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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,352
(bell ringing)
3
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(whistle blowing)
4
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:31,322
(beeping)
5
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,872
(playing the blues)
6
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:00,268
(honking horn)
7
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,398
D'oh!
8
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,442
-(screams)
-(tires screeching)
9
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:12,113
Hmm.
10
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:24,501
{\an8}-(chewing loudly)
-MARGE: Hmm.
11
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{\an8}(chuckling)
So I said to that nurse,
12
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,548
{\an8}"You can take your free
tetanus shot and shove it."
13
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,175
{\an8}Well, you told her, Dad.
14
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{\an8}You better... believe I did.
15
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,347
{\an8}(grunts)
16
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{\an8}Ahh! Ohh.
17
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,684
{\an8}You still haven't told us
why Lenny bit you.
18
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,145
{\an8}Well, I really gave him
no choice, you see.
19
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:46,106
Lousy, meat-eating scum.
20
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,232
-(all gasping)
-BART: Huh?
21
00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:48,650
Not you.
22
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,318
(chewing loudly)
23
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,904
{\an8}I'm going over to protest
this disgusting new restaurant
24
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:54,155
{\an8}called The Slaughterhouse.
25
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,950
{\an8}It's decorated
with hanging steer carcasses
26
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,201
{\an8}and a fountain of blood.
27
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,663
{\an8}Oh, I heard about that place
on The Red Grocer.
28
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,707
{\an8}The worst part is,
you pick out your own cow
29
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,334
{\an8}and they kill it
right in front of you.
30
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:09,796
{\an8}Well, maybe the animals
don't mind, honey.
31
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,298
{\an8}They might enjoy being
the center of attention.
32
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,968
{\an8}I think I read somewhere
that cows like being killed.
33
00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:17,720
{\an8}Wait. There's a place
like that in Springfield?
34
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,806
{\an8}Then why are we eating
this crap?
35
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:20,849
{\an8}(grunts)
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{\an8}Come on, everybody.
37
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,936
{\an8}We're going
to The Slaughterhouse.
38
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:27,689
{\an8}You didn't need
to knock the food on the floor.
39
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:28,857
{\an8}Didn't I?
40
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,447
{\an8}(cows mooing)
41
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:40,577
{\an8}Wow, it's even more wonderful
42
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,412
{\an8}than Lisa said.
43
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{\an8}Oh, whoa,
44
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,040
{\an8}a complimentary
basket of hooves.
45
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,586
{\an8}Hmm. Beef salad,
beef on the cob,
46
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:50,920
{\an8}beef-fried beef.
47
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,047
{\an8}Is there anything on the menu
that isn't meat?
48
00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,591
{\an8}Ha. Not likely.
49
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:57,218
{\an8}Cool. Even this menu
is made of meat.
50
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,387
{\an8}It's an entire chicken
pounded flat.
51
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,847
{\an8}How clever.
52
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,891
{\an8}The kids' menu's on the beak.
53
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:05,101
{\an8}Hmm. I think I'll take...
54
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:06,769
{\an8}oh, that one.
55
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,354
{\an8}-(gunshot)
-(cow mooing)
56
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,607
{\an8}No, he's a bit listless,
isn't he?
57
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,026
Give me...
Oh, that spirited fellow.
58
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:14,235
-(gunshot)
-(cow mooing)
59
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,779
Ooh. He didn't put up
much of a fight.
60
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,240
Why don't you pick one for me?
61
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,367
-(gunshot)
-(cow mooing)
62
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,327
On second thought,
63
00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:23,828
I'll just have a glass of milk.
64
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,914
From that cow.
65
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:26,873
(surprised)
66
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,541
-(gunshot)
-(cow mooing)
67
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,711
{\an8}HOMER: Wait a minute. Is this
the biggest steak you've got?
68
00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,213
Seventy-two ounces?
69
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,715
I thought this was supposed
to be a steak house,
70
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,384
not a little
girlie, underpantsy,
71
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,887
pink doily, tea-party place.
