Original subtitles

OH...

GOD.

MURRAY.

OHH.

ALL RIGHT, I OWE YOU ONE.

♪ TELL ME WHY ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU LIKE I DO ♪

♪ TELL ME WHO ♪

♪ CAN STOP MY HEART AS MUCH AS YOU ♪

♪ LET'S TAKE EACH OTHER'S HAND ♪

♪ AS WE JUMP INTO ♪

♪ THE FINAL FRONTIER ♪

♪ I'M MAD ABOUT YOU, BABY ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

I HAD THE WILDEST DREAM LAST NIGHT.

I WAS IN THIS OLD LIBRARY, AND WHO'S STANDING THERE?

ALBERT EINSTEIN.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS ALBERT EINSTEIN?

'CAUSE HE SAID, "HI. I'M ALBERT EINSTEIN."

OH.

AND THEN... AND THEN HE TOLD ME

THIS COMPLICATED MATHEMATICAL FORMULA,

AND THEN... IT'S FUNNY. LIKE, HE TOOK A BITE

OF A, LIKE, A CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH.

AND THEN HE STARTED... HE WAS, LIKE, TUGGING

AT THE SEAT OF HIS PANTS.

EINSTEIN HAD A WEDGIE?

COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

THEN I WOKE UP, AND I TRIED TO WRITE DOWN THE FORMULA.

AND THIS IS IT? THIS IS MOST OF IT.

I... I CAN'T REMEMBER THE WHOLE THING.

WELL, DON'T BE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. YOU WERE SLEEPING.

I KNOW, BUT I REMEMBER THE CHICKEN SALAD SO VIVIDLY.

LET'S BE HONEST. IT MAY ACTUALLY NOT BE A REAL FORMULA.

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT,

THERE'S SOME REALLY VERY INTERESTING THINGS

GOING ON IN THE DENOMINATORS.

AS YOU WOULD KNOW BECAUSE OF YOUR EXTENSIVE BACKGROUND

IN MATHEMATICS.

HEY, I WAS IN MU ALPHA THETA.

I'M SORRY?

THE MATH HONOR SOCIETY... MU ALPHA THETA.

SO NAMED BECAUSE THE GREEK LETTERS

MU, ALPHA, AND THETA? TOGETHER..."MATH."

THE MATH HONOR SOCIETY.

WHY DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL ME THAT?

THAT'S NOT THE KIND OF THING YOU WANT TO TELL A WOMAN

UNTIL, LIKE... YEAR 7.

OH, NO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? NO! OH, MY GOD!

WHAT HAPPENED? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, MY GOD! I'M ASKING WHAT HAPPENED.

TELL ME YOU DIDN'T TAKE THIS TO ZIPPY CLEANERS.

I... WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

THEY'RE DRY CLEANERS. THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.

BUT ZIPPY'S... THEY GOT THAT BOWL OF CANDY

RIGHT ON THE COUNTER THERE.

YOU BRING A $300 DRESS

TO AN INCOMPETENT BECAUSE HE GIVES YOU CANDY?

HE'S A BUTCHER, ZIPPY CLEANERS.

WE'LL GO BACK, WE'LL TALK TO HIM, AND I'M SURE HE'LL FIX IT.

ALL RIGHT? AND THEN, ON THE WAY OUT,

WE'LL GRAB SOME OF THOSE CANDIES.

THEY'RE SO GOOD, YOU JUST WANT TO CHEW 'EM RIGHT UP.

PAUL.

BUT THE DRESS... THAT'S THE TRAGEDY, REALLY.

THAT'S A BLEACH STAIN.

YES, IT IS. UM...

I THINK YOU'RE SORT OF RESPONSIBLE

FOR THAT BLEACH STAIN.

WELL... FORGIVE ME,

BUT WE DON'T USE BLEACH IN OUR CLEANING PROCESS.

THAT'S THE OLD DAYS. WE'RE VERY MODERN HERE.

LOOK AT US! YES, YOU ARE.

YOU ARE VERY MODERN. AND AGAIN, FORGIVE ME...

BUT THERE WAS NO BLEACH STAIN WHEN MY HUSBAND SORT OF

TRAGICALLY BROUGHT THE DRESS IN HERE.

