helping me tidy up.

- Yeah, well when I get back.

- The pub won't run away Sid.

It'll still be there in half an hour.

- Yes well, I have to
see an Australian fella.

I might get an order from him.

See you later.

Ta ta.

- Well, that can be slung out for a start.

(crashing metal)

(gentle music)

- I said you can give
me one of three cars.

I'll have an E type JAG,
a Bentley, or a Mercedes,

otherwise you can stuff yourjob there.

- You're right mate, you
gotta stand up for yourself.

- Yeah.

- Have another beer.

- No, no, no, I'll get them.

Elma, three large scotches.

- Oh Sid, I've got something for you.

- It's exactly the same with Alpha,

they wanted me to open
our Melbourne branch

and that more or less means
taking over Australia.

- And you'd do well out there Sid.

Now you're the sort of bloke they like.

- There you are, no good to us,

I thought Jean might get a few bob for it.

- So my wife, she collects for charity.

- Yes Sid, I understand.

- Alma, you got a bit of paper?

No, no I mean to wrap
it up, oh cor blimey.

- The new people are supposed
to be taking the stair carpet.

It's no good to us in the bungalow.

- It's a nice carpet.

- We're only asking 40 pounds for it

and he's haggling other that.

- Well, what can you
get 4o pounds nowadays?

- Well that's what I've told him,

it's only been down 18 months.

- Hey what's she like?

- Well she's nice enough,
it's him I can't stick.

Come on.

(laughing)

- ls there anything else you don't want?

- We're not taking that,
if you have any use for it.

- Oh yes.

- How much did you pay for it?

- Oh, you can have it.

We have no room for it and
I'm not leaving it for them.

- Here hold this.

- You'll need a screwdriver.

It's pretty well fixed in.

- I'll get Sid to help me after dinner.

There's no hurry Sid.

- Hey?

- I said, there's no hurry.

- Hurry over what?

- To get the old mantle from next door.

We can get it when you're ready.

- I was fast asleep.

- Oh, that's all right, there's no hurry.

- Good.

- But I'd like to get it this afternoon.

- Oh God blimey, come on then.

- Oh Sid, wait till I've
done the washing up.

(gentle upbeat music)

- Right, you ready?

- We can't go in now.

They're here.

- Who's here?

- The new lot from next door.

They'd just gone in.

- Give me a shout when
they come out again.

- Mr and Mrs Banes, do come in.

- Hello Mrs Hobbs.
- Hello.

- We've decided to take the stair carpet.

- Good.

- And now what did we settle on?

- 40 pounds.

- I seem to remember your
husband saying 37.50.

- When?

- After I found that cigarette burn in it.

- There we are.

- You'd better see my husband.

I'll call him.

(gentle music)

Tom.

Can you come in a minute?

- Coming dear.

- [Woman] All right then.

(gentle upbeat music)

- Mr Hobbs,

Mr Hobbs.

(dramatic music)

- Yes I shall of course be
having most of these out.

- Oh, they have lovely blooms on them.

- Covered in green fly.

(dramatic music)

Red spider, alive with it.

Do you spray them ?

- No.

- It should be done.

It's the only way to control the pest.

I'm a great believer in spraying.

(water hissing)

(man moaning)

Turn it off.

- Right yes.

- Turn it off.

- It's not on.

(dramatic music)

Sorry.

- Daddy, daddy.

Come quickly.

- What is it?

What's happened?

(dramatic music)

- Oh dear, what's going on Tom?

- [Tom] The hose.

- Try it this way.

(women screaming)

- Where are you going?

- Turn it off with the mains.

Where's the can cock?

- Hey?

- The can cock where is it?

That's it you great twit.

What are you doing?

Get your hands off it.

Give me that.
- Oh no, no, no.

- Give me that.
- No.

(metal banging)

- Ya great knicked.

- Mom.

- Ya fool.

- Mom.

Dad's gone bonky.

(screaming)

- Get your hands off.

- Mom, mom where are you?

Mom, mom, morn.

- Well, I'm sure it was an accident.

- They wouldn't do it deliberately.

They're not like that.

I'm sure they'll be in
a minute to apologise.

(water splashing)

- Well, of course you know
them, whereas I do not.

- Get your hand out.

(man screaming)

- What did he say when you apologised?

- Nothing.

- Nothing at all?

- No, hejust looked at me.

- What'd you say him?

- Well I told him mommy,
that in 50 years time

the earth will be a great
lifeless heap of pollution,

and rubbish, moving slowly
in orbit around the sun.

I told him that his
generation were responsible

for the savage exploitation
of our natural resources.

- But didn't you say you were sorry

for squirting water all over him ?

- Yes, well I think so.

Well, I may not have
actually said I'm sorry,

because I mean, it was his fault

and Miss Wentworth says that it's-

- Sally I've heard quite
enough about Miss Wentworth.

Ever since you've been in her class,

there's been nothing but trouble.

- Well, mommy, you told
me to take biology.

- Well yes, I know dear.

But when I did biology, it was nice.

We didn't go around
squirting hoses at people.

All we did was cut up frogs.

(gentle music)

- Sid.

' Yes?

- Don't forget we've got to get that over

mantle this evening.

- As soon as I get back from work.

- Oh and Sid.

' Yes?

