Original subtitles

TEA lN THE HAREM OF ARCHlMEDES

You can take off your mittens, hey?

- Hello, Malika. - Morning...

Sit down, leave me alone, you drive me nuts!

Be quiet, children... Come on, come with me.

Move your chair...

There you are.

- Eat, Tarzan! - Let's be quiet now, calm down...

SlT-lN STRlKE

Morning, all!

Thanks, kid!

You OK?

Seen Madjid?

He's repairing his bike at building C.

Don't fool about!

You see that, Maggie? Anita put her ash in her cup...

That's a lie, Maggie!

Next time serve her coffee in an ashtray.

Great!

Maggie...

- Give me a beer. - Not now!

- A coffee, please. - Right away.

Your bike's had it.

Don't bother.

lt's due for the scrap heap.

All the bums have left...

We're on our own, eh?

You're about to bullshit me.

Stop it... shit!

You'll never change!

Shit!

Hey, Rustine,

let's get dressed up!

We've got a date.

Shall we call a taxi for the gentlemen?

Don't bother. Be cool...

You bum!

You bastard!

Who's that?

lt won't be you who pays when my dog's sick, huh?

Young idiots!

My wallet!

You lost it? Sure?

Look in your purse.

- lt may be at home. - No, the subway tickets are in it.

My wallet, asshole!

- What's up? - My wallet, l said!

My wallet!

This guy's mad, crazy!

You've no right!

Want me to take off my shoes, now?

What a bum!

We can't do much with that!

How much?

- 200F. - 200F with a strip?

A full strip's extra.

How much?

200F, baby!

Too much...

He has a discount for a large family, you accept it?

Go home and let me work.

Oh, a hard-on, shit!

Check that out!

Let's go and screw Josephine.

Not a bad idea.

OK, ciao.

- And Josephine? - l'm not in the mood.

ls anyone there?

l'm stuck in the elevator!

What you up to, Rustine?

My husband'll be home soon.

lt's only 5pm!

Not today!

Don't be dumb...

You should have come earlier.

Couldn't make it.

Where's Madjid?

- Evening! - Hello, Josette.

- Where's St�phane? - ln the bedroom.

Ready, Steph?

Eat here, Josette?

l must get home and put him to bed, he's tired.

- Some hot soup? - Really, thank you.

What about the strike?

The strike's over, now it's the dole line.

Go and fetch your father.

Hurry up!

Take off your shoes.

Stay here, you!

St�phane, come and eat!

l'm not hungry!

Get up!

Will you fetch your father or must l go?

l don't understand.

Don't understand? l'm tired, my legs are tired. You just sleep!

Good-for-nothing! Bum!

Listen to me!

Why don't you get a job? Lazy bum!

Listen to me!

The neighbour, Mama, her Ali is a good boy.

Works like a man, brings money to his mother.

Doesn't smoke or spend his nights out.

May Allah bless him!

- Work, work... - l found a job.

That's good, son.

- But l need to be French. - What? French?

Never! Never French! You hear me?

Shit!

Attack!

Attack, attack!

Calm down, J.R. Calm...

- Looking for your Daddy? - Asshole!

Not very warm, is it?

Everyone's in a bad mood tonight!

Keep it down, savage!

Seen your face, black boy?

This place is such a bore...

Shut up!

Where'll we go in winter?

The club may reopen.

lt was your joint that got us thrown out.

The guy who runs it smokes...

Let's hear some music.

This place is such a bore...

This place is such a bore...

Then go take a walk.

Go sing somewhere else, my kids are asleep.

Can't even talk in this hellhole!

Then listen to my music.

l do as l like, where l like!

Give me that, nigger!

Give it back, you don't know how to use it!

What an asshole!

Let's party!

l'll record a song for you, OK?

- Break it, l'll break you! - lt's coming.

What's that jerk doing?

Give that back, nigger.

- Lucky it doesn't record smell! - Really!

Ladies and gentlemen, we will now play back

my fart. lt's majestic, unique, the only one that has no smell.

Switch up the sound!

That black's a jerk. The only one around and he's all ours.

- That was close. - He almost busted my brains!

- Who was it? - Don't know.

