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'The following programme
contains drug references,
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00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:07,760
'and very strong and sexual language
from the outset.'
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00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,840
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS)
4
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,680
Look at this shit.
Back to its former glory.
5
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,440
Like a phoenix from the flames.
6
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,120
Oh, my God. Tyler's play.
Fuck! What time is it?
7
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,280
Where's them dickheads?
Oi, oi, Ash? Cardi?
8
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,320
Shit.
9
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,360
What the fuck's going on here?
Nothing.
10
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,320
Well, why is all that out?
What you watching?
11
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:34,440
It's not doll porn.
12
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,720
It has to stop.
Last time I am telling yer!
13
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,360
Fucking idiot. We got caught.
14
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,400
♪ The best things
In life are free... ♪
15
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We're fucking two wheels
in the sand here, we're late!
16
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,600
I said we would be.
This is your fucking fault...
17
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:49,320
Stop worrying, we'll make it.
Honestly... Fuck me.
18
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,480
This play better be fucking good,
I tell you what...
19
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,720
Who will help me dig the earth?
20
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,240
(LAMB)
I won't! (CAT) I won't!
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00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:57,680
(PIG)
I won't!
22
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:58,840
I will do it myself.
23
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,080
Who will help me plant this wheat?
24
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,440
I won't!
I won't!
25
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,600
I won't!
Fucking hell. Flat! Fucking pig...
26
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,360
I will do it myself.
27
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,600
Who will help me water these seeds?
28
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,360
I won't!
I won't!
29
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I won't!
That fucking pig... he's really...
30
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He's really good.
I will do it myself.
31
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,960
(APPLAUSE, CHEERS)
32
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,280
All the pupils of year three
have all made a special card,
33
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:34,920
to show how much we love...
(CHILDREN) You.
34
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:39,160
They each have a special message
inside for the people we love.
35
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,200
(APPLAUSE)
36
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Daddy. Daddy.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
37
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:47,760
That's lovely.
38
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,640
Come here and give me a love.
Oh, you are getting heavy.
39
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,520
Mummy.
Oh, you were so bloody good.
40
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,760
Who was the pig?
You were a lot better than the pig.
41
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,320
I thought the pig was lacklustre.
42
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,800
Ashley, what's going on?
Are you alright?
43
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,520
You might wanna put that out...
44
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,560
Sorry...
..it's a school.
45
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,120
It's just my father.
46
00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,520
I've been thinking about him a lot,
since Mammy went back to Ireland.
47
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:16,880
All this, like...
48
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:21,560
..I never had any of that,
let alone the people in the seats.
49
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:22,720
Do you miss him?
50
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,960
No, not Daddy,
no, not that arsehole.
51
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My actual REAL dad.
52
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Look at me, lads, I don't look
anything like the others.
53
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Mammy was adamant.
Every time I asked her.
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We all had the same dad. Daddy.
55
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Fucked if he's my dad.
56
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,680
Cause she'd have to admit
to having an affair.
57
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,800
Yeah, but I don't care.
Sure, I'm a grown adult, like...
58
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,720
I don't care what she did.
59
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,560
Hang on...
60
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,320
We're were gonna tell you
at the pub tonight.
61
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,880
Err, me and Carol, cos...
62
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,960
we're getting married again.
(GASPS)
63
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,160
N-Niall is gonna be there.
64
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,120
He knows all the family secrets,
doesn't he?
65
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,320
So...
We could just, like, ambush him
66
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,400
and get him to tell you the truth.
67
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,160
That's a fucking good idea.
68
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,560
Niall, he gets really weird,
anything to do with my mammy.
69
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,360
Now, listen,
there isn't a day goes by
70
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,320
where I don't think about my mum
leaving me, man, honestly...
71
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:20,560
she's out there somewhere.
72
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,800
I mean, if you find your dad,
he could be a massive knob head,
73
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,840
but at least we tried, y'know?
74
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,280
Yeah? Yeah?
Yeah! Yeah!
75
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,960
(CALM, CHILLED MUSIC)
76
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,560
Go on, sod off.
77
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(SLIDING DOOR GRINDS)
78
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:45,760
(SIGHS)
79
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,280
You're still his Uncle Dylan.
80
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,400
Look, you are just as important
to him now
81
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,440
as you ever fucking were, man.
82
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,480
I know.
83
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,240
What the fuck's going on with you,
man?
84
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:04,560
I'm fine.
85
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,920
Fuck off.
86
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,600
Talk to me!
I'm fine.
87
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,480
I...
(SCOFFS)
88
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,120
I dunno, I'm just...
89
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,000
I dunno, just, it feels like...
90
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,640
..you've got,
you've got something I had.
91
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,240
Y'know?
92
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:29,240
I was, I was kind of his dad,
y'know, and now...
93
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,000
You still are his fucking dad, dude.
I'm not his dad. I am not his dad.
94
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,160
She, she got rid of my kid,
95
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:38,560
and I know that sounds like
a fucking broken record...
96
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,920
but it's hard, alright.
It is fucking hard...
97
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,000
..to forgive her for that.
Yeah.
98
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,320
Y'know, I just...
that's some sort of irony...
99
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,960
Y'know, stop shagging round
and just...
100
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,000
..y'know, find someone
I can have a life with, because...
101
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,880
You're right. You do need to fucking
sort yourself out. I agree.
102
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,680
But I am telling you now, man,
103
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:09,320
with no agenda at all,
that fucking boy adores you.
104
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,640
Do you understand?
105
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:15,320
That card there is for both of us.
It's not just mine, man.
106
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,440
Now stop having sex
with random strangers.
107
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,520
You're gonna get fucking chlamydia.
108
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,160
Again.
Give me a love.
109
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,560
(LAUGHS HEARTILY)
110
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♪ You don't have to say you love me
111
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,240
♪ Just be close at hand. ♪
112
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,160
To Carol and Cardi!
113
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,800
(ALL)
Cardi and Carol. (CHEERS)
114
00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:35,880
Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
115
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,320
It doesn't mean we've gotta
steal another wedding, does it?
116
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:39,920
I don't think I can do that again...
No.
117
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,520
We're keeping this one real simple.
Registry office, booze up,
118
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,360
then a honeymoon
on Three Eyed Pete's barge.
119
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:45,720
Three Eyed Pete? Fuck me.
120
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,320
I thought he went to prison for
flashing his knob on the tow path?
121
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,040
He did,
that's why the barge is available.
122
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,360
(LAUGHTER)
123
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,200
Congratulations.
Thanks. Second time lucky, innit!
124
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:57,640
Does he get a plus one,
for the wedding reception?
125
00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,320
Err, yes, certainly. Yes.
126
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,040
I'm only joking,
unless you want me to come,
127
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,640
I mean, I'd love to,
I do love a wedding.
128
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,120
He would love you to come with him,
129
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,160
he's just brutal
at talking to girls.
