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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:11,470 - HAPPILY DIVORCED IS SHOT BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:14,170 PETER, WHY WON'T YOU GO WITH ME 3 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,770 TO BARRY AND VICKI'S COCKTAIL PARTY? 4 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,800 WE GO EVERY YEAR TOGETHER. 5 00:00:17,833 --> 00:00:19,173 - YEAH, WHEN WE WERE A COUPLE. 6 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,630 I JUST FEEL OUT OF PLACE. 7 00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:22,267 COME ON, HAVEN'T YOU BEEN SOMEWHERE 8 00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:23,670 WHERE YOU'RE THE ONLY STRAIGHT PERSON? 9 00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:25,600 - YEAH, OUR BED. 10 00:00:25,633 --> 00:00:29,503 COME ON! DON'T MAKE ME GO BY MYSELF 11 00:00:29,533 --> 00:00:31,203 AND STAND THERE ALL ALONE. 12 00:00:31,233 --> 00:00:33,603 WHAT IF NOBODY TALKS TO ME? 13 00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:36,403 AT LEAST WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER WE CAN SMILE AT EACH OTHER, 14 00:00:36,433 --> 00:00:38,733 AND DO OUR PRETEND CHAT AND LAUGH. 15 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:45,130 IF I DO THAT BY MYSELF, PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK I'M A LUNATIC. 16 00:00:45,167 --> 00:00:47,697 - FRANNY, YOU HAVE GOT TO START 17 00:00:47,733 --> 00:00:50,303 LEARNING TO DO THINGS WITHOUT ME. 18 00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:53,203 - BELIEVE ME, I HAVE. 19 00:00:53,233 --> 00:00:54,733 BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S THAT KIND OF PARTY. 20 00:00:54,767 --> 00:00:57,397 - NOW, COME ON. 21 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,733 WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT'S SO IMPORTANT 22 00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:01,397 THAT YOU CAN'T COME? 23 00:01:01,433 --> 00:01:02,733 - I'M GOING TO GINGO. 24 00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:04,767 - WHAT THE HELL IS GINGO? 25 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,730 - GAY BINGO. 26 00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:09,797 - OKAY, I'LL GO TO GINGO WITH YOU. 27 00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:12,773 - NOPE. - WHY NO? 28 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,230 - NONE OF THE OTHER GAY GUYS ARE BRINGING THEIR EX-WIVES. 29 00:01:16,433 --> 00:01:18,803 - MISS FRAN, I BROUGHT MY SON. 30 00:01:18,833 --> 00:01:20,673 - OH, THERE YOU ARE! 31 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,770 - YOU WON A PRIZE. 32 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,430 - OH, A PRIZE! FOR WHAT? 33 00:01:25,467 --> 00:01:26,827 - FOR THE RAFFLE TICKET YOU BOUGHT 34 00:01:26,867 --> 00:01:28,267 FOR JULIO'S BOYS AND GIRLS' CLUB. 35 00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:30,700 - OH! WELL, WHAT DID I WIN? 36 00:01:30,733 --> 00:01:32,833 A BASKET OF FRUIT? A T-SHIRT? 37 00:01:32,867 --> 00:01:34,497 - A CRUISE TO MEXICO. 38 00:01:34,533 --> 00:01:38,133 - OH! 39 00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:41,097 OH! OH, SWEETIE! 40 00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:42,833 AREN'T YOU SWEET? - FRANNY. 41 00:01:42,867 --> 00:01:44,597 - OH! - YOU'RE GONNA BREAK HIM. 42 00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:49,273 - IT'S A CRUISE, I WON A CRUISE. 43 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:51,130 - I KNOW YOU DID. COME ON. 44 00:01:51,167 --> 00:01:53,267 CALM DOWN, IT'S JUST A TICKET TO MEXICO. 45 00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:54,570 - TWO TICKETS TO MEXICO. 46 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,370 - TWO TICKETS TO-- OH, MY GOD! 47 00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,600 - BE CAREFUL, HE JUST ATE. - OH, FRAN! 48 00:02:01,633 --> 00:02:04,273 WE'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF GOING ON A CRUISE TO MEXICO! 49 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:08,130 - YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW, THAT WAS WHEN WE WERE A COUPLE, SWEETIE. 50 00:02:08,167 --> 00:02:11,667 I'VE GOT TO START LEARNING HOW TO DO THINGS WITHOUT YOU. 51 00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:13,570 - OH. 52 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,430 YOU JUST SAID THAT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I SAID TO YOU. 53 00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:18,167 - GINGO! 54 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:24,630 - * SHE WAS CERTAIN THAT HE WAS THE ONE AND ONLY * 55 00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:29,827 * BUT THEIR UNION ALWAYS SEEMED A LITTLE FORCED * 56 00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:32,797 * SHE GOT MARRIED ANYWAY 57 00:02:32,833 --> 00:02:35,173 * TURNS OUT THAT HE WAS GAY * 58 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,400 * THEY'RE STILL IN LOVE BUT NOW SHE'S * 59 00:02:37,433 --> 00:02:39,333 * HAPPILY DIVORCED * 60 00:02:41,233 --> 00:02:43,403 - PLEASE TAKE ME ON THE CRUISE TO MEXICO. 