YET THERE WAS A MIGHTY BLEACH STAIN

WHEN HE PICKED IT UP.

YOU. UH, FORGIVE ME, BUT YOU PICKED UP THE DRESS.

I DID. YES, I DID.

FORGIVE ME, BUT I MUST ASK YOU.

IS IT POSSIBLE

THAT THE DRESS ACQUIRED THE BLEACH STAIN

AFTERYOU LEFT HERE?

NO. THAT WOULD'VE REQUIRED SOME INTERACTION WITH BLEACH,

OF WHICH... I HAD NONE.

DID YOU... AGAIN, FORGIVE ME...

BUT DID YOU INSPECT THE DRESS

BEFORE YOU LEFT HERE?

DID I INSPECT... UH... NOT AS SUCH, NO.

I JUST SIMPLY TRUSTED THAT THE DRY-CLEANING PROCESS

HAD SUCCESSFULLY BEEN COMPLETED.

SO THEREFORE... AND AGAIN, FORGIVE ME...

BUT IT ISPOSSIBLE.

I... GUE... I, YOU KNOW, TECHNICALLY, I...

HONEY, I WAS DOIN' JUST FINE HERE.

I DIDN'T INSPECT THE DRESS. WHAT GOES ON IN THERE?

NOTHING! NOTHING GOES ON IN THERE!

I'M TERRIBLE SORRY TO ASK, SIR,

BUT WOULD YOU MIND REIMBURSING US FOR THE DRESS?

I, UH... FORGIVE ME.

I CAN'T DO THAT, BUT PLEASE HAVE A CANDY.

NO, THANK YOU. NO. NO CANDY.

ARE YOU SURE?

TAKE ONE. TAKE ONE FOR ME. NO CANDY, THANK YOU.

OK. WELL, UH, FORGIVE ME, BUT, UH, NEXT!

FORGIVE ME.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, HAL?

MM.

WHAT?

AHA.

WHAT?

OOH.

WHAT?

IT'S ASTONISHING, REALLY.

YES. WHAT?

YOU HAVE DREAMT WHAT APPEARS TO BE

A PARTIAL SOLUTION TO THE MILLENNIUM BUG.

THE MILLENNIUM BU...

WHAT, WHERE THE COMPUTERS ARE SUPPOSED TO STOP WORKING?

YES. YOU SEE, COMPUTERS DENOTE A YEAR

USING ONLY THE LAST 2 DIGITS.

AS FAR AS THEY KNOW, A YEAR ONLY BEGINS WITH 19.

IDIOTS.

SO WHEN THEY SEE THE "00" IN "2000,"

THEY'RE GOING TO THINK IT'S 1900.

WOW. SO THEN WHAT?

CREDIT CARDS WON'T FUNCTION.

SATELLITES WILL PLUNGE TO THE EARTH.

NO INTERNET, NO TELEVISION,

NO FAX MACHINES, NOT EVEN PHONES.

GOVERNMENTS WILL CRUMBLE.

THERE'LL BE RIOTING IN THE STREETS.

WILL ALARM CLOCKS STILL WORK?

YES, BUT YOU'LL BE WAKING UP TO ABSOLUTE CHAOS.

OH, SURE.

THAT IS SUCH A BUNCH OF HOOEY.

NO. IT'S A VERY REAL DANGER, ACTUALLY.

IT'S A PARANOID DELUSION. THE MILLENNIUM WILL COME,

WE'LL HAVE A DOUGHNUT, WATCH A PARADE,

AND THAT'LL BE THAT.

YOU'RE RIGHT, OF COURSE. POOR GIRL.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

YOUR EXPERTISE IN THIS AREA COMES AS SOMEWHAT OF A SURPRISE.

AW, WELL, LISTEN,

I WAS IN A MATH HONOR SOCIETY IN COLLEGE.

NOT MU ALPHA THETA?

YOU'VE HEARD OF IT?

OXFORD CHAPTER, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NO.

UH-HUH.

GREETINGS, MATH BROTHER.

FELICITATIONS, MATH BROTHER.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU EVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND.

YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY INTRIGUED WITH YOUR USE OF LOGARITHMS.