130
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,480
Great. Well, look forward to it.
131
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,920
Alright, yeah. Fucking hell.
132
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,480
(WHOOPS)
133
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,080
Stop wooing me, dudes.
134
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,680
She's into you something fierce,
Vin.
135
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,640
No. No.
It just feels a bit inappropriate
136
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,240
going to a wedding for a first date,
dude. Very intense.
137
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:26,600
Here, look, Niall's on his own
over there, will you talk to him?
138
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:31,040
♪ You don't have to stay forever
I will understand... ♪
139
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:34,600
Alright, Erin.
Alright, Mick.
140
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,320
I hear you and Dylan
aren't together?
141
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,000
Yeah, you heard right.
142
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,600
Well, you're in luck!
I'm single, as it goes.
143
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,560
Bird I was seeing
pissed off to Whitley Bay.
144
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,800
Right. Why Whitley?
145
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,880
God knows. Must have fancied
moving down South.
146
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,320
It's up North. It's near Newcastle.
147
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,200
Is it?
Yeah.
148
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,760
Bitch told me
it was on the East coast.
149
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,480
It is, it's the North East.
150
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:02,720
North East?
151
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,160
Didn't know
the North East had a coast.
152
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,720
(CHEERS, APPLAUSE)
153
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,440
(ELVIS VOICE)
Thank you very much.
154
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,680
Here he is, big lad.
How are you keeping?
155
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,360
Hi, Vinnie.
You're looking well now.
156
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,400
Quick chat with yer?
157
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,760
Been a bit worried
about our Ashley recently.
158
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,680
He seems a bit down in the dumps.
159
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,640
Anyway...
160
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,120
I think I've found out why.
It's his dad.
161
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,440
What about his dad?
He's just wondering what's going on.
162
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,120
He knows he don't look like
the rest of yous, y'know...
163
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,520
What are you talking about?
Not the same da as the rest of us?
164
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,400
Let's be grown ups.
He's mixed race, in't he.
165
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,760
Vinnie, you're talking shite.
I'm not talking shite.
166
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:40,040
He's fucking definitely mixed race.
Vinnie, that's enough.
167
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,920
Niall, he is not bothered,
he's not angry, or owt,
168
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,480
he just wants to meet his real dad.
169
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,320
You saying my mother
had an extra marital affair?
170
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,360
Is that what you're suggesting,
Vincent O'Neil,
171
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,840
that my mother cheated on
her loving husband with a black man.
172
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,240
He didn't love her.
173
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,880
Dude, he used to press his dick up
against the fucking bus window,
174
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,120
remember when we drove past...
How fucking dare you?
175
00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,960
Niall!
What's he said?
176
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,480
What have you said?
Nothing.
177
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,520
Let me hit him.
No, listen, I've already hit him.
178
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,120
Fucking ring caught me on't lip,
dude.
179
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,160
We're going.
180
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,480
Not standing here being insulted
by this baldy bastard.
181
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,320
Sorry, man.
I didn't mean to upset anyone.
182
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,800
Oh, you fucker.
Prick.
183
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,800
That's just... Fuck me.
184
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,440
My fucking lip and dick.
185
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,640
How did it go over there?
I got hit, twice.
186
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,160
Oh, I need to be sick.
187
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,000
(COUGHS)
See you at the wedding.
188
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,080
(TENSE, SLOW MUSIC)
189
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,560
(SCREAMS)
190
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,600
Erin!
(SCREAMS)
191
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,240
It's only me, I'm free.
192
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,320
Ja-rasta-fary. Yes, blessed I am.
193
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:52,000
You stupid fucking bastard.
What, did I scare you?
194
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,000
♪ Oh, Danny Boy
195
00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,840
♪ The pipes, the pipes are calling
196
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,960
♪ From glen to glen...
Ash.
197
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:10,000
You're my brother, right.
No matter what, you're my brother.
198
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:15,160
But you know the rules,
we don't go delving in the past. OK?
199
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,560
You didn't get that from me.
200
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,720
You're shit in a bucket, Anthony,
that's what we call you, int it?
201
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:47,840
Shit in a bucket!
202
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,840
And I've heard
what you've been saying
203
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,680
about your lady
fighting me, ha-ha...
204
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,640
I don't know, man. What's the deal?
205
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,240
Why do you think Niall's telling us
go visit your Aunty Pat?
206
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,600
Don't think that's your dad, do yer?
I'd thought about it.
207
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,280
Do you think I look like him?
208
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,440
..you fucking shit in a bucket...
209
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,160
I don't fucking know,
I mean, Tyler's my little lad.
210
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,680
Y'know, do I look anything like him?
211
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:08,960
No. No. No.
Exactly.
212
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,120
No, he's a terrific looking boy.
He is, y'know...
213
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,480
Well, he is, in't he?
That bone structure.
214
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,360
That's all his mum.
I was a cute baby. Everyone said.
215
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,120
Everyone said that, did they?
Everyone?
216
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,640
Dickhead, listen to this...
217
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:26,360
Ashley, I was involved in a very
prestigious award at Hawley fair
218
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:27,680
when I was just 12 months old.
219
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,880
Guess what the award was?
Go on.
220
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,920
Beautiful baby competition, it was.
I won the fucking thing.
221
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,160
No way!
Now, who told you that, eh?
222
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,640
Huh?
223
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:40,440
Obviously you can't remember it,
so who told you?
224
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:41,680
My dad.
Your dad told you?!
225
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,360
Yeah.
Because he used to fucking gamble
226
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,080
and I didn't like it
and I'd have a go at him.
227
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,960
He'd say, "Shut up Vincent,
you've gotta be in it to win it...
228
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,120
"look at you, and that..."
229
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,400
You and that
beautiful baby competition.
230
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,640
Just fuck off, dude. Shit.
Ha-ha!
231
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:56,680
Shit.
232
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,440
♪ Everyday
233
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,040
♪ Things are getting worse
234
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,400
♪ Everyday...
Ronnie.
235
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,840
Right, sit up, 'ere.
(STRETCHES)
236
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,640
Come on, Erin, can your brother
not just get the sleep he needs?
237
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,520
Ronnie, sit the fuck up,
it's burning my hand.
238
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,080
Fucking hell. For God's sake.
Ow.
239
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,120
(SNORTS)
240
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,920
That's an alright brew, that, Ezzo.
Mmm.
241
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,160
You're still a Buddhist then
I take it?
242
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,320
Buddhist? Oh, come on, Erin.
Labels man. Labels. Labels. Labels.
243
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,840
I've had enough of them.
I've had 'em all my life, man.
244
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,720
People go,
"Oh, Ronnie, he's rubbish."
245
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,960
"Ronnie is fucking thick."
246
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,560
"Ronnie is a feckless, violent,
aggressive thief..."
247
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,720
You are all them things though.