61 00:02:43,433 --> 00:02:45,833 - BUT PETER, I DON'T THINK ANY OF THE OTHER GALS 62 00:02:45,867 --> 00:02:48,567 ARE TAKING THEIR GAY EX-HUSBANDS. 63 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,530 - COME ON, WHO ELSE ARE YOU GONNA TAKE? 64 00:02:51,567 --> 00:02:54,767 - HEY, OPRAH! IT'S GAYLE! 65 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,700 WAIT A MINUTE, SOMETHING'S DIFFERENT. 66 00:02:57,733 --> 00:03:00,533 WHAT DID YOU LOSE? LIKE, 10 OR 12 POUNDS? 67 00:03:00,567 --> 00:03:03,427 - OH, PUH-LEASE. 68 00:03:03,467 --> 00:03:06,227 YOU OBVIOUSLY FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS CRUISE FROM CESAR. 69 00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:07,727 YOU'RE SO TRANSPARENT. 70 00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:10,427 AS YOU WILL BE IF YOU LOSE ONE MORE POUND, 71 00:03:10,467 --> 00:03:13,297 MISS PERFECT! 72 00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:15,373 - ALL RIGHT, FINE, CESAR TOLD ME-- 73 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:16,800 AND IN THE NICK OF TIME. 74 00:03:16,833 --> 00:03:20,203 BABY, YOU NEED TO TAKE GAYLE ON THIS CRUISE. 75 00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:22,333 I MEAN, WHAT'S BETTER THAN TWO SINGLE LADIES 76 00:03:22,367 --> 00:03:23,827 PICKING UP MEN ON THE HIGH SEAS? 77 00:03:23,867 --> 00:03:26,197 - ONE SINGLE GIRL AND HER EX-HUSBAND 78 00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:28,773 WHO WON'T BE COMPETING FOR THE SAME SEAMEN. 79 00:03:34,433 --> 00:03:35,733 - ALL RIGHT, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 80 00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:37,167 I'M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND LISTEN TO 81 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,100 THE TWO OF YOU FIGHTING OVER ME. 82 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:40,833 OH, GO AHEAD, JUDY. 83 00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:45,227 - I HAVE SO LITTLE IN MY LIFE. 84 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,397 - REALLY? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GO WITH? 85 00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:49,373 COME ON, FRAN! WE HAVE SUCH A HISTORY. 86 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,400 WE LOVE TRAVELING TOGETHER. WE'RE THE PERFECT COMPANIONS. 87 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,633 - WE WEAR THE SAME SIZE SHOES. 88 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,127 - AND I REALLY NEED THIS VACATION. 89 00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:56,467 I'M RECENTLY DIVORCED. 90 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,430 WHO'S FAULT IS THAT? 91 00:03:58,467 --> 00:04:00,827 - I FOUND TWO GREY HAIRS ON MY CHEST. 92 00:04:00,867 --> 00:04:02,827 - SO DID I. 93 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,867 - OH, MY GOD. THIS IS LIKE SOPHIE'S CHOICE! 94 00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:08,830 - SOPHIE CHOSE THE BOY. 95 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:15,430 - MA, I GOT A PROBLEM. CAN I TALK TO YOU A SEC? 96 00:04:15,467 --> 00:04:17,567 - YOUR MOTHER GOT A PART IN A MUSICAL 97 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:18,870 AT THE COMMUNITY THEATRE, 98 00:04:18,900 --> 00:04:20,900 AND SHE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR. 99 00:04:20,933 --> 00:04:23,133 - MA! 100 00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,667 YOU'RE IN A MUSICAL? 101 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:28,830 - VITO IS JUST ACTING A PART, GLEN. 102 00:04:28,867 --> 00:04:31,427 YOU'RE ONLY UPSET BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, 103 00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:34,567 I'M DOING SOMETHING WITHOUT YOU AND HAVING FUN. 104 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:38,630 - THIS IS WHAT AN AFFAIR IS. 105 00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,597 - MEANWHILE, MA, I TALKED TO YOU ON TUESDAY, 106 00:04:40,633 --> 00:04:42,103 WHEN DID YOU BECOME AN ACTRESS? 107 00:04:42,133 --> 00:04:45,173 - WEDNESDAY. 108 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,100 I SAW AN AD IN THE ENCINO GAZETTE, 109 00:04:47,133 --> 00:04:49,403 AND IT SOUNDED FUN. AND I STARTED THINKING, 110 00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:51,773 I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WITHOUT YOUR FATHER. 111 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,270 IT WAS A LITTLE SCARY AT FIRST, BUT I'M GLAD I DID IT. 112 00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:59,130 - OF COURSE SHE'S GLAD, SHE MET HER ITALIAN STALLION. 113 00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:02,527 - DADDY, STOP. YOU SHOULD BE SUPPORTIVE OF MOM. 114 00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:04,667 DOING SOMETHING ON HER OWN IS A BIG THING 115 00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:06,730 FOR A WOMAN OF HER GENERATION. 