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1
00:00:01,483 --> 00:00:04,173
[♪♪♪]
2
00:00:08,266 --> 00:00:10,226
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
3
00:00:12,433 --> 00:00:14,383
Oh...
4
00:00:14,416 --> 00:00:15,416
CHILDREN [SCREAMING]:
Fran!
5
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:17,230
MAXWELL:
Niles!
6
00:00:17,266 --> 00:00:20,176
Was it as good for you
as it was for me?
7
00:00:22,830 --> 00:00:25,120
Actually, Niles,
I was faking it.
Hm.
8
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:28,320
Hi, Fran.
9
00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:30,130
Oh, hi, sweetie.
10
00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:32,366
See some of the kids are going
to the Hamptons for the
weekend.
11
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,180
Oh, great.
12
00:00:34,216 --> 00:00:35,396
Will there be boys there?
13
00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:37,373
Um, maybe a few.
14
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,320
Fun. Parents?
15
00:00:39,350 --> 00:00:41,160
Ah, who cares?
16
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,180
They'll just get
in the way anyway.
17
00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:43,366
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
18
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,660
Go, have a blast.
19
00:00:45,100 --> 00:00:47,270
We don't even
have to tell your father.
20
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,120
Really?
21
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,300
Oh, sure.
And when I'm fired,
and you're in the
convent,
22
00:00:51,333 --> 00:00:52,433
we'll write each
other
letters...
23
00:00:52,466 --> 00:00:54,396
[SNAPS]
...and laugh about this.
24
00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:57,283
But, Maxwell,
25
00:00:57,316 --> 00:01:00,826
how can you say no
to working with
Philipe?
26
00:01:00,116 --> 00:01:02,316
He's an avant-garde
genius.
27
00:01:02,350 --> 00:01:04,100
Guilty as charged.
28
00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:06,403
And I've put a new
twist
on the tragedy.
29
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:10,103
We follow
Romeo and Juliet to heaven
30
00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:12,003
and have a happy ending.
31
00:01:12,330 --> 00:01:15,130
You're rewriting
one of the greatest
love stories of all time?
32
00:01:15,166 --> 00:01:16,466
We're adding
a few scenes.
33
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,150
But we're
taking out
others.
34
00:01:18,183 --> 00:01:19,383
[SCOFFS]
35
00:01:19,416 --> 00:01:20,446
Which ones?
36
00:01:20,483 --> 00:01:23,003
The ones
that don't
work.
37
00:01:23,330 --> 00:01:24,280
Well, I'm
sorry,
Philipe,
38
00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:27,116
but we British have a thing
about mutilating
Shakespeare.
39
00:01:27,150 --> 00:01:29,430
The Queen comes and
hits you with her
purse.
40
00:01:30,416 --> 00:01:32,326
But I bet you have
a big name to star.
41
00:01:32,366 --> 00:01:34,266
I'm looking
for
an unknown.
42
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:37,830
A fresh face
with a unique voice.
43
00:01:37,116 --> 00:01:40,376
FRAN:
It's in the medicine chest!
44
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:46,130
Between the corn pads
and the Monistat 7!
45
00:01:47,283 --> 00:01:49,273
I've found my Juliet!
46
00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:51,246
What?
47
00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:55,480
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
48
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,350
♪♪ She was workingIn a bridal shop ♪♪
49
00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:59,153
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
50
00:01:59,183 --> 00:02:00,423
♪♪ Till her boyfriendKicked her out ♪♪
51
00:02:00,450 --> 00:02:02,200
♪♪In one ofThose crushing scenes ♪♪
52
00:02:02,233 --> 00:02:03,473
♪♪ What was she to do?Where was she to go? ♪♪
53
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:07,000
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
54
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:08,280
♪♪ So over the bridgeFrom Flushing ♪♪
55
00:02:08,316 --> 00:02:10,326
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
56
00:02:10,660 --> 00:02:11,150
♪♪ She was thereTo sell makeup ♪♪
57
00:02:11,183 --> 00:02:12,353
♪♪ But the father saw more ♪♪
58
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:13,373
♪♪ She had styleShe had flair ♪♪
59
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,120
♪♪ She was there ♪♪
60
00:02:15,150 --> 00:02:18,000
♪♪ That's how she becameThe nanny ♪♪
61
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:20,450
♪♪ Who would have guessed thatThe girl we've described
62
00:02:20,483 --> 00:02:23,183
♪♪ Was just exactlyWhat the doctor prescribed?♪♪
63
00:02:23,216 --> 00:02:24,296
♪♪ Now the fatherFinds her beguiling ♪♪
64
00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:26,333
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
65
00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:27,280
♪♪ And the kidsAre actually smiling ♪♪
66
00:02:27,316 --> 00:02:28,376
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
67
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:30,176
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
68
00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:34,156
♪♪ When everybody elseIs wearing tan ♪♪
69
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,220
♪♪ The flashy girlFrom Flushing ♪♪
70
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,220
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
71
00:02:45,283 --> 00:02:46,353
Can you imagine anything
72
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:50,153
more ridiculous
than me doing Shakespeare?