72
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,138
Well, there is one steak
73
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,932
that's only available
by special request.
74
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,142
Uh. We call it,
uh, sir loin-a-lot.
75
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,186
It's, uh, the size
of a boogie board.
76
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:49,395
Ooh, I'll have that one.
77
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,814
And to drink... meatballs.
78
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,024
Very good, sir.
79
00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:54,776
(ringing)
80
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,402
Ladies and gentlemen,
81
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:59,739
this brave man has accepted
the sir loin-a-lot challenge.
82
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:02,367
He will pit his stomach
against 16 pounds
83
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,077
of indomitable tenderloin.
84
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,578
(applause)
85
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,622
They like me because I'm brave.
86
00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:11,084
Only two people have ever
finished the whole thing.
87
00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:13,294
(people gasping)
88
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,129
Uh, if you want
some friendly advice, pal,
89
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,340
I wouldn't tackle
the big one right away.
90
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,384
Oh, yeah?
What do you know about it?
91
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,641
(cows mooing)
92
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:29,811
Hmm.
93
00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:30,895
It's you!
94
00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:33,606
You're him. You're Tony Randall.
95
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,817
Heh. Red Barclay's my name.
96
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,611
I'm a trucker and I've eaten
steaks from coast to coast
97
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:39,988
with taters and toast.
98
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,322
Take my advice,
99
00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:43,449
this one's not for greenhorns.
100
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,784
Greenhorns?
101
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,828
Who's a greenhorn?
102
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,454
What's a greenhorn?
103
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,249
It's an insult. Sock him, Dad.
Sock everybody.
104
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,084
Oh, you're just jealous
'cause you don't have
105
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:56,546
the belly for it anymore,
Mr. No-belly.
106
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,215
Mr. Hasn't-got-a-belly.
107
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,342
Well, I have just finished
a whole lamb,
108
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,845
but, uh, I reckon
I could take you to school.
109
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,138
You're on, boy.
110
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,640
(grunts)
111
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,768
(shuddering)
112
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:13,313
Is it safe to eat
that much food, Dr. Hibbert?
113
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,731
You know, I wouldn't
have thought so
114
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:16,649
before I bought 12%
of this restaurant,
115
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,235
but now I feel
a balanced diet can include
116
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,737
the occasional eating contest.
117
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:21,863
But what if he chokes?
118
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:23,990
Oh-ho-ho-ho ! Not to worry.
119
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,950
We have the latest
Heimlich machine.
120
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,702
(gagging)
121
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:31,914
(gasps)
122
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,499
(grunts)
123
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,168
On your left,
124
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,171
the pride of the American
trucking industry,
125
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,840
reliable Red Barclay.
126
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:43,301
(applause, cheers)
127
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:44,844
And on your right,
Homer somebody.
128
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,472
-Go, Dad! Go, go, go!
-Yeah! Come on, Homie!
129
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,265
Gluttons to your marks,
130
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,392
-and Gorge!
-(inhaling)
131
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,188
(chanting)
Chew! Chew! Chew!
132
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,398
Chew! Chew! Chew!
133
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:58,608
(humming)
134
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,860
No, Homer!
Don't fill up on bread!
135
00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,945
Huh? Oh, right. The steak.
136
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,489
(smacking)
137
00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:09,077
Come on, Dad, pick up the pace.
138
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,953
Chew and swallow. No savoring.
139
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:12,497
Must eat beef.
140
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,625
Must defeat guy I just met.
141
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,336
(smacking)
142
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,633
So much steak.
143
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:25,093
Lungs filling.
144
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,512
Sinuses packed with meat.
145
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,972
Oh, come on, Dad,
just 12 more pounds.
146
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,683
(groans)
147
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,144
Oh, humans are so ridiculous.
148
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,854
He's not even
halfway through Walter,
149
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,815
and he's already hallucinating.
150
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,983
(both chuckling)
151
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,777
Lousy drunks!
