Original subtitles

[narrator] Ready for a story about superheroes?

[sig hs] More TV superheroes. Just what the world needs.

Be honest, have you hung yourself yet?

Or what if I told you

this was actually a story about super-zeroes?

Losers, achingly pathetic meta-human goose eggs.

How about it?

Ready to feel better

about your own miserable lives for the next hour or so ?

Follow me.

Our story begins,

as such stories do, with a visit to a Nazi.

I'm sorry. Cobbler.

Mr. Morden .

Yes. Yes, you m ust be Stu rm ban hfu h rer Von Fuchs.

Marti nez.

-Sorry? -Señor Marti nez.

Who?

The vi l lage cobbler.

Oh .

Oh !

[laug h i ng]

[narrator] Von Fuchs was renowned for his theoretical experimentation,

offering certain enhancements for a price.

A price Mr. Morden was more than willing to pay.

Oh, I forgot.

Mr. Morden, that's me.

Well, it was me.

A third-rate bad guy,

a nameless henchman, a real...

Nobody.

I forked over a king's ransom to that demented genius.

And if I knew what he had planned for me,

I would have paid double.

Can you hear me, Mr. Morden?

[d istorted voice] Yes.

[coug hs]

Are you ready, Mr. Morden?

Ready.

Repeat after me, please.

-The. . . -The...

-Mi nd . . . -Mi nd ...

-Is. . . -Is...

-The. . . -The...

-Li m it. -Li m it.

Agai n .

The m i nd is the l i m it.

Agai n .

The m i nd is the l i m it!

[overlappi ng repetition]

Fu n ky...

[g igg les]

[u pbeat 1 980s m usic playi ng]

[Mr. Morden] And now to the 1980s.

Somewhere in this abomination of gauche and blow,

is a pale white ass pumping up and down.

The ass of a hero.

No, not that ass.

No.

Uh-uh.

[wai l i ng]

G isel le?

[Clara conti n ues wai l i ng]

G isel le !

[G isel le moan i ng]

[Mr. Morden] There it is.

Mmm! Smells like hero to me.

Who's the fox?

You are !

G isel le !

Who's the fox?

Oh , my God .

G isel le.

Clara is cryi ng .

Real ly? Looks fi ne to me.

She's fi ne, honey. You can't be so scared of her.

H m m .

[Mr. Morden] Behold, the bottom rung of marriage.

Contempt.

[i nd isti nct an nou ncement on PA]

How are you doi ng , Bu m p?

[Bu m p exhales]

What?

[Bu m p] How the hel l d id you get Kate to ag ree to her?

[Cl if You're a d i rty old man .

You know that? It's cal led trust.

Thoug ht you wou ld have known that by wife n u m ber th ree.

[camera cl icks]

[crowd cheeri ng]

Crash and d ie, babe.

I love you too, honey.

[eng i nes revvi ng]

[u pbeat rock m usic playi ng]

-[Bu m p] Get to center, big fella. -Little sn ug i n here.

Yeah , how about you cry about that back i n the box.

Whoa !

Whoa !

You see that?

[Bu m p] Oh! Hey, there.

-What? -U h , noth i ng , Cl iff.

We raci ng here, Bu m p?

Hel l , yeah .

What the fuck?

-You're fucki ng my wife? -Cl iff, I swear to God , no !

Oh , yes, he is.

And g uess what I never have to say when I'm bang i ng big ol' Bu m p?

-Don 't! -" Is it i n yet?"

No !

[Cl iff screams]

[Cl if I don 't know what happened to us.

I'm going to be better.

I don 't know what happened to us.

I'm going to be better.

[i naud i ble]

Trai nwreck's ready!

Do you th i n k she even knows who we are?

Baby Clara, you r daddy's gon na be

a big-ti me race car d river one day.

No.

I meant do you th i n k she knows how m uch I love you?

Cl iff. Cl iff, wake u p.

Fudge.

[narrator on TV] Three electrical values drive welding principles.

The amount of current or amperage in a current...

-[tool wh i rri ng] -Cl iff. Cl iff Steele.

My name's Dr. N i les Cau lder.

Wou ld you please nod you r head if you can u nderstand me?

I'm not sure you ever really loved me, Tom.

You know what my father used to say

about smooth tal kers l i ke you?

