Original subtitles

Welcome to our Loving Sex Series. Hi, I'm Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld, psychologist and sex therapist.

For over 25 years, I've been working with couples and individuals to enrich intimacy, the romantic and sexual aspects of their relationships.

In this program, we delve deeper into men's minds and men's fantasies. And we got some of the men to act out their secret desires with their partners.

White t-shirt and jeans. That's sexy.

I think it's physical attractiveness to begin with.

I'm definitely a leg man. I love legs.

I tend to like women with, with dark, [stammers] dark hair and dark eyes.

Uh, I like, tend to like Spanish type or Oriental women more.

Uh, I like tans.

Face, skin. Um, but, uh, mostly eyes. Eyes and lips, I guess.

I love tall women. Tall women are... I'm... I'm tall myself.

Do you ever masturbate with your partner?

I think it's an incredible turn-on to watch women masturbate.

It could be awkward at first. But it might be exciting. Be something to try.

Well, to me, it's an incredible, uh, turn-on to watch Janet masturbate. I don't know... she likes to watch me, too.

FEMALE: Do you want to watch me?

Do you know what I like?

Do you know what I'm going to do?

Would you mind handing me the lube?

Thank you.

Give me the brush.

[moaning]

I like it when she talks dirty to me.

However, I have heard stories and told stories before sex...

... and that's sort of a prelude or perhaps that'll even initiate the sex...

... just talking about this or that, or what other people have done or what we have done in the past.

[laughs] I really like it when Nancy tells me sexy stories while we make love.

As these men indicate, men like women who talk to them during sex.

Who talk dirty and who tell them stories.

Good stories to begin with are usually unlikely to stir up any difficulties, or those that happened before you knew your sweetie.

And also those involving what you'd like to do with him at some future time or in some exotic setting.

In this scene, Peter asks Susan to tell him a fantasy. That's fine.

And men also love it when the partner's the one who suggests the story.

A good way of doing this is simply to ask:

"Would you like me to tell you a story? Something very exciting that happened to me a very long time ago?"

"Or something I'd like to do with you when we're in Fiji this summer?"

FEMALE: Oh, baby. [moans]

MALE: How about telling me a story, huh?

FEMALE: Telling you a story? MALE: Yeah!

FEMALE: Hmmm... [moans] Okay...

One time, long before I met you, I made love in the lookout on a tuna boat.

It was very sexy. [moans]

We crawled up... all the way up to the very top.

And he took all my clothes off very, very slowly off. [moans]

And then I crawled in the chair, the lookout chair and slowly unzipped his pants.

And I kissed him all over. [moans]

And we, [moans] we made love in the, the look out chair.

With all the windows open on the top of the tuna boat, it was late at night.

With all the lights. And the rocking of the boat. [moans]

I even remember what I was wearing. I had my favorite blue dress on.

But I had no panties on. [moans]

And I remember... how surprised he was, when he put his hand up my dress... for the first time.

I remember how he put me in the chair and knelt down.

And then I remember... how he ate me.

MALE: Like this? FEMALE: Ooh, yeah. [moans]

And then, I climbed on top of him. And I gently slid onto him.

And moved slowly, slow and then...

and then he asked me to fuck him a little faster...

Yeah, faster, yeah, yeah baby. [moans]

And then, I remember, with the breeze going through, and I remember, throwing my head back.

And I remember how it felt...

When he shot his hot... hot semen inside me.

[moaning]

Faster, a little faster, faster. [moaning]

I think it'd be exciting to try some sort of mild, you know, dominance and bondage sort of thing...

and to tie up my partner and, with handcuffs or, or maybe rope and to... have my way with her for a while.

And it might even be exciting to do it the other way around, to, to give up that power would be very exciting.

It, it all, you know, be very, I'd be very vulnerable, of course.

And, uh, that could be a big turn-on.

I don't, I don't find it very, very off the wall. Very, very out of the ordinary.

Sometimes, I like to take control. I like when she complies.

Here's another kind of fantasy. This one related to dominance.

At first, Al and Tina are pretending a bit that he's forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do.

The blindfold adds to the drama.

Many men and women enjoy using a blindfold occasionally in sex.

It really makes things different. You might want to give it a try.

This couple also makes very creative use of foods and ice in their love making.

FEMALE: Hey! Well, did you fall over? MALE: It was great. It's cold.

FEMALE: Come over here. I'll warm you up.

[kettle whistles]

MALE: That's better. Much warmer.

FEMALE: Yeah, I'm still a little bit cold through. MALE: Oh?

MALE: I wanna play "Nine And A Half Weeks" now. FEMALE: You want to play “Nine And A Half Weeks"?

MALE: Mm-hmm. FEMALE: Suppose I don't even want to play that?

MALE: I want you to. FEMALE: No, I don't want to, no, I don't want to.

No, no, blindfold, please. [laughs]

FEMALE Oh, I can't see now. MALE: That's the whole idea.

FEMALE: [laughs] So what are you going to do to me?

MALE: Hmmm... FEMALE: I don't know if I like this. [laughs]

FEMALE: I have to make sure you can hear me.

FEMALE: Oh, that's really cold.

FEMALE: Mmm, Honey!

FEMALE: Chocolate.

FEMALE: What are you doing?

FEMALE: Orange?

FEMALE: What's that?

FEMALE: Oh, it's cold.

MALE: Now, let's see what that feels like. FEMALE: It will be cold.

Men definitely like creativity in love making. They like their own creative ideas and their partner's as well.

One kind of creativity is using whatever is available to enhance love-making.

Note how Brenda and John are very creative in making use of their exercise equipment and furniture.

But you don't need a home gym to be innovative.

There are all sorts of wonderful things that you can do with equipment everybody's got.

Kitchen and bathroom counters, desks, chairs, tables, sofas, floors.

