All language subtitles for 3IdiotsEnSub2009BD720p_SharePirate

Hello.

Yes?

What?

Sir, kindly switch off your mobile phone.

Just one sec, please.

Excuse me.

Sir, please sit down.

Captain, there's a medical emergency.

A passenger has just
fallen down in the aisle

Delhi, Air India 101 returning
due to medical emergency.

Excuse me, sir.

Hold on!

I'm fine now, thanks. Carry on, please.

Wait.

- Get the car!
- Mr. Dhillon?

Want the name tattooed? Get the car.

To the hotel, sir?

Yes, yes, but via Vasant Vihar.

Step on the gas, dude!

Yeah, Farhan?

Get ready. I'll pick you
up in five minutes.

What happened?

Chatur called. Remember him?

The 'Silencer'?

Yeah.

He said Rancho is coming.

What?

He said.
Come to the campus at 8. On the tank.

Oh shucks!

Hurry!

Ok.

Honey, I'll be back soon. Oh, shoes.

We found our buddy.

What?

Tell me later - bye.

You forgot your pants.

Now to the hotel, sir?

Yes, but via Imperial
College of Engineering.

Ok sir.

Forgot my socks.

More than just your socks.

Your pants.

Oh no.

Now get my brother from the airport.

Same last name - Dhillon.

This is Dhilion. Where's my cab?
On the runway?

Hey Rancho.

Hey Chatur, where's Rancho?

Rancho.

Where's Rancho?

Welcome, idiots.

Some 'madeira' for you?

The same rum you guzzled those days.

Have a drink.

Where is Rancho?

Patience. First look at this.

Don't eye my wife. Check out
the mansion behind, idiots

$ 3.5 million.

Swimming pool - heated!

Living room - maple wood flooring.

My new Lambhorghini 6496 cc -

very fast.

Why're you showing us all this?

Forgot?

What's this?

'5th September'. Today's date

I challenge you.

We'll meet again after ten years.

Same day. Same place.

We'll see who's more successful.

Have the balls? C'mon, bet!

Remember? I'd challenged
that idiot right here

I kept my promise. I'm back.

Jackass! I aborted a flight,
he forgot his pants

all to meet Rancho

5 years we've searched.
Don't know if he's alive

and you think he'll show
up for your silly bet

I know he won't show up.

You gonna break his jaw or should I.

So why'd you call us here?

To meet Rancho.

Come and see where I've
reached and where he rots.

So you know where Rancho is?

Yes.

Where?

He is in Shimla.

Free as the wind was he.

Like a soaring kite was he.

Where did he go... let's find him.

Free as the wind was he.

Like a soaring kite was he.

Where did he go... let's find him.

We were led by the path we took.

While he carved a path of his own.

Stumbling, rising, carefree walked he.

We fretted about the morrow.

He simply reveled in today.

Living each moment to the fullest.

Where did he come from...

He who touched our hearts and vanished...

Where did he go... let's find him.

In scorching Sun, he was
like a patch of shade...

In an endless desert, like an oasis...

On a bruised heart, like
soothing balm was he.

Afraid, we stayed confined in the well.

Fearless, he frolicked in the river.

Never hesitating to swim against the tide.

He wandered lonesome as a cloud.

Yet he was our dearest friend.

Where did he go... let's find him.

Rancho.

Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad.

He was as unique as his name.

From birth we were taught - Life is a race.

Run fast or you'll be trampled.

Even to be born, one had
to race 300 million sperms

1978. I was born at 5.15 pm.

At 5.16, my father announced.

My son will be an engineer.
Farhan Qureshi. B.Tech. Engineer.

And my fate was sealed.

What I wanted to be... no one asked.

Raju Rastogi... Ranchhoddas Chanchad.

Room number?

D-26

C'mon

I'm Man Mohan. MM.

These engineers call me Millimeter.

For eggs, bread, milk, laundry

finishing journals, copying assignments

I'm your guy. Fixed rates. No bargaining.

Hey wait, hold this.

Meet Kilobyte, Megabyte
and their mother Gigabyte.

Go ahead, click - this family doesn't bite.

Check him out... another God-fearing soul.

Hi. Farhan Qureshi - I'm Raju Rastogi.

Don't worry

a few days here and he'll
lose faith in God.

Then naked babes will be on
the wall, and he'll say -

Oh God, give me one chance with her.

Get out of here.

Four bucks. Two per bag.

Here's five. Keep the change.

Thanks boss. For your tip,
here's one in return -

Wear your best underwear tonight.

Why?

Your Majesty, thou art great.

Accept this humble offering.

Ha... here's a He-Man.

What a pretty piece. Cute and compact.

A campus tradition - On Day 1...

Freshmen must pay their respects to Seniors

in their underwear.

This is when we first saw Rancho.

Spiderman

Batman.

Fresh meat.

Greetings. Drop your pants, get stamped.

Name?

'Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad'

What a mouthful! Needs serious cramming.

Come on - pants off.

Being stubborn?

Wet pants not good, kiddo. Take them off.

Aal izz well - What's that?

Aal izz Well.

What did he say?

Someone tell him. Hey James Bond.

Make him understand.

Take off your pants or they
are going to piss on you.

Hey 007! Ashamed to speak Hindi?

Sorry sir, I was born in
Uganda, studied in Pondicherry

so little slow in Hindi.

So explain slowly. No hurry.

Feeling cold?

Pray undress

or he'll do 'urine-expulsion' on you.

Calls pissing 'urine-expulsion'!

A true linguist in the land of engineers!

Hey, come out of there.

Come out or...

or I'll do 'urine-expulsion' on your door.

If you aren't out by the count of ten

I'll do 'urine-expulsion'
on your door all semester.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

Salt water is a great
conductor of electricity.

8th Grade Physics.

We had studied it. He applied it.

Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe
was the Director of ICE.

Students called him Virus, computer Virus.

Virus on the way, with eggs.

Freshmen are summoned. Come quickly.

Virus was the most competitive
man we had ever seen.

He couldn't bear anyone
getting ahead of him.

To save time, his shirts had Velcro

and his ties had hooks.

He'd trained his mind to write
with both hands simultaneously.

Everyday at 2 pm he took
a 71/2 minute power nap

with an opera as lullaby.

Govind, his valet, had instructions

to carry out all unproductive tasks
such as shaving, nail-cutting etc.

- What is this?
- Sir, nest.

- Whose?
- A koel bird's nest, sir.

Wrong.

A koel bird never makes her own nest.

She lays her eggs in other nests.

And when they hatch, what do they do?

They push the other eggs out of the nest.

Competition over.

Their life begins with murder.
That's nature.

Compete or die.

You also are like the koel birds.

And these are the eggs you
smashed to get into ICE.

Don't forget, ICE gets
400,000 applications a year

and only 200 are selected - You!

And these? Finished. Broken eggs.

My son... he tried for three years.

Rejected. Every time.

Remember, life is a race.

If you don't run fast, you'll get trampled.

Let me tell you a very interesting story.

This is an astronaut pen.

Fountain pens and ballpoint
pens don't work in outer space.

So scientists spent
millions to invent this pen.

It can write at any angle, in any
temperature, in zero gravity.

One day, when I was a student

the Director of our institute called me.

He said, 'Viru Sahastrabuddhe.'
I said, 'Yes sir'

'Come here!' I got scared.

He showed me this pen.

He said, 'This is a symbol of excellence'

'I give it to you'

'When you come across an
extraordinary student like yourself

pass it onto him'

For 32 years, I've been
waiting for that student.

But no luck.

Anyone here, who'll strive to win this pen?

Good. Put your hands down.

Shall I post it on the notice board?
Hands down.

One question, sir.

Sir, if pens didn't work in outer space

why didn't the astronauts use a pencil?

They'd have saved millions

I will get back to you on this.

He zaps a Senior's privates at night

fingers the Director in the day.
Best avoid him.

You deflated Virus's erection.

Your Majesty, thou art great.
Accept this humble offering.

Buzz off. You don't have school?

Who'll pay for it? Your pop?

- Keep off my dad!
- Relax.

For school you don't need
tuition money, just a uniform.

Pick a school, buy the
uniform, slip into class.

In that sea of kids, no one will notice.

If I get caught?
Then new uniform, new school.

- See that?
- He was different...

He challenged conventions at every stage.

A free-spirited bird had
landed in Virus's nest.

We were robots, blindly following
our professors' commands.

He was the only one who was not a machine.

What is a machine?

Why're you smiling?

Sir, to study Engineering
was a childhood dream

I'm so happy to be here finally.

No need to be so happy. Define a machine.

A machine is anything
that reduces human effort.

Will you please elaborate?

Anything that simplifies work,
or saves time, is a machine.

It's a warm day, press a
button, get a blast of air.

The fan... A machine!

Speak to a friend miles away.
The telephone... A machine!

Compute millions in seconds.
The calculator... A machine!

We're surrounded by machines.

From a pen's nib to a
pants' zip - all machines.