116 00:05:06,767 --> 00:05:09,197 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY GENERATION? 117 00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:10,903 - WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE MINE. 118 00:05:10,933 --> 00:05:12,773 I MEAN, WE'RE MORE INDEPENDENT. 119 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,200 WE DO OUR OWN THING. 120 00:05:14,233 --> 00:05:17,833 both: 121 00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:19,827 - WHAT? - DARLING, WE LOVE YOU, 122 00:05:19,867 --> 00:05:22,197 BUT WHEN DID YOU EVER DO ANYTHING ON YOUR OWN? 123 00:05:22,233 --> 00:05:25,403 - EXCUSE ME, BUT DID I NOT GO AWAY TO CAMP? 124 00:05:25,433 --> 00:05:28,433 - YOU WERE HOME BEFORE SUNSET. YOU TOLD THEM YOU WERE ORTHODOX. 125 00:05:30,667 --> 00:05:33,567 - WELL, IT WAS FAT CAMP. I WAS AFRAID TO GO TO SLEEP. 126 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,800 THE OTHER KIDS LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE GONNA EAT ME! 127 00:05:37,567 --> 00:05:38,827 - YOU WERE AFRAID TO GO ANYWHERE 128 00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,497 AND DO ANYTHING BY YOURSELF. 129 00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:42,673 - THAT'S WHY WE CALLED YOU A SCAREDY CAT. 130 00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:45,500 - YOU CALLED ME THAT? 131 00:05:45,533 --> 00:05:46,803 - WELL, NOT IN FRONT OF YOU. 132 00:05:46,833 --> 00:05:48,603 WHAT KIND OF PARENTS YOU THINK WE ARE? 133 00:05:51,233 --> 00:05:53,803 YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY, BUT I'VE DONE THINGS ALONE. 134 00:05:53,833 --> 00:05:55,673 DID I NOT GO AWAY TO COLLEGE? 135 00:05:55,700 --> 00:05:57,230 - WITH JUDY. 136 00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:59,567 - WELL, AFTER I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE, 137 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,200 I GOT MY OWN APARTMENT. 138 00:06:01,233 --> 00:06:02,773 both: WITH JUDY. 139 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,400 - WELL, JUDY EVENTUALLY MOVED OUT. 140 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,633 - YEAH, WHEN PETER MOVED IN. 141 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,427 - MEANWHILE, YOUR WIFE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR. 142 00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:14,627 - ADMIT IT, DARLING, YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING 143 00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:16,597 WITHOUT PETER OR JUDY. 144 00:06:16,633 --> 00:06:18,873 NOW WHAT IS YOUR BIG PROBLEM? 145 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:21,630 - WELL, I WON THIS CRUISE TO MEXICO, 146 00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:25,167 AND I CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER TO TAKE PETER OR JUDY. 147 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,770 I'VE MADE MY DECISION. 148 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,630 - TOBLERONE. - SHEA BUTTER. 149 00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:38,667 SO WHO YOU TAKING? 150 00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:40,570 - NEITHER OF YOU. 151 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,270 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, 152 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:45,170 I'VE DECIDED THAT I WANNA DO SOMETHING ALONE. 153 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,700 - IS SHE KIDDING? - I DON'T THINK SHE'S KIDDING. 154 00:06:46,733 --> 00:06:49,273 - LOOK, GUYS, I REALLY FEEL LIKE 155 00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:51,630 I WANNA DO SOMETHING ALL BY MYSELF. 156 00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:53,467 YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, CAN'T YOU? 157 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,830 - YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, JUDY? - NOPE. 158 00:06:54,867 --> 00:06:57,297 DO YOU UNDERSTAND, PETER? - NO. 159 00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,373 I MEAN, PERSONALLY, IT SOUNDS A LITTLE SELFISH. 160 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,470 - SELFISH? I'M BEING SELFISH? 161 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:05,430 ALL I EVER DO IS WORRY ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU. 162 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,827 JUDY'S ALL BY HERSELF TONIGHT, LET'S INVITE JUDY. 163 00:07:08,867 --> 00:07:12,167 JUDY'S ALONE ON SATURDAY, LET'S MAKE SURE JUDY COMES. 164 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,530 JUDY'S NOT-- - JUDY GETS IT. 165 00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:18,627 - AND YOU, EVERY TIME YOU NEED ME, I'M THERE FOR YOU. 166 00:07:18,667 --> 00:07:20,397 "OH, WHAT'S THIS WEIRD MOLE?" 167 00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:22,303 "OH, I CAN'T FEEL MY THUMB." 168 00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:25,833 "OOH, MEASURE MY FACE, I THINK MY EYE IS DROOPING." 