73
00:02:50,183 --> 00:02:52,173
Well, yes.
People paying to see
it.
74
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,160
[LAUGHS]
75
00:02:54,283 --> 00:02:55,483
Hah-ha.
76
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,660
I'll have you know,
that in high school,
77
00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:01,130
I played the Reverend
Mother
inThe Sound of Music.
78
00:03:01,166 --> 00:03:04,126
I put a low, scooped neck
into my nun's habit,
79
00:03:04,166 --> 00:03:05,996
and those hills were alive.
80
00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:08,000
[SNAPS]
[MAXWELL
CHUCKLES]
81
00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:11,153
We didThe Sound of Music.
82
00:03:11,183 --> 00:03:12,433
I played the Baroness.
83
00:03:14,450 --> 00:03:17,280
It was an all-boys school.
84
00:03:17,316 --> 00:03:19,656
Thank God I didn't
play the guitar.
85
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,270
I would have been Maria.
86
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,380
Fran, you can't be
in the play.
87
00:03:22,416 --> 00:03:24,156
Yeah, who would do our laundry?
88
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:25,120
Clean our room?
89
00:03:25,150 --> 00:03:26,250
Wait on us hand and foot?
90
00:03:26,283 --> 00:03:28,273
Well, the same person
that always does.
91
00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:30,200
Niles.
Hm.
92
00:03:30,233 --> 00:03:31,323
Besides, if I do it,
93
00:03:31,350 --> 00:03:33,370
it would only be
for a couple of weeks.
94
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:37,100
Actually, I could rehearse
while the kids are at school.
95
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,353
I think not.
96
00:03:38,383 --> 00:03:40,173
Why think you not?
97
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,380
I could use a life
outside of this house.
98
00:03:42,416 --> 00:03:44,096
Me too.
99
00:03:44,133 --> 00:03:45,473
Which is why you should
let me go to the Hamptons.
100
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,150
Uh, nice try.
101
00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:48,253
Forget it.
102
00:03:48,283 --> 00:03:50,333
Miss Fine, taking care
of the children
103
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:51,250
is a full-time job.
104
00:03:51,283 --> 00:03:54,303
Oh, and I suppose
it was my idea to have three?
105
00:03:55,450 --> 00:03:58,160
What you do in your spare time
is entirely your own affair.
106
00:03:58,500 --> 00:03:59,270
I'm simply trying to protect you
107
00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:02,000
from having an embarrassing
theatrical experience.
108
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,200
We know what that's like,
don't we, sir?
109
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:10,330
You know, if some people
aren't a little more
supportive,
110
00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:13,300
I might omit them
from my Oscar speech.
111
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:16,163
Tony, Miss Fine.
You'd win a
Tony,
not an Oscar.
112
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:17,220
Actually, for
an off-Broadway
performance,
113
00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:18,420
Miss Fine
would win the Obie.
114
00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:21,150
She's not going
to win anything.
115
00:04:21,183 --> 00:04:24,273
Well, thank you
for that vote of confidence.
116
00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:26,170
That's it, I'm playing Juliet.
117
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,270
And nothing
is going to stop me.
118
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:29,450
And I'm going
to the Hamptons--
119
00:04:29,483 --> 00:04:31,403
Sit down, Margaret.
120
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,660
Okay.
121
00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:44,250
Okay, Niles,
will you play Romeo?
122
00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:46,503
Isn't he too old?
123
00:04:48,366 --> 00:04:50,446
Well, actually,
Juliet's supposed to be my
age,
124
00:04:50,483 --> 00:04:53,663
so it's not
like Fran's...
125
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:57,100
not perfect for the role.
126
00:04:57,133 --> 00:04:58,383
Mm.
127
00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:01,246
I warn you, my acting prowess
may blow you off the stage.
128
00:05:01,283 --> 00:05:04,103
They're still talking
about my Baroness.
129
00:05:04,133 --> 00:05:05,403
I can't stop
thinking about
it,
130
00:05:05,433 --> 00:05:08,153
and I didn't
even
see it.
131
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:11,233
And I spent my summers
in Stratford-upon-Avon.