Up and down in a second.
Up, down, up, down...

What is the definition?

I just gave it to you, sir.

You'll write this in the exam?
This is a machine - up, down...

Idiot! Anybody else?

Yes?

Sir, machines are any combination
of bodies so connected

that their relative motions are constrained

and by which means, force and
motion may be transmitted

and modified as a screw and
its nut, or a lever arranged

to turn about a fulcrum or a
pulley about its pivot, etc

especially, a construction,
more or less complex

consisting of a combination
of moving parts, or

simple mechanical elements,
as wheels, levers, cams etc.

Wonderful.

Perfect. Please sit down.

Thank you.

But sir, I said the same
thing, in simple language.

If you prefer simple language,
join an Arts and Commerce college.

But sir, one must get the meaning too.

What's the point of blindly
cramming a bookish definition.

You think you're smarter than the book?

Write the textbook definition,
mister, if you want to pass.

- But there are other books...
- Get out!

Why?

In simple language - Out!

Idiot!

So, we were discussing the machine...

Why're you back?

I forgot something.

What?

Instruments that record,
analyze, summarize, organize

debate and explain information; That
are illustrated, non-illustrated

hard-bound, paperback,
jacketed, non jacketed

with foreword, introduction,
table-of-contents, index

that are intended for the
enlightenment, understanding

enrichment, enhancement and
education of the human brain

through the sensory route
of vision, sometimes touch.

What do you mean?

Books, sir

I forgot my books. May I?

Couldn't you ask simply?

I tried earlier, sir.
It simply didn't work.

Professors kept Rancho mostly out...
seldom in.

When thrown out of one class,
he'd slip into another.

He said. First year or fourth year,
it's knowledge. Just grab it.

He was unlike any of us.

We fought for a shower every morning.

He'd bathe wherever he found water.

Morning, sir.

Machines were his passion.

When he spotted them, he opened them.

Some he could re-assemble...

some he couldn't.

There was another, just like him.

Joy Lobo.

Sir. Excuse me, sir.

Mr. Joy Lobo!

Sir, if I could know the
convocation dates...

Why?

Dad wants to make train reservations

I'm the first engineer from my village.
Everyone wants to attend.

In that case, call your dad.

Please hurry up. Don't waste my time.

Hello.

Dad, the Director wants to speak to you.

Joy!

Mr. Lobo, your son won't
graduate this year.

What happened, sir?

He has violated all deadlines.

Mr. Lobo, it's an unrealistic project.

He is making some nonsense helicopter

I suggest you don't book your tickets.
I'm so sorry.

Sir, I am this close, sir.
Is your project ready?

Is your project ready?
Sir, see it once, please.

Submit it, and we'll consider.

Sir, a small extension...
Why, why should I?

After dad's stroke, I
couldn't focus for two months.

Did you stop eating?

No.

Stopped bathing?

So why stop studying?

Sir, I'm very close. See it once, please...

Mr. Lobo!

Sunday afternoon, my son
fell off a train and died

Monday morning, I taught a class.
So don't give me that nonsense

I can give you sympathy, not an extension.

Sir... I'm very close...

Lifelong I lived.

The life of another.

For just one moment.

Let me live as I...

Lifelong I lived.

The life of another.

For just one moment.

Let me live as I...

Give me some sunshine Give me some rain.

Give me another chance I
wanna grow up once again.

Give me some sunshine Give me some rain.

Give me another chance I
wanna grow up once again.

Dude's come up with an amazing design.

A wireless camera atop a helicopter.

Can be used for traffic
updates, security... Wow!

But Virus said it's an
impractical design, it won't fly.

It will fly! We'll make it fly.

Don't tell Joy. It'll be a surprise.

We'll fly it up to his window
and capture his reaction.

If we work on his project,
who'll work on ours?

Tests, vivas, quizzes.
42 exams per semester.

You scare easily, bro.

Take your hand, put it over your
heart, and say, 'Aal izz well'

- All is well?
- Aal izz well.

Words of wisdom from His
Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas.

We had an old watchman in our village.

On night patrol, he'd
call out, 'Aal izz well'

And we slept peacefully.
Then there was a theft

and we learned that he
couldn't see at night!

He'd just yell 'Aal izz
well', and we felt secure.

That day I understood
this heart scares easily.

You have to trick it.

However big the problem, tell
your heart, 'All is well, pal'

That resolves the problem?

No. But you gain courage to face it.

Learn it up, bro. We're
gonna really need it here.

When life spins out of control
Just let your lips roll.

Let your lips roll And
whistle away the toll.

When life spins out of control
Just let your lips roll.

Just let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll.

Yell - All is Well...

The chicken's clueless
about the egg's fate.

Will it hatch or become an omelette.

No one knows what the future holds.

So let your lips roll And
whistle away the toll.

Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well.

Hey bro - All is Well.

Hey mate - All is Well.

Hey bro - All is Well.

Confusion and more confusion
No sign of any solution.

Ah... finally a solution But wait...
what was the question?

If the timid heart with
fear is about to die.

Then con it bro, with this simple lie.

Heart's an idiot, it will
fall under that spell.

Let your lips roll And
whistle away the toll.

Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well.

Hey bro - All is Well.

Hey mate - All is Well.

Hey bro - All is Well.

Blew the scholarship on booze But
that did not dispel my blues.

Holy incense lit up my plight
And yet God's nowhere in sight.

The lamb is clueless for
what it's destined.

Will it be served on
skewers or simply minced.

No one knows what the future holds.

So let your lips roll And
whistle away the toll.

Whistle away the toll Yell - All is Well.

Hey bro - All is Well.

Hey mate - All is Well.

Hey bro - All is Well.

When life spins out of control
Just let your lips roll.

Just let your lips roll
And whistle away the toll.

All is Well.

The chicken's clueless
about the egg's fate.

Will it hatch or become an omelette.

No one knows what the future holds.

So let your lips roll And
whistle away the toll.

Whistle away the toll

Eureka! Eureka!

Yell - All is Well.

Hey Mrs. Chicken - All is Well.

Hey Mr. Lamb - All is Well.

Hey bro - All is Well.

Hey, take it up to Joy's window.

Take it higher.

Look at Silencer - the nude dude!

Joy, come out.

Come to the window.

Joy, look outside.

Good news, sir.

The police and Joy's father have no clue.

Everyone thinks this is suicide.

The post mortem report -

Cause of Death: Intense
pressure on windpipe

resulting in choking.

All think the pressure on
the jugular killed him.

What about the mental pressure
for the last four years?

That's missing in the report.

Engineers are a clever bunch.

They haven't made a machine
to measure mental pressure.

If they had, all would know...

this isn't suicide... it's murder.

How dare you blame me for Joy's suicide?

If one student can't handle
pressure, is it our fault?

Life is full of pressures.
Will you always blame others?

I don't blame you, sir. I blame the system.

Look at these statistics.
India ranks No.1 in suicides.

Every 90 minutes, a
student attempts suicide.

Suicide is a bigger killer than disease.

Something's terribly wrong, sir

I can't speak for the rest

but this is one of the finest
colleges in the country

I've run this place for 32 years.

We were ranked 28th. Now we're No.1.

What's the point, sir?

Here they don't discuss
new ideas or inventions.

They discuss grades, jobs,
settling in the USA.

They teach how to get good scores.
They don't teach Engineering.

Now you will teach me how to teach?

No sir, I...

Sir, my paper...

Vaidyanathan, please sit down.

Here is a self-proclaimed professor

who thinks he is better than
our highly qualified teachers

Professor Ranchhoddas Chanchad
will teach us Engineering.

We do not have all day.

You have 30 seconds to define these terms.

You may refer to your books.

Raise your hand if you get the answer.

Let's see who comes first, who comes last.

Your time starts... now.

Time up.

Time up, sir.

No one got the answer?

Now rewind your life by a minute.

When I asked this question,
were you excited? Curious?

Thrilled that you'd learn something new?

Anyone?... Sir?

No. You all got into a frantic race.

What's the use of such methods,
even if you come first.

Will your knowledge increase?
No, just the pressure.

This is a college, not a pressure cooker.

Even a circus lion learns to sit
on a chair in fear of the whip.

But you call such a lion 'well
trained', not 'well educated'

Hello!

This is not a philosophy class.
Just explain those two words.

Sir, these words don't exist.

These are my friends' names.
Farhan and Raju.

Quiet!

Nonsense! Is this how
you'll teach Engineering?

Sir, I wasn't teaching you Engineering.

You're an expert at that

I was teaching you... how to teach.

And I'm sure one day you'll learn

because unlike you, I never
abandon my weak students.

Bye, sir.

Quiet!

Quiet, I said

I regret to inform you that your son...

Farhan... Raju...

has fallen into bad company.

Without urgent corrective steps,
his future will be ruined.

Virus's letters dropped on
our homes like atom bombs

Hiroshima and Nagasaki plunged into gloom.

Our parents invited us.
For a dressing down.

