Original subtitles

- HAPPILY DIVORCED IS SHOT BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.

- MISS FRAN? - YES?

- MR. EDWARDS HAS TWO ORDERS TODAY,

WHICH ONE GOES WHERE? - OH.

WELL, THIS BEAUTIFUL CARNATION--

THE ONE WITH THE CARD THAT SAYS,

"SORRY I'VE BEEN WORKING SO MUCH"--

THAT GOES TO THE WIFE.

AND THOSE GORGEOUS RED ROSES GO TO THE NANNY.

WHAT'S ON MY SCHEDULE TODAY?

- WELL, AT 10:00, YOU HAVE A COUPLE COMING IN

TO SIGN THE CONTRACT FOR THEIR WEDDING FLOWERS.

- OH, GREAT! AND AFTER THAT?

- UH, WELL...UM...

OH, YOU HAVE A GYNECOLOGIST APPOINTMENT IN THE FALL.

- AH, GOOD. FLOWERS GOING OUT,

THAT MEANS MONEY COMING IN.

AND BOY, WE COULD USE IT. - WHY? WHAT'S UP?

- PROPERTY TAXES DUE.

- WHY'S THAT A PROBLEM? DIDN'T WE BUDGET FOR THAT?

- UH, YES. WE TOOK HALF OF NOTHING

AND WE SOCKED IT AWAY.

NO, FRAN, WE DIDN'T GET A REFUND ON OUR INCOME TAX

TO HELP PAY THE PROPERTY TAX

BECAUSE THIS YEAR WE FILED AS SINGLES.

- OH, GEE, AND REMIND ME WHY THAT HAPPENED.

- FRAN, I'M SERIOUS.

WE HAVE GOT TO COME UP WITH SOME MO-NAY.

- WELL, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABOUT TO CLOSE

ON A PROPERTY IN TOLUCA LAKE?

- YEAH, IT'S A GROUND-FLOOR CONDO

RIGHT NEAR THE BURBANK AIRPORT WITH NO BACKYARD.

UNLESS YOU COUNT RUNWAY THREE.

- WELL, NEVER MIND,

BECAUSE I HAVE A COUPLE COMING IN

THAT'S GOING TO SIGN A BIG CONTRACT

FOR THEIR WEDDING.

SO ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS ARE OVER.

- EXCEPT FOR THE FACT

THAT WE'RE DIVORCED AND YOU STILL LIVE HERE.

- GOD, I LOVE FUCHSIA.

- AND THE GAY THING.

- NOW, FRANNIE, THIS WEDDING,

IT'S DECENT MONEY, RIGHT?

- THIS IS THE BIGGEST WEDDING I EVER HAD.

IT'LL MORE THAN COVER OUR TAX BILL.

NOW THE COUPLE IS GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE,

SO GET LOST. - OH, WELL THEN,

I SHOULD STICK AROUND.

'CAUSE, FRANNIE, THIS...IS WHAT I DO.

I AM A CLOSER.

- WELL, CLOSE 'ER AND GET LOST.

BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I DO.

TRUST ME, IT'S IN THE BAG.

OH, SEE?

THEY'RE HERE.

HI! WELCOME TO FRANTASTIC FLOWERS!

- OKAY. - WELL, I'LL BE GOING.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- OH, YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME, SIR.

- WHAT A PLEASURE TO DO BUSINESS WITH FRANTASTIC FLOWERS.

I'M TELLING YOU, THE FRESHEST FLOWERS

THIS SIDE OF THE 40--

- SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MONICA.

- THIS IS JEREMY, MY FIANCE.

- HI. - OH!

SO HANDSOME! - RIGHT?

JEREMY HAS SOME GREAT IDEAS FOR THE WEDDING.

HE'S BEEN SUCH A HELP TO ME.

- OH? - NOW FOR CENTERPIECES,

I'M THINKING LILIES FLOATING WITH TEA LIGHTS.

MAYBE. AND A BURST OF COLOR.

OH! * I LOVE FUCHSIA

- * SHE WAS CERTAIN THAT HE WAS THE ONE AND ONLY *

* BUT THEIR UNION ALWAYS SEEMED A LITTLE FORCED *

* SHE GOT MARRIED ANYWAY

* TURNS OUT THAT HE WAS GAY *

* THEY'RE STILL IN LOVE BUT NOW SHE'S *

* HAPPILY DIVORCED *

- AND THE GOWN...

A-LINE SHEATH OF EMBROIDERED SATIN...

RAW SILK RUCHED FLOWERS ALONG THE BODICE,

PLUNGING BACK...

SEED PEARL, BEADED, BATTENBURG LACE CHOKER.