I mean, everybody's got a floor, right? And so on.

There's no need to go out and buy something new, just make new use of the things you already have.

FEMALE: Squeeze. MALE: Squeeze!

FEMALE: Next we play "Concentrate".

I love lingerie. I mean, I love garter belts and [stammers] silk, uh, stockings and fishnet stockings.

The more elaborate the better. I mean, it's like, uh, nice packaging on a beautiful gift.

Um, lingerie is very sexy. The only bad thing about it is that it usually doesn't stay on for that long.

There's no doubt that men enjoy their women dressing up in skimpy outfits from places like Victoria's Secret and Frederick's Of Hollywood.

You can surprise your man with something you buy on your own.

Or maybe, better yet, take him shopping with you, see what he likes.

You can also use clothes you already have. Scarves and ties to momentarily hide certain parts of your anatomy. His shirts and so on.

FEMALE: Feeling sexy! MALE: Yeah.

FEMALE: Like that? MALE: Uh-huh.

FEMALE: [laughs]

FEMALE: How do you like it? MALE: I like it! FEMALE: -You like it! [laughs]

MALE: You happy? FEMALE: I am very happy!

FEMALE: I went out shopping and, you know, I just wanted you to see what I bought. [laughing]

FEMALE: This is the best way to show you! [laughing] MALE: I think this is a real good way to show me!

FEMALE: You want me to get out of that suit real bad, don't you sweetheart? MALE: Right now, I wouldn't mind you doing that!

FEMALE: [laughing]

MALE: What's that? FEMALE: It's mine... MALE: A little cupcake?

FEMALE: With a cherry on top. You want to see? MALE: OK, yes I do!

FEMALE: Will you show me how to kiss it? MALE: Show you how to kiss it?

FEMALE: I'm going to watch.

MALE: I love that!

FEMALE: Should I twirl? MALE: Uh-huh, yeah!

FEMALE: Do you see something? MALE: Oh, my goodness.

FEMALE: Oh my, my... MALE: Oh my, my... TOGETHER: Said the spider to the fly!

FEMALE: Yeah, you like that? MALE: Yeah, I like that. FEMALE: But do you like the dress?

MALE: Oh, it looks... wonderful! FEMALE: Thank you.

Many couples enjoy role-playing or acting out fantasies.

In this case, Peter and Susan actually live together but they're pretending to meet as strangers in the park while walking their dogs.

And then seduce each other. This is a common fantasy that many couples act out.

FEMALE: Oh, what a cute puppy. MALE: Oh, thanks. How about yours? That's pretty big.

FEMALE: He's a monster but he's a lover. MALE: Hey, you, what's your name?

FEMALE: This is Suki. MALE: Suki.

FEMALE: I'm Suzy. MALE: Oh, hi, I'm Stephen.

FEMALE: Hi, Stephen. How are you? MALE: I'm okay. How about you?

FEMALE: Fine, we're just on our way back home. I live right around the corner. MALE: Oh, you do? Oh, that's convenient.

FEMALE TWO: Yes, yes... If you're on your way back, why don't you join us? MALE: Okay, why not? Yeah, sure.

FEMALE: Let's go. MALE: Come on, we've got to see where Suki lives.

FEMALE: Let's see Suki's house.

FEMALE: This is it. MALE: Are you serious? This is your house?

FEMALE: This is where I live. MALE: Wow, that's, that's, that's cool, It's really nice.

FEMALE: Yeah, I'm really glad we met. MALE: Thank you, me too.

FEMALE: Would you like to come in? MALE: Sure, why not? FEMALE: Okay, come on.

FEMALE: And finally, this is the guest bathroom. MALE: Wow, that's very nice, I like that, I like the idea of the carpets in the bathroom.

FEMALE: It's very nice. MALE: You know, that's, that's very nice.

MALE: Probably very nice when you get out of the shower, you know, for, it's very nice and soft. FEMALE: Mm-hmm...

FEMALE: Perfect fit. MALE: Isn't it? FEMALE: Mm-hmm...

FEMALE: You're kind of cute. MALE: Thank you, so are you.

FEMALE: That feels good. Mmm... That feels better. [moaning]

FEMALE: That was great. Next week, let's try that bar down the street.

MALE: No, we've, we've already done that one. How about, how about the supermarket?

FEMALE: Ooo! The melon department? MALE: No, how about the cucumber department.

FEMALE: I love playing these little games with you.

Yeah, I've fantasized about having a three-way with my wife quite a few times.

I mean, the thought of having another woman in bed with us is just awesome.

I don't know about another guy but another woman just does something.

Having sex with two women would be great. I've fantasized about it.

I've never actually done it, though, it's certainly on the list of things to do.

I tell you, after some experiences, I believe one woman's more than enough. You know, they're very complex.

One of my favorite fantasies would be a three-way with my wife. As a matter of fact, I had a dream about that last week.

Many men fantasize about sex with two women. It's a fun fantasy.

And a couple can have a great time by themselves, pretending to act it out.

But a real threesome, where there's actually another person present, is far more complex and risky.

Enjoy the fantasy, but think very carefully and discuss it at great length with your partner before you even consider trying the real thing.

MALE: Sweet dreams. FEMALE: You, too.

[knocking]

MALE: Hi, how you doing?

MALE: [dreaming] Try to smell them.

MALE: [dreaming] Don't think they have much of a smell anymore.

FEMALE ONE: My breasts are bigger. FEMALE TWO: Mine are more tan.

We hope this video has given you some ideas of what you can do to please your partner... and yourself.

Is there some article of clothing or outfit you'd like to wear?

Some piece of furniture or equipment you'd like to include in your lovemaking?

What fantasies would you like to tell your partner or act out?

What do you want to know about his secret fantasies and preferences?

Why not find out?