152
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,320
I'll show them!
153
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,533
(groans)
154
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,414
(continues to groan)
155
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,457
What's happening to me?
156
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,377
There's still food,
but I don't want to eat it.
157
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:02,588
I've become everything
I've ever hated.
158
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,549
(weeping)
159
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:09,303
-(satisfied grunt)
-(applause, cheers)
160
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,556
Winner and still champion,
161
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:14,225
reliable Red Barclay.
162
00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:15,268
(applause, cheers)
163
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:16,769
My hat's off to you, Red.
164
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,438
You're a true American hero
165
00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:20,898
and you did it
with style and dignity.
166
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,568
and, hey, you're not breathing.
167
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,945
Don't people usually breathe?
168
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,782
-This man is dead.
-(people gasping)
169
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,367
Looks to me like beef poisoning.
170
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,618
(concerned murmuring)
171
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,454
Probably
from some other restaurant.
172
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,831
(relieved murmuring)
173
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:43,504
(grunting)
174
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,089
You'd better take
one of these, too.
175
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,132
He's eaten quite a lot.
176
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,092
(tires squealing)
177
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:50,970
There goes the finest trucker
who ever lived.
178
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,181
He called me greenhorn.
179
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,433
I called him Tony Randall.
180
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,226
It was this thing we had.
181
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,729
In 38 years,
he never missed a shipment.
182
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:03,941
But I guess this is one delivery
old Red won't be making.
183
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,277
Oh, yes, he will.
184
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,321
And on time, too.
185
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:10,323
Oh, no. Homer, no.
186
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:11,949
I've got to, honey.
187
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,326
I owe it to old Red
188
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:15,328
as both his friend
and his killer.
189
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,205
I want to go with you, Dad.
190
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,498
Don't you have school?
191
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,625
-Don't you have work?
-Ah, touché.
192
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:21,918
Bye, Marge.
193
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:23,836
(tires screeching)
194
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,630
Aren't you going to say bye?
195
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:26,923
Good-bye, Homer.
196
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,799
That didn't sound
like you meant it.
197
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:31,093
Oh, all right.
Good-bye, sweetheart.
198
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,261
Have a nice trip.
199
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,971
That's more like it.
200
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,598
So long, suckers!
201
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:36,557
(laughing)
202
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:39,101
(honking horn)
203
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,359
(stuttering)
204
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,027
( Homer grunting )
205
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:49,862
HOMER: Why you got to...
206
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,697
(grunting)
Come on.
207
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:52,615
(grunting)
208
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,660
Ah. Now I'm getting
the hang of this thing.
209
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,037
I don't know why I didn't
become a trucker before.
210
00:08:58,162 --> 00:08:59,622
Well, you're not really
a trucker now.
211
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:00,623
Oh, yeah?
212
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,583
My left arm says different.
213
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,544
Well, according
to Red's schedule,
214
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,837
we have to make it
to Atlanta in three days.
215
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:07,880
Piece of cake.
216
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,757
Just need a little
truck-driving music.
217
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,343
(music playing) ♪ If you want tobe my lover ♪
218
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,512
♪ You got to getwith my friends ♪
219
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,597
♪ Make it last forever ♪
220
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,432
Yeah.
221
00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,017
The open road.
222
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,690
Ahh, that little punk.
223
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,191
I'll teach him some manners.
224
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:30,611
-(screams)
-No, Dad,
225
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,071
he wants you
to blow your horn.
226
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,114
Oh.
227
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:38,160
That little punk!
228
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,748
Lisa, we got another postcard
from your father.
229
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,625
"Wish you were her."
230
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,544
How many of these
is he going to send me?
231
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,714
Wow, Dad and Bart
have been everywhere.
232
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,674
They've eaten
submarine sandwiches,
233
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,467
grinders, and hoagies.
234
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,594
It's not fair.
235
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,346
Your father always gets to have
such exciting adventures.