- LET ME GUESS, YOU DESIGNED IT?

- YES.

- SWEETIE, WE GOTTA TALK.

- I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY.

IT'S KIND OF OBVIOUS, ISN'T IT?

- KINDA.

- $5,000 FOR FLOWERS JUST ISN'T ENOUGH.

SO WE'RE GONNA BUMP IT TO $10,000!

- $10,000 IT IS.

- IT'S JUST SO WORTH IT.

YOU ONLY GET MARRIED ONCE.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH

TO FIND THAT ONE SPECIAL GUY

YOU'RE GONNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH.

I JUST FEEL SO SAFE WITH JEREMY

KNOWING THAT NOTHING COULD EVER GO WRONG.

- I WANNA SEE WHICH PETALS

CASCADE MORE SLOWLY TO THE GROUND.

- OH, I CAN'T. I CAN'T!

WALK WITH ME, HONEY, WALK WITH ME.

- * MY DREAM WEDDING

* FLOWERS EVERYWHERE

- HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, MR. PETER.

- OH, THANK YOU, CESAR.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER

WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO AFFORD THIS FANCY COFFEE.

- OH, IT'S OKAY. I JUST SAVE THE CUP

AND FILL IT UP WITH THE POT IN THE GARAGE.

- HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?

- OH, SINCE MISS FRAN TOLD ME,

"THE BIG DOPE WILL NEVER KNOW."

- FRAN? - THERE YOU ARE.

- HEY, DO YOU HAVE THE DEPOSIT CHECK FROM THAT COUPLE?

I GOTTA GET IT RIGHT INTO THE BANK

SO WE CAN PAY THIS TAX BILL.

- YOU KNOW, IT'S A FUNNY THING.

THERE'S A LITTLE TWIST ON THAT.

THEY CHANGED THEIR MINDS!

- WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?

- I DON'T KNOW!

SHE GOT SOME KIND OF AN IDEA IN HER HEAD,

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE CHANGED HER MIND!

CRAZY KIDS.

- UH, HELLO? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WE HAVE A TAX BILL TO PAY HERE.

- WELL, WHY IS THAT MY PROBLEM ALL OF A SUDDEN?

- 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID YOU HAD IT IN THE BAG.

- OH! WELL, OBVIOUSLY I WAS WRONG.

PLAN B.

- FRAN, THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

WE OWE THEM MONEY.

AND THEY'RE MORE BROKE THAN WE ARE.

I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SELL SOMETHING.

- GOOD, GOOD! OKAY, OKAY.

UM, UH...I KNOW!

I KNOW, WE'LL SELL THE ESPRESSO MACHINE.

WE NEED A NEW ONE ANYWAY.

- OKAY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL.

WHY ON EARTH WOULD THAT COUPLE CHANGE THEIR MIND?

I SAW THEM WHEN THEY CAME IN. THEY WERE HAPPY.

WHAT HAPPENED?

- OH, PETER, I THINK THAT I MIGHT HAVE, UM...

- FRAN. WHAT DID YOU DO?

- I, UH, UH...

OH! I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING WE CAN SELL.

- GOOD. - MY ENGAGEMENT RING.

- OH, YOU CAN'T-- NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

- PETER, WE ARE IN THIS DIVORCE TOGETHER.

HERE, HERE.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D BE WILLING

TO MAKE SUCH A BIG SACRIFICE.

- YEAH, WELL. - HONESTLY, FRAN,

SOMETIMES YOU ARE JUST THE MOST UNDERSTANDING,

SENSITIVE, GENEROUS WOMAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

- WELL, THAT'S ME, THE JEWISH OPRAH.

- OH...I REMEMBER WHEN WE PICKED THIS OUT.

IT WENT SO BEAUTIFULLY WITH THAT GOWN I DESIGNED FOR YOU.

- THANK YOU. - THANK YOU.

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAD TO SELL MY ENGAGEMENT RING!

- UGH! IT WAS THE PERFECT RING.

- THAT RING MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME.

I WAS GONNA CHOP IT UP INTO TWO DROP EARRINGS AND A PENDANT.

- OH, SIT OVER HERE. - IT'S HAPPY HOUR, LADIES.

- OH. - YAY! WHOO-HOO!

WHY DID I HAVE TO OPEN UP MY BIG, FAT MOUTH

AND TELL THAT GIRL SHE WAS MARRYING A PETER?

IT'S NOT LIKE ANYBODY EVER GAVE ME A HEADS-UP.

- BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THE HEART.

YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY!

- YOU KNEW TOO? WHO ELSE KNEW?

- WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHO DIDN'T KNOW...

YOU AND PETER.