- Think he'd warn you first? - Dumb shit!

Watch it, the guy may have a machine gun.

Careful!

Postillon or G�v�or?

Must have been a wino.

- Pastelvin. - What?

Pastelvin, can't you read?

Real luxury!

Let's check each floor.

Can't have come from 1st or 2nd.

- Don't bother, it was my dad. - Sure?

He gets the stuff from my grandpa in the country.

Tell your dad he's a stupid fucker.

l did, so he threw me out.

Where can we go now?

- Your place? - lf you want.

Not the basement, it stinks!

l'm off.

l'll be along.

- See where your shit got us? - Enough!

Walking daddy home?

With me it was the opposite. My dad brought me home

and kicked my ass!

- ls that why he split? - Yes.

Fuck off.

l want him to laugh. He never laughs.

Give it back, shit!

Look, he's crying!

Give it to him.

You're a real idiot.

Thanks.

Chantal!

- Want a coffee? - l haven't time.

- 5 minutes... - l'm already late, Madjid.

l'll walk you to work.

We've nothing for you.

You're just out of school...

lt's hard to get you a job as a mechanic.

There's always that course at F.M.

l can sign you up.

But l'd have to be French.

You were born here...

Take out French citizenship.

l hear you have courses for driving school monitors.

l'm sorry but your medical file indicates

you have bad eyesight.

- Me? - lt's written here.

Sorry.

Goodbye.

Sir...

lt's for the driving school course...

Yes, come in.

So, what's it like in there?

And you still count on them...

You little bastards!

So...

Learning to fuck, hey?

Did they hurt you, Mado?

Know what that is?

Like an elephant's ears.

That's the clitoris, idiot!

And that...

Know what that is?

These kids don't know anything!

Those are boobs, idiot.

And Mado, do you know her?

Well, she's not a bike.

Caress her before riding her.

You mustn't damage her. Start her up gently.

We were there first and we left her intact.

So think of the next guys.

Say thank you to Mado.

Thank you, Mado.

Next time bring her chocolates. She loves them.

Don't you, Mado?

Move it out!

Enough of your bullshit!

Maggie, he's pissing me off!

Get out... Go on, out!

Faster than that!

The first one to move buys me a drink!

Bunch of tight-asses! Not one who lifts a finger...

lD papers.

Take me for an Arab?

Don't get smart with me.

Or this'll end badly.

Patrick Fontaine...

born 23l7l65...

Cit� des Fleurs.

Hey, old man...

Please, can't you send me to heaven?

Just a little shot to help us forget. Even your mug.

Why Rustine and not us?

lf you want to hook the complex, start here.

Search him.

Come back with your junk and we'll shred you!

Hear me, you scum?

Malika!

Come quickly, daddy's hitting mummy!

Stay here.

Stop this, what's wrong?

Let go of me, you filthy Arab!

l'll kill that bitch!

Let me go! Shit!

Bitch! Whore...

Shit-faced bitch!

Bitch! l'll kill you!

Not nice, Mr Levesque. You shouldn't drink like that.

- Did l scare you? - A bit.

You surprised me.

Come with us?

Where?

Come and you'll find out.

Stay here and wait for us, OK?

Say thank you to the gentlemen.

ls it much further?

My legs hurt.

We're almost there.

- Hello. - What is it?

Like my sister?

Joachim...

How much?

- fifty francs. - You joking?

OK, see you later. When you're rich.

Thirty!

Coming!

The pigs!

This is for real.

Both want a fuck?

Then that's sixty francs.

l want a beer before starting.

lt's over, grandpa. We've got to go.

You get one go, not all night.

Like her?

A blonde, next time.

lnstead of shouting, you should bring us a beer!

My back aches.

You must have really got off with those monkeys!

lt makes me want to puke.

The sex-starved jerks didn't make you come?

The fun's all over, for me.

- What's up? - Nothing.

Tell me.

Something's wrong, tell me what it is.

Leave me alone.

What's going on? Talk to me.

Leave me alone.

Here, take this.

You think that can make me happy?

Take it, l said. lt's for your kid.

She's putting on an act.

You've been had, again.

Turn off the TV.