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDIN'? LOGARITHMS.

THAT WAS MY BEST THING.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS.

"DEAR ZIPPY CLEANERS, I WRITE TO CONVEY MY DEEP DISPLEASURE

AT THE RUINATION OF MY $300 SHELLI SEGAL COCKTAIL DRESS."

THE LIMIT OF OF X-SQUARED OVER 4 EQUALS 7.

YES! YES! YES!

HELLO, MATH BROTHERS.

SO I'M THINKING I'LL CALL IT "THE PAUL FORMULA."

YOU KNOW? OR "THE P.B. SOLUTION."

YOU KNOW, KEEP IT SIMPLE.

OR MAYBE "BUCHMAN'S LAST THEOREM."

YOU KNOW, SOMETHING DYNAMIC.

HOW ABOUT "BUCHMAN'S BORING POINTLESS DREAM ABOUT NOTHING?"

JAMIE.

TO ME, THE BIG QUESTION IS, HOW WILL HISTORY VIEW IT?

YOU KNOW. I MEAN, WHERE WILL I FIT IN

ON THE CONTINUUM OF GREAT THINKERS?

WILL I BE PENALIZED

FOR ACTUALLY NOT TECHNICALLY HAVING BEEN AWAKE?

YOU KNOW? OR-OR MAYBE WILL THAT ADD LUSTER?

YOU KNOW, MAYBE... I-I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYIN' IS,

WILL I BE ISAAC NEWTON

OR SOME GUY WHO JUST COULDN'T SLEEP?

JAMIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

I DON'T SEE WHY HIS MILLENNIUM BUG

IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY DRY CLEANING.

WE'RE ON PAUL NOW.

FINE. WILL YOU PLEASE AT LEAST TELL HIM

THE MILLENNIUM BUG IS JUST A BIG HYPE?

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING?

JAMIE, THE MILLENNIUM BUG SCARES THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF ME.

ALL OF MY PATIENT FILES COULD BE DESTROYED.

AND THAT'S JUST IN MY LITTLE WORLD.

OUT ON THE STREETS? MY GOD. FAMINE, PESTILENCE...

RUSSIANS, FIRE, AND PROBABLY RABIES.

YOU KNOW THE GUY WHO LIVES UNDER THE WILLIAMSBURG BRIDGE?

HE'S COMIN' FOR US.

EXCUSE ME JUST ONE SECOND.

HELLO. YES, SHE'S HERE. IT'S CHICKEN LITTLE FOR YOU.

YOU'RE GONNA BE ONE SORRY SISTER, SISTER,

IF WHEN THE YEAR 2000 ROLLS AROUND,

YOU DON'T HAVE 600 GALLONS OF WATER,

A SOLAR GENERATOR, AND A HAM RADIO.

AND DON'T COME CRYIN' TO ME FOR GOLD BULLION,

'CAUSE MAMA'S NOT GIVIN' YOU ANY.

I WON'T.

PAUL, WE'VE GOT TO GET THE REST OF THAT FORMULA OUT OF YOU.

LET'S SAY FOR ONE SECOND EVERYTHING YOU FEAR IS TRUE.

YOU REALLY THINK HE DREAMT UP THE SOLUTION?

JAMIE, THE SUBCONSCIOUS CAN BE A VERY POWERFUL TOOL.

THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY.

BESIDES WHICH, I ALWAYS FIGURED PAUL

HAD TO BE A LITTLE SMARTER THAN HE SEEMS.

THANK YOU.

MY RECOMMENDATION WOULD BE

THAT WE TRY TO RECREATE THE EINSTEIN DREAM.

WELL, HOW-HOW DO WE DO THAT?

WELL, AS BEST YOU CAN.

YOU NEED TO REPLICATE THE EVENTS OF LAST NIGHT

SO YOU'RE THINKING SIMILAR THOUGHTS WHEN YOU GO TO SLEEP.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

NOW, UH, BASED ON THE IMPORTANCE OF THE SUBJECT MATTER,

I'D LIKE TO COME TO YOUR HOME TO FACILITATE AND OBSERVE.

AT NO EXTRA CHARGE, BY THE WAY.

REALLY? YOU'RE COMING TO OUR HOME?