- We're going to go see
about the store this morning.

- Good.

- Bye now.

- Bye.

- Mind how you go.

- Yes, all right.

- Bye bye Sid.

- Ta ta, we'll come and see you soon.

- You do that and Sid.

' Yes?

- Don't forget the over mantle.

- No, no, no.

- I don't want them having it.

- No, no all right.

(upbeat music)

- Oh lovely.

These are the two lovely young ladies

that were taking over that vacant store.

- Later.

- Well, now it's six
quid a week, in advance

and you can move your
stuff in whenever you like.

- Thank you.

- Welcome to the family.

She's she's at a little bother, you know?

One of the other ladies
stole her best customer.

- Oh really?

It caused bad feeling you see dear,

and we like to avoid bad feeling.

I want us to be all one big happy family.

You married are you dear?

- Oh yes, we're both very happily married.

- We'd better pay you hadn't we?

Before we forget.

- Yes thanks and listen if one week

you find you can't manage
it, just come and see me.

I'm very understanding, you know?

I'm sure we can arrange something.

(man chuckling)

- I've seen you before somewhere.

- At a jumble sale.

- Oh, that's right.

Yes, you was after him wasn't you?

(laughing)

- Yes you told us he wasn't worth a lot.

- Well I didn't know you
was in the trade dear did I?

You should of said.

Anyway we're not gonna row over a

blinking old stuffed attic, are we?

Have a cup of tea?

- All right thanks.

- Have you met the landlord?

- You mean Mr Olden?

- Yeah and you wanna hold
em, when he's around.

(women chuckling)

(upbeat music)

- Hello Mike.

- Well Sal, that's the end of college,

unless I fail my finals.

- When will you know?

- Not for a couple of months.

I'm going to get a job anyway.

- Teaching?

- How can I get ajob teaching,

it's the summer holidays nit.

- I've forgotten.

We don't break up till Thursday.

- Where's mom and dad?

- Next door.

- They didn't mean this
to come down in a hurry.

Look at that.

Another half inch we could
our hats on it next door.

- Must have been up here for years.

- I think it's holding the house up.

- It's loose.

- Nah just let me take
the weight, hang on.

Slowly.

Slowly.

- I can't hold it.

- Leave it to me, I got it.

Put it down, mind your feet.

That's it.

When did you say they were moving in?

- Tomorrow.

Oh Sid what are we going to do?

- Let's put it back in again.

- No

and he doesn't want them to have it.

' VeTY. Very urgent.

- [Man] Next week mate.

- No, no, next week is no good.

It's got to be done tonight.

" [Man] No.

- It's a simple plastering job.

- [Man] Sorry.

- God blimey, I can do it myself.

- [Man] You have to do it yourself mate.

- All right, I will.

- [Man] Good luck.

- And you.

- Try someone else.

- There is nobody else.

I've tried every builder in the book.

- Perhaps Trevor knows somebody.

- That's it, that's it,
Trevor's brother-in-law.

- That's the idea mate, not too sloppy,

keep it well turned over.

Don't stop him while he's working.

(wind howling)

Hark at that wind.

- Are you quite sure this
will set by the morning?

- I'm set all right, we
was on one of them new

housing estates, they'd be
having it wallpaper by then.

- They'll be having it
wallpaper here and all.

- We're off.

I'll get this done in 10 minutes.

- Old Alf's the red hot plaster Sid.

- I'm only happy we found him at home.

- Another five seconds in you wouldn't,

I was going out to do
anotherjob at Wembley.

- Oh Mr. Murray, your
wife's on the telephone.

Something about a roof at Wembley.

- Oh my God, it's come off.

- What has ?

- The roof at Wembley.

It's the wind.

I knew it would happened,

here I'll have to get
down there right away.

- Wait what about this wall?

- I'll be all right.

I'll be right back.

You keep turning the comp
over and keep it damp.

- Oh Mr Murray.

- Here, this is a very urgent job,

it's got to be done by morning.

- Don't worry Sid, he'll be back.

- At least we know it
doesn't take long to set.

What's the time?

- 10.00 o'clock.

- I knew it.

I knew it.

How could he possibly go
somewhere to put a roof on

and get back here the same night?

- Sid it was a tarpaulin that came off.

In this weather it could
have come off all together.

- And he's gone with it.

- Sid don't worry, he'll be back.

- How do you know?

- He hasn't finished his beer.

- Well I'm not waiting for him.

- What can we do?

- I'll show you.

(dramatic music)

There you are.

Who needs plasters?

Look at that

- Smashing Sid.

A great job.

- And look at at.

- 5.00 o'clock.

- Can't be bad, only took us seven hours.

(laughing)

- Hey great.

Here what are we gonna
do with all this lot?

- Bury it in the garden.

- Okay-

- Just a minute.

Thank you.

(wind howling)

God blimey, no wonder
he lost his tarpaulin.

(dramatic music)

(smashing plaster)

(gentle music)

- Who's the clever boy then?

It stayed up.

Yeah and it's an
expensive way of doing it.

That doesn't matter.

- It's the wrong colour.

- I know, that's why I
bought the emulsion paint.

- Dropping Sally off at school mom.

- There's nothing we can do is there?

- No, thank you dear, mind how you go.

- Bye.

- Just give us a few minutes to set.

- All right.