Come in.

See that?

We could afford just one air-conditioner.

We put it in Farhan's room,
so he could study in comfort

I didn't buy a car. I
manage with a scooter.

We put all our money
into Farhan's education.

We sacrificed our comforts for
Farhan's future. Understand?

You took these pictures, Farhan?

He had that useless obsession for a while.

Went around taking pictures of animals.

Wanted to be a wildlife photographer.

Son, what was your score that year?

91%

Hear that? Straight drop from 94% to 91%.

You find it funny?

No sir, sorry. I'm just
amazed at the photos.

Why make him an engineer... Why
not a wildlife photographer?

Enough!

I humbly request you.
Don't ruin my son's future.

Food's on the table, boys. C'mon.

If you ever visit again, do eat with us.

Dad denied us a meal...

So, to fill our bellies with food...

and ears with more reprimands,
we reached Raju's house.

Raju's house was straight out
of a 50's black and white film.

A small, dingy room...

a paralyzed father...

a coughing mother...

and an unwed sister.

A sofa sprouting springs...

a 24 hour water supply -
from the leaking roof.

Mother was a retired school
teacher and a tireless complainer.

Father was once a postmaster.

Paralysis shut down his body partly...

his salary completely. And the sister...

Kammo's turned 28. They
demand a car in dowry.

If you don't study and
earn, how will she marry?

Some okra?

Okra is now 12/- per kilo,
cauliflower is 10/-

It's daylight robbery!

What will we eat if we get
warnings from your college?

Mom!

Cottage cheese?

Cottage cheese should be sold at
the jewelers, in velvet pouches.

- Cottage cheese?
- No, no, it's ok.

Mom, please.

Alright, I'll shut up.

Earn for the family, slave like a maid

and then take the vow of silence.

If not with my son, with whom do
I share my woes - his friends?

Hey Raju.

We were in a huge dilemma.

Do we comfort our friend
or console his mom?

Screw it, we thought, let's
focus on the cottage cheese.

Even his eczema cream costs 55/- now.

Another roti?

No, thank you. We're through.

Okra for 12/- - Cauliflower for 10/-

At least you were offered a meal.

Unilke your sadistic dad...
'Hitler' Qureshi!

And your mom is Mother Teresa...
Feeding us 'eczema roti'!

Don't poke fun at my mom!
Enough, you guys

I'm famished. Let's eat out.

It's month end. Who'll pay?
His Mother Teresa?

To eat out, you don't need money.
Just a uniform. Look...

C'mon - Come.

Good evening, good evening.

Oh, Uncle.

- Three large vodkas.
- Half soda, half water.

If we're caught, we're dead.

- What's for starters?
- Get double portions.

Leave this here and start some peppy music.

Pia, what the hell!

Why're you wearing this
ancient piece of junk?

What'll people say - My fiancee...

a doctor in the making,
wearing a cheap, 200/- watch!

Please take it off. Thank you.

Hi handsome.

Hey Aunty. You're looking good.

Don't miss my set, darilng - Rubies?

From Mandalay - Mandalay... Wow!

Hey, let's go meet David - Of course.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Flowers.

- May I take the glass?
- Why?

So you don't break it on my head.

Why would I do that?

For the free advice I'll now impart.

What?

Don't marry that ass.

Excuse me?

He's not a human, he's a price tag.

He'll turn your life into a
nightmare of brands and prices.

He'll ruin your life. Your
future will be finished.

Want a demonstration?

Shall I find out the price of his shoes?

I won't ask. He'll announce it himself.

What the hell... Mint
sauce on my $300 shoes!

Run for your life! It's free advice.
Take it or leave it.

Genuine Italian leather - hand-stitched!

Dad, are they your guests?

My students. What're they doing here?

Hold on, Dad.

These beans smell great.

No room for roti - Just pile it on.

Hi - Hey.

That was an eye-opener. Thank you so much.

It was my moral responsibility.

Can I ask you for little more help?

Dad won't let me break off this engagement.

You explain so well. Can
you give him a demo too?

Certainly. Raju, the mint sauce.

You're really sweet.

- Where is your daddy?
- Right behind you.

Aal izz well.

Run for your life! It's free advice.
Take it or leave it.

What're you doing here?

We'll hand these gifts to the couple

I'll do that for you.
It's my sister's wedding.

Sister?

Sir, what's the sum total
of your daughters?

Empty. No gift cheques.

Forgot the cheques, Raju... Farhan?

We didn't invite you, you
must be from the groom's side.

No sir, we're here as the
emissaries of science.

How? Can you explain?

Dad, he explains superbly. I'm
sure he'll give us a demo.

Won't you?

Well, Delhi has plenty
of power cuts that...

disrupt wedding celebrations.

So I thought of making an inverter that...

draws power from guests' cars

I see.

Wow.

So where's the inverter?

Sir, the design is ready.

Where's the design, Farhan?

I gave you the design - I gave it to Raju.

Raju, design?

Never mind the design. I'll
make the inverter and show you.

You can only invent
stories, not an inverter

I'll make one, I promise.

And I'll name it after you.
After all, it was invented...

at your daughter's wedding.
So it'll be an honor...

Farhan, Raju. I'll see you
in my office tomorrow.

Sir, what was the cost per plate?
We'll reimburse you

in installments.

We'll never crash a wedding again.
Not even my own.

In fact, I won't even marry. Nor will he.

Uh... right. No marriage.

Your parents shouldn't have married either.

The world would have to
feed two less idiots.

Sit!

Pay attention.

This is Ranchhoddas's
father's monthly income.

Couple of zeroes less, and
it's still a sizeable income.

But erase another zero, and
I would worry a little.

Isn't that your fathers income, Farhan?

Yes, sir.

Now take away another zero...

and that's your family
income, Raju Rastogi.

Big reason to worry.

Take my advice and shift into
Chatur Ramalingam's room.

Exams are here. Stay with
Rancho and you're sure to fail.

- Want a shave?
- No, sir.

Then get lost!

Raju, don't worry. This is Virus's
move to split us. Divide and rule

I have to worry.

He grades us, and I need
good grades for a good job.

Unilke you, I don't have a
rich dad I can live off.

Shut up, Raju.

Must we follow all his hogwash?
'Aal izz well'

I won't be his flunky... ilke you.

You're crossing the line.
No, I'm drawing one

I have a family to support.

Dad's medicines swallow up mom's pension.

My sis can't marry because
they want a car in dowry.

Mom hasn't bought a single
saree in five years.

Now don't get your mom's
wardrobe into the debate.

By the way, how many sarees
per annum is reasonable?

Hey... no wisecracks about mom.

We'll study with all our
heart, but not just for grades.

To quote a Wise One.
Study to be accompilshed, not affluent.

Follow excellence. And success
will chase you, pants down!

Which Wise One says this? His
Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas?

Go rot in the bogs!

Raju, don't stress. We'll top our class.
Nothing is impossible.

Oh yeah?

Shove this back into the tube.

Raju got onto another train.

His travails with Chatur began.
Yes, I mean travails, not travels.

Chatur was called 'Silencer'

To sharpen his memory, he
popped pills from a local quack.

And then let off silent... but lethal farts

I didn't do it... Raju?

He always blamed others for the output.

Silencer crammed 18 hours a day.

On exam eve, he would distract others.

His belief.
There are only two ways of topping.

Elevate your own grades or
shrink your opponents' grades.

Rancho decided to subdue
Silencer and rescue Raju...

with one master plan.

Our Director has unceasingly served...
'Served' means...

Damn the meaning, I'll memorize it.

Chatur was the introductory speaker
at the Teachers' Day function.

To impress Virus, he got his
speech written by the librarian...

in highbrow Hindi.

Hello. Hold on. Chatur, call for you.

Please collect the printout.
I'll be right back.

Oh... the things I have to do...

Mr. Dubey, the Director
was remembering you.

- Really?
- Yes. Just now

I'll see him right away.
Give this to Chatur.

Hello. Hello - Hello, Mr. Ramalingam?

Yes?

I'm calling from the police station.

- Are you from Uganda?
- Yes sir.

Your life is in danger - What?... How?

Listen carefully, or else...

you'll get killed as you
step out of the college gate.

Why? What happened?

While Chatur was kept engaged.

Rancho altered a few words
in his speech, for eg...

'served' became 'screwed'

Yes sir?

- Who are you?
- Dubey. Librarian

I'm permanent staff, sir.

Congratulations.

Hold on a moment. The chief
is on the other line.

Excuse me, sir.

Yes... so where was I?

You said I may die... outside the gate.

Right. As you get out of the gate,
you'll see a traffic signal.

Traffic signal. Ok.

When it turns red, all the cars will halt.

Ok. Then?

Then cross the road with great caution.

Because son, in rush hour if
a car hits you, you're dead.

What nonsense! I know that.

You know that? Excellent.
Then you're safe my boy.

From the librarian, Silencer.

You don't call me that, Chanchad.