- WELL, I DID THE RIGHT THING.

I COULDN'T LET THAT GIRL END UP ALONE,

MIDDLE-AGED, SITTING IN SOME BAR, NO DATES,

JUST GETTING OLDER AND MORE DESPERATE BY THE SECOND.

- HEY, BABY!

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED 18 YEARS OF MY LIFE!

MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE FOREVER.

THIS WAY, WHEN YOUR PARTS BEGIN TO SAG,

YOU'RE STILL WITH THE GUY

WHO REMEMBERS WHERE THEY USED TO BE.

- YOU'RE GONNA MEET A GUY TONIGHT, FRANNIE, I PROMISE YOU.

- MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. - YEAH.

- I'M A GOOD PERSON. - YOU ARE.

- I BUSTED UP THAT MARRIAGE.

WONDER WHAT HIS STORY IS.

OH, WHO CARES, I'M GOING IN.

- NO! NO, NO, NO. - WHAT?

- YOU JUST DON'T GET UP AND WALK OVER TO A GUY.

YOU SIT HERE, AND...YOU ACT ALOOF.

THEN YOU WAIT FOR HIM TO COME TO YOU.

- OH. ALL RIGHT.

WELL, YOU'RE THE SINGLE ONE, I GUESS YOU KNOW BEST.

NOW I KNOW WHY YOU'RE SINGLE.

- "LOS ANGELES COUNTY TAX COLLECTOR,

ONE...TESTICLE."

- MR. PETER, YOUR RESERVATIONS ARE SET.

- A TABLE AT CAPO? HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

- IT WAS NOTHING.

I CALLED AND GOT YOU TWO FOR 7:30.

OH, AND BY THE WAY,

YOU SPELL YOUR LAST NAME "CRUISE"

AND YOUR FIRST NAME "TOM."

I WANTED TO GET YOU 8:00,

BUT HE'S NOT AS BIG AS HE USED TO BE.

- WELL, THANK YOU, CESAR. IT REALLY IS HER FAVORITE PLACE.

- MM. MR. PETER, YOU KNOW HOW I DON'T LIKE

TO GET INTO YOUR PERSONAL AFFAIRS.

BUT WHY ARE YOU STILL CELEBRATING YOUR ANNIVERSARY?

- WELL, WE WERE MARRIED FOR 18 YEARS.

AND I STILL LOVE HER.

BESIDES, I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL.

I MEAN, SHE HAD TO SELL HER RING 'CAUSE SHE LOST THAT SALE.

- OH, THAT'S RIGHT. BECAUSE MRS. FRAN

TOLD THAT GIRL NOT TO MARRY THAT MAN.

- WHAT? WHY WOULD SHE TELL HER NOT TO MARRY HIM?

- BECAUSE HE'S A--

A MR. PETER.

- HEY. - FRAN...

WHAT DID YOU DO?

- I GOT A DATE!

- BEFORE THAT.

- A LOT OF DRINKS.

- I MEAN, WHY DID YOU INTENTIONALLY RUIN

THAT GIRL'S WEDDING?

- CESAR!

- OH, WAIT, I'M GETTING A CALL.

HELLO?

- THAT'S YOUR WALLET. - OH.

- ARE YOU CRAZY?

WE'RE IN THIS FINANCIALOSITION

BECAUSE WE OPENED THAT FLOWER BUSINESS,

AND YOU GO AND BLOW THE BIGGEST SALE WE EVER HAD

BECAUSE OF SOME SILLY ASSUMPTION?

- WELL, HE LIKED FUCHSIA. - WHO DOESN'T?

- STRAIGHT GUYS.

THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW IT'S A COLOR.

THEY THINK IT'S A PASTA.

- OKAY, FINE. I THINK I'M STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THIS.

BUT COME ON! DID YOU HAVE TO BLOW THAT SALE?

- THAT GIRL WAS ME 20 YEARS AGO,

AND I WANTED TO SPARE HER THE AGONY OF ENDING UP

MIDDLE-AGED, BACK IN THE MEAT MARKET,

LONG PAST HER SELL-BY DATE.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SOMEONE JUST ASKED YOU OUT.

- OH, PLEASE! PETER, THAT'S ONE DATE.

AND FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I ASKED HIM.

I'M BACK AT GROUND ZERO.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DATES I GOTTA GO ON

BEFORE I MEET MR. RIGHT?

- UH, YEAH.

- WELL, I HOPE THAT FOR YOUR SAKE

HE DOESN'T WAKE YOU UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

AND RUIN YOUR LIFE BY SAYING,

"GUESS WHAT, HONEY. I'M STRAIGHT."

- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

THAT YOU'RE SORRY YOU MARRIED ME?

- WELL, THINK ABOUT IT, PETER.

THINGS DIDN'T EXACTLY WORK OUT

WITH THE HAPPY ENDING THAT I EXPECTED.

I'M SORRY, IT WAS A MISTAKE.

A BIG MISTAKE.

- OKAY, FINE! THEN I WILL CANCEL THE PLANS

THAT I MADE FOR US TO CELEBRATE OUR ANNIVERSARY.

- WHAT IS THERE TO CELEBRATE?

WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN OUT OF THE LAST 18 YEARS?

BESIDES BEING 11 YEARS OLDER.

- CESAR, WERE YOU LISTENING THE WHOLE TIME?

- OH, I CAN'T LEAVE. MRS. FRAN PARKED BEHIND ME.

- HER CAR'S IN THE SHOP.

- OH, GOOD. WELL, THEN I CAN GO.

- SO THEN HE SAYS,

"ARE YOU SAYING YOU'RE SORRY THAT I MARRIED YOU?"

AND I SAID, "YES, I'M SORRY.

IT WAS A MISTAKE."

- YOU SAID THAT TO YOUR HUSBAND?

- HE'S NOT MY HUSBAND, MA.

- WELL, NO WONDER, THE WAY YOU TALK TO HIM.

AND GOING OUT ON A DATE WITH ANOTHER MAN

ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY?

WHO DOES THAT?

- DIVORCED PEOPLE.

- SWEETHEART, YOU'RE UPSET,

I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SOME BLINTZES.

- OH, PLEASE, GLEN. LET ME.

- NO, YOU'RE TALKING. I'LL MAKE THE BLINTZES.

WHERE ARE THE BLIN-- - IN THE FREEZER.

- SO ANYWAY, HE'S MOPING AROUND

FOR THREE DAYS, MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY.

I'M THE INJURED PARTY. I'M THE ONE THAT GOT DUMPED.

- DO WE USE BUTTER OR CANOLA?

- BUTTER. AM I WRONG?

- NO, WE USE BUTTER.

- MA, I'M TALKING ABOUT PETER AND THE ANNIVERSARY.

- WHERE'S THE BUTTER?

- IN THE BATHROOM, DADDY.

WHERE WOULD THE BUTTER BE?

- SWEETHEART... PETER IS HURT.

HE MADE A RESERVATION. HE BOUGHT A NICE SHIRT.

- DID HE CALL YOU?

- HE STOPPED BY.

HE WAS SAD. - SUCH A SWEET BOY.

AND WHILE HE WAS HERE,

HE LINED OUR DRAWERS WITH NEW CONTACT PAPER.

EH, BOY. GO FIND ANOTHER PETER.

- FRANNIE, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND PETER'S SIDE.

I MEAN, EVEN IF YOUR MOTHER WAS NO LONGER WITH US--

GOD FORBID--

I'D STILL CELEBRATE OUR ANNIVERSARY.

I MEAN, I'D WANNA REMEMBER

ALL THE JOY AND ALL THE LOVE.

- WHO SAID I WAS GOING FIRST?

- I'M JUST MAKING AN EXAMPLE.

- MAKE AN EXAMPLE WITH YOURSELF EATING BLINTZES,

WITH YOUR CHOLESTEROL GOING THROUGH THE ROOF.

- FINE. I'LL DIE FIRST.

- I WAS PASSING BY IT THE OTHER DAY,

AND IT'S FOR SALE!

LOOK, IT'S OUR DREAM HOUSE.

- OH, MY GOD!

IT'S LIKE WE'VE DIED AND GONE TO 1923 SPANISH COLONIAL HEAVEN.

- RIGHT. IT'S KIND OF EXPENSIVE, THOUGH.

CAN WE AFFORD TO BUY IT?

- FRANNIE, CAN WE AFFORD NOT TO?

IT'S REAL ESTATE. WE CAN'T GO WRONG.

THE ECONOMY JUST KEEPS

GETTING BETTER, AND BETTER, AND BETTER!

- OH, BABY, I HAVE SUCH A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS PLACE.

I JUST WANT US TO LIVE IN IT TOGETHER

FOREVER AND EVER - FRANNIE, I HAVE A FEELING...

WE WILL.

- MM, MM. - MM.

- MM.

- YOU WOULD LOOK GORGEOUS IN THOSE SHOES.

- LOOK, LOOK, LOOK! I GOT MY FIRST ORDER.

- HEY, CONGRATULATIONS, FRAN.

OH, PETER, SAY HELLO TO CESAR.

I JUST HIRED HIM. - BUENOS DIAS, MR. PETER.