- Finished your homework? - A kiss...

Everyone go and wash.

Hey, you donkey!

Aren't you ashamed of sleeping while your mother works?

You'll get up early to see a girl, and a French one at that!

l saw you! Aren't you ashamed?

Mom, l need money for a notebook.

Let me cry my heart out.

This boy will be the death of me.

- How much? - Fifteen francs.

Go and get your father!

Hello, Madj.

Hi, lsa.

- How's your mother? - Still shouting.

She's right. You tire her out.

You know you're not allowed alcohol.

There's orange juice, if you like.

Hey Pat...

since your sister started work she won't talk to us.

Don't mention work we'll start a fight.

So, Miss Secretary... any work for a cleaner?

A pretty girl shouldn't be stuck in an office.

Cut it out.

Coming, Madjid? Let's split.

Are you coming?

Here are my saviours.

Get them a drink.

What did you save her from?

Shut up!

lt's not funny.

lt was for her kid.

Anything new?

A few, take a look.

Good thing they put up the fence.

Do up your pants, your tools are showing.

Put it away before we cut it off!

What's wrong?

Mallard's wine. l stole it from his cellar.

Let's see if that's true.

Motherfucker!

A toast to us!

Hand over the bottles! Come on.

Holy shit!

We'll get smashed!

What a party.

You guys, we're having a party.

Come on, there's wine and everything.

lt's Christmas!

- Make room! - Go ahead.

Shit, that's huge!

Here's to old Mallard!

Let's get out of here!

Nice of you to drop by!

Come on, dad?

Son of a bitch! l'll show you...

Come on, come on...

l thought they weren't afraid of anything!

He's out cold.

Anita!

Did you see Mallard's face?

See Pelletier? Look at the motherfucker running!

Well done.

Hey, Pat...

You brought your gang?

Shut up, fat ass. We came here to learn.

Looks like you guys have been done.

This is a cinema, not a hospital.

Fat Luc, you with your lady?

Mind your business.

Last time she came through here

she came back on all fours!

Ask her if she still has those blue panties.

There's a fight in the air.

Blood! Blood...

lsn't your name Mallard?

You live over in building B?

Opposite from Pelletier?

l know them.

They booze up at the station bar on Fridays.

Winos out! Winos out!

That's really smart!

- A quiet cuddle? - l'm dead!

- Got a cigarette? - Yes.

The last one.

l'm going to see my mother.

She'll have some cash.

Mine shouts all the time.

Mine too. Especially now my sister's working.

Makes me look like a bum.

Any news of your father?

Neither him nor the neighbour.

Then she must still fuck well.

No reason to drop everything.

We fucked her too but we didn't run off with her.

l told my mom l went to the labour office to fill in forms.

- Really think she believed you? - Yes!

You can't even write.

Got a little something?

Where should we drop you?

We have to go, we work tomorrow.

We work, too!

We can't leave like this...

Start with our own then switch?

- Mine's good, hey? - Not bad.

You can start with her, as long as we're switching...

Come on, between brothers...

Alright, if you want.

Your mother?

- Where is she? - She's dead.

- You're all alone? - My dad lives in the States.

- He's American? - Polish.

So you're Jewish.

Shame you have your period.

- How did yours fuck? - Cool it!

Can't even joke, now.

Chantal, get in.

Rotten weather.

You OK?

What's wrong?

You should stay in bed instead of following me every day.

l wanted to see you.

Yeah, right! What's with the car?

lt's a Citroen.

Did you steal it?

l didn't want you getting wet.

- l won't stay in a stolen car. - l didn't steal it.

You're full of shit!

lf l knew how, l'd tell you...

- First, you have to change. - lt's you who's changed.

- How was l before? - You didn't avoid me.

ls there a guy?

A guy...

Poor idiot.

We haven't any mauve.

The U's in yellow.

No, you've done the O's, now do the U's.

But there's no yellow.

Hi, is he ready?

- When will you be back? - Two days.

And not three, OK?

- Dad! - Hello, sweetie.

l guess 3 days would be too much, like paying child support.

l'm in the shit, l'll give it to you later.

- Come see what l've done. - l'm coming.

Show me your works of art.