Hey. The Director said
he didn't call for me.

Who said 'called'? I just
said he 'remembered' you.

Remembered? Rascals!

Distinguished Mr. Chairperson.

Chief guest, the Honorable
Minister of Education

respected teachers and friends.

ICE has now soared beyond the stratosphere.

The credit goes solely to.

Dr. Viru Sahastrabuddhe.
Give him a big hand.

Sir, the voice is his
but the words are mine.

He's a great guy, really you are.

For 32 years, he has
unceasingly screwed students.

He means - 'served' students

I'm sure his endeavors will continue.

We are astounded at how
one man, in one lifetime

can screw so many, so well.

With rigorous training
he's built up his stamina.

He's spent every living
minute just screwing.

Let's replicate his methods.

Tomorrow ICE students
will go across the globe.

Wherever we go, we promise to screw.

We'll hoist this screwer's
flag all over the world.

We'll show the world that
our capacity to screw...

cannot be matched by any student...

anywhere on the planet.

Mr. Minister. Good evening.

You have given this institution
what it sorely needs

Booty, funds - Bosom.

It's booty, stupid. Bosom means...

What nonsense! That's insulting.

Everyone has a bosom,
but it remains pocketed.

No one offers it so readily.

Vulgar fellow!

You have generously offered your bosom...

to this relentless screwer.

Now see how he makes it grow.

Is this what you teach here, Director?

On this august occasion,
here's a Sanskrit verse...

Listen to this - the might
of his fart in verse.

A good loud fart is honorable.

'Fart'? Go, Silencer.

A medium fart is tolerable.

Softer windbreaks are terrible.

And the silent ones unbearable.

That's what mindless cramming does to you.

Cramming may see you through
four years of college

but it will 'screw' you
for the next 40 years.

He still doesn't get it.

'Medium fart is tolerable'... Unbelievable!

You're a poet, Rancho. How
did you think of this?

That was fun. He didn't know what hit him.

You swines! What did I ever do to you?

Sorry man. Don't take it personally

I will.

Chatur Ramalingam will
never forget this insult

I'll think of it every minute,
every second of my life.

Sorry man. That was a demo for Raju.
Don't cram blindly.

Understand and enjoy the wonders of Science

I'm not here to enjoy Science.

So You're here to screw Science.

Go ahead. Laugh at my methods.

But one day these methods
will bring me success.

That day I'll laugh and you'll cry.

You're on the wrong track again.
Don't chase success.

Become a good engineer and
success will chase you.

These ideals don't work in the real world.

You take your train, I'll take mine.

Ten years from now we'll
meet at the same station.

Same day. Same place. We'll
see who's more successful

you... or I.

Have the balls? C'mon, bet!

It's a challenge.

Watch it!

What's he writing?

Don't forget this date

I'm not used to such
expensive gifts, Suhas.

Get used to them, Pia.

You're gonna be Suhas Tandon's wife.

Where's the bill, man?

I'll be back.

- You changed the speech?
- What?

Don't lie.

Um... Yeah.

What's your problem with dad?
I have no problem

I'm making an inverter named after him.
Look... Oh.

Why're you harassing him?

'Cause he runs a factory, not a college.

Churning out asses. Like that one.

She destroyed it, man.

How dare you call him an ass?

He is one! First Engineering, then MBA

then becomes a banker in the USA.

Because it rakes in more money?

Life for him is just a
profit-loss statement.

He sees profit in you, so he's with you.

Director's daughter,
doctor in the making...

Good for his image!

It's not you he cares for.

Who do you think you are?

What do you mean he doesn't care for me?

New watch? One moment.

You always need a demo.

Hey Suhas.

Where were you?

She's looking for her watch.

What? You lost the watch.

Never mind. Get another.

It cost 400,000!

Mine's just 250/- but keeps the same time.

Keep quiet... How could
you be so careless, Pia.

This callous attitude is disgusting.
It's disrespectful.

That was a limited edition watch.

Now wear your ancient
piece of junk at dinner.

What're you staring at?

Here come the tears! Real mature, Pia

I can't handle this.

Stop crying and look for it.

Find another wrist for this watch... Ass!

Hey, you're awesome. Called
him an ass to his face.

Get lost.

It's too noisy here.

She's saying 'Thank you', I hear 'Get lost'

I said 'Get lost' - Don't get so uptight.

Actually, you never really loved him.

What do you mean?

When you see him, do the
winds whisper a melody?

Your scarf flies in slow motion?

The Moon appears gigantic?

That happens in movies, not in life.

Happens in life too - if you love a person

not an ass.

Hello. What?

Oh God! Ok, I'm on my way.

You're a medical student, right?
Need your help.

It's an emergency, please - What?

Please come with me. What's
that oath you doctors take -

You'll never deny a patient help...
The Hippocratic Oath.

Please help me, it's an emergency.

You gatecrash my sister's wedding,
break off my engagement...

my dad is popping BP
pills because of you...

and here I am, helping you!

Unbelievable!

This Hippocratic Oath.
It's really done us in!

- Where's Raju, ma'am?
- Gone to get a cab.

Called the ambulance two hours ago.

In this country, pizza
reaches in 30 minutes

but an ambulance...!

He needs hospitalization. Urgently.

Hey stop!

Move, it's an emergency!

Move... move...

Doctor, emergency!

That's the patient.

Keep this. Hey, here's Raju.

What the hell! You brought
dad on the scooter.

Should I've sent him by courier?

No wisecracks on dads profession!
Where is he?

Go ask the doctor.

Close call, Pia. A little
delay, we'd have lost him.

Glad you didn't wait for an ambulance
and got him on the scooter.

Call me if there's a problem.

Rancho! Thank you...

Thanking your buddies!
Silencer teaching you manners?

Didn't he teach you.
A friend is man's greatest bosom?

Go on now. You have an exam tomorrow.

Exams we have many... Dad mostly just one.

We won't budge from here
without the Postmaster.

Don't worry.

Rancho, forgive me. I was scared.

It's ok. Quiet, now.

Please forgive me.

It's ok, calm down. Go see your dad.

And don't go with that weepy face.

Thanks buddy.

Natty scooter. Saved a life.
How much does it cost?

Pour some mint sauce on it. It'll tell you.

Hey, happy Independence Day.

Today isn't Independence Day.

For you it is! Now you're
free to wear your mom's watch.

No ass can say it's an
ancient piece of junk.

Hey.

How do you know it was mom's watch?

At your sister's wedding, you
wore sparkling new clothes.

Only the watch was old.

What could that mean?

You really missed your mom
that day, didn't you?

Yes.

Your mom must've been really beautiful.

Yes. How do you know?

Seen your dad?

'Life is a race. If you don't run fast

you'll be a broken egg... cuckoo bird'

You...

The winds whisper a melody.

The sky hums along.

Time itself is singing...

Param pum.

'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum
paara Zoobi doobi param pum'

My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi
doobi' as it jives and jigs along.

'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum
paara Zoobi doobi param pum'

My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi
doobi' as it jives and jigs along.

Leaves sing on their branches
Bees jam with flowers.

Crazy sunbeams dance off petals
As birds yodel in the skies.

Flowers, bold and brazen
Snuggle and cootchie-coo

I've seen it happen in movies
What's now happening with us.

'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum
paara Zoobi doobi param pum'

My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi
doobi' as it jives and jigs along.

'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum
paara Zoobi doobi param pum'

My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi
doobi' as it jives and jigs along.

Let's make the unique and
ever useful mint sauce.

The all-powerful sauce
that exposes phony people.

Your 7th house is clear.

Shunning an ass, you'll fall for a human.

Time is ripe for love.

Temperature in New Delhi remains stable.

Clear skies. But if in love, expect rain.

Pitter-patter go the raindrops
Whish-whoosh whistles the wind.

Do-da-dee waltzes the rain
Boom-boom echoes the sky.

Drenched in rain and passion
You sway your hips on cue

I've seen it happen in movies
What's now happening with us.

'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum
paara Zoobi doobi param pum'

My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi
doobi' as it jives and jigs along.

'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum
paara Zoobi doobi param pum'

My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi
doobi' as it jives and jigs along.

The gorgeous low moon Serenades the earth.

A shooting star skips along
Crooning a ballad of love.

The night is bright but lonesome
Come touch me, my handsome

I've seen it happen in movies
What's now happening with us.

'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum
paara Zoobi doobi param pum'

My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi
doobi' as it jives and jigs along.

'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pum
paara Zoobi doobi param pum'

My silly heart goes 'Zoobi doobi zoobi
doobi' as it jives and jigs along.

'Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi'.
..goes my silly heart.

Hello. Wake up.

- Huh... Postmaster's dead?
- What!

No, stupid.

It's 8.30, your exam is at 9.

But we can't leave him alone

I'm here. It's a matter of three hours.

Take my scooter. It's getting late.

Hey...

Gosh, what an ancient watch.

Go.

Sorry, we're late - It was an emergency.