132
00:05:11,266 --> 00:05:14,126
I spent my summers
selling Avon.
133
00:05:17,416 --> 00:05:20,316
Oh, she doth teach
the torches to burn bright.
134
00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:22,420
It seems she hangs upon
the cheek of night.
Niles.
135
00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:24,320
Niles...
What?
136
00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:26,330
Don't I come in here somewhere?
137
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,660
Anon. Anon.
138
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:29,180
Beauty too rich
for youth but a--
139
00:05:29,216 --> 00:05:31,826
All right. Back
off,
Baroness.
140
00:05:31,116 --> 00:05:32,176
And by the way,
141
00:05:32,216 --> 00:05:33,446
you're supposed to
dust the scenery,
142
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,130
not chew it.
143
00:05:35,166 --> 00:05:37,266
Well, pity.
Show me how it's done,
Mistress Fine.
144
00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:40,350
Well, I will if you'll
just "shut-y uppeth."
145
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,660
All for a falconer's voice
146
00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:48,220
to lure this tasseled
Gentile back again.
147
00:05:52,316 --> 00:05:55,116
It's gentle, not Gentile.
148
00:05:56,366 --> 00:05:57,396
How the hell should I know?
149
00:05:57,433 --> 00:05:59,303
Did I look down his tights?
150
00:06:03,233 --> 00:06:04,423
I still can't understand
151
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:07,380
why Philipe would hire
Miss Fine to play
Juliet?
152
00:06:07,416 --> 00:06:09,126
Oh, please.
153
00:06:09,166 --> 00:06:11,466
Only an idiot would hire her
to do anything...
154
00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:15,430
In the theater.
155
00:06:20,333 --> 00:06:23,163
Oh, oh,
Mr. Sheffield,
um,
156
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:25,000
if you've got a minute,
I could use your help.
157
00:06:25,330 --> 00:06:28,150
That's the understatement
of the century.
158
00:06:28,183 --> 00:06:30,333
Meanwhile, if we put
an apple in his
mouth,
159
00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:32,220
we can have a luau.
Hm.
160
00:06:33,366 --> 00:06:34,466
Here, let me see.
161
00:06:35,316 --> 00:06:37,446
Oh, I just love this play.
162
00:06:37,483 --> 00:06:39,103
More torches here.
163
00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:42,133
Ah, sirrah, by my fay,
it waxes late.
164
00:06:42,166 --> 00:06:44,096
See? That's exactly
what I'm talking
about.
165
00:06:44,133 --> 00:06:47,283
Who the hell is Fay?
And why is she
waxing
during a party?
166
00:06:48,416 --> 00:06:50,476
[LAUGHS]
Good luck.
167
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,230
Shall I play Romeo
to your Juliet?
168
00:06:52,266 --> 00:06:54,326
Four, three, two...
169
00:06:54,366 --> 00:06:56,116
What took you so long?
170
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,483
All right. So now
we're star-crossed lovers.
171
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,350
Uh, let's get some physical
realism into this, shall we?
172
00:07:03,383 --> 00:07:06,503
Oh, Mr. Sheffield.
173
00:07:06,830 --> 00:07:07,180
No, no, I mean,
174
00:07:07,216 --> 00:07:09,496
I'm gonna put you
on your balcony.
175
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:10,170
Oh. Okay.
176
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,350
All right.
177
00:07:11,383 --> 00:07:14,253
Now, Juliet
is dreaming of her Romeo.
178
00:07:14,283 --> 00:07:16,663
Right.
And she says...
179
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,170
[SIGHS]
180
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,330
Why me?
181
00:07:20,383 --> 00:07:23,403
O, speak again, bright angel.
182
00:07:23,433 --> 00:07:26,503
Oh, Romeo, Romeo...
183
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:28,370
Yes, now, uh, maybe we could
have it a little more lilting.
184
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:29,480
Just a bit more melodic.
185
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,000
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Melodic. [CLEARS THROAT]
186
00:07:32,330 --> 00:07:35,350
[SINGSONG]
Oh, Romeo. Romeo.
187
00:07:35,383 --> 00:07:38,123
Yeah. Just a little too
melodic,
I think.
188
00:07:38,150 --> 00:07:39,230
Uh, let me show you.
189
00:07:39,266 --> 00:07:40,266
Okay, sure.
190
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:41,330
He's gonna show us.
191
00:07:41,366 --> 00:07:43,216
Ahem.
All
right.
192
00:07:43,250 --> 00:07:48,480
Oh, Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou, Romeo?
193
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:52,280
Deny thy father
and refuse thy name.
194
00:07:52,316 --> 00:07:56,096
Wow. You British guys
really know how to play
women.