That... I WAS Erin.
248
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,320
W to the O to the S. WAS.
249
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,440
So, what I'm gonna do is...
Go on...
250
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,480
..I'm gonna prove to you, Erin,
that I can...
251
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:50,840
I can make a go of things.
252
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,800
Turn things around without
having to resort to like, erm...
253
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,120
Oh, what's the fucking word...
254
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,960
rather than kicking someone's
head in and taking the money.
255
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,120
How you gonna do that?
Easy.
256
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,560
Get a job. Yeah!
257
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,560
Earn money, legit vibes,
258
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,800
and then fuck off to Ireland
and hook up...
259
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,160
Do you remember Donal McGuinness?
The extortionist?
260
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,880
Not anymore,
he runs a guest house in Cork,
261
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:14,920
but he's looking for
a fucking sous chef. A-ha, hello.
262
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,200
And that's you, is it?
263
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,600
Erin, have you not seen me?
I'm a fucking whizz with the wok.
264
00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,040
When I was inside, everyone
used to call me 'Ronnie The Wok'.
265
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,120
Yeah, "Ronnie Wok Wok.
Ronnie go chop chop."
266
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,760
"Foo Young Croft,"
they used to call me.
267
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,240
"Char Sui Ronnie," big style, yeah.
268
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,640
I'm turning, I'm turning,
I'm turning over a new leaf.
269
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,720
There you go. Well done.
Thank you very much.
270
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,360
OK. Alright.
Well, you can't stay here.
271
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,480
What?
Right, one...
272
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,480
I've got a paying lodger.
- Shugs. - Yeah.
273
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:41,800
Two, I got an eight-year-old,
that doesn't need the bad influence
274
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,400
from his lazy, thieving uncle,
that's why.
275
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:49,120
So, who's got a fucking spare room
then?
276
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,400
Do I look like
a fucking halfway house
277
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:54,040
for the waifs and strays of society?
278
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,120
Bleeding heart liberals
chucking open their doors
279
00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:00,560
to every daft cunt with a sob story.
280
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,960
(WHIMPERS)
281
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,200
Oh, they had a bad upbringing.
282
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,480
Oh, they were molested
by their Uncle Philip.
283
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,720
Oh, they've got, um,
connection issues.
284
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,480
Fuck off!
285
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,520
They're selfish robbing twats,
286
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,080
never done a decent days work
in their lives.
287
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,920
And you can send as many
fucking theatre workshops
288
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,880
as you like into prisons,
289
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:27,960
they're not gonna come out
quoting Romeo and cunting Juliet.
290
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,520
Is that a yes, or a no?
291
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:31,800
Argh!
292
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:32,840
(THUMP)
293
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,040
(SLAP)
294
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,200
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
295
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:42,840
Go on!
296
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,440
(THUMP)
297
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,120
Christ.
298
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:53,000
I know how he feels.
299
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,680
That there, that's how life
is treating me at the moment.
300
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:57,840
Argh!
301
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,000
(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)
302
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,880
Shame.
Hm.
303
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,720
Hard luck there, Auntie Pat.
Hey, alright, young Ashley.
304
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,680
Where you been?
I didn't see you in the crowd.
305
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:19,080
Too busy hiding behind my hands.
306
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,560
(LAUGHS)
Good man.
307
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,760
Remind me.
I'm Vinnie.
308
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,400
I was that big
last time you seen me, Pat.
309
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,720
Tommo. I don't think we've met.
Ah, you look familiar.
310
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,000
Didn't you used to run
the Rat and Cutter.
311
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,240
Hey, hey, hey,
that is fake news, pal, that is.
312
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:38,200
I still run it. I'm the proprietor,
I'm the fucking visionary.
313
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,520
Yeah, last Christmas party,
314
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,120
didn't you play
one of the horny Elves?
315
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,200
(VINNIE CLEARS THROAT)
316
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:49,240
Is he alright?
Yeah. Yeah. Sensitive.
317
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,920
Here he is.
Brews up.
318
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,200
Thanks, Auntie. Thank you.
No problem.
319
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,440
Go on, get that down yer.
Nice one, mate.
320
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,120
Now then...
321
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,240
what are you all doing here then,
eh?
322
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,680
I am sensing
this isn't just a social visit.
323
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,200
It's not really, no.
324
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,640
I mean, fuck it, let's just come
straight out with it.
325
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,280
His mam is saying that Der...
326
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,960
Diarmuid.
Diarmuid is his real dad, right?
327
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,960
Same as his brothers,
but that can't be true, y'know?
328
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,680
So, we've come to you
to see what you know, man.
329
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:20,720
Why me?
330
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,040
You were always around
when we were growing up.
331
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,880
You know Mammy well.
332
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,880
You know she was no saint.
She liked the dick.
333
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,360
OK.
But don't well all, eh?
334
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,600
I'm not gay, but I'll suck a dick
every now and again.
335
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,720
And I like wearing dresses,
you know,
336
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,400
but I wouldn't want
my langer cutting off
337
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,400
like that sex change lot.
Mmm.
338
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:39,960
I knew this guy from the community
had surgery,
339
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,040
and when it finished
he asked for his... her balls back,
340
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:44,360
had them set in a paperweight.
341
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,440
I said, "Why did you get them
set in a paperweight?"
342
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,040
When does paper ever blow away?
Fair point.
343
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,840
She says she sometimes
works in the garden,
344
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,560
it can get windy, y'know, so I said,
345
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,880
"I'll build you a bigger fence,
make it a sun trap".
346
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,000
The thing with Dad...
347
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,240
She's got a beautiful garden.
God, you should see it.
348
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,440
She's got Campanula Muralis,
it's dead hard to grow.
349
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,240
Forms this dense mat of foliage...
Pat! Pat! Pat!
350
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,400
Sorry, Bredrin, I'm just gonna
stop you right there.
351
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:06,720
It sounds like a sick garden,
352
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,400
but you might be
a bit concussed, lad.
353
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,960
(FLINCHES)
I won't know for a while yet.
354
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,280
Listen, Pat...
355
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,600
..you are essentially
part of the family.
356
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:19,160
You were always drinking with Daddy,
or having a crack with Mammy.
357
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,960
Dancing around in the kitchen.
358
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,920
There was a couple of nights there
where you'd sleep over.
359
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,560
Do you see what I am saying?
Oh, son...
360
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,520
..I wish I could help.
361
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,560
I mean, I know she used to like
to have affairs,
362
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,440
her little comfort flings,
as she used to call them...
363
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:36,760
(GIGGLES)
364
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,840
..but who with, I don't know,
365
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,720
and which, if any,
is your real dad...
366
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,800
No bother.
Sorry about that.
367
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,800
Right. Gents, on that note,
I am having a slash.
368
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,040
Yeah, knock yourself out, horny elf.