We'll tidy up.

- All right.

(upbeat music)

- It's them, they'll find daddy in there.

- Oh, no, they won't.

(tyres screeching)

- What happened?

- Don't know.

Keeps doing it.

(car honking)

- Daddy, daddy they're here.

- Where?

- Well Mike's delaying them,

but I don't know how
long he can hold them.

- Oh for god.

Get that.

Do this.

Quick cut it.

Get the paste, put it on there.

That's it.

Now put it back.

Get off it.

- On Sally.

(car honking)

(paper ripping)

(car honking)

- Sorry Sid.

- We'll start right from the beginning.

Go.

No, just hold it, don't pull it.

(car honking)

- Never mind about starting it,
just push it out of the way.

- He's right, hop in.

- Yes but.

- Come on, we haven't got all day.

Well come on,

well get in.

(car honking)

- Have you got the hand brake on?

- The what?

- Try to start her mate.

That I imagine is the hand brake.

- Oh yes, sorry.

- Now try.

- It might help if you steered straight.

(car honking)

- Has his steering gone?

- I don't know if it's
the steering or him.

My God, it's falling to bits.

- Hurry up Sid.

It's lovely

- Right.

Turn it over, no the other,

just leave it, leave it.

Right Sally grab hold of that,

quick, that's it.

Give me some more paper.

(Sally squealing)

Leave it, I'll do it.

- Get it away.

- Don't panic.

- Daddy.

- Just leave it to me.

- On Sally.

Go and see if they're coming.

- Come on, get out it, let me do it.

Push, push.

(banging)

- They had a collision.

- Not Mike's car?

- Yes, but Mike wasn't driving.

- Who was then?

- Nobody.

- Nobody?

- Yes you see what happened
was, Mike went out of the car-

- Yeah all right, all right,
never mind tell us later.

Here open this tin of paint.

(police car siren wailing)

_ Very nasty.

- Right then who's the
driver of this vehicle?

- Nobody.

- You was driving it.

- Not when it hit that car I wasn't.

- Who was driving then?

- And who are you?

- We're from next door.

- And what you're doing here?

- Yes, well we've come to..

- Help you.

- Help me?

- Yes.

Help you move in.

- And put up the curtain rails,

and pictures.

- Do a bit of painting.

- Or wall papering.

- Or fix the carpet.

- That's most kind, but
I'm sure we shall manage.

We're very well organised.

- Oh well in that case, we'll go.

(upbeat music)

- This man came into my house
and pulled the wall down.

- No, no, no.

I was repairing it.

- Nevermind about that.

Who was driving this car?

- I was not driving it.

I was steering it.

- [Driver] Abbot.

' Yes?

- Got a shed for ya.

- Oh my God.

Next door.

- This car's not fit to be on the road.

- It was all right before he bashed it up.

Take no notice of anything
this young man says, Sergeant.

He's not all there.

- Not all there?

This is my son.

- That does not surprise me in the least.

- It's all right everyone, I'm back.

- I don't know if I
should go there or not.

- I wouldn't mommy, it's
complicated enough already.

- You will of course send
your account next door.

- I don't mind where it goes Gov,

so long as it's paid.

- I am absolutely whacked.

Do you realise I haven't slept all night?

Put up enough plaster to cover
the houses of parliament.

I've had to pay out for
fixing that wall next door.

I've got a shoe full of paste

and any minute now, we're
gonna break out in a civil war

with that fella next door.

- Oh dear.

- Where you going?

- I've cleaned it all,
hasn't it come up nicely?

- It's all this great
monstrous bloody thing's fault.

- Yes, I know dear, but it was worth it.

Sid.

- That's lovely Jean.

If anybody buys it, I don't
know where they'll put anything.

- Hello darling.

- Hello mom.

There we are.

Now dad's gonna bring the rest,

'cause I'm going off for an interview.

- Oh all right dear.

Good luck.

- Yes I'll need it with all
the students being at home,

you're lucky if you can
find a job anywhere.

Bye mom.

- Bye dear.

(gentle upbeat music)

- You like it?

- Oh, it's lovely dad.

- Hello darling.

- Hello mom.

Nice.

It's a lovely garden.

- Yes, dear, isn't it?

- What are the neighbours like?

- Of course the house
isn't quite straight yet.

- No, I said, what are
the neighbours like?

- Come and have a look upstairs Kate.

- Why?

They're not upstairs are they?

- Who dear?

- The neighbours.

- She might as well know,
she'll find out soon enough.

The ones on that side
are absolutely appalling,

especially that boy, mind you
he's not all there you know?

- Why, what does he do?

- Nothing.

Doesn't seem to work at all.

Just loafs about all day
pulling old cars to bits.

He's a layabout.

- Well, we don't really know that dear.

He might be a student like Kate.

- Student my foot.

The boy's an idiot.

- Any idiot can do it.

All the cover's in here, ready cooked.

All you have to do, is warm in up in here.

Apart from, eggs and hamburgers.

- What about eggs and hamburgers?

- I'll show you.

You fry them on hot plate.

Now, every two hours, you change the music

on tape recorder.

- Anything else?

- Yes, look if you've got no jobs to do,

wash your hands.

Now the customers always like to see,

it shows cleanliness.

Well the plumbing's up the spout again.