195
00:07:56,133 --> 00:07:57,133
Uh...
196
00:07:57,166 --> 00:07:58,276
[CHUCKLES]
197
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,300
We, uh--
We did this play in college.
198
00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:05,133
Oh. You must have been
the perfect Romeo.
199
00:08:05,166 --> 00:08:07,326
No, I was
Friar Lawrence, actually.
200
00:08:07,366 --> 00:08:10,416
That's the problem going
to school with Jeremy
Irons.
201
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:13,430
All right, uh...
let's go on.
202
00:08:13,466 --> 00:08:15,326
Okay.
203
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:19,220
Romeo, doth thy name and...
204
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,660
take all of me.
205
00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:26,273
I take thee at thy word.
206
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:30,220
Call me but love,
and I'll be new baptized.
207
00:08:30,250 --> 00:08:32,830
You know,
if I were directing this,
208
00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:34,296
I'd go in a whole
different direction.
209
00:08:36,330 --> 00:08:38,450
Good night, good night.
210
00:08:38,483 --> 00:08:41,453
Parting is
such sweet
sorrow.
211
00:08:41,483 --> 00:08:46,403
Sleep dwell in thine eyes,
peace in thy breast.
212
00:08:46,433 --> 00:08:51,373
Oh, would I were sleep
and peace, so sweet to rest...
213
00:08:56,150 --> 00:09:00,230
You know, because
this lovey-dovey stuff
has just been done to death.
214
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,230
You know?
215
00:09:05,150 --> 00:09:07,180
Much better.
216
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,370
Yeah, I...
217
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,450
I think I'm starting
to get the hang of it
now.
218
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,170
Of course, I'm gonna need
a lot of coaching.
219
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:35,433
Hah-hah!
220
00:09:35,466 --> 00:09:37,096
Hah-hah, hah-hah!
221
00:09:37,133 --> 00:09:38,253
[TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENT]:
I'm Dracula.
222
00:09:38,283 --> 00:09:40,663
I'm going to suck out
all your blood
223
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:41,350
and bury you alive!
224
00:09:41,383 --> 00:09:43,103
You don't scare me.
225
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:45,423
All right, fine.
I'm the C.C. monster.
226
00:09:45,450 --> 00:09:47,660
And I'm gonna marry Dad
227
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:49,200
and send you away
to boarding school!
228
00:09:49,233 --> 00:09:50,303
[SCREAMS]
229
00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:53,180
MAXWELL:
Children!
230
00:09:53,216 --> 00:09:55,416
Children. Children!
231
00:09:55,450 --> 00:09:58,370
Children! Be quiet!
232
00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,480
Oh.
233
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,100
Jeez, Dad, you don't
have to scream about it.
234
00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:04,333
Look, I've already
sent you to bed five times.
235
00:10:04,366 --> 00:10:05,426
What are you doing
still up?
236
00:10:05,466 --> 00:10:06,996
Well, I'm not tired.
237
00:10:07,330 --> 00:10:08,270
Well, maybe that
has something to do
238
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:11,330
with the pound of
chocolate
I told you not to eat.
239
00:10:11,660 --> 00:10:12,170
You know, I think it was
240
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,230
the gallon of cola
you told me not to drink.
241
00:10:14,266 --> 00:10:16,246
Mm. And what's
your excuse?
242
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,303
Well, you tucked me in wrong.
243
00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:20,833
Obviously.
244
00:10:20,116 --> 00:10:22,156
You got out.
245
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,300
Now, go on. Off to bed,
both of you.
246
00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:27,176
Just give me
one good reason
247
00:10:27,216 --> 00:10:29,156
why I can't go
to the Hamptons.
248
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:30,230
I won't let you.
249
00:10:30,266 --> 00:10:32,096
Look, Margaret,
you're much too
young
250
00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:33,233
to go away
for the
weekend.
251
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:35,126
By the time
Juliet was my age,
252
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:36,296
she had already
gotten married,
253
00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:38,433
had sex and died.
254
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:40,496
Well, n-now you
see
what happens
255
00:10:40,830 --> 00:10:41,430
when you don't
listen
to your father.
256
00:10:45,233 --> 00:10:48,233
Niles, I'm thinking of
changing
the childrens' bedtime.
257
00:10:48,266 --> 00:10:49,316
Oh, to when, sir?
258
00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:51,130
Right after school.
259
00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:55,833
I can't believe
Miss Fine isn't back yet.
260
00:10:55,116 --> 00:10:57,176
I can't believe what's
happened to my roast.
