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1
00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:04,787
My name is B. J. Novak.
I wanna tell you about this show I made.
2
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:07,181
It's a completely different
episode every time.
3
00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:08,312
- Pop culture.
- Sex.
4
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:09,400
MAN: Revenge.
5
00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:10,445
Here it is. Is that it?
6
00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:12,142
That's it.
7
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,198
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
8
00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,634
COLIN:
What about that one?
9
00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:27,288
LASZLO:
That'll do nicely. That gaggle
10
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:28,985
of human flotsam doesn't even
11
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,552
belong on the sea.
12
00:00:30,595 --> 00:00:32,641
Bat!
13
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:37,385
[screaming]
14
00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:44,000
COLIN [singsongy]:
Hello.
15
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,960
- Get the fuck out of here!
- Just like on Gilligan.
16
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:49,919
- MAN: Come on!
-[woman screams]
17
00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:52,530
- Send us a postcard.
-[both laugh]
18
00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,706
[whoops]
Just the dudes!
19
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,100
And away we go.
20
00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:59,233
["You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing]
21
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,757
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long♪
22
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,238
♪ They have no use
for your song♪
23
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,936
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead♪
24
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,852
♪ You're dead
and out of this world♪
25
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:14,422
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone♪
26
00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:17,164
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world♪
27
00:01:17,207 --> 00:01:19,514
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead♪
28
00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:22,169
♪ You're dead
and out of this world.♪
29
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:23,953
♪
30
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:34,398
Again, we do apologize so deeply
31
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,270
for taking up any of your time.
32
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I wish I could have
helped you with
33
00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:40,143
whatever this was supposed
to be about, but--
34
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:41,971
Is that Count Bakula?
35
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:43,842
- BAKULA: Who's that?
- Hi, Count Bakula!
36
00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:45,409
- Big fan!
- No, shush!
37
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It turns out he's not even
actually a vampire.
38
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,196
We got it wrong.
He's actually a Scoot?
39
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,546
- He's a Scott... Bakula.
- Scott.
40
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,939
Nadja, really, I-I need to go.
I got people in the pool--
41
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:56,028
- NADJA: Yes, you must go.
Thank you so much. - NANDOR: But before you do,
42
00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:57,421
eh, Count Bakula,
could I just ask,
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00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:59,075
did you ever have an ancestral
44
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,338
home in the Transylvania area?
45
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:02,905
Not that I'm aware of.
46
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,689
Uh, we're all here
in Sherman Oaks.
47
00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:07,039
Oh, is that near Bucharest?
48
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:10,173
No, it's between Mulholland
and, uh, and-and the Galleria.
49
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:12,175
I do apologize for my associate.
50
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,134
He is demented.
51
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,266
Nandor and I have come
to a better agreement
52
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,573
on how to run
the Vampiric Council together.
53
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:21,967
- Which is a--
- A diplomatic solution, whereby--
54
00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:24,796
Which is that we will each
be running the council...
55
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,711
BOTH:
On alternating days.
56
00:02:26,755 --> 00:02:28,887
GUIDE:
It's a terrible solution.
57
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:30,933
Every day is spent undoing
what the other one did
58
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,239
on the previous day.
59
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:34,893
We are two,
but we work as... one.
60
00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:36,112
One.
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00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,592
I said say it together.
62
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,289
GUIDE:
This is the most poorly run
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Vampiric Council
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00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:42,336
since the rule
of Paduk the Deranged.
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00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,164
Who also tried to share
his leadership duties
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00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,557
with what he believed to be
was a talking footstool.
67
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,298
But we even had good days
with him.
68
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:49,865
There are no good days
with these two.
69
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:52,041
This is ultimately
what power-sharing
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00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,565
and coexistence is all about.
71
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,959
A real
- Israel/ - Palestine situation.
72
00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:59,266
Yes, a win-win.
73
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:04,184
- Nandor!
- NANDOR: Yes?
74
00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:05,576
Here we go again.
75
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,056
- NANDOR: What?
- Nandor!
76
00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:08,666
DOLL NADJA:
Ah, there you are!
77
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,451
- I've been looking everywhere.
- Not now, darling.
78
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,366
- I need a moment.
- Could you possibly pick me up and--?
79
00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:13,454
- GUIDE: Busy.
- I'm going to peel the skin off your scrotum
80
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,020
and chew it like a gum!
81
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:17,153
What is this?
82
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,329
This is an agreement
for our Vampiric Council
83
00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:21,201
of the Tristate Area-- VCOTSA!
84
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:23,333
To be the proud sponsors
of the upcoming
85
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:25,248
- Fun Run for MS.
- NANDOR: Yes.
86
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:27,381
- And you think this is
a good idea why? - DOLL NADJA: Nadja!
87
00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,687
It is a good idea
because it is good
88
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,689
that humans are healthy.
89
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:34,083
Healthier humans mean
healthier eating choices for us.
90
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,607
- NADJA DOLL: Pick me up, please!
- Not now, darling!
91
00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:38,261
- Please!
- GUIDE: Shoo, little one.