Well look never mind, you just make out

as though you're washing them like this.

Now then you got it?

- Yes think so.

- All right.

- Is there a staff room?

- A staff room?

- Yes, you know a thing with a..

- Oh no, no, no, but
there's one at Bubbett Road

and we allow you six
minutes and that includes

two minutes to get there
and two to get back.

Right, get that lot on.

Come on mate.

Let's be out of here.

It's time we were open.

Come on.

(upbeat music)

- Egg hamburger and chips on five.

- Double cheese burger, egg and chips.

- Where's my frankfurter, corn and chips?

- Look give us a chance, I've
only got one pair of hands.

(upbeat music)

(yelping)

- It's slavery being a cook, slavery.

- I'm glad you realised it.

- Do you good, when I was your age mate-

- [Jean and Son] We worked
from six in the morning,

till 10 at night.

- Very comical.

What time do you start?

- Half past nine.

- Good.

Just give you time to
help me put that roof in,

that fell on shed.

- Haven't you got any calls this morning?

- Not till half past 10.

- Where's Sally got to?

Her breakfasfs getting all grizzled up.

- She's on the phone.

- She's always on the phone.

- Well Moira, you have
to make the decision.

Which is more important?

Saving the world from
pollution, or going out shopping

with your mother?

- Mom says your breakfast
is getting grizzled up.

- I'll be in in 10 seconds.

You have exactly 1o
seconds to decide Moira,

but remember the action
committee are depending on you.

- [Jean] Sally, do you want
your breakfast or don't you?

- Yes, I'm coming mommy.

Well Moira, are you with us or aren't you?

- Right, 1o.15.

- I am at the 10.40 rule.

- It's 10.15 Sally, I'm
not waiting any longer.

- Here she is now.

- I'm sorry I'm late and my mother's-

- All right, hop in.

(upbeat music)

- Come on everyone.

Give us that.

- Why don't you take the back

and you help me carry the stand.

- Out of the way.

- Thank you for the order Mr Jones.

- You're very welcome.

(upbeat music)

(cans rattling)

- Protect the environment.

- [Group] No more
non-disposable containers.

No more non-disposable containers.

No more non-disposable containers.

- Daddy.

- [Group] No more
non-disposable containers.

No more non-disposable containers.

- That's your daughter?

- That?

Sort of.

(laughing)

Well, you know what these kids are,

anything for a laugh.

(laughing)

Won't affect the order will it?

- What order?

(gentle music)

(rattling cans)

- One moment.

You stick to your property,
I'll stick to mine.

(upbeat music)

- Miss, I say miss.

- [Man] Carole, just a minute.

- What?

- The lady ordered Alabama apple pie.

You brought her Mississippi angel cake.

- So what?

- Well she doesn't want it, that's what.

- Right.

Well you have it.

- Is that the labour exchange?

- Must you get a job right away dear?

You've only just got home.

- I need the cash mom.

- What will you do?

- Oh anything.

It's only for a few weeks.

(gentle upbeat music)

- How do I look?

- Fine.

What'd you say your name was?

- Kate.

Welcome to the Galley Kate.

- Thank you.

- Take my advice.

Whatever you do, don't eat the food here.

- I've already decided that.

- Wise girl.

- Tea Sid.

- Thank you.

- I went to anotherjumble sale.

There wasn't much there.

- Good.

- I bought you a nice hat for two bob.

It's a Panama hat.

- Thank you, but I do
not want a Panama hat.

There are many things
in this world I do want,

and a Panama hat is not one of them.

- I thought you could
wear it in the garden.

Oh, Sid, she said she was sorry.

- Sorry?

Sorry?

I nearly lost that order,
could cost me 3oo quid.

- But she didn't know.

- All right, say it.

I'm the cause of the row.

- Sally, go back to your room.

- Just because I stand
up for what I believe in,

just because I stand up for what's right.

Just because I stand up-

- If I have any more of that,
you'll stand up all right,

you'll stand up because you
won't be able to sit down.

- Go on then, hit me, hit me.

That's all your generation understands.

Typical violence.

(door banging)

- Cor blimey what's the use?

I'm gonna go mow the lawn.

- It would do you good in the garden.

You can wear your new hat.

(gentle music)

- It would be.

That'll do.

(gurgling petrol)

- Such confidence.

(suspenseful music)

- Oi, you have got my hat on.

- You are very mistaken,
I have got my hat on.

- Where's mine then?

- I have no idea.

- It was hanging on this tree.

- So was mine.

- You have stolen my hat.

Give it back.

Oi, po face.

You're a crook, a thief,
that's what you are.

- Sid.

What are you doing?

- He has stolen my hat.

- Stolen your hat?

- Yes.

- Why I didn't think you liked it.

- That is not the point.

Excuse me.

- You did what?

- I gave it to the jumble sale.

Well you never liked it.

- But that is not the point.

How did he get it?

- I suppose he bought
it at the jumble sale.

It was at the local church.

(door knocking)

- Oh my God that's him.

- Oh good, well you can
give it back and apologise.

- Certainly not.

(door knocking)

- But Ronald.

- Give me that hat back.

(door knocking)

- It's his property now.

- I don't care Vera, I
will not apologise to him.

- All right, shove it
up your Panama canal.

- What happened?

- I told him he could keep it.