261
00:10:57,216 --> 00:10:58,996
It's starting to bear
a strange resemblance
262
00:10:59,330 --> 00:11:01,230
to Hume Cronyn.
Hm.
263
00:11:01,266 --> 00:11:04,266
I mean, how much rehearsal
can one person need?
264
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:08,660
Oh. Right.
265
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,180
But still...
266
00:11:09,216 --> 00:11:11,176
Oh, hi, guys.
267
00:11:11,216 --> 00:11:13,996
Forsooth, am I pooped.
Hm-hm.
268
00:11:14,330 --> 00:11:15,280
Dinner is
coming right up.
269
00:11:15,316 --> 00:11:18,326
Oh, Niles,
I already ate.
270
00:11:18,366 --> 00:11:19,996
You couldn't
have called?
271
00:11:20,330 --> 00:11:21,330
Well...
Never mind.
272
00:11:21,366 --> 00:11:22,446
Ruined anyway.
273
00:11:22,483 --> 00:11:24,223
Oh...
274
00:11:25,133 --> 00:11:26,483
Boy, is he moody.
275
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,330
Well, you, uh,
are rather late.
276
00:11:29,366 --> 00:11:31,376
What are you two,
on the same cycle?
277
00:11:33,133 --> 00:11:34,233
What's the problem?
278
00:11:34,266 --> 00:11:37,656
Oh, you couldn't
handle the kids?
279
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:39,830
Oh, don't make me laugh.
280
00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:40,196
What, do you think
the minute you leave,
281
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,163
the entire house falls apart?
282
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,270
Oh. Oh...
283
00:11:44,366 --> 00:11:45,466
No, don't
go
in there.
284
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,120
Why not?
285
00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:48,170
Well, use the back
stairs.
They're closer.
286
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,230
No, they're not.
Yes, they are.
287
00:11:49,266 --> 00:11:51,176
Are not.
Are so, I measured.
288
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:54,000
Okay.
289
00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:55,330
Too slow.
[GROANS]
290
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,450
Oh, my God!
291
00:12:02,366 --> 00:12:04,826
Oh, this place
looks worse
292
00:12:04,116 --> 00:12:06,246
than when my mother
ransacked my bedroom
293
00:12:06,283 --> 00:12:09,103
looking for my dia...ry.
294
00:12:10,166 --> 00:12:12,656
Well, I was
looking
for my glasses.
295
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:14,250
What did you have,
a reading emergency?
296
00:12:14,283 --> 00:12:16,333
So, what were you doing
all evening?
297
00:12:16,366 --> 00:12:18,656
I was at rehearsal.
298
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,180
Hm. Well, I called.
Rehearsal was over at 8.
299
00:12:20,216 --> 00:12:21,426
Well, we went out after.
300
00:12:21,466 --> 00:12:24,266
Ah...
Who's "we"?
301
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:28,370
Oh, you know,
Romeo, Mercutio, Tybalt...
302
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,480
The gang.
303
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:34,663
Oh, I'm sorry.
It was an
accident.
304
00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:37,173
So was that.
305
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,280
Boy, you leave the house
for a couple hours,
306
00:12:39,316 --> 00:12:41,656
you come back,
and it's a pigsty.
307
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:42,480
Yeah, well, maybe
if you had been
here,
308
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,500
your children wouldn't
have been running amuck.
309
00:12:45,830 --> 00:12:47,300
Oh, so when they're sweet,
adorable angels,
310
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,453
they're your children.
And when they're amuck,
they're mine.
311
00:12:49,483 --> 00:12:52,103
Well, you are the nanny!
312
00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:55,160
And that's all
you want me to be!
313
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:57,430
Oh, good God.
Now I'm getting
one of my headaches.
314
00:12:58,416 --> 00:12:59,466
You know what I think?
315
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,250
You are jealous because
316
00:13:01,283 --> 00:13:04,403
Philipe discovered something
that was right under your
nose.
317
00:13:04,433 --> 00:13:07,333
[SCOFFS]
And what would
that be
exactly?
318
00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:10,170
My star quality.
319
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:11,380
[GASPS]
Hah!
320
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,096
That's rather like
discovering the atomic
bomb.
321
00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:17,153
Sounds good in
theory,
but millions will
suffer.
322
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:22,370
Well, that's
it.
I'm going home
to my mother!
323
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,420
No, don't bother!
324
00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:25,170
I'm sleeping
on the couch!
325
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,280
Well...
326
00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:31,100
If we're splitting
up,
I get Niles!
327
00:13:31,133 --> 00:13:32,373
You couldn't afford him!
328
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,000
Not on what you pay me!
329
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,330
It's always the butler
who suffers.