369
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,440
Come on, you lot,
let's talk about something happier.
370
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,520
(SLOW, MELLOW MUSIC)
371
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,040
It's private. Put it back.
372
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,160
I'm telling you now,
there's summat in them photo albums
373
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,800
he doesn't want us to see.
Like what?
374
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,000
Like photos
of him and your mum together?
375
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:32,400
Or a photo of him as a young lad,
thirty years ago,
376
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,680
looking a bit like yourself.
377
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,320
Right, lads, we need to get
those photo albums.
378
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:37,480
(DOOR BANGS)
379
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,920
(BRAKES SCREECH, HANDBRAKE CRUNCHES)
380
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,720
Vin?
What?
381
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,000
What's going on
with you and that barmaid then, hey?
382
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,640
♪ Vinnie and Sammy sittin' in a tree
383
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,240
♪ K i s s...
Very mature.
384
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,040
Stuck on K, love?
(LAUGHS)
385
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,360
Listen, hey, I like her...
386
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,960
I'm terrified. Fuck's sake.
I am not used to girls liking me.
387
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,280
Last pair of knockers I saw
were big Sandy's,
388
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,560
and she had, she had rigor mortis.
It was still standing up.
389
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,000
Are you proper into her then?
Yeah, I am actually.
390
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,880
It's a worry though, man, y'know.
391
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,080
Oof, is that Pat? That is Pat.
392
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,640
Oi, come here. What have you to do?
Err... Follow him.
393
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,960
Make sure
he doesn't come back early.
394
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,720
Correct. And you follow him at what?
395
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,440
S-subtle distance.
Good lad!
396
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,760
Right, now listen to me.
397
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,360
He's probably going to the boozer,
so get yourself a pint.
398
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,760
Is that all?
Sod off!
399
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:34,800
Bye, Cardi.
400
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:37,440
Great (!)
401
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,280
Get your shit together.
402
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:45,400
Ashley, what do you think they'll do
if we get caught?
403
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:49,160
If any travellers do catch us,
they'll just cut off our toes.
404
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,720
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck, fuck.
405
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,240
Who goes there?
Shit!
406
00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,200
Is there someone back there?
Fuck!
407
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,480
(TOMMO MEOWS)
408
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,960
(MEOWS)
409
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,440
Fucking cats.
410
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,160
♪ Memory... ♪
411
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,560
He's fucked off. That worked.
412
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,040
Do you wanna hear my baby lamb?
413
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,840
No. Another time. Come on.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
414
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:29,000
(MUMBLING, CURSING)
415
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,120
I didn't know you were going there,
you fucking...
416
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,480
Shit, dude.
417
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,080
(THUD)
418
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,040
My fucking appendix, dude.
Jesus Christ!
419
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,480
(MUMBLES)
420
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,440
..fucking walnuts...
You been going to the gym?
421
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,680
Yep, you're feeling very lean
yourself.
422
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,280
We were worried about you for
a while there, weren't we, Tommo?
423
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,920
Shoes!
What?
424
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,040
We've just broke
through the fucking window, dude.
425
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,560
This is Auntie Pat's house.
Have a bit of respect. Shoes!
426
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,160
Christ, mate.
427
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,720
♪ MICHAEL KIWANUKA:
You Ain't The Problem ♪
428
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,000
Fuck it.
429
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,760
Well, blood and sand,
look at this, dude.
430
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,080
Hey, we've got something here, man.
431
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:21,520
Look at the state of that.
What is it?
432
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,680
It's Auntie Pat
having a smooch up with your mammy
433
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,880
and a selfie before selfies
were even fucking selfies.
434
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,560
Don't get carried away, right.
It's just a kiss.
435
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,240
You know, you kiss Cardi, don't you?
Friends kiss friends.
436
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,920
What I am saying is, all it is,
is it's, err, just a...
437
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,600
Doh...
OK, that's summat else...
438
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,960
They are my mammy's boobs
that you are looking at.
439
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,320
Not just the boobs, sweetheart.
440
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,240
Bloody hell,
it's like an angry badger.
441
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,200
I came out of that.
442
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,600
How, did you have a machete?
(CHUCKLES)
443
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:53,560
(SLURPS)
444
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,320
(GIGGLES)
445
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:01,000
(CHUCKLES)
Go on.
446
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:07,960
Fuck!
447
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,640
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
448
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,080
(QUIETLY)
Hello?
449
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:30,720
Oh! No, no,
it's not what it looks like...
450
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,880
There's flashlights in there, Pat.
451
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,520
Will I come in there with you?
Yeah, come in with me.
452
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,520
And will I bring my nunchucks?
453
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,960
You might as well
now they're in your hands.
454
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,240
Don't fucking move,
or I'll take your fucking heads!
455
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,440
Ashley.
Yer alright, Pat?
456
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,240
Argh, you bleedin' know them?
I do.
457
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,160
But I don't know why the fuck
they are in my fucking caravan.
458
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,280
Can we explain?
459
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,440
Fair play to them
for taking off their shoes. Respect.
460
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,440
I'm not proud of myself,
but, yeah, me and your mum we...
461
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,240
We had a thing.
What more can I tell yer?
462
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,040
Life happens.
463
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,560
But I can tell you this.
Hand on heart...
464
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,040
..I'm not your daddy.
465
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:22,720
How's that then?
466
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,720
I ain't got no seed.
467
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,280
I found out years ago
when I was with my Martha.
468
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,360
It's probably what tore us apart
in the end.
469
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,560
That and the dick sucking.
Mmm.
470
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:46,040
That's it then, isn't it?
I'm never gonna find out!
471
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,800
Shit, man.
Maybe it's for the best, y'know.
472
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,920
Maybe we ought to let
sleeping dogs lie on this one.
473
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,840
If it's any conciliation,
I don't see my parents either.
474
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,640
Mainly their decision, but, err...
(INHALES DEEPLY)
475
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,360
..I'm good with it.
476
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:03,200
Actually, there is one thing
you could try.
477
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,040
Yeah?
Yeah. Your brother Niall.
478
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,000
Yeah?
He knows all the family history.
479
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:08,240
We've tried Niall.
480
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,720
He punched me in my fucking lip
and Mick clipped my dick.
481
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,160
You know what he's like.
482
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,480
What you've got to do
is get him off his face.
483
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,560
Years ago we had this
Easter Egg hunt on the site
484
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,280
for all the kiddies, y'know.
We thought, let's jazz it up a bit,
485
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,160
make it a bit more interesting
for us lot,
486
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,760
so we had an Easter EGG-stacy hunt,
right?
487
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,680
Thousands of pills
all over the site.
488
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,960
Your brother Niall,
well, he found too many, didn't he.
489
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,760
The stories he was spewing out
of his mouth, oh, my, good days...
490
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,520
Fair enough,
so we need to slip him an E.
491
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:35,000
How the fuck...