Settle down there.

Sir, they're still writing.

Hello. Time up.

Please, five minutes. We
started half an hour late.

It was an emergency.

He glared at us like we'd
asked for both his kidneys.

But we continued writing.

He continued arranging the answer sheets.

Done, sir.

Sir, please, sir.

Sir, do you know who we are?

Prime Ministers son? Even then...

I will not accept your paper.

Do you know our names and roll numbers?

No...

Who are you?

He doesn't know - Run!

Hey, what's your roll number?

Where the hell are their papers?

O Lord, have mercy.

Today was Results day. Time
to make a deal with God.

Just save my Electronics.
I'll offer a coconut.

Sir Snake, bless my Physics. I
promise a pint of milk per day.

O Mother Cow, help me pass...
have this grass

I vow: No X-rated thoughts
of girls in my class...

Watch over my results

God of Wealth, I'll offer 100/- every month

100/- won't bribe even a traffic cop

let alone the Almighty.

Check from the bottom.

You are... last.

And you?

Second last.

Rancho?

Not there.

My heart sank.

Not 'cause our ranks tanked,
but 'cause our friend flunked.

There's a mistake. It's not possible.
It's injustice.

What's Silencer howling about?

He got the second rank.

Who's first?

Rancho.

Rancho?

Move aside.

We learned a lesson in Human Behavior:

Your friend fails, you feel bad.
Your friend tops, you feel worse.

We were sad. Two others were sadder.

Ranchhoddas Chanchad. Front row.
Right of the Director.

Uday Sinha. Second row. Third seat.

Alok Mittal. Second row. Fifth seat.

Sahili Rao. Third row...

Sir, why this seating according to rank?

Any problem with that?

Yes, this grading system
is like a caste system.

A-graders: Masters C-graders: Slaves.

It's not nice, sir.
You have a better idea?

Yes. Results should not
be displayed at all.

Why publicise someone's flaws?

If your iron count is low, will
the doctor prescribe tonic...

or air your report on TV.

You see, sir?

So basically, what you are saying is

I should personally go
to each student's room

and whisper in his ears...

"'You have come first'; 'You're second"

'Oh, I'm so sorry, you have failed'

No sir, I mean grades create a divide

I've topped, so I'm next to you.

My pals came last, they're
in the back corner.

At least they're in the corner.

More time with you, and
they'll be out of the photo.

They will neither pass, nor get a job.

They'll get jobs, sir. There
must be some firm that...

prefers humans to machines.

They'll get jobs. I guarantee.

You guarantee it!

Bet, sir?

Govind - Yes, sir?

Even if one of them gets a
job in campus interviews...

shave off my moustache.

Sir!

- Happy?
- Smile, please.

Happy, sir.

Jackass! Honking to hide your tooting.

Septic tank! Popping pills again?

I didn't do it... Raju?

This is a familiar stink.

He's the sole cause for global warming.

Toss me your wallet - I'll buy pants.

Take Chatur's suit instead.
Don't touch my suit.

Rancho'll recognize you even in underwear.

Where's this?
If I could read, would I sell peanuts?

He can't read - But he can speak.

Wait. Do you know a Ranchhoddas Chanchad?

Yes, he lives there.

Free as the wind was he.

Like a soaring kite was he.

Where did he go...

let's find him.

Chatur, your pills.
Thanks. Where were they?

In the pocket - Hey, my pants!

Karl Marx says to share all resources.

Hey, you'll give people ideas

I want it now.

What happened?

Rancho's father.

Excuse me, where is Ranchhoddas?

There he is - Thank you.

- Rancho...
- Yes?

Sorry. We're looking for Ranchhoddas

I am Ranchhoddas.

No, I mean... 'Ranchhoddas
Shamaldas Chanchad'

Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad. That's me.

Ranchhoddas, take care, son.

'Ranchhoddas Chanchad'

Raju

I'll be in the Guinness Book for
driving Delhi-Shimla in underwear.

That too, for the wrong guy!

Same name, same degree, same
photo, but a different guy.

What's going on?

How did Silencer get Rancho's address?

Good point!

Hey Chatur, come here.

How dare you open this? I
got this from San Francisco.

Handmade biscuits.

Specially for Mr. Phunsukh Wangdu.

Phunsukh Bangdu? Who's that?

Not Bangdu. Wangdu. 'W'. Phunsukh Wangdu.

Do you know who that is?
He's a great scientist

400 patents. The world wants him.

Took me a year to get an appointment.

Once he signs the deal with
my company, I'll be huge!

Forget Wangdu. How'd you
get Rancho's address?

You should be thanking Phunsukh Wangdu.

He led me to Rancho, See this.

My secretary was here to fix
an appointment with Wangdu.

She didn't get the appointment.
But I found Rancho

I checked the Shimla directory
and found Rancho's name.

What happened to his face?

Plastic surgery in honor of your visit?

Only one man has the answer.

Sorry Papa, I couldn't
fulfill your last wish.

You kept asking me to
take you on pilgrimage.

But I waited for the highway tender.

There the tender opened,
here you closed your eyes

I am so sorry, Papa. I
could not be a good son...

Wrong.

You're an engineer. Your
degree's on the wall!

You were a very good son.

How dare you barge in?
I'll have you arrested.

No, you'll be arrested.
We've made enquiries.

You use the degree to clinch contracts.

It's our friend's degree.
How did you get it?

This is a 150 acre estate.

If I shoot and bury you,
no one would even notice.

Get the point?

Now get lost

I'm taking Papa's ashes
to the sacred river.

Can take yours too.

Grab Papa!

Here, here.

Let go of Papa!

Tell the truth or Papa is flushed!

Hand over Papa.
Papa goes to the sacred sewer.

Get Papa out of the potty.
You pull trigger, I pull flush.

I'll count to three.

Wanna shoot us? Raju, scatter the ashes.

One.

Two.

Then grope for him in the gutter.

What is it, Raju?

We've got the wrong urn. It's empty!

Empty?

Empty - we'll empty it out!

No, no!

We'll empty it out.

No... hands up!

Who are you?

I am Rancho

I swear on Papa, it's true

I am Rancho! That was Chhote.

Chhote?

He was our gardener's son, Chhote.

He stayed on with us after he was orphaned.

Did odd jobs around the house, ran errands.

He had a passion for learning.

He'd wear my old uniform
and slip into school.

And attend any class he liked. It suited me

I made him do my homework, take my exams.

It was going well, till one day...

Our teacher saw a sixth
grader doing tenth grade math.

Which grade are you in, son?

What's your name?

We got caught.

Papa was a powerful man, so...

our teacher alerted him
before going to the Principal.

You started it, you will finish it.

People pretend to show me respect.

But behind my back...

mock me as an illiterate

I won't let that happen to my son.

This boy wants to study.
I want just a degree.

Let the game go on.

Make this kid an engineer

and I'll have a degree in
my son's name on that wall

I went to London for four
years, he went to college as me.

He'd promised to cut contact with
all after getting the degree.

But he always said, 'Two idiots
will come looking for me'

He really misses you both

I'll give you his address, go to him.

But please keep my secret.

What secret?

You got the wrong urn, sir.
Papa is in here.

What the hell's going on?
Who was that gun guy?

Complicated story. Without subtitles.
Not for you.

Ignore it - Where're we going?

Ladakh.

Ladakh! Why?

To meet Rancho.

What's he doing in Ladakh?

No clue. We have the address of a school.

School teacher!

I'm Vice President of Rockledge
Corporation, and he...

A for Apple, B for Ball...

D for Donkey.

Next week I sign a huge
deal with Phunsukh Wangdu.

And he... A for Apple, B for Ball...

Today my respect for that idiot shot up.

Most of us went to college
just for a degree.

No degree meant no plum
job, no pretty wife...

no credit card, no social status.

None of this mattered to him.

He was in college for the joy of learning.

He never cared if he was first or last.

Who was the first man on the Moon?

Neil Armstrong, sir.

Obviously, it is Neil Armstrong.
We all know it.

Who was the second?

Don't waste your time. It's not important.

Nobody remembers the man
who ever came second.

Soon, 26 companies will
be here with job offers.

You'll have a job even
before your final exam.

This is your last lap, my friends.

Put the pedal to the metal.
Step on the gas.

Go out there and make history!

Any questions?

Yes?

Sir, suppose a student gets a job...

but narrowly fails the final exam,
will he still have the job?

Very good question.

Anyone else with the same question?

As expected.

Please come on stage. Give them a big hand.

For the last four years

they've been our most consistent students.

Consistently last in every exam.

Come my geniuses, come.

Their brains will fetch a handsome price.

'Cause they're completely unused.

And to answer their question -

The exam won't affect their jobs.

Because no company will hire them anyway!

They're so unique, their
names will be writ in gold -

'Farhanitrate' and 'Prerajulization'

Give them a big hand, please, everybody.

He screwed us!

In front of everyone

God, I'll give up meat,
light a 1000 incense sticks.