Show me how much progress you've made.

The teacher wrote that?

- No, l did. - l hope so!

And what's this? Can you read this?

l've lost my job, you know.

Come on, let's go now.

- Are you coming? - No, l'm busy.

- Let's go to the sea. - Yes!

You OK, Steph? ln good shape? Happy?

What's wrong?

What's going on?

Oh, sweetheart...

Come on!

Mom!

Give him a spoonful if he coughs,

and see he has a pillow.

What's wrong?

Shit!

What are you doing? Leave that alone!

Hey, you guys!

Hi, Balou.

lt's Balou!

Unbelievable, he's back!

l thought he was still inside.

Check out the car!

Look at the bills!

We could make them fall off.

Look!

Holy shit, he's rolling in money.

Look at that bird!

Mamma mia, check out the chick!

l can't see anything.

What a honey!

She's shaved her pussy, brother!

l can see everything.

Whatever.

That's much more interesting.

You don't get it, it's an old bet.

To the winner!

Once more...

Thanks, Balou!

Let's drink to this!

Where have you come back from?

He couldn't read, either.

The-tea-harem-of-Archimedes.

The theorem of Archimedes.

You've been drinking? Drunkard!

Now he's taken to drinking.

That's all l needed.

Aren't you ashamed?

Drunkard.

Good-for-nothing! Bum!

What will the neighbours think?

He's killing me.

Madjid, my son...

l'm worn out.

l'm going to ask the Consulate

to take you home.

You'll do your military service.

You'll learn your own language

and you'll become a man. lt's the only way.

l'm tired of trying to make you see,

you don't understand.

Help me, my son...

What's left for your mother?

You're ruining yourself and me as well.

Think of your brothers and sisters.

l'm worn out, tired.

May Allah protect and forgive us!

St�phane, and mama and Josette.

Four, three, two, one... Happy New Year!

My God! What's happening to us now?

Madjid, hurry up!

Go up to Josette's apartment.

Quickly!

Don't do it, Josette! Oh, Allah!

What about the little one?

My God, Josette, don't do it!

Tomorrow l'll find you a job.

A good job...

Well paid.

l'll hire you, tomorrow.

At the canteen.

You'll be a waitress, it's well paid...

She's a kid, she owes me 3 months rent.

The fire brigade is on its way.

Tomorrow, Josette! l'll find you work!

Tomorrow...

Allah...

Your little boy, who will he call mother?

Think of the boy...

We're with you.

No, Josette!

Don't!

Your little boy will be looking for his mommy!

Mom, look at my Babar!

Allah!

At Auteuil, the filly Nougatine could well beat M�galite,

also doing well, and still the favourite...

News flash from Jean Gall�:

The body ofa North African was found on the banks of the Seine.

The initial identification has been made as a Mr Lakhdar...

Lakhdar, Lakhdar, my son...

They've killed my son.

Yesterday they got Abdelir at Nanterre, and Kader at Vitry.

They got Touffik at La Courneuve... Tomorrow who will it be?

- Tomorrow, it'll be you! - Tomorrow, it'll be you...

- lt's no good. - What's no good?

lt's too fast.

Yes, it's too fast.

We'll take it again...

What's it about?

His mother made another scene yesterday.

Any jobs going?

Come by and ask.

Tomorrow?

But no fucking around, or l'll get it.

Don't worry.

Hey, Frenchie, you want to act with us?

We need a white guy to play a cop.

What does it pay?

You'll never change.

Which side is the street?

Stop wasting time.

- l don't know how to do it. - l'll show you one last time.

l don't care.

Get out.

This is your nice easy job?

- They threw you out too? - lf you like.

Don't say you left so as not to let me down.

l didn't say that.

You're an idiot.

l'm an idiot? You can't even weld 3 wires!

- lt just doesn't interest me. - What would interest my lord?

- Shut up! - Ok, it's over.

- You could have got one with nuts. - Then change it.

As you move forward, bend...

You're moving like my grandmother. Come on.

The rich.

Did you see her ass?

They can't even play, it's all to show off.

- Let's do the locker rooms. - They do sports, they run fast!

Yeah, right.

Don't worry, come on.