NO EXTRA CHARGE?

I REALLY THINK IT'LL HELP.

WELL, LET'S DO IT! YEAH! GREAT!

GOOD, GOOD. GOOD.

OH, GOSH. UH, JAMIE, YOU HAD SOMETHING?

OH, NEVER MIND.

I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN'T REPLACE THE DRESS.

WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT I'M VERY UPSET ABOUT THAT.

I KNOW. I'M SORRY.

PERHAPS THERE'S SOME OTHER WAY I COULD MAKE RESTITUTION.

WHAT KIND OF RESTITUTION?

WELL, FORGIVE ME, BUT HOW ABOUT FREE DRY CLEANING?

WELL, I BEG YOUR PARDON, BUT UNLIMITED FREE DRY CLEANING?

UH, WELL, YES. UNLIMITED.

BUT FORGIVE ME, OFFER ENDS TUESDAY.

WELL, FORGIVE ME, BUT TODAY'S MONDAY.

I'M SORRY, BUT YOU ARE CORRECT.

SO IN OTHER WORDS, AND FORGIVE ME,

YOU'RE OFFERING US UNLIMITED FREE DRY CLEANING

FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS?

FORGIVE ME, BUT, YES.

TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET.

IT'S CLEAN.

AND YOUR SWEATER. LET'S GO.

AND YOU HAD THE SAME MEAL YESTERDAY?

YES, WE DID.

GOOD. GOOD.

WHAT?

NOTHING.

LOVE SALMON.

OH, GOD. FORGIVE US.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US?

NO, NO, NO. I'M GOOD.

ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE WE COULD... NO, NO. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

NO. WE HAVE TO REPLICATE LAST NIGHT EXACTLY,

OR YOU'RE MUCH LESS LIKELY TO HAVE THE SAME DREAM.

OK.

OK. THAT'S FINE.

ARE YOU SURE? 'CAUSE THERE'S PLENTY.

OK, THEN. I'M STARVING.

MRS. PETERSON WENT LONG, SO I DIDN'T GET TO EAT.

SHE'S A PSYCHO, THAT ONE.

I SWEAR TO GOD, ONE DAY, SHE IS GONNA KILL HER HUSBAND,

AND THERE'S NOT A DAMN THING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

NOW, THAT SUCKER BETTER QUIT DRINKIN'

AND STOP DRESSIN' UP IN WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR

AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.

GREETINGS, MATH BROTHER.

FELICITATIONS, MATH BROTHER.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

HAL, THIS IS SHEILA. SHEILA, THIS IS HAL.

HELLO. ANY PROGRESS?

NO. WELL, WE'RE STILL VERY EARLY IN THE RE-ENACTMENT.

ALL RIGHT. THIS IS ALL SO EXCITING.

I'VE GOT MY COLLEAGUES IN THE MATH DEPARTMENT

WAITING ON TENTERHOOKS. OH, BOY. OK.

OOH, IS THAT SALMON?

THERE'S NONE LEFT.

ACTUALLY, YES. THERE IS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOR DINNER?

WOULD I? OHH.

I LOVE MY MARGARET,

BUT HER COOKING IS RUNNY, TASTELESS, AND BEIGE.

WAS HE HERE LAST NIGHT?

NO. NO.

WELL, HE MAY UPSET THE RE-ENACTMENT.

REALLY?

AREN'T YOU WORRIED YOURBEING HERE

MIGHT UPSET THE RE-ENACTMENT?

DON'T HOG THE POTATOES.

SHEILA, IS EVERYTHING OK?

UH-HUH. WHAT'S PREDNISONE?

IT'S FOR MURRAY.

UH-OH.

SWEETIE, WHERE ARE ALL MY CLOTHES?

ZIPPY CLEANERS.

ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU, MATH BROTHER?

STAY CLOSE, MATH BROTHER. HONEY...

YOU GAVE ALL MY CLOTHES TO ZIPPY?

I SAVED YOU OVERALLS AND A VEST.

GREAT. NOW I CAN GO TO A BLACK-TIE HOEDOWN.

YOU'RE OUT OF CONDITIONER.

WHA... I'M SOR... ARE YOU- ARE YOU STAYING OVER?