236
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,223
Maybe it's time
237
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,601
we took a walk on the wild side.
238
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,438
We're buying a new doorbell?
239
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:07,481
A musical doorbell.
240
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:09,525
(creaking)
241
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,528
So many doorbells!
242
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,322
I'm in way over my head.
243
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,115
(Nelson humming)
244
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:18,951
(bell ringing)
245
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:19,910
(laughs)
246
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:23,039
(grunting)
247
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,498
Oh...
248
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,292
Great. Look at my shoes
249
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:29,670
and today's my evaluation
with senor ding-dong.
250
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,673
Excuse me, Mr... Trainee.
251
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,800
I'm trying to find
a musical doorbell.
252
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,345
(laughing) Well, you came
to the right place.
253
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,221
We got your ding-dang-dongs
254
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,514
and your do-re-mis
255
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,933
and your, uh, ha-cha-chas, huh?
256
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:43,851
(laughing)
257
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,519
(humming)
258
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,189
I'm trying to find
a particular tune.
259
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,774
It's the one that goes like...
260
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:52,568
(tuneless humming)
261
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,903
Mom, is this the one you want?
262
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:57,406
(music playing "Close to You")
263
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,617
Yes, that's it!
264
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,578
Lisa, you ought to be
a doorbell salesman.
265
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:03,621
Oh, that's just what I need,
266
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:04,997
another piranha in the tank.
267
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,749
(music playing) ♪ Well, if it'scountry music ♪
268
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:08,042
♪ Or rock and roll ♪
269
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:09,543
A little more
high test, darlin'?
270
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,295
Sure thing, Gwen.
271
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,381
I'll be right back
with your pie, hon.
272
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,510
Ah, that's a nice, friendly gal.
273
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,011
-Yeah.
-Wouldn't it be great
274
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,846
to live right here
at the truck stop?
275
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,932
Watching all the people
come and go.
276
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,476
You could have a different
best friend every day.
277
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:26,477
I suppose.
278
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:27,895
Great. Now write your mother
279
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,188
and tell her
the marriage is off
280
00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:30,773
and then
when the paperwork is done,
281
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,733
I'll make Gwen my wife.
282
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,610
Will that be all, sweetie?
283
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,736
For now.
284
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,613
The light's on.
285
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,573
All systems are ding-dong.
286
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,450
Come on, Mom.
Let's take it for a test drive.
287
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,369
Oh, it's not a toy, Lisa.
288
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,788
We'll just have to wait
until someone comes.
289
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,542
Anyone? Anyone at all?
290
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:52,795
Oh! Milhouse is selling seeds
and he's coming this way...
291
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,463
Oh, the birds got him.
292
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:55,715
(screaming)
293
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,174
Not the face!
294
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,302
If your father was here,
there'd be process servers,
295
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,930
repo men, and bounty hunters
to beat the band.
296
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,640
Wait! People are coming!
297
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,142
I think
they're Jehovah's witnesses!
298
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,226
Yes!
299
00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:11,105
Wait, Marlon.
You know, I just had a thought.
300
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,273
Maybe we're bothering people
301
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,858
by trying to change
their religion.
302
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,901
What if we don't have
all the answers?
303
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,111
You're right, Noreen.
304
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:18,404
Let's go get real jobs.
305
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,410
(grumbling)
I would have feigned interest.
306
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:28,706
(grunts)
307
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,666
Still no visitors.
308
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,086
It's time we opened up a can
of whup-tushy on this situation.
309
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:35,796
What's the number for Luigi's?
310
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,007
Dad's got it on the speed dial
under "fire."
311
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:40,634
(tires screech)
312
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:42,386
This is it, honey.
313
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,345
We did it.
314
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,431
-Damn it!
-(sighs)
315
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,766
MARGE: Ring the bell!
316
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,893
Why? You already know
I'm here, don't you?
317
00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:49,977
MARGE: Just do it.
318
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,437
Nothing doing, missy.