Everyth i ng before the "but" is baloney.

I want you to

remem ber what it felt l i ke

to move you r head .

Pictu re it i n you r m i nd .

[g i rl laug h i ng]

Now, I want you to move you r head .

Good .

Very good .

[sig hs heavi ly]

You've been i n a terri ble accident, Cl iff.

Much of you r body was rendered beyond repai r.

But we are getti ng there.

I prom ise you , we're close.

Rest.

Bu h , bu h ...

Bi rd .

[Cl if Bi rd .

Fl u h , fl u h ...

Flew.

[Cl if Fuck.

-[N i les] Flew. -[Cl if Fuck.

1 995?

Yes.

Fuck. N i neteen n i nety-fucki ng-five?

U p-u h .

[Cl if My wife. Where...

Where's my wife?

Cl iff, th is m ig ht be d ifficu lt to process.

The world th i n ks you d ied i n 1 988 .

[Cl iff gasps]

I'm not dead .

And getti ng stronger every day.

You motherfucker! What d id you do to me?

-How about we take a break? -No--

Ch ief's a good man .

Big heart. Little odd , maybe a l ittle vag ue.

But it comes from a good place.

Me, I'l l always tel l you the truth .

The Ch ief told you the world assu mes you're dead .

Did he tel l you that's because

the on ly part of you he was able to save was you r brai n?

[Cl if No.

Wh ich means we need to tal k about expectations.

What you real ly, real ly want.

[Cl if I wan na go home.

And then , we need to take those expectations,

we need to g ive them a gentle pat

and fl ush them i nto the ocean .

Wha. . . What's that?

Oh , my God . No !

No. No, wait, what's that?

I told you he wasn't ready.

Everyone deserves the truth .

[N i les] You don't look l i ke the person you used to be.

There's no getti ng arou nd that.

But...

We fou nd you some clothes.

Hopefu l ly, you'l l see you're sti l l very m uch you .

[Cl if Su re.

So, what is th is place?

My home.

A safe place for you ,

others l i ke you ,

to heal .

[Cl if Where's my wife?

What do you remem ber, Cl iff?

-Fuck you , Cl iff! Fuck you ! -What the fuck am I su pposed to...

Mom my!

[Cl if J ust tel l me she's moved on .

It's been seven years.

She th i n ks I'm dead .

She's moved on .

I wou ld have.

[Kate] Leave if you're fucki ng u n happy.

-Why don't you j ust leave? -[Cl if Who earns the money?

[shouti ng i nd isti nctly]

[Cl if I can't hold a memory.

Everyth i ng's fractu red . Everyth i ng's bad .

You're experienci ng someth i ng cal led d issociative memory.

It'l l al l come back.

The bad and the good .

We'l l get you on you r feet.

You'l l start feel i ng l i ke you rself soon enoug h .

Cl iff Steele, Larry Trai nor.

I thoug ht he m ig ht hel p you with you r recovery.

[Mr. Morden] And Larry gave Cliff the grand tour.

Wheeling him around like a couple of pony kegs

through his home, we 'll come to know as...

Doom Manor.

[Larry] I thoug ht you m ig ht l i ke some ai r.

[Cl if I can't feel the ai r.

[Larry] Sucks to be you .

[Cl if Hey, what was it l i ke getti ng bu ried i n a pyram id with you r cat?

[Larry] Yeah , a sense of h u mor hel ps here. So you'l l work on that.

[Cl if So what's you r story?

[Larry exhales]

I flew ai rplanes.

[Mr. Morden] Flew airplanes?

Please. Larry Trainor was an American god.

Air Force aviator test pilot

shortlisted for the Mercury space program.

An Atomic Age sex machine.

How's my X- 1 5?

Mm m .

Let's see. We've got 57 , 000 pou nds force of th rust.

Mach 6 ,

l i ke rid i ng a rocket sh i p between you r th ig hs.

She's a beast.

[an nou ncer on rad io] If you get a chance today, look up in the sky.

You'll see NASA 's very own rocket plane,

the X- 15, soaring into the heavens.

[ai r control] Five seconds, zero-zero-eight.

Roger.

Two, one. Lau nch .

We got a good light here, Larry.

Check your alpha and your heading.

[Mr. Morden] A pilot doesn 't reach Larry's status

by leaving anything to chance.