92
00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,958
And so we are going
to announce to the world
93
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,352
on the back of T-shirts,
"Proudly sponsored
94
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:44,659
-"by the vampires
that live amongst you..." - Pay attention to me!
95
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,530
-"...that you're not supposed
to know about"? - Yoo-hoo.
96
00:03:46,574 --> 00:03:48,576
- Ay!
- I am undoing this.
97
00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,230
- It will be undone.
- NADJA DOLL: Hello?
98
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,753
Undo nothing!
99
00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:53,494
I will put
a temporary stop-work order
100
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,017
on the proposed undoing.
101
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,237
No one will even notice.
It's gonna be like...
102
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,674
"Sponsored by Wells Fargo,
103
00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:01,197
- Jersey Mike's Sub Shop..."
-[sighs]
104
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,981
-[speaks foreign language]
-"...VCOTSA."
105
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:05,593
Sometimes I feel like I've
become invisible to everyone.
106
00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:07,421
And that hurts, you know?
107
00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:09,031
Wow, so...
108
00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,946
this is what we're doing now?
109
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:14,166
Just gonna pair Guillermo
with the doll for interviews?
110
00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:16,299
That's wh--
that's where we're going?
111
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,301
Really, just get
all the B-team interviews
112
00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,129
done at the same time?
113
00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:21,565
Nice, real nice, guys.
114
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:22,914
Oh, boo-fucking-hoo!
115
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:25,265
My legs are
five centimeters long.
116
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:26,962
Looks like you guys have
things covered here.
117
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,790
I have chores to do.
118
00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:30,748
- Do you need help?
- No, I got it.
119
00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:33,055
- Oy.
- PRODUCER: Guillermo, come on.
120
00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:35,623
He's a chore, am I right?
121
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,843
Now I'm guessing
you're wondering
122
00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:40,758
why are those fellas
on this boat?
123
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,761
We're actually on our way
to a place called Plum Island.
124
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:46,198
LASZLO:
Colin Robinson believes that Plum Island
125
00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:48,723
holds the secrets
to his energy vampire
126
00:04:48,766 --> 00:04:50,290
origins.
127
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,335
COLIN:
It's owned by the government.
128
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,729
It's an animal disease
research center.
129
00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,687
Off-limits to average Joes
130
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:58,210
and likely highly guarded.
131
00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,603
Centuries ago...
132
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,910
I commanded the captain's helm
133
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,564
of many an important vessel.
134
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:06,088
I began my seafaring life
as a...
135
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,482
young sailor scrubbing
the poop decks--
136
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:11,049
[laughs]
Poop decks.
137
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:12,486
That's what it's called.
138
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,183
- Oh.
- Yeah.
139
00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:17,055
And from there I was
in charge of sloops,
140
00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:18,883
battleships, brigantines,
141
00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:20,363
the Titanic for two seconds.
142
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:21,712
You name it, I sailed it.
143
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,061
[horn blowing]
144
00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,759
What the fuck?!
145
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:26,761
- Just hit the--
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.
146
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,545
Sorry.
[laughs]
147
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:30,417
Yeah, that's loud.
[chuckles]
148
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,550
DOLL NADJA:
You know, being a ghost spirit
149
00:05:33,594 --> 00:05:36,118
in a doll body has been
a complicated experience.
150
00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:39,469
But I've made
some good memories here.
151
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:42,124
Yes... [speaks
foreign language, whoops]
152
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:45,823
Remember that chopping someone's
head off is an absolute last
153
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,564
- resort.
- Yeah, okay.
154
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:49,610
[grunting]
155
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:54,789
Which, in turn, causes
an uneven wear pattern.
156
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:56,921
- Mm-hmm.
- And that is why you were
157
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,880
walking weird last week.
158
00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:01,535
- You'll be walking weird
if you don't shut up. - Absolutely.
159
00:06:01,578 --> 00:06:04,581
♪ Vampires are a happy folk♪
160
00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:07,932
♪ They share a laugh,
they share a joke♪
161
00:06:07,976 --> 00:06:10,457
[both grunting]
162
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,720
Oh, Nandor!
163
00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:14,548
[grunts] Shit.
164
00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,376
- She's pretty good. Hey!
- I'll kill you! Aah!
165
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,552
- Nandor, I'll fucking kill you!
- Whoa, no-- hey, Nadja!
166
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:20,597
But as time has passed,
I have realized
167
00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:22,425
I don't fit here.
168
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,167
Perhaps I'm that one extra piece
leftover when a puzzle is
169
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:28,257
already completed and there is
no place where it fits.
170
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,607
Which is not how a puzzle works,
of course.
171
00:06:30,651 --> 00:06:31,869
But who gives a shit?
172
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:33,654
That is how I feel.
173
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,438
I'm the extra puzzle piece.
174
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:36,874
[sighs]
Okay.
175
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,136
[speaks foreign language]
176
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:39,486
Let's hit the road.
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00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:41,966
NADJA:
Honestly, Nandor, I don't want
178
00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:43,794
to sample virgin dogs.
We've already tried that before.
179
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,448
It doesn't work.
180
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:47,015
- GUIDE: It will be undone.