Let's see.
492
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,120
If you could get him to an event,
y'know,
493
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,960
somewhere where
you could spike his drink.
494
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,760
S-sorry.
495
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,400
Sorry, guys. Sorry, I...
496
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,840
Cardi's wedding.
Yeah. Cardi's wedding. Yeah.
497
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,840
♪ When you feel so clean
498
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,760
♪ And the soap smells serene
499
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:12,200
♪ And you step right into a... ♪
500
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,720
What the fuck are you doing?
501
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,280
What the fuck does it look like,
Jim?
502
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,480
You're fucking...
pleasuring yourself.
503
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,760
And if you are, DON'T!
504
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,240
What, you think you can tell
Ronnie Croft what to do?
505
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,000
Look, if I want to wank, Jim,
506
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,760
I'll wank meself into oblivion,
mate.
507
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,520
I'll be like a fire hydrant
going off.
508
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:32,560
I'm two rooms away.
509
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,400
I don't like the idea
that you're in here,
510
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:38,320
whazzing yourself off
to fucking bukkake, or gonzo,
511
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:40,960
or whatever disgusting shit
that you're into.
512
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,840
Bukkake? Bukkake?
Don't play the innocent with me.
513
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,640
I've no idea, mate, like, none.
514
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,720
The woman's on her fucking knees...
Yeah?
515
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:50,200
..and two blokes are
jetting themselves off all over her.
516
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,840
(LAUGHING)
517
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,880
You seem to know
a fucking lot about it, son.
518
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,360
I'm a man of the fucking world.
519
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,040
I'm an Englishman,
with an Englishman's brain.
520
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,360
And an Englishman's...
Taste in porn, go on.
521
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:06,400
I am not standing here, in a towel,
in my spare room
522
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,680
discussing bukkake
with the likes of you.
523
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,440
I'm off to a wedding bash.
524
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,280
Woah-woah-woah!
Just fucking woah, Jimberee.
525
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:18,560
What wedding, which wedding bash?
Nosy shot the Crow.
526
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,520
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, fuck...
527
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,440
Come on!
528
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,960
(CHEERS)
529
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,360
♪ RAY CHARLES:
Hallelujah, I Love Her So ♪
530
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,320
♪ She's my baby
And she lives next door
531
00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:32,680
♪ Every morning
When the sun comes up
532
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,200
♪ She brings me coffee
In my favourite cup
533
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,080
♪ That's why I know, yes, I know
534
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:42,240
♪ Hallelujah, I just love her so
535
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,320
♪ When I'm in trouble
And I have no friend
536
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:48,800
♪ I know she'll go with me
Until the end
537
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,000
♪ Everybody ask me how I know...
Oh, fuck!
538
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,480
♪ I smile at them and say
"She told me so"
539
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,400
♪ That's why I know, oh, I know...
Well...
540
00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:00,800
Frosty the snowman
upstaging the bride.
541
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,680
You look amazing.
You too.
542
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,360
You scrub up really well, don't ya?
543
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,760
That's, fucking,
"scrub up really well?!"
544
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,120
Relax, Vin.
545
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:10,800
Cool.
546
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,600
We might get on, we might not.
547
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,760
We're just two people
who like the look of each other,
548
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:15,920
going to a party.
Uh-hm.
549
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,280
Come on, get me pissed.
550
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,160
He the best you can do?
Shit!
551
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:21,640
Mental weed dealer.
552
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,520
Samantha, this is Carl Slater.
553
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,160
He, uh, went to school with me,
didn't you, mate.
554
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,640
Detective Slater.
555
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,240
Carl Slater as in
'Carl Slater bums dogs'?
556
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,800
The very same. Yes.
557
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:39,160
Don't get too attached, Samantha,
he's going to prison soon.
558
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,320
And that's a promise, not a threat.
559
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:44,360
(TYRES SCREECH, CAR STALLS)
Oh...
560
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,960
Oh-ho-ho!
561
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,160
Oh, dear God!
(LAUGHS)
562
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:52,720
He's struggling.
563
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,200
Oh, dear...
Do you know what I mean?!
564
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:56,960
♪ BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS:
You've Made Me So Very Happy ♪
565
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,880
♪ You touched my very soul
566
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:02,680
♪ You always showed me that
567
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,240
♪ Loving you was where it's at
568
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,440
♪ You made me so
569
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,440
♪ Very happy
570
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,160
♪ I'm so glad you
571
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:19,960
♪ Came into my life... ♪
572
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,880
(DISCO MUSIC)
573
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,600
Now make sure Niall doesn't
take the wrong glass, alright?!
574
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,640
Ashley, do I look
like a fucking amateur?
575
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:32,120
I have been spiking peoples drink's
576
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:33,920
since I was in short trousers,
sweetheart.
577
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,160
Think on,
it's him with the special glass.
578
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,920
I'm just saying,
who collects your rubbish?
579
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:43,280
Who fixes your
fucking street lights?
580
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:47,800
You might not use the schools,
or like the fucking police
581
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:51,040
but that doesn't mean
you can't pay your taxes.
582
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:52,200
You get the fuck away from me
583
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:53,840
before I punch you
in your stupid mouth.
584
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,360
Ha! Violence you see!
585
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,360
They say it's a cliche,
586
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,480
but you fucking travellers
solve everything with...
587
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:03,520
Ah... Fuck!
588
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,760
Prick! Oh, thanks.
H-h-hey...
589
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,920
Fucking hell...
Your sister went and necked it.
590
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,200
What did I fucking say?
591
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,080
You better have more of that stuff,
Tommo.
592
00:28:13,120 --> 00:28:14,440
Ashley. Ashley, I have got more.
593
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,160
I have got enough
to sink a fucking camel.
594
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,360
The point is
I've wasted it on your sister.
595
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,400
Hi... I'm Erin.
596
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,280
Samantha.
Hi.
597
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,240
You Tyler's mum?
Yeah.
598
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:26,960
He's gorgeous.
599
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,680
And you run this place now,
don't you?
600
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,360
Yeah, yeah.
601
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,400
Well,
it's a means to an end, y'know.
602
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:34,840
Bigger plans and all that.
Yeah.
603
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,720
I thought it shut down,
how did you get it open so quickly?
604
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:42,400
Err... just sorted the license
and stuff, yeah, not a big deal.
605
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,120
Must cost a bit though,
running a club,
606
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:47,840
how do you afford it?
607
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:50,200
I got a bank loan.
608
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,280
(DISCO MUSIC)
Yeah!
609
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:55,280
Aw, for fuck sake... Excuse me.
610
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,240
Lads, Champagne.
611
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,800
Down the hatch
and let the good times roll.
612
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:04,040
Didn't you used to run this place?
I still do, you prick!
613
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:11,080
What the fuck are you doing here?
614
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,320
I'm a pleasure magnet, Erin.