Holy shit, we cleaned up!

Shit, brother, they're something!

Check out the black one.

Wow, holy shit!

That one would need a whip.

My dick needs action.

Go dip your wick.

- Too many people around. - Who gives a shit?

Are you going, or not?

l don't know which one.

Look, check out the one

sitting on the red car.

She doesn't look bad.

Yeah, l'm off.

Meet you in the bar.

- Excuse me... - Don't go.

You won't tell, will you? Not anybody?

Don't worry, l won't. Promise.

Don't, your brother's over there.

Don't cry, l won't tell him.

Here...

- No, l don't want anything. - Come on.

No, l fuck everything up.

Madj...

We'll have to start calling you Lucky Luke.

Pulls a gun faster than his shadow.

So?

l didn't go.

Why not? She was a drag queen?

A whisky, please.

Something's wrong.

Madjid...

what are you doing? Come on.

Come on! Pat as well!

Get in!

We have to get his dad.

Cut the bullshit!

He can't sleep there and he can't get home alone.

- We'll take him. - Yeah, get in.

Alright.

Oh, the sweet rat.

Hey, he's coming back.

Get a move on, Mado!

Shit, we're in a hurry. Come on.

- Roll up. - lt's Christmas!

Where'd you get this?

- Where'd the car come from? - His dad, we're breaking it in.

l've got an idea.

Keep it, your last one put us in police custody.

- Tell us. - Let's go to the sea.

- Yeah, why not? - l don't have my bikini.

That's OK, you can still have a swim.

What do you think? Let's go!

Shut up.

Guess you'd rather go home to your dad.

Tomorrow we'll pick up rich babes in Deauville.

Old ones, with lots of cash.

Fifty-fifty!

- You can't. - Because?

Rich women like to fuck blacks, not go out with them.

Madjid and l are going to have a festival at Cannes.

You sit in a chic caf�, where they like drinking their tea.

You choose one that's not too moth-eaten,

she looks at you...

You give her a baby smile and she gets all wet to do a kid.

And her husband?

Doesn't care, he's gay. The bourgeois are all fags.

But l'll never be rich if they're all fags!

Their wives are bored shitless.

Anyway, you stay on that caf� patio.

You look at her again.

She looks at you.

She cracks, goes to the john...

And calls you in.

Let me finish, idiot.

She goes off with her little purse,

writes her phone number on a piece of paper,

then goes back to sit down.

She says to her husband:

''Shall we go home, darling?''

She lets him go first,

and as she passes your table,

as cool as can be,

she puts it in front of you, my brother.

- But you can't read! - Loser.

A phone number just needs to be dialled.

She waits for you

in her villa behind the hill,

with its big iron gate and huge trees all around.

You press the bell at the gate,

and hear the intercom say:

''l'll open up, my love''.

The gate opens by itself...

And what do you do with the dogs?

The rich always have huge, flashy mutts.

She's sent everyone away, it's all yours.

You cross the garden, already with a hard-on.

You reach the door.

She opens it, the slut,

wearing a long, white see-through dress.

You check out her boobs as she passes.

She takes your hand...

and leads you to a chair.

She takes your jacket, you sit down,

she says: ''Whisky or champagne, my love?''

She fills the glasses.

Cheers.

She looks at you with sultry eyes.

She offers a cigar box.

You take one and she lights it for you.

You take a deep puff...

and let yourself fall back into the armchair.

Then you close your eyes...

and feel her fingers opening your flies.

And my knob's off and running.

Give her a ball, like a real pleb, until she's worn out.

That way she'll call you again.

And if she wears you out you call us in?

She puts a wad of bills in your pocket,

and you start seeing her often.

She introduces you to her sister, her mother, her sister-in-law...

No hassle, you give it to them all

while the husband gets buggered on his yacht.

Your bullshit has sent Madjid to sleep.

Let him sleep.

He makes the plans and l carry them out.

Wait for me!

See? This is fun.

Unbelievable!

Hey, it's the cops!

Cops! Shit, guys!

Madjid!

- Where are you lot from? - With him, we'll get the others.

Sous-titrage : Eclair Vid�o Ripped by SOUTHSiDE in 2002

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