330
00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:53,370
[BLOWING]
331
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,220
Hello.
332
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,000
I'm working.
333
00:13:57,383 --> 00:13:58,473
Pretend I'm not here.
334
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,430
That's how
I get through the day.
335
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,280
Oh, hello, Niles.
NILES: Mm.
336
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,380
Would you mind
telling Mr. Sheffield
337
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:11,466
that I'm going
to rehearsal.
338
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,660
Unless, of course,
339
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,470
he'd like me
to sit by his
feet
340
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,450
and peel him a grape.
341
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,370
Well, that's my job,
but you can wave the fan.
342
00:14:21,233 --> 00:14:24,003
Well, you can tell the nanny
343
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,150
that I wouldn't dream
344
00:14:25,183 --> 00:14:27,333
of standing in the
way
of her aspirations,
345
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,216
no matter how ludicrous
they might be.
346
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:34,180
Well, tell Mr. Sheffield
that I am a grown woman,
347
00:14:34,216 --> 00:14:38,496
and can find
fulfillment
any way I choose.
348
00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:40,450
And that he is a doodyhead.
349
00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:47,353
To synopsize, sir,
you are a doodyhead.
350
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,380
So that's the one
you choose to repeat.
351
00:14:51,416 --> 00:14:53,346
Translator's
prerogative.
Hm.
352
00:14:53,383 --> 00:14:54,423
I don't think
I've ever met
353
00:14:54,450 --> 00:14:57,200
a more infuriating,
irritating woman.
354
00:14:57,233 --> 00:14:59,103
Hello, hello!
355
00:15:02,330 --> 00:15:03,270
Think hard, sir.
356
00:15:04,433 --> 00:15:08,163
I just heard
the most delicious
news.
357
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:09,330
Well, why don't you run,
make a friend,
358
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,116
and tell them all about it?
359
00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:15,123
Philipe needs
a tax
write-off,
360
00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:16,450
so he wants
the show to
flop.
361
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,323
That's why
he cast Nanny
Fine.
362
00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:21,250
To guarantee
a total
disaster.
363
00:15:21,283 --> 00:15:23,173
I knew it!
Ha-ha.
364
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,270
Ha!
365
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:27,130
I knew
she had no
talent.
366
00:15:27,166 --> 00:15:28,996
People will be walking out
367
00:15:29,330 --> 00:15:30,300
in the middle
of her performance.
368
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,283
Just like one of your dates.
369
00:15:35,450 --> 00:15:37,270
Well, we--
We can't tell
her.
370
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:38,350
She'll be crushed.
371
00:15:38,383 --> 00:15:40,163
I know.
372
00:15:40,433 --> 00:15:42,333
On the other hand, if--
373
00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:43,250
if I don't tell her,
374
00:15:43,283 --> 00:15:45,203
then she'll be publicly
humiliated opening
night.
375
00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:46,283
Ha, ha. I know.
376
00:15:46,316 --> 00:15:48,326
It's a win-win situation.
377
00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:49,130
[CLAPS]
378
00:15:55,433 --> 00:15:57,453
Maggie, if you wanna go
to the Hamptons,
379
00:15:57,483 --> 00:15:59,123
you're gonna have to
ask your father
380
00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:02,830
when he's watching
Masterpiece Theatre.
381
00:16:02,116 --> 00:16:05,466
Yes. Just when his chin
drops down to his chest,
382
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,230
but before he starts snoring.
383
00:16:10,233 --> 00:16:12,483
Oh, sure. That's
how I got my raise.
384
00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:16,160
We're doing
the death
scene!
385
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,250
Places, everybody!
386
00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:18,403
Oh, Maggie, I gotta go.
387
00:16:18,433 --> 00:16:22,203
I gotta go plunge
a knife into my heart.
388
00:16:22,233 --> 00:16:24,253
Oh boy. I'm sounding more
like my mother every day.
389
00:16:25,316 --> 00:16:27,466
Oh, uh, Philipe,
I gotta ask you a question.
390
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,100
I don't know what
my motivation is here.
391
00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:32,473
Why does Juliet
kill herself?
392
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,380
Because without
her Romeo,
393
00:16:34,416 --> 00:16:37,156
she has no reason
to live.
394
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:38,100
Oh.
395
00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:40,253
Could tell this play
was written by a man.
396
00:16:41,466 --> 00:16:43,426
I don't know how
she got this part.
397
00:16:43,466 --> 00:16:45,416
Well, she must be
sleeping with him.
398
00:16:45,450 --> 00:16:48,180
I slept with him.
I got two lines.
399
00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:49,446
I got Romeo.