-"Vampire ice cream"?
181
00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,364
It's just cold blood.
182
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,887
We can put blood in the fridge.
183
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:51,498
We don't need to do
vampire ice cream.
184
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:52,716
- Nadja? Hello?
- Undo it. - It will be undone.
185
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:53,935
I'm leaving now.
186
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,458
NADJA:
More portraits of Nandor?
187
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:57,068
Undo that. No, we've
got enough portraits...
188
00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:59,288
Okay, then, I guess
I'll just be moving along.
189
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,811
NADJA:
Vampire carnival?!
190
00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,161
I mean, we are a secret species.
191
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:07,209
When I was a captain,
life was the best.
192
00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:09,429
I knew a thousand sea shanties,
193
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:11,605
I was nut-deep in prostitutes,
194
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:13,737
sword fights every other day,
195
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:16,523
as much gold as you could shake
a shitty stick...
196
00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:19,221
What the fuck are you doing?
It's dark!
197
00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,658
I-I know, it feels good, though.
198
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:24,095
- Hey, can you get my back?
- Uh...
199
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,706
maybe I'll do that later.
200
00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:27,403
[garbled radio chatter]
201
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:29,449
[woman vocalizing]
202
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,104
What is this song?
203
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,150
It-It's haunting, yet...
204
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:36,847
so familiar, I...
205
00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:40,068
And yet like nothing
I've heard before.
206
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,809
Kill the engine!
Kill the engine!
207
00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:43,724
And the radio!
208
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,378
I think it's coming
from over there!
209
00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:48,511
Coming from the starboard bow.
210
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,644
We should investigate!
211
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,950
Well, we got to. I don't
see what else we can do.
212
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:56,171
- Okay, shall do! Okay, let's go.
- Haul ass!
213
00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:59,783
No, I'm... I'm starting to think
214
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:02,090
- it could be a trap.
- I was just thinking that.
215
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,440
It definitely seems
like some sort of trap
216
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,486
- we probably shouldn't, uh--
-[woman vocalizing]
217
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,357
Ooh, ooh!
218
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,534
No, I think we should
definitely investigate.
219
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:14,015
- Haul ass, smoke
grass, let's go! - You got it.
220
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:15,756
Ha-ha!
221
00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:18,106
- Whoa! How about that?
- Where's my tie? Where's my tie?!
222
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:20,195
[woman vocalizing]
223
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:23,633
[boat crashes]
224
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,026
LASZLO:
Fucking hell!
225
00:08:25,069 --> 00:08:27,332
NADJA:
Oh, Nandor! Oh, Nandor, help!
226
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,726
- What? What?
- Help me, somebody! I can't--
227
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,554
[crying]:
Oh, no!
228
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,643
- What is it? What the--?
- She's gone!
229
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,645
- Who?!
- My baby dolly!
230
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:37,647
She's gone! She has left home!
I can't find her!
231
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:39,214
How do you know
she has left home?
232
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:41,651
- Maybe she's just
under the couch. - No!
233
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,348
I can feel it inside my bones.
234
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:44,915
It is exactly what I would do
if I wanted to make
235
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,569
everyone worry about me
and cause a big drama.
236
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:48,745
Just give her some space,
I'm sure she will come back.
237
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,965
37 wives and you still
238
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:53,141
cannot read the room when
a woman needs some attention!
239
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:54,838
Come on, we have
to go and find her!
240
00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,405
- Oh, do I have to?
- Oh!
241
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:57,841
I hope she is okay out there
242
00:08:57,885 --> 00:08:59,843
all by her small self--
you know what?
243
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:02,498
If she wants to go out there,
get kidnapped
244
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,588
by a Turkish horde of gangsters
and sold off as mincemeat,
245
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,938
fine by me.
Rolled up, turned into kofta,
246
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,375
then I'm fine with that.
This is all my fault.
247
00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:12,203
I have been neglecting her.
248
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:14,423
And when I find that little...
[speaks foreign language]
249
00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,686
I am going to melt her head.
250
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:19,297
I'm going to make a chalice out
of her face and drink from it.
251
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:22,170
I will help you find her.
Guillermo!
252
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:24,041
- Guillermo!
-...petty emotional drama...
253
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:26,957
- GUIDE: So is this you?
- GUILLERMO: Just put it down.
254
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,569
Handsome then,
handsome now, huh?
255
00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:31,571
Yes, you keep saying that
over and over...
256
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:33,355
- Guillermo!
- Oh, look. - We are leaving!
257
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,313
Great, great, I'll come with you
because I'm your bodyguard.
258
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:37,620
No, no, you will stay here
and you will search the attic
259
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,840
for that sweet, little,
stupid bitch of a doll.
260
00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:42,364
If you find her, you will kiss
her, then hit her, come on!
261
00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:44,322
- But she said not to--
- Doesn't matter what she said.
262
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:46,107
I'm dealing with a woman
who is having a heated
263
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:48,109
debate with an identical
version of her own mind.
264
00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:50,241
Come on, I do not want
to be alone with her.
265
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:53,201
Mind if I stay in your bed
for a midevening slumber?