Do me just one favor -

Delete Virus!

Burn him in hell.

Fry Virus-nuggets in bubbling oil.

You think God is a contract killer?

You shut up.

You're in the center of
the photo every year.

We're rotting in the corner.

This year we may fall out
of the photo altogether.

- Know why I come first?
- Why?

Because I love machines.

Engineering is my passion.

Know your passion?

That's my bag - Be quiet.

What're you up to?

This... is your passion.

Go post this letter.

What letter?

5 years ago he wrote this for his
favorite wildlife photographer.

- Andre...
- Istvan.

He wanted to train with him in Hungary.

But in fear of his dad, the
Fuhrer, never posted it.

Quit Engineering, marry Photography.

Follow your talent.

If Michael Jackson's dad
forced him to be a boxer...

and Mohammad Ali's dad
pushed him to be a singer...

imagine the disaster.

Do you get it?

Idiot! Loves Photography,
but is marrying machines.

Your Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas.

Engineering is my wife and mistress both.

- But I still fail. Why?
- Explain.

'Cause you're a coward,
scared of the future.

Look at this - more holy
rings than fingers.

One ring per fear - exam, sis's dowry, job.

With such fear of tomorrow,
how'll you live today?

How'll you focus on studies?

Strange buddies! One lives in
fear, the other in pretense.

You live in both - fear and pretense.

You're scared to tell Pia you love her...
so you pretend you don't.

What rubbish!

Easy to offer free advice,
tough to follow it.

Have the guts? Go confess to Pia.

There's no connection!
Deep connection, Your Holiness.

Listen, if you confess to Pia

I'll tell Dad.
No Engineering, I'm marrying Photography.

And I'll dump my rings
before the job interview.

Deal?

Have the guts?

His Holiness is speechless.

Let's go.

Follow me - Where?

Let's go.

Hey Virus! I'm anti-Virus.

Hope no dog here.

Cowards! Let's go.

If any danger, I'll give the Virus alert.

Beware - Virus inside.

Need background score?

Pia - Who's it?

Don't yell! It's me, Rancho.

Just listen for a moment, then I'm gone.

Say not a word...

- Pia...
- Yes?

Those 22 minutes with you on the scooter

were the most enchanting
22 minutes of my life

I could spend an eternity
with you on the scooter.

Wow

and time stands still.

Every night you ride into my dreams
on your scooter, dressed as a bride.

Instead of a veil, you lift your helmet

and come close to kiss me.

But that kiss doesn't happen.

Why?

Because the noses collide, and I wake up.

The noses never collide, stupid!

I'm sorry, I thought you were Pia

I wish I was.

Sis, why did you interrupt?

It took him four years to say this.

Pia, kiss him. Show that
noses don't collide.

You have my permission, kiss him...
He's so cute!

- Who's this?
- My sister.

Who're you?

When you were talking, he kicked.
First time!

He? How do you know it's a 'he' or 'she'?

Papa asked the astrologer If
we'd get an engineer or a doctor.

Meaning?

Boy becomes an engineer, girl a doctor.

Champ, better stay inside.
Out here's a circus.

Your grandpa is the ringmaster.
He'll crack his whip -

'Run! Life is a race. Be an engineer'

But you follow your heart.
If grandpa scares you...

put your hand on your heart
and say, 'All is well'

He kicked.

Say it again.

All is well.

Kicked again.

Once more - All is well.

All is well.

Who is it?

Go.

You sent hate-mail to Dad,
here's pee-mail for you.

Enjoy the pee-mail, happy reading!

- Who is it?
- Your future son-in-law.

And the wedding party.

Rastogi!

Security, that way.

So you all have already learned
about the simple pendulum.

Now let's get down to the advanced
study about compound pendulum.

It's an irregular object
oscillating about its own axis.

Let me demonstrate to you.

- What's this?
- Pencil.

- What's inside?
- Lead.

Good. Lead is the axis to this pencil.

Even you can be a compound pendulum,
if you oscillate about...

- Where is Raju Rastogi?
- Present, sir.

Hi. Everybody is here.

Good morning, sir.

Where were you last night?

Studying all night, sir - Studying?

Really?

Hasn't slept two nights,
that's why he looks scruffy.

Not slept?

What did you study?

Induction motor, sir. The whole chapter.

Whole chapter?

In that case, Mr. Raju Rastogi...

Yessir!

Can you tell us how an
induction motor starts?

Stop it.

Sir, rum.

Mr. Rastogi.

Let's have a cup of tea in my office.

Sir?

Close the door.

Can you type?

Yes, sir.

Will you type a letter for me?

Definitely, sir.

Come, sit.

Sir, I'm sorry sir...

Please type.

Dear Sir...

It is my painful duty to inform you...

that your son is rusticated...

No, sorry, delete that. Go back.

Your son, Mr. Raju Rastogi...

is rusticated from the Imperial
College of Engineering.

Come on, type.

It'll kill my dad, sir.

Please type - Sir, please sir.

My decision is final and irrevocable.

He lives just to see me become an engineer.

Should've thought of that
before peeing on my door.

Sir, give me one chance... please.

Ok, remove your name from the letter...

and put in Rancho's

I know he was with you last night.

Be my witness and I'll spare you.

You have 71/2 minutes to think.

We won't let go of you.

We're not done yet... no way.

The heavens may beckon you.

But we'll take up arms against God.

And it's not a fight we intend to lose.

You may try your best to escape.

Try with all your might.

But there is no way we
are letting go of you.

We won't let go of you.

We're not done yet... no way.

Rancho, watch that monitor.

Raju.

His body is paralyzed with
shock, but his mind is alert.

He can see and hear us. Please
don't cry in front of him.

Speak to him normally,
motivate him, joke around.

Good news, Raju. Your dad's recovered.

The new medicine worked.

Is this your family tradition -

As one male gets up, the other conks out?

Come, wake up.

Your dad wants Pia's scooter.

Should I give it to him?
Hope he won't dent it.

Raju, Farhan is live on webcam.
From the hostel.

Look, Virus has canceled
your suspension order.

Problem solved... Wake up now.

Everything's resolved! You hear that?

Rise and shine, buddy.

In this journey of few strides.

On the path called life.

Don't quit... Just celebrate the ride.

Listen please to those who love you.

Every dark night is followed by sunrise.

Don't shut out those who love you.

We won't let go of you.

We're not done yet... no way.

We won't let go of you.

We're not done yet... no way.

Look, mom bought a new saree - Brand new.

It cost 2000/-

Wake up now.

She bought not one, but ten sarees.

Look!

Hey Raju!

C'mon tell me... How do I look?

Remember the letters mom would write...

Always blessed you with eternal life.

Don't die on her... you can't die.

Look at us now, don't turn away.

Smile once to show you care.

Wake up, don't torment us anymore.

Did you hear about your sis?

She's getting married.

The bridegroom wants nothing at all.

He just wants Kammo.

- You know who the bridegroom is?
- Yeah.

Guess!

You know him very well - Yes.

He loves animals - Huh...?

He's going to be a wildlife photographer.

Quiet... Shhhh...

Didn't get it? It's our Farhan.

Farhan will never take any dowry.

Farhan will marry your sister.

For free! Free! Free!

Raju!

One kilo okra, 500 grams cheese
for 'free' would've woken him.

Why sacrifice me...!

Well done, buddy.

So it's all fixed.
Farhan will marry your sister.

Rancho.

Rascals... Stop fibbing.

Lucky escape!

We won't let go of you.

We're not done yet... no way.

We won't let go of you.

We're not done yet... no way.

We won't let go of you.

'Okra Rs.12/ kilo'

You called for a taxi?

I did - It's waiting.

Thank you. Why?

I'm going to the job interview.

You coming with me?

No. I'm going for the interview.
You're going home.

Why would I go home?

Remember, we promised this rascal.

Give me your tie.

Why?

I doubt you'll go for the
interview after reading this.

What's that?

A letter - For you, from Hungary.

Some photographer called Andre Istvan.

You posted my letter!

He loved your pictures.

The guy wants you to assist him...

in the Brazilian rain forest, for a year.

Will pay you, too.

Dad will never agree.

Go speak to him... from your heart.

For once, dump your fears...

or someday, on your
deathbed, you'll regret it.

You'll remember that the letter was
in your hand, taxi at the gate...

With just a little courage, you
could've turned your life around.

Do you think he'll like it?

Why such an expensive gift?

Our son's getting his first job today.

Don't be stingy at such a proud moment.

Farhan?

Don't you have the job interview today?

I didn't go

I don't want to be an engineer, Dad.

What happened? You had an accident?

See that building? I jumped
from its third floor.

Why?

Because I was rusticated from college.

Why?

Drunk, I urinated on the Director's door.

That scoundrel Rancho is
messing with your mind!

I don't enjoy Engineering.
I'd make a terrible engineer.

Rancho has a simple belief.
Make your passion your profession.

Then work will become play.

What'll you earn in that jungle?