What do you expect?
615
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,480
I am a party popper. 247 365.
616
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,280
Do you know what I'm like, actually?
A moth.
617
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,440
I'm like a fucking moth.
I'm drawn...(WHISTLES)
618
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,840
like a... What are they drawn too?
Flame.
619
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,280
A Flame? It's not a flame.
Is it a flame?
620
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:26,520
It is a flame.
Stupid pricks.
621
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:28,200
Do they not burn themselves
all the time?
622
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,200
No wonder they are like that?
Yes, often.
623
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,840
You're a moth aren't you, Ronnie.
Alright, you big dickhead?
624
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,480
Hiya, mate.
You listen to me now, right.
625
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:36,400
You do not
make a nuisance of yourself in here.
626
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,840
I am not gonna make a nuisance...
Ronnie, I'm being serious.
627
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,320
Yeah, I'm being deadly...
Is that a fucking fella in a dress?
628
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,000
Oi! Oi! Oi...
629
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,160
Knobhead.
You can say that again.
630
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:49,720
Knobhead.
631
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,200
(DANCE MUSIC)
632
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,360
(GROWLS, LAUGHS)
633
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,080
(CLEARS THROAT)
Sorry there, um...
634
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,000
I couldn't borrow him for a moment,
could I?
635
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,360
Yeah, be my guest,
need a pee anyway.
636
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,160
Showtime, Vin.
Huh?
637
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:13,480
Showtime.
Shit...
638
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:14,680
Where is he?
He's over there.
639
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,000
Oh, fucking hell. He's off his head.
What's the strength of the gear?
640
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:19,680
I had some last Christmas,
641
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:21,480
tried to get my trousers off
over my head.
642
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:23,760
Just give it a go, will you?
Oh, here, now...
643
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:26,400
Fucking hell. Shit, dude.
Hey up, Niall, big lad, oi.
644
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,640
Come out and have a spliff with me,
dude.
645
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,680
(LOUD KISS)
646
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,440
I'm twatted.
Alright.
647
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,040
So, fucking twatted.
Yes. Ouch!
648
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:37,480
Fuck!
649
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,640
Ah, Vinnie. Vinnie, come here to me.
650
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,680
I'm sorry I was a twat in the pub,
y'know.
651
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:55,320
It's OK.
Cardi told me what you said.
652
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:56,360
There's not a day goes by
653
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,360
you don't think about your mammy
walking out on you.
654
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:03,120
She'll be ashamed of herself
leaving you behind like that.
655
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,200
It's alright.
It was a long time ago, wasn't it?!
656
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,720
No. She hurt you so much.
657
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:11,760
She broke your heart,
and she broke my mammy's heart too.
658
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,200
Eh?
She loved him Vinnie.
659
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:17,360
I know she was married,
but, oh, God, she loved him.
660
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,880
Who did she love?
Tyrone.
661
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:22,920
Who's Tyrone?
Tyrone Carver.
662
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,960
He worked on the fairs.
He was a beautiful man.
663
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:27,600
He's the one that gave her Ashley.
664
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,560
Hang on, I don't understand.
How's...
665
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,480
How's my mum broke your mum's heart?
I don't get it?!
666
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,200
She stole him.
What?!
667
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,800
Your mammy stole Tyrone Carver
off my mammy.
668
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,560
And I, you know, your ma,
I know she had her bothers, Vinnie,
669
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,720
but she was beautiful
and fun and she turned his head.
670
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:46,840
My ma couldn't complain,
because she was married,
671
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,280
but, Jesus, Vinnie, she loved him.
672
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,640
My mum, my mum, yeah,
673
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:53,720
she ran off
with fucking Tyrone Carver?
674
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,800
And that's-that's Ashley's dad,
innit? Yeah?
675
00:31:56,840 --> 00:32:00,040
Where the fuck did they go?
On the road. With the fair.
676
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,760
And then word come back now
and again about them, rumours.
677
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,160
But then she got the word,
that he'd died. Heart attack.
678
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:06,760
What the fuck? What about me mum?
679
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,440
Oh, would... aye, she came back too.
680
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,520
She was working in a bar
up in Crossley Mere.
681
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,200
What do you mean,
fucking Crossley fucking Mere?
682
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:20,920
It's twenty fucking miles away.
Why have you never told me this?
683
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:21,960
Eh?
684
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:23,640
You were better off without her,
Vinnie.
685
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,440
You were,
even my mammy said the same thing.
686
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,920
What kind of woman would go away
and leave her child like that?
687
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,200
She broke you in half, Vin,
she'd only do the same again.
688
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,680
No. No. No. Shut up.
You fucking shut your mouth.
689
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:34,360
You don't understand.
690
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:38,240
I've been waiting for my mam to
come back for me and she never did.
691
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:40,360
And you've fucking known about it,
you have.
692
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,120
You've know and Mo knew.
693
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,080
You never said
a fucking thing to me.
694
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,760
Who else knew?
No one else.
695
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:50,560
Know one else knows. Just you lot.
You're fucking unreal. FUCK!
696
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,600
(SLOW, HAUNTING MUSIC)
697
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,840
Hey, where's Vinnie.
He left.
698
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,160
I think.
699
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:11,640
♪ LIZZO: Juice ♪
700
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,720
♪ Gotta blame it on the Goose
701
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,600
♪ Gotta blame it on my juice
Baby. ♪
702
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:17,680
Fucking hell. That's alright, innit!
(SNIFFS)
703
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:18,720
Right, can I just...
704
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:20,840
I'm just blown away by you
and this and all that,
705
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,040
your fucking open mindedness
and everything.
706
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:24,840
I've just got loadsa questions.
Can I go?
707
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:26,720
Yeah. Sure.
Quick fire, Ronnie style, yeah?
708
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:28,960
(SNIFFS)
Fuck me. Right. Are you ready?
709
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:30,760
Are you trans?
No.
710
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:32,160
Do you like men, or women?
Both.
711
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:33,920
Can I have some cocaine?
You've had some.
712
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:35,360
Are you happy?
Yeah.
713
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:36,480
Fucking wicked, man.
714
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:38,320
I am gonna sit down,
cos I can't feel my legs.
715
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,280
Know what I mean?
I'm so happy that you're happy.
716
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,400
That's what it's about.
It's about being out there.
717
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,120
I've opened my mind.
Do you wear knickers?
718
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:45,600
I do actually, yeah. Tell you what,
719
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,520
best thing I ever did
wearing women's clothes,
720
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,880
I would not change it for the world.
Funny thing is I just love the...
721
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,320
Safe. Safe.
722
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:55,720
Safe...
723
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:57,000
♪ That's how I roll
724
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,520
♪ If I'm shinin'
Everybody gonna shine... ♪
725
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:01,200
(MOBILE PHONE RINGS)
726
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:02,680
Oh, sorry.