266
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,159
No! Get out of my room!
267
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,509
- Get out
and don't touch anything! - Okay.
268
00:09:57,553 --> 00:09:59,947
I will not touch anything.
269
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:03,124
[woman vocalizing]
270
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,343
Oh, oh.
271
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,911
- It's beautiful.
- That voice.
272
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,434
It beckons me.
273
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,001
Really?
'Cause I-I'm getting more
274
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,525
of a "Colin beckoning,"
to be honest
275
00:10:13,569 --> 00:10:15,615
[vocalizing]
276
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,054
Do you have a name, my darling?
277
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:21,882
Don't interrupt my song, mm.
278
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:24,754
There'll be plenty of time
for applause at the end, boys.
279
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,626
[laughs]
280
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:29,237
The only thing I hate more
than when someone interrupts
281
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,848
my song is when they try
and join in.
282
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,807
It's not right.
283
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,765
[laughing]
284
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:38,725
Is it me, or is she... hideous?
285
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,509
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
286
00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:42,554
LASZLO:
Nope, nothing there I want.
287
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:44,034
- Let's go.
- I'm as limp as a finger.
288
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,340
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Fantastic stuff.
289
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:46,558
All the best, my darling.
290
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,430
- Toodle...
- Oh, wait!
291
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:50,519
Hang on.
292
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,134
Shit.
293
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:58,527
Shit, look.
294
00:10:58,570 --> 00:10:59,833
Colin Robinson,
295
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:02,183
we are in the presence
of a siren.
296
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:04,185
[gagging]
297
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:05,490
[burps]
298
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,101
Sirens are
299
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:09,581
creatures from Roman
and Greek mythology.
300
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:12,889
There is a common misconception
about their appearance,
301
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,978
but they actually take
many different forms,
302
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:18,025
mainly birds that lure
unsuspecting sailors--
303
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:19,853
Yeah, they know
what a fucking siren is.
304
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,245
- We just got to get out of here.
- Well, maybe they--
305
00:11:21,289 --> 00:11:23,770
Wait, perhaps one of my suitors
306
00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:26,120
would want to compete
for a shiny trinket?
307
00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:27,556
[squawks]
308
00:11:27,599 --> 00:11:29,384
- Yummy.
- Or perhaps, fuck that.
309
00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,212
Bat!
310
00:11:31,255 --> 00:11:32,996
[Sheila vocalizing]
311
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:39,089
- That's the most beautiful song
I've ever heard. - Yeah.
312
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,744
Call Dick Clark, 'cause he's
gonna want her on Bandstand.
313
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,441
Reckon.
314
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,748
[speaks foreign language]
Where are you?
315
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,881
- Yes, where are you?
- You silly bitch!
316
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,883
- Where have you gone?!
- How do you know she's even here?
317
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,580
Because this is exactly
what I would do!
318
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,843
I would come to some toy store
and sit on a shelf
319
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:56,411
and wait for a sweet little girl
to take me home instead
320
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:58,892
of living in a house with
a bunch of uncaring assholes!
321
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:01,503
That is what you think of us,
a bunch of uncaring assholes?
322
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:02,983
All the time? No.
323
00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:04,506
Sometimes? Yes!
324
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:05,812
Lately? A lot!
325
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,552
- Guillermo? Focus now.
- Sorry.
326
00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:09,554
You know, maybe she just
needs some love and caring
327
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,339
and respect,
you know, the things that
328
00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:12,993
- are completely missing
from our house! - Hello?
329
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,777
- Dolly, baby! Hey, Dolly.
- Here, Dolly, Dolly, hello?
330
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:16,387
- It's okay, come out.
- Where are you, my love?
331
00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:18,520
- Here, Dolly, Dolly...
- Nandor!
332
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,174
-[Nandor grunting]
- I'll kill you!
333
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,828
You're stupid, Nandor!
334
00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:23,394
Aah, my fucking...
335
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:25,222
- Nandor...
-[grunting]
336
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:27,007
[screams]
337
00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:28,965
What have you done?!
338
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,750
My sweet baby!
339
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,577
She is so limp and lifeless.
340
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:34,928
Sorry, I thought it was
a giant bug or something.
341
00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:37,147
- GUILLERMO: Hey, guys, look!
- DOLL NADJA: Leave me alone.
342
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:39,019
I don't want to talk to you.
343
00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:40,890
Her spirit has jumped
from one body to another!
344
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,284
- NADJA: [speaks foreign
language] Come home! - Come on.
345
00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:45,199
Stop being so dramatic,
you stupid bitch!
346
00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:47,070
I love you so much!
347
00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,680
- What are you doing?
- DOLL NADJA: Leave me alone!
348
00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:50,073
- NANDOR: That's not nice.
- NADJA: Goodness' sake!
349
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,814
NANDOR:
Oh, shit, uh...
350
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,468
- DOLL NADJA: Forget about me!
- Just kick them out...
351
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:54,948
[grunting]
352
00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:56,210
- Are you okay?
- Yes!
353
00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:57,646
You silly cow!