A small stipend, but I'll learn a lot.

Five years from now...

when you see your friends buying cars
and homes, you'll curse yourself.

Life as an engineer will
bring only frustration.

Then I'll curse you

I'd rather curse myself, Dad.

The world will laugh!

Label you a loser, for
quitting in the final year.

Mr. Kapoor feels you're
fortunate to be at ICE.

What'll he think?

Mr. Kapoor didn't provide
me with an air-conditioner.

It wasn't Mr. Kapoor who slept
in discomfort while I slept well.

He didn't take me around
the zoo on his shoulders.

You did all that, Dad.

How you feel, matters to me.
Mr. Kapoor makes no difference

I don't even know his first name.

You think you're the hero of a melodrama?

Enough, please... he's upset

God forbid, if he did
something crazy like Raju...

Then the discussion is over.

Don't say a word or His
Lordship will jump off the roof.

No, Dad. I'll never attempt suicide.
I promise.

The Rancho you detest put
this picture in my wallet.

Told me to see it if a suicidal
thought crossed my mind

and imagine what'd happen to your smiles

when you see my dead body

I want to convince you, Dad

but not with a suicide threat.

Dad, what'll happen if I
become a photographer?

I'll earn less

I'll have a smaller house, a smaller car.

But I'll be happy

I will be really happy.

Whatever I do for you will
be out of genuine love

I've always listened to you.

For once, let me listen to my heart.

Please... Dad.

Dad...

Please don't go away...

Return this.

Son, what's the cost of
a professional camera?

Can the laptop be exchanged for it?

If you need more money, just ask.

Go live your life, my son.

Your grades are consistently poor. Reason?

Fear

I was a good student since childhood.

Parents hoped I'd end their poverty.

That scared me.

Here I saw the mad race. You
don't count if you're not first.

My fear grew.

Fear is not good for grades, sir

I slipped on more charms and rings.

Prayed to God for favors.
No... begged for favors

16 broken bones gave me two
months to think and reflect.

Finally, sense dawned.

Today I didn't beg God for this
job, just thanked him for this life.

If you reject me, no regrets

I'll still do something
worthwhile with my life.

Such frank behavior is
not good for our firm.

We need someone diplomatic
to handle clients.

You're too straightforward.

But...

if you assure us you'll
control this attitude

we may consider you.

It took two broken legs
to get me up on my feet.

Wasn't easy to get this attitude.

Can't change it, sir.

You keep your job... I'll keep my attitude

I'm sorry, no offense, sir.

Wait

I've interviewed countless
candidates for 25 years.

Everyone turns into a
yes-man to get the job.

Where did you spring from, son?

Sir?

Shall we discuss the salary?

Thank you, sir.

Your Majesty, thou art great.

Accept this humble offering.

Govind!

You had said, 'If he gets
a job, shave it off'

What have you done?

I feel naked without my moustache

I've lost my dignity

I won't accept defeat, Rastogi.

The job isn't yours until
you pass your final exam.

And this time, I will
set the question paper.

Dad, that's not fair.

Everything is fair in Love and War.

And this is World War... ill.

Rastogi, you're dead meat!

Hey.

What're you doing here?

Be careful.

You've been drinking.
Yup, had to down a couple.

A couple too many!

Needed the guts - For what?

For stealing this - What's this?

The duplicate key to Virus's office.

The question paper's in
a cover with a red seal.

Dad has set it, to fail Raju.

Go get it!

Are you mad or what - that's cheating!

Everything's fair in Love and War.

Tell me something...

Do you really feel...

the noses collide while kissing?

Wait. Have some dhokla.

You Gujaratis are so cute.

But why does your food sound so dangerous?

Dhokla, Fafda, Handwa, Thepla, Khakhra.

Sound like missiles.

C'mon.

'Today Bush dropped two Dhoklas on Iraq'

'400 dead, 200 injured'

C'mon.

Oh...

I can deal with Khakhra, Fafda.
But your name...

'Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad' - Yuck

I won't change my last name after marriage.

Pia, we can't get married.

Why?

Is there someone else?

No.

- Are you gay?
- No.

Then why don't you propose to me?

- Are you impotent?
- No.

Then prove it.

Pia, no.

Stop, stop!

- What happened?
- We didn't inform Pia.

Stop here, my bladders are bursting.

- Shut up!
- Are you in touch with her?

No... I have her home number
Then call her, I'll stop.

Hello.

No place for urine-expulsion
in this country.

- Hello, is Pia there?
- No, she's not.

Is she at the hospital?

Why would she be there?

She's getting married today - in Manali.

Too late! She's married.

Not yet. It's a six hour drive.

If we rush, we'll reach before the vows.

What do you say?

It's a no-brainer. Let's turn back.

No turning back.

Straight to Ladakh. We'll
meet Rancho and return

I have a Friday meeting
with Phunsukh Wangdu.

Get into the car.

If I miss my meeting, the
Japanese will get him.

They're offering him a
first name in the company.

'Phunsukh and Fujiyashi', profit sharing...

- Pia weds Suhas!
- Thanks for the suit.

Virus will have a heart attack.

At every daughter's wedding,
we're there to rock the party.

Listen, I'll update Pia,
you peel off the price tag.

Farhan - We found Rancho.

- For Room 107?
- Yes, sir.

- You've taken ages.
- Sorry, sir.

Off, now.

Housekeeping, sir - Come in.

Amore... Amore...

Quick, iron my coat.

Amore... Amore...

We found Rancho! Now you
can't marry this ass.

You're mad, Farhan.

Don't fool yourself, Pia.
You still love Rancho.

You're still eating his favorite food.

Amore... Amore...

He's incorrigible. Once a
price tag, always a price tag.

Shut up, Farhan. Suhas is a changed man.

He doesn't speak of
brands and prices anymore.

My 150,000/ - coat.

Why do you people eat sauce?

I'll sort it out, sir - How?

Our laundry specializes in
cleaning mint-stained suits

I'll clean it in a jiffy.

Get it soon.

But it's too late now, Farhan - Pia.

Let's go, Pia, we're late.

Pia, it's me... Raju. Don't
yell, they'll kill me.

Where is Suhas?

Housekeeping took my coat.

Go... Send Suhas here.

It's rude to leave the ceremony.

- Yeah, Farhan?
- The car's ready.

Grab her hand and run. Don't move.

- Sir...
- My coat?

You're here...

- So who's at the altar?
- Altar?

Another couple of rounds, and
we'll be considered married

I'm already married, Pia. Let's go.

It's too late. People will laugh at me.

So you'll commit suicide?

Rastogi!

People will gossip briefly, then forget.

But you... you'll regret on your deathbed

that the car was at the gate,
Rancho within reach...

but in fear of people,
you married this ass.

Housekeeping?

Pia, minor problem.

What?

We don't know if Rancho's married.

What!

He won't be married - And if he is?

Then we'll drop you back.

Relax! Handmade biscuit?

What's he doing here?

Ignore him - The biscuit's very good.

Till yesterday, I was a
law-abiding citizen.

But in the last 24 hours,
I'd grounded an aircraft

almost assigned Shamaldas's
ashes to the sewers, and

made a bride elope from her own wedding!
All for Rancho.

But he too would do anything for friends.

Like stealing the question paper...
from the lion's den.

Envelope with the red seal.

He feared that if Raju failed,
there'd be another high jump.

We were principled thieves,
stealing the paper only for Raju.

We'd sworn we won't even take a peek.

Where's it hidden...

We'll grow old searching! Ask Pia.

Pia, your phone.

Mr. Papa-To-Be! If you say
'All is well', he kicks.

He kicked.

Pia, your phone.

Found it! Rancho.

Hello?

Quick, photocopy this.

Where was it?

Put it back.

- We're safe!
- Where were you?

Here - What's this?

A gift.

Question paper. Virus set
it himself, to fail you.

Strange buddies!

First teach you to be upright,
then offer a path to shame.

No way.

If I pass, it'll be on my own steam.

If I don't, it's still ok.

He'd won us over! I felt like
embracing him as family...

but then I controlled my emotions.

Damn thief - Sir, please, sir.

Rascal - Sorry sir.

Wanted to change the system.

You'll pee on my door.
Sir, what're you doing.

Sorry sir.

You are rusticated!

If all of you aren't out by
morning, I'll call the police

I will call the police!

Rascals!

Rascals, all of you.

How did he get my office key?

I gave him the key, Dad

I wish I'd given this key to my brother...
He'd be alive today.

Stop it, Pia.

You think your son fell
off a train and died?

Shut up, Pia.

You decided he'd be an engineer.

Did you ever ask him what he wanted to be?

You put such pressure on him...

that he chose death over the entrance exam

I don't understand...

Dad, you go to your room.

Pia, don't do this.

He wanted to study Literature, be a writer.

But all he wrote was this suicide note.

Put that away, please.

No more cover-ups!

Just once...

if you'd said.
Don't do Engineering if you don't want to

just do what your heart is in

then he'd be alive today.