169 00:07:25,867 --> 00:07:28,297 - IT WAS DROOPING. 170 00:07:28,333 --> 00:07:31,403 - YOU KNOW, THIS IS REALLY, REALLY DIFFICULT FOR ME. 171 00:07:31,433 --> 00:07:33,703 I HAVE FINALLY MUSTERED THE COURAGE 172 00:07:33,733 --> 00:07:36,303 TO DO SOMETHING ON MY OWN. 173 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:39,173 AND THE TWO PEOPLE THAT SHOULD BE SUPPORTING ME THE MOST 174 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:41,830 ARE MAKING ME FEEL HORRIBLE! 175 00:07:41,867 --> 00:07:45,567 THANK YOU, THIS IS LOVELY. 176 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,500 - SWEETIE, I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL HORRIBLE. 177 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:50,233 LISTEN, I UNDERSTAND, YOU WANNA BE ALONE, THAT'S FINE. 178 00:07:50,267 --> 00:07:52,527 BUT JUST DON'T DO IT ON A CRUISE. 179 00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:54,367 REMEMBER, YOU ALMOST FELL OFF THE BOAT 180 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,130 AT PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN. 181 00:07:57,733 --> 00:07:59,833 IF YOU'RE GONNA GO ON A CRUISE, GO WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 182 00:07:59,867 --> 00:08:02,297 I DON'T CARE IF IT'S ME. TAKE JUDY. 183 00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:04,833 - YEAH, TAKE ME. 184 00:08:04,867 --> 00:08:07,727 - I KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU TWO GO? 185 00:08:07,767 --> 00:08:09,327 - WHAT? 186 00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:10,797 - WHAT? IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE BOAT? 187 00:08:10,833 --> 00:08:14,133 - NO, NO. I REALLY NEED TO BE ALONE. 188 00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:15,897 YOU GUYS WANNA TAKE THE TRIP. 189 00:08:15,933 --> 00:08:17,873 YOU GO, I'LL STAY HOME, 190 00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:19,530 AND WE'LL ALL BE HAPPY. 191 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,897 - NO, AB--NO. THIS IS YOUR TRIP, 192 00:08:21,933 --> 00:08:23,773 YOU SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE GIVING IT UP. 193 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,500 - SHUT UP. 194 00:08:26,533 --> 00:08:28,833 - SERIOUSLY, THIS IS SOMETHING 195 00:08:28,867 --> 00:08:30,897 THAT I REALLY NEED TO DO FOR MYSELF. 196 00:08:30,933 --> 00:08:33,503 SO YOU GO AND ENJOY YOURSELVES. 197 00:08:33,533 --> 00:08:35,473 - OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH, FRAN. 198 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,130 YOU KNOW WHAT, I'VE NEVER HAD ANYBODY BE SO GENEROUS TO ME. 199 00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:39,797 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY, EXCEPT 200 00:08:39,833 --> 00:08:41,803 WELL, SINCE YOU'RE NOT GOING, CAN I TAKE THE SHEA BUTTER? 201 00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:43,333 - OH, YEAH. 202 00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:45,527 HERE. - JUDY. 203 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:48,197 SHE JUST GAVE YOU A FREE CRUISE TO MEXICO, 204 00:08:48,233 --> 00:08:49,603 AND YOU'RE TAKING YOUR GIFT BACK? 205 00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:51,833 I WILL PERSONALLY BUY YOU THE SHEA BUTTER 206 00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:53,667 ON OUR DRIVE DOWN TO LONG BEACH 207 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:57,470 WHEN WE STOP TO GET SOME SWEETS, BECAUSE MY BLOOD SUGAR... 208 00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,170 - OH, HERE, HERE. 209 00:09:04,933 --> 00:09:08,603 - THREE, TWO, ONE... 5:00 P.M. 210 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:18,930 HERE'S TO BEING ALONE. 211 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,500 STILL 5:00. 212 00:09:30,533 --> 00:09:33,333 EH, FRAN, SIT DOWN. 213 00:09:33,367 --> 00:09:35,267 CONTEMPLATE. 214 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:38,800 GET TO KNOW WHO FRAN IS. 215 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,200 WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? I'M A LITTLE BORING. 216 00:09:54,233 --> 00:09:56,233 OH, COMPANY! 217 00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:58,267 OKAY... 218 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,530 BE COOL, YOU'VE HAD COMPANY BEFORE. 219 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,600 OH! 220 00:10:05,633 --> 00:10:08,733 HELLO, LITTLE GIRL. - HI. 221 00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:10,467 WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME COOKIES? 222 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:11,900 - OH, OF COURSE I WOULD. 223 00:10:11,933 --> 00:10:14,273 YOU KNOW, I AM STARVING. 224 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,170 I DIDN'T GO SHOPPING AT THE MARKET 225 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,570 'CAUSE I THOUGHT THAT I WAS TAKING A CRUISE, 226 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:21,870 BUT I ENDED UP GIVING THE TICKETS TO MY BEST FRIEND JUDY 227 00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:24,600 AND MY EX-HUSBAND, WHO STILL LIVES WITH ME-- 228 00:10:24,633 --> 00:10:26,403 YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF THE ECONOMY. 