354
00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:59,256
Guillermo,
tidy the balls, please.
355
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,736
NADJA:
I love you so much!
356
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,830
If you scoot a little
to your left,
357
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:10,833
I think I can get my mouth down
to gnaw through this rope.
358
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:13,705
- We're not even tied up.
- Oh.
359
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:15,011
-[glass breaks]
-[Sheila laughs]
360
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:17,144
If she found out,
she'd have me for dinner
361
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,798
and you for dessert.
362
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,191
Well, why-why would
she eat me second?
363
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:23,933
Well, you don't go to
the hog roast for the coleslaw.
364
00:13:23,977 --> 00:13:25,543
-[glass shatters]
-[Sheila clucks]
365
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,981
COLIN:
Oh, God, listen, it's useless for me.
366
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:30,374
Why don't you save yourself?
You can fly.
367
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,594
I'm not gonna leave you,
Colin Robinson.
368
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:34,639
[frequency crackling]
369
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,554
♪ Shots, shots, shots, shots,
shots, shots, shots♪
370
00:13:36,598 --> 00:13:38,295
♪ Shots, shots, shots♪
371
00:13:38,339 --> 00:13:39,819
♪ Shots, shots,
shots, shots, shots♪
372
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,821
♪ Shots, shots, everybody...♪
373
00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:44,475
What a heavenly voice
and a beautiful personality.
374
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:45,912
Absolutely.
375
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:47,609
Sit tight, boys. I'll be there
376
00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:49,872
in just a sexy, tiny,
little second for you!
377
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:51,613
Not again!
378
00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:54,355
Just a little second, actually.
379
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:55,878
Bloody hell.
We're being enchanted.
380
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,011
♪ You want to go♪
381
00:13:58,054 --> 00:14:00,665
♪ Carmel is the number
to know...♪
382
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,406
It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard.
383
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:04,626
It reminds me of the first time
that I met my love Nadja.
384
00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:07,455
That's how I know
that this is true love.
385
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,283
Yeah, I'd give a year's salary
386
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:11,459
to watch her lay a couple eggs.
387
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:14,549
Yoo-hoo, boys!
Who's up for a little fun?
388
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,551
[whoops]
389
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:17,900
LASZLO:
Shit.
390
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,554
One word springs to mind.
391
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,556
- What's that?
- Bat!
392
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,123
[bat squeaking]
393
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:26,039
Alone at last.
[laughing]
394
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:27,649
- Nadja!
- What?
395
00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:29,520
No, I'm calling out
for the doll.
396
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,871
- Well, that's not her name.
- What is her name?
397
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:34,134
I... I didn't give her one,
okay?
398
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,439
GUILLERMO:
Wow.
399
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,006
- Real nice.
- Doll?
400
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,747
- My love.
- Dolly.
401
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,357
- Where the hell are you?!
- Hey.
402
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,142
-[screaming, clamoring]
-[baby crying]
403
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:44,361
- NANDOR: Oh, shit.
-[Nadja speaks foreign language]
404
00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:46,363
Please stop this...
[speaks foreign language]
405
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:48,975
- And come home!
- You don't love me anymore.
406
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:51,978
None of you do! Just let me go.
407
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:54,763
Of course we love you,
you stupid bitch!
408
00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:56,634
Too little too late.
409
00:14:57,635 --> 00:14:58,898
- NADJA: Ah.
- Where did she go?
410
00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:01,291
Okay, enough!
You can forget it!
411
00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:03,511
I am not indulging
in this anymore!
412
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,469
Go and live your stupid life,
413
00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,211
and good luck trying
to make it on your own!
414
00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:10,692
Fine! I will!
I'm going to have a lot of fun
415
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:13,390
- as this big rat!
-[woman screams]
416
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,305
Well... your ass looks huge!
417
00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,960
Ha! Not as big
as yours, darling.
418
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,179
-[Nadja gasps]
- Shots fired.
419
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:20,832
Taking it up a notch.
420
00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,704
You better not have said
what I think you just said!
421
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,140
She did.
422
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,055
Enjoy the view, baby!
423
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:28,101
-[bat squeaking]
- Oh.
424
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:30,407
Oh, Laszlo, thank goodness!
You can help me with my--
425
00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:32,105
Not now, my darling!
426
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:33,802
- Come on.
- Now I need you
427
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,978
to come up
with a device that'll make me
428
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:38,024
impervious to all external sounds.
429
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,982
GUILLERMO:
Yeah, we, we can go somewhere for that.
430
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,941
NANDOR:
You're protesting.
431
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,246
By that, I mean
making me temporarily deaf.
432
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:45,074
Yes, I-I know
exactly where to go.
433
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:47,207
LASZLO:
What is all this stuff?
434
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,165
Is this stuff any good
or is it just shit?
435
00:15:49,209 --> 00:15:50,688
- Okay, just find it and let's--
- Hi.
436
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,560
Can I help you guys
find anything?
437
00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,214
No, we're just looking for some
noise-canceling headphones,
438
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,085
but we have it under control.
Thank you so much.
439
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,739
Now hang on,
what is the purpose of this
440
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,393
propelled plastic spider?