He was prepared for everything.

Decompression.

Very sensitive.

Harsh environment,

mechanical malfunction.

The one thing Trainor didn 't count on...

Sweet mother of God .

Was a stowaway.

Hold on , there's someth i ng u p here.

[ai r control] You're breaking up, Larry.

Say again. Repeat.

Hold on . [g roans]

[alarms beepi ng]

Larry, do you read? Let's pull it up.

[m utteri ng]

Put some G on it, Larry.

Larry! Larry, do you read?

Larry, come in.

He 's not responding.

[men shouti ng]

[Mr. Morden] What man possessed of what grit

could survive such a fall?

Or was our golden boy

newly possessed of something else ?

Larry crawled from the wreckage that day,

forever changed,

in ways that would take him decades

to even begin to understand.

-[mechan ical wh i rri ng] -[boot clan ki ng]

It is so i m portant what you're doi ng , Cl iff.

But you know, there's always tomorrow.

[Cl if What's Dri n ky's deal?

[Larry] Who? Rita?

She was an actress.

She prefers the l ig ht here i n the even i ng .

Looki ng terrific today, Rita.

Mm m .

[Cl iff sig hs] Fuck me.

[Larry] Someti mes it hel ps to pictu re a place you'd l i ke to go.

[Cl if How about u p the freaki n' steps?

[Larry] Why go u p the steps at al l?

[Cl if I can't wal k !

I can't feel ! I can't eat,

I can't smel l , can't sh it. I can't fuck

and I'd l i ke to be able to do one fucki ng th i ng for myself

when I kiss you and the other fucki ng Mu nster here

the sweet fuck good bye.

H i , Daddy.

[N i les] Seeing your daughter, that's good.

That means you r memories are com i ng back.

Maybe she's j ust the i nspi ration you need .

Has anyone ever left th is place?

Some have.

Some come and go.

Others l i ke Larry and Rita prefer to stay.

Rita has her kn itti ng .

Larry, h is horticu ltu re.

But to be perfectly honest, those who leave

fi nd it's often more d ifficu lt for the world out there

to accept who they've become than they do.

I n better news,

I can see no mechan ical reason

why you shou ld n't be able to wal k.

Keep going, Cliff.

You're nearly there.

Aren't you su pposed to be not wal ki ng?

[Cl if Yeah .

And?

I'm remem beri ng .

[Rita sig hs]

You used to do th is?

[Cl if Yeah .

Arou nd and arou nd . That's it?

Yeah .

You were i n the movies?

Pictu res.

[Mr. Morden] Lovely Rita.

Queen of '50s cinema.

Some critics called her the poor man 's Deborah Kerr,

some critics called her the rich man 's Yvette Vickers.

Critics. What do they know?

They're gonna hate this show.

And action !

" Dearest Mother, today was a fi ne h u nt i n the bush .

Tom took down a kud u whose horns wi l l look mag n ificent. "

Sorry.

[exhales]

"Whose horns wi l l look. . . "

Rita. Please. He's the best focus pu l ler i n Africa.

[scoffs] He's an eyesore, Charles. A real l iabi l ity.

What if we cover u p the arm?

-A d ifferent set of clothes. -Get rid of h i m .

But the crew, they adore h i m .

So put h is name on the marq uee.

Now, Rita, you're gon na step onto th is gang plan k here.

The crocod i le wi l l tu rn u p there.

You'l l scream bloody m u rder.

And Joe'l l blast 'er to Betsy.

You th i n k you can hand le it?

Of cou rse.

It's fi ne.

It's total ly fi ne.

G reat.

Tu rn over. Let's go.

[man] Forbidden Congo, scene n i ne, take one.

[d i rector] Ready, Rita?

And action .

[Rita exhales]

[d i rector] Now u p the gang plan k, Rita.

There you go.

Li ke it's a lovely day. And you're...

[yel ps]

Why are you j ust stand i ng there? Hel p her!

Hel p her!

[gaspi ng]

[man coug h i ng]

[Rita coug h i ng]

I'm fi ne. I'm total ly fi ne.

Towel .

What?

What is wrong with you? You've never gone for a swi m?

Towel !

What are you stari ng at?

[gaspi ng]

-[woman cryi ng] -[man retches]

[Rita g roan i ng]

[Mr. Morden] And away she ran.