400
00:16:50,483 --> 00:16:53,003
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
401
00:16:53,330 --> 00:16:54,180
PHILIPE:
Okay.
402
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,150
Romeo?
403
00:16:56,466 --> 00:16:58,166
Drink your poison.
404
00:17:07,383 --> 00:17:09,253
Here's to my love.
405
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:13,830
Thy drugs act quick.
406
00:17:13,416 --> 00:17:15,276
Thus with a kiss...
407
00:17:20,116 --> 00:17:21,326
I die.
408
00:17:21,366 --> 00:17:23,466
Now Juliet awakens.
409
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:27,430
Oy, what a night!
410
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,450
[SIGHS]
411
00:17:32,483 --> 00:17:36,483
Oh, Romeo, I see poison.
412
00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:41,660
I see poison
413
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:44,830
hath been
your timeless end.
414
00:17:44,116 --> 00:17:45,346
O churl.
415
00:17:51,433 --> 00:17:56,103
O happy dagger.
This is thy sheath.
416
00:18:02,466 --> 00:18:05,376
There rust,
and let me die.
417
00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:07,496
Ugh!
418
00:18:07,266 --> 00:18:09,196
[MOANING]
419
00:18:15,133 --> 00:18:16,323
Ooh. Ooh, ooh.
420
00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:18,280
Ooh. Hey, hey, ooh.
421
00:18:18,316 --> 00:18:19,316
Ow. Ow.
422
00:18:19,350 --> 00:18:21,170
[MOANING]
423
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,830
[MOANS LIKE A MOTORBOAT]
424
00:18:24,216 --> 00:18:25,346
[MOANING AWKWARDLY]
425
00:18:31,466 --> 00:18:33,656
She's perfect.
426
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:35,450
This play will die
faster than she
does.
427
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:38,833
Oh. Oy.
428
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:45,160
And now, Romeo and Juliet
ascend to heaven.
429
00:18:48,333 --> 00:18:54,833
O my lord Romeo,
I follow thee to heaven.
430
00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:56,370
Whoa!
431
00:18:58,150 --> 00:19:00,330
Whoa!
432
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:04,146
Oy! Hey, you guys.
433
00:19:04,183 --> 00:19:06,833
Heaven art thataway.
434
00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:08,153
Oh!
435
00:19:08,183 --> 00:19:10,183
Oh...
436
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:14,220
Wow! Hey.
437
00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:16,160
Oh, wow.
438
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:19,370
Hey! Oh! Whoa!
439
00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:23,660
Oh, boy. Don't worry!
440
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:25,280
I'm okay!
441
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,150
Oh, but it looks like
442
00:19:28,183 --> 00:19:30,333
Romeo's got quite a wedgie
going on up there.
443
00:19:31,366 --> 00:19:32,446
Oy!
444
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,830
Hi.
445
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,500
Hi. [CHUCKLES]
446
00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:42,330
Gee, you know,
that harness really chafes.
447
00:19:42,366 --> 00:19:44,826
Boy, that Mary Martin
448
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,166
must have had a hide
like a rhino.
449
00:19:48,466 --> 00:19:51,176
Say, I know you.
450
00:19:51,216 --> 00:19:54,276
Well, I have done
six Broadway shows
451
00:19:54,316 --> 00:19:56,346
and several
national
tours.
452
00:19:56,383 --> 00:19:59,253
No, no.
It was a commercial.
453
00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:02,323
[GASPS]
You're the
Less Than Fresh girl.
454
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:07,830
Oh. Mr. Sheffield.
455
00:20:07,116 --> 00:20:09,126
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
456
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,366
No, please...
457
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:11,420
No.
458
00:20:11,450 --> 00:20:13,170
People. People, please!
459
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,230
FRAN:
Come on, back off!
460
00:20:15,266 --> 00:20:17,326
Get away.
Let the man breathe.
461
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:19,176
Give him some air. Jeez.
462
00:20:19,216 --> 00:20:22,826
God, she's sleeping
with everybody.
463
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,220
[SIGHS]
Watch. Next
year,
464
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:26,160
she'll have
her own
sitcom.
465
00:20:30,366 --> 00:20:33,446
Miss Fine, I--
I owe you an
apology.
466
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,453
You owe me an apology?
467
00:20:35,483 --> 00:20:37,403
Oh, yeah, right.
468
00:20:38,316 --> 00:20:40,326
I was selfish
and
thoughtless,
469
00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:42,830
and I'm
extremely
sorry.
470
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:45,346
Oh, thank you, Mr. Sheffield.
471
00:20:45,383 --> 00:20:48,003
I'm sorry
I called you a doodyhead.