441
00:15:59,436 --> 00:16:01,351
Oh, this is
our Magic Mini tri-copter
442
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,788
- with the special-edition
chrome propellers. - Oh, wow.
443
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,312
Gizmo, I think we need
one of these.
444
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:07,096
No, we don't.
We should get going, Laszlo.
445
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,793
♪
446
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,012
Judi?
447
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,884
Between you and I,
448
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,364
could I really notice
a difference
449
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:17,063
between 5.1 and 7.1 surround?
450
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:20,196
Look, 5.1 is absolutely fine
for most standard home use.
451
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,546
Right, but it's not 7.1.
452
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,026
That's what you're
really saying.
453
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,115
Well, me,
I'm a bit of an audiophile.
454
00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:28,291
And I have a sneaking suspicion
455
00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:30,598
that you might be, too,
Mr. Cravensworth.
456
00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:33,122
[laughs]
Guilty as charged.
457
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,473
Hey, did you find everything
you were looking for today?
458
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,649
- Yes, I did, Kevin.
- Great.
459
00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:40,956
Now, will this be, uh,
cash or card?
460
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,741
I will not be paying
for anything today.
461
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:45,047
Got it. No charge.
462
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,353
Now, will you be wanting
463
00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:47,876
the extended warranty coverage?
464
00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:51,053
I won't be talked
into any extended warranty.
465
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,577
Got it. Now if you just
punch in your email--
466
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,537
Nor will I punching in
my email address.
467
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,801
I won't be talked into any kind
of Best Buy membership card
468
00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,890
or charge card.
469
00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:04,414
Right, but we really do need
470
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,895
your email to keep you
up to date about...
471
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,679
- promotional... Geek Squad.
- Oh, for the Geek Squad?
472
00:17:08,723 --> 00:17:10,203
- Not a problem at all.
- Okay.
473
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:11,813
Lcravensworth...
474
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:16,470
@nyconnex.com.
475
00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:18,515
I have no idea what my home
phone number is-- what is it?
476
00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:20,256
- 718...
- Okay, yeah.
477
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,954
Quadrophonic sound was
a great gimmick.
478
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:25,000
But I don't think
the wider public gave a shit
479
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,697
about that kind of detail.
480
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:28,308
What exactly does
all these electronics
481
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:29,613
have to do with Colin Robinson?
482
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,267
Oh, shit.
483
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,574
Enchanted twice in one evening.
484
00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,184
Once with Sheila.
485
00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:37,099
And then Judi from Best Buys.
486
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:39,014
I-I don't know
who Sheila is, so...
487
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,060
- No, don't...
- Bat!
488
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:53,072
♪ Sail away with me
to another world♪
489
00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:55,770
♪ Where we rely on each other♪
490
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,728
♪ Ah, ha♪
491
00:17:57,772 --> 00:18:00,557
♪ From one lover to another♪
492
00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:03,082
♪ Ah, ha♪
493
00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:06,955
BOTH:
♪ Islands in the stream♪
494
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,218
♪ That is what we are.♪
495
00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:10,872
[both laugh]
496
00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:13,744
You know, um, Rascal Flatts,
497
00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,486
they have a song
called "Life Is a Highway."
498
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:18,880
- I don't know that song.
- And, uh,
499
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:23,058
this detour tonight has
kind of changed my mind.
500
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,886
Maybe life isn't a highway.
501
00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,844
You know,
maybe life is an ocean.
502
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:28,585
-[laughing]
- Yeah, yeah.
503
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:30,109
Yes.
[chuckles]
504
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,633
You're an odd one,
Colin Robinson.
505
00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:34,635
Listen to me babbling on.
506
00:18:34,678 --> 00:18:37,290
-[laughs]
- Um, Sheila...
507
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,509
I-I think that you're something
508
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:41,163
really special.
509
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,904
Really?
510
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:47,300
Most people don't like me
when I'm not singing.
511
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:50,172
Most people don't like me
when I'm talking either.
512
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,478
[both laughing]
513
00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:52,870
-[squawks]
- Oh.
514
00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:54,176
I'm sorry, I got nervous.
515
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,396
I did a little poopy on you.
516
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:58,049
Nothing to be nervous about.
517
00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:00,051
It's not the first time
518
00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:02,228
a beautiful woman has
shit on my shoes.
519
00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:04,186
[chuckles]
Thanks.
520
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,840
- Probably...
- Human form! [grunts]
521
00:19:05,883 --> 00:19:07,320
Fear not, Colin Robinson!
522
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:09,800
- Oh, shit.
- A captain never abandons
523
00:19:09,844 --> 00:19:12,890
his crew,
so, siren, release him.
524
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,457
-[clucks]
- Can you give me just
525
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,067
- one second, sweetie?
- Yeah.
526
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:18,200
- Leave him alone and come on.
- Laszlo, no.
527
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,202
- What?
- I'm in love.
528
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:23,074
-[Sheila clucking]
- I mean, she's the one.
529
00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:24,902
It might be
a little unconventional,
530
00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:28,036
but... love can't
always be explained.