He didn't commit suicide.

You're right, Dad.

It wasn't suicide...

It was murder.

Many city roads are completely submerged.

Traffic has come to a standstill.

Dad...

Mona?

Go back, Millimeter.
Why're you following us?

Why? Your pop owns the road?

Please help, we are desperate here!

You can't send an ambulance?

Get it from another hospital.

The entire city's flooded, sir.
We're helpless

Mona, you ok?

Rancho, Pia.

Rancho, you can't reach here. Do as I say.

The water bag has burst.

Disconnected! Mona

Mona!

Turn on the lights - Where to?

To the table tennis table.
Pia, we're in the common room.

Raju, turn on the web camera.

Where's Mona? Show me.

Hold on.

Here, Pia

Mona, don't worry. I'm with you.

Pia, I'm dying!

Rancho, even when there
were no hospitals or docs

babies were delivered.

You all will deliver this baby.

All is well.

How dare you? I'll kill you.

Dad, stay out of this.

Farhan, get towels and scissors.

Millimeter, get clothes
clips and hot water.

Rancho, cover Mona

Mona, try pushing.

Push with all your might.

Stop it! I can't do it.

Rancho, check if there's crowning.

Crowning...?

Get that diagram.

See if the head is coming out.

Check quickly.

Go!

Go, Rancho, go.

No crowning

Mona, please push

Mona!

She's tired, Pia.

Wake her! If she won't
push, it's a big problem.

They need a vacuum cup.
Where will they get one?

What's a vacuum cup? How is it used?

I'll show you.

If the mother's too fatigued to push,
a cup is placed on baby's head.

Suction makes the cup stick to the head...

and the baby is pulled out

I can make this - How?

With a vacuum cleaner - Vacuum cleaner?

Yes.

That pressure's too high

I'll control it.
D'you have a vacuum cleaner?

Yes, in my office.

Farhan, rush and get it - Here's the key

Mona, push.

Oh my God.

What happened?

- Raju, what happened?
- The power's gone.

How'll the vacuum work now?

Farhan, you get the vacuum,
I'll get the power.

How?

Millimeter, get Virus out.

What nonsense is this!

Not this Virus. My Virus, the inverter.

Get that, quick - Ok.

Raju, wake up the hostel.

Get car batteries, wires,
and a vacuum gauge.

Emergency in the common room!

- Where's Rancho?
- Here, sir.

Keep the batteries here... and the wires.

Raju, switch off everything,
connect the inverter to the mains.

Rancho, vacuum cleaner.

Farhan, get your lens cleaner.

- Blower?
- Yeah, get it.

Rancho, blower.

Good. Fix this to the gauge.

Rancho, I'm done.

- All switches off?
- Yes.

Hit the table and computer switches.

Ok.

Raju, turn on the computer.

Farhan, here.

Pia, come here quick.

Love you, Rancho.

Farhan, turn it on - Ok.

Pia, how much suction?

Not more than 0.5.

Farhan, 0.5 - Cover it

0.5

Vacuum cleaner baby!
Mother of all deliveries.

Farhan, stop.

Ok.

Raju, get on the table.

Push the baby down, like this.

Ok.

Farhan, turn it on.

C'mon, you can do it.

C'mon, push.

Do it for Champ.

C'mon, Mona.

He's coming out!

You can do it.

Yes Mona, push.

Farhan, turn it off.

Ok, off.

Two clips, cut the umbilical cord.

Farhan, two clips on the cord.

Get scissors - Be careful.

Cut at the center, get a towel.

Pia, he's not crying.

Hey Champ!

Rancho, rub his back.

Hey Champ - Come on, Champ.

No, nothing.

Blow air into his mouth.

C'mon, Champ.

No response.

Hush Mona, say - All is well.

He kicked.

What?

He kicked.

Say - All is well.

All is well.

If Virus had said, 'My
grandson will be an engineer'

I would've broken his jaw.

But when he finally spoke, he stunned us.

What a kick! Wanna be a footballer?

Be what you want to be.

Wait - I've not finished with you!

First day of college, you'd
asked me a question...

Why didn't astronauts
use a pencil in space?

If a pencil tip breaks

it'd float in zero gravity. Get
into eyes, nose, instruments...

You were wrong.

You cannot be right all the time.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

This was an important invention.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

My Director said, 'When you find
an extraordinary student...'

Go, study! Pass your exams and leave.

And now, Student of the Year...

Ranchhoddas Shamaldas Chanchad.

Sir, one photo

I wanted to capture all these
memories and take them home.

That day, we hugged, we
rejoiced, we cried...

We vowed that we'd meet
at least once a year...

Who knew then, we were seeing
Rancho for the last time.

Untie him

I'll sue you all in an American court.

Raju.

Only Rancho can create a school like this.

But where is he?

Don't pee here.

Go away creatures.

Don't pee here - I'll smack you.

Bingo! He cannot be far.

Excuse me, where is Ranchhoddas?

- He's not Ranchhoddas!
- Rancho...

Chhote... Dammit, what's his name?

Calm down. Come with me.

- Where's he?
- Rancho.

Farhan, he's read all your books.

Raju, he reads your blog everyday.
Proudly shares it with the kids.

Remember your helmet, Pia? It was stolen...

Who are you? How do you know us?

- Didn't you recognize me?
- No.

How would you? Millimeter
is now Centimeter.

Not Centimeter, you're Kilometer.

How did you get here?

I got a letter with a train ticket inside.

It said. 'Miss being in school?
Catch this train'... I did.

That rascal Rancho!

Where is that idiot?

Dorje, you fly it.

Every night you ride into my dreams
on a scooter, dressed as a bride.

Instead of a veil, you lift your helmet

and come close to kiss me.

Couldn't you tell me before leaving?

No.

Sorry.

Did you marry?

What? No.

- You?
- Almost... Idiot.

So?

So what?

Do you love someone?

Yes.

Who?

You.

See, the noses don't collide, stupid.

That's right!

Rancho.

Hi... Farhan!

Screw your 'Hi'

- Hey, listen to me...
- No, you listen to me

I can explain everything.

Hi... Raju!

How we hunted for you!

Didn't have a coin for one phone call?

Add a couple from me too.

Rascal, scoundrel - Let him go now.

Ok ok, enough.

On your feet, c'mon.

Having fun, idiots?

Hey... Hi Chatur.

Ranchhoddas Chanchad. How
do you do, Mr. Teacher?

Wow, you're a teacher in a village.
A for Apple, B for Ball...

Our trains left together. But
yours traveled in reverse...

from engineer to primary teacher.

What's your salary, Chanchad? 5000/-?

For me that's $ 100.

My son's pocket money is
more than your salary.

Cut the crap - Crap is what he gave us.

Wanted to change the education
system, change the world.

Finally what does he change? Kids' diapers.

You gonna break his jaw or should I?

Just relax.

Remember I'd said one day
you'd cry and I'd laugh?

Sign here. Accept - You lost, I won!

'Declaration of Defeat'! Unbelievable, man.

Chatur - Crazy guy.

Hey, this is Virus's pen! You pinched it?

Forget it, man.

This is for winners, not losers.

If your school ever needs help,
call my assistant for a donation.

A for Apple, B for Ball...

- He hasn't changed at all!
- Ignore him.

He's full of crap.

Good news is your name
isn't Ranchhoddas Chanchad.

Imagine, after marriage, I'm Pia Chanchad.
Yuck!

By the way, what is your real name?

Phunsukh Wangdu.

Wangdu?

Pia Wangdu!

You mean you're a scientist?

You have 400 patents?

I won't change my name after marriage.

You mean you're Chatur's Wangdu?

It's you the Japanese are wooing?

I don't like Wangdu.

Are you a scientist or a teacher?

Scientist, but I also teach children.

So you are THE Phunsukh Wangdu?

Yes, yes!

Hey Silencer - Hey Chatur, come back.

Take that.

Wait, I'll stop him.

Mr. Wangdu, I can't believe it's you

I'm sorry, Mr. Chatur

I can't sign the deal with your company.

What sir? Why sir?

How do I sign, man? You took my pen.

What pen, sir? I didn't get you...

The one in your hand - Virus's pen.

Mr. Wangdu...?

Yes, Chatur?

A for Apple, B for Ball is...

S for Screwed.

You got me, Rancho - I mean, Mr. Wangdu.

Totally floored me. Good one

I hope our personal problems
won't affect this deal.

Hey Chatur - take that

I was just joking, man.

Deep down, I knew you'd do great things.

You're fibbing.

No, really, I swear.

Rancho - 100, Chatur - 0.

You win, I lose. You don't believe me?

Beware of farts.

Your Majesty, thou art great.
Accept this humble offering.

Free advice, Mr. Wangdu.
Run for your life!

Rancho, I'll lose my job, man.
I have small kids...

His Holiness Guru Ranchhoddas
had correctly stated.

Follow Excellence... Success
will chase you, pants down