229 00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:28,133 IT'S KIND OF A LONG STORY. 230 00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:31,367 I'M HAPPY TO TELL IT TO YOU IF YOU GOT THE TIME. 231 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,827 - WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME COOKIES? 232 00:10:36,867 --> 00:10:38,797 - YEAH, I'LL TAKE TWO OF EVERYTHING. 233 00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:40,703 - THANK YOU. - WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. 234 00:10:40,733 --> 00:10:42,203 WHERE'S MY COOKIES? 235 00:10:42,233 --> 00:10:43,733 - I DON'T HAVE THE COOKIES HERE. 236 00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:46,327 - WELL, WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY? 237 00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:48,397 THEY COME IN THREE TO SIX WEEKS. 238 00:10:48,433 --> 00:10:50,173 WELL, WHAT KIND OF A SICK JOKE IS THIS? 239 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,300 I'M STARVING. 240 00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:54,633 - SO WHY DON'T YOU GO TO A RESTAURANT? 241 00:10:54,667 --> 00:10:57,697 - OH, 'CAUSE I'M... 242 00:10:57,733 --> 00:10:59,533 I'M ALL BY MYSELF. 243 00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:02,697 - SO? YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO A RESTAURANT BY YOURSELF? 244 00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:05,373 - NO. 245 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,600 - SERIOUSLY? YOU'RE LIKE 80. 246 00:11:08,633 --> 00:11:10,873 - I'VE GOT AN IDEA. 247 00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:12,370 WHY DON'T YOU COME INTO THE HOUSE, 248 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,230 I'LL GET MY PURSE AND COAT, 249 00:11:14,267 --> 00:11:16,867 AND THEN I'LL TAKE YOU OUT FOR SOME ICE CREAM, LITTLE GIRL? 250 00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:18,330 - STRANGER DANGER. 251 00:11:18,367 --> 00:11:20,667 STRANGER DANGER! - NO, NO! 252 00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:23,600 NO, NO, NO! 253 00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:33,127 - GOOD EVENING. HOW MANY? 254 00:11:33,167 --> 00:11:35,297 - UH, ONE. 255 00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:38,670 - EXCUSE ME? 256 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,800 - ONE. 257 00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:42,433 - I'M SORRY, IF YOU DON'T SPEAK UP-- 258 00:11:42,467 --> 00:11:43,727 - ONE, ALL RIGHT? 259 00:11:43,767 --> 00:11:45,697 IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS NEVER MARRIED. 260 00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:49,403 - RIGHT THIS WAY. 261 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,300 - THANK YOU. - YOU ARE VERY WELCOME. 262 00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:01,903 SINGLE HERE! 263 00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:09,300 - HI. I'M CHAD, I'LL BE YOUR WAITER. 264 00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:10,603 - OH, HI, CHAD. 265 00:12:10,633 --> 00:12:12,833 GEE, THIS SPECIAL LOOKS INTERESTING, 266 00:12:12,867 --> 00:12:14,467 CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT? 267 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,570 - YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT. IT'S FOR TWO. 268 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,530 AND YOU'RE ALONE. 269 00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:21,527 - UH, WELL, I WAS JUST CURIOUS ABOUT IT. 270 00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:24,197 UM, CAN YOU GET ME A VODKA, PLEASE? 271 00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:25,803 - I DON'T THINK I SHOULD SERVE YOU. 272 00:12:25,833 --> 00:12:27,803 I SMELL ALCOHOL ON YOU. 273 00:12:27,833 --> 00:12:29,833 WERE YOU HOME DRINKING ALONE? 274 00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:32,797 - I JUST HAD ONE GLASS OF WINE, 275 00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:34,903 AND I CAME OVER IN A CAB. 276 00:12:34,933 --> 00:12:37,533 WHY AM I EXPLAINING MYSELF TO YOU? 277 00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:40,497 - BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO ONE ELSE TO TALK TO? 278 00:12:40,533 --> 00:12:42,833 - JUST BRING ME MY DRINK, PLEASE. 279 00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:49,327 OH, HI, I'M FRAN. OH. 280 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,270 - SORRY. SHE'S ALONE. 281 00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:18,267 ARE YOU READY TO ORDER? 282 00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,830 - UH, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I COULD DO THIS, 283 00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:22,567 BUT I CAN'T. 284 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,330 I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA FIND THIS HARD TO BELIEVE 285 00:13:24,367 --> 00:13:26,427 BUT THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER 286 00:13:26,467 --> 00:13:28,597 BEEN IN A RESTAURANT BY MYSELF. 