727
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,280
Vinnie?
'Erin, I-I need...
728
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:09,800
'I need you to come to the shack.'
Why? What's happened? What's up?
729
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,400
I can't, cos I need to lock up
and take Tyler home.
730
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,720
Just, fuck...
Just come to the shack. I need yer.
731
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,200
'OK. Alright, I'm on my way.'
732
00:34:17,240 --> 00:34:20,080
Sugs. How pissed are you?
733
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,160
What?
How pissed are you?
734
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:23,200
Fairly.
735
00:34:23,240 --> 00:34:25,160
Right, do me a favour
and take Tyler home, yeah?!
736
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,320
Yeah.
Alright, thanks, mate. Thanks.
737
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,720
Tommo... lock up.
738
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,360
Did you see that?
739
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,080
Did you see
the way she speaks to me?
740
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:37,720
No. No. No. No. No.
741
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,720
I will be dragged
into the gates of Hades
742
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:41,120
before I do that wench's bidding.
743
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:43,480
Dido said it, right,
now I'm saying it,
744
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,160
"I will go down with this ship,
745
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,160
"I won't give myself up
and surrender."
746
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:49,560
Just lock the fucking club, Tom.
747
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,600
(SOFT, MELLOW MUSIC)
748
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,280
You've got to go.
749
00:35:00,720 --> 00:35:03,120
I can't.
Vin, it's twenty miles away.
750
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,040
You need to see
if she's still there.
751
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,240
Why though?
Because she's your mum.
752
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:10,480
She's a mum who walked out on me.
753
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,840
She left me with an alcoholic man
for some fucking bloke she met.
754
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:14,960
That's not a mum.
755
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,240
I know, but you said that
she did have mental health issues.
756
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,960
I just can't believe it.
757
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,040
I can't believe she's back.
758
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:26,640
Working in a bar
20 minutes up the fucking road.
759
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:29,200
I'll come with you.
760
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,920
Thanks, but, no, I can't.
Vin, she's Tyler's grandma.
761
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:39,360
Yeah, and she lost the right to that
the moment she fucked off.
762
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,280
She walked out on her son.
She doesn't care.
763
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:46,920
Fuck. I've just never been able
to understand it my whole life.
764
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,200
Why she left.
People do, Vin.
765
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,800
People with problems
leave everyday...
766
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:56,760
..because they're so unhappy,
767
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,960
or they think
everybody's better off without them.
768
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,960
Maybe she's scared.
769
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,880
Maybe she wanted to come back
and she wanted to see you,
770
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:10,480
but she was, y'know,
771
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:14,080
she was worried
that you might hate her, reject her.
772
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,160
Maybe-maybe it breaks her heart,
773
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,600
but she's had to parcel it away,
y'know.
774
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,040
Vin, you don't know.
775
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:28,640
This has been hanging over you
since you were seven years old.
776
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:30,360
It's made you into the person
that you are.
777
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,040
It's meant that
you've never left this town.
778
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,280
I just don't wanna hate her.
779
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,360
I like her like this.
780
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,360
A lady in a photograph.
781
00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,160
I'm not going.
You are.
782
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:08,760
Oh, fuck...
783
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,000
Oh, Jesus Christ, Cardi.
784
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,560
You're a fucking animal
with a scratcher.
785
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:15,240
Oh, fucking hell.
786
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,000
It's given me
the an awful horn though now, like.
787
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,800
What about we go for round two?
Yeah. No. D-definitely.
788
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:24,080
Can I just have t-t-two minutes
to reload?
789
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,600
Maybe we should watch
a bit of the old porn, you know,
790
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,680
get us back in the mood again.
Yeah, I've got the perfect thing.
791
00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:31,080
Ah.
Oh, yeah.
792
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:32,120
Ah.
Do you like that?
793
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,320
I do.
Enjoying that?
794
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:34,360
I am.
795
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,400
From one porn actor to another,
happy wedding, Carol.
796
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,560
We love you.
Oh, that's lovely.
797
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:44,000
Thanks.
798
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:45,960
Shall we crack on then?
- Go on. - Right.
799
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,280
♪ THE ONLY ONES:
The Whole Of the Law ♪
800
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:50,520
♪ ...have the notion
801
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:55,520
♪ I could swim
The length of the ocean
802
00:37:55,560 --> 00:38:01,400
♪ If I knew you were waiting for me
803
00:38:05,240 --> 00:38:10,400
♪ I used to have the notion... ♪
804
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:13,680
Right, so we've passed two pubs
and a grotty wine bar,
805
00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:16,400
if she is still working here,
odds are in our favour, aren't they.
806
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,400
What will I say to her?
807
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:23,720
This your mum?
Yeah.
808
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,320
You look like her.
Oh.
809
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,480
She's less bald.
Right.
810
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:34,640
I mean, to be fair,
that's a lady isn't it?! So...
811
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,200
My Auntie Jean's bald.
812
00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:38,800
Alopecia.
813
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:42,360
On VE Day
we drew a Union Jack on it.
814
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:43,840
I've got a photo somewhere.
815
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:46,640
Get it out(!)
816
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,840
No, sorry, not here.
She looks sort of familiar maybe,
817
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:53,920
but I don't really know her.
Alright, thanks anyway.
818
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,920
Alright, cocker.
Can I show you this photo here?
819
00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,560
I'm looking for a lady.
820
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:03,720
So, her name's Andrea and
she'll be a lot older than that now.
821
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,120
But I think she worked
behind the bar at some point.
822
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:07,600
You don't recognise her, do yer?
823
00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:12,360
There's, um,
there's a Cassandra, and a Maggie.
824
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:17,160
Hmm, do they look like this lady,
Cassandra or Maggie?
825
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:21,880
Not really.
OK, I'm sorry to have bothered you.
826
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:23,960
What can I get you?
827
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,720
Can we ask you
a quick question, please?
828
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,680
- Question?
- Yeah. What am I, Tourist Information?
829
00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:31,360
Buy a drink,
you can ask what you like.
830
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,160
Can we just have
two halves of lager then.
831
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,360
Halves, what are you, homosexual?
832
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,360
How does that make me a homosexual?
It's a known fact.
833
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,800
Just like they can't swim,
or shoot a firearm.
834
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,160
Can't play snooker,
they can't fix a moped,
835
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:46,160
they can't throw a frisbee...
Can't tame a unicorn!
836
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:47,640
They're fucking useless at it.
837
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,440
What a stupid fucking list,
you daft old bigot.
838
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,000
Get the fuck out.
I will do.
839
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:53,920
Alright. OK. We're going. Come on.
Hey, hey...
840
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,240
No, Vin...
Just-just let me...
841
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:57,680
I've just gotta ask him something.
I'm fucking fascinated.
842
00:39:57,720 --> 00:40:00,320
I'll never understand it.
How does it affect yer?