Monstrous Rita.

Eventually finding her way to the only place

she would ever feel safe and unjudged.

Sitting next to a brain...

Consuming the first of what would be three rotisserie chickens.

One step.

So I don't g ut myself.

[Clara] Daddy.

[Cl if I used to hold my daug hter's hands when she was learn i ng to wal k.

And she always wanted to go up the steps.

Always wanted to go up.

Even after she could do it,

after I'd g iven her the tools, you know,

she'd j ust stand there every ti me,

wanti ng me to hel p her.

And I wou ld get so pissed .

"J ust wal k u p the goddam n steps, okay?"

[Larry] So, wal k u p the goddam n steps.

One more, Daddy.

-[Cl if There you go, baby g i rl . -You d id it, Daddy!

[laug h i ng]

Yeah !

Yeah !

My fam i ly th i n ks I d ied i n a car crash seven years ago.

My daug hter's probably g rown u p without a father.

My wife's probably moved on .

But they deserve to know.

And they can decide what to do with it.

Than k you for everyth i ng you've done.

But th is...

Isn't me.

I'm th ri l led beyond bel ief for you , that you're wal ki ng ,

that you fi nal ly feel l i ke you .

Al l I wanted was to g ive you a gentle place to land .

A second chance.

And I appreciate that.

I th i n k you're ready to l isten to th is.

It's the phone message I used to recreate you r voice.

I th i n k it'l l hel p you

u nderstand how you r brai n's been alteri ng you r memories

to hel p you cope.

[Cl iff on tape] I don 't know what happened to us.

I'm going to be better.

[stops tape]

[tape rewi nd i ng]

[answeri ng mach i ne beeps]

I don 't know what happened to us.

I'm going to be better.

-[rock m usic playi ng] -[Cl iff scream i ng]

Whoa !

[al l cheeri ng]

Yeah ! That's how you get it done, son .

-[crowd gaspi ng] -[g roan i ng]

Whoo !

[moans]

[answeri ng mach i ne beeps]

I don't know what happened to us.

I'm goi ng to be better.

-I know it's late. -[Kate] Hello ?

Hey.

H i .

I don't know if you even care how sorry I am .

Go on.

Who wants pancakes?

Cl iff!

[Cl if No !

[ti res screech i ng]

[i nd isti nct rad io chatter]

You're okay.

[Cl if No. Kate !

Oh , God . No.

Clara. What happened to Clara?

I'm afraid you were the on ly su rvivor.

[Cl if No ! No, no !

No, no !

No, no, no !

No !

I can't feel pai n .

No matter how hard I h it,

where I h it, what I h it,

I can't feel pai n .

That's m ig hty sh itty of you , Doc.

[Mr. Morden] And the years passed.

And it's all so depressing. I just can 't.

That's a new bu i ld i ng next to the pol ice station .

What's it say?

[Cl if Li brary.

You r handwriti ng is an abom i nation .

[Cl if Robot fi ngers.

[Rita] Mm m .

[g i rl] Daddy, I'm home !

Oh , good ie. She's back.

-[Larry] Rita. -Comes and goes as she pleases,

l i ke she owns the place.

Who?

[Mr. Morden] Who indeed.

Meet Jane. Some people call her Crazy Jane.

Sixty-four personas, each with its own special power.

[Jane] Ha-ha !

For example, here comes Silvia.

Spooky voice, a bit moody.

[Si lvia] I'm not sleepy.

I want to speak to Jane.

[Mr. Morden] And watch now. Here comes Hammerhead.

This one 's kind of an asshole.

[Ham merhead] Except Jane's not here, you sissy l ittle bitch .

[Cl if She's i n a mood .

[Larry] Wh ich one of her is i n a mood?

What the fuck?

-Is that. . . -Ham merhead , th is is Cl iff.

[Ham merhead scoffs]

Is he a toy?

Ham merhead !

-Are you a toy? -[Cl if Yeah .

Heard you the fi rst ti me. Are you a ravi ng douche?

Hel lo, Ham merhead . Good to see you .

[i m itates Rita] Fuck off and d ie, Rita.

[N i les sig hs]

[Ham merhead] Ooh !

Th is you r pad , big g uy?

[laug hs]

You r man cave?