287 00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:31,373 - GET OUTTA HERE. - IT'S TRUE. 288 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,830 IT TURNS OUT, I'M AFRAID TO BE ALONE. 289 00:13:33,867 --> 00:13:36,567 I WAS AFRAID TO GO TO CAMP, 290 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,630 I NEVER WENT TO EUROPE-- WELL, EPCOT. 291 00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:40,897 I NEVER LIVED ALONE. 292 00:13:40,933 --> 00:13:42,603 I WENT FROM LIVING WITH MY PARENTS, 293 00:13:42,633 --> 00:13:44,173 TO LIVING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, 294 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,900 TO BEING MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS-- 295 00:13:45,933 --> 00:13:47,803 UNTIL MY HUSBAND CAME OUT. 296 00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:50,173 - WAIT, WAIT, YOU WERE MARRIED 18 YEARS 297 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,800 AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GAY? 298 00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:53,603 - I'M SURE THERE MUST'VE BEEN SIGNS, 299 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,203 BUT I DIDN'T SEE THEM. 300 00:13:55,233 --> 00:13:56,773 - MAYBE YOU DIDN'T WANNA SEE THEM 301 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,430 'CAUSE YOU'D END UP ALONE. 302 00:13:58,467 --> 00:14:00,667 YOU LIKE SEA BASS? 303 00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:07,470 - CHAD, YOU ARE SO RIGHT! 304 00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,970 I WAS AFRAID TO BE ALONE, 305 00:14:10,067 --> 00:14:13,727 AND THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T SEE THE SIGNS! 306 00:14:13,767 --> 00:14:15,527 - DID YOU SEE THE SPECIALS? 307 00:14:17,533 --> 00:14:19,803 - HOW MANY THINGS DID I MISS OUT ON IN MY LIFE 308 00:14:19,833 --> 00:14:22,473 BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID TO BE ALONE? 309 00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,770 AND WHAT WAS I SO AFRAID OF? 310 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,430 HERE I AM IN A RESTAURANT! 311 00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:29,867 I'M ALONE. IT AIN'T SO BAD. 312 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:32,230 HOW'S THE PASTA ALLA CHECCA? 313 00:14:32,267 --> 00:14:33,897 - IT'S A LITTLE GARLIC-Y. 314 00:14:33,933 --> 00:14:36,633 - WHO CARES? I'M ALONE! 315 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,230 OH, HI, CESAR. - HOLA, MISS FRAN. 316 00:14:42,267 --> 00:14:45,397 OH, YOU LOOK NICE! - OH, THANK YOU. 317 00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:48,703 - A MAN FINDS AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN MUY CALIENTE. 318 00:14:48,733 --> 00:14:50,433 both: 319 00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:51,867 - I BET WHEN MR. PETER GETS HOME, 320 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,870 YOU AND HE ARE GOING TO-- 321 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:56,400 OH, RIGHT. 322 00:14:56,433 --> 00:14:59,203 MAYBE YOU WILL GET LUCKY AT THE PARTY, EH? 323 00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:01,373 - AH! 324 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,970 - I'M HOME. - OH, HOLA, PEDRO. 325 00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:05,927 - WORST THREE DAYS OF MY LIFE. 326 00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:10,367 - OH, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GAY CABALLERO? 327 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,130 - WELL, JUDY MET A GUY GOING UP THE GANGPLANK, 328 00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:13,427 AND I NEVER SAW HER AGAIN. - AW. 329 00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:14,827 - EXCEPT FOR THE END OF THE CRUISE, 330 00:15:14,867 --> 00:15:16,727 WHEN HE DUMPED HER GOING DOWN THE GANGPLANK. 331 00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:19,267 - OH, WELL, I GUESS WE WERE BOTH BY OURSELVES, HUH? 332 00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:21,630 - YEAH, I THINK MY WEEKEND WAS JUST AS MISERABLE AS YOURS. 333 00:15:21,667 --> 00:15:24,397 - OH, MINE WASN'T HALF BAD, ACTUALLY. 334 00:15:24,433 --> 00:15:28,203 I FOUND OUT THAT YOU CAN BE A PARTY FOR ONE, 335 00:15:28,233 --> 00:15:31,333 AND IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN'T BE A PARTY OF FUN. 336 00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:34,167 I WANNA TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT, BUT IT'LL HAVE TO WAIT 337 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,900 BECAUSE I'M RUNNING LATE FOR BARRY AND VICKI'S PARTY. 338 00:15:36,933 --> 00:15:38,633 - OH, GOSH, IS THAT TONIGHT? 339 00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:41,167 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! I'M A LITTLE TIRED... 