- HOW DO YOU DO? - VERY WELL, THANK YOU.

NOT TO WORRY, I AM VERY QUIET AND I KEEP TO MYSELF.

I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO YOUR PERSONAL LIVES.

- AND LISTEN TO WHAT THEY WANT THE CARD TO SAY.

"TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I CHERISH THE DAY I FOUND YOU

"AND I'M SO PROUD OF WHAT YOU'VE ACCOMPLISHED.

YOUR LOVING HUSBAND." AW!

I WONDER WHAT SHE DID.

- SHE OPENED HER OWN FLOWER BUSINESS.

- OH, PETEY! THIS ORDER IS FROM YOU?

- MM, OH, SWEETIE!

both:

- LOOK AT THIS. HEALTHY AS A HORSE.

HUSBANDS DON'T ALWAYS DIE FIRST.

SOME OF THEM JUST HIDE.

- SWEETHEART, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

- NO. YEAH.

I MEAN, I WILL BE,

JUST AS SOON AS I TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING.

THANKS, YOU GUYS. YOU'VE BEEN VERY HELPFUL.

- WELL, WHAT ARE FAMILIES FOR, DARLING?

TO PROVIDE LOVE AND SUPPORT AND--

WHAT AREOU DOING? THAT'S NOT CINNAMON.

THAT'S CAYENNE PEPPER YOU'RE PUTTING ON THE BLINTZ!

- CALL A LAWYER.

- OH, PLEASE. DON'T YOU DARE.

- OH, THANKS, MICHAEL.

- HI. - HEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I THOUGHT YOU HAD A HOT DATE.

- I GOT TIME. - HOW'D YOU KNOW I'D BE HERE?

- GAY BAR, GAY. HALF-PRICE DRINKS, BROKE.

OH, PETER...

I'M NOT SORRY THAT I MARRIED YOU.

- ARE YOU SURE? - YES.

- BOY, 'CAUSE WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT,

MAYBE I DID WASTE YOUR YOUTH.

I MEAN, YOU WERE SO YOUNG, YOU WERE GORGEOUS,

YOU HAD YOUR PICK OF A MILLION GUYS...

- UH!

- I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

YOU ARE STILL YOUNG, YOU LOOK GORGEOUS,

AND YOU HAVE A DATE WITH A HOT GUY TONIGHT.

COME ON, HALF THE GUYS IN THIS ROOM

WOULD KILL TO BE IN YOUR SHOES.

- HALF THE GUYS ARE.

- FRANNIE... I HATED TO SELL THAT RING.

- OH, I KNOW.

BUT YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST THINGS.

THIS IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT.

OUR MARRIAGE WAS BEAUTIFUL.

IT WAS KINDA LIKE A BLINTZ.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S RICH, DELICIOUS, SWEET...

AND JUST BECAUSE YOU HAD TO SPIT OUT THE LAST BITE

'CAUSE IT HAS TOO MUCH CAYENNE PEPPER ON IT

DOES NOT MEAN YOU DIDN'T LOVE EVERYTHING YOU ATE BEFORE.

- THAT'S SWEET.

YOU'RE NOT DRIVING, RIGHT?

- MAYBE I SHOULDN'T GO ON THE DATE.

I CAN CANCEL. - NO.

- I DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING ANY-- - DO NOT DO THAT.

NO, YOU GO ON AND ENJOY YOURSELF.

YOU LOOK SO PRETTY TONIGHT.

YOU DON'T WANNA WASTE IT IN HERE.

- I DID COME OUT GOOD, DIDN'T I?

- YEAH, YOU DID.

NOW GO ON. GO HAVE SOME FUN.

- * SOMEBODY LOVES YOU, BABY *

- OH, JUDY'S SINGING OUR SONG!

- * OH, SOMEBODY LOVES YOU, BABY *

* YOU KNOW WHO IT IS

- LOVE PATTI LABELLE.

- I KNOW.

- WHAT DO YOU SAY, FRAN?

QUICK ONE FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE?

- OKAY.

- * I WOKE UP EACH MORNING

* WITH YOU ON MY MIND

* OH, WHOA

* SOMEBODY LOVES YOU, BABY

* WHOA-WHOA-OA

* SOMEBODY LOVES YOU, BABY - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, FRAN.

- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, PETEY.

- * SOMEBODY LOVES YOU, BABY

* OH, WHOA - OH, PETER!

- IT'S A ROLL OF MENTOS.

- AH. - * SOMEBODY LOVES YOU, BABY

* WHOA-WHOA-WHOA WHOA-WHOA-WHOA *

* WHOA-WHOA- WHOA-WHOA-WHOA *

- UH-OH.