Where the mag ic happens?

Come on . Show me what you got.

What ki nd of man stuff you got i n here?

[Cl if Cars.

Yeah .

Little toy cars for a l ittle toy man .

I bet it gets real wi ld i n there.

I n the wee-wee hou rs of the n ig ht,

when you th i n k no one's watch i ng ...

[Cl if Anyone ever tel l you to sh ut you r fucki ng hole?

Or what?

Little toybot does what?

Jane.

Cl iff.

The Robotman .

Ham merhead told me you met.

[Cl if She tel l you she g rabbed my j u n k?

Ham merhead doesn't kiss and tel l .

[Cl if How long you been busti ng the Ch ief's bal ls?

Long before you got here.

Seventies.

You know how it is when you meet the Ch ief.

Best day of my l ife.

It wasn't al l Ham merhead's fau lt last n ig ht.

Next week's my daug hter's bi rthday.

Pretty m uch the 30th year

straig ht that I haven't been with her.

I'm a l ittle on edge, I g uess.

[Mr. Morden] And so it was.

After a brief misunderstanding

-in which junk was grabbed. . . -[th u nder ru m bl i ng]

...Robotman met Jane.

And all was right and all was good.

For now.

[Cl if It's getti ng dark.

Jane?

No.

I'm the Hang man's Daug hter.

[Cl if Okay.

Do you remem ber what it felt l i ke?

What?

To be normal .

Li ke them .

Someti mes I try to remem ber.

Someti mes I hope I sti l l wi l l be.

I don't even know what to hope for.

My pai nti ng's ru i ned .

Everyth i ng's gone wrong .

[Cl if Come i n out of the rai n .

-Georgie, get back here. -Why should I?

All you ever do is talk about the war.

[Mr. Morden] And life in Dumb Manor proceeded accordingly.

So much so, the Chief felt comfortable enough

to resume his occasional travels.

[Rita on TV] Why did you bring me here ?

I won't be gone long .

[al l] But there are mysterious th i ngs i n th is world

that bear keepi ng an eye on .

So go, I m ust.

[sig hs heavi ly] So, we u nderstand each other.

Bri ng a condom .

And you , behave.

I'l l be back i n a few days.

[Cl if Bye, Dad .

[Mr. Morden] Indifferent as they seemed,

it did occur to each and every one,

it had been a long time since all four

were in the house without dear Father.

Why, they could do anything. [ch uckles]

Anything at all.

Groan.

Ugh!

Wait.

[Jane] Hon k, hon k.

[Mr. Morden] Oh ?

Is that my bus?

[Rita] What on Earth are you doi ng?

[Jane] What are we doi ng?

We're goi ng i nto town .

After the Ch ief expl icitly asked us not to.

Th is is you r most reckless scheme yet, Jane.

Crazy Jane.

[Cl if I'm i n .

Shocki ng .

[Jane] Larry?

[Larry] U m , does it matter to any of you that the Ch ief th i n ks we're not ready?

No.

-Rita? -Don't be rid icu lous.

Oh , come on .

There's a whole world out there waiti ng to be seen .

That hasn't seen you i n 60 years.

I see what you're doi ng .

Playi ng my ego.

I won't be played .

Okay.

Happy kn itti ng .

-Larry. -[Larry] Don't.

[Rita] Larry.

[g roans]

[u pbeat m usic playi ng]

Don't say a word .

You look n ice.

Of cou rse, I do.

Don't wait u p.

Wh ich one of you has any money?

[romantic m usic playi ng]

Be with you i n a second , hon .

[people m u rm u ri ng]

-You okay? -Al l good .

Al most there.

I don't get it.

You said it was you r daug hter's bi rthday.

Oh !

There is noth i ng , noth i ng l i ke a malted .

Am I rig ht?

You know, th is is crazy.

You even tal k l i ke her, you know that?

Who?

Rita Farr.

Actress from the '50s.

My dad made me watch al l her movies.

Made you?

She m ust have been the on ly actress that I was ever, l i ke,

"You know what? I cou ld hang with her. "

I mean , she was cool and sexy,

but a broad , too.

I mean , Three Guns To Santa Fe ?

El Paso. Three Guns To El Paso.

Okay, so you do know her.

I don't know.

Mostly, I loved her,

'cause it meant I get to spend extra ti me with my dad .