WELL, SURE. YOU MAY NOT BE DREAMING FOR HOURS YET.

OK...

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A RUNDOWN

OF WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT AFTER DINNER?

OK. GOT IT ALL SET UP. FIRST, WE SAT HERE,

WE WATCHED THE REST OF THE CRIMES OF LEON GABLOSZJ.

IT'S A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN ACTION FILM.

IT'S-IT'S BLEAK, BUT IT'S PULSE-POUNDING.

THEN WE WATCHED THAT, AND THEN, UH,

JAMIE AND I HAD A FIGHT, AND THEN WE WENT TO BED.

GOOD.

HE WAS CHEWING SO LOUDLY, I COULDN'T HEAR THE MOVIE.

I WASN'T CHEWING THAT LOUD.

WHY DON'T YOU REENACT THAT?

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M EATING POTATO CHIPS.

THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WERE CHEWING LAST NIGHT.

SURE, IT IS.

YOU WERE HURTING THOSE CHIPS LAST NIGHT.

I WAS NOT.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO CHEW IN FRONT OF YOU.

PAUL, ARE YOU CHEWING FALSELY?

NO, NOT AT ALL. SO FALSELY.

AW, COME ON. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING.

PAUL, CHEW LOUDER. GOOD.

AND...

BEGIN FIGHTING.

PAUL?

YES, DEAR.

YOU'RE CHEWING SO LOUDLY, I CAN'T HEAR THE MOVIE.

HONEY, IT'S SUBTITLED.

I CAN'T EVEN HEAR THE SPORADIC MUSKET FIRE.

OK, TH... THIS ISN'T WORKING FOR ME.

WHAT? YOU'RE JUST PHONING IT IN.

I'M NOT PHONING IT IN. ARE YOU PHONING IT IN, JAMIE?

NO. PHONING IT IN. YES, YOU ARE.

OK, OK, OK. LET'S JUST TRY AGAIN. OK?

PAUL, CHEW, PLEASE.

JAMIE, INSULT HIM, PLEASE.

WHAT ARE YOU EATING, A CAR?

OH, COME ON. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU EATING, A CAR, GOAT BOY?

EXCELLENT.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WANTED TONIGHT, PAUL?

I WANTED A NICE QUIET NIGHT WRAPPED IN YOUR ARMS,

WATCHING A MOVIE.

INSTEAD, I HAVE TO RE-ENACT SOME PREVIOUS DISMAL EVENING

AND LISTEN TO YOU CHEW LIKE A CAMEL.

YOU WASTED MY NIGHT, YOU RUINED MY DRESS,

AND YOU ARE FAR TOO ABSORBED

WITH THAT STUPID, MEANINGLESS DREAM.

THERE IS SOMETHING IN YOU, PAUL.

YOU ARE THE MOST GENEROUS PERSON IN THE WORLD,

BUT DEEP DOWN, THERE'S JUST YOU IN THE UNIVERSE, ISN'T THERE?

AND IF YOURS IS A WORLD THAT ONLY HAS ROOM FOR ONE,

IF SAVING SOCIETY MEANS PRESERVING YOUR RIGHT

TO MAKE THAT KIND OF RACKET WHEN YOU FEED YOURSELF,

THEN I SAY LET THE MILLENNIUM BUG DESTROY US ALL.

THEN AFTER THE FIGHT, WE WENT TO SLEEP.

OK. I THINK HE'S STARTING TO DREAM.

HELLO AGAIN, MR. EINSTEIN.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

SHH. THIS IS IT. MY GOD.

AND WHAT'LL IT BE TODAY?

NUMBER 3 CLIPPERS ON THE SIDES AND IN THE BACK.

A LITTLE LONGER ON TOP, TAPERED, AND SHORT SIDEBURNS.

ANY GEL TODAY? NO GEL. OK.

OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE. PAUL.

WAKE UP. WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT HAPPENED? YOU WERE DREAMING.

I WAS. YES. I... OOH.

YEAH.

I SAW HIM AGAIN. I SAW EINSTEIN.

I SAW HIM, BUT WE WEREN'T IN A LIBRARY.