340 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,500 BUT I WILL GO WITH YOU. 341 00:15:42,533 --> 00:15:44,433 - OH, THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY, SWEETIE. 342 00:15:44,467 --> 00:15:46,127 I'M JUST GONNA GET THE BOTTLE OF WINE 343 00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:48,297 THAT BARRY AND VICKI GAVE US, THAT WE GAVE THEM, 344 00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:49,903 THAT THEY GAVE US BACK, 345 00:15:49,933 --> 00:15:52,433 AND I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER AT MA'S SHOW. 346 00:15:52,467 --> 00:15:55,197 - SWEETIE. I SAID I WOULD GO WITH YOU. 347 00:15:55,233 --> 00:15:59,233 - BUT I SAID THAT I DIDN'T NEED YOU TO GO WITH ME. 348 00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:00,497 - FINE, GO BY YOURSELF. 349 00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:02,473 - OKAY, THANK YOU, I WILL. 350 00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:05,400 - IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING? 351 00:16:05,433 --> 00:16:07,973 - WHY? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH IT? 352 00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,297 - NOTHING. IF THAT'S, YOU KNOW, 353 00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:13,473 THE LOOK YOU'RE GOING FOR. 354 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,570 - WHAT IS THE PROBLEM, PETER? 355 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,400 - IT'S NO PROBLEM. IT'S JUST THAT I WOULD'VE 356 00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:19,803 PICKED SOMETHING THAT, YOU KNOW, HAD A LITTLE MORE... 357 00:16:19,833 --> 00:16:21,403 - YOU KNOW WHAT I'M BEGINNING TO THINK, PETER? 358 00:16:21,433 --> 00:16:24,303 THAT YOU HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM THAT I HAD. 359 00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:27,773 BECAUSE FOR 18 YEARS, YOU DIDN'T SEE THE SIGNS EITHER. 360 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,400 - WHAT SIGNS? - THIS, THIS. 361 00:16:30,433 --> 00:16:32,673 - WHAT, THE PUMPKIN PILLOW WITH THE BATIK BORDER? 362 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,600 - SIGN! 363 00:16:34,633 --> 00:16:36,133 - FRAN, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 364 00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:38,227 - YOU'RE AFRAID TO BE ALONE, TOO. 365 00:16:38,267 --> 00:16:39,567 - UH, THAT'S RIDIC-- - OH, YES. 366 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,430 - FRAN, COME ON, THAT IS RIDICULOUS. 367 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,297 - THAT'S WHAT IT IS. - I'M THE ONE WHO TOLD YOU 368 00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:44,833 TO GO OFF AND DO THINGS BY YOURSELF. 369 00:16:44,867 --> 00:16:47,427 - ONLY BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT I WOULD. 370 00:16:47,467 --> 00:16:50,427 BUT NOW THAT I HAVE, I DON'T THINK THAT YOU LIKE IT. 371 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:54,127 I THINK THAT YOU PREFER ME TO BE A LITTLE BIT NEEDY. 372 00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:55,597 - OH, COME ON. - YES, THAT'S THE REASON. 373 00:16:55,633 --> 00:16:57,873 - YES, I REALLY LOVE YOU BEING NEEDY. 374 00:16:57,900 --> 00:16:59,830 "PETER, PETER, CAN YOU TURN THE TV ON, PLEASE?" 375 00:16:59,867 --> 00:17:01,727 "OH, PETER, THERE'S A COYOTE IN THE DRIVEWAY." 376 00:17:01,767 --> 00:17:03,497 "PETER, DOES MY ASS LOOK BIG IN THESE PANTS?" 377 00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:05,273 COME ON, WHY THE HELL WOULD I LIKE THAT? 378 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:08,700 - BECAUSE YOU NEED ME TO NEED YOU. 379 00:17:08,733 --> 00:17:11,133 AND NOW YOU'RE JUST FREAKING OUT ON ME, 380 00:17:11,167 --> 00:17:15,227 BECAUSE I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE. 381 00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:22,627 I NEED YOU TO MOVE YOUR CAR. 382 00:17:29,533 --> 00:17:31,773 * DANCE WITH ME 383 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,670 * MAKE ME SWAY 384 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,300 * LIKE A-- 385 00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:38,433 - LOOK AT YOU, DADDY, ALL SMILES. 386 00:17:38,467 --> 00:17:39,927 WHAT'S A MATTER? YOU'RE NOT JEALOUS 387 00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:41,867 OF MA'S LOVE OF VITO ANYMORE? 388 00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,770 - PLEASE, A REAL MAN IS CONFIDENT. 389 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,870 HE DON'T WORRY ABOUT COMPETITION. 390 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:51,127 - * LIKE A FLOWER BENDING IN THE BREEZE * 391 00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:52,867 * BEND WITH ME 392 00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:55,200 * SWAY WITH ME 393 00:17:55,233 --> 00:17:58,173 - LET ME GUESS, VITO? 394 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,700 - THIS IS WHO YOUR MOTHER THINKS LOOKS LIKE ANTONIO BANDERAS. 