It was a toug h ti me i n ou r l ives,

but Rita Farr, she got us th roug h .

Sit.

Tel l me.

About my dad?

No.

[sig hs]

[Cl if One day a year, I had one job.

Buy the present.

It was my favorite day.

The accident was a few days before her bi rthday,

and I was so ang ry by then

at myself, my wife,

I cou ld n't see past my own bu l lsh it, and then I forgot.

You forgot to buy you r daug hter a bi rthday present?

[Cl if I was busy. Fucki ng the nan ny.

You id iot.

Yeah .

And now I'm total ly stressed .

[Cl iff ch uckles] Oh , God . I wou ld so fuck that joi nt u p.

Except it's m i ne, so fuck off.

Anyth i ng?

[Cl iff g roans]

[cou ntry m usic playi ng]

Pardon me.

Wou ld you m i nd if I ordered a d ri n k?

What'l l it be?

I want a beer.

And then there was that African pictu re.

Forbidden Congo.

Forbidden dookie.

Oh , come on .

I heard she fel l i l l .

They replaced her m id-pictu re.

-She was a d ru n k. -No.

And there was that whole porn th i ng .

The what?

Rita Farr?

Oh , trust me. My dad had d uffel bags fu l l of the stuff.

You r father said Rita Farr was doi ng porn?

Fu l l on .

[Cl if How pissed do you th i n k the Ch ief wou ld be

knowi ng we were out here bei ng gawked at?

I honestly don't g ive a fuck.

Nope. Not buyi ng it.

What?

I th i n k you care a lot about what he th i n ks.

You don't know me.

You need h i m l i ke the rest of us do.

Hey, I hate to say it, but I need h i m ,

to get my l ife back, or whatever that looks l i ke.

If you want you r l ife back, why don't you j ust cal l her?

Who?

You r daug hter.

My daug hter's dead .

-Accord i ng to? -My daug hter's dead .

Oh .

Because you can confi rm that?

Mu lti ple sou rces?

It's al l over the I nternet, man !

You r sh itty d rivi ng .

Wife, Kate, decapitated .

Daug hter, Clara, sole su rvivor.

Sh ut u p, Jane.

There are th ree Clara Steeles i n the U n ited States.

My daug hter's dead .

Let's fi nd out.

No !

Asshole !

[Mr. Morden] Larry knew they were staring at him,

and, yes, it bothered him,

but not for reasons one might think.

The truth is, Larry Trainor had felt like a monster

long before he ever was one.

[ai r control] We got a good light here, Larry.

[Larry] Hold on . There's someth i ng u p here.

[ai r control] Larry, Larry, do you read?

Larry, come in.

[panti ng]

He's al ive !

Get a med ic!

Larry.

[Mr. Morden] And the sadder truth was,

he 'd finally become what he had once felt like only inside.

No.

[waitress] Su re you don't want any dessert?

J ust the check, please.

Hey!

Is there a problem , ma'am?

No, Officer.

The on ly problem I see is you , pig .

[Cl if Oh , here we go.

No. Not now.

[Cl if Officers, my friend here is maybe a l ittle depressed ,

maybe a l ittle h ig h .

But she takes it al l back.

Take it back, Ham merhead .

Wh ich one of you motherfuckers wants me to jerk a knot i n you r ass?

[Cl if Fuck me.

[woman scream i ng]

[people scream i ng]

[ti res screech i ng]

What the hel l is that?

Rita.

[brakes screech i ng]

Oh , God . Rita.

[people scream i ng]

No.

No, no, no, no.

Rita !

Rita !

Can you hear me?

Rita !

Rita ! Fucki ng bitch .

Get a g ri p on you rself.

[Larry panti ng]

No, no, no, no ! [g roans]

[woman scream i ng]

What the hel l?

[Cl if What do we do?

No, we're not doi n' that!

What do we do? What do we do?

What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?

Get back. Get back.

U h . . . U h ...

U m . . . Oh !

[al l wh i m peri ng]

[Rita] I wan na go home.

[Cl if We can do that.

[news anchor on TV] In local news today,

the fifth annual dog parade benefiting...

[Mr. Morden] Look at them.

Staring into the boob tube,

moping on the day's destruction,

utterly clueless to the danger

their little field trip had brought to their door.