319
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:54,064
Now, do you want your half-order
of garlic bread or not?
320
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,441
No, but if you'll
just ring the...
321
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:56,942
-(tires screeching)
-Hmm.
322
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,778
Oh, that's it.
I'm putting an end to this.
323
00:12:58,861 --> 00:12:59,862
Lisa, no, no, don't!
It won't be the...
324
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,531
-(music playing "Close to You")
-(gasps) Oh...
325
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,408
It's heavenly.
326
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,828
♪ Why do birds suddenly appear ♪
327
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,205
♪ Over there ♪
328
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:10,748
♪ Over here ♪
329
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,417
Why is it playing over again?
330
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:14,585
Who cares?
331
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:16,545
No one could ever
get sick of this song.
332
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,631
♪ Suddenly appear ♪
333
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,133
(crackling)
334
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,427
MAN: Hey, get that truck
out of here.
335
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,721
(chewing loudly)
336
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,098
WOMAN: You mean,it ate Patrick, too?
337
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,226
It ate everybody.
338
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,186
What about Erika?
339
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,939
-BOTH: It ate everybody!
- It ate everybody!
340
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:35,856
Stupid!
341
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,443
I bet old Red caught himself
342
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,779
a mess of catfish
with these fishing sticks.
343
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,198
Uh-huh. Bet he used bait, too.
344
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,450
Relax, boy.
We're ahead of schedule.
345
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,245
Actually, we have to go
2,200 miles in ten hours.
346
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,497
Ten hours? We got to roll!
347
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,003
Uh, yeah, I need something
348
00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:59,630
that'll keep me awake,
alert, and reckless
349
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:00,631
all night long.
350
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,759
Well, congress is racing
back to Washington
351
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,553
{\an8}-to outlaw these.
-Sold!
352
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:09,598
Hey, you can't take
that many pep pills at once.
353
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,141
No problem. I'll balance it out
354
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:13,352
with a bottle of sleeping pills.
355
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,689
(giggles)
356
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,774
OK, we're all set. Let's put
the pedal to the metal!
357
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,568
(tires screeching)
358
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,654
I wholeheartedly agree.
359
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,865
Oh, man, I'm really wired.
This is a big mistake.
360
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,116
I can... Oh...
361
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:30,244
Here comes the sleeping pills.
362
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:31,996
So drowsy.
363
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,163
Pep pills perking up again.
364
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,874
I could drive all...
365
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,458
night.
366
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,128
(snoring)
367
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,807
(signal bell dinging)
368
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,521
(brakes squealing)
369
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:03,777
(bell dings)
370
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,362
(snoring)
371
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,156
(screaming)
372
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:08,616
I fell asleep at the wheel!
373
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:10,576
(whimpers)
374
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:11,952
But we didn't crash.
375
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,913
(gasps) It's a miracle.
376
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:17,583
You'll never believe
what happened.
377
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,001
I fell asleep at the wheel
378
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,587
and the truck
drove here by itself.
379
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,380
Yeah, that Navitron
Auto-Drive system's
380
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,133
made our jobs cushier than ever.
(chuckles)
381
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,010
-The what, now?
-You know, this thing.
382
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,346
With this baby driving
your truck for you,
383
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,807
all you got to do is sit back
and feel your ass grow.
384
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,392
The trucks drive themselves?
385
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:36,644
Shh... Hey, hey, hey, shh...
386
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,854
Didn't your union rep tell you
about the scam we got going?
387
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,314
Oh, I'm not really a trucker,
388
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:41,941
so I don't talk
to the rep that often.
389
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:44,360
All right, listen, pal,
here's the deal,
390
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,653
you stumbled on a secret
391
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,696
that only truck drivers
are supposed to know.
392
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,281
(laughing)
393
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,574
Hey, pay attention
394
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:51,617
and stop looking
at that squirrel.
395
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:52,785
(chattering)
396
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:55,579
We get 40 bucks an hour
to drive these rigs.