WE WERE IN A... WE WERE IN, LIKE, A... A BEAUTY PARLOR...

WE KNOW.

THING. AND I WAS A WOMAN NAMED CLAIRE.

REALLY.

YEAH. I HAD MARVELOUS BREASTS.

STEADY, MATH BROTHER.

YOU KNOW, PAUL, YOU MAY NOT BE DREAM RE-ENACTMENT MATERIAL.

WELL... GREAT. SO, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WELL, THERE'S REALLY NOTHING WE CAN DO.

EXCEPT... I ONCE TOOK A SEMINAR IN REGRESSION THERAPY.

YOU KNOW, THE PATIENT IS TAKEN BACK IN TIME

TO RELIVE A CERTAIN MOMENT. IN THIS CASE, YOUR DREAM.

AND YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?

I'M... A COUPLE OF CREDITS SHY OF A CERTIFICATE,

BUT ...I CAN GIVE IT A WHACK.

IS IT SAFE?

SURE. THEN LET'S DO IT.

SWEETIE, DON'T YOU THINK... NO. LET'S JUST DO IT.

GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD. REGRESS ME. REGRESS ME.

ALL RIGHT. OK. WELL, UH, PAUL, SIT DOWN AND RELAX.

OK.

OK, GOOD. UH, JAMIE, I NEED SOMETHING FOR PAUL

TO HOLD IN HIS HAND.

PAUL, HOLD THE TEDDY BEAR IN YOUR HANDS.

ALL RIGHT, SIR.

NOW, UH, EXTEND YOUR ARM OUT IN FRONT OF YOU.

OK.

AND DO NOT LET THE TEDDY BEAR DROP.

OK.

ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING TO COUNT BACK FROM 10,

AND AS I GET CLOSER TO ONE,

YOU WILL FEEL MORE AND MORE RELAXED. OK?

10, 9, 8...

REMEMBER TO HOLD ON TO THE TEDDY BEAR.

I'M GOOD WITH THE BEAR.

7, 6, 5... DON'T LET IT DROP.

4... 3...

THAT IS AMAZING.

HA HA. OK. WELL, UH, OK.

NOW, UH, PAUL... WE ARE GOING BACK IN TIME.

YOU ARE WORKING ON A MATHEMATICAL FORMULA.

CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME?

YES.

GOOD. UH, GO THERE, PAUL.

UH, UH, FIND YOURSELF THERE. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

SOLVING FOR "X" GIVES US THE VARIABLE...

OW. OW.

THAT HURT.

OW. OW.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

I DON'T KNOW.

OW. I'M GOIN' TO MR. PALMER.

AND-AND WHEN HE FINDS OUT, YOU'RE GONNA GET DETENTION,

YOU BIG-YOU BIG JERKWATER JERK FROM JERKVILLE.

HE'S BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I MUST'VE REGRESSED HIM TOO FAR.

WHAT? IT HAPPENS.

OW. OW.

SWEETIE, HIT HIM BACK.

OW. OW. OW. OW. OK. OW. OW.

OW. STOP IT. THAT HURTS. STOP IT, LINDA.

OH.

PAUL. PAUL. MOVING FORWARD IN TIME. MOVING FORWARD.

OK, DOC, IT'S THIS TOOTH RIGHT HERE. YEAH. OW.

OH, BY THE WAY, JAMIE,

BEFORE WE MOVE OUT OF PAUL'S FORMATIVE YEARS,

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT PAUL

TO MAKE HIM A LITTLE MORE TO YOUR LIKING IN LATER LIFE?

WOW. REALLY?

HEY, WE'RE HERE.

NEVER MIND. HE'S PERFECT.

ALL RIGHT. PAUL?

WE ARE NOW MOVING FORWARD IN TIME.

UH, TALK TO ME AS YOU RETRACE YOUR LIFE.

BOY, THAT-THAT HORSHACK... HE REALLY CRACKS ME UP.

WHAT'S THAT, THE DODGE DART? COOL.

HI. WHAT'S YOUR MAJOR?

COME BACK.

SERVICE DEPARTMENT, PLEASE.

YES, I'LL HOLD.

WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT?

PAUL, YOU'RE MOVING FORWARD INTO YOUR DREAM LAST NIGHT.