(motor revving)

(motor stalling)

(cash register ringing)

- My feet are killing me.

Wonder if the last bus has gone.

- I can give you a lift if you like.

- Now that's a very welcome offer.

- Where'd you live?

- Not far.

- I know a shortcut, across the common.

- Oh do you now?

Well I don't happen to live that way.

- Okay, well we can go
across the common first

and then you can direct me from there.

- I see they've loaded
all theirjunk down here.

- Yeah, Jean put that in
when I wasn't looking,

it won't happen again, I promise ya.

- Here, look at this Sid.

Ye wine-making and ye whiskey making.

- Jean bought that for me at the sale.

I haven't had a chance to look at it yet.

- It's an old book mate, published, 18o6.

- Your teeth playing you up?

- Oh no, no, no it's a printing,
the old fashioned printing.

Here's a drawing of Ireland pot still.

- Very interesting.

(Sid laughing)

- Anyone can make distil
there's nothing to it.

- Yeah well why don't they?

- Well making whiskey's illegal isn't it?

- Yeah, I suppose it is.

Mind you I suppose it's only illegal

under certain conditions.

- What conditions?

- If they find out about it.

- Yeah, you'd have be
careful where you did it,

if you did it.

- Yeah, you want somewhere
quiet and out of the way.

- Where the wife wouldn't find out.

- Exactly.

- What do you say Sid?

- Why not?

(Sid laughing)

- [Sally] So this is what they
teach with art college is it?

- [Mike] Yeah, we have to study anatomy.

- [Sally] Well you studied
quite enough for one night.

- [Mike] What's the matter?

- [Sally] You know quite well.

- [Mike] No I don't.

- [Sally] Now stop it.

- I'm not doing anything.

(yelping)

- Now what's the matter?

- My foot it's gone to sleep.

- Yes, and it's time I joined it, come on.

- We don't have to go yet.

It's not late.

- Yes it is, they'll wonder
what's happened to me.

- Where do you live?

- Whitbey Avenue.

- Sodol.

We live at number 84.

- But you can't Mike.

We live in number 86, we just moved in.

- If she isn't home soon, I
shall go out and look for her.

- Do stop fussing dear,
perhaps she's met a boy.

- Oh don't talk nonsense Vera.

What sort of boy could she
meet in a place like that?

- Well she did say something

about the cook being rather nice.

- The cook?

- Well, he's not a real cook.

He's a student of some kind.

(upbeat music)

- No, it's my father's fault.

- No, Mike it's mine, I'm sure of it.

- Well, anyway the way things are

it might as well not to
say anything for a while.

- Perhaps you're right.

- And when we're not working,

we can always meet in secret
at the end of the garden.

(laughing)

(door knocking)

- Oh damn, who's that?

Oh hello Alf.

- I've just dropped this off for Trevor,

it's good as new, come
out of a house at Wembley.

- What's he want it for?

- It's hot water tank.

- But we've got one.

- Oh yeah, course you
have I've put it in myself

haven't I?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, that's right, well
perhaps he wants another one.

It's only two quid, there's no hurry.

- But Alf

- Oh, I can't stop now
love, I've got to get to

the house in Ealing and
the water's pouring in

and the whole family will drown
if I don't get there quick.

I'll see ya.

- What on earth does he want it for?

- For making wine in.

- Doesn't that make the wine taste funny?

- No, no, no.

It's why they call it Costa Brava method.

You remember we spent a week out there?

Well one of those Spanish waiters

told me they always make their wine

in copper hot water tanks.

- No wonder we could never get a bath.

(Sid chuckling)

(loud bang)

(engine revving)

- He's at it again, every Sunday morning.

- Well he has got the silencer fixed.

- About all he has got fixed.

- Well, now that he's working,
he doesn't have much chance.

I suppose you wouldn't
like to look at it for him.

- I'll look at it for
him, with a sledgehammer.

- Here you are dad.

- Thank you Kate.

- It's the girl from the cafe.

Mike, Mike.

- What?

- I've seen her.

(Mike groaning)

- Seen who?

- Kate.

Mike, she can't really be
their daughter, can she?

- Yes she is, now if you
say a word, I'll kill you.

- Oh I won't say anything,
I quite like her.

But what will happen when daddy finds out?

- None of his business,
I'm not frightened of dad.

- What about her dad?

- Ah, yes well, we'll deal
with that when we come to it.

(Mike yelping in pain)

- That's it.

- Here you are Sid.

Well it ought to works anything.

- Yes, provided we get enough heat

out of these two immersion metres.

- Yeah but with no thermostats on,

it's just gonna get hotter
and hotter isn't it?

- Well, it should do.

- Yeah, turning the
barely water into steam,

which goes through the coils
where the cold water condenses

it into whiskey.

I mean that's it isn't it, theoretically?

- Yep theoretically.

- Well won't know til we try, will we?

- No.

- I mean, after all what can happen?

- It can bloody blow up
mate, that's what can happen.

- Look Sid, we don't have to
stay in there with it do we?

_ YQuTe right.

We can switch it off in the garage.

We'll give it half an
hour, see what happens.

- Right yeah.

- Let's go.

(phone ringing)

- Two, five, four, three.

- Could I speak to Miss Kate Banes please?

- I'm sorry, who do wish to speak to?