472
00:20:48,483 --> 00:20:51,123
Apology accepted.
473
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,370
You know,
we shouldn't fight anymore.
474
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,160
It's so hard on Niles.
475
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,200
Yeah, I know.
476
00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:57,246
Listen, I, uh--
477
00:20:57,283 --> 00:20:59,173
I need to talk to
you
about this play.
478
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,420
Maybe you'd
better
sit down.
479
00:21:00,450 --> 00:21:02,160
Oh, okay.
480
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:03,300
I think I know what
you're gonna say though.
481
00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:04,383
No, I doubt that.
482
00:21:04,416 --> 00:21:05,446
Yes, I do.
483
00:21:05,483 --> 00:21:07,373
You're gonna say
that you and the kids
484
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,230
really need me at home,
485
00:21:09,266 --> 00:21:11,276
and the mansion is a mess,
486
00:21:11,316 --> 00:21:13,296
and I don't belong
in this play.
487
00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:16,473
And, well, you'd be
absolutely right.
488
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,130
I would?
489
00:21:18,166 --> 00:21:19,196
Yeah.
490
00:21:19,233 --> 00:21:20,383
Isn't that what
you were gonna say?
491
00:21:20,416 --> 00:21:23,196
Oh, yes. Y-yes, that
was exactly what--
492
00:21:23,233 --> 00:21:25,373
You read my mind.
493
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,300
Well, clairvoyance
runs in my family.
494
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,420
I got an Aunt Paula
495
00:21:30,450 --> 00:21:33,660
that predicted
Hurricane Andrew.
496
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:34,320
For the first time
in history,
497
00:21:34,350 --> 00:21:37,320
there wasn't a single Jew
on Miami Beach.
498
00:21:37,350 --> 00:21:39,430
Ha.
499
00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:42,656
Come on.
I'm gonna
take you home.
500
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:46,660
Hm. I just hope that Philipe
isn't too disappointed.
501
00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:49,130
I mean, he really
was counting on me.
502
00:21:49,166 --> 00:21:51,326
Well, Miss Fine,
a talent like
yours
503
00:21:51,366 --> 00:21:53,276
doesn't come along
every day.
504
00:21:53,316 --> 00:21:54,996
True.
505
00:21:55,330 --> 00:21:57,120
But, you know, between
you, me and the pillars,
506
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,200
that Philipe
507
00:21:58,233 --> 00:22:02,003
is not the greatest
director in the world.
508
00:22:02,330 --> 00:22:05,200
And if I'm gonna make
my big Broadway debut,
509
00:22:05,233 --> 00:22:06,453
I should do it right.
510
00:22:06,483 --> 00:22:08,473
In one of your plays.
511
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,430
Right. Um...
512
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,120
[LAUGHS UNCOMFORTABLY]
[CHUCKLES]
513
00:22:13,150 --> 00:22:15,180
[THEME OFMASTERPIECE THEATRE
PLAYING ON TV]
514
00:22:18,660 --> 00:22:20,830
ANNOUNCER:
Now, back to
Masterpiece Theatre,
515
00:22:20,116 --> 00:22:23,476
Part 26,
The Lords of Thisbury.
516
00:22:27,830 --> 00:22:28,120
[SNAPS QUIETLY]
517
00:22:28,150 --> 00:22:31,100
Psst, Maggie.
Make your move.
518
00:22:33,660 --> 00:22:34,120
Hi, Dad.
519
00:22:34,316 --> 00:22:35,426
Mmm.
520
00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:37,480
Are you asleep?
521
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,480
Uh, yeah. Mm...
522
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,660
Are you gonna let me
go to the Hamptons?
523
00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:46,160
Hmm. Sure, honey.
524
00:22:47,250 --> 00:22:50,230
When Miss Fine
gets her next raise.
525
00:22:51,216 --> 00:22:53,326
Oh, ever since
Alistair Cooke
left,
526
00:22:53,366 --> 00:22:55,656
he doesn't
sleep
as well.
527
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:57,160
[CHUCKLES]
[MOCKING CHUCKLE]
528
00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,130
[♪♪♪]
529
00:23:08,316 --> 00:23:10,096
PHILIPE:
Lunch!
530
00:23:10,316 --> 00:23:13,826
Oh. Good.
531
00:23:13,116 --> 00:23:14,416
Hello?
532
00:23:14,450 --> 00:23:16,330
People?
533
00:23:17,383 --> 00:23:19,373
Oh, people?
534
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,450
Wherefore art everyone?
535
00:23:23,660 --> 00:23:24,180
Hello?
536
00:23:24,450 --> 00:23:26,830
Oy.
34734
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