397
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:56,956
You think anybody'd hire us
398
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,874
if they knew we weren't really
driving the trucks?
399
00:15:58,958 --> 00:15:59,875
Wow!
400
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,211
You guys
are even lazier than me!
401
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,629
Well, don't worry.
402
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,089
I'll keep your secret.
403
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,465
See that you do.
404
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,388
Hey, Bart, watch me
run down this old lady.
405
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,472
Dad, no!
406
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,307
-(tires screeching)
-(grunts)
407
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,225
(beeping)
408
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:18,060
(screaming)
409
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,187
(laughing)
410
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,563
The second I let go
of the wheel,
411
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,190
this little wonder kicks in.
412
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,525
And if scaring old ladies
413
00:16:24,608 --> 00:16:26,151
don't float your boat,
watch this.
414
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:27,319
(grunting)
415
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,239
Come on out, boy!
416
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:31,991
It's windy!
417
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,827
Wow, you're right, Dad!
418
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:35,869
It is windy!
419
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,541
Hey, look, nobody's driving!
420
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,543
-Well, will wonders never cease?
-What's that?
421
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,044
Relax, everybody.
422
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,338
The Navitron Auto-Drive system
423
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,132
is driving the truck for me.
424
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:49,258
But keep it a secret.
425
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,468
It's a big scam, OK?
426
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,226
What the hell?
427
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,310
Breaker, breaker,
428
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:03,022
looks like we got us a 10-38.
429
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,358
MAN: Uh, 10-38.
430
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,985
Uh, let's see.
431
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:11,447
Uh, "Outsider blabbing
about auto-drive system."
432
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,408
Well, we'll have to teach
our friend some discretion.
433
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:17,202
Yeah, just like we did
to Jimmy Hoffa.
434
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:18,912
-(chuckles)
-Hey, shut up!
435
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,497
Calling all big rigs.
436
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:21,999
Motormouth on highway seven.
437
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,125
You know what to do.
438
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,960
-10-4.
-MAN: That's a big 10-4.
439
00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:28,213
-(music playing "Close to You")
-Mom, I need to get some sleep.
440
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:31,050
I have a test tomorrow
in birds suddenly appear.
441
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,468
I mean, English.
442
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:35,095
OK, OK, let me just get
the wire cutters.
443
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:36,889
Oh...
444
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:39,558
Your father traded our tools
for M&M's again.
445
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,603
Oh, the heck with it.
(grunts)
446
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,897
(music playing faster)
447
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:46,815
(dogs howling)
448
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,401
(howling continues)
449
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:57,951
Look, son.
450
00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,746
It's one of nature's
most beautiful sights,
451
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,498
the convoy.
452
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,001
(engine revving)
453
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,127
He hit us.
454
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,004
Oh, I should've known.
455
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:10,380
They're hazing us
456
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:13,175
to initiate us into
the truckers' fraternity.
457
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:14,676
-(crash)
-Thank you, sir.
458
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,636
May I have another?
459
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:16,595
(crash)
460
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,388
Dad, they're trying to kill us.
461
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,350
Oh, why do all my trips
end like this?
462
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,439
Eat water, good buddy.
463
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,774
(screaming)
464
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,026
Whoa, look at him roll!
465
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:32,611
(grunting)
466
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,864
Oh, my good knife!
467
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,199
My wife's going to kill me.
468
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,784
HOMER: I think
we lost 'em, Bart.
469
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:39,868
Dad, stop!
470
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,829
(tires squealing)
471
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,247
HOMER: Uh-oh.
472
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,833
Well, well, well.
473
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,334
Looks like we got ourselves
474
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,169
a showdown, boy.
475
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:51,672
-All right.
-What are you doing?
476
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:55,008
I'm keeping a promise
to an American roadmaster.
477
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,468
-Huh?
-Red.
478
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,470
The trucker.
479
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,890
Big fat guy,
couldn't handle his steak?
480
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,392
-Oh, yeah.