- Miss Kates Banes, Kate.

- Oh Kate, yes.

Who is this speaking?

- This is one of her colleagues
from the Quick Fat cafe.

It's urgent.

- Just one moment.

It's for you.

- Who is it?

- One of your old
colleagues from that cafe.

She says it's urgent.

- Urgent?

What can they want that's urgent?

- Well she sounded as if
she were being strangled.

- Hello?

- Are you free to talk?

- Yes, who is it?

This is Mike's sister Sally,

but don't worry, I'm on your side.

- Oh yes is anything wrong?

- No, Mike says he's got the car fixed

and can you meet him in
Montrose Avenue at two?

- Yes, okay.

Is he there?

- Well, no, he's still working on the car,

but it will be fixed by two.

- All right then, bye.

- Bye-bye and don't
worry, you can rely on me.

I shan't let you down.

(gentle music)

- How long you make it?

- 25 minutes.

- That's what I make it.

(upbeat music)

- All right, leave it away,
we'll hang it up for you.

- The what?

- Hang it up for you, the washing.

We're not doing anything are we Trev?

- No.

- Well if you're not doing anything,

can you look at the washing machine?

- Yes, well we'll do it after.

- After what?

- After we hang up the washing.

- There you are then.

- Yes well, we'll do it in a minute.

- Why can't you do it now?

- No reason really.

- Oh Sid.

' Yes?

- Don't forget the washing machine.

The water doesn't run into it properly

and if it heats up with no water in it,

then the man says it can blow up.

- Sid, we didn't put
any barley water in it.

- I know.

Water?

(men frantically chattering)

- Sid.

- Sid, stop it.

- Come on.

Look at that.

Get out.

Get down.

(glass shattering)

- ls this yours?

- No.

- Then would you mind telling
me where it came from?

- Perhaps it fell off a Zeppelin.

- I'm off mom.

- You look very nice dear, who is it?

- Just a boy I know.

- Is it that student from the cafe?

- Yes.

- Why don't you ask him round?

- Well, perhaps I will one day, bye.

(upbeat music)

- Where should it be?

- Wherever you like.

- How about, Brighton?

- Brighton, will it make it?

- My dear girl, this car has
been to Afghanistan and back.

(tyres screeching)

- Sid, I've never heard of boiling up wine

to make it ferment quicker.

- I keep telling you
it, it supposed to boil,

the immersion metre went wrong,

- But you hadn't got any wine in the tank.

- That's something else
that went wrong and all.

Trevor thought I'd filled it
and I thought he'd filled it.

- Sid, if you boil wine up,
doesn't it turn into Brandy?

- Pardon?

- Brandy.

- I hadn't thought of that.

- Well, in my opinion,
if you take some wine

and you put it into the-

(phone ringing)

- Who the hell can that be?

- Oh Mike's not in yet,
I hope he's all right.

- Yes, I've tried that as well
dad but it still won't work.

Have we got enough to ring your mom?

- Just about.

- All right where are you?

- We're on the A 23,
just outside Brighton.

- Brighton?

- Just outside.

- How did he get to Brighton?

- God knows in that thing.

- Can't he find a garage?

- He only have 1o pence and
he used that to phone us.

- How's he going to get home?

- How do you think?

- No, I'm not worried dear,

as long as I know you're all right.

When will you be in?

- Well what's happen to her?

- The car's broken down.

Yes dear.

- Whose car?

- That boy from the cafe, the student.

- I thought he was a cook.

- No, all right dear we
won't wait up for you.

- Let me speak to her.

- Hello, hello Kate.

- The pips have gone.

- You may go to bed if you want to,

I intend to see this student
cook when he brings her home.

If he ever does bring her home.

- What time is it?

- Nearly five.

Not much on the road, he
should be here in a minute.

- Mike.

- Yeah?

- Why don't we tell him?

- Tell him what?

- About us.

- Not now.

Let's wait until he's in a good mood hey?

(gentle music)

- This is Kate dad.

- How do you do?

- I'm awfully sorry you had to come out.

- Think nothing of it.

- Did you bring the tow rope?

- Would you like to do that now too love?

- Well does she have to it's pouring rain?

- If she wants to get home, yes.

- But if you're towing me.

I'm not towing that thing
in this kind of weather.

- But I can't leave it.

- I can.

- I won't leave it.

- Stay here then, I'll fon/vard your mail.

Get in.

(gentle music)

Where does Kate live?

- Not far from you, if you
just drop me at this corner.

(gentle music)

I'm back dad.

- Where is he then?

' Who?

- This chap you were with,
didn't he bring you home?

- Yes of course dad, but he's gone now.

Good night.

- Oh God.

- What's she like?

' Who?

- The girl.

- How do I know?

- You must of seen her.

- Oh yeah, she seemed all right.

I didn't take much notice.

- She must be the one from the cafe.

- Yeah probably.

- Mike seems very fond of her.

I wonder why he doesn't bring her home.

- What did you say, darling?

I couldn't hear you.

(Sid snoring)

- Right that's it,

let's turn her off.

' Sid?

- Yeah.

- In the garage.

- Oh yeah.

We'll give her a few
minutes to cool off, right?

- Right.

(gentle music)

(trickling liquid)

(Sid laughing)

Pure Brandy.