[reporter] Apparently, it was some sort of g iant blob ru n amok,

u nti l what some witnesses descri bed as a "robot man"

created th is barrier made of...

-Wel l , made of Mai n Street, Bi l l . -[don key brays]

[door opens]

Daddy's home.

[N i les] I warned you not to leave.

I begged you .

You have no idea what you've done.

It wasn't that bad .

"Bad" doesn 't begin to describe what befell Cloverton today, Bill.

[Bi l l] Thank you, Wendy.

[Mr. Morden] It's always uncomfortable, isn 't it,

when Daddy gets scared?

As well he should be.

Niles Caulder should be shitting his pants.

He knows what's coming.

He 'd be a fool not to.

You don 't spend decades tap dancing on hornets' nests,

and not expect to be stung.

Niles Caulder had enemies.

Enemies he could no longer hide from.

[N i les] Whether you real ize it or not,

you r actions...

You r actions have conseq uences,

and those conseq uences are com i ng to th is house,

to the town .

[N i les sig hs]

Of that, there's no dou bt.

You real ly th i n k we're i n danger, Ch ief?

That we need to pick u p and ru n?

That's what you real ly, real ly th i n k?

As far away as possi ble,

as soon as we can .

What happens to the town?

The town is not my mai n concern .

So, the town gets screwed?

You've done q u ite enoug h to th is town ,

than k you .

Th is is bu l lsh it.

[N i les] Don't you start with me.

You and I both know

th is field tri p was for l ittle more than you r own am usement.

[Cl if So, now she's the bad g uy?

Okay, let's tal k about you , Ch ief.

You told me my daug hter was dead !

I was tryi ng to protect you .

[Cl if By lyi ng?

I'm tryi ng to protect you now.

Do you honestly th i n k she wou ld have accepted you?

[Cl if Did I get a chance to try?

She lost her mother, her father.

I don't know if she wou ld have accepted me.

You robbed me of that chance.

What am I to her now?

I'm noth i ng .

I'm a monster.

I assu re you , there are many monsters i n th is world ,

and none of them ,

not a one, is you .

I've tried so hard to sh ield you .

And I know what I'm aski ng you .

To leave the safest place you've ever known ,

to step out i nto the world that wou ld rather ig nore you ,

sh u n you ,

bel ittle you .

But if you stay here,

if we d ie now,

then th is mag ical experi ment,

th is you ,

my l ife accom pl ish ments,

al l ,

it wi l l j ust...

It wi l l ...

[Cl if Or we don't abandon the town .

We protect them from these so-cal led enem ies.

We fig ht.

We cou ld .

But we'd be doomed .

[Cl if What are we now?

[Larry] I'm goi ng to go with the Ch ief.

Ag reed .

Fuck it.

Shotg u n .

Hey, for the record ,

the town can kiss my ass.

But that doesn't mean Cl iff shou ld go i n there alone.

It's over, Jane. Let it go.

Okay, except I vote we tu rn arou nd .

-No. -Rita?

I can't prom ise I won't, you know, be d isg usti ng .

But, yes.

[Larry g roans]

Larry?

Larry's a yes.

Whoo !

Th is is wrong .

Mig ht be.

Probably is.

We'l l be back.

[Mr. Morden] And there they go,

our four lovable losers,

banding together to become the superhero fighting force

no one saw coming except everybody.

But fear not.

There 's a way out of this dreck.

Follow me.

[ru m bl i ng]

It's fi ne.

It's total ly fi ne.

Parag uay.

Yes, N i les.

Parag uay.

Always, Parag uay.

Morden .

Su re.

But not.

I mean , I haven't been Mr. Morden si nce,

"Ah h !

No ! Hel p me. "

[laug hs]

-[rock m usic playi ng] -[ru m bl i ng conti n ues]

[farti ng loud ly]

I've been ad m i ri ng you r friends, N i les,

those freaks of you rs, for q u ite some ti me.

Don't you dare h u rt them .

H u rt them? No.

That wou ld n't be any fu n .

[laug hs] No.

That wou ld be q u ite the same old story, wou ld n't it?

I th i n k we're gon na do someth i ng d ifferent th is ti me.

You were rig ht i n one respect, however.

They are q u ite doomed .

[Cl if What the fuck?