843
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:03,520
One man sucking another man's dick?
Sucking another man's dick?
844
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:06,160
I'll suck your dick!
I'll bite the bastard thing off.
845
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:07,200
Pfft!
846
00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:10,920
What a bizarre thing to say given
the conversation we've just had.
847
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,960
Show your face around here again
and I'll shove this up your arse!
848
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,120
And not in a good way.
849
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:21,400
There you go.
850
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,600
I've ordered us a bacon butty
as well.
851
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,160
Something to cheer us up.
852
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:30,760
Maybe she wasn't here long,
853
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,360
maybe she came back
then she moved away again.
854
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:36,360
Yeah, maybe.
855
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:40,840
We can keep looking for her.
Go from shop to shop. Ask everyone.
856
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,520
It dun't matter. Honestly.
857
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:50,880
Nothing'll ever hurt
as bad as when she left.
858
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,520
I had to protect myself. And I have.
859
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,200
I know.
I was just...
860
00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:00,320
Fuck. I'm a dad, now. Grown ass man.
861
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:03,040
I have Tyler.
862
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,280
If he got hurt,
or I couldn't help...
863
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,600
..or if I could never
see him again...
864
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,840
..I think it'd probably
break me in half.
865
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:16,240
(SIGHS)
866
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,320
That's a lot of pressure that, Vin.
867
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,000
You know, of course
I don't wanna hurt you...
868
00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:27,360
..but I can't promise
we're gonna be around forever.
869
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,080
You know the way I feel about you.
870
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:32,960
What about Samantha?
871
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,040
That thing
you whispered in my ear...
872
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,200
..before they put me in jail...
873
00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:40,440
Number 12. You want sauce with them?
874
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,160
Oh, fuck.
Shit.
875
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,640
What?
876
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:46,120
Mum?
Andrea?
877
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:47,160
Yeah.
878
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:51,240
It's Vin. It's Vinnie.
879
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:54,760
Red, or brown.
880
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,800
No. No. No.
That's your son, that's Vinnie.
881
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,520
We've come looking for you.
882
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:03,440
There's free refills on the coffee.
883
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:07,800
Just stop a sec...
I-I-I did as I was told.
884
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,440
I stayed, but you didn't come back.
885
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,400
You've grown, haven't you.
886
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:16,440
Good looking.
887
00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:22,640
I'll get the sauces.
Mum?
888
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,880
Vin, just give her a minute.
She's overwhelmed.
889
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,200
My heart's
beating out of my chest here.
890
00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:31,880
Can you ask that lady to come back?
Please.
891
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,560
Can I just nip through?
It's private, mate.
892
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,040
I know, I'm really sorry.
893
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,200
Mum! Mum!
894
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:44,240
I stayed where you told me to stay.
895
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,360
I have a little boy.
896
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,400
He's called Tyler.
897
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,480
(SOFT, SOMBRE MUSIC)
898
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,360
You alright, mate?
Yeah.
899
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:14,680
Does she have a family?
900
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:18,280
Husband. Step kid.
901
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:19,360
(SIGHS)
902
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:23,080
Is she happy?
903
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:25,640
(EXHALES)
904
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,880
Hard to tell. She...
905
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,360
does her work and goes home.
906
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,800
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
907
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:40,160
I'm sorry.
908
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:45,080
(CAFE RADIO PLAYS)
909
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:49,440
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
910
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:53,400
Did you speak to her?
911
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:55,360
Hm...
Yeah?
912
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,240
Where is she?
913
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,160
She's gone.
914
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:02,680
Where?
915
00:44:02,720 --> 00:44:04,920
She just walked away.
916
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,640
That's twice now.
917
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,200
She's just a lady.
918
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,440
I'm so sorry, Vin.
919
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:25,680
It's OK.
920
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:31,040
Let's go home.
921
00:44:33,720 --> 00:44:37,120
♪ FATHER JOHN MISTY:
One Of Us Cannot Be Wrong ♪
922
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:53,120
Alright, Vinnie.
Hey up, Pat.
923
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,760
Fancy a brew, lads?
Go on.
924
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:58,480
Lovely.
Thank you, Aunty.
925
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,800
I am sorry
you never got to meet him.
926
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,240
Your real dad.
927
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,960
At least now I know.
At least now I've got a name.
928
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,160
She did love him...
929
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:20,680
..y'know?
930
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,720
You'd have been
born out of love there.
931
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,840
And some great fucking sex
apparently.
932
00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:33,320
(LAUGH)
Ah...
933
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:39,000
♪ EELS: It's A Motherfucker ♪
934
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,040
Does this make us brothers?
935
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:50,720
Yeah.
936
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:54,800
Sure it does, mate.
937
00:45:56,400 --> 00:46:01,280
♪ And I won't ever be the same
938
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:09,320
♪ It's a motherfucker
939
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:11,800
♪ Getting through a Sunday
940
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:17,280
♪ Talking to the walls
Just me again
941
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:22,280
♪ But I won't ever be...
(CHEERS)
942
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,200
Three Eyed Pete's barge
here we come!
943
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:27,080
I'm sorry.
Don't be silly.
944
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:33,280
♪ I won't ever be the same. ♪
945
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,640
You alright, man?
Yeah.
946
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:40,640
Christ, they're funny, aren't they.
947
00:46:42,560 --> 00:46:44,480
Y'know, what's a bloody family
anyway?
948
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:47,200
It's just a name
you call all the people around you.
949
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,480
This is my family here.
950
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:53,680
You.
951
00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:55,480
That little lad.
952
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:57,360
You're the ones that cheer me up
when I'm sad.
953
00:46:57,400 --> 00:47:00,520
You're the ones who put a smile
on my face when I feel like shit.
954
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:01,560
Y'know?
955
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:05,600
And fuck, man, the rest is just...
It's just the past.
956
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:07,160
Daddy.
957
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,520
Uncle Daddy, grr, and Uncle Dylan.
958
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:12,840
Give him a smooch. Oh!
959
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:14,560
Give me a smooch. Oh!
960
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,280
Have a great time!
961
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:19,360
Fuck his brains out.
962
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:20,920
Shouldn't take too long.
(LAUGHTER)
963
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:27,680
(MELLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
964
00:47:45,240 --> 00:47:48,320
As you can see,
the safe is no longer here.
965
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:51,360
He said, "You do that,
otherwise I'll hurt your sister."
966
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:52,760
Argh!
Who?
967
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:53,800
Keithy.
968
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:56,520
(SCREAMING)
969
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:59,040
(BRAKES SCREECH)
970
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:00,600
He's dead as a fuckin doornail.
971
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:03,680
He's over near the b-big tree.
972
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:06,360
(SCREAMS)
973
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,880
The police could be banging
on that fucking door any second.
974
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:10,480
(KNOCK, SCREAMS)
975
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:17,680
AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk
976
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