- Pure rhubarb Brandy.

- Sid, I don't suppose anyone's ever made

real rhubarb Brandy before.

- Well if they have,

I've never heard of that.

There's more here.

- Look at that.

That's it.

- You turn it off Sid?

- Just a minute.

(sizzling)

Yeah well it hasn't matured yet, has it?

- No.

- Oh, you stripped that chair then?

- Yes my husband got me some stuff.

- Caustic soda?

- I don't know what it
was, but it's marvellous.

It took four coats of
paint off in no time.

- Ask him to get some for me would you?

- All right.

- How much is that?

- The fish ?

- No, the figure.

- Only I get a very big call on fish.

15.

- Oh no, thanks.

- Hello.

- How much is this?

-1o.

You live next door, don't you?

- Yes, that's right.

- All right, seven.

- Oh, no I couldn't.

I mean, are you sure?

- Special price for neighbours.

- Thanks.

You must come in sometime
to have a cup of tea.

- I'd love to.

- She seems awfully nice.

- Yes, possibly she is,
but for heaven's sake

don't get friendly with her.

We don't want them in here.

- Ronald dear, I should be
friendly with whom I please.

- Well all right, so long as
you don't bring him in here,

or that ghastly son of there's.

- I haven't seen him lately, have you?

- No, probably in prison.

(upbeat music)

- Double egg and chips.

I love you.

- Double cheeseburger and chips.

I love you too.

(sizzling)

- She's out with him every night

and we still haven't seen him.

If you ask me there's
something fishy about him.

He's probably married.

- You can always go along to the cafe

and take a look at him.

- Now that dear is a very good idea.

Where's that row coming from?

- It's next door, I think
they're having a party.

(upbeat music)

- Ham, chicken or roast beef?

- I'm sorry, I don't eat the
flesh of animal cruelties.

_ sorfY-

- Happy birthday darling.

- Oh daddy thank you.

- There we are.

Kids are doing a racket down there.

I had to come up here
for a couple of minutes.

- I don't blame you.

It's only just started.

- Look why don't we go out for a snack,

Sally won't mind will she?

- Mind?

She won't even notice we've gone.

- Right, let's go to that
place where Mike works

and you can have a look at his girlfriend.

- All right then.

(gentle music)

- Mike, mom and dad.

Hello.

- Who's that?

- That's the short order cook.

- Yes he is, isn't he?

(gentle music)

- Kate, can you take
over here for a minute?

What's up with you then?

- Cmmp

- Cramp?

- Yes, in my legs, I often get it

and then they give away on me.

- Try standing up.

- Well no I can't.

I lie down.

Ifl lie down it goes.

- The last guy had hay fever and he kept

sneezing over all the hamburgers.

Give me your hat.

(yelping)

Lie over there, out of the road.

- Alabama and chips, two
cheeseburgers and a whopper.

' WhOOper?

- Hot dog.

- That can't be him can he?

- Ask her.

- That's not him is it, the student?

- Oh no, he's the boss,
he's releaving him.

- You any better?

(food sizzling)

- Oh no, worse.

- Oh bloody hell.

- You don't mind if we sit here do you?

- Not in the least, we're leaving.

- But Ronald, we haven't eaten yet.

- More reason to leave.

- I can't see Mike, can you?

- I'll go and have a look.

- Are you looking for someone?

- Yes, our son, he's working here

but only during the holidays.

He's a student.

(Ronald coughing)

- What's happened with him?

- Cmmp

- What are you doing about it?

- All right, dad.

- What's wrong with him?

- Cramp, would you get
back to your tables please?

- No, I wish to see him.

- Are you a doctor?

- No, of course not.

- What the hell's it
got to do with you then?

- Hang on, just hang on a minute.

He might know something about first aid.

- I'm not here to assist
him, I'm here to warn him.

- Warn him?

- He is not to see my daughter again.

- Your daughter?

I didn't know you had a daughter.

- Oh please don't make a fuss daddy.

- How could you do this to us, how?

- Get out of it, the lot of ya.

- Is this his daughter?

- Yes, but it's none of your business.

- It is my business and
I'm trying to run it.

You get back to that cat desk.

- Don't you dare speak
to my daughter like that.

- I'll speak how I bloody like.

(egg splattering)

Sorry, it was an accident.

(smashing egg)

(spluttering eggs)

Give over you bloody thing, give over.

- Hang on now wait a
minute, now cut it out,

now don't do that.

Get me a cloth.

- Dear, do you think
we should do something?

- No, let's keep out of it.

(splattering of pies)

- Somebody get the police quick.

(upbeat music)

- I knew we'd get away with it.

- We should never have been arrested.

- I still think we could sue
them for wrongful arrest.

- Of course we could,
but let's not bother.

- No, we've still got this
other business to sort out,

your son and Kate.

- Yes.

- Well let's pop inside
and discuss this shall we?

- That's a very good idea Ron.

- Ronald, Sidney, call me Ronald.

(upbeat music)

And so after long discussion, Sidney and I

have decided we have no objection to you

becoming engaged to Mike.

Unofficially of course and
then after a year or so,

if you still decide you
want to go through with it.

- Yes dear, it's in August.

- What is?

- The wedding.

- Pity it won't be ready for the wedding.

- We are not touching a drop
of that until it's matured.