531
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:29,820
What, even
when she's not singing?
532
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:33,389
Well, when she's singing,
I-I can't resist her, but...
533
00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:35,348
when she's not singing,
I don't...
534
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:38,133
want to, want to resist her.
535
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,135
- LASZLO:
Look at what she's doing. - Yeah.
536
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,224
He's mad.
537
00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:47,142
- My lovely bitch, we've got you!
- Leave me alone!
538
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,927
There's nowhere left to run--
just give it up!
539
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:52,060
Stop chasing me! Let me be free!
540
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:53,714
You don't even want me!
541
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:55,585
- Hey!
- What are you talking about?!
542
00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:57,239
- Of course we want you!
- Ooh!
543
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:58,936
You're the one who ran away!
544
00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:01,548
- Are you fucking kidding me
with this? - Ouch!
545
00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:03,027
[screaming]
546
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,638
Oopsies.
547
00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:07,249
What have you done?!
Oh, my love!
548
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:10,339
She was only gonna jump
into another vessel anyway.
549
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,211
DOLL NADJA:
I am very tired.
550
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:14,082
Just let me go.
551
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:16,345
It would be easier for you.
552
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:19,130
You have so much to do already,
without having to worry
553
00:20:19,174 --> 00:20:22,264
about me and my silly emotions.
554
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,919
Yes, I have been
very busy recently.
555
00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:27,530
But you have to understand.
556
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:29,619
I have been working
so fucking hard
557
00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:31,882
in that house
to be taken seriously.
558
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,972
To get anyone
to give me any respect.
559
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,453
I've been trying to be
professional, but I've been
560
00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:41,065
squishing down
and mincing up my own...
561
00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:43,894
silly emotions.
562
00:20:45,113 --> 00:20:47,028
BOTH:
Oh...
563
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:48,551
Oh.
564
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:50,161
Wow.
565
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:52,294
I am so sorry.
566
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:53,904
It is not okay.
567
00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:56,298
And I am going
to do better for you.
568
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,300
And for myself.
569
00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:01,216
NADJA DOLL:
I am too tired. Switching hosts
570
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,523
is extremely draining.
571
00:21:03,566 --> 00:21:05,786
I don't think
I can do it anymore.
572
00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,222
[sighs]
573
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,442
How about one last home?
574
00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:12,401
Do you feel like coming back
and living with a bunch
575
00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:14,490
of uncaring assholes?
576
00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:19,234
Okay, why not?
577
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,628
For what it's worth,
I also think you're doing
578
00:21:21,671 --> 00:21:23,934
- a great job as coleader--
- NADJA: Shut up.
579
00:21:23,978 --> 00:21:26,154
- This isn't about you.
- NADJA DOLL: Not even a little bit.
580
00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:28,678
And I'm taking the day off
tomorrow!
581
00:21:28,722 --> 00:21:30,463
Oh, yes, a day out!
582
00:21:30,506 --> 00:21:32,334
We can crush grapes and spit
all the pits at the pigeons
583
00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:34,293
and torture mortals...
584
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:35,859
-[Sheila clucking]
- Right.
585
00:21:35,903 --> 00:21:38,645
Listen to me, Colin Robinson,
she is a siren.
586
00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:40,299
It's her job to enchant you.
587
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,344
You're not in love.
You may think you are,
588
00:21:42,388 --> 00:21:44,346
you dumb fuck, but you're not.
589
00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:46,348
Yeah, well, how do you know
the difference?
590
00:21:46,392 --> 00:21:48,916
She's half-chicken.
591
00:21:48,959 --> 00:21:50,483
Yeah, nobody's perfect.
592
00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:53,399
You go away, my friend.
593
00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:55,444
I'm in love.
594
00:21:55,488 --> 00:21:57,751
- Did you eat your dinner?
- Yeah.
595
00:21:57,794 --> 00:22:00,406
All right, this is going to end
badly, so what you need to do
596
00:22:00,449 --> 00:22:03,278
is cut the mics, turn
all the sound equipment off,
597
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:05,541
and put your fingers
in your ears, and do it now.
598
00:22:05,585 --> 00:22:08,109
- PRODUCER: Okay. Do it.
- Now!
599
00:22:08,152 --> 00:22:09,937
[audio cuts out]
600
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:22,645
[microphone thumping]
601
00:22:22,689 --> 00:22:24,734
[Sheila crying]
602
00:22:27,433 --> 00:22:29,391
PRODUCER:
Oh, shit.
603
00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:31,393
NADJA DOLL:
How do I look? Do I look all right?
604
00:22:31,437 --> 00:22:33,613
- Yes, you look great.
You always look great. - Mm-hmm.
605
00:22:33,656 --> 00:22:36,833
This has all made me realize
that in my efforts to be taken
606
00:22:36,877 --> 00:22:39,575
more seriously as a leader
of the Vampiric Council,
607
00:22:39,619 --> 00:22:42,186
I have been neglecting
my gorgeous, sweet,
608
00:22:42,230 --> 00:22:44,841
cutie, silly, little,
dolly mama-moo.
609
00:22:44,885 --> 00:22:46,582
Yes, exactly.