-We'll get past
481
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:04,852
that barrier somehow.
482
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:07,938
Ol' Blinky here will find a way.
483
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,610
AUTOMATED VOICE: I'm afraidI can't let you do this, Red.
484
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,279
The risk is unacceptable.
485
00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:16,780
I'm not Red. I'm Homer.
486
00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:18,448
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Got to go.
-Uh-oh
487
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:20,951
(screams)
488
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:21,952
Dad, do something.
489
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:24,163
Something better!
490
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,122
-(tires screeching)
-(Homer grunting)
491
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:26,707
(both screaming)
492
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:35,757
Woo-hoo!
493
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,344
Now that man is a genuine
494
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,388
steel-belted, gear-jamming
rig jockey.
495
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:42,890
-That's a fact.
-Boy howdy!
496
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,266
-Boy, you can say that again.
-Yeah.
497
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:45,851
You know, boys,
I've been thinking.
498
00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:48,478
Maybe it's time we ditched
the high-tech gizmos
499
00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:50,689
and went back to driving
like our daddies did.
500
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,774
-Drunk?
-No! N-no.
501
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:55,319
Using our hands and our wits.
502
00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:57,571
Yeah, sure, it's hard work
and it's lonely as hell,
503
00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,281
but it has meaning and dignity.
504
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:00,532
Huh? What do you say?
505
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,580
Nah. Let's just find
some other scam.
506
00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:09,166
Hey, how about
bootlegging beanie babies?
507
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,335
-Sounds good to me.
-Oh, I like that.
508
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,798
Yep, you're going
to make it, Dad.
509
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:19,801
And somewhere up there,
I bet Red is saying "thanks."
510
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,763
10-4, dead buddy.
511
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:27,893
This is Red Barclay's shipment,
512
00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:29,436
on time, as always.
513
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,105
All right, let's see.
514
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,565
Artichokes
515
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,150
and migrant workers.
516
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,068
Looking good.
517
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:38,237
So, where is old Red, anyway?
518
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:39,738
Well, the last time I saw him,
519
00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:41,740
he was in a big plastic bag.
520
00:20:41,823 --> 00:20:42,699
(laughs)
521
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,660
Yeah, that sounds
like Red, all right.
522
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,580
Well, son, I guess
it's time to go home.
523
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,041
Any thoughts on how
we're going to get there?
524
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,836
No, but I'm sure
the good lord will provide.
525
00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:57,130
Are you crazy?
526
00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:59,841
I'm not driving a trainload
of napalm to Springfield!
527
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,052
Thank you.
528
00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:09,851
-(music playing "Close to You")
-(crowd shouting angrily)
529
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,937
I'm really sorry, everybody,
530
00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:13,355
but I've tried everything.
531
00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:14,773
I'm afraid we're just going
532
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:16,775
to have to learn
to live with it.
533
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,902
No, no, no, no dice!
534
00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,612
All right, Chimey,
535
00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,532
this time,
the bell tolls for thee.
536
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,243
-Huh?
-(crowd gasping)
537
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,829
Ay-yi-yi! Senor ding-dong!
538
00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:30,956
I thought you were just
a marketing gimmick.
539
00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:33,000
There was a time
when that was true,
540
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,627
but now, I am so much more.
541
00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:38,171
-(music stops)
-(crowd cheering)
542
00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,465
Hmm... Oh, my.
543
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:41,967
(in Spanish) Gracias, senor.
544
00:21:42,217 --> 00:21:43,135
De nada!
545
00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:44,720
(in English)
If you ever need me,
546
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:46,805
just ring.
547
00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:48,223
(grunts)
548
00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,184
(starter chugging)
549
00:21:52,602 --> 00:21:54,813
Does anyone have
any jumper cables?
550
00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:56,815
(starter chugging)
551
00:21:58,066 --> 00:22:00,235
Oh, you stinking Chevy!
552
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:41,902
-(murmuring)
-Shh!
553
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,199
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services
37513
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