395 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:05,273 SHE LOOKS MORE LIKE ANTONIO BANDERAS. 396 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:09,830 - * SWAY WITH ME 397 00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:24,833 HONEY, I'M GONNA RUN TO THE MEN'S ROOM. 398 00:18:24,867 --> 00:18:26,727 I DON'T WANNA GET STUCK BEHIND 12 ANGRY PROSTATES. 399 00:18:26,767 --> 00:18:28,197 - OKAY. 400 00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,473 - I'LL SEE YOU AT THE CAST PARTY. 401 00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,570 - BYE. 402 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:35,930 - HEY, FRAN. 403 00:18:35,967 --> 00:18:38,667 - HELLO. 404 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,500 - SO YOU THINK THEY'RE GONNA TAKE THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD? 405 00:18:40,533 --> 00:18:45,233 ONLY IN AN AMBULANCE. 406 00:18:45,267 --> 00:18:46,567 - ALL RIGHT, FINE. 407 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,670 MAYBE I DO LIKE THINKING THAT YOU NEED ME. 408 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:50,830 - AND? 409 00:18:50,867 --> 00:18:52,897 - IT'S ALL MY FAULT, 410 00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:55,703 AND I'M SORRY, AND YOU LOOK REALLY THIN. 411 00:18:55,733 --> 00:18:57,933 OKAY. 412 00:18:57,967 --> 00:18:59,197 I'M SORRY, TOO. - REALLY? 413 00:18:59,233 --> 00:19:00,773 WHAT ARE YOU SORRY ABOUT? 414 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,600 - WELL, WE BOTH HAVE A LITTLE RESPONSIBILITY IN THIS. 415 00:19:03,633 --> 00:19:05,703 I MEAN, YOU NEED TO BE NEEDED, 416 00:19:05,733 --> 00:19:07,603 AND I'M NEEDY. 417 00:19:07,633 --> 00:19:09,473 WE WERE THE PERFECT COUPLE. 418 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:10,900 THEN YOU CHANGED. 419 00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:15,667 YOU KNOW, THAT BIG CHANGE THAT YOU MADE. 420 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:17,730 THAT FORCED ME TO HAVE TO CHANGE TOO. 421 00:19:17,767 --> 00:19:19,497 - I THINK WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY 422 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,533 IS THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA NEED ME AS MUCH ANYMORE. 423 00:19:21,567 --> 00:19:22,967 - THAT'S CORRECT. 424 00:19:23,067 --> 00:19:26,567 - SO IF THERE WAS A BIG BUG IN THE BATHTUB, 425 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,970 YOU WOULD GO AND GET THAT. - NO. 426 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,667 YOU'RE STILL GONNA DO BUGS, VERMIN, 427 00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:31,600 AND VACUUMING THE LIVING ROOM. 428 00:19:31,633 --> 00:19:35,473 - AND YOU WILL...? - CONTINUE TO GROW AND CHANGE. 429 00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:37,230 - WELL, THAT SOUNDS FAIR. 430 00:19:37,267 --> 00:19:40,067 - I'M ON THIS BIG JOURNEY OF SELF-DISCOVERY. 431 00:19:40,067 --> 00:19:41,927 AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DISCOVERED? 432 00:19:41,967 --> 00:19:43,597 - NO, WHAT? 433 00:19:43,633 --> 00:19:48,373 - YOU CAN ORDER PASTA ALLA CHECCA WITH CHICKEN. 434 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,800 - HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 435 00:19:49,833 --> 00:19:51,773 I HAD PASTA ALLA CHECCA, ON THE SHIP. 436 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,370 EXCEPT FOR IT WAS WITH POLLO. 437 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,800 both: THAT IS CHICKEN. 438 00:19:56,533 --> 00:19:58,373 - AW, PETEY. 439 00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,870 I MISSED YOU. 440 00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:01,430 - I MISSED YOU TOO, FRAN. 441 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,770 - HEY, FRAN. - YEAH? 442 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,930 - YOU LOOK REALLY PRETTY TONIGHT. 443 00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:09,797 - OH, THANK YOU. HOW ABOUT YOU? 444 00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:12,603 I FORGOT HOW HANDSOME YOU LOOK WITH A TAN. 445 00:20:12,633 --> 00:20:14,703 YOU KNOW... 446 00:20:14,733 --> 00:20:17,373 WE DON'T HAVE TO GO TO THAT CAST PARTY. 447 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,670 - NO, WE DO NOT. 448 00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,630 - WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO? 449 00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:23,767 - I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO? 450 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:27,900 both: MM, MM! 451 00:20:27,933 --> 00:20:30,233 - WHAT DID I TELL YOU? - MM. 452 00:20:30,267 --> 00:20:32,227 IT'S PHENOMENAL. 453 00:20:32,267 --> 00:20:33,627 - CHAD, HIT US AGAIN. 454 00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:35,327 - THE RESTAURANT CLOSED AN HOUR AGO. 455 00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:36,797 - MM! 456 00:20:36,833 --> 00:20:39,303 Captioning by Captionmax www.captionmax.com 31134

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