610
00:22:46,626 --> 00:22:49,411
And because, uh,
she is me, the same,
611
00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:52,414
it means I have been neglecting
the gorgeous, sweet, juicy,
612
00:22:52,458 --> 00:22:55,286
lovely, silly part
of my own excellent personality.
613
00:22:55,330 --> 00:22:58,115
And what I've realized,
since I am her,
614
00:22:58,159 --> 00:23:00,161
I've got to communicate
my emotional needs
615
00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:02,293
to everyone... and to myself.
616
00:23:02,337 --> 00:23:04,687
I love this little slut.
617
00:23:04,731 --> 00:23:06,950
And I love you, my little whore.
618
00:23:06,994 --> 00:23:08,430
Potty mouth, the same.
619
00:23:08,474 --> 00:23:10,040
[laughter]
620
00:23:10,084 --> 00:23:12,129
♪
621
00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:15,219
Oh, hello.
622
00:23:15,263 --> 00:23:17,091
I say, um, apologies
623
00:23:17,134 --> 00:23:19,441
for not making it to Plum Island
624
00:23:19,485 --> 00:23:22,009
to find out more about
your energy vampire origins.
625
00:23:22,052 --> 00:23:24,403
Yeah, well, I-I guess
626
00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:26,361
I remain an enigma.
627
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,232
Which is pretty cool.
628
00:23:28,276 --> 00:23:31,410
Right, has that chicken's
spell worn off?
629
00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:33,150
I guess.
630
00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:34,978
I mean, maybe I didn't
experience
631
00:23:35,022 --> 00:23:37,851
true love today,
but it-it-it sure felt like it.
632
00:23:37,894 --> 00:23:40,462
I'd say
that you didn't experience
633
00:23:40,506 --> 00:23:43,291
true love today.
634
00:23:43,334 --> 00:23:44,640
I didn't, no.
[laughs]
635
00:23:44,684 --> 00:23:46,033
All right, well, I'll leave you
636
00:23:46,076 --> 00:23:47,687
to whatever
the hell you were doing.
637
00:23:47,730 --> 00:23:49,776
Okay, then.
[chuckles]
638
00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:57,044
[radio frequency crackling]
639
00:23:57,087 --> 00:23:59,133
[Sheila vocalizing]
640
00:24:01,352 --> 00:24:03,920
If-if you guys could...
641
00:24:03,964 --> 00:24:06,053
maybe give me a-a minute?
642
00:24:06,096 --> 00:24:08,403
Um, I'm gonna beat off now.
643
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:12,146
♪ Nightingale of paradise♪
644
00:24:12,189 --> 00:24:18,457
♪ You sing of love♪
645
00:24:19,675 --> 00:24:23,810
♪ Flooding all the world♪
646
00:24:23,853 --> 00:24:30,207
♪ With light♪
647
00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,515
♪ Heedless men♪
648
00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:35,561
♪ Hear not your song♪
649
00:24:35,604 --> 00:24:40,348
♪ Of life eternal.♪
650
00:24:55,319 --> 00:24:57,452
[LASZLO READING]
651
00:25:00,673 --> 00:25:04,285
[NANDOR READING]
652
00:25:08,202 --> 00:25:10,726
[NADJA READING]
653
00:25:14,251 --> 00:25:15,514
[GUILLERMO READING]
654
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:20,823
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
655
00:25:26,046 --> 00:25:27,351
WOMAN: I have
a huge crush on you.
656
00:25:28,744 --> 00:25:30,137
Well,
that's really flattering...
657
00:25:31,486 --> 00:25:32,487
...because you're beautiful.
658
00:25:40,321 --> 00:25:41,931
ARCHER: You're probably
wondering what we're doing.
659
00:25:41,975 --> 00:25:43,629
Short answer,
saving the earth.
660
00:25:43,672 --> 00:25:45,282
Again.
661
00:25:45,326 --> 00:25:46,545
I'm not leaving without you.
662
00:25:46,588 --> 00:25:48,808
I need something soft
to land on.
663
00:25:48,851 --> 00:25:49,852
[BOTH SCREAMING]
664
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:56,555
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
665
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:04,563
[PLAYS DISCORDANT TUNE]
666
00:26:11,091 --> 00:26:12,788
WOMAN 1: It happened
pretty fast.
667
00:26:12,832 --> 00:26:14,573
WOMAN 2: The world
has changed.
668
00:26:14,616 --> 00:26:16,139
WOMAN 3:
His survivor's classified.
669
00:26:16,183 --> 00:26:17,663
Nobody can know
about him.
670
00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:21,014
People are going
to have to pick sides.
671
00:26:22,537 --> 00:26:24,147
I think it's going
to get worse
672
00:26:24,191 --> 00:26:25,279
before it gets better.
673
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:27,281
Run!
674
00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:30,763
I imagine
that you attract
675
00:26:30,806 --> 00:26:32,068
quite a bit
of attention.
676
00:26:32,112 --> 00:26:33,592
You know, more than before.
That's for sure.
677
00:26:33,642 --> 00:26:38,192
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