YOU'RE IN THE LIBRARY WITH ALBERT EINSTEIN.

HI, MR. EINSTEIN. NICE TO SEE YOU.

THAT'S A GREAT-LOOKIN' SANDWICH. WHAT IS THAT, CHICKEN SALAD?

DON'T DWELL ON THE SANDWICH.

GET TO THE FORMULA... SPECIFICALLY THE SECOND PART.

MR. EINSTEIN, I WAS WONDERING ABOUT THE FORMULA,

UH, ESPECIALLY THE SECOND PART.

X SQUARED PLUS 7?

HERE, PAUL.

UH-HUH. X SQUARED PLUS 7. AND THEN...

OH, COSINE. OH. OK. UH-HUH. SQUARE... OK.

UH-HUH. OK.

UH-HUH. GOT IT.

MM-HMM.

OK. OH. OK.

OK. GOT IT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. EINSTEIN.

OK, YOU CAN WAKE UP NOW, PAUL.

MR. EINSTEIN, ARE YOU... YOU GONNA EAT YOUR PICKLE?

THANKS.

YOU HEAR THAT? LIKE A GOAT.

ALL RIGHT. PAUL, YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP NOW.

WAKE UP, PAUL. WAKE UP, PAUL.

OK, I'M UP. I'M UP. WHAT HAPPENED? DID YOU GET IT?

WE GOT IT. THE SECOND HALF OF THE FORMULA.

NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS COMBINE IT WITH THE FIRST PART.

GREAT. IT'S, UH, IT'S IN MY JACKET POCKET.

FORGIVE ME, BUT THE CLOTHES ARE NOT READY YET.

FORGIVE ME, BUT WHEN?

IN AUTUMN... FORGIVE ME.

OR MAYBE NEVER, FORGIVE ME.

BY THE TIME YOUR CLOTHES ARE READY,

THEY WILL HAVE GONE OUT OF STYLE, FORGIVE ME.

THAT'S ENOUGH CANDY, FORGIVE ME.

FORGIVE ME. NO.

YOU FORGIVE ME.

YOU ACCUSE ME OF A BLEACH CRIME I DID NOT COMMIT.

YOU TAKE GROTESQUE ADVANTAGE OF MY VERY FAIR OFFER.

AND THEN YOU RUSH ME?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, CALM DOWN. LISTEN.

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF I TOLD YOU THAT IN EXCHANGE FOR MY JACKET,

I CAN REPROGRAM YOUR COMPUTER?

YOU CAN BE FREE OF THE MILLENNIUM BUG.

THE MILLENNIUM BUG? THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT?

BLOODY MARVELOUS JOB, PAUL.

I KNOW I SPEAK FOR ALL MY COLLEAGUES

WHEN I SAY ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC.

AND THIS IS ALL HOOKED UP TO THE INTERNET, RIGHT?

YES, THROUGH YOUR MODEM THERE.

IN A FEW MINUTES, EVERY COMPUTER IN THE WORLD

WILL BE FREE OF THE MILLENNIUM BUG.

MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM.

OK. FOLKS, THERE IT IS.

WE'RE ALL SET. ALL I HAVE TO DO NOW

IS JUST HIT THAT ONE RETURN KEY.

IT'S AN HONOR TO BE A PART OF THIS MOMENT.

GET READY TO TAKE YOUR PLACE

ALONGSIDE THE OTHER GIANTS OF HUMANITY.

HEAR, HEAR, SWEETIE. I'M SORRY I DOUBTED YOU.

I'M SO PROUD.

OH, THANK YOU, SWEETIE. THANK-THANK YOU, AND...

THANK YOU, MR. EINSTEIN, WHEREVER YOU ARE,

FOR ALLOWING ME TO BE

THE-THE HUMBLE MESSENGER OF YOUR BRILLIANCE.

ALL RIGHT? OK.

HERE GOES.

SORRY. YOUR CALL CANNOT BE COMPLETED AS DIALED.

WELL, THAT CAN'T BE GOOD.

BOY, I MAY HAVE MADE A BIG BOO-BOO HERE.

RAHRR.

WAY TO GO, MATH BROTHER.

IN FRONT.