You saw what it did to the varnish.

- Yeah.

- Come on.

- Ah Sidney.

- Hello Ron.

- Ronald.

- Yes, Ronald.

- I came to see about,
I can smell it again.

- Smell what?

- Distillery fumes.

- Get away, perhaps they've
opened a new distillery

around here somewhere.

- No, no, no, if there were,
I'd soon know about it,

it's my job to know.

- What do you do exactly?

I know you're some kind of civil servant.

- Customs and excise, I'm a collector.

It's my job to collect all
the duty payable on tobacco

and spirits.

- Must be very interesting.

- Yes actually I came to
see about the wedding.

- Yeah well why don't we go in the house

and talk about it right away?

- Yeah, the point is I
think it should be formal.

- Formal, definitely formal
by all means, come on.

(upbeat music)

- Mike.

Mike, Mike.

You look lovely daddy.

- I look like a right twit.

- Well the cars are here.

- That's all right,
we've got plenty of time.

- Where's Mike?

- Probably outside, looking
at his wedding present.

- Oh I like that.

Who sold that?

- Who do you think?

- Jean now if you'd like to go in the car

with the bridesmaids.

- But it's all right,
Sid will take his car.

- No, no, no, no.

We have ample room in the hire car.

- What are you up to?

You'll get filthy.

- The battery's flat.

- You're getting married in half an hour.

- I still need the car for the honeymoon.

- Go on, go on.

- They were different four cars ordered,

where's it gone to?

- Mike, you'll be late.

- Stop panicking Sal.

- Now then, to avoid seeing the bridegroom

stay in the house until
all the rest have gone.

I shall be in the car waiting for you,

and the driver will sound his horn twice.

- Yes.

- Sid.

- Yeah?

- You dismantled it yeah?

- Now what chance have I had?

- Yeah but suppose he finds out.

- Will ya stop worrying, he wouldn't nick

his daughter's father-in-law would he?

- Wouldn't he?

- He would.

- Ronald one of the cars is broken down.

- That's ridiculous, hire
cars don't break down.

- Well this one has, they're
trying to send us another.

- Well there isn't time.

Let me speak to them.

Hello?

This is disgraceful,
absolutely disgraceful,

I can think of no other
word for it, hello?

Hello?

He's gone off.

- No, no, no, I'll take
three of them and Jean.

- No, no I've organised Jean.

She's going with Vera.

- All right, I'll take Trevor.

- No way, supposing
Trevor takes Mike's car.

- Trevor can't drive.

Supposing he takes my place
in the bridegrooms car

and Jean could take three
of them in Mike's car.

- Oh good, I knew we'd get it organised.

Come on, Mike, get in.

Girls and Vera come, come.

(gurgling liquid)

- You should have gone in that one.

- Well, what do I do?

- Get in the end.

- This one?

- The end one.

Go on get in.

Hold it right down.

Go on.

No, no no in here, get in.

All right, off you go.

- Sid it won't start.

- Course it won't start,
he's taken the battery out.

You take mine, I'll see
if I can start this one.

Come on, quick, come on auntie.

- What's wrong?

- The battery's on charge in the garage.

Come on.

- Sid.

' Yes?

- Don't worry about Trevor
and me, I've rung for a taxi.

- Trevor's gone you can come with us.

(upbeat music)

- Well where's my father?

- He must've of got in one of the others.

Sid told me to get in here.

- Oh well, as long as he gets there.

(gurgling liquid)

- Get a rag for something to carry it.

(loud bang)

The shed.

(glass shattering)

- Good God it's on fire, come on.

- Leave it.

- We can't leave it man, it
could set the fence on fire,

the house could go.

- I'll get the hose.

- Well if he didn't come
with you, where is he?

- Well they were coming in Mike's car.

Perhaps they couldn't start it.

- I'll go and ring up.

(glass shattering)

- I brought yours.

- So I see.

(glass shattering)

- Don't go too close,
it might explode again.

- What might?

- The brandy, the paint stripper.

The shed's full of paint stripper.

- Tell Kate not to worry.

- Where is she?

- In the living room.

- Right, hold that.

(glass shattering)

- I've phoned houses from the vestry,

there's no answer so they must have left.

- Don't worry, dear, they'll
get here, don't worry.

- Who hasn't turned up
there, the bridegroom?

- The bride's father.

- He don't matter, as long
as the bridegroom's here.

(wailing siren)

- I wonder where that's going?

- The vicar says unless
we can start right away

you'll have to postpone it.

We have another wedding at 11

and we have a funeral at half past.

- We are not postponing it.

- But you can't get married
without your father.

He's giving you away.

- Then somebody else can do it.

- I'd be happy to do it, most happy.

- But Kate you can't,
it must be your father.

- I don't care who gives me
away, as long as I get married,

please tell them we're ready.

- Just like her father.

- Who is he?

(flames roaring)

(glass smashing)

- I can't find Kate and the car's gone.

- Nonsense she couldn't go without me.

I'm giving her away.

- Well don't worry about
it, the fire brigade's here.

(wedding music)

(siren wailing)

- All right, everyone here?

- No.

(wailing siren)

- Thank you mate.

Come on hurry up.

Hang on.

- Wait for us.

- We made